Watch this if you STRUGGLE with SELF-DOUBT | Rachel Hollis

you keep filling that tug on your heart that's there for a reason you got it that's God that's your potential that's like trying to say to you yes step into this I use your heart like begging your mind to like get out about anyway like come on man we were called for something I do I get like well so fired up about this you're still putting the onus on someone else yes you have to take responsibility here like all these things that you want for your life but you're too afraid to reach for because of what other people will think you are loved and worthy and enough like as you are that's beautiful and that means you don't need to become someone else that means like who you are at your core you're doing awesome this day right now this lady to my left been working so hard to get her on my show this is Rachel Hollis everybody for those either don't know she has been living under a rock and so I'm gonna give her a proper doctor I'm so glad you're here I'm so excited gosh oh my gosh of course this is like a dream it's gonna be costal yes so this lady like if you don't know her there's something wrong with you but I'll give her the proper introduction so she's written six books her sixth one has gone crazy and has made her a rock star literally in the personal development world she has a number one podcast in the world right now her book is blowing up she's a sought-after speaker she's got more speaking days than she knows what to do with right now and she's really making a difference in the world she's changing or she's the new face of personal development she is I'm just gonna tell you there's just not enough women in this space and then one comes along it doesn't just kind of get into the space but just literally dominates it and takes it over like you have and so I have so many questions to ask you because our phone conversations have been so beautiful because you're so self-aware and honest and I think that's what's made you resonate with so many women and men in the space because I want everyone that's listening this because I know the women right now are going thank you for having her and we've got your full attention but I want the men to know something there's not that many people in the personal development space where their content alters and moves me and you do that for me and so men you got a lot to listen to today as well and this lady has my full and complete endorsement okay I want you all so I want to start out I don't go all the way back to your child because there's just too much that's happened recently yeah but I do want to go back to where kind of the Rachel Hollis brand started and so my understanding is it started with you kind of blogging yeah when blogs were big so take me back to that because I know I'm assuming at that point you didn't think all this was my way of it you started blogging really about like kind of cooking and being a mom at the time what was that called and how did you start so I owned an event planning firm in Los Angeles for a long time and I was starting to feel burnout I had built this company I had gotten the clients out at big celebrity clients and had the fancy loft office and the and the team of people and I was I didn't love it like I just was really burnt out searching for something else and this was like end of 2007 so this is the early days of blogging yeah and everyone's talking about blogging and I thought well shoot I'll try that did your kid yet I did I had 2007 I had one baby and then had another one in 2008 so I am be white 1% of people got pregnant on birth control that is a thing be careful what happens in Vegas does not stay there his name is Sawyer he's 10 yeah so I started blogging have little kids just sort of trying to figure myself out and it was the worst like it was the worst of all you've ever read in your whole life didn't know how to take a picture didn't know how to write didn't none of it and not even my mom ran the called chick so my company was called chic event chic event it was called oh this was like it was like dot blogspot it was my chic way that's sort of what okay so I start blogging and I figure it out and I start to build up a little bit of a following and I'll never forget Eggland's Best eggs reaches out and they say we want to give you $250 if you will put our eggs in your next recipe and I was like hot damn we are really rolling now I'm like yes I will put your eggs in my yeah so that was the first time that I realized that brands would pay for the opportunity to be in to get in front of your audience and because I had worked in this space with corporate clients for the longest time on the event side I was like I immediately started thinking of how can this be bigger so most influencers would say like oh let me see if I can get some more $250 things and I was like how do I get Eglin to sponsor me for a year how do I get that how do I go to on a bigger scale how do I pitch something bigger so I feel like we really had success in that space because from the very beginning I I was trying to make it where I don't want to be an event planner anymore yeah I need something to make that money for me so it became blogging it's interesting because the event planning thing like we both say something one things I love your content as some of it overlaps with you and I I say it with a deeper voice than you do and you say with a prettier face than I got so but you you talk a lot I believe this deeply that life happens for us and not to us so really to some extent though the event planning had to happen first because it did it give me some kind of an entrepreneurial or sort of business mindset yeah it was I had been doing events I am mutasa injustice at 17 graduated high school year early moved to LA at 17 get a job working at Miramax Films which over time was a huge production company and I was doing events with them and it was I you know just like young and dumb and like oh I can for sure do this myself so I could for sure do this myself and I loved and I have had that from the very beginning I loved the puzzle of being an entrepreneur I loved okay how do we crease revenue and how do we decrease costs and how do we scale and how do we I like that still to this day excites did you have so you get the puzzle piece but were you in this case because not everybody has this sometimes it's developed later in life were you like even back then when you're you started the blog you're at Merrimack you Miramax then the event-planning then the blog were you like a big dream or like I want to make a big impact you were just like I'm living my life and I'm gonna start trying new things from the time I was a little girl so I had a pretty hard childhood why you're the baby I'm the baby of four why was it hard uh my parents marriage was abysmal like the entire time I was alive and they were together it was abysmal dad has a really bad temper so I'm the daughter of a Pentecostal minister and we were that like everything looks perfect on the outside and on the inside you know punching holes in the wall screaming so it was really hard my older brother was schizophrenic when I was 14 he committed suicide and I found him and that was really our family was already such it was so hard it was such a mess and that shattered everything like there was no coming back from the loss of him and I from a very early age just thought I gotta get out of here I gotta get out of here and the only way I'm gonna get out of here if is if I do it