ULTIMATE Best of Rosa Diaz | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

come on I'm so sickly sucky computers one more step in your next something's not right about that guy why just because he keeps threatening to kill me in the middle of a police precinct uh grow up because I'm physically attracted to him damn that's bad I'm only attracted to creeps the vulture the ShamWow guy when I was a kid had a major crush on the evil gremlin stripe are you crazy yeah well I'm not gonna bone Gizmo I would it's my birthday I hate birthdays if you wish me a happy birthday I will punch you you're a funny little bird DS happy birthday I'm fine at parties I just stand in the middle of the room and don't say anything you don't even like your parents you call them smiley morons and hug freaks plans are plans I'm a badass not an anarchist all right so here's all the pictures of Rosa that we have which one should we use she never Smiles is her mouth broken well what about if we flip those lips do you remember Rose's reaction last time the printer jammed thank you I'll pay for that maybe you went up the wall like this ah never mind it's not possible sure damn Rosa how did you do that I have a dark past now you know my deepest shame have you ever been dumped no in all my breakups I'm always a dumper I know you're having a hard time but I think I can fix this there's this thing that I do whenever I feel what burn everything making coffee can you make another cup for senior tickle in this nuevi Amigos I think you sprint see your tickle next time I break it off detective Diaz how's your apology to officer Needmore coming I've been working on a letter to send him yes I saw a draft of it on your desk what'd you think it was so horrifying I had to destroy the whole pad just go downstairs and apologize fine I'll say I'm sorry no be sincere like this I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry good that's the one I love my desk buddy sometimes detective Kearns and I leave presents for each other yeah well low Hank's a stubble monkey I hate him and his face garbage why don't you just tell him to stop shaving at his desk he denies even doing it I don't know why how hard the malki bites his own heart Rosa I need you to work out with hope for the next half hour cool great I'll get your sneakers this is invigorating isn't it we don't want anyone getting alcohol poisoning Sophie throw up you're disqualified I never throw up I just told my stomach to deal with it my body is terrified of me a babysitter is busy the night a boy's wedding she's going to be in her High School talent show which she's gonna lose unless her Talent is leaving potato chip crumbs all over Terry's couch wait Boyle said a date already yeah he gave out save the days yesterday he didn't give you one I think he's been avoiding me hey oh I hate Pizza he didn't invite me to his wedding and he scared like a little well maybe Vivian was uncomfortable with you coming look boy I was in love with you until a few weeks ago oh don't be angry I'm not angry I think it's funny [Laughter] joining us for lunch sir oh no I've already consumed the required calories for this day period yummy nothing better after a long shift than coming to Shaw's it's like cheers where everybody knows your name unless where everybody knows your name is hell you're scrapping hell so I texted Marcus and he hasn't texted me back I can't believe I'm asking this but can you help me oh Rosa yes I am the perfect person for this job okay let's get busy what was his initial text can't believe I missed you this much after three hours XO XO girl marry him we'll be right back it's a joke I was insulting him you know flirting you think he's mad I bet he's heartbroken no no we can fix this we just have to write a very sweet very heartfelt text that will jump start the conversation hey baby I don't call people baby you do now officer D Moore came down here to say I'm sorry oh good go ahead no that was it I did it I said I'm sorry hey I said it again now I got one in the bank so I can do whatever I want to you what are you even sorry for come on man I said the words I paused afterwards I even averted my gaze to make you feel like the alpha yeah but you didn't mean it I'd like you to apologize like you mean it fine I'm sorry you screwed up my case I'm sorry you're a terrible cop I'm sorry for your goat face and your rodent brain and your weird Goose body and then all of that I hope you feel better today we're going to work on our courtroom demeanor pass the seminar is not optional Diaz you're testifying in an aggravated assault case tomorrow the D.A is worried about how you present yourself on the stand why I'm fine on the stand look I'll make this real simple so even these dum-dums can understand man did crime I'm sorry can you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face crime and when this is over I'm gonna find you and I'm gonna break those little fingers Miss Diaz please stop threatening the sonographer this is an important case you need to do well fine I'll take your dumbass seminar watching you try to open that door and fail again and again hiring I was trying to teach you a lesson and instead you taught me a lesson right what lesson is that there is nothing the