Types Of Relationships

[Music] hallelujah shall we pray father your word says that unto you shall the gathering of a people be i pray that you will grant me a trance for your people i pray holy spirit that you will take over absolutely let everything carnal and fleshly be abased and let all that is spiritual come forth i pray that the word that i shall speak unto your people shall be spirit and it shall be life and it shall be a word that shall abide with them forever i thank you for transformed lives i thank you for the workings of the holy spirit and us because of this word o jesus be enthroned be lord and have your way in jesus name amen hallelujah i want to start this morning by speaking to you about types of relationships part four amen types of relationships or if you like types of marital relationships amen i trust that god will speak to everybody somehow through what shall be shared um we had part one i believe in ghana part two in the uk part three in geneva and this is part four amen i trust that the holy spirit proves chapter 20 verse 6 many a man proclaims his own loyalty but who can find a trustworthy man that's the new american standard and king james says most men will proclaim everyone his own goodness but a faithful man we can find amen the reason why we all say i do is because somebody professes an undied and unchanging love for you the book of proverbs says many men will profess the undying love profession is like a confession and it is that thing that makes you leave your father and your mother who gave birth to you who have lived with you all these years you meet a stranger you don't know or you hardly know he says to you lay your troubles on my shoulders put your worries in my pocket and within a few days weeks or months you believe that this creature can put all your troubles in his own pocket let me ask you where does he put his own problems even his own problems he cannot pocket them and then for you he's saying lay your troubles on my his small shoulders and put your worries in my pocket and forget about the rest of life it is this mystery that i believe paul says that it's a mystery sometimes even when the men are professing they are dying love they don't even have a bank account you don't know where the next paycheck is going to come from but your whole life's decision is based on words that somebody is telling you your parents have lived with you all these years they've nurtured you when you meet this person you say i need to leave i need to go you are you are packing your things and they are saying oh take your time we are not ready now in six months i said six months i can't why because somebody has professed this undying love many men will profess their undying love but a faithful man who can find now the fact that the bible says we can find does not mean you cannot find because in the book of proverbs it says that a virtuous woman who can find and then it goes on to enumerate the things that can make a virtuous woman so when the bible says that a faithful man who can find it does not mean that you can't find them but they are few and far between and it's not easy to locate such a person hallelujah and women women always thrive on words and we meditate on the words of a man more than we meditate on the promises of god [Music] we meditate on the promises of a man more than we meditate on the covenant of god but the bible says in joshua 1 8 this book of the law not that letter not that email not that facebook whatever not that text but this book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth but thou shalt meditate upon a day and night but when we wake up in the day oh all out thoughts are he said that this and he said i look beautiful so what did he exactly mean and you know he said he would never leave me some people come for counsel and i say so how do you know this is the right person for you oh lady pass i just know i said like lady pastor the tenderness of his voice [Applause] helly pastor he makes me laugh let me ask you if life can be built on the foundation of laughter and tenderness oh but it is the word of god that stays the same forever for the bible says that heaven and nest will pass away but my word will never pass away when you read jeremiah 17 6 let's go to it in fact from verse 5 thus says the lord cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength and whose heart tends away from the lord for he'll be like a bush in the desert and will not see when prosperity comes but will live in stony wastes in the wilderness a land of salt without inhabitants blessed is the man who trusts in the lord and whose trust is the lord for he'll be like a tree planted by the water that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes but its leaves will be green and it will not be anxious in a year of drought no cease to yield fruit amen now what the bible is showing us here is that just by deciding to trust in god you just put yourself in a position to be like a tree planted by water to have your roots extended by a stream to not be afraid when heat comes to have ever green leaves to not be anxious in a year of drought and to not cease to yield fruits just by trusting in the lord all these things just automatically follow but when you put your trust in a man the first thing that you are is that you are cursed cursed is the man who trusts in mankind and makes flesh his strength and whose heart turns away from the lord then he tells you how you will be one you'll be like a bush in the desert you will not see when prosperity comes it's not that it won't come but you will not see so it will just pass you will live in stony west in the wilderness and you will be like a land of salt without inhabitants many of us put our trust in the wrong things and the reason why the theme for this year's daughter convention is surviving in the wilderness is that the bible is saying here that if you put your trust in man you begin to dwell in the wilderness the land becomes salted and so many things that are wrong go wrong with you but if you put your trust in the right source even in the time of drought you may be in the wilderness all right you may be in a dry place but your leaves don't cease to yield fruits and you continue to be evergreen now many of us are very very traumatized and confused by relationships because most women are wired by god to to be relationship oriented the main problem we came to solve was a relationship-based one we didn't come to solve world poverty we didn't come to solve illiteracy says that he's alone i'll make a woman meet for him and help me somebody who can connect to him and after that adam and eve ate of the tree and they fell and the minute they fell one of the first things that was attacked was their relationship immediately adam began to blame god is the woman thou gavest me and many of us as we go on the road of marriage we now begin to look at our decisions and to wonder whether we took them or is the woman that my pastor gave at me is the woman that my friend gave us me [Music] is the woman that my sister gave at me or the man [Music] and we begin to point fingers and to lay blame and eve to say that is the serpent he beguiled me and i did eat so in many relationships very few people take responsibility for what goes wrong in a relationship and our mindset is often that if you will change things will be easier if only you will bend a little things will be easier but because you have made yourself so rigid things are so hard but you cannot change a person because it is god who is at work in us both to willing to do it is not you who is at working another human being too willing to do so it's the holy ghost that brings about change in our lives now can you not see that in our own work with god god has a lot of problems with us and even that relationship is made up of one perfect person which is god and still we get to places where we wonder whether he loves us so it's no wonder that sometimes you wonder whether your husband loves you before even god it occurs to you many times whether he cares and it is all because of our fallen nature since we fell in the garden our relationships have been disrupted and we've had a lot of problems amen but one perfect god who loves us and he says look i will not if i gave you my son i will freely give you all things but we pray and we still have sleepless nights because we don't trust that i mean it's a human failing you know somebody said lord help my unbelief because when you get yourself how much more a man with flesh and blood will there not be times of doubt suspicion questionings not necessarily sometimes because your partner is bad but because we have all eaten of that fruits and that fruit doesn't occur well for us in the bible there's no relationship with the bible or should i say marital relationship that did not have its challenges no matter who it was if it was abraham he had a domestic beast he would not try to solve amen if it was isaac he had a time of breakdown in communication where he would not tell rebecca what he is doing every time i'm invited to help people cut their cakes i say that you have come to stand here as a team you are holding the knife as two people who have become one let it not be oh man that in the time when you prosper you now start to do things individually because you have publicly shown us that you can stand together and do things because now you don't have anything even a bicycle tie but in the day that you can afford a rolls royce doctor was amen [Applause] remember that something else tried as the cutting of a cake you did it together and that signifies that in life you work together amen when you look at isaac rebecca they had their problems jacob with leah rachel they had their problem how come you on your wedding day you thought that you have a trouble free life how come have you seen any like of you in the bible look in the bible and look at your life and tell me whether you have seen anybody like you in the bible the type of aspirations and hopes that you have that this person will never hurt me this person will never raise his voice this person will always talk to me nicely he will always say things the right way and not only that he will always know what i'm thinking i mean we are so united you know and i mean he's my soul mate and i can just pour out my soul but the inner depths and all of such understanding amen the brothers also married with a lot of ideas about how you will be even in the bedroom [Music] the super imagined the super imagined and they never thought that they never thought about that why did the bible say god say to them that you know don't defraud each other come together quickly those verses were written because of our behavior so god foresaw and brother don't defraud each other come together quickly and you are burning marry all these how come you always feel that you will live above all these things that is the delusion of this life amen and in the light of that i want us to look at some of the biblical relationships amen we've done that in part 1.3 and we are going to look at others amen because as for the relationships in the bible there are more first samuel chapter 25 so that's a story you know very well first samuel chapter 25 amen most of you you also don't buy the messages so when i have to preach i have to go over say things you know sometimes people come to me what's this about me that revelation i've never heard it before which revelation or that revelation about esther never have i had but when i say you are in this church you will listen to the messages and the one that probably is a revelation it's been that long it's not new amen when i go to a place where the people don't have women's meetings the women are different and the ministry is also different when i go to a place where there'll be women women it's not necessarily even with me but the ground is just watered the word goes for the women are different i can see it amen and so sometimes i say look when somebody kiss i want to leave my husband he's this he's that he's that he's that and i said but where you are going you are going to go off you are just on the brink of going off and you are now going to act abnormally so already because it has happened already i've already slapped six employees in this office i said how come so we all work in the same place i've slapped his boss because she gave him a certain pay rise i didn't understand i think it was for sleeping with her so i've already slapped that person and then just you have made yourself a private investigator every day you are looking through mail looking through text hey is that not enough work in this life and to be looking at mail looking at text can that control the person only god can control a person only the holy spirit can control a person amen and after spending hours with i remember exactly where i was i was