myself so that really started me on the journey of Ryan guide when I was 14 I was a freshman in high school and I was like how do I take how do I get like how can I graduate high school early how do I take every class so that as soon as I'm able as soon as I have the credits I'm gone so I did I graduated as a junior and I moved to LA without I couldn't even sign the lease on my apartment I will you know and I just hustled I worked three jobs I shop for groceries at the 99-cent store I just wanted out and so I was always I mean that like the dreaming like that carrot of dangling in front of me like someday someday like my big someday was some day you would be able to walk into Target and buy something there someday like the dreams that I had like the big exciting thing in my life was when I had enough money to go to Subway on a Friday night and I would get a 6-inch sandwich and like Doritos and I would feel like a queen like it didn't I just I just kept thinking if you just work hard and I think the reason I wanted to start my own company is because I felt like just just like with my childhood I want to live or die by my own sword I want to be like if I fail it's on me but if I succeed it's on me nobody else gets to decide my destiny there's the first time since I've known you it I I I'm picturing you as that little girl that's really interesting like I'm picturing that little girl she's still like totally there with you by the way she's like right there yeah that's that's tragically beautiful yeah ironically with that story as I'm sorry about your brother yet I actually know in some bizarre way God's hand is in oh one of the reasons you've been great why do you think this isn't even any of my questions they just curious I'm fascinated and I don't really answer to it why do you think so many of us people that have the chief come from such weird strange horrific anxiety riddled backgrounds you have any theory on that I feel like when something when you walk through trauma or when you have a hard childhood or when you it's one at you it's one of two passes you know you're either going to be a victim and this is going to define you or this is gonna be the leverage that you need to get to the place that you're going um I heard you know like the podcast Queen I love podcast so I might actually I saw this Louis yesterday I'm like dang I don't know if it's yeah I might have heard this on your podcast so forgive me if I'm about to like repeat you to you but I heard something recently that I was like that hit me in the gut someone said might have been you sometimes it's more powerful to have an antihero think I had a hero I believe that by the way it was I didn't want to be that yep I didn't want to be that person and I knew that the only way out was by the you know I might like I'm gonna make it happen yeah so I think that understanding of life is happening for you sometimes it's startling to people because they're like wait you know your brother's death was for you your brother had was mentally ill I call the no but I believe it's possible to find meaning in what happened that's right I am the woman I am because of what I walked through yeah and I love my parents so much I think they did the best they could with what they have but if it wasn't for how much they struggle to parent us I be the woman I am today I totally believe you on that and it by the way I think successful we'll just kind of repurpose the messes of their lives in ways that other people don't well they also say it's some of you to their listeners because we're both examples of this you clearly made that decision younger and sooner than most people that you were going to go on that better path but some of you listening to this have been down the wrong one for years so you've used these events in your past to define you in a negative way or as an excuse or you use it as your current story even though it's your old story the good news is is that the timing of when you choose the different paths can happen at any point so just because you didn't choose it when you're a 19 or didn't choose it when you're a 25 you may now choose it 55 the new path in your life and you can find the same happiness bliss and achievement we found by choosing it younger yeah yeah well I would also say oftentimes when something when someone goes through something hard they have this perception that it made them weak and man it made you a warrior like you yes you have these scars you have these scars like these battle wounds but don't miss the point don't miss the message don't miss who you might be just because the getting of these scars was hard but that's why the dudes I told you like she's talking to you just so you know too because it's not the events of her life that define us it's our meaning and when you attach the meaning just so you all know this been reading a lot about this lately myself it's because we all know it's the meaning we attach to the event but that meaning creates an emotion and it literally that emotion changes your blood chemistry and so it's so powerful to define the event correctly so that it serves you just ask yourself is the meaning you took from this serving you or do you need to find a new meaning that serves you better that gives you a better emotions it's literally gonna change your blood chemistry in your body and your brain that's how important the stuff is so I love your message and I like resonate with it because I picture this little girl it's just interesting cuz I'm a little bit older than you but I picture the anxiety in my home too and you'd have gone back to put a camera behind our front door and seen some of those days where I was in such turmoil and stress as a little boy and then you switch the camera and you went into your home and saw this precious little girl going through what she was going through and said hey both of you are gonna end up that oceanfront in Laguna Beach someday teaching people how to live better lives and be happier so God uses each of us in such beautiful ways that we can't even begin to imagine when we're going through these things and he is using you I'm an exist I just love how he's using you and I love that you embrace that I also love I want to shift a little bit from the blog to now yeah but one of the things that I find also is your personal development addict and improvement addicts oh my and I think oftentimes people that are like you and I and like the people listening to this we're that way because we come from such a far away place like I had to learn the tools to build my confidence I had to learn the tools to think better and more clearly because I came from so far west so insecure so shy so introverted such low self-esteem that I had to learn these tools and so I think that's similar for you too and I think what's powerful about your content is that as I understand it you've got this blog which is kind of cooking and family and a mom stuff which is unbelievably powerful and then you personally started to go on this personal development journey and you kind of brought the audience with you to some extent so speak to that how all this how did Rachel Hollis happen it started with anxiety I was about five years ago I started having debilitating anxiety attacks and I had a team of people who are counting on me at work and I could go to work and I could function I could take care of my kids and I would get in bed at night and just freak out and my husband had never experienced anything like it you think they what's wrong