Olympic Tat | Ashens

hello unless you were living under several rocks last year hey maybe you were who am I to judge and you will be aware that 2012 was the year the Olympic Games came to London and there was much sport and much excitement and much rejoicing and much binding in the marsh and you know all that stuff and we did amazingly well for a country with a relatively small population I think we came away event the third most amount of medals out of all of them which is flippin amazing I'm not entirely sure there was I didn't watch the sport spits not being interested myself but I did watch the opening ceremony and whoa I've seen some crazy in my life but that really did out-crazy it and I loved every second of it that's what we do in England we don't have creepy militaristic dancing with children or brass bands or anything nope we put on insane drama let me give you an example actually Wratten this was not something I've made up this is something that actually literally physically happened right in the opening ceremony they had a 50-foot puppet of Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter hassling an NHS Ward full of children but he was dispatched by a squadron of flying Mary Poppins on umbrellas and that wasn't like CGI on a screen or something that is actually was staged in the stadium oh I put on a thousand hats and take them all off to whoever sorted that one out it was absolutely amazing in ceremony far less good they just had a load of pop stars doing slightly naff songs a lot of them recent ones will probably be forgotten in five minutes the absolute nadir actually was the singer Jessie J doing her song it's not about the price tags hoon is not about the money bla bla bla bla bla she did that whilst driving round in a convoy of golden Rolls Royces I you not Deary me but hey let's not focus on the negative even though that bit was shite yeah it went really well actually the whole event it was all quite nicely organized and staged and nothing went wrong which is always nice so in your face Mitt Romney though the stories they said remember Mitt Romney the presidential candidates from America the other year he came over unlike a goodwill tour of Britain and you know he managed to just say that he thought we would up the Olympics so thanks for that you know you had one job Romney come over and be nice to people you couldn't even manage that actually occurs to me he's politically irrelevant now is he so I can insult him the granite faced fail monkey anyway this is irrelevant we need to get on talking about tat because there's plenty of that with this some sort of big promotional event like the olympics going on and why we got a lot of it most of it was officially licensed merchandise and Wow there was a lot of it and it was stupidly painfully expensive but it did have little Holograms on the packaging anyway having said that we're gonna start off with something unofficial I think this was bought from supermarket Tesco for like a pound or something an inflatable torch pride passion party that sounds like a suspiciously dangerous political party message doesn't it for some sort of racist group for hey let's ignore that bit inflatable torch yes warning choking hazard great that's the first thing you gotta say about is it so the idea is you've got something you can inflate and pretend as the Olympic torch then torched generally not having a big flag on it here it is great it's kind of like a really patriotic ice-cream cone with a bottle opener sticking out the top it doesn't even look like what it's supposed to be one absolute pile of dirt but fear not because the official Olympic mascots are here to save us here's one of them now Jesus Christ if you hadn't seen these there's a reason they didn't feature very heavily in the opening ceremony because they're horrible really horrible this is when Locke named after and some sort of demonic entity I would imagine because that is what he appears to be this is a huge problem with these things the idea behind these right is that they were supposed to be like it's some sort of steel from the girders that made the stayed in the dripped off and came to life or something yeah that's all wonderful but they look really evil don't make things you're gonna market to children make them look evil that's like rule number one in the children's mascot stuff anyway yeah when Locke the others called Mandeville can't him later also for anyone who hasn't seen the 2012 logo I'd like to point out they does look a bit like there's a sort of figure of Lisa Simpson on the right who is fellating a figure on the left yes that dues supposed to say 2012 yes I know this is why we thought we were going to it all up to be fair right collector series official products of London 2012 this Premium collector figurine shares Winlock it is signature pose to commemorate the start of his journey of discovery his discovery that he can eat children's souls yeah he's like a hard lump of metal nastiness and he's wearing really annoying bangles so I don't like 5 plus years yes that's the age of them people he eats I Mandeville the Paralympic mascot watch out for my products - yes I will watch out for your products because I imagine they are quite dangerous look here's the hologram lovely so a brilliant rainbow shimmers over the steelworks in Bolton Roose Bolton Northwest England from the last piece of steel made for the building of the London 2012 Olympic Stadium two drops fall join me on my journey I don't want to join you on your journey I don't to look at you and I certainly don't want you to appear in any of my dreams so bro Keaton I expected here we are have that in your mantelpiece a crappy plastic figurine on when walk can we take this bit off mmm no it's actually screwed on but hey that's not to protect him from damage it to protect us from him I think so yeah thanks for that worst Olympic mascot ever but hey it was a premium collector figurine