The Key Of Acceptance - Model Marriage Conference 2021

[Music] wow wow wow this is the day we've been waiting for and the day is already here hallelujah i want to welcome everyone to our fourth edition of the model marriage seminar this time around it is a virtual seminar amen and once again we have our mom in the house hallelujah oh i said amen we have our mom in the house i think i want to read a little profile on her amen our mom is the wife of a father bishop doug eward mills the founder of the ud and she is also an attorney those of you who don't know who an attorney is she's a lawyer by profession and a minister of the gospel by calling she's a full-time minister of the gospel privileged to be used by god as an international conference speaker she's also an international conference speaker as found she's also the founder of the called by her side ministry which is a fellowship of pastors wives and women in ministry you know also a leader of the compassion ministry outreach-based ministry in prisons mental homes and high-end hotels she's also the director of the lighthouse christian children's home now saint elizabeth and the director of saint athletes the school actually was named after her amen and she serves holy by grace under her husband bishop dargit mills who is also a prophet and our pastor shall we do it for her round of applause and we are really privileged to have this program graced by our archbishop of the ud archbishop i'm puffle oh a round of applause for him hallelujah so ladies and gentlemen we are not going to waste much time and of course i have my beautiful wife by my side your humble servant attribution oh a round of applause for us hallelujah so without wasting much time money these are your audience and i believe that there are people watching all across the nations of the world by zoom and then streaming live on facebook a round of applause for lady episcopal sister athlete hewlett mills hallelujah well it's an awesome privilege and opportunity to be here and to be chosen by god this evening to share his word with his people an unrivaled privilege and i just want us to share a word of prayer and then we can start father your word is light you have said that you are the light of the world the light shines in darkness and the darkness does not overcome it i pray that the light of your word will penetrate our lives i pray that the life of your word the light of your word will destroy the works of darkness that have wreaked havoc in many homes many lives and many ministries let this word bring an end to all the machinations of the enemy in various homes and various relationships father let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable unto you o god my lord and my father holy spirit use me as the father ceasefit and let this word of god change lives for good and let the father receive all the glory in jesus name amen well i think this is about the fourth or fifth edition of our valentine's day special at bishop batu's church and somehow we keep coming and it's a miracle in the doing of the lord i want to salute to my husband and whose covering i serve and i want to also salute the archbishop for graciously being here and then i want to salute bishop to dixon and lady pastor pamela for having us for the fifth edition i missed covet amen i requested that we go largely virtual for everybody's sake and that there should be as a limited number of audience as possible so we trust that we are gathering virtually amen well this evening my assignment is to talk about the key of acceptance amen it is important for every married couple to understand that people usually do not change much when they get married couples however can choose to be happy in their marriages when they learn to accept what they have ecclesiastes 7 13 says consider the work of god for who can make that streets which god hath made crooked amen i remember my husband telling me some time ago that god hardly makes anything straight and he said to me look at the trees look at the beds look at the coast line look at the clouds do you see anything natural that is straight hardly but human beings have said everything must be straight but god who is the author of the whole creation does not seem to um operate that way so now in ecclesiastes 7 13 solomon is telling us consider the work of god for who can make that straight which god has made crooked now many things that god does he's sovereign and he knows why he makes it that way we are going to learn about the key of acceptance um sometimes some people have a problem with it because the other spouse takes advantage of it and says take me as i am don't complain about anything that's wrong with me families are but god didn't create us to stay as we are in philippians 2 30 the bible says for god is at work in us both to will and to do of his good pleasure so if god wanted us to stay the same way then he didn't need to be at work in us too will and to do of his good pleasure amen but the fact that he is at work in us and the fact that the bible says we are being changed from glory to glory means that we are not supposed to human as human beings and as children of god to be static and say that that's how i am so take me like that that's not the essence of the key of acceptance but the essence is to not look for perfection in imperfection and be frustrated amen now i'm happy that the bible says for it is god who is at work in us because many times we are at work in the lives of the other partner in the lives of your spouse even your children you are at work and you have become a personal holy ghost very busy trying to change people now when i look at let's say the ordinary things in my own life whenever i'm anywhere with my children and we've had to go shopping if i make the mistake of going with my sons even when they were younger they would say mommy are you buying this dress and i'll say no i'm admiring it so mommy why are you holding it and i'll say so that i can feel the rich texture of it so why don't you decide and let's go to the tail and just pay i said because i'm not buying it i'm just admiring it after a few steps around the shop they have invariably asked me when are we going home mommy we are bored we can't wait around here when are we going so i learnt early not to take them on any shopping spree because even at that age they just want to go into the shop get what they want and come out now i as a mother and we have lived with them let's say 25 years 26 years then after that i hand over to you the daughter-in-law then you from the first year of your marriage you begin to change this man whose mother has not been able to change him from what he is amen and then you become frustrated and you it becomes a problem why because you have put everything in your marriage on hold and you are busy looking for how you can change this man or this woman and because of that every sweetness in the marriage runs out and then you begin to complain and say these people look happier the people behind the wall look happier the people in church look happier they must have perfect mates but the thing is that they have learned to accept what they cannot change amen and have prayed to god like prince saint francis of zavier to know the difference between what you can change and what you cannot change immense somebody so the essence of the key of acceptance is so that we will see the brevity of life life is not very long and if the whole of your married life is going to be in the operation theater and you are operating on your husband or your wife you will never have the time to live joyfully like the bible admonishes us with the wife of your youth amen and that is going to bring a lot of unnecessary problems in the marriage so that is why we admonish that learn the key of acceptance live by the key of acceptance and allow god to be the agent of change the holy spirit in the life of your partner amen now ecclesiastes 9 9 says live joyfully with a wife whom thou lovest all the days of thy life of thy vanity which he hath given the under the sun all the days of thy vanity for that is thy portion in this life your portion is the man you are married to your portion is the woman you are married to that is what the bible is saying and saying that whatever portion you have whether you got the tie of the chicken you got the leg or the neck you can embellish it with vegetables and other things to make it a full meal amend somebody and decide to live joyfully i'm glad that god didn't say ask an angel to help you live joyfully or pray that you live jeff he said live joyfully so that decision beloved lies with us amen and unless you grasp that key when you grasp the key of it's called the key because it unlocks a lot of doors it takes a lot of unnecessary strain and stress out of relationships and it makes for you to enjoy even the seemingly imperfect because it is only when christ comes that we will be perfect we are all a work in progress now many people and many spouses when they are looking at their spouse they wear magnifying glasses to see the person's fault when they are looking at themselves they wear rose colored glasses so that they will see everything in a rosy way amen but if you you you you buy into the key of acceptance then you will not struggle to be able to accept your spouse i hope i'm making some sense here well remember the prayer of saint francis of zavi he said god grant me the courage to change the things i can change the serenity to accept the things i cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference amen god grants me courage to change so there are certain things you can change in your spouse maybe just by communication by encouragement sometimes rebukes change a person but i've not seen constant rebukes change a person constant criticism but correction can change a person just like god you know he he corrects us but in love you know and so saint francis bought into the secret so he said give me the courage to change the things i can change the serenity peacefulness peaceableness to accept the things i cannot change so we have to accept that there are things in the relationship in our spouses in our partners sometimes even in your children that you cannot change except the holy spirit or accept the school of hard knocks or accept some personal conviction of the person you cannot change the person and then he says that and the wisdom to know the difference between what i can change and what i cannot change amen so i pray that this evening will receive wisdom to know what we cannot change some of us we are married five years the whole five years is dedicated to changing your husband changing your wife and it's not working and because of that you are not happy you don't see anything good in the marriage and every sweetness has run out but i pray that tonight the lord will meet us at the point of our need amen now lady reverend what are some of the things that every married couple must accept one of the first things to accept is the temperament of your spouse amen now a temperament is said to be like your dna okay we don't get to choose some of us if we had to choose a temperament maybe we would have chosen another temperament but god just created us gave us different temperaments and caused us to land on this planet amen now when you look at proverbs chapter 30 verse 11. proverbs 30 verse 11 it says that there's a generation that cases their father and does not bless their mother 12 please continue there's a generation that appear in their own eyes and yet is not washed from their filthiness then there's yet another generation oh how lofty are their eyes and their eyelids are lifted up and then there's a generation whose teeth are as swords and their jaw teeth as knives to devour the poor from of the earth and the needy from among men amen i didn't write the bible but the bible before we came identifies four clear temperaments so it is scriptural and describes the temperament unfortunately it describes only the downside the negative side of the temperament but it talks about first a temperament who curses their father and does not bless their mother that is the melancholic temperament it is also known as the dark temperament that temperament is not happy to have been brought into the world when they watch the news they feel sad and they say why is the world filled with so many problems why are things so difficult i don't even know the essence of living these people tend to be moody they tend to often first of all see the negative aspect of things so if you're a mighty melancholic and you come happily to share something oh we are doing this and we are doing this project and we are going for it it's really do you have enough money have you thought through it do you know that as you are going something bad can happen do you know that you have to be very cautious that is the it's called the dark temperament so that is the downside of a melancholic she often or he often sees what will not work before they see what will work now if you are married to such a person you are likely to be the opposite of that temperament now let me go through all the other temperaments the second one is the generations that appear in their own eyes and yet are not washed these are the phlegmatics they are very nice people they hate conflict they give in easily and they flow with most people so they don't like to rock the boat and it is said that this temperament finds it very difficult to be born again because they are so nice so good they get honestly with people that they don't see what is wrong with them and why they need christ so such people are right in their pure in their own eyes and yet being pure in your own eyes does not wash you from the filthiness of sin because david said in iniquity my mother gave birth to me psalm 51. so whether you like it or not the bible says our good works are like filthy rags but you're the mel phlegmatic because you are cool you are not likely to use harsh words you are not likely to wrap people the wrong way so people get on with you they like you you don't ruffle their feathers so you feel you are okay but in the sight of god you can never be washed from your filthiness by how you feel amen then the next generation how lofty are their eyes and their eyelids are lifted up that is the sanguine they live in cloud nine every day is a party every day is a