outside the country and she had also flown outside the country i remember exactly where i was i left my breakfast in the midst of it i said this person has to catch a plane and this is a problem let me spend time with it and i asked her have you listened to daughter don't be obsessed is it a message so let the pastor where can i get it have you i said have you listened to daughter your heart oh no can i get a piece of paper to write then i said well the time that i've spent with you all there is more than an hour i still cannot impart certain things that god may be saying so you need to get the messages not because it's a way of becoming famous but it's because it's god's word that he puts in our mouth and i know that the word of god will heal you so she wrote the things that how will i get them so my country i will ask your country is there a lot of people have listened to it but you don't know that the painful thing is after spending all those hours i just heard a few weeks that she has left the church she's gone her husband is still in the chat but she's not there anymore and she's almost like another case now you see so it's not that you won't listen to the message but you may listen too late or you may not listen at all do you understand so and there are different facets of ministry for instance i have many lady pastor friends i move with sometimes i go and do daughter with them or i send them go here and preach daughter gracious women i was very happy because bishop gave me that idea that it will help the word go forth but as time has gone on then they come and tell me sister mommy i think i want to come full time we are all very excited they are coming full time so now you know maybe daughter will be more grounded will be able to move but as they come and they'll talk to somebody god will do wonderful things as i said you will not be posted to this office wow obama is deposited you will not be posted because the church is a big organization and they have different departments so the fact that you have applied you can't say that i want to go to daughter department you can say that it doesn't mean that it will be followed you understand because the need may be somewhere else and all of them have come like that and none of them have come to my office and they are surprised that my prophecy is true and even now i have to call them can you go for a gracious message oh i have a radio program have healing jesus crusade huh it's not because they have become a certain way but the work is so much that not everybody can do everything what i'm saying is that i think that bishop's ministry is different his ministry is to pass this he encourages people to rise up and work and work for god it's a good thing that is not usually what i speak about but it just happens as i move with the people they decide to come into full-time ministry but i don't have that direct approach of asking you that are you coming you know when you see can you do pole vault and it's not my style so i'm trying to say that the ministry has different facets and people have different ways of entering god's will amen first samuel chapter 25. has to do with your marriage whatever you have to go into a certain area and open your heart and allow god to minister to you from there first summer 25 it's a very popular story though let's read from verse two now there was a man in my own whose business was in camel and the man was very rich and he had three thousand sheep and a thousand goats um number three now the man's name was neighbor and his wife's name was abigail and the woman was intelligent and beautiful in appearance but the man was harsh and evil in his dealings and he was a calabite amen so this gives us a profile of a couple the woman is intelligent and beautiful the man is harsh an evil man and yet he has some religious strengths of being a calibri the descendant of kaelin then as we go on david comes to ask him for things and he just speaks anyhow and abigail goes to make intercession for him and all the things that go on amen verse 39 when david heard that neighbor was dead he said blessed be the lord who has pleaded the course of my reproach from the hand of neighbor and has kept back his servant from evil the lord has also returned the evil doing of nabal on his own head then david sent a proposal to abigail to take her as his wife when the servant of david came to abigail at camel they spoke to her saying david has sent us to you to take you as his wife and she arose and bowed with her face to the ground and said behold your maidservant is amazed to wash the feet of my lord's servants then abigail slowly arose abigail quickly arose and rode on a donkey with her five maidens who attended her and she followed the messengers of david and became his wife david had also taken a heenum of jesus and they both became his wives emani now abigail was my to a hush man evil in his doings somebody who would just disgrace you in public he will not tell you about what is happening in the house when david came to ask him oh we've been guarding your people and all that give us a little food you just say oh i don't have anything to give you he started to insult them now there's these useless people who have come and all sorts of things and because of that the whole household almost lost their life so abigail has to go in a diplomatic way send food ahead get down beg david and i think she had had enough because when she went she said that my husband is neighbor and surely he's a fool at that time her heart had turned sour maybe and she felt that you know that the stresses are too many this isn't about he really worries me and he doesn't even contain what happens in the house he's now taking it outside and he's taking it to great men of god that god is using people with the future people with the pro i mean he doesn't have any respect and he doesn't know where to where to draw the line you see so after that to cut a long story short never dies and then david says blessed be the name of the lord blessed this neighbor was some way and god kept me from fighting him blessed be but anyway when the wife came i really checked it out and now that neighbor is no more i think she will make a good wife so he sent messengers for abigail whenever i read the story abigail arose quickly where do you know david from one encounter one encounter that you went to say oh my lord this other i know that you will be king whatever as soon as one exited you are ready to invite another in and that is how we are even sometimes it's not marriage but as soon as we break one relationship we are in a hurry to enter the other one [Music] and when we look at david we see abigail probably saw that david doesn't have neighbor's problems he speaks nicely he's not harsh he's spiritual and above all he's a king never was a great man but this one is even greater a lady faster don't rob me of my blessings [Applause] he takes my advice and then when she comes she is added to a hinom the jesuits and she joins herself peacefully to her just like that sometimes the drive to be a wife makes you go into relationships that are not really fitting but you want to fit yourself into that thing so even if the jesus is there you are prepared to be a second wife because you feel that neighbor was so bad that being a second wife to david surely must be better than being a housewife amen we are reading on are you there second summer chapter three this is first samuel remember that second samuel chapter three verses two to five and unto david were sans born in hebron and his first one was amnon of ahinum the jesuits and his second chilean of abigail the wife of neighbor the camellite and the third absalom the son of makkah the daughter of talmaya king of gesher and the fourth adonijah the son of hageth and the fish of attire the son of abital and the sixth e stream by igla david's wife these were born to david in hebron now let me ask you if you have to choose between a man who embarrasses you in public and to choose between a man who has an in one makka the daughter of talmud the king haggis abita egla and all these people which one would you choose my point is that the grass is not greener anyway so you better make what you are in work because when you exchange it you have not exchanged anything you have exchanged problems a new problem does not mean a new beginning amen many of you if you are honest you would like to be insulted the man talks anyhow and he does not respect than to have this iglia egla he dream why and ladies this should be a message to you that when you come after i'm the jesuit lightest know that others will be added on to you why is it that we can't see and we always feel as we are coming you know you arose quickly quickly because you have lived with neighbors problems so much that you feel that neighbor is a pain in the neck but when you exchange you go american david i tell you and that's not the end of the story let's read on second samuel chapter 5 13-15 and david took him more concubines and wives out of jerusalem after he was come from hebron and there were yet sons and daughters born to david and these be the names that were born unto him in jerusalem solomon abraham also and elusia nephi and jafar how many step children can you have after taking all this but she hasn't come home macau hasn't come [Applause] and then apart from the wife's concubines but i thought it was you was always complaining about your marriage to neighbor i thought it was you would say that marriage to neighbor is next to hell let it pass that i can't survive it anymore see there's a lady in our ministry she has lived with a man for so many years they have children grown-up woman now suddenly she came and said that she's not married this person how can she not be mine we have not really done all that ladybuster i have found that beloved she's coming for beloved counsel yes yes she's coming for beloved counseling ladybuzzer bm and say so does your husband know oh but if we are there you are not progressing whatever this one you know he's fine he is this a grown-up woman not a teenager like you said oh this is just a teenage freako nothing like that she's preparing to go for counseling and she's in the church fully and she comes with her husband the husband follows like that [Applause] so i asked any person does he know he's being left she said uh it looks like that grown up children she's saying now that i've lived with him i've always told him lady pastor let's regularize things and it's not like that's 15 years or so he has never regularized this so now i've also found somebody who loves me so i'm going say so where is the person in america [Applause] it is because you probably think that america is an end to all your marital problems do you know the demons in america that are waiting for you [Applause] many of us don't work on our relationships the way we should because we don't want to stay our eyes on what god has given us as our portion we want to look elsewhere oh if i was married to this man he would not be like this or if i was married to this he would not be like that if i should we use your life as a guinea pig experiment to show you that when you switch neighbor for david sometimes the problem that your david brings may be greater more unbearable than what your neighbor brings to you hallelujah turn to the person next to you and say the grass is not greener anyway they are mowing and watering the grass on the other side so you too begin to water and mow your own grass so that your grass can work for you [Applause] amen the thing about marriage is that many things are hidden and the reason why many things are hidden is because i told you yesterday if god takes you through the short way you will give up you turn to egypt say this type of nonsense for what but when god takes you step by step when you say hey i never knew is this me that become humble i cooked mushrooms is it me it is you amen i will take a vote at tonight's dinner how many preferred neighbors how many prefer davids move on from there amen now there are other relationships also that genesis chapter 23 genesis chapter 23 verse 2 chapter 23 verse 2 and sarah died in kiriath jerba that is hebron in the land of canaan and abraham webb went in to mourn for sarah and to whip for her that's 19. and after this abraham buried sarah his wife in the cave of the field at macpella facing mama that is hebron in the land of canaan then come to genesis 25 1-7 now abraham took another wife whose name was ketu and she bought to him zimran at that age of jugshan medan median ishbok ensure help us jesus now abraham gave all the year to isaac but to the sons of his concubines he married keturah but he also had his concubines abraham gave gifts while he was still living and sent them away from his son isaac eastwood to the land of the east why do women feel that they can never