Weekend Update Colin Jost and Michael Che *DARKEST* 🤣🤣 Joke Swaps

currently spent more than fifteen thousand dollars to buy seats on a flight for his pet Falcons 80 of them and then all hell broke loose when they started the in-flight Movie Stuart Little it's 36 inches it was [Laughter] keys that are capable of transmitting the Bubonic plague it's a rare black eye for the otherwise Sterling reputation of the fleas on New York City rats right long time Trump advisor and business babadook Roger Stone has been charged by the special counsel office on seven counts including obstruction making false statements witness tampering and I assume the attempted murder of Batman Stone pictured here as an old woman being told there's no more room at bingo in fact it's a great Act and just to clarify the solution for your urges to randomly mouth kiss and crotch grab unsuspecting women is Tic Tacs dude I don't think the problem women have with sexual assault is bad breath that's like Bill Cosby using a coaster for one of his love potions Cohen also provided congress with copies of letters threatening Trump's high schools and colleges not to release his SAT scores and while Cohen did not reveal what those scores were let's just say Trump lives a little closer to 920 Pennsylvania Avenue than to 1600 which is just ridiculous I mean of all the goofy nonsense that employers do pay for cookie cakes tote bags office parties you can't also spring 10 bucks a month for birth control I mean how about just Skip One Bagel Friday so that Karen an accountant doesn't have to take maternally leave every time she raw dogs her husband pop foreign has suspended New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady for his role and deflate gate wait why are we calling this deflate gate gate doesn't mean Scandal it's from the Watergate hotel and Tom Brady did not take air out of the Watergate Hotel he took the air out of balls it's deflate balls let's just deal with it it wasn't your first choice the problem is you weren't her choice period and what are you trying to tell us exactly if you did find her more attractive then you would have groped her it's like telling your girlfriend oh come on I would never cheat on you baby I don't have any good options right now by the way we probably believe Trump Moore if while he talked he wasn't groping the air the entire time it's really just someone who's for women and that's easy to get behind that is until you see an actual feminine screaming into a cop's face wearing a homemade uterus hat then you're like oh there are levels to this well the first presidential debate is over and it's official we still have to choose between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump it's like choosing a phone right now there's really only two options we don't want the iPhone 7 because it feels like it's kind of being forced on us also it's not necessarily an improvement but we also don't want the Samsung Galaxy which could explode at any minute the recent mass shootings saying he never saw a body with bullet holes that was more devastating than taking away gun rights Dr Carson be honest was your medical degree given sarcastically I'm starting to think you're less of a real brain surgeon and more of a real brain surgeon on TV but please America pick any the Philadelphia city council approved a resolution honoring gritty the New Philadelphia Flyers mascot after lawmakers passed the measure gritty kept his end of the deal by releasing their children [Laughter] same way we can't just let any country have a nuke okay if I if if I get the the need I get the need that you want to have gun protection but there's a fine line between cautious and insane all right there's a difference between carrying a condom in your wallet and wrapping your entire penis in bubble wrap of course the pope would meet with Kim Davis he's the pope that's just job he gives hope to the Hopeless the Prisoners the sick John Boehner the pope should be with people who need God the most if I was Pope I'd be eating Subway sandwiches with Bill Cosby right now we'd have a lot to talk about when's Raul Castro has demanded that the U.S wants to restore full diplomatic relations it must return control of Guantanamo Bay to Cuba and I'm guessing we're not getting back our security deposit and why is he shushing us is he saying shh don't tell anyone what's in our special sauce or shh don't tell my parents how bad my acting career is going or is the new McDonald's play place in the back of this dude's van because this isn't the image you use to sell fast food it's the image you see when you come to after getting drugged at a costume party thank you according to a new report while Ben Carson was a practicing neurosurgeon he was the