happy time it is said that they blow money easily they don't budget every day is a party it is said that if you want your party to be nice you have to at least have some sand wings around but before they arrive at your party they will lose their directions they will come late but when they come late they will breathe in with joy and happiness and they'll make your party work some wings have the tendency to make people feel special oh how are you yeah we met at the race course you remember so when they talk to you you feel that you are very important to them but the reality is after they talk to you and they move to the next person they can't really remember what they said to you because they are forgetful by nature okay so their eyes are lifted up sometimes they are not realistic whenever you have a meeting with sanguines you will feel so encouraged they will give you 52 reasons why your idea is so brilliant and it's going to work and then you get the wrong impression that because of that they are going to really work hard with you on the project but when you say tomorrow let's meet at nine to implement what you have been so excited about don't forget they will not come and when they come they may not perform so that is the sanguine the last temperament is called the wicked temperament that's the choleric the bible says that generation their teeth are swords and knives when they speak um [Music] it's not pleasant they tell you as it is they don't means words and they are not into idioms and imagery and trying to make it soft landing and if you were to ask them they will tell you but that's the truth i'm just telling you the truth but the bible says somebody did this in the crowd it's like it's true but anyway but what it is is that you destroy people with your extreme tongue sometimes especially the temperament that's not so strong the temperament that doesn't have a lot of self-esteem and then you just the bible says that they devour the needy from the earth and they devour other people with their tongue so their tongues are sharp they are sharp shooters you know so these are the four temperaments and they are downside now what happens is more often than not you and i have more than one temperament okay everybody has a predominance or main temperament and a secondary or sometimes even a tertiary one in pieces okay so you have a dominant temperament and then you may have a secondary one now what happens is opposites attract so you the choleric your mouth is a sharp shooter whatever and then you meet a phlegmatic woman everything you say she says okay everything you say she's not offended she just goes along with you the reason why you are attracted to her is because you can dominate her but you don't know that that is why you are attracted to her you just say oh she just calms me down and you know when i i become very heated she has this cooling effect on me it's true now the phlegmatic woman or man is also attracted to you because she is indecisive she's not able to make up her mind every time shall i go or shall i come what should i say i can't say what should i do i'm afraid i can't and she meets the collector who says we are doing this by testing we are moving so she says in herself oh my goodness here comes leadership and here comes happiness and here comes security so what happens opposites attract now the sanguine is also very happy the party life the melancholic loves to make friends but doesn't know how loves to talk but wishes you will come and speak to her because she doesn't know what she should tell you do you see and then the sanguine comes and makes conversations so easily looks for her in her corner and says oh hi grace is that your name we met the last time and then he cracks a joke and he makes you laugh so because of your deficiency you see his strength as something you are missing so wow here comes sunshine i'm always in a mood i'm always thinking negative i'm always keeping to myself but here comes somebody who makes me laugh this is it and then you marry now opposites are tracked but it is said that after they attack you know so after when you get married then what was attractive to you becomes a problem because because what attracted you is the opposite of you so now you are choleric you have married a phlegmatic woman or vice versa and you say we are moving tomorrow we are doing a b c and d she says okay and then tomorrow come she has not even packed she's sitting there and she says i'm coming i thought that we will do this and that oh i'm coming you get irritated what is that every time that shouldn't take you 10 months to do anything you are so sluggish you also the thing that attracted you is now what you are attacking why because your strength is the partner's weakness and the partner's strength is your weakness so she sees in you the weakness and despises you you see in her her weakness and you despise it because it's not your weakness so in the end our strengths become our weaknesses you understand and so that is what you have to accept you have to accept that your wife is not you you have to accept that your husband is not you you know it's been 30 plus years of marriage for me and after 30 plus years i think something has rubbed off and these days when i have meetings even on thursday we were in a bishop's meeting and certain decisions were being taken and i said the decisions have been taken number one we have to know who is the implementer who is going to implement it number two by what date so i said this first thing we've spoken about by what date are we going to come back and say where it's been implemented and by who who are we going to hold responsible you know and then they gave a date i said it's too far why it has to be now and so when i hear it i know that it's not me by the years of marriage so don't be discouraged the good things about you will rub off on your spouse but it will not change the core of who she is do you understand because sometimes clerics do you do it all but you run and then what the phlegmatic was saying you come face to face with it and then you don't also like to say you told me so so then you hit a wall and then you realize that you needed a little phlegmatism to cool your fire down a bit amen it's the same with all the other temperaments you have a sanguine he cannot keep a budget by the end of the month before the the month ends he has done impulsive buying there's nothing at home what are you going to do you are going to use wisdom to get around the weaknesses of the spouse's temperaments and god will grant you that wisdom what i advice is use the strength in your spouse to advance the lives of you and your family amen if your spouse is melancholic and can keep the money and keep the spare strengths together then delegate to her after all ceos delegates don't say i'm the man i'm the head of the house head of the house by faith she coming in asan by the fifth of the month it is not your faulting it is not your strength but it doesn't make you incompetent amen in my life and in my house for many years i was the one to receive guests to look after them to chat with them even in the church when let's give thyself holy yes there is preaching there is powerful impartation and all that fine but after that the people have to eat they have to be refreshed so we can't use only colorism to look after the people at the conference do you understand we will need a bit of my phlegmatism to say oh hello bishop oliver you must be very tired from this meeting come in and have something to drink we have and then i'll mention the type of fruit juices we have and we have water what would you like and when the person says water fest oh of course there's no substitute for water you may not be shouting in tongues you may not be casting out devils but that part too makes our life come together amen and when the church was small or when the church was poor i should say he couldn't afford hotels and so every guest whether you were swiss whether you were a shanti whether you were nigerian stayed in my house now everything depended on me you cannot go and say you are going to give a swiss man pakoshito and shikashika you can't i'm sorry you have to think of other things to do now i couldn't have dedicated that to my husband because he all he knows is that the person would not like to eat this but as to what should be in play how the table should be set whatever no i don't think he knows that so every time from church to my house because there's nowhere to even receive guests so from church straight to my house whether it was at bishop duncan whoever straight to my house even afternoon sessions so we'll go to my house eat and then they'll go back to galegono to continue the meeting now i could have said i don't like my temperament i want what my husband has so that i can build 3 000 churches so that i can conquer kingdoms so that i can but one god does not give all of us the same calling and the same giftings and i think that if we have the key of acceptance there will be less competition less fighting less rivalry let's see your wife not as your rival and your husband not as somebody with your but as your compliment she's complimenting you she's complimenting what you don't have because you can't have everything you can't even god needs disciples to work through and you you think you can be one man thousand there's nothing like that so please let us accept the temperaments okay when the tap is leaking you tell your wife you tell me and it takes five days that's the beginning but with time i will change okay and i'll become better and especially when you praise and you are fame the bible says as refining pot to silver i think it's proverbs 21 so it's a man to his praise when you praise especially the brothers they want to perform better and when you praise your wife that oh today's food it worked thank you very much she will do all she can to make the food nice but if she put something before you and you say is this your love she will get worse you know so there's a way of accepting and still encouraging so that we get the best out of our spouses in spite of our differences amen somebody amen am i making sense a lot of sense okay so accept the temperament and then accept the masculinity of femininity of your spouse genesis 1 verse 27 genesis 1 verse 27 the bible says god made us in his own image and that he created him male and female created he them it is not that your wife decided that i'm female so i want to be this way but god made us male and female he didn't make adam and steve he made adam and eve he didn't make eve an eva he made even adam amen and he made us male and female we are not the same even our hormones the proportions progesterone estrogen they are not the same we may have a bit of each but some hormones are more pronounced isn't it it'll be problem bishop actually isn't it so a female is a female is a female so don't say ahmadiyya answer my dreams sir you were brought up and many of you were brought up by single women who found wisdom and ways to look after you but today you say about your wife emma or my dreams women are not you know okay up there they are not smart but god said that he he made all of us in his image and he made us male and female we are not all the same like i was telling you about my sons most women love going to the shop most men it means that there are exceptions don't like going to the shop i have a few male friends i know who like going to the shop they'll wait for you go back but they are the exception majority no when are we going when i read and then the shops they go to they want to go to both electronic buy a new phone you two you are not interested you know sometimes you want household goods you want to buy new pillowcases you want to buy scatter pillows you want to buy room defuses you say hey then i want to turn your money to the but when she comes and she defuses the room and it's smelling nice you don't know how i say i have bonfire okay it was years of window shopping that brought that about amen now women also criticize men they say everything you have everyday sex that's all that is on his mind mercy god made it that way god made it for men to be attracted to women god made it for men to follow women if you like look at the chickens the dogs the men always sometimes they are tank riders hanging out when you look at that market and say ah assembled but god made man that way and he wanted to use that attraction to populate the earth he said go forth increase multiply and subdue the earth amen now for that multiplication to happen one of the reasons for sex is for multiplication and so god made it such that the man should be attracted to the woman and the man should be sexual now sometimes i wonder why god puts two incongruous people together because most women when they are tired the last thing on their minds is sex when a man is tired he says he wants to release tension through sex for a woman sex rather adds to the tension sometimes if she is not already relaxed she does not function that way now there's a battle of genders because a man says you are selfish you think of yourself and the woman says all that you want is sex you are not nice to me the whole day you never called me but as we have slept and the lights are off you are bringing your hand like an armed robber and i don't want to know why the gender was god himself is male and female why do we like to women are this men are this let us accept the sexuality of our men amen brothers let us accept that you know it's very difficult for a woman because the things that trigger a man when you even get a glimpse into it you are shocked for instance you see a picture of a chinese woman who has shown a part of her breasts a man will immediately react but for us we have to usually know the person have a relationship with the person before it becomes interesting but for a man even a chinese woman on the calendar one nim no but for the word of god you would like to sleep with her now how are you not afraid chinese eyes like this won't name nu how can it be but the reality is that that is how god made you so your wife should accept that the fact that she is satisfied with two times a week does not mean the man should be like hey otherwise we are two boys in the house two women in the house you see but i don't also subscribe to the view that women are asexual they are not