be replaced and they should never be replaced there's no such thing some people have told me like if i die my husband marries again i'll be very hated then be hated now no matter their age they have a need they need us to look after them they cannot function they cannot function we can decide that we will live without but every man prays to god give me this day my daily bread you know the daily bread after abraham has wept and mourned for sarah and going to get a nice cave for sarah and all of us will be saying oh how abraham loved sarah or how he went out of his way to get a nice grave for her but his needs still exist and success even after death and that need has to be met by a female because god planned it so daily bread and we always want to be this special very different it's like you want your husband to mourn you maybe 10 years it does happen it does happen i met a deacon in south africa this year his wife died and he has not recovered his wife died is like two three years he has not recovered she was going her sister bought a new car and then came to get her and their mother to test drive the car they left him at 6 30 by seven he got a phone call the adult died all he said lady pastor i became very bitter towards god his son the second son who was 14 has become a muslim he said look at how mommy used to pray look how mommy was a prayer warrior if this can happen to mommy then now i do allah kabara so he has two children the other one is younger but the 14 year old has now started to wear turbans he spreads his mat and he goes about her and she said when i'm dealing with the grief of my wife look at what and he's at that time i didn't feel the same way or same as in leaving god but i wasn't in a position to talk to him or counsel him or so i said so why don't you marry again so that you have a new life you can move on ladybuster my wife has always been my administrator we started from nothing today look at the grand cherokee i'm driving you in i'm very wealthy and i'm not sure why the ladies in the church are interested in me i said but you can't be using that too okay let me tell you he was telling me shopping let me tell you that i am not healed and i don't want to go into a relationship when i'm not healed because i worried the person i would really worry that woman now said that my wife didn't used to make toast this way my wife didn't used to make eggs this way it says i am not healed and i don't want to work then bishop asked him so but do you see any movements the sisters move into a superposition oh bishop more ask for that more but the loss of my wife is so great to me that i almost want to say never again but you don't know sometimes you are not well so you say never i almost want to say never again but for now i just want god to heal me and then i'll be well and of course being a woman i fell in love with the man i said oh how is sweet how dedicated how devoted oh so people like that still exist hallelujah i thought it was so cute you know and i kept saying oh he's so cute the bishop said so mr psyche is not cute [Applause] he said i have not said that but no matter your desire to be the only one the only uh what pebble in the sea the only icing on the cake or the only cherry on the cake and not it's a dessert that doesn't exist because of the man's need for this daily bread see i asked my mother once i said if my father passed away will you marry against hey this work i can't do it again i can't at all do it again incidentally when we're in south africa we spoke to this brother and all that then a lady president south africa called me i think the day before i left ah she said mommy we've heard that bishop zaki is marrying and all that he's good he needs to marry but i just want to tell you one thing if ever bishop is no more and then you say you are going to marry we will chew your head off i just want to tell you i had i just want to tell you ahead of time that we will chew your head off i said don't worry it shall be well but when you see abraham when you see his age he has heard hagar struggle girls before isaac you have buried sarah i can imagine how he wept but he still spotted the keturah ladies why do we put our trust in things that change why do we put our trust in things that can never remain constant why don't we put our confidence like god says cursed is he who puts his trust in man and makes the arm of flesh his strength why is your strength or your your drive that he should really make me this he should i don't know how to explain why why why is your driving your zeal only in that direction why don't you set your affections on things that are above where christ is seated at the right hand side of god you know something now i'm at a stage that if the lord were ever to call me home i would rather feel pity for those of you who are alive and i will be praying for my husband because he needs a certain wisdom because we women we are not straightforward and now things are a certain way so my main concern will be him more than me that the lord has called do you understand the story he had keturah and this man who could not give birth has been able to get seven more children to add and at this old age you also take concubines that thing is a disease or ladies it's a disease and it's not about you it's about the way that the function of the body the home is not about you can't you see amen we sit down and we say somebody face the husband so you marry again look at you look at i said that is frustrating you sister but you can't rule after death the main thing lesson in this abraham's story is that nothing lasts forever since the fall of man there's nothing that's not subject to decay there's nothing that does not have an expiry date on it there's nothing that lives on forever except the word of god eternity and our works here on earth that we will carry with us it's time to be eternity-minded and like bishop says when you are not seeking certain things they rather come to you but those of us who make you know this idealistic relationship our whole aim and drive and we seek it with our whole heart and forget about everything else we never come to the place of satisfaction and fulfillment but if you put god first even you become more beautiful than you are a certain attraction comes over you through the holy spirit that's why the bible says that charm is deceitful you can deceive everybody without charming you are and even beauty is vain whereas those who are miss america 2009 2008 truth every year changes beauty is vain but a woman who fears the lord she shall be praised all fleshes as grass and the glory thereof just withers away the earth with us and the flower fades by the word of god stand still forever why don't you go into his presence where he tells you i have loved you with an everlasting one i will never change you for somebody else the price that i have paid is the price that i have paid why don't you ask that god will make his life real to you because when you get to that place you become a stable person because god's love makes you so and i think that that's why paul pray that you may be able to comprehend the love of god the length the breadth the height it takes a comprehension and that can be done only by the holy spirit and when you understand that when things even crumble around you you may weep you may but that is not your fault that's not your foundation that's not what your whole life is built on it's time to turn your eyes and look higher in jesus name amen trying to sift through the relationships which ones we should genesis 38 verse 11 then judah said to his daughter-in-law tamar remain a widow in your father's house until my son sheila grows up for he thought i'm afraid that he too may die like his brothers so tama went and lived in her father's house now after a considerable time shura's daughter the wife of judah died and when the time of mourning was ended judah went up to his share bearers at timna he and his friend he rather abdullah might and it was told to tama behold your father-in-law is going to timna to share his sheep so she removed her widow's garments and covered herself with a veil and wrapped herself and sat in the gateway of ennam which is on the road to timnah for she saw that sheila had grown up and she had not been given to him as a wife when judah saw her he thought she was a harlot for she had covered her face so he turned aside to her by the road and said here now let me come into you for he did not know that she was his daughter-in-law and she said what will you give me that you may come into me he said therefore i'll send you a kid from the flock she said moreover will you give a pledge until you send it and he said what pledge shall i give you and she said your seal and your court and your staff that is in your hand so so he gave them to her and went into her and she conceived by him then she arose and departed and removed her veil and put on her widow's garment when judah sent the kid by his friend abdullah might receive the pledge from the woman's hand he did not find him and he asked the men of her place saying where is the temple prostitute who was by the road at anam but they said there has been no temple prostitutes here so he returned to judah and said i did not find her and furthermore the men of the place said there has been no temple prostitute here then judah said let her keep them lest we become a laughingstock after all i sent this kid but you did not find it now it was about three months later that judah was informed your daughter-in-law tama has played the harlot and behold she is also with child by hallow tree then judah said bring her out and let her be bend it was while she was being brought out that she sent to her father-in-law saying i am with child by the man to whom these things belong and she said please examine and see whose signet ring and court and staff are these and judah recognized them and said she's more righteous than i in as much as i did not give her to my son sheila and he did not have relations with her again this is the relationship where you don't know who you are really dealing with the relationship where we cover ourselves with the veil and then after we have had you we take off our veil and we wear we those garments and become who we have been all the time sometimes in a woman's drive to be married she is a top chief pretender sometimes she may not even know that she's pretending because of the drive to find a man by all means so when she looks in the church and this is the preach you know if she doesn't become a shepherd don't marry her if she doesn't come for prayer meeting don't marry her when you want to know how spiritual she ask her to pray and when she prays you will know so you have gone to learn psalm 46 verse 1. and when we call you to pray then you say oh god who is a refuge and our strength a present help in trouble we call upon you god will makes wars to cease from the ends of the earth you who said be still and know that i'm go then the brothers say hey she's very spiritual she really loves girl she's really worked with god for a long time but what it actually is is that you have covered yourself with a veil you have taken on another identity that is not your own just so that you may get what you want amen somebody said i'm preparing to my bishop sake so i've gone for all lady pastor steps [Applause] and i'm listening to them till i am transformed into what they want what they want yes so you we transform ourselves into what we think will attract judah and judah may not naturally be drawn to us so we look for his roots the journey the way he often goes sometimes goes on the way of ministry or he likes you because you say i love god and i just want to save him i just want to give everything to him and it's all available when you go to your room god has not heard from you hey for a long time when you are doing anything you don't consider and it does not care to you what would jesus do what does god's word say about it doesn't occur to you but as i said to they say they promised me this but they didn't give me they promised me sheila it didn't work all the relationships haven't worked so in the church i have to find you study the journey and you say judah is traveling along this way so let me also go and position myself sometimes it is not a literal journey it's a journey of ministry the journey of the future the journey of purpose you know that the person often comes by this way the journey of food oh brothers [Applause] and she puts a veil on herself she is judah's daughter-in-law but in a drive to have children by all means she breaks protocol she breaks every boundary she does not mind sleeping with a father figure like judah she does not mind sleeping with her husband's father because she wants something that is a drive so she forgets about the other thing it doesn't matter this is what i want