I'm like I don't know but it's bad and it got so bad that I felt like I was probably gonna have to be on medication and I so support if you need to be on meds take your meds do what you need to do but I had in my family and my extended family a real history of abuse with that and so it's almost petrifying to me the idea of having to make that choice so I was like sister you are either gonna get past this or you're gonna have to go that way and so I started going to therapy and got to the bottom of why the anxiety was happening and for me it all really came down to like really bad people pleaser really bad people pleaser so I had to identify my trigger I had to understand that if I felt like someone was mad at me or if I felt like someone was disappointed in me it would derail everything and once I had that tool I was able to start to navigate around it and then it was the first time in my life that I was like oh you could no I knew you could teach yourself business or but I would I oh you can teach yourself how to think you could you know you could figure out the tools and if I can get past this anxiety what else could I so then I just became Brasher so I wanted to read every book and I wanted to listen to every podcast and as I started to talk about it just like in the way that you would say you know hey I'm on the beach today I would be like hey guys I just left there opee yeah and women who followed me on social why'd you decide to go and how did you find a therapist and what do you talk about it is it hard and just like all the questions and I realize oh there's something here there's something here like other people are not maybe we take for granted you know living in LA yes if you're in Ohio like you know there aren't moms at soccer who are like I just met with the therapist yeah so I just started to lean into that as they responded to it and really the success I've had in my career is I've always just listened to what the community is asking me for yeah and so I went on this journey and I kind of took him along for the ride and I went to in this path I went to upw which I sound like you know so cheesy but it changed my life I think a lot of you think well this mess I've created in my life sort of disqualifies me from helping other people in fact it's probably what qualifies you the most to help other people the fact that you're broke right now is what will qualify you to teach people how to not be that way some day broke in or broke financially but where you are unique that open my mind and I want to address this now I want you to speak to it is personal development for the most part has been dedicated to hardcore business people people really trying to achieve building a big company or building the ultimate body or real wealth accumulation which it should be yeah but there's this whole other segment of the world that I've discovered since I've been in this space particularly when it comes to women I think people in general feel invisible in the world today and I think that's true for men but the more I get I don't know what hmm gets me mmm I'm emotional the more I've been speaking to large crowds I see these precious Souls these ladies that I see and so many of them feel invisible in the world because maybe they're not trying to build a 400 million-dollar company or maybe they don't look exactly like the world tells you you should look and they're not told enough that you're perfect as you are that you're beautiful that you're perfect for this moment doesn't mean you want to change the step into the next moment you know that you can by the way be beautiful and perfect as you are right now and not be the person that you need to be in the next moment but for now you need to accept how beautiful and perfect you are now and you fill that space up I think better than anybody and so talk about that there's there in my audience there's some superachiever right now their spouse is riding with them in the car and they're thinking this isn't really for me but it is for them it's also talked about that well so the the work that I'm doing today really was from that first UPW experience had this great great time and you know how much I love Tony and he's one of my heroes but I remember sitting in the audience thinking what does this look like for women what does this look like first day at home mom what does this look like for someone who isn't an entrepreneur because they need this message they need to know that they are called for something better they need to know that they are in control of the way they think they need to know that they're in control of their lives and that really was what started me to kind of lean in was like man I'm looking around and I'm really not seeing anybody who would offer advice or say it the way I would say it and I have been online with women for the last decade so I knew what they were struggling with and I knew because they send me the questions right yeah so I I was actually in Ethiopia with a friend of mine Jen Hatmaker who's a big speaker and writer like one of the biggest in this space and we're on a bus in Ethiopia and she says like at the time I didn't know her very well so she's just like a hero much like this and she sits down next to me and I'm like hi oh my gosh and she says hey sis tell me about your next book and I'm like oh my gosh well so they're superheroes and that because I started in fiction yeah if I don't so I'm like there's two and I start described she's like oh my no no no no tell me the book of your heart mmm she says if you could say anything to women what would you say and I had never thought of this and I had never asked myself that question but as soon as she said it fell out of my mouth hmm you're in control of your own life mm-hmm and I think like she said well explain that to me and I said you know it's just like all these women all around the world sending me notes and emails and DMS and they're saying help me save my marriage how do I get my son to stop using how do I stop abusing myself a food I they're asking and what I want to say I can't say because it sounds mean which is stop reaching out to a stranger on the Internet and fix your own life take control so because even that even asking someone on Instagram you're still putting the onus on someone else yes you have to take responsibility here so I start saying this to her I'm like I'm like you know it's like girl like stop crying girl pick yourself up girl get off the ground and she says girl wash your face and I wrote the first chapter to the book on the flight home for me you did yeah okay so that's the book by the way it's on the screen right now it's all a screen but it's girl wash your face and it's sold a bazillion copies already but we're about to sell some more of it you do I pulled some stuff so I want to ask you about a couple of things like you're hardcore like I love what you said because there's this whole there are millions and millions of people who need to hear what you're saying and the personal development space has been this little tiny segment of the world there's this whole other place and by the way these are the people that are charged with raising the next generation of people these are the people who are because you mothers out there that are listening to this your beliefs your identity is being transferred every day to your children your example how you think how you act how you feel about yourself right in your role which is the most important role in the world is to be a mother and by