interested at all and it's only the man who is interested i think that you know the bible says that dwell with them according to knowledge this is what the world the body of christ is missing we are refusing to dwell with the women according to knowledge and we are defining them ourselves to say they are some way they are not interested they like the children more many women are troubled when their relationships don't work a woman is wired for relationships because that's what god brought her on the scene for so when her marriage is not working she is not happy and she can easily end up in the mental hospital so she's not easily happy to take you for granted that oh you've married me so any unhappiness in the house it's okay it's a lie from the pit of hell but like we say in our marriage counseling the woman is a pressing iron when you put a pressing iron on the light comes on but it doesn't heat till after a while the man is a light bulb oh so you're not pray you are on now you have to gently bring your wife along women respond to nice words women respond to love women respond to touch women respond to gentleness i remember having a program at the kodesh and a woman said she was very angry and she said that her husband is so selfish she had been married for quite some time she was mature because he doesn't talk to her the whole day he doesn't call to say how are you where are you what's up he doesn't involve himself in anything that upsets her it doesn't matter but when they get to the room then he says down oh she was virtually in tears she was very angry she says that when they get to the room he just says turn around that's the only communication now a person ion cannot work with that i am not saying that every day the person i own should say don't be a lamp don't be a light bulb but when the person iron goes with your flow all the time at a point she will become like she's not interested but it's because she has no connection with you and it's not because she has gone to sit somewhere to plan a coup d'etat and say that i want to be this way so that he would see that this is where para lies no she has been programmed like that by god so you also have to dwell with her according to knowledge so go to her school understand her and don't see it as a form of weakness a form of being taken advantage of and at the same time the woman should say look whatever my husband wants to flow with i will flow with it after all ladies how long is it so you just decide to bless him huh one lady told me i saw myself i just bless him every time i bless him he just goes to his wardrobe and he gives me a check you see it doesn't mean that you should be demanding checks for everything so we have to accept the fact that we are male and female sexually and in all other areas and that we are different but difference doesn't mean inferiority difference doesn't mean you should look down on me differentiate that some of you when your husband israel appreciate told me that the christian men we have only one bed lady reverend we don't have any other bed to go to because of the fear of god so our wife should also try a man ladies when your husband wants to bring new ideas you say hey me what new ideas every day missionary position that's what i know you have to be adventurous even at 50 amen amen and sometimes that not being adventurous it's on the side of the men that's what people don't know you know so now your wife has become the leader in everything is not supposed to be like that so please male and female media us so let us accept our masculinity let us accept the masculinity of our partner and the femininity of our partner if shopping makes your wife happy try and go with it you see mrs cho she just passed away and dr young has even written in his book that he he felt that the most important thing was god the ministry um himself and his wife last i was just reading it i think on facebook or one of the places and he told the wife that well if you don't like the order you can please yourself i mean this is what god has done the wife was very depressed so his mother-in-law was a wife's mother and his co-pastor came to see him and said that look you want to kill your wife and kill yourself you are living in an unhappy home and instead of addressing this every day you are shouting your heart that she has demons but it's a demon of depression because what you do is not good so he decided that monday would be his day off and he'll go shopping with his wife he said that initially it wasn't easy he will go with them and she'll be taking him to so many shops he doesn't want to go to and then she will ask is it nice and he will say he's nice even when he doesn't know but with time his marriage got healed and he became the happier man and he got a lot of support from his wife so accept the fact that we are male and female amen i just wanted to um say that number one there's a very powerful um seminar or conference that we are experiencing and the things that are being shared to help our lives you know help our marriages and i believe that as you are listening god allow god and allow yourself to you know make some analysis of your own self you know and try to apply them to practically have an effect on whether you are married or single yes and i once said you know when you began you spoke about how for the christian you know they say i will never change it's like you know we said that when you marry somebody the person is not likely to change and so some people take advantage and say hey i'll never change and it just occurred to me that in the key of acceptance the person the the the target of change if you are the one who is being worked on to be changed i think that you should have a mind to also change to upgrade yourself you should try because it's not it's not good to even remain the way you are everything god created doesn't remain the way it is everything god created grows and changes and becomes better from glory you know from glory to glory so if if you are the point of or you are the subject of attempted change all the time um understand it is true that you are not likely to change much but you can be modified you know and like um antibond was saying after a while you realize that some things that you may not even like but after you've married for a while it drops off on you it's like magnetism after a while you become like your spouse and your spouse also gradually changes to become like you in a way so i think that it's a very powerful revelation that we are receiving you know especially the part you spoke about um don't masculinity and femininity they are different things and they will remain different things yes and if you analyze even what god created every substance is a mixed child something and then i said to myself well water is pure but water is made up of hydrogen and oxygen yeah you know so i think that for a good life it's always a mixture of two things you know you you mix this and that to get something now when your mixtures are wrong for example many years ago you used to make do shandy now if you don't understand shandy i will not explain to you but the shandy canada become coca-cola fully or can become the other drink fully so you need to know how to mix like water is made up of h2o two um hydrogen one oxygen so if you are choleric and your wife is um melancholic you must understand that it's a good platform to start from and the way we mix the two it's never a wrong mixture once you are married your mind should be that this is not wrong that we are not coming like i can't take it or we are in fact a common uh excuse now is um we are not compatible of course we don't expect you to be compatible but you are supposed to augment yourself and then create a wonderful new union so i believe that this conference is really going to work out for our good myself and so now i i i just thought it would be interesting to look at um what is the meaning of acceptance and something i saw interesting he said you must it means you give credence you know believe in trust in confidence in faith and reliance you know dependence on you know and so on and and and when you marry you know what we are saying is that believe in the temperament of your spouse you know that is a way to accept it you have to analyze it like it's being analyzed for you and realize that this temperament it can it can help me in this way it can help me in that way and i can be better off when i learn a few things from the person when you analyze it like that and you begin to believe in the person you give credence to him and so on you will begin to take advantage or become better by it so i believe that we should take what we are saying and seriously and it's going to be powerful we are not all men we are not a woman amen i'm happy that we have a man here also to bring a perspective amen i was saying that god made us male and female one of the things too is that women like communication most of the time so for hair the measure of love is that you spend time with her i think that all the things that make men happy or most of the things that make men happy are tangible and can be seen so when we come for marriage counseling they ask the woman how many times do you have sex with your husband and she says then we have a sexual meter so we can look at it to say she's not doing well how many times do you cook for your husband it's also tangible but when the woman says you don't have time for me it's it's nebulous it's not tangible because she cannot count so we don't have a communicometer or a tymometer but we have a meter do you understand so when they come for the magikarp she looks like she is not trying but what it is is that you haven't seen anything anywhere to reap you don't chat with her you always on the phone you are always talking to other people laughing chatting happy she won't say anything but it sends a signal to her that she's not important she's not interesting to you and somebody else is better you are always on your computer when she's coming then you close it you think that we are fools or we are babies a woman knows a lot so when she reads through it your cup your computer has now become mrs herbert say then when you finish and you close your computer you come to the bedroom and you expect an action movie from where there is no bullet in the the gun for it to be shot okay so please show something i i i get a bit sad when i listen to the i say to god oh that they will believe that it takes so little to make a woman happy but they will not believe it headstrong is not so she in some way when men come to my office my wife is very someway what does she do oh she's some way i don't get it i want to understand there's some weirdness so that i can address it so when i touch her she this and then the wife comes hey reverend he doesn't have time for me don't i have time for you last time was i not watching shaolin kung fuz with you she didn't wash it because papa he she can't do not everybody can go by that so there are times when you have to sacrifice and sacrifice is missing from christian marriages everything is about me me me me i i i what i want but that's not what christ taught us he said count others better than yourselves it means the other person's opinion it means the other person's interest it means what the other person values and when we count each other's values better than ourselves you will be outdoing me i'll be out doing you and it will make for peace a lot of things are brought on by ourselves but i pray that god will touch our stony hearts this evening and change us for good amen [Applause] accept the physical structure or looks of your spouse accept the physical structure or the looks of your spouse now men are moved by sight although the bible says we walk by faith not by sight but for you that verse is the opposite we walk by sight and not by faith but anyway it is understandable god uses that to make you attractive attracted to a woman but when after three children you say that why is your waist like that you are not being fair because you at 40 you have not given back before look at your midriff what should we say you are totally out of shape and yet we love you but we have a reason we've done cesarean we've done this at nine months it's like this after nine months it comes like this then we bought me yeah it comes like this your children are the ones who have sucked the breast of the woman today you say it's challenging really really you want to have your cake and eat it i am not saying the woman should not also make the effort to look nice to look attractive she should but you have to accept certain realities that young lego girl you are picking up she is going to be worse than your wife was at the age of 30. and then after that you go for 1100 again you are always going back back and forth you have become an iringa it's time to change that amen so that's why we say that marry the contents and not the packaging amen marry the content what does the bible say in proverbs 31 verse 30 charm is deceitful beauty is vain but a woman that fears the lord she shall be praised he didn't say charm is not good he said it deceives it doesn't make you think properly beauty it fades is vain go and ask miss ghana 1999 how many have come after her now that we are in 2021 when asked miss malaika i even know one of them today she has children and she's busy raising her family would she be miss malayka forever no but what she is within will be changing from glory to glory so accept your spouse not that she she should leave her whole self every day in the house you are cooking a banquet big stain yeah why don't you want to look good at home i don't understand ladies and gentlemen investors are coming you are running look nice so that you don't have to do that look nice so that you don't have to run the only time you have to run is when you are wearing hot pants for your husband's sake and i guess we shouldn't see you like that has come then that one you have to run but not that you are looking like bob marley and then when people are coming you don't you want to look nice why you don't want to do your hair yes you have taken your wig off but under the wig can be a nice healthy pony amen ladies and buy something nice to hold up on it even at home amen and wear earrings red jewelry when you are cooking look nice wear your jeans hey some of you your your house