and at all cost i'm going for it but if i go as who i am i will be recognized so let me take off my widow's garments for i'm a widow and let me put on the veil of a prostitute judah naturally was not attracted to tama but when he saw her sitting there and then also she knew that he had lost his wife the bible says when the time of morning was ended for judah he began to take that just so he hasn't seen a woman for a long time so you anticipate his need and then you put the veil and you sit where judah cannot help but encounter you because that is the way he's going to share his ship his intention is not to look for a woman but you make yourself a stress this one pushes covered yourself with a veil with my experience in ministry now i've come to see that sometimes even those who look like nuns they are the most dangerous my heart has been broken time and time again about the church of god our behavior the things we do there's no fear of god i mean i know a lady now church hey her smile disarming she does not wear any makeup she does not wear any funny clothes oh but many have fallen by her hand [Applause] when she says she smiles lady pasta as how are you even me a woman i said how girlless what a godless person i mean young you see i preached that she came and gave her life to christ let's do the scale she would do well must encourage her we must eat she has slain many so this year my husband was asking himself mommy i think i want to suck this girl from the church [Music] and i said why i said that because there's no repentance from one end she likes you know missionaries pastora whatever oh very very sweet girl and married sweet and she was even the beloved of a missionary when she has helped him do that she has left the missionary when we asked her why i worry him and i married him and after all this i saw her with another brother who was very serious to me i told bishop now on mondays she knows that full-timers are free on mondays she takes a taxi to go and visit her brother and in the church because we cover what people do i mean just so that you can recover you see if we come and see the puppet you are this year that you cannot recover easily so love covers them all so we try to come but we realize that the serial killers that gives them [Applause] that gives them in roots to do things and sometimes they are if you like public ministry like in the choir you see some of them are in the choir when i see them sing jesus jesus they lay off the valley see [Applause] it is not that they were walking and then they tripped or they were working maybe you had a beloved and then you fell in sin with it's not like that it's syria you should see me in my closet sometimes when some of these things have happened especially these days when i get on my knees sometimes i don't know what to tell god i just feel so sad so broken so burdened so when i just open my it's just tears it's just as lord have mercy change us because not only are we like that we are destroying families in the church one rich man in the church told me recently that he's my friend they said turn to the next person if a person doesn't have an offering give the person an offering and he gave the lady fifty dollars or so i'm irregular for no fundraising then the lady started saying in the kodesho not outside somewhere i needed some advice on my career whatever can you saw he gave the number he said since then says mommy it's not been easy so he told me that that sunday he told the lady do you know sister mommy the lady said no she said i'm going to tell her that you are chasing me you are chasing me fully i'm going to tell her i said to him but you too when she says career course why do you give your number back oh brad this but now she's calling you calling you the day that you occur with your wife that's the day she will call you the bible says the prudent man sees the evil that is and keeps himself so i didn't even understand my words god i'm so heartbroken is it that i'm self-righteous so i don't think that is what it is then isi preacher came and said that when nehemiah heard that the walls were broken she sat down he sat down and wept and moaned and fasted for many days i said this is the feeling i have i now have a scriptural meaning for what i do matama veiled herself and and posed as a prostitute and with the prostitute you don't have any lasting relationship do you understand it's a service station you get there you refuel you use the bathroom and then you buy a few scones or some starbucks coffee and then you're on your way so that is what judah thought he was getting i am not saying that it is right but his intention was totally different from thomas intention and the force he didn't even have money to pay which means that he was not even it was not a planned thing [Music] it was not a plant it was not an intention but the way we position ourselves sometimes when you see us you can't god have mercy on the brothers then you don't have the money so now you are taking pledges like an offering in the church you are now taking pledges and she said that he said what should i give you when she said give me your signet your code your staff your thing of authority what you stand for you know the mandate that god has given you give me these three things and i'll be okay in the midst of the pleasure whatever you think you are going to get you give all these three things freely to a temple prostitute that you don't know from anywhere ladies we are powerful weapons i tell you we are powerful and if wives will use this weapon many homes will be powerful amen so he gives these things to her and then he feels free and for a man when it's over it's over he's moving on with his life that is the difference between a man and a woman when there's a breakup i've always observed in the church the men recover earlier and i love to speak to them i said so it's no more it's no more it was i was really broken and what are you going to do i have to move on then when the sister comes i say so what are you going to do let the person i can't believe it i can't believe it i said hey and then as the time time goes on i sometimes say have you heard the did wedding bands he's going to my anybody i won't come to church for the last two weeks because when i hear the announcement something happens the person moved on and has recovered already for judah it was not a lasting relationship because that was not even his intention so he went and then later he remembered that i've made a pledge i have to pay for so he sends his friend to go and redeem the things for so many days you have to remember that you have left your things oh man pta and then when the friend comes tama is not there anymore and judah says oh let it be after all the kid is here and then you know i don't even value day i miss ok then they come and tell him that tama is pregnant he said she has to be bent she has to die for what she has done now sometimes in the church of god women are judged on a different scale many men are not virgins but nobody takes them up on it and sometimes a judgment on us is too severe you know some brothers were talking they said they are looking for a wife whatever and i was there listening i have to marry a veggie whatever then i asked the man you are you ever said oh oh let you remember that's beside the price it's not beside the house the number of lotto cures that you have bought from but when you hear our story you say we should be bent but god's mercy is greater than that that's why god is the judge he says she should be bent you know quick to pass judgment especially on women because we are supposed to be tender pure holy there's a certain image of us and when we don't meet that image even though christ has forgiven us the world and the church does not forgive us easily we are always judged by our past although we have moved on and have become new creatures in christ but let me ask you when a woman is bad with who wait who is she bad when she is pregnant can she orchestrate her pregnancy alone have you heard she's pregnant they will never say the man is pregnant or has anything to do with it the woman caught in adultery she was caught but does it take one to commit adultery it takes two oh but thank god for his never-ending mercy he sees us two eyes of love and forgiveness amen he said that she has to be bent then the woman is there three months later not three months after the issue three months after judah has has gone to look and said that she's pregnant she should be bent three months after they come and say who is the father of this she says typical woman she doesn't just mention that anymore would you digest it she brings the three things out signet called me stuff man to whom these three things belong he is the father of my baby the injured now says oh i'm more sinful than he it's okay it's okay but when she left the place as a temple prostitute when she came back she put on a widow's garment again some of us have we are very savvy at moving from one identity to another when you are with the world you are full-blown and believer when you come into the church we are all so mesmerized and we feel so blessed to know you in the church you wear a veil out there you put on other garments and we don't know who you are and you go with the same thing into relationships ladies if a man wants to love and marry you let him know who you are so that he will know what he's getting don't wear a veil to attract him and then later wear with those garments be who you are so that he will know if you don't like cooking don't go and buy your mother's stew and then come and say that [Applause] look all my examples they are real because i do a lot of counseling you see the lady who came to tell me after four weeks that why didn't you tell me in the marriage counseling that marriage is nonsense so i told that when we print the book again that would be the first chapter marriage is nonsense then we move on from there and do you know what she told me i've told you the story before she told me that this is about me i've never cooked and i said hey but when you were dating your husband he was coming to yourself it was always cooked by my mother but i i always served it so he thought that he was marrying some very great cook so she told me herself that when she got my the first few days she was home so when the husband goes to work then she will go to her mother's kitchen she said mommy how much is your oh cross 250 then she pays how much is your job of 20 that she pays then she carries it all home so by the time the guy comes there's food you understand and she said have you not noticed that i always have well manicured nails i said well manicure they say yes because i don't put them in water system i don't i said so before your husband came into your life how were you living like when you are hungry oh i eat in the streets i eat off the streets any food i find i eat now i've gone to mind problems so she went to buy the jollof one day and then when the man came said oh i actually like the under crust this is not a story from can i have it she was telling me she said to samantha immediately i grew ballistic i said you are somewhere i said why she said if i don't pick a choir i will not have an answer is that you you are really somewhere a gentleman like you what do you want class for what are you asking for crafts for gentlemen don't eat grass oh husband said oh but what have i said to marry this outburst she said oh i used all that to cover up the and he still said i just want to see the pan and i will scrape it myself [Applause] you know what she said she told me that she told the husband in my mother's house when we finish cooking joseph we change the pots and we scrap whatever is left i said sister are you a christian to live in a lie and i answered i said this is like the fifth week in your marriage for how long will you continue to be who you are not and i answered did he pay you compliments when he came to your mother's house he said oh always wonderful food delicious she knew nothing about it but in a bid to be married or to attract somebody you put on the garment of a great cook but if you are not tell him that me the best dish i can make is tea [Applause] i am prepared to learn i am prepared to add to what i the little i know but for now this is where i'm at but we pretend we put veils on us at the cost of a relationship by all means and then when we get into the marriage the person feels short-changed so this is not what i bargained for i'm married in the night and you yourself don't have the confidence that you were chosen for who you were or who you are but you were chosen for who you are supposed to be if it's godly that you want to look godly be godly for your own self be real for your own self amen jesus said water your pharisees because you love to be the praise of men and you love to be seen amen but