the way the ladies listen to this almost now 70% of all new businesses are being started by women and somewhere around 77% of all the successful businesses are being run by women so this is really a real new time and you're leading this movement but you don't pull any punches with these ladies so you along the lines what you said talk about this from it you in the quote quote from the book you and only you are ultimately responsible for who you become and how happier the reason I think that's important for me to hear is I think oftentimes that's deferred to wealth my children are doing while I'm happy if my husband's happy yes so can you speak to that so say okay so I'm gonna I'm gonna go on a small rant for a sec I have this belief that most women all the women I know most of the women I have ever met were raised from the time they were little that to be a good woman is to be good for other people so if you're a good mom for your children if you're a good wife for your husband if you're a good sister daughter friend then you're good and the hard part about that is number one your value is fully wrapped up in someone else's perception of you well right the other thing is I don't know ever that anyone is deciding that you're a good mom because you're taking care of yourself no one's ever like Oh Sarah Sarah look at Sarah training for a marathon she's such a good mom you know and so there is this idea that you've got to show up for other people or you don't have value and that's even crazier when you think about like what about the women who don't want to have children what about the women who aren't married what about so they have no value because they can't it's crazy that is crazy it's also when you're a little girl from the time you're a little it tends to be that you get recognition from your parents when other adults recognize you as something so they'll be like oh your daughter's so cute Oh your daughter's system she's so funny so so you'll learn Oh other people's opinions really matter and this is like what are women just drowning in like what is crushing women at other people's opinion bingo they live their life terrified of failure terrified to try terrified that they're getting it wrong because their mother-in-law will disapprove or the girls that they went to high school with you know they're gonna see me on Facebook and they're gonna watch me it's crazy it's crazy because those people that you're so terrified of their opinion of you those people are not the ones who will live with the regret those people are not the ones who can't afford to take their kids on vacation those people are not the ones who are struggling for it like all these things that you want for your life but you're too afraid to reach for because of what other people will think those other people are not going to be there when it sucks and it's hard for you that's all on you so I do I get like well so fired up about this wrong well and I also believe like so most most little boys I know not everybody but most little boys are taught this idea of like you have potential you're supposed to you're supposed to reach for that and your potential or try and be a better version of yourself and frankly most women are most little girls are taught you know to reach from ends like kay get find yourself a husband and then you'll be doing well hmm and this I believe in my heart like you ever see those movies of course you have we're like someone like gets bit by a spider or they take a pill or whatever and all of a sudden they have access to all of their mind and sort of just a small percent I feel like that's what's happening to the two women in the world like if they just took like even if the percentage of women even if just the women who are listening to this took one single step in the direction of who God calls them to be I think that the results would be atomic my gosh like wait you just said that I I'm not completely really thought about how a little girl is programmed to be that way and how a little boy is often programmed the difference I have this philosophy to know if you share this or not and what the women to hear this I think the symptom oftentimes is our addiction to other people's approval I feel like the disease sometimes is we don't have our own we don't feel like God has her own and so we seek it outside of us now what you said it takes at a level deeper for me is that this is program since I was little right I didn't just become this way it was sort of I was told that my value is if other people approve of me right so I think it's an internal game I think the way you change that isn't just deciding I don't care what other people think I think that layer past that is I need to begin to think better of myself I need to begin to build my self-confidence I'm a big believer that self confidence comes from keeping promises that you make to yourself that if you can start by just keeping the promises you make to you you begin to build a reputation with yourself oh I can trust me I like me I'm good right I I can achieve how can that apply for a woman in any in any area won't be some of your recommendations of how to change that it's a hard question what are some a practical ways somebody can begin to change so I'll tell you from me the big realization was it all comes down to I want love no one approval I want notice I want all of these things and I was drowning the sooner the anxiety came from I had this desire in my heart to be an entrepreneur and build something big and write books and do these things and our family our extended family on both sides wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom and they really really struggled and we're very vocal about the fact that I wasn't because that's what their lives look like yep and so for me I was just drowning in that feeling of I think I'm called to do more so I will pursue this version of more but I'll do it a kind of in secret Cognito well weren't really hard but I won't ever talk about it and it was I was being in too many directions and when I finally I had this realization like oh I'm going to choose to be so full of love to love everybody else so well that I don't seek it out in other people exactly like I'm gonna love you so hard everybody even the people that disapprove of me very good then I don't need your love because I've got enough for both of us very good like it sounds a little cheesy but that really was what changed it for me was you don't have to keep chasing this thing it was also the understanding that God made me this way yes and for the longest time I felt shame because I didn't want to be a silently I respect the crap out of Sato moms it's a hard world I know you do but it's just not my face yes and so I am same about that yeah massive shame about what you think the reverse is also true there are some stay-at-home moms who feel shame there that's there neither one of those should be shamed yeah so for me it was oh if if God put this desire on my heart maybe he called me for this dinner I can't be wrong at my core course like certainly you could that could manifest an unhealthy way so you could but but maybe this is for a reason like maybe that like I said this all the time on stage to women like man maybe that like you keep filling that tuck on your heart that's there for a reason you got it that's God that's your potential that's like trying to say to you yes step into this like it that is your heart like begging your mind to like get out get out of the way like come on man