coat is a towel on tomah there are see how pushing away where did you learn that from every time and then every time there's roles in your hair either you've taken off your wig you are looking like what does that say another boy you're looking like another boy in the house it's not attractive and then the bedroom your clothes are tying that you're nineteen or eight times die and you see through tire and die be innovative don't don't let it be only when you are going out look nice at home eh look for nice underwear to wear amen ladies but the rocks your pants with those watches are dang amen ladies you always wearing bowler you you wear your husband's boxes super [Applause] i think this particular point you you know i think that sometimes for some of the husbands also you will never make a comment yes your wife about your wife you've never said anything for her to think that this is nice to you yeah so maybe after some years she feels that she's not into clothes meanwhile you secretly admire others others so i think that when you are seeing your wife depreciating you should ask yourself you know because the laws of physicists the action and reaction are equal and opposite so actually what am i doing that is making my wife not to look nice again even ask yourself when was the last time you bought something ever present and then she would learn from your present that it we know people then she begins to also go in that direction so i think that sometimes the men have not helped and it's also they don't give any money for their wife very important thing you know they don't give any money it's another conference giving of money they don't give any gift i mean that he preaches about it people who have never given their wife a gift to yeah somebody the whole marriage he gave once 100 cities to buy a shed a dress that's all whether it's christmas whether it's easter whether it's even ordinary even valentine's day you have come to city woman what is the conference for you are armstrong but you give to the girl to your office you shower other people with gifts at church you are known as the philanthropist that's in your own house truth it's not like that and also when she even tries to be a bit romantic so very very much from us and marry him you are not encouraging it try yourself cover yourself yeah and then buy buy the right 90 you want your wife to be in i've always said time and time again that virtually all my night dresses are bought by my husband wow a round of applause and you you have never looked i said well look at what's in your mind you are insulting it it's not right we are supposed to help each other sometimes i say to my husband that but they're men how do they also dress at home they wear a top that does not go with that down bastard wouldn't empty that when you are going you spot and you put on your aftershave do your part please women are not suicide whatever but at least look nice also and invest in your wife somebody came to see me and said he had left his wife and i was telling him this foolish fear angry you've gone for she has given you so many problems she says she's not even ready to accept your three children so many and you are still going on with it i don't understand your wife is nice whatever he came to my office with his wife subsequently and i said look at your beautiful wife and then when we finish he said to the wife please excuse me then he said to me mommy she doesn't speak good english she's not well-lit because i said do you know about adult education i said you men you always want already made i know adult education classes they can teach your wife and she can speak the correct english if you let her go for class but you don't want to invest in anything and in any case this year the woman he has i don't see her english but he was totally blind i believe he still is blind if you are listening to me amen i'm running to the finishing line accept that accept the negative things in your spouse's character i think i've spoken about that a bit in terms of temperament yeah now second corinthians 4 7 says for we have this treasure in ethan vessels we are all latin vessels all of us are eating you see jeremiah 30 23 says can the ethiopian change his spots can the ethiopia changes can the leper change his heart so we all have things that are clear things that are not good things that are not but you can't dwell on that so i think i haven't said that in temperament even god knows that the treasure he puts in us we are ethan vessels but he still invests in us and knows that he can get the best out of us so i pray that that will be your story amen amen accept peace instead of curling romans 12 8 as much as lieth within you be at peace or live peaceably with all men as much as life in you be at peace with all men or live peaceably with all men another version says so far as it depends on you a lot of marriages have become war zones you come to church you may even sit next to each other but there's no marriage at home and there's no peace sometimes there's no peace because we keep a record of wrongs i always tell my husband god i don't know how he knows everything how does he know that we will have a problem with keeping a record of wrongs how does he know before he wrote it before we even came that love does not keep a record of wrongs now if love does not keep a record of wrongs what does it mean it means that there will be a lot of wrongs but love does not keep the record that does not register the record life does not refer all the time 1958 oh yes sir the last hour going to my mother you did and then 1972 you did in 1975 you did the same love does not keep a record of wrongs so we need to decide to forgive decide to live peaceably hebrews 12 15 looking diligently lest any fail of the grace of god lest the root of bitterness springing up from among you trouble you and defile others first of all to spring up from among you it's a root and then it will trouble you whenever you don't forgive you are not at peace you have a record of wrongs you will never be happy and apart from that you will develop other diseases that will take you out of this life before your children grow is that what you want the bible says we should look diligently lest any fail of the grace of god less means in case the root of bitterness so we can easily say we are not bitter we can easily say we are not unforgiving but jesus taught us to pray he said we should ask for our daily bread it means that we are praying that prayer every day and in that daily prayer we say forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us so god knew that as much as you need to forgive others he also needs to forgive you and so it's a prayer that you shouldn't pray if you don't forgive the other person and the ones that hate us the most are the ones that we love the most because somebody walking on the road if he throws an apple and it doesn't it's likely not to touch you but the person closest is the one who hurt you the most but if you can look at the cross and see that in spite of all your some awareness god forgive you you must also forgive now that brings us to a very difficult place where people say lady reverend i forgive but i don't forget and then i also forgive but he takes me for granted now the bible says shall we continue to sin so that grace may abound so that forgiveness may abound no that was false answer no so you don't also take your spouse for granted oh because he's a christian he forgive me because he fears god she will forgive me oh me my wife she prays but you forgive me so you go on and on and on you lose the person even if he or she forgives you so you also have to consider the other party you can't go on and on because you see sometimes people take advantage of a wife who is godly you think that she will always be like that because she fears god so when you are somewhere she will give you food to eat when you are somewhere and you touch her in the bedroom she will flow because she's looking at god so because of that you go on and on and on it's like a default set you are used to that but one day the couple before even god says i will not strive with man forever so a place comes like that so even though your spouse should forgive you you too handle with care and love your neighbor as yourself and i believe that that would help so choose peace instead of quarreling add to your point um about forgiveness um you said decide to forgive and i think that forgiveness is one jack in moving in acceptance you can't accept the person if you can't forgive the person and the interesting thing about forgiveness is that forgiveness is not a feeling forgiveness is a decision you make a decision to forgive so maybe you are waiting that one day you have a certain feeling that's not an emotion the forgiveness has come you know like some anointing it will never happen it's a decision you have to decide that i'll forgive my husband i'll forgive my wife for what she has done or what she didn't do and then you move in the forgiveness it helps you to accept the personals as they are and also when we look at god's model forgiveness goes with repentance so try and show repentance a broken and a contrite spirit that will not despise so for your error look broken for your error look contrite for your error look like you are making some effort yes i slept with her and so what and so what's and so what you have broken trust you have broken so many things so you should look repentant not that even in my office everybody does it are you are you special if you can't accept it just no even god he demands repentance and then he forgives amen so let us see some repentance on both sides and receive the grace to say sorry receive it and some of you when your wife says sorry you are now climbing on your throne for what give me five reasons why five diagrams to demonstrate five tests to prove i've seen it what i'm saying so what are you what exactly are you saying sorry oh i'm sorry for the way i spoke to what way did you speak to me oh i think i got carried away so i raised my voice is this the first time you have raised your voice more forgiveness no i bear you in conference and you begin to make reference you make references the first time you raised your voice last week didn't you do it one story that she came to say it has become a whole conference no no you can point out things even later but sometimes maybe not in the same form because god forgives you even for things you don't know about you know but repentance is key especially when whatever has been committed has gone to the root of the marriage it's broken trust it's brought so many doubts and whatever and you just think that by a wave of your hand things should be restored you'll forgive possible but there needs to be restoration in that marriage there needs to be communication there needs to be talking to each other there needs to be openness she should be able to say oh so when you said this you really didn't me and you need to say yes i'm sorry babes that was it you the senator you are saying assembled to me i want one mata won't she let it drop please i think we have persuaded better things of each other amen now accept that the word of god is greater than your emotions or your personal ideas matthew 26 from verse 38 matthew 26 from verse 38 this is jesus remember that he has rebuked peter seriously when peter said i will not let you go and die he called him satan i said get thee behind me satan thou severs the things of men and not the things of god and the bible says he set his face steadfastly to go to jerusalem now when he got to jerusalem he goes to the garden of eden at the garden of gethsemane and he's praying then he says to them my soul is exceeding sorrowful even unto death tarry ye here and watch with me why is he sorrowful when he knows the will of god why is he sorrowful when he has told us in all the chapters before for this reason came into the world the son of god must fall into the soil and it abideth alone but he has said all this but when it came to the crunch he also had emotions the bible says we have a high priest who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities why am i saying this i'm saying that jesus also had emotions my soul is exceeding sorrowful your soul is where your emotions are the seat of your emotions your mental ability your mind your intellect and your feeling your emotions he says i'm so sad i'm so depressed even unto death so it's okay for a christian to also have challenges in his or her emotions amen and then what does he say he says watch with me the next verse then sayathian to that no the next 39 and he went a little further and fell on his face and did what and prayed saying oh father if it be possible let this cup pass from me nevertheless not as i will but as thou wilt so you have to accept that god's will which is primarily from his word is greater than how you feel emotionally emotionally you feel like working out of the marriage emotionally you feel like going to have an affair to teach your wife or your husband a lesson emotionally you feel that the marriage is finished but like jesus there must be a nevertheless the key was that he went into his closet where he could talk to god alone and he didn't mask his emotions he didn't say oh you know being the son of god i don't feel extremely sorrowful being the son of god my sorrow is not up to death i'm a man of faith i'm a woman of faith he said my soul is exceedingly sorrowful and to death then he said let's watch and let's pray that he goes and he tries to negotiate with god that if it is possible let this cup of crucifixion pass nevertheless that is where you accept that what god's word says and how you are feeling and the fire that's burning in you is different from what god's word is saying but you come to the point where you say if it's possible leave get me out of this marriage if it's possible i just want to walk out if it's possible i just want to throw in the towel if it's possible i don't feel like going on nevertheless not my will not my will a lot of our marriages a lot of our relationships are packed with our own will but accept that god's word is higher than the way you feel that is the key if you've been married for some years there are times when you come to a point that i'm tired it's hard i can't i don't have the energy sometimes not even you but some people