if you love to be seen and you love to do this so that people will have an idea about you why don't you become that real thing so that you it will really be you but if you behave like tama today you are a veiled person like a prostitute the next day you are in widow garments the next time you are the daughter in love judah how should we see you then you are a chameleon we don't know who you are when you come to church we don't even know you have a beloved meanwhile you have four constant mates nobody knows you see there's a lady i knew in one of our churches not in ghana and she was having wild marital beasts with her husband and tell the husband you you're a useless man the other even i will not go to church with you again i'm moving to lighthouse so she moved now i knew the reason why she had moved but the pastor thought he had found a wonderful ship so i called and i said oh do you know this lady by this oh never seen a more submissive sheep i said really what does she do quiet practice she's there anything you tell her she does lady pasta our branch is new this is a real pillar but the husband had called ghana to say that even the church she goes to now i don't know because there were an assembly of god and i knew all these background things so when the pastor said she's the best quiet practice she's there lady pastor she i told bishop that you see this lady has gone and made herself so surprised by in her house her husband cannot control her and her motive for coming to the church is not that she wants to grow or god but is to do in the guy that is the real motive it's not that she wants to grow she loves god she feels the lighthouse is a place but she just takes her care and she goes and the husband says why i wish to go to church i'm just like where do you go i don't know i don't know find out for yourself i don't but when we also see her in the church when we say sweep she sweeps when you say let the table jump she jumps oh what a submissive spirit that is why god is a judge and not man it's time to get real amen this is the relationship that is built on what the person thinks but is not really the truth it's built on falsehood types of relationships may we never be that way and if we are that way may we change so that god can make us what he wants us to be genesis 34 the bible says that when judah found that out he had no relations with her again so when the person finds out who you really are he doesn't want you again because that's not what he wanted we always want to have what we bargained for what we thought we were getting when judah found us the last thing i would like to do is to sleep with my daughter-in-law and so because of that even my relationship with everything is over it's finished so in the end we lose more than we even brought to the table amen verse one you see relationship problems issues broken more now dinah the daughter of leia whom she had born to jacob went out to visit the daughters of the land and when shechem the son of hammer the hivite the prince of the land saw her he took her and lay with her by force and he was deeply attracted to dinah the daughter of jacob and he loved the girl and spoke tenderly to her brother speak tenderly to us [Applause] amen now before we continue reading i just remembered something one of our missionaries was transferred to a far away land then the wife called me that we've been transferred to this far away land and i'm ready to go and all that but i just realized that by the time i arrived a day or two after he has to leave for the missionary conference in akra when i told him that i'm coming to a land i don't know at all strange customs strange people then as soon as i arrive in two days we are leaving for this missionary conference he said what do you want me to do i also have to go to the conference god will take off you'll be okay oh so i saw the mystery in a crowd just a few weeks ago and i said hey brother come you said what you have gone to leave your wife in this far away man when she's telling you her needs that oh i feel so alone when i arrive you won't be there whatever instead of walking her through and saying i can appreciate how you feel it must be very difficult to come to a place where there will be nobody but that's why i'm so glad you are you because you are strong you are always there for me in the ministry you encourage me and i just want to tell you that i thank god for your life and i even feel sorry that i wouldn't be here i wish i could be here but i'm sorry the lord's work has called me but you know you'll be okay god will take care of you you are a wonderful woman she will easily flow no problem but you are not saying i have to go what do you want me to do what why speak tenderly to us okay we are not asking for much okay we are just asking for understanding understanding understanding amen the brothers when you come late from meetings we are not saying don't serve god we are not saying don't come later but once in a while say that oh it must be a strain for you whenever i come all the time are done you know i heard bishop teddy jake say that one day he was writing books every day he would go writing these books right one day he came up to his bedroom his wife was weeping she didn't know that he was coming up she was weeping after she said that every time you have to go away and write books it's like you are gone forever i'm not complaining but it's hard he said to the wife for every book that i write you have a medal and he said at that program ladies stand up and appreciate my wife because it is because of her sacrifice that i have been able to write books to bless humanity it is a sacrifice that has made me bishop td jigs but some of you said but why are you crying by the books i have to write them so what should i do what should i do god i said don't come and disrupt the ministry okay the ministry has to go on look most women most women are not resistant to the things of god most women are willing to support you most women will give their all so that they will stand with you but if you would just dwell with us according to knowledge and give us honor not dishonor the bible says giving them honor because they are the weaker vessel give us honor because we are the weaker vessels don't disdain us because we are the weaker vessel amen the brothers you are sorry but change don't just say story change back to our story that was a small digression [Music] that was a slide like if you encourage a woman and you appreciate it she will carry the whole world for you i tell you it's not much if when she cooks so you say my that was good thank you for giving me a hot meal every day doctor ozzie every day you come i see the table is set for you yeah and ninth year [Applause] you must know that you are not in ghana and even if you're in ghana it's not every day you will get a hot meal something you didn't plan for somebody is planning your grocery planning your nutritional needs thinking every day of variety it is time to appreciate us amen amen ladies amen [Applause] i believe that appreciation and thanksgiving brings less friction in the home but every day we are cleaning every day we are cooking every day we have child care and we are still supposed to be nice we are supposed to bless you in the evening it's not always easy [Applause] don't take us for granted [Applause] it's familiarity it's familiarity don't take us for granted when you dwell with us according to knowledge and you give us honor as the weaker vessel the vessel that needs comfort support it brings healing and it makes us whole but if you always complain that you're not shouting don't you hear look at the state of the house it's all true but if you look to the other side healing will come from the presence of god [Applause] amen back to genesis 34 verse four he spoke tenderly to her verse four so shaquem spoke to his father hammer saying get me this young girl for a wife now jacob heard that he had defiled dinah his daughter but his sons were with his livestock in the field so jacob kept silent until they came in then hammer the father of shaken went out to jacob to speak with him now the sons of jacob came in from the field when they heard it and the men were grieved and they were very angry because they had done a disgraceful thing in israel by lying with jacob's daughter for such a thing ought not to be done but harmon spoke with them saying the soul of my son sheikham longs for your daughter please give her to him in marriage and intermarry with us give your daughters to us and take our daughters for yourselves then you shall live with us and the land shall be open verse 11 shekel also said to her father and her brothers if i find favor in your sight then i will give whatever you say to me ask me ever so much brighter payments and gifts and i will give according as you say to me but give me the girl in marriage but jacob's sons answered shechem and his father hema with deceit and spoke to them because they are defiled dying at their sister and they said to them we cannot do this thing to give our sister to one who is uncircumcised for that would be a disgrace to us only on this condition will we consent to you if you become like us in that in that every male of you be circumcised then we will give our daughters to you and we will take your daughters for ourselves and we will live with you and become one people but if you don't listen to us to be circumcised then we'll take our daughter and go now the award seemed reasonable to hammer and sheikh hama's son and the young man did not delay to do the thing because he was delighted with jacob's daughter now he was more respected than all the household of his father so hammer and his son shakem came to the gates of their city and spoke to the men of your city and 24 and all who went out of the gates of the city listened to hammer and to his son check him and every male was circumcised all who went out of the gate of his city now it came about on the third day when they were in pain the two of jacob's sons simeon and levi or levi diana's brothers each took his sword and came upon the city unawares and killed every male and they killed hammer and his son shaken with the edge of his sword and took diana from shechem's house and went forth jacob sam's jacob's sons came upon the slain and looted the city because they had defiled their sister verse 30 then jacob said to simeon and levi you have brought trouble on me by making me obvious among the inhabitants of the land among the canaanites and the perizzites and my men being few in number they will gather together against me and attack me and i shall be destroyed and so they said should he treat our sister as a halo this is the relationship that starts on a wrong note but can be rectified sometimes people do things they shouldn't do for instance hamas or dinah then he took her by force and lay with her that was wrong she was not his wife he had defiled her it was not the right thing to do but immediately he started to make plans that i want to marry her i'm in love with her anything you ask me i would do to regularize the situation you know but sometimes because of one mistake we are not gracious enough to allow people to rectify their mistakes sometimes you are living with somebody for some years you're not almighty and then the church counsels you come out from among it among those things and then make your marriage regularize your marriage i mean regularize things get married do the right things in the sight of god and then people are willing to do that and to flow but sometimes the people standing around never forgive never forget and never give that relationship another chance jacob's sons were not there and they were the ones who said then if you want our sister to marry you then go and get circumcised and the men of the city agreed to that and it was god's condition that circumcision was important to you know mark how the jews and his chosen people and these people were people who didn't believe they were unbelievers but they were prepared to do what your god had said so that they will be accepted by you they didn't give any because whatever you say we would do he went to call his father he gave dignity to the girl went to call his father hammer come let's help me get this wife his father came to speak to jacob respectfully everything was done as it should be done but because you feel that the inception was wrong nothing will ever be right in your eyes and one thing that is also noteworthy here is that verse 19 the young man did not delay to do the thing because he was delighted with jacob's daughter if a man is delighted in you he will not delay to do the thing so since test that man who always keeps postponing he never has a date he's going to ask his father he asks his mother he's not sure he doesn't know so when postponed it's a wrong sign it's a totally wrong and you must