we were called for something so for me that understanding was like you know you are loved and worthy and enough like as you are that's beautiful and that means you don't need to become someone else that means like who you are at your core hmm you're doing okay yeah that is so beautiful it's amazing you say I made it that I just want to acknowledge a few things like I love that and no one's ever said that to me ever and so miss stuff you say gets me girl so you know cuz I I over these years of seeing all these precious beautiful women in the crowd and then straw with feeling guilt like men don't have that like men whatever we want to chase we have no reason to feel guilty about our men listening to this let me say something to the men listening to this would you stop once in a while and just start to tell your lady how amazing she is and how much you love her and how beautiful she is I'll talk about your sisters yeah your mother your wife not just your wife right tell the women in your life how spectacular they are acknowledge them a little bit more they're always acknowledging us yes so proud of you you look so handsome you're doing so well thank you for all you do and we we very rarely acknowledge our women let's make sure we're doing that men but the other piece of it that that struck me and what you said right there was you know women I think often times never give themself any quiet time whether they have kids or Noi's or their job and like if you would just get quiet for you and I it's prayer for other people it's meditation for some people it's just solid - yeah like if you'll get your head out of the way as you said I made a post about this today people win with their heart not their head you're gonna be happy in life with your heart and the more your head begins to take over and convince you of your deficiencies what your setbacks are what you're not good at what your life is what people will think the more your head takes over your life even though you got to be smart and execute and all that the more your head takes over it kills your heart and when your heart stops beating you're dead and so you could be living but you're really dead and so what you're really saying is get quiet listen to your heart and don't be ashamed of it but it's I love it so okay I may give you a couple more things you've said that this is kind of hard our society makes plenty of room for complacency or laziness we're rarely surrounded by accountability we're also rarely surrounded by sugar-free vanilla lattes but when I really want one I somehow find a way to get one what did you mean when you said that you know the idea that if you want something it's like if if you really want something you'll find a way if you don't find an excuse yes yeah yes so resourceful yes and I think there is this I feel like the tightest shifting and I hope that this is true but so often I feel like women especially like it feels like their life is living them it like it feels like life is it's all just happening to them and sort of getting pulled along with the tide they're not making any choices they're not taking control so and it and it's the norm right it's it's normal to go you're exhausted because you were dealing with the kids all day and then you're gonna go watch you know Netflix all night and drink too much and numb yourself to what's going on and then wake up tomorrow and do the same thing again and it because they don't ever have that space because they never take a step back and look at their life from like 50,000 foot view they don't even understand that they have control of how to change anymore and you might not have the tools I'm gonna quote your podcasts you again or I think it was yours but Joe Dispenza yes said in an age of this much free information ignorant is a choice correct so you might not know how to change things you might not know how to get healthy you might not know how to change your marriage all of it but it all exists on the internet right now right free so true like you didn't curse you're good so like no but I want to say this to you like you did not a blog when you started though people say man how'd you build this giant podcast let me tell you how this actually started I went you're anything I'm crazy when I say it's my what a validate what you've said okay I've never said this before either people ask me how did you get this big podcast I said I'd even know what a podcast was and I googled how to start a podcast here's how stupid I am I'm like how does what I'm saying get into the machine yes and how does that machete put it on the Internet how do people get like I was that basic yes and I googled how to start a podcast and there was it the first search was Tim Ferriss his toolbox not start a podcast it said go to Amazon and buy this equipment I bought the equipment and I started talking into the microphone he told me to buy I love it and then but he didn't tell me how do I get it out of the machine onto the internet so I but I'm just resourceful you just start taking the steps yes men do me a favor ask your woman what she'd like yeah that's girl babe what do you want what would make you happy is there anything we should be doing together or you should be doing to fulfill you more like just ask her cuz they ask us all the time yeah right so I want to I want to acknowledge that but there's speaking of marriage yes so when we first connect everybody okay I get this email from her that says before I say anything I want you to know I'm very happily married and ba ba micro look it's just I know maybe I don't need to say that but I'm just gonna say this to you yeah I thought no one's ever sent me that email before and I thought if I were your husband yeah I'd feel so blessed that my wife cherishes our relationship to this extent Dave's probably didn't even know you did that one day that's what she did first she first emailed me which made your marriage work are there any things you'd say like you have a normal marriage like I do it's not perfect every single day but what has made your marriage work and why is it such a gigantic obviously it's a huge part of your life yeah well I would say in that exchange was the first time I was sending you a note and it wasn't just about being respectful to Dave was also being respectful to your wife and so it's just um I just you know it's weird like I we had not met each other I want to be like I'm very normal no I would say then he is my best friend hmm he is my best friend and he's been we met when I was 19 years old and instantly we were buddies and that is has been the core of this relationship for 16 years hmm and I really think I got a hard hands as a child and I think God was like you're gonna get the best man like I'm gonna give you the best partner really good guy um but I think we have had fun we laugh every single day what happy hour yeah this is a little tool but I like the you guys have your own happier yeah we sent over on the back patio and we're looking at a tree live in Texas Hill Country gorgeous land and we sit out with our drink and we have a just talk about the day or hang out with each other we do every single week have every week we have a date night it's like sacrosanct and our relationship and our kids know it they just know hey mom and dad are going on a date this week but I also think we reach every like we have had conversation what are the values that we have in our marriage in our relationship who do we want to be in this space how do we want a parent and every single