just study their spouse and say lady reverend he's not interested anymore so why am i there so it's not that they have begun to feel that they should go but when they read through the lines they feel rejected they don't feel wanted they know that action is going on somewhere why am i here he disrespects me i'm not saying the person should go and disrespect you but i'm saying that in your emotions don't make decisions you know you say terrible things i regret marrying you yes pat your things are good do you think i'm afraid go if if you go i will live i will survive what do you think you are and if you're a woman as your husband is getting dressed going out you are talking after him yes you hear what i said when you come i'll not be when everything dies down you say oh why did i allow my emotions to carry me this is not what i meant to say oh i'm so sorry and sometimes because of what you said it has become a seed you may say sorry but the person is thinking about it he said he regrets marrying me so what am i going to do he regrets marrying me and when you are angry and you tell your wife pack your things you think whatever you you think you are showing power i will divorce you you think you are showing power but what you are doing is you are sowing seeds of insecurity so she's thinking how can i buy a house how can i secure myself he has said it three times that he's he's going to throw me out when they throw me out like that just to what what am i going to do i have always put our money together i don't have anything i have to plan how did it begun the things you begin the things you said made her think that what if it happens what will i do so let's be careful with our tongue our emotions the bible says in ephesians 4 29 let your speech minister grace to the people that hear you it's not that you shouldn't be angry but sometimes when the emotion is so high don't speak it don't speak because the bible says a foolish man says everything that's on his mind later on in the evening you and your wife you have united crime you are eating calories drinking tea and you wonder if it's the two of you since i come for cows they say i'm living here the next month i see your wife can walk well she's pregnant married people married people you wanted to say something oh i i think that what you are saying is very um very very important and especially you said the word of god is our key it's higher than our emotions yes it's higher than our emotions we don't move by how we feel we move by what the word of god says god created marriage so when he says it and we flow of it it's going to bring us blessing i believe i think that the cracks is that we are not christians in the marriage you may be a cardinal you may be a pope but in the marriage you are not a christian that is you say the way you speak and where to sit you go and say to your husband i'm sorry but let's see this day you say to your wife park your things three times and you think oh when i say she's still there no she has built that cuckrobe just that she has not told mercy a lady once came to me that her husband had been unfaithful and also she was doing business with him and all that so she was really crying her old lady referenced so what and she said you know i saw this about two years ago so although this has happened i just thank god for wisdom and i say really what wisdom she said well i've built a two-story house he doesn't know about you i said what she said yes i've even started to finish it because i knew that you would treat me this way then just as we were talking bishop's like he walked in and then i was telling him you see this lady she said she has built a house she was like he's sick so you're building your house and then your husband's secret which one is has one secret life which one is worse so it's like i said like your two-story house is western you know so sometimes because you create insecurity the person is not sure you bring all sorts of things to the person's mind it's not every time that when a woman does a project it means she has a bad mind because after all the veterans run the bible says she considers her field and she buys it the bible doesn't say she's done anything wrong she considers she considers and she buys it but i think that some of these emotional outbursts and things we ourselves we don't know the word of god that's what that's the problem so when the crisis comes you don't know what god's word says all you know is bishop i took preach powerfully but jesus could use the word of god in matthew 4 it is written it is written you you don't know the word so when the things happen your foolish friends at work you're the other one and your foolish friends are church they are the ones who advise you and your emotions but accept that god's word is always higher you see sometimes the world looks like they are winning oh even since he divorces right he has found a nicer wife to my from my experience is because of where you are standing most of the time all that glitters is not good and my mother who is 80 something tells me that from all the statistics both men and women often regret it and they say that hey i should have taken what i had already like that but now you have to prove to the whole world that you are very happy and you've moved on so you have become an australist and we are all watching you you have become james bond you are acting but inside you feel that sometimes you feel that you should have exercised some patience you could have built your home now you have broken down everything so accept that god's word every christian needs a nevertheless in your life matthew 26 39 father if it be possible let this cup pass nevertheless not my will but yours be done and peter also said we have told all night and we have caught nothing i think matthew 5 5 luke 5'5 and then he says but nevertheless i'm an experienced fisherman i'm an experienced married man i'm excited some of you to you feel that your experience in business and your success in business means you are successful in marriage but you see life is incompetence and it doesn't really follow why do i say that because in first psalm 25 3 the bible says that nebal he was a very great man but he was also a fool he was very successful in business he had three thousand sheep so many oxen so many things he was successful in business but in marriage he was a fool so life is in compartment and let's make sure that we are christians in every department amen the key of acceptance accept that god's word finally i want to say that something the holy spirit has been impressing on me is that christians are not kind to each other we are cruel the bible says love is kind it says the fruits of the spirit is love joy peace patience gentleness goodness some versions put it kindness we are kind to everybody else apart from our spouse no kind words no kind actions no kind gestures no kind thoughts every time you think about your wife your husband only foolish thoughts he's bad he's wicked this man where's the love that drew you together kindness we don't talk kindly even to our work colleagues about your wife if your wife were to open your portamento it will not be easy but you are busy discussing in the office she is this she's this she's not realizing that that third party feels that she's your wife's driver so she's very happy to hear you complaining about your wife and she seems to con comfort you because she is happy to be a replacement or a wedge between you and your wife the bible says what god has put together let no man no woman no circumstance no experience including your tongue put you asunder the bible says the two shall be one flesh when you are doing your marriage vows he said stand by you in all things love and protect the protection has lifted except for the covering of the lord she stands alone and that foolish man in your office is telling you husband doesn't treat you right somebody called me and said i don't see my husband he doesn't have time for me and there's a guy i share an office with lady reverend by the time i come in the morning when he's coming to work he has bought me breakfast when it's lunch time he says what will you eat today i started by saying i will not eat and he'll still go out and when he's coming he says although you said you would not eat i thought you should have a bite so i bought you this so she said to me i've begun to fall in love with him it hasn't become a relationship but i need help because i can see where i'm going i said well first of all go and ask if you can change offices so that you are put somewhere else number two don't go out for any lunch don't accept his gifts tell him i don't think my husband would be happy for me to receive gifts although you may have a very clear mind but i'm not comfortable with it so because of that i'm afraid i cannot accept it now she told me this in confidence so i didn't tell the husband when i saw the husband i said look you better pay attention to your wife okay when was the last time you took a lunch in the office hey mommy that's deep i said it's very deep or china go to lunch what he did as if i'm facing him but what i was doing was trying to relay the wife's concerns and then the wife called me hey mommy he came here with lunch i said hey god is moving hallelujah god is moving and today they've been mined for many years at that time they had about two or three children were you going to throw in that to just have a fling in the office and these days is so common and when you even people come for cancer and you tell us mommy you don't know what bang girls do are you a child of god or you're a banger are you a child of god or you are a bank boy sometimes i've gone to the bank and i pray for the male bankers because i see people come even the tellers the managers i see people come to them hey and what if today you are looking good hey and you're tired i'm waiting to be saved when all this is going on and i'm praying under my breath oh god deliver this man he's such a fool deliver him lord instead of cutting the conversation shot you are enjoying it the bible says about the strange woman by her flat trees she warned him the bible says do not be taken by her eyelids oh no hey don't use your life as a guinea pig except that god's word is higher that even in spite of all that you are experiencing god was here from the foundations of the earth and he knows why he has written what he has written the bible says there is a way that seems right unto a man but the end thereof is death many many people especially men have regretted the words they walked on my mother says at the end of their lives they say call me my wife she has really looked after me and they are crying begged my wife for me all the good times you could have had you went against god's word and god's word is now fighting you i pray you know i know how hard it is sometimes to forgive i know how hard it is when your emotions are broken and you still have to forgive other people even in the church you know when people slander you you still have to love them because after all some people say i don't love my wife anymore lately so i'll not forgive really the bible says love your enemies so let's sign up your wife your husband as an enemy you owe him love i didn't say it he said it that's right amen he said love your enemies do good to them that hate you because christianity is not an easy thing at all do good to them that hate you if he said be neutral it will be easier be neutral you hate me stay here i stay here but i should come and do good to you bless them that kiss you hey i thought that we go for prayer music that one is for satan and his angels whoever they are but this enemy you have god said bless them that case and pray for them that despitefully use you matthew 5 44 how are you going to do that it takes the divine power of god so accept that your wisdom is like this and god's wisdom is like this and his wisdom is higher than your feelings your emotions your thoughts what your mother has told you what your father has told you the word of god is paramount the key of acceptance it will unlock many doors in jesus name amen amen i believe that we are enjoying this great council the bible says that where there is no council that people perish but in the multitude of counselors there is safety thank you very much mommy for those in-depth wisdom wisdom from the deep wells hallelujah amen if you have questions i just want you to channel it to this number it will pop up on your screen whatever question it is i believe that episcopal sister is here to address it and to give you answers to it hallelujah put your hands together and i bishop of course so uh our dear sister is going to read out the questions and please i want you to pay rapt attention because the question somebody might be asking might be solving or giving an answer to your question so please i want you to you know pay particular attention thank you very much [Music] [Applause] [Music] i think i'll read it so that it's um answered together says what do i do my wife cheated on me what do i do my wife cheated on me that's the next one what i would say is you have to examine your life that what broke the trust when you know what broke the trust then you will know which area to rebuild but it takes analysis somebody said his wife cheated on him on her on him sorry his wife cheated on him the first lady the first person i don't know whether it's a lady said that how does he or she build trust because their issues are based on trust surely something happened yes that broke the trust was it an affair was it that you discovered betrayal was it that he was talking behind your back if you know what broke the trust then i would say believe god to receive grace to rebuild the trust but it will also take communication with the other party to say that my trust has been broken like the man said because you cheated on me so from henceforth i will need you and your actions to reassure me if i'm coming to the room and immediately you as a wife you hide your phone with the background of what has happened and you hiding your phone is not going to work if you've broken your wife's trust and every time she's coming by your computer you are turning it off and you are that trust is not going to be restored if your life is closed and she knows nothing the bible says that if we walk in the light our fellowship is