human Spirit cannot overcome so Rosa Diaz you are not quitting you are gonna open that door because you are badass and you don't need help from anyone yeah [Music] do this Rosa [Music] doing it [Music] I get it I didn't Banning me too that's it boil no more eggs you're drinking your troubles away start with this something I'd like to say a pretty private person so this is kind of hard for me but here we go I'm bisexual all right I will now field one minute and zero seconds of questions pertaining to this go Amy how long have you known since seventh grade I was watching Saved by the Bell and I thought Zack Morris is hot and then I thought Lisa Turtle also hot the fact that the words Kelly and capacity didn't just come out of your mouth is lunacy what made you decide to tell us now Charles found out on the road trip and I was positive he was not going to be able to keep the secret for much longer bye Rosa I mean not bye but bye I mean see ya I mean have fun only having sex with men just being a dudes left and right I just stopped saying bye all together so are you seeing anyone now yeah her name's Tiffany are you lying about her name so we won't look her up yes I am next do you know Anne Heche I do oh I must say this is going considerably better than when I came out to my colleagues they were not as the kids say awake do you mean woke I didn't mean woke but it's grammatically incoherent okay we have time for one more question no no absolutely not we're done smart it was not tasteful a portable ultrasonic weapon it emits a focused beam of sound which can disorient and even incapacitate a purpose so to shoot some is this a trigger yes but you want to be careful with that I thought it would be louder it's highly directional if I pointed at you you'd be incredible pain right now oh why is this happening I could date my thoughts enough the ass oh my God pretty cool detective Diaz I gathered that once again things did not go well with officer D Moore all due respect sir it's how I was trained you mess up you get made fun of it's like a scientist zapping a rat when he messes up in the Maze oh I get it when I was a young officer I was at rat and got zapped and all I wanted was to be captain and throw some lightning bolts and for Palpatine I do not know who that is but a real leader doesn't add people when they mess up they teach them how to fix the problem I think you're a leader so act like one I'll try I'm sorry please Diaz no need to make a scene I'm gonna wait till I'm on my deathbed get in the last word and then die immediately that's your plan for dealing with this that's my plan for dealing with everything I have 77 arguments I'm gonna win that way seems like a bad plan now I have 78. hey so I told Captain Holt I'd work on Saturday wait why you won fair and square I mean I murdered you that was pretty shady also it was crazy assertive and I feel like maybe I don't actually need power pose training you don't mostly because nobody needs power pose training the dinner with my parents on Saturday is to introduce him to Marcus what can you just tell me I didn't know stuff was serious yeah it's very embarrassing having feelings anyway thank you you're welcome Ruth is in love and that is why Christy and the snobs is the best babysitters club book ever hey we should go fly fishing sometimes that's never gonna happen we need to sober you up and get you back out there coffee and carbs usually work so here's what we're gonna do oh Rosa what about the carbs that was a misdirection carbs never works slapping's the only way oh I think it worked and I just want to say what makes Christian the snob so good is the snob their names are Tiffany and Shannon and they laugh at Adrian pimento was very special to me and now he's gone and I'm starting to realize there's nothing I can do to bring them back I guess life is just going to suck for a while but it's nice to know there's a room full of people who it sucks for too I'd also like to add the next person who hugs me gets their next snapped and she's back taking him you're engaged that's okay what 300 why would you be okay with that when you call this dinner you were so nervous we were worried you were gonna tell us you were gay so you would rather me be some dude's mistress than be in a loving relationship with a woman well Jake and I aren't dating but guess what your worst fear is real I'm not straight I'm bisexual and I don't care what you think about it screw this I'm out of here [Music] whoops sorry net gun a cafe called Legend ah sorry misfire ride my breasts so many accidents you must be Captain Holt hey hey uh can you give us a second baby yeah wait out there pleasure meeting you captain so this is Jocelyn I'm glad you got to meet her for the record I wasn't keeping her from you because I was afraid you were gonna hurt her feelings by being judgy I think it's hilarious when you're judgy it's because I was afraid you weren't gonna like her you and I are close and I've I value your opinion well she seems great and our limited interaction maybe you could get to know her better over Kevin's rice this weekend that would be great you might want to save your girlfriend she's talking to Hitchcock damn it it's every moment at floor put your magical hands where