see the signs the young man did not delay to do that thing why because he was delighted with dinah when the man is delighted with you he will always be planning and bringing the dates let's get married let's move on but when he's always scratching he says he's not sure he's not and some of you have wasted your time in relationships like that and i ask you how many years ready pastor five i said what he's thinking of a date five yes the reality is that he he is not delighted in you that is the reality but you don't want to accept the reality when you see it you want to call it something else ladies why you have seen that you want to give it another name the young man did not delay to do this thing because he delighted in dinah like this woman who is saying in ghana that she has lived with a man 15 years they've had children he has never regularized the marriage why did you stay for two and then three and four and five and six and seven and eight and nine and ten and eleven and twelve and thirteen and fourth and fifteen now you say you found a beloved i don't get it who delights timely valuation of situations and timely decisions will save you many things some relationships are downright waste of time it's not worth your soul so you just forget about it it didn't work it's not going to work and move on but you always pray he has gone to get another girlfriend he has impregnated somebody every day he can say oh you are the one you are the love of my life say oh i'm the love of his it's just that he went here and then he went if he delighted in you he would have settled everything by now when i was going to get my that is one question my father asked me this man you say you know has he been talking about marriage i didn't know anything i said all the time daddy all the time what does he say so he says we should get a date i've even told him that we don't have anything you know ask him possessions but he says that we've been in a relationship for too long and we should get married my father said that's a very good sign marry him that's a good sign marry him that's what my father said to me at that time i didn't even know that it was a sign i rather thought the person is worrying me you don't have anything you want to buy so let's work a little ah you are just a student we have done engagement after that you say we should mine what do you have we both should work a bit and then from there we'll move on you know but i see that once the two of you have a job it's okay god can bless you amen sometimes a relationship that has started on the wrong note and yet is trying to rectify the wrong is not given breathing space by the people related to the spouses sometimes it's not the people involved but it's the people around that influence them in the wrong way and they take the thing upon themselves more than the person who has suffered whatever it is yeah it's true sometimes it's your friends they get more involved and they become stumbling blocks in your move they say what does he have what degree does he have what school did he go to what if you use those credentials for my father he wouldn't pass because my father stopped school in classics he never went further he has been a what we say in ghana drivers meet on the track for many years he became a driver then he did work and pay he bought his first articulator and then before he knew he had about 60 fleets of articulators and all these but if you go by that standard you say that no this man does not qualify so sometimes it's a people standing around he didn't have any degree as for classmates he has some by degree doesn't have any but he's a self-taught man and he is the one who was the keenest in our education you must get an education you must get a degree you must get a professionalised to wonder that the person inside you you stopped midway why is this all pressure i don't enjoy this pressure i always say that the reason why i studied to become a lawyer you know some people know i want to become a lawyer i want to become this i don't think i had any such ambition it was disgrace and reproach like everybody is learning so i learned everybody says they are going to the universities wow it's a good thing to go if you don't go you have some way everybody so when i went to law school they said they are choosing the first 40 to do law in that way i said first what i prayed i said lord if even i'm 39th i'm okay i don't need any gratefulness i just need to be among the 40 that's all but some people were really you know buying for this one i would like to get 80. and then when i added i'll be thinking that hey people have a lot of zealand energy for things in this life but it's my father who drove me no you can you should you but he himself did not have that so sometimes the things that we use are not always equal education is good but it can also be acquired later it doesn't have to be now if you have opportunity you should take it but if you don't have the opportunity you have to wait for the opportunity to come and my father doesn't have an inkling of inferiority complex hey very very strong he talks he says his bit what he wants to do i think also that money makes you powerful so when he talks nobody can say this that and my mother was a teacher her salary was never enough but my father's salary was always enough so he called the shots you know we are doing this we are going here we are doing that and it shall be done and my mother was an is better educator she has a vice president or methodist church she has become the vice president of education international worldwide she comes to america to give talks she has pictures of every president checking clinton giving up getting a pack from mandela for which my father said he will sue him for harassment [Applause] various things so if you look at it from the education i shouldn't be so you know but my father has been able to encourage my mother to become all that she has to be and he has always bought his own first elastic to attend her meetings it goes rio de janeiro wherever she has a conference and she's the one addressing he will be there on his own then the people who say are you a teacher are you a delegate what what are you say i've also come i'm also here at this meeting [Applause] that's why i told my husband when i got married and then he would leave the car and say oh i have to be in church so i'm going to say i'm not used to being left to i come from my home where mother and father are always together and always sit in church together and always sit in the car together to go so this type of i'm taking the lead in fact it was a cross i had to learn to bear and when i was telling you i said oh and but then i sat in church just not long ago this year he said that the day that my wife told me that she's not used to being left and that she doesn't come from my family like that thing pained me but i had to go i said oh really but he didn't express it i had it in church amen so things may not always be on an eve even keel things may not always be in a certain way but in the midst of it god can still work on it but these people use deceit they made the people pay every price every price that you can pay including circumcision and then when they were in pain they killed all of them and after killing them they looted the hope just because of one marriage hey a whole tribe or whatever should be annihilated finished because of your drive and your things when a relationship starts on a bad note it doesn't mean it's doomed forever what satan does is that he tells us the forever and the never lie things will forever be like this things will never change things will never get better but the bible says who says the thing and it comes to pass when the lord has not decreed it doesn't matter the state of things what matters is what the lord is decreeing some of you are in relationships that are on a bad note at the moment or in a bad way but it doesn't mean that it's going to end up that way sometimes you are doing your best but you see that as you do your best things are getting worse you can just trust god that he is the one who can make a highway in the wilderness and reverse in the desert you you cannot so you pray for grace to endure until he comes through with his miracle amen [Music] now let's go to genesis 35 22. and it came about while israel was dwelling in that land that rubin went and lay with bilhah his father's concubine and israel heard of it look because of our fallen states we are messed up in the area of relationships we do all sorts of things we cross all sorts of lines and we violate so many borders your father's wife bill her you reuben you are the firstborn you have the audacity to climb into your father's bed and here jacob doesn't say anything but later when he's dying he says to ruben that for climbing into my bed with my wife or concubine or whoever it was unstable as water you would never excel my point is this is the reuben who joined to kill the people of shechem and hammer it was that reuben was filled with so much anger and thought that these people should not live and he went even beyond sleeping within a married girl he climbed into his father's bed sometimes a kind of judgmentalism and condemnation i think that it feeds back you can end up in the wrong way and if you feel that for lying with your sister they have to be killed then you who went to your father's bed what punishment should we give to you unstable as water thou shall not exhale i learned from the bible that they are supposed to be boundaries but they are not always upheld i mean reuben of all the women is only biljar that you could find to sleep with and it's this desire that is not a natural desire it's a demonic hold and it drives you you know so when you talk about maybe even incest judah and tama a good example so i have come to see that there is nothing that has happened or is happening in the world that is not in the bible it is there and yet god still shapes those lives in his own way and with his own hand many women go through such situations but they are not able to talk about it amen but i want to say that in spite of all the broken pieces there's a miracle that's why you need a miracle because you can't use reason mind arguments to fix it but the healing hand of god can restore many things amen lastly one has to look at a toxic relationship toxic relationship see my relationships are so many you wait i'm coming we want to go to the story of samson and delilah judges chapter 16 judges chapter 16. types of relationships help us jesus now if we see that most relationships are all were fractured they had a broken bone somewhere they had a broken piece somewhere a wrong side of the jigsaw puzzle then we have to know that there's no perfection in this life amen judges chapter 16. are you there from verse 4 after this it came about that he loved a woman in the valley of sorek whose name was delilah and the lords of philistines came up to him and said to her entice him and see where his great strength lies and how we may overpower him that we may bind him to afflict him then we will each give you 1100 pieces of silver so delilah said to samson please tell me where your great strength is and how you may be bound to afflict you and samson said to her if they bind me with seven fresh coats that have not been dried then i shall become weak and be like any other man then the lords of philistines brought up to her seven fresh cuts that had not been dried and she bound him with them now she had she had men lying in wait in an inner room and she said to him the philistines are poor knew something but he snapped the court as a string of toe snaps when it touches fire so his strength was not discovered then delilah said to some behold you have deceived me and told me lies now please tell me how you may be bound he said to her if they bind me tightly with new ropes which have not been used then i shall become weak and be like any other man so delilah took new ropes and bound him with them and said to him the philistines are upon you something for the men were lying in weight in the inner room but he snapped the ropes from his arms like a threat the last said to something up to now you have deceived me and told me lies tell me how you may be bound and he said to her if you weave the seven locks of my hair with a web and fasten this with a pin then i shall become weak and be like any other man so while he slept delilah took the seven locks of his hair and wove them into the web and she fastened it with a pin and said to him the philistines upon you something but he walked from his sleep and pulled out the pin of the loom and the web now the bible says that samson laughed this woman from a valley of sorek and she was called delilah the fact that you love somebody does not mean the person is the right person for you the fact that you are attracted to somebody