with him and with one another but it takes two to walk in the light not one person so if you don't walk in the light how is this dark thing of mistrust going to go out and spouses must speak to each other if something disastrous has happened in your marriage and your wife wants to know so how long has this been going on for and then you lie to cover another lie she probably knows certain things i am not saying that you should give all the painful details but she should know that you are being truthful at least to her and that you are giving her all the salient points that matter based on that then trust can be rebuilt like the gentleman whose wife has cheated on you she cannot continue to have to understand life when she's going somewhere you don't know some women are married but they hang out with their friends all the time they are going here they are moving they are going to this party they are going and sometimes all these things lead to you tell your husband you are going for a conference but you have actually gone on trek with some other man i had to deal with a case like that and when they were going to they went in the brand new car the husband has bought you see these are not nigerian movies or real life stories and then based on that he decides to go and do a dna test and then find out that the first one was not his child you see and they married because the girl got pregnant and he was a christian they were brought in the church and he hurriedly married her saying that they would tell the pastors that they should mine and then later though the baby will come out and now after some years they've had is it two or three children and when he saw his wife's movements and now he has gone to do the dna the first child that for which reason he married it's not his child you see but if you had come clean come to your pastor like david and say look this has happened my wife is pregnant it's not that she's in the choir i'm an asha we are keeping a secret now you don't trust her the man was sweeping like a baby in my office like a baby you know because of all these things that have happened so there's mistrust and the wife didn't show any repentance she was rather shouting so he also took all the evidence he could get to his father-in-law the whole thing became messy but i think that anything can be forgiven if we go back and rebuild the walls that were broken i believe and with the help of god and some pastoral help i believe we can come to the right place amen i think i also like to add that trust is very fragile and we should all endeavor to keep the trust you know i've been married by for 26 years or so i'm still keeping the trust is still a major you know thing i do daily you know because when you tamper with the trust it's it's different it's like a car when you open the engine as soon as the first day the mechanics touched the engine and opened it even though they were covered back and all that the car would never be the same again you see so you must understand married my married woman trust is it's very um it's a very dangerous thing to tamper with and so you must do all that you can to keep the trust and rebuilding that trust like manta mami has said it takes time it takes it takes um uh i mean we can only believe what we see from a setting point onwards so if you say the relationship is over okay you've said it so now let us see the fruits of what you are saying you see so when the person can now ascertain that oh of a truth nowadays you've changed and so on then he the trust can begin to come i usually will tell people that when you were married you had trust which means that it's it's possible to have trust in each other again and so never have the mind that i can never trust a person and i think when you keep saying that you are prophesying to the marriage and declaring that trust will never be found again but trust can be rebuilt even if it is um a limping trust it's better than no trust at all at least trust with crutches is better than no trust uh-huh so try and at least resurrect your trust to a certain point i i think the last thing i'll say is that i think another thing that brings about these trust issues may be friends you know because usually is the friends and the people you listen to that will lead you into what you did and like the bible says that there was a guy he was in love with his sister and he couldn't see how he could do anything wrong to the sister another scripture since his in somewhere he says that but amnon had a friend you see he's the story goes there he said but amnon had a friend his name was jonadap and jonathan was a streetwise guy and he told him that he began to give him words he must say to accomplish the evil he wanted to do so usually if you found yourself in this type of thing usually you would have a friend you may have to sanitize your friendship system in your company you know so that you have you listen to the right people and so and maybe talk to your pastor so if you want to rebuild your trust um it's good that when you marry your counselors especially if they're your pastors they remain in sight and you know the bible says that don't remove your teachers from sight and i'm sure as you meet certain troubles in your marriage when you come back they can talk to them sometimes people don't there was a time my wife would talk to somebody i also talked to the person but i wouldn't be talking to her so when she asked the issue she talks to the person i also talk to the person then the person give me the response and also give him a response they who went you know you need to have somebody you can actually both of you can talk to at a point because it will definitely come so you need to have somebody maybe a good friend a good christian friend a pastor a counselor and you can all talk to the person go there shout you go home your wife who goes to go their shout and then later the counselor will now sort the things out for you you know and then you can rebuild um the trust and remember a limping trust is better than no trust you know so and i think that it's not a magic wand when trust has been broken so much that you just say oh okay from now just you have to earn it the bible says bear fruits that befit repentance that's what john the baptist told them so repentance has certain fruits so let's see those fruits and it will help your other spouse of course your spouse should be gracious like god but you should rebuild by bearing fruits of change that can encourage the other party okay so maybe i'll plead with you give your wife another chance and see yeah and not to remember the point but i think that lastly think about god because we also have broken god's trust and we keep breaking his trust every day every new year you make so many promises to god we break it but god never gets fed up with us don't say that oh you are not god i believe that god's example for us is also good for to also learn from know that as you are not trying to trust a person again are you saying god also shouldn't trust you you know so remember that as you saw it you can also reap it and the bible talks of the story of the king who forgave his servant that the first servant didn't forgive his his friend and he came back so think about the fact that you need god's trust also after you did what you did so to earn it from god consider your fellow human being and retrust the person amen okay good evening lady reverend god bless you for coming out to speak to us i wanted to ask if your beloved doesn't use your picture your pictures as her dp or status does she really love you especially when you have only three months to marry thank you um i wouldn't say it's a hard and fast truth but i would say it's unusual because most of the time your beloved will be so in love with you that he will put it but i wouldn't say that i had him fast through that it means that this but if you see this sign look for other signs that may buttress the point and then you can take a decision a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage it may be a sign that he or she is not confident about you it may be a sign that he's shy of you and somebody who's shy of you then i wouldn't like to marry but it may also be a sign that he's a totally private person you know but you have other things to barters the fact usually it will not just be one indicator you have other things so may god lead you by his holy spirit for you to know but a sign is a sign is a sign and must be looked into hello please i'm a 24 year old guy in a few months old relationship trying to know ourselves communication goes on well but my problem is that she doesn't even try to know more about me even my birthday what should i do tell her categorically what you expect but again it's clear that a woman will not remember your birthday oh she's not even asking what is your best maybe it's temperament maybe she's super flake you don't remember anything but you must also ask yourself whether you can live with it anything that you see multiplied by a thousand you see it in marriage at to the thousand degree so ask yourself whether it's something you can live with or something that's going to pain you throughout your life and make an informed decision we as pastors and counselors we make it never make a decision for you so that one day you say because of us you didn't marry no we will advise you but the ball is in your court but open your eyes well and pray pray that the holy spirit will lead you he will and talk to her about your concerns and see whether i mean ask her what her problem is in remembering is it that she feels you are not important or ask directly and maybe that will lead to more openness and more help i would say yeah sometimes to maybe the person from her background is not into birthdays or celebration of things where how she came from they don't do such things so also consider that fact that's why we say a temperament one of the components is your background so if you discover that her background limits her in how she behaves and reacts then you should take yourself that you are a kind of a teacher who god has brought into her life to make her know certain things so on her birthday you you show her you are just four months or so in the relationship so i mean give yourself like a year is that three months to marriage no you say four months in the relationship so celebrate her birthday and watch how she reacts to yours maybe she may be learning she would learn from you and learn other things in addition ezekiel 2010 the opposite sex closely when you are married what if the other partner doesn't like that but you don't see anything wrong with it timeless problem timeless problem ask yourself if your spouse was to entertain the opposite sex like that would you like it if you feel you are entitled if your spouse your wife or your husband is to do that will you be free you will like it with what you do with the other person you know and also the bible says that we should make straight paths to our feet so we shouldn't have too much confidence in the flesh the bible says that flee from appearances of evil so some things appear evil even unbelievers will see it as evil so why would you do that and if you the partner you say you don't see anything wrong with it and is ruining your spouse give a little room for hair consent you see and i don't know discussing doesn't help it but usually it leads to problems usually but sometimes you know i ask a person a counselor you need more facts to make a decision as i said i think that my mother used to say that if your husband and wife you shouldn't also go and take an opposite sex person as your main person it would jeopardize the marriage she she advised somebody and the person was very angry because she was friends with the man and she said that is my husband's friend whatever but in the end it was an affair in the end it was an affair and a very bad one so usually the flags are real but talk to your husband or your wife and find and also if the person is your friend does the other person relate nicely to your other spouse or she an outsider all these things sometimes fight the marriage so and also as i said don't let's think about what makes only us happy it's a bit you know but if it's necessary then you need to work wisely and put some parameters to protect your marriage that's all i can see a wide topic yeah i think also that if you have been fortunate to know what makes your spouse unhappy you know in them when you enter into marriage you've entered into a new level of life where you are no longer living to yourself you know and so what may make you happy once it does not bring joy in the marriage and always brings an argument to a fight then you have to decide to forgo it that that's it it's so that's why when you are married you have to take vows it means it's a very serious thing you know so you can't marry and then your excuse over is my friend i can't do without him you you can't that means you're not ready to marry you're a married woman you are out you are sitting in the evening he says my friend hey like your way to be happy is to go out with friends as soon as you marry your way to be happy cannot remain in a particular male or a particular female yes of all god's creation this particular female and you know an affair or a relationship between a man and a woman can more be equated to a chemical reaction and you you in your mind in your mind you see it that is not my mind but it doesn't matter after a while it will happen it's chemistry and it doesn't need the consent of even your mind so at that point you have to run away or even the day that you've clogged your wife that's when the person will call you it's oh look even how she's talking to me this one at home she doesn't even appreciate you are comparing foolish things but you are foolish excuse me to say you see the devil and he it's not his power that the bible says we should be afraid of his wiles he uses cunning procedures tricks so we have to be careful you are in a relationship not married yet you love the inner qualities of your beloved but you are not physically attracted to it should this be a nevertheless and then you just go on and marry her i i would advise if i can advise that person if physically she doesn't attract you it doesn't matter what the contents are eventually you will not stay in the relationship because a man