Weekend Update *BEST OFFENSIVE JOKES* 💀

Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones Is Under Fire over a picture of him from 1957 where he looks on as black students are stopped from entering his school okay so maybe Jerry Jones was a racist back then but tell me this would a racist own a team full of the strongest black men he could buy to work on his field [Laughter] saying that covered in China has led to a Slowdown in iPhone production wow so I guess the new variant does affect children foreign student at the University of Kentucky was arrested after she was caught on video using a racial slur and assaulting two black students she has been charged with one count of impersonating a police officer Morocco beat Portugal in the quarterfinals of the World Cup it is uh yeah it's the best World Cup performance by a team of Africans since the unpaid workers who built the stadiums I didn't do it a California hiker who was attacked by a mountain lion said that her dog saved her life by jumping to her defense because after the dog the mountain lion was way too full to eat anything else it's not real Mel Gibson is reportedly in talks to direct a new Lethal Weapon movie but if you want to see a broken down black guy team up with a handsome racist just watch Weekend Update the Palm Beach Mansion once owned by Jeffrey Epstein will soon be demolished and I'm honestly shocked that they would demolish a place where I have so many fond memories rest in Power King some doctors are worried about a new recommendation asking them to encourage middle-aged women to lose weight also worried about women losing too much weight black guys [Laughter] the Empire what Wednesday was National Coffee with the cop day and something tells me cops like their coffee black with a couple of shots in it Hefty has introduced pumpkin spice into trash bags and I gotta say pumpkin spice into trash bags is probably the best slur for white people I've ever heard all right New York City is not requiring employers to disclose salary ranges in all job listings employers Must List everything ranging from the top salary all the way down to the female salary a new report important to formerly wild areas of Africa human activity is disrupting chimpanzee culture incidentally chimpanzee culture is also what my grandpa calls hip-hop wow all right [Applause] I wouldn't have said that the CIA is marking its 75th anniversary by launching a podcast and because it's the CIA they're launching it directly into an Afghani wedding yeah Elon Musk took over Twitter use of the n-word on the site has reportedly jumped 500 percent it's the biggest increase in the use of the n-word since the last time I stubbed my toe foreign has apologized after using a black child to model a sweatshirt with the logo coolest monkey in the jungle worse the shirt was made by the saddest child in the sweatshop I said worse an obese monkey in Thailand named Godzilla has been sent to a special facility to lose weight officials realize the monkey was overweight when a bunch of black guys kept hitting on it thank you foreign [Applause] two-year-old woman from New York who survived the 1918 Spanish flu has now beat coronavirus twice but sadly she was no match for my car okay well we're still five weeks away from Easter but earlier tonight A man came back from the dead it was announced that country music star Morgan Wallen had his recording contract suspended after a video surfaced of the singer using the n-word wonder who he learned that from some parents in Oregon are having large groups of their children ride their bikes to school at the same time in a formation they're calling a bike bus and pedophiles are calling a buffet police in Queens were searching for a suspect who hijacked the bus and then immediately crashed it into a utility pole okay so we know it's a woman tensions are on the rise after North Korea launched more than 20 missiles into the ocean and all because the little mermaid is black it's not real this week President Biden pardoned thousands of convicted marijuana users and it feels like maybe he celebrated with them a little because yesterday Biden gave a speech at a car factory and opened with this let me start off with two words made in America [Applause] Virginia has become the first state in the South to abolish the death penalty so if you'll excuse me I've got some white women to whistle at [Music] a growing number of NFL players are filling up their time they're off time by playing chess with each other and also let's see here domestic violence that's how they're spending their time Colin this week Britain's most eligible bachelor prince Andrew [Laughter] actually deleted his Twitter account after he realized that's not the app with all the dancing teenagers Tuesday was National puppy day unfortunately at Subway thank you a student in Texas who is nicknamed White Lightning set a High School record by running the hundred meter dash in 9.98 seconds coincidentally people call me white lightning because I also finish in under 10 seconds German researchers have recorded the shortest interval of time for an event to begin and end the event finished so quickly scientists have named it Che all right [Music]

Channel: ContentZone

Views: 1,052,213

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Id: sPgaohfzNXM

Length: 8min 9sec (489 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 14 2023