does not mean the person is the right person for you despite that you have emotions for somebody does not mean the person is the right person for you the fact that you love delilah does not mean that she's the right person for you love is not enough to make a decision of who to live with for the rest of your life amen and delilah came to samson not because she loved him but because of money and because of his of material things and today people are marrying for the wrong reasons people are marrying for position maybe they think people are mine for titles people are marrying for security they think people are marrying for passports people are married for different reasons the reason why delilah comes into something's life and begins to be intimate it's not because she loves him but because she wants to be paid for her job by the philistine lords we may look at delilah and disdain her for that but there are many delilah sitting on our chest this afternoon because many of us are not looking into relationships based on things that last but based on things that we feel will help us back home in our not only our missionaries a lot of them have contacted me this year they've been oh they have a beloved lover has left me the beloved has left me they belong why because at this stage of their lives they don't seem to have anything and they are now starting life so i always joke with them i said don't worry when you become a bishop you have many applications but now you are not a bishop you you're not powerful you don't have anything they can't see and when you become a bishop you will be rejecting say lady rapper why did you say that i said i know from bishop zaki's experience i know that when you become a bishop you get more propositions and then i went to daughter in cape coast i said ladies tell me frankly how many of you if i told you today that i have brought bishop sakhi as an eligible bachelor would like to mind oh frankly in the church at least they were frank and i think i asked them do you know him no is there anything you know about him no so let me ask you what is it based on he's a bishop and the thing that you sit in front you know that's all the work there is you just you just look nice and you sit in france delilah's motive for being in the relationship was material now ladies let me ask you material things change i've seen it among our sheep in ghana sometimes people have very good and thriving businesses then a crunch comes the tables reverse and the wife now has to support the wife as the husband if everything in the relationship based on what you can get when the table stand where will you be how can you cope how can you build your trust on things that can shake can change you know you see i might say he's not powerful for you drive so i'm going to marry him then when the car is repossessed you say this is not what i bargained for delilah also accuses something of deceit she said you have deceived me and you've told me lies but she rather is the chief deceiver and the initiator of deception and many times in a relationship some people blame others so much and say that you are this you are that but they rather are what they are saying he said the devil in the mirror is you amen when you look at the mirror the thing that you see if it's the devil then it's you but that power game is used by people sometimes in relationships you have deceived me you've told me lies meanwhile your whole motive for being in something's house is based on deception but to cover up your own you have to point out to the other so that our whole concentration will be on that person and will forget about you who is the chief deceiver and she uses that every time to tell something i don't know how men reason the first time she comes to tell you something that lots of the philistines are over you you say that if they they what they bind you with something that has not been dried what is that what hasn't been right something that has not been serving fresh cuts that have not been dried then i shall become weak then she says samson the lot of the philistines are over you then another time you say that if they bind me tightly with new ropes which have not been used then this will happen the new ropes and now you are getting closer and closer to your hair you say if you bind my hair you use a pin you are getting closer and closer to revealing your secret why because you're under pressure and when we see the signs we don't want to give them the real interpretation and meaning when delilah says the philistines are upon you and then you get up and you snap instead of seeing that this woman is always deceiving me this woman is always pressing this particular button in this particular key this thing is happening you see it but you give it another reason he beats you he says his frustration it was when he comes from work and he's frustrated that he beats me but he's actually a very gentle and loved for seven years the the thing has been playing out and in such a toxic relationship that you can't give the right interpretation to the things that are happening you give it another name why because sometimes you don't want to deal with the truth because the truth will mean you have to live the truth will mean you have to lose what you love the truth will mean things are a certain way and you don't want to face up to it so you don't even think about it and you just go through the motions many many many ladies are in those shoes you are with him he's always giving birth somewhere he's not married to you he's always give him better we say oh it was a temptation the next one was a trial the nation was a tribulation and the next one was a whatever in that case where you don't feel at liberty to make certain decisions where you feel compelled and where something is bad but you cannot do anything about it it is a toxic relationship and it will kill you amen let's read on we're getting to the finishing line 13 then delilah said no why then delilah said to something up to now you have deceived me and told me lies tell me how you may be bound i know we've rather one 15 then she said to him how can you say i love you when your heart is not with me they play on our emotions they introduce guilt how can you say you love me when your heart is not with me by you yourself you don't love him and your heart is not with him but you have turned the tables and you are saying you are many women believe the things they are told more than even what god says about them you are this you are that you are that then you just meditate on it i'm mean i'm not beautiful i mean somebody told me anybody he said i'm not beautiful he said i'm not attractive he said i'm this one lady said to me maybe if i went to the gym he would change i said he would never change he was like this when you were slim it's not now you've put on with that and this woman is very very very beautiful strikingly beautiful but she has been told you are like this you are like that she doesn't have any self-esteem i said sister it may take a while but it's time to look in the word and see what god says you are the bible says i receive no testimony from man but the testimony from god is greater amen say if you love me you would have told me your secret something you don't love me and your heart is not with me messi how can you say you have deceived me this three times she's talking about herself and have not told me what your great strength is and it came about when she pressed him daily with her words and edged him that his soul was annoyed to death i must say the new americans annoyed to death so he told her all that was in his heart and said to her a razor has never come on my head for i've been another right to god from my mother's womb if i'm shaped then my strength will leave me and i shall become weak and be like any other man when delilah saw that he had told her all that was in his heart she sent and called the lord of the philippines saying come up once more for he has told me all that is in his heart then the lords of the philistines came up to her and brought the money in their hands and she made him sleep on her knees and called for a man and had him shave off the four locks of the seven locks of his hair then she began to afflict him and his strength left him you are in a toxic relationship you are seeing the signs everybody is telling you what is happening but you refuse to see you keep on and on and everything gets worse as the days go by from your head being tied with a pin your soul becomes vexed and then you begin to give secrets that you should not give the very being and the core of your being and of your existence you give it up and the amazing thing is how can you sleep in a lap they are cutting your hair you can't feel it hey hey they have brought another man to catch your seven locks you can't feel it and when the last of the philistines come they come with the money because that's really what you're after that's really what you are after so they come with the money because it's a done deal and then at that time love turns into affliction and he begins to afflict you it has never been loved all along but you were not seeing it some of you will have to leave these meetings and go and break relationships some of you have to leave these meetings and walk out of something and never return don't tell me lady pastor it's been 10 years ladies it's a toxic relationship it's going to kill you and after that it will afflict you it's time to see the signs black is black and white is black is white don't call a spade a spirit not an agricultural implement call it what it is and even if it means you will cry even if it means you will be heartbroken you are better off than getting to the place of affliction [Music] hallelujah marriage is a blessing relationships are blessed but they are not oxygen it's not something that if you don't have you can't live it is something that is nice to have it may have its challenges but i think that divorce is no easier is it a lady came to me and said that if divorce were easy or somebody could tell me that when i divorced it to be easier i'll do it but now i'm not sure whether it's easy i said sister it's not easier because i've spoken to people in the church even yesterday i was speaking to somebody the person said it's been 12 years and this man is still not out of my life i said why is that i said because it was one of the children's birthdays he forgot to bring a present a child is always asking so now i have to call him and say that the child is asking try and bring the present is it but and the normal circumstance i shouldn't have anything to do with him because i choose back and forth back so even though it's been 12 years the person is in your life you know so when i call he doesn't pick so i decided to send him a text because the other child's birthday is also coming up and he will bring a present for that one then this one will have a problem so i have to solve and you know see how it is i said hey what type of complicated arrangement has god made it's not as simple as we think get out of that toxic relationship and receive healing you see like drug addiction you don't get healing over a day but god walks with you day by day and makes you what he wants you to be amen so lady pastor what do we do what are the solutions remedies don't put your confidence security and dependence on any man isaiah 222 says seize you from man whose breath is in his nostrils for wearing is he accounted to be accounted of isaiah 31 1 woe to them that go down to egypt for help and stay on horses and trust in chariots because there are many an enhancement because they are very strong but they look not unto the holy one of israel neither seek the lord and of course jeremiah 17 5-8 which we read number two accepts the fact that there is no perfect person or perfect situation everyone has false ecclesiastes 7 verse 24 there is not a just man upon her that dwelleth good and sinneth not now you are looking for a man who dwelt good and does not sin but there are many men who do good but they sin as well amen but you are looking for somebody who dwells good and does not sin the bible says he does good but he also sins james says in many things we offend sometimes you don't even intend to offend but it just becomes offensive sometimes you make a statement you are surprised that it has become a beast because in your heart of hearts is not supposed to provoke anything like that but our fallen state and our human things said why did you speak to me like that so i didn't intend to speak to you in any way you intended what i would do say sorry and accept the fact that there's no righteous man on this earth who do it good and that's not sin there are many who do good but they are also human and they will make mistakes heavenly minded second peter 3 verse 10 but the day of the lord will come as a thief in