your what attracts you is the site what you see so if the packaging is not working for you you know i don't think that you should continue with the relationship you are wiser of looking for someone else yeah i don't and then you'll be hiding when they say we say oh my sister my cousin you are not proud of her no so yes the packaging the contents are important but you should also be proud of a person in songs of solomon so my beloved is the chiefest amongst all then solomon to say your neck is like whatever whatever maybe and then the people around would be saying hey where's your beloved you are dark but i'm dark but calmly so what your beloved sees is not what other people see do you see but this is what you like and it's attractive to you choose it but if you choose packaging above contents too you also have a problem because the ugliness inside obama means come out so until i think yeah the scripture that is an unbalanced skill is an abomination so look for packaging and um content strike a balance you know you can see a car you like it very much but it's 7.0 liters engine if you want to buy it if you have civil service money usually you cannot fuel the car you understand so you have to look for which car can still be nice to me and it's 1.5 or maybe even 1.2 liter engines but most brothers you marry the package and the packaging you marry 44 62 and 82 that's all why are you going to the marriage you will not even notice the 42. so content isn't okay good evening mommy this is my question how can i deal with the fear of marriage and anxiety in my relationship it's making me emotionally unstable and i fear that it might destroy my relationship or even make my beloved pull back from me well fear is not a mood it's a spirit the bible tells us god has not given us a spirit of fear but of power of love and of a sound mind so you need to cast out that demon christians cannot be demon possessed but christians can be demonized or demon influenced now i'll not have time to go into all that so i'll recommend derek prince demons and how to deal with them or demon possession if you go on youtube facebook somebody's foundation graciously posts all his messages it will show you the demon of fear and the hold it has on you he direct prince himself a great bible teacher had the spirit of depression every time after preaching and god showed him it was a spirit not a mood and he got delivered from that so fear is a spirit it will ruin your relationship it will ruin everything about you so you need to be delivered in the name of jesus and the the opposite of fear is faith the opposite of fear is trusting god we walk by faith not by side so you have to overcome that demon not only for your relationships but for the rest of every area of your life so be delivered and then also when you go into the word the word of god sets you free so when you read mark 1 23 the demons when jesus was just preaching they shouted what have we to do with you jesus of nazareth why have you come to torment us before our time i mean leave us alone they said what jesus we were just preaching the word so those of you who think that deliverance is only when you are in some other meeting the word of god sets you free and renews your mind we come back to joshua 1 8 meditate on the word day and night meditate on anti-fear verses you will be set free in jesus name amen and perhaps you also want to change the people you are listening to you know because as you listen to them obviously that um faith comes by hearing you see so the same way fear which is a spirit comes by aaron ezekiel 33 the bible says as they walked and as they walked together and spoke you know the spirit entered into him so the the people you are listening to maybe you have to change the people listen to stanley sources of fear a new person reading some new books audio books or new things about marriage and change your whole perspective about marriage so you really need to change um where who we are be listening to it's adding to the fears by hearing so also listening to the right messages will drive away the spirit of fear what do you do after one year in marriage what you do after one year in marriage before you get to know that your husband has two children you didn't know before the marriage i'm smiling because i've come across all these situations um it's still a matter of trust and it's true that your trust will be broken but you need to talk about it and the two of you need to build bridges and see the way forward in one of the scenarios i dealt with i mean people who are real human beings the man did not tell his wife that he had a 15 year old also yeah and the wife just discovered through his bank account that there was money going every month out so she was very very angry she came to tell me she she insulted him the whole night and she said that she sat by his side on the floor by the bed and insulted you you are an imposter you are a deceiver you are this then in the morning they were coming to church it was a saturday but she also asked him so why did you do this and he said you remember before we got married i asked you if you have a child he asked the one if you have a child and no one says what type of question is that i don't have a child can i have a child said then she said what about you the way you are asking me what about you do you have a child and he said if i told you i had a child what will happen he said i'll never marry you because my mother says i shouldn't marry a man with children so based on that when you told me that your mother said you shouldn't marry a man with children i also hate it so that i could marry you wow now by the grace of god they were walked through and they forgave each other and now she would even have the girl come to her house and sometimes they'll go and give whatever to the girl and she even told me when they go to the girl's side and she sees the girl's mother she would tell her husband ah you don't have taste crap this is what so it became even a joke but i know the true and this is how they went through what they had and then the guy had to now make more effort to be um credible to be trustworthy like it was just this issue it's not so he did his best to win her confidence again and things became smooth so it's a blow but it can be dealt with but i don't know why he did that whether he deceives whether i mean i know a case the woman was grown up and retired real life people and the man had four children he has looked after them and everything i don't know why and they were older than her children so in this case that the la the first case i shared it was because he felt the girl not marry her him if he said it doesn't justify it but the unexpected happens that you need god's wisdom and grace to continue that's what i would say yes i think that the power of this testimony is to say to you that it's possible to go on even with the discovery so do not ban the marriage you know but rather like um auntie mummy has said you know let's work at it and it's possible to work at it and to have you know a happy marriage i also know people who had similar situations and over the years the children grew up and they become people and they are a blessing to their marriage and blessing to the woman who wasn't their actual mother you know so um christie always says that when you see a child you don't know who they will grow up to become so i think it's also an opportunity for you to show kindness you know and the kindness that you show you'll be surprised that one day someone will have to show kindness to your children who are not their biological children so it's an interesting way of god positioning us and to see how we would behave and how the future reflects our actions today so i think that um it's unfortunate but then it's not the end of the world and also i don't know bishop bishop if more will appear from the woodwork i mean so she has to get a bit more information and i believe that when you pray god leads you and reveals so much you are not looking for to you is different from snooping hey where will we where god speaks to you i tell you things that you are supposed to know he will bring to you you know god just reveals things to you supernaturally often when you don't even know so talk to your husband and ask him if there are anymore you should declare it now or else forever hold his peace okay so find out more and be open about it so that you will build a solid foundation okay how do i deal with a husband who does not love me the way i want to be loved but how he thinks i should be loved give him some space because everybody's love language is different i don't know if you've read the book the five languages of love for some people the language of love is gifts for some people it's affirmation for some people it's acts of service one lady told me that the only time my husband is happy is when she's home and she's cooking and cleaning that's his love language it's like to have her in one place she shouldn't move anywhere that's when he's happy but she's going to work conferences is a problem so his love language i said this one to us so something has to give but you have to also appreciate what he's given and then add to what you want but don't just ignore what he's giving that i'm his love language and say that i understand only mine please am i making sense yes because somebody's love language maybe acts of service somebody is affirmation when you say oh thank you so much i'm so glad i married you i feel that you you make our home so warm you look for the positive things in the person and the person feels so loved some people too is gifts if you haven't given me a gift and you affirm me act upset whatever i don't care i don't see it but it's not in itself evil so see the person's love language and then affirm it or acknowledge it and then now ask for your love language but it will take time because all of us are quite set in our ways so you may have to start by accepting his love language but some people they don't do any of the languages no affirmation no gifts no acts of service no nothing that one is not good i think that the question you've asked is a question every married person has has asked before and actually it's the asking we have not perfected the act of learning the love language of your partner and i think the attitude is to keep you know try and keep doing your best and when the person reacts then he's giving you five points from the reaction you should be able to learn some things from the reaction marriage is hard work i'm sorry it doesn't just fall from heaven it's hard work okay good evening please if you had issues with your wife and she pulls a knife on you four times what must you do as a man run run have the matter looked into sat down looked into and let there be some explanation and show her you are not going to risk your life unless she shows some change usually is the men who do that to the women so this is a bit strange is it a dream or reality interestingly the only other story like this i've heard it's also of another woman and the man when he wakes up the wife will be standing on him with a knife watching him you know so i don't know why there is that thing but it's it's quite a dangerous thing you may have to make it known to maybe i don't know whoever your pastor or somebody yeah so that there is evidence because this is uh a typical case for domestic violence yeah you know and if it's reported to dobson or whatever she'll be taking in for assault and battery the fact that you create that fear and apprehension for the person is itself a liability so if the husband wants to go by the law she can easily be detained for a while and it can become a court case you see so i don't know why she solves her problems by knives and also she may have to see a psychiatrist it's true sometimes you think his normal life but something is going wrong maybe you've worried here now knives are the solution we must say that we are also answering based on the presumption that you don't draw cutlasses or you don't have guns oh that is [Music] all the the prevailing facts were coming yeah so based on what we are hearing pleases the truth please it is true that bible says what god has put together let no man put asunder my question is that is every marriage put together by god in an obviously abusive marriage is it no wise to leave the marriage instead of staying together and dying at the end jesus said if you are persecuted in one city run to the other okay so when you're an abusive marriage you don't stay there and say ya mean to you because of god and get killed you run but that is separation and then making efforts at reconciliation if possible but sometimes i must say reconciliation is just not possible i know a church of pentecost elder a woman who was asked to go back at redco flats he was in the news and when she went back the mom pushed her from the balcony and she fell and she died i know of another story the cousin of one of our lady pastors the man said come come come come come on mother's day i don't know if you remember it was a headline on the monday of mother's day daily graphic the man came to her she she went back after let's say seven years he begged all the children the days and killed her while she was asleep and then killed himself and the children when university came to see him in that case i thought why did she go back because he had been so abusive he had always said i'll kill you so i'm not saying that every marriage you should stay in it some of the circumstances you have to run away but paul said if possible be reconciled that is if possible okay so that's what and mommy please help me we've been in a relationship for three years and then we broke up i fell out of love because i was really hit but now we are back and preparing to get married but i can't seem to fall in love with him i'm trying my very best i'm very disturbed because i feel that it's not fair on him i've made him aware of my current situation please what should i do work on your heart there may be some bitterness somewhere some unforgiveness somewhere as for grace god always gives us grace when we ask him for it ask for grace to forgive grace to let go and then also i don't believe in oh forget it just let go i believe that people should talk through some of these things whatever he did that broke your heart talk about it because confess