target of six malpractice suits including one patient who claimed Carson left a sponge in his brain which sounds bad but come on can we really trust the word of a guy that has a sponge in his brain Hillary Clinton tweeted this week that she has asked the state department to release all of her emails from her years as Secretary of State no word yet on the identity of the lucky individual who has to read through 50 000 emails from a grandma woman New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has taken himself out of the running to be the permanent white house chief of staff also taking Chris Christie out of the running side cramps Trump blamed intelligence agencies for allowing the Russian dossier to leak tweeting are we living in Nazi Germany of course not Nazi Germany at least had the guts to take on Russia Italian-American groups are accusing the MTV show made in Staten Island of promoting negative stereotypes these claims were denied by the show's executive producer a chicken parm and a wife beater the republican-led Senate intelligence committee has subpoenaed Donald Trump Jr to testify about his meeting with Russian officials and so that he didn't feel left out Eric got a subpoena from detective Pikachu a new report says the best place in the world for retirees is Switzerland while the worst place for retirees is still at the top of a staircase and if you don't believe me if you don't believe me take a look at the credits [Music] Halliburton country where customers could fill up any cup they brought in with a Slurpee but if you missed it don't worry you can just do it any day 7-Eleven man go nuts nothing happens you get kicked out of a out of a 7-Eleven thing that could happen Republicans this week were left scrambling to find a new speaker of the house after representative Kevin McCarthy abruptly dropped out of the race and who can blame him for not wanting the job look here is a picture of current Speaker of the House John Boehner when he took office four years ago and here's Boehner today foreign this is why women should be in full control of all Reproductive Rights men are not going to take birth control because pregnancy just doesn't affect our bodies when a woman gets pregnant she has to decide whether or not she wants a human being to grow inside of her meanwhile I get nine months to decide whether to buy a stroller or a bus ticket and every other decent Republican is too busy running for president so now the GOP is only left with scraps so I thought maybe in the spirit of Halloween they should just Stitch those scraps together into some kind of Franken speaker and you know what I think I know just the doctor who's crazy enough to do it happening with the police we're both portrayed negatively on the news you can hear our cars from blocks away everyone gets nervous when they think we're following them we're the only two people I know who can hop a fence and Boots uh we both bring our guns to funerals I can go on and on and let me just say as a man with an extremely small penis okay I feel very bad for myself and my teensy weensy PNC [Laughter] [Applause] Alex Rodriguez reported to Yankee spring training this week after completing his 162 game suspension you know it feels good to be back at work said A-Rod steroid dealer wait he's not a terrorist terrorism is the actual problem when you only associate terrorism with one religion you make them synonymous there's 1.7 billion Muslims in this world if you think 1.7 billion people are actively trying to kill you maybe you're a little radical also how are we supposed to find these terrorists if the only thing we know about them is that they're one of almost two billion people it was reported that a sequel is in the works for the Mel Gibson movie The Passion of the Christ so get ready to see I still know what Jews Did Last Summer another Passion of the Christ movie unless Jesus has the line you crossed the wrong guy Mexican officials are upset with Pope Francis after he said he was concerned about the increased drug trafficking in his native Argentina calling it mexicanization Pope Francis later apologized calling his comment quote as dumb as a Guatemalan foreign yeah

Channel: Practical Comedy

Views: 883,944

Keywords: #ColinJost, #MichaelChe, #WeekendUpdate, #SaturdayNightLive, #SNL, #Comedy, #Humor, #Funny, #Jokes, #Entertainment, #LateNightTV, #LaughOutLoud, #StandUpComedy, #HumorIsTheBestMedicine, #FunniestMoments, #Hilarious, #BestOfSNL, #TopJokes, #ComedyCentra, #FunnyVideo, #ViralVideo, #JustForLaughs, #FunnyClips, #HumorMatters, #EntertainmentIndustry, #PopCulture, #CelebHumor, #TVComedy, #LaughingOutLoud, #goodjokes

Id: OKSk3oxuavQ

Length: 11min 0sec (660 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 10 2023