we can see them you're under arrest we're ruining something perfect money laundering yes money ordering whatever my choice has nothing to do with you it was the hardest thing I've ever done I gave up my career my friends my whole life but I did it because I couldn't ignore what I was a part of anymore couldn't ignore what the police are doing in my community to people who look like me I know but not all of them not me this isn't about you what's up the quaint it's whack and you know it their number one crime is tricycle theft there's a bakery attached to the precinct come on Santiago you never would have taken that job so why do you even care that they offered it to me I can't help it I'm competitive I have seven brothers and I was the only girl I always had to fight for a place at the table well you're not the only girl at the table anymore we work in a police force full of dudes we gotta have each other's backs okay saying you have my back yeah I got your back don't smile I'm still mad at you I thought we were having a moment moment's over shut up hey sorry I'm late the coffee guy was assaulting your head what is going on up there is it bad for answering that question do you currently have an eye on you yeah several and I love it it really is hair it's bad Rosa you look like Edna from The Incredibles I'm sorry don't stab me my girlfriend Jocelyn's been practicing a bunch of different hairstyles on me she's in cosmetology school is she passing honestly I don't know hey we need to write Marcus back fast he's already freaked out by how long it takes me to text him back listen Rosa there's nothing I'd rather do in my life than write a sexy text to your boyfriend but I think this is something you got to do on your own why you're so good at being lame and I'm not yeah look I like him I really like him I don't want to screw this crap up that's what you should say just take that sediment remove the word crap and then send it yeah yeah yeah I sent it he didn't write back so he hates it no wait look at that it's happening it's a shirtless pick it we did it thanks will okay I'm Gonna Leave don't follow me things are about to get intense that makes sense hey D Moore I'm sorry for making fun of you in front of everybody and also for making fun of you behind your back didn't know you did that but thank you for the apology I'm not done also I'm sorry for making fun of you during my book club those people don't even know you that was uncool also I'm sorry it's okay I get it no also I'm sorry that I didn't take the time to show you how to fix your mistake come on we can go over it upstairs thanks that'd be great oh one more sorry you're about to see a drawing I did of you in the elevator just remember I was really pissed to you at the time you like it not at all you can leave not a chance yes you did it they found him guilty on all charges huh well his advice worked so where is your happy place I'm in a cabin in the middle of nowhere inside it's just me and that's stupid slimy defense attorney and I'm eating the hell out of him I break a dining room table over his head then I rip off his arm and shove it where the sun don't shine then I reached on his throat and shake his hand yeah okay I'm gonna go ahead and schedule you for a psyche vow while wearing a wedding dress you leapt over a couch sprinted down an alley and jumped off a car to do the crap out of a perp like you were Wonder Woman it was pretty cool wasn't it Amy you are an amazing cop and a great leader and you have proven that a billion times over you can't let other people's opinions get in the way of what you want especially because other people suck I know what you're trying to try to pick them up yeah and I've been laying it on man okay but you're making a big mistake nobody sucks up like a boil of course you knew that already because you're so smart I just did it to you fine little man ring it okay looks like you and I are in a good old-fashioned suck off don't call it a suck off why not why shouldn't oh yeah yeah yeah yeah totally yep right smart good you said there's nothing you can do to bring them back but you're wrong none of us are going to stop fighting until he comes home thanks and if you ever need to talk or get drunk or throw stuff off a roof I mean I don't know your process am I hitting on anything here the roof thing sounds pretty good very well let's throw something off the roof and then we'll get back to work high five I quite like them now [Music] Rosa what the hell are you doing what you were the one that said that was before the bear went missing when life was Breezy look right now [Music] hey well Colin ambulance I'm going to do some stuff to them [Music]

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 315,995

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Stephanie Beatriz, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Detective Charles Boyle, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, NBC, Terry Jeffords, Amy Santiago, Sitcom, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn nine nine, brooklyn 9 9, best of rosa, brooklyn nine nine rosa, b99 rosa, best of rosa diaz, rosa diaz bisexual, rosa brooklyn 99

Id: 6RL2fdQ9Pe4

Length: 18min 37sec (1117 seconds)

Published: Thu May 11 2023