the night under which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise and the elements shall melt with fervent heat the earth also and the works that are therein shall be bent up everything is subject to decay and even if the thing does not decay whilst we are here the bible says that when jesus comes everything shall be bent up why why stick your entire life on everything on this in this world that will be bent up it's not worth it it's time to look higher jesus said when you see these things happening look up for your redemption amen set your affections on things above colossians 3 1 if you then be risen with christ seek those things which are above where christ sits on the right hand of god set your affection on things above not on things on the earth amen it says if you then be risen with christ set your affection it's like a clock your affection is like a clock and say set it tune it set your affection on things that are above is john above he's beneath he's on earth it's rose above she's on earth his roots above she's on earth set your affections on things that are above where christ is seated at the right hand side of god amen set your affection on things above not on things on the earth and then first corinthians 7 29 to 31 but this i say brethren the time is short it remains that birthday that have wives be as though they had none and they that weep as though they wept not and they that rejoice as though they rejoice not and they that buy as though they possess not and they that use this world as not abusing it for the fashion of this world passes away amen the time is short you can't afford to build your whole life when just one person god does not give you one person to meet all your needs pray that he will open your eyes to see other people that he sends into your life to meet your needs sometimes you may talk to your partner or your spouse and he may not even grasp what you are saying but somebody else may be somebody god has prepared when you speak to that person the person may not even agree with you that understands where you are coming from but when we are all going to get married we think that we are finding the soulmate who will understand everything we will whip with us when we whip and we'll not say that why are you crying what's the big deal you know somebody said i've stopped crying because lady pasta when i cry i'm not even minded i'm not minded at all when i go to church and the sheep come and they are whipped oh do you have any tissues bring it wipe your tears culture wipe away all your tears but your wife in the house said why are you a child grow up grow up and stop those things that you are doing stop that rough day amen god meets our needs because he gave us those needs but we have to open our eyes to recognize the places in which he gives us the needs sometimes he wants counsel or feedback from the person you live with or he may not always be there to listen to you and to give you but god will raise somebody else to meet that need so god does not put everything in one basket neither should you a man ladies says lest those who have wives and husbands be as though they had none and they that whip azo they wept not and they that rejoice as though they rejoice not amen it's saying that whatever state you are in [Music] don't let it be an obsession don't let it be your all in all because things change you and i would not like things to change amen many people would not like to exchange their spouses for somebody else honestly you would not like your it's for every time you think about hey if am i supposed to be taking you i'm not ready for it you know you would not like it but life is not always the way we planned it the revenue student was telling me mommy i am with my two children in the grave i am with them i said what does that mean so that i mourn for them i didn't even know that i knew that had affected me but one night my wife woke me up and said why are you sobbing so much i'm not sobbing so you are sobbing me so look at your pillow the whole pillow was wet he was sobbing in his sleep and he didn't even know okay that's the way he talks i said don't say it it's okay i don't want to hear i said no i need people to talk to so that i can get healthy he said that the fact that today when you show me something i can say this is brown and this is black it's the grace of god that i can see colors and recognize them is the grace of god he said but what can i do i have to keep preaching i have a mandate from heaven and above or if i want to meet my children i must finish this race with joy otherwise i will not miss them you know somebody was supposed to go and pick the children up the person started the journey the driver but he knocked down somebody so the car was impounded so as he was preaching on the pulpit he didn't know other arrangements had been made to go for his children and they went with this rav4 and they put in seven people with no seatbelts seven and they were hiring to the convention so as he was preaching he didn't even know he did not ask anybody neither did he know that anybody had made the message came and then out of good will the people decide that we'll organize and then we'll go and then we will whatever he said if god should have asked me for anything i would have given it to him so that this will not happen how can you explain you can't explain everything but the bottom line is that nothing is forever it's a hard reality but it's true that is why the people who made the marriage vows put in for better and for worse till death as do part but when we're saying it on that day it didn't even occur to us that the thing that will make you part even if you decide not to divorce it's death and often you don't die on the same day how can you then build your whole life once not that is even bad but it's something that is a temporary thing it does not last forever amen when i think of mrsaki she's not there anymore you will be surprised when i they came from the uk or i was holding my phone and i said to myself oh it's a long time since i called cynthia let me go ahead this is the fourth time this has happened to me i said let me call since there's a long time and i would say to myself how come in such a long time i'd forgotten she wasn't so i took the phone and i started to dial zero then i remembered the other ones i remembered after the call so the husband would come and say why did you call this but this one when i started with the zero then i said quietly under my brother oh she's not the animal it's not there anymore we live on borrowed time and you are using all your borrowed time to quarrel and to think about all the things you don't have and to think about how things ought to have been or could have been there's not a future life coming from anyway this is it you have to live it you have to enjoy what you can enjoy out of it weep when you have to weep i always say that to me marriage is like the christian life i walk with god there are times i don't understand him at times i have some difficulties in my relationship with him but ultimately i'm not like to leave him i would still like to be with him and to move with him that is my stance on this whole issue live according to fear we should live by faith but we should live with the reality that nothing is foreign even your children they are not forever they leave home and then when you say let's go here i don't want to go i want to see my friend i want to do this i mean on and on and on you have grandchildren god willing you'll be able to flow with them but it's not now they've gone to the investors i'm sure i told you last year when i was selling my son to the office i wept a bucketful bucket whereby i was with him also so i had to look strong so you're going to be okay oh god whatever when i called my husband i wept a bucket from so sad my son oh you'll be okay this type of hardness we need someone let's see but he's out of home now if i build my second one just the children now even when they are on the phone i'm talking to them they don't hear they're just going sending and then this free night calls and i said turn the phone off and sleep send the phone mommy why are you shouting the vote for my friend here is because i don't care about your friend at all look i want you to say look look at what i said i don't care about your friend turn it off why you want that friend to see that you are i said yes i'm shouting i don't appreciate this either they're on their ipod the little conversation you have you see looking at my sons i realize that we ladies we struggle with things we should not struggle they are like that from the beginning from the beginning they are not very verbal and when i asked them so what happened like my son is in bogota and i say let's ask him how is it oh i said he said i'm in the hotel waiting for daddy she said which hotel ah why why it's no question that you ask always details why somebody in the which hotel so which room are you in yeah so which floor so it's your room ah mommy mommy and the one i called and said your flight are you sure about this they said that they will change this date so make sure that they did this is about the seventh time you are telling me this i know that you said that i've heard somebody come so many ways so how was the program where was the good nice i said no no who was there ah mommy i'm hungry am i now coming to talk about hey when he passed through houston to go and then he called me said that antipal said would i like to go shopping i said yes when she dropped me she said she'll pick me up in four hours i said what would i be doing for four hours i said oh four hours you can window shop oh no no no mommy i don't do such things i don't do such things i told you an hour an hour and a half i said why is that because i know what i need i don't i don't see what i'll be doing i said four hours is too short for me he does they don't do any window shopping my boys don't there are few exceptions but most people most men go then when they come and marry us we want to change them because they become like this become like that when i look at my boy say this is amazing this is how they are and i don't go to any shop with them because then they start to do this i mean are you not finished i mean are you buying it mommy are you what is that you know even when i call them most of the conversation is from me what did you eat today oh i ate why i take care of myself i said what did you eat did you cook it to yourself ah so when do you shop on weekends so what are the items that you sometimes buy it's like hey she want to know all this you know but i don't give up i still ask and then later i see that he has relaxed and then he's laughing and see i'll be saying my head i have to struggle to get to this place before you flow ladies it's a childhood disease it's not a manhood one it's a childhood disease the time is shocked the fashion of this world possibly everybody just said to me i used to live for my daughters they were my girlfriends so when i saw the coffee lifted i was there but he was telling me when i saw the coffin lifted they had to hold my bowels because i couldn't hey it was not easy but he told me god did not call us to build our lives on all these things does it ever understood it's true but it doesn't make it less painful sometimes you wonder why god gives you certain things and then in this way you know but he said i was in one of his meetings recently another sam in reverend steve's church he was preaching powerfully but after that he told us sometimes i soap so much my pillow gets wet but i still have to look above i can't look if i look beneath he said that if i go by why what if i can turn into a muslim so he told me i can easily turn into a muslim but i have to believe in the sovereign hand of god it shall be well amen when you look at people's trials then you your trial is like it doesn't mind you so you are doing two hour prayer vigil do you know what we have problems you know so when i hear some of these i said that hey god then we shouldn't even complain about anything because some trials are so wild that we shouldn't even complain but our things are like he didn't mind me he didn't call he did [Music] he snapped at me and i snapped back i pray that god will give us a desire for heavenly thing because it's not easy to have but the holy spirit can give it to us i pray that god will enable us to to know how to trust him because it's a divine thing you can't just get up and dress it's the holy spirit that has to work in you to become that way and above all i pray that as you seek first the kingdom all other things shall be added to you in jesus name amen [Music]

Channel: Lady Rev. Adelaide Heward-Mills Official Videos

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Length: 140min 38sec (8438 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 27 2020