your faults one to another and pray for one another that you may be healed in talking to one another and confessing one another's fault healing comes but that's why people jump and go to the next step and nothing happens and as for the emotions they will follow if you will encourage the emotions are like something put in the soil put my nail a bit of fertilizer and try and then the emotions will follow and ask god for healing in places that no surgeon's knife can touch the finger of god can touch and bring absolute healing and jesus but you need to be healed okay and maybe if you do all this and the love still is not coming then you should not go ahead you you see we've said especially for a woman yes if a woman doesn't love you yes it's not a good sign we've seen it so many times i've come to the conclusion after so many years that i will tell you that don't marry rather than cajole you two yeah because you may find somebody you can love and even in the book when you read the modern marriage the foundation of a marriage is love and if that is the one thing that you don't seem to have um they're ready before the challenges come yes because the challenges usually would have come to dampen the lab but now there's even none for the troubles to come and squash so you stand no chance so if if you don't find the love then the right advice to your essence we also can see your face we are telling you directly that then don't marry the person yes you can marry out of mobro i mean sorry i am feelings yeah sympathy you need to marry based on love that's what the book says right please what you do if your spouse doesn't acknowledge anything you do including caring for your step children what if you what do you also do if your spouse keeps making decisions before telling you especially when it has to do with the step children you talk about it it never changes lastly what do you do if you found that your spouse's building in his parents house and he has not told you about it anyway the issue with stepchildren i believe is in the book written by our father the bishop model marriage and that chapter was actually written by me because i grew up by the grace of god in a healthy step home so i would say the things that you have listed are not unusual in marriage and what leads people out of marriages they look at a problem and they think it's peculiar to only them so they leave your husband takes decisions without telling you ask any wife here whether they have not experienced that before and they will tell you that decisions are taken and they don't know sometimes you are sitting in church when you hear that this is what is going to happen for me it shows you that we are all human and it shows you that we all have a left leg like my husband says so some of the things should make you gracious also he does not acknowledge what you do for the stepchildren the bible says about the virtuous woman let her wax praise it so if he doesn't praise you your words jehovah will acknowledge you jehovah will find a way of blessing you the works of your hands will shout and scream and praise you the bible says god is not unrighteous to forget your work and your labor of love beloved god will so bless your children and i'm talking by experience he will so bless your children he will do things you have not asked him for because my father lost his wife and married my mother and it wasn't easy because i was an 18 year gap my mother was 22 and the man was 40. and the man had eight step children and my mother took him and had five of her own which prophet kaka go always ask her that when you came the man had eight you should have had two but you came and you added five and she'll say hey anger would you have been born but in the midst of it i didn't know as a child that there was even any difference but in the midst of it she had a lot of challenges but my mother is the one who would tell you that it's jehovah who blesses that her five children she never prayed make them special make them this no but she meets people who say how can you give birth to three lawyers and two architects how out of your fighting how can you give birth to four pastors but the four pastors they were dears in the forest is the grace of god that has today made them sheep and i believe that god looked at how she handled somebody else's and today i call my mother and i say the proverbs 31 has happened to you and she says what are you saying i said your children whether biological or not my father went 10 years ago but they all rise up and they call you blessed you are their mother even if the common person is not around only jehovah could have done this because you opened your heart and you cared for somebody so this is a test sister god give you grace just be spiritual and do your part and the things that you haven't even asked him for god will surprise you pleasantly what you are talking about in the church to their step children in the church to people don't acknowledge in the church people misbehave but god says to me proverbs chapter 4 verse 23 guard your hearts with all diligence for out of it are the issues of life and when i i am able to come into that mode of god's word i tell you things happen things i have not asked him for he does and i believe you do the same for you don't look for acknowledgement from your husband look to him from whom promotion comes for promotion does not come from the east nor the west promotion comes from god who is above be comforted and god give you strength in jesus name amen thank you lady reverend how do you manage to spend time with your spouse when the church makes so much demand on your time prayer meetings every dawn every evening and both you and your spouse awake your concerns are real unless you schedule time off it will never happen we have prayer meeting when it was slow service every morning sometimes i do get upset with the church for putting prayer meetings on every public holiday so that people don't get to be at home at all i have a problem with that but so sometimes i say it when i consider every public holiday but i'll tell you that one of the keys is do things together when we started the ministry i always did visitation with my husband we always did follow up together we always went for prayer meeting together so it's not like i'm sitting home and the one that children came we'll dress their children and take them all of us our children have grown up in the church they stay in the church they bath in the church even my office my brother i asked him i said come and donate a seat to me is that what he does i come and build a shower and i brought a little overnight case for my little daughter and i bought a little collapsible desk for her so when she comes from school she's in the corner of my office and if i have to do any counseling whatever then i move her to the next office so she will bath everything that shower i've never been there before it was my daughter bad thing i bring towel i bring this so the ministry you are enjoying something has been paid some abnormal life has been made somewhere and the sacrifices are real but i agree with you that god wants balance proverbs 11 1 you see but add yourself to the things so that you are not like mikael who when david went to bring the act and everybody else was dancing to bring the act she was standing outside and criticizing when you join you yourself will not be critical because you say hey you made a ding oh so that's how it tastes and all that and then also your husband should schedule time with you to spend time with you i spend time with my husband sometimes we watch episodes of things we're watching a south american movie from lockdown match through we watch a little a little a little because we are not really uh tv people but we watch a little yesterday he told me that do you know that that movie was uh episode 95 i said it's not possible he said yes it's 95 i'm like wow but we didn't sit like long hours but when he comes from work he my husband baths in two minutes but he bats well anyway and then i bring whatever orange juice whatever we are eating and i learn to put the things that are important to me aside because i say this is also important then i come and sit by him and then we watch whatever we are watching sometimes i'm talking so the man did he shh if you do that we can't i said this one i i i've watched it too he will go here and mommy please i don't like that i saw me i like that me i like to know what they would do even last night yesterday evening he went here went to have a meeting but he came home and so we spent the time together if it's one hour it's two hours it's still quality time and it's still precious and he came to tell me in the night that he has received a revelation because when we're watching the south american so the subtitles are in english and i said hey as we are watching this my spanish has been revived by you you don't understand it but you are not conscious in spanish because the subtitles are in english as soon as we finish i was going taking the things to the kitchen i've got a revelation when i preach in english and subtitles are in the people's language they will hear so the word of god will go forth so the movie cry has brought a revelation you know so join yourself add yourself i don't say me to have got things to do something has to give something has to give and then communicate phone him not to be a ci agent but just to say how is it so where are you oh okay i was just checking on you so what did you eat hey you and this your roasted plantain every day so do you think you would like sandwiches they are various they'll not be a perfect way but there are other ways okay so try you can still achieve some time together all right and then talk to your husband if he is going overboard and sometimes people give excuses that are not excuses and people say oh bishop dog is our father but they don't do what bishop dog does bishop dog takes his family on holiday bishop that somebody goes to take ready for days just to be happy bishop dad gives break and leave to full-timers okay and we are allowed to travel within a certain time if we want but within that we can be called attention by church members i'm leaving my wife i'm standing by the roadside we are like doctors emergency but it doesn't mean that you shouldn't schedule times off schedule it and it will happen amen and don't fight the church you can fight not having time but don't fight the chair and also join when you join everyone you are going to preach you appreciate your husband more because me when i'm going to preach i always ask myself why did i say yes to them that i will come even this morning i said what type of pressure crap is this why did i agree to come but it's because god is the one who called and we have to answer so i ask for more grace for you listen to tips listen to messages and also um how do i say it be occupied with good things when your husband is not there so that you are not always just sitting waiting for him okay the bird of idleness i've preached about so many things go on podcast listen to it and talk to your husband with understanding and if he is not understanding come and see me i will talk to him amen good evening i've been married for 15 years actually got married at a very early age 23. i'm currently going through the most challenging moments in marriage we have contemplated divorce once and i'm currently preparing for anything it's like a dream because we are both christians things are just not working out a friend just shared your live link with me and i've really been blessed i really don't have a question but i need prayer support because i get suicidal sometimes i know it's wrong i have two kids and they are the reason that keeps me moving now well i i i believe that god has led you to this link to be a part of this conference and um we sit here and um auntie mommy who is giving the rich experiences of her life is a real human being person and i would dare to say that if you try to look for her i'm sure you could find her and maybe have a personal talk with her and maybe have an opportunity to be counseled you know in person you know but then um the things we have said are all you know very powerful messages that if you apply them to your life and to your marriage it's very likely that you're going to win about 15 years it's a lot of time and you can't the devil can't trick you into just pouring that out into the gutter i believe that prayer can really um help you and i believe that god and wants your marriage to stand that's why you are watching and that's why you are speaking on the program so may god you know um help you and may god give you the grace you need and and may god cause you to to survive this period you know i think that's an interesting scripture in the bible not a scripture but there's a phrase that starts a lot of scriptures that is and it came to pass and it came to pass you know maybe you're going through something particular but one thing you should understand about storms and about issues and about drops is that they will come to pass and they will not be there anymore after a while just keep holding on i believe you survive amen i think we'll take last i want to say that my heart goes out to you don't be suicidal it's not the end of the world god is still on his throne jesus finds you precious and he shed his blood for you your value is not according to how a man treats you your value is what christ did the price he paid for you and also i'm not surprised that the two of you are christians and you are having challenges because marriage was made in heaven but it was made to be left on earth by two fallen sinners who need the grace of god and at some stages in marriage sometimes you will feel like throwing in the towel what am i trying to say paul said don't behave as if something unusual is happening to you because the temptations you go through everybody else also goes through that temptation but what i would say is when you can't see god's hand trust his heart trust his word fly by instructions not by how you feel and what you see walk by faith not by sight and find out what is your husband worried about what what what are his complaints and receive grace to even forget about yourself and work towards what matters to him and you need a lot of wisdom to know what to do but don't um like a lot of arguments a lot of