totally unlike this Wenlock sports collectable which is clearly exactly the same thing except he's wearing gloves and a BMX helmet cycling includes 3d fact cards facts Wenlock will eat your soul facts Winlock hates all humanity facts it's combat oh there we are not a fight when the bloody things athletics he's gonna fall cycling yes ball sports now see that's football see that's not generic ball sports that's very much a specific ball and aquatics and despite though and that's a metal turd with arms mr. Hankey the Olympic pool fantastic thank you for purchasing son 2012 official licensed products yeah I purchased it many many months after it was relevant and so it cost me like one pound instead of the seven pounds or something you rascai words originally right all right and these cards then we'll have a look at this freaky deacon first can we take his hat off so it looks like the other one yes we can look no they did have to rescale pisshead so the scary BMX hadfield it's not going to go back now well I've ruined that marvelous lenticular cards Manton like these like things you get free in the serie learning more depressing BMX track cycling road cycling there he is good old Lance Armstrong off to inject whatever he can find directly into his retinas right what else we got then burn time we saw the other one actually isn't it Wenlock hang on these are all wedlock and why didn't I get a Mandeville the other one is presumably that's because I couldn't find any I can't remember now anyway this one's boxing look he wants to fight he wants to soften you up pull here choose on your brain and it's just the same thing again let's put this one I'm a little stand brilliant I don't know what I would have done if I hadn't bought this probably just cried myself to sleep every know what the hell he's done a big in his pants you disgust me when lock not only are some sort of evil demonic entity but your incontinent in it yeah anyway his wrestling we're men we wrestled mmm that's just then to kind of my sumo wrestling or just staring aged huh it's creepy man no I'm saying the other stuff do these things hemming creepy boxing judo Taekwondo a little bit movement on that look that he does look vaguely three these are sheep and crap they really are as I said these were so for like seven pounds each or something originally absolutely horrific and the really sad thing is none of the official Olympic merchandise ended up in Poundland I told you a lie just then some of them did presenting the official Olympic toy cars GB racers there we are there is also a sort of a lion mascot which was far better than the scary cyclopean nose drippings from earlier but this is just a kind of generic toy car is this specifically this is a saloon Team GB red thanks for that so quality of these is still actually quite lights and crap and so these were sold for like a foibles and that is a worry just so I can't get out of the package and you tell Evan bloody hell it can fly where we're going we don't need roads Marty well yeah it's this is really cheap the crap actually made by Corgi presumably from one of their cheaper construction factories yeah it's just yes the crappy little Riaz feels really weak I mean the top is diecast metal the bottom is nasty thin plastic with holes in it this is actually the sort of quality you get in Poundland anyway except you would use to get two or three for app and instead of just the one because it's got Olympics written on it brilliant oh well at least this one's in chrome looks like something Action Man would drive it's the Paralympics car and collect them all which one is this this is the endurance Paralympic GB chrome I see is it any higher quality somehow I doubt I'll crikey hang on where's the knife there we up a little bit of weaponry we can get in and see the chrome car which Eve oh my god there's not even any message that man I think that is metal where she seems even thinner and cheaper than the last 100 not fair go over there and finally I here's the other mascot Mandeville his face has been painted badly on a car by me well I suppose a pound isn't that much to ask but they were originally about five or six death to everyone involved so time for a little bit more mascot joy how about an inflatable Wenlock who has been painted up to resemble the flag of the country what he is from handheld inflatable Union flag mascot so he strapped him to your hand and then walk around going like that in order to ward off evil spirits hello I'm Winlock I love my union flag look it makes me feel even more patriotic than usual haha destroy all countries I am NOT from it reminds me of the flags fans will wave with pride when the athletes compete in 2012 it's exciting to think of all those different people and cultures coming together for the greatest show on earth isn't it I can kill them all oh yes thanks Wenlock have you met Mandeville not yet but we will very shortly because I managed to get in fight with one of those as well and I've inflated it there it's like a soft toy for a child who really really want to have horrifying problems of mentally when he's older I don't this is about that's also you can paraglide up buildings or something so you strap into your hand conser yeah now brilliant you go and stand over there Mandeville and I'm sure no harm will come of you and they have lied about that last bit so anyway that's the Olympic tat well that's all the stuff I could find cheap anyway why I would recommend you do is yeah go and watch the Olympic ceremony for the opening if you haven't seen it and if you have go and watch it again because hey it's better than Downton Abbey isn't it you

Channel: ashens

Views: 672,374

Rating: 4.9107575 out of 5

Keywords: olympics, olympic games, london 2012, wenlock, mandeville, mascots, mascot, ashens, review, funny, tat, torch, inflatable

Id: sBm-pg0F8Bk

Length: 12min 50sec (770 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 30 2013