day we want to reach for that now certainly we don't always get there but we are in alignment on who we want to be and the steps that we're gonna take to make that happen we don't we don't want a good marriage or even a great one we want an exceptional marriage I also feel like I get a crap from people for this but my marriage is my most important relationship like that comes before my children mm-hmm my that like we have to be whole and solid for each other or we can't show up for these babies and also those kids are gonna we're gonna launch these humans into the world and then we've got each other so that's gotta be healthy and strong because I've got a lot of years left with this man God willing yes so just it's the intentionality behind who we want to be and how we want to show up yeah I noticed and a lot of your writings and stuff and when you do stuff together it's your intention Alex also your habits and rituals like these date nights this happy hour stuff right is is we just don't do it in our marriages enough by the way you're really right about that to those either have young kids you got to be really careful with the entire identity of your marriage isn't wrapped up in just conversations about their children yeah even though they're the center focal part of your life but there is going to be a point where they are going to leave and you're gonna be faced together and you better have a loving dynamic in a relationship where you really have something of interest in each other too so that's so huge you also talk and I hope you'll talk about this is for makes I'm just curious about it you're like me we both let people know that we have faith but we're not so I don't know if I would say she worth it to the point where it would repel somebody but how important is your faith in your life I am the woman that I am because of my faith I don't I don't know how I would have survived the childhood that I walked out over the years that came after if it wasn't for that relationship with God and it wasn't always good like my faith has been tested many times there were whole seasons of life where I was angry at God where I didn't want to be in relationship and I feel like but that I don't know that presence has always just been a part of my life and even when there's been anger we're still talking you know even when I'm like I'm mad at you I feel like gods like that I can take it let's go so it's it's been a massive part of it is a massive part of who I am I think it's really been interesting to navigate this space because in the book I do talk quite a bit about my faith and then that brought in a wider audience who had a perception of what it meant to be a Christian and then we're equally upset when I did something to step outside of that for them so meaning what you know host up a few weeks ago and I honestly didn't even think anything about standing on my back patio having wine yeah and people lost so we're big trouble oh we are we have offended half of America but so upset you know you said you were a Christian and you're drinking and you're perpetuating and I was like first of all whoa right secondly oh yeah for me my the tenets of my faith is love thy neighbor like that was our call to arms there no they shall know we are Christians by our love I don't ever want you're never gonna find it in my bio you know people are like they put that in their Instagram you better know that I'm a Christian by the way I live my life not the not the words that I write somewhere so if that's your definition of how someone is being christ-like or following the footsteps of like me having one we we have a bigger problem issue and it is a problem in this space because there's so much divisive angry lines in the sand you can't you have to be like this or you're not allowed in our club you can and I'm just like oh man right I love you all I want everybody here because I can't you said earlier by the way loving enough for both people right like this that's beautiful and me too I get a love that I'm okay that you're drinking wine just say I don't want to validate yeah and you and I love people of all faiths all different walks of life we are you yeah that's exactly right that's why you and I are gonna change the world together I also want you to know some everybody that one of the reasons I do this show and then I'm so important me that you were here today cause I just don't I think the world is more divided more divisive and more angry than it's ever been and there needs to be a force for good in the world and I think that force for good is real people it's a grassroots movement it's entrepreneurs its mothers its fathers it's good people say hey we love each other we don't agree on everything but we love each other we're all put here as the foundation of our faith is that we're all brothers and sisters right and so we're here to help one another and that's what this is doing today you said something the antidote of that in girl wash your face which if you've not gotten this book men and women both go get this book it's uh it's it I've probably never read a book so quickly one thing about the book that's really interesting I wanted to tell you too is that usually when I have a book I highlight the parts that I like and this book was so good that I probably should have highlighted the parts that weren't meaningful to me because there's so much just highlighter all over the book it's really true so it's like every page and just like one thing you say and there's you say and this is true for all of us we need to drop that she's a comparison is the death of joy and the only person you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday so speak to that just for a second well this is a massive I don't know if men experiences for this a massive problem with women is they're constantly comparing themselves to her life to her Instagram feed to her kids to her marriage they're comparing their real life to someone else's highlight reel and so they are forever coming up lacking they forever feel like they're not enough and I get it because the the times that you tend to compare yourself or when you are most insecure about something so you're like well I'm not sure how to do this I'll look outside myself to find the answer hmm I always talk about when I was a new mom that that was when I was most insecure and so I would look at Pinterest I would look at magazines I would try and see like how does celebrity moms do it and then I would just cry in a puddle on the ground so I couldn't get it together like oh she's got six pack abs with a two month old baby and I'm still in the genes that I was wearing you know at nine months so comparison is the death of joy and not only does it kill your joy it kills your motivation it kills your energy or your desire to move forward it makes you more insecure and so I unlike put your head down it's like a math test in eighth grade keep your eyes on your own paper like focus here stop looking at what everyone else is doing stop paying attention to her life and live your own yes you have like start in this space the the the only person you have to be better then is who you were yesterday so that is my that's my wife that's my that is what I am on earth like what is my greatest value in the world is I want to be a better version of myself every day like I might not always get there but every day I'm striving to be a better mom and wife and leader and teacher and writer and everything it's like man whatever you're doing do as unto the Lord like every day I'm trying to be better and so like it doesn't matter if I'm not as great as 50 million other people as long as like am I better than I was yesterday yeah what a quick cogent advice your your special like this your special what you're doing is special and so good along those lines mask you some things people wouldn't ask you yeah life's change for you right and I think anytime people listen to this maybe you step to a new level or a new space do you think you talk about anxiety earlier I know the answer this one which answer for them but do you still find yourself with anxiety about the next level the next space also there's some pressure I think sometimes if I've stepped out I don't wanna fall either so speak to that for those there's different ones at different levels but there are people I was like I've got to a new level I got to a new promotion or I had started a business there's something new and then that extra can I think anxiety can hit are you experiencing your dad and why are you dealing with this weasel like this is such an incredible story and like a brag on who you are in your heart but after the the book surpassed everything yeah I four months after it came out really struggled it was very overwhelming for me and I hope you can't tell I'm a fixer yeah and I don't like to live in a state of any kind of suffering so four months I'm I'm struggling and I can't get past it and I read every book and I'm listening to pot and trying everything and I can't and it was something you said on your podcast one day that really resonated with me and it was like it was the answer to prayer hmm after months of searching you said something like like with professional athletes you had coached that there comes a time in their lives and careers where the success surpasses the vision that they had for themselves and they will unintentionally start to self-sabotage because they're so uncomfortable with where they are and that was me and I was like holy crap and it was as simple as you were like dream a bigger vision yes that's really a bigger vision so that was such a gift yeah but navigating this has been it has been a lot yeah and it does feel like holy smokes this is a lot of responsibility and I do know I have worked my butt off to get here yes but I also believe God gave me this platform both and so that is a massive responsibility and I want to do that well yes so yeah it's it's a lot to a lot to navigate and I want to acknowledge that you're the right person and you were chosen to do this and you are special like your whole existence has prepared you for this moment like I really believe that about you and one of the other things I've told you is that I also want to help you like I I I also think the other thing when you step into that new space is to dream that bigger vision and also to seek out and surround yourself with people who are gonna support you and believe in you and push you and hold you accountable and don't be afraid to ask for their help people like me people like you at the right time we want to be there for you I want to help you create this change because you're pioneering you're trailblazing like in five years and in ten years there are going to be other they're not going to another you but there gonna be other women in the space creating a movement making a difference but you're really doing it right now right I'm so I'm so proud of you and yeah if people today are seeing why like you're just a reservoir of real myths but also like real depth real information this content you don't hear other places and so I'm curious for you a couple more things I'm enjoying this so much like I just want to extend it a little more just say you know but like what is next for you what's the next thing cuz she's just so you know guys like sought-after crazy good woman on the stage when she speaks like go trust me go see her speak go look at click like crazy good on the stage obviously you've got this gift for writing that's been not just a gift but it's something that you've worked on but what is the next level the next space for you well so the next book think thank god how it worked out was I sold the next book before this one came out praise the Lord because if if I had had this kind of success I don't know if I would have written you know I don't know if I would have written again yeah because even now people are like well you know you're never and I'm like again I go back to my why my why is I want to be a better version of myself every day yeah and my mission the reason I feel like I'm on this planet is I want to give other people tools to do the same yeah so then if I this book comes out in March it's called girls stop apologizing so stop apologizing for who you are stop feeling shame about where what you're called to do it's about how do you achieve a goal like I break it down so its tactical tangible advice I've ever offered and I if 10 people 10 people if one person if it resonates with one person then I I lived out my mission yeah I was probably more like 10 million but it's great that it will least oh my god but yeah so so the next book comes out in March and then conferences are my passion yeah because my life has changed at a conference but marriage was changed at a conference there's something that happens when you are immersed yeah right for a certain amount of days when you sort of pull yourself outside of your life and you get to see a different perspective change your environment it's a big thing and it's like it doesn't have to mine does that have to be Ed's but like if you are listening to this right now yeah you got you gotta go I'm gonna talk to the camera you've got to go to a personal growth conference yes you've got to find a teacher that resonates with you yeah and and that sparks something in you to think in a different way so it's it's our big passion and we're doing a bunch of events in 2019 is how do they find the events and how do they find you on social because I want them to be able to obviously you need to go go get girl wash your face you're gonna get obviously every book she writes here going forward but how do they find your event and are they finding all our events our events are called rice so all of our events are at let's rise Co we're on Instagram at let's rise Co and I am miss Rachel Hollis instagrams my favorite platform to hang out with you-know-who one of our speakers is that the next rise it was Nick oh gosh he's so unbelievable I found him on your podcast it's on the podcast like 10 times it was like if you have an event you got a book this kind I was like I got it I love him I just he spoke before me at the event I was just telling you about this weekend I'm so proud of him I watched him speak I'm just gonna tell you he stepped into his own he's at a whole new level it's also glad you're both here together that so it makes me feel warm inside that's all you connector that you are I love her okay couple more things yeah there's the Sun setting on you yeah I bet my I bet this hair color looks great though you are you frightened Seiden she's got her hair done today I did yeah so I am a woman you know I know I have a deep voice for a woman but I get a chance to have two minutes with you and I said girl I said I just want to be happier and I want to I want to find what my purpose is my passion is how do i how do I do that what would we the steps you tell me to take to do this so the the people that I most often hear this from our moms and so often what I hear is I've lost myself I've lost myself I'm I'm taking care of these babies or I'm I'm taking care of my partner I don't know who I am anymore and the question I always ask is who were you before you belong to them who were you before you were their mom who were you before you were his partner who were you what did you love and one of the things this is true for men and women is that I believe most of us regardless of our childhood most of us had something in our childhood that we were passionate about that made us excited that we loved it gave us something to look forward to and then somewhere along the way we got it in her heads that if we couldn't attach monetary value to it that it had no value and so I'm like you know people I'm like ooh what were you into what did you love and they're like well it's dumb I'm like what was it they're like I loved choir I'm like go join a choir or like I loved theater I'm like go join a theater go just because you can't make money on it doesn't mean it doesn't have value your passions your dreams your goals are valuable because they matter to you and it doesn't matter if they make sense to anybody else it doesn't matter if your husband doesn't get it or your mom doesn't get it or your friends think weird it's what lights your heart on fire you are a being like you are a soul that deserves to have to have a spark to have something to have time for yourself to have self-care to go to dinner with your friends to read a book just we lose this like we devote ourselves to other people and we lose the idea that we are a person whose feelings mattered so who are you before you were this person you start there oh my gosh it was crazy about your advices that should be to a man yeah yeah it should be to a man and I just feel like I want to stop there but I don't want to stop the conversation I want the conversation with you and I to continuing so I want you all to know something Rachel I talked about doing some things together that I think you'll see us doing down the road I want you following her on social media I want you going to her conferences I want you reading her books I just want to acknowledge something about you like I think you're a blessing like today for me was a blessing I I was I knew something was really great gonna happen based on seeing your content but and then like meeting you and going I just love woman and I mean that Dave you know in the most beautiful way I'll show you my version of the email but like I love you I just think you're amazing and I just feel like I love meeting people regardless of what they do who I feel like are really running in the lane on their path like they're chasing their real purpose they're on track the roads gonna be we've got all kinds of turns for you and everybody listening to this that are gonna be unexpected and all part of happening for you but I feel like I just feel like I'm sitting with somebody who's become a rock star but I'm actually if you were a stock I'd be a bi like I just feel like I'm just watching the star take off because you're gonna help so many people because so many people need your message and the most important thing for me cuz I'm a male listening to this as men you better listen to this because these are the things the women in your life the daughters in your life your mother in your life are struggling with they're thinking about they need help with and and we the women in our lives help us so much let's help them too right they don't need us yeah but we need to be helping them because it's part of our calling as well so you helped me today well I want to I want to acknowledge you in this way because I feel like I am a fan like that you know this I was such a fan and I feel like I have this unique opportunity right now with so many people who are watching or listening that they don't get to sit with you and say this like so much of what I know is because you taught it to me you've been my mentor for a long time before you knew who I was thank you and so I just want to acknowledge the work that you're doing here the work that these men are doing there and the wisdom and the insight that you bring to people every single week and how much like there are times I'm having a hard week and I literally go look at your Instagram I'm like I'm gonna find a video from Edie he's gonna say something right now that's gonna fire me up so I know that you know it but I just want to acknowledge you that like it matters so much what you're doing and I'm so appreciative okay I sensed that and I appreciate that and I'm always a text or phone call away for you to do as you know so thank you for today oh my gosh thank you like if blue bye and I've never done an interview like this before this is unique and it's different in the conversation was different and your answers were different and they were correct and right on and helped helped me to be honest with you thinking about Bella yes we're talking I'm thinking about my little girl and there's just some things you said today I can do a better job with her and supporting her and I have a deeper understanding of maybe some of the things she's thinking and going through and I didn't get I got that from the book but I got more of it even today so thanks so much like honestly guys I hope this today I know what you're all thinking you're like how do I get more and so I want you following her you've got where to find her and then obviously you know with me where to find me or you wouldn't be listening to this I just want to remind you all if you enjoyed today yeah tell people about it spread the word share it with people because I want more people to know Rachel I want her there know her message I want them to know who she is and what she stands for most important I want people in the world to know that people like Rachel exist and that they can find her and so you found me subscribe to the podcast you haven't done it if you're listening to it subscribe to the YouTube channel if you're watching every day on Instagram I'd read it to neutral two-minute drill yeah by the way Dave one was her husband one was it was a weird deal but we have a two-minute drill on Instagram every day if you make a post if you make a comment to my post in the main feed the first two minutes or the hashtag max that cool stuff happens because we pick a winner every day if you're doing the first to mention win gear my book sometimes the coaching call with me I might tweak someone like Rachel okay she'll do one so you get a 15-minute call with Rachel and then if you missed the first two minutes as long as you just make one every day we pick someone who makes one every day at any time so thank you for that you have 15 minutes is Rachel now you know you're gonna comment so please do that and continue to max out your lives and god bless you and thank you Rachel so much it was awesome max out everybody you

Channel: Ed Mylett

Views: 480,508

Rating: 4.9123721 out of 5

Keywords: rachel hollis, hollis, girl wash your face, new york best times seller, good read, top podcast, athlete, cardone, finance, education, financial, gerard, howes, kicking, maxout, money, motivation, motivational, mylett, new, nfl, podcast, punter, rachel, reads, speaker, weatherford, wfg, Rachel Hollis, ed mylett, #maxout, Edmylett, #Maxout Your Life, thechicsite, rise together podcast, the hollis company, annie F. downs, jen sincero, jen hatmaker, rommi neustadt, mel robbins, shauna niequist

Id: Yv54-P9Qyf8

Length: 58min 41sec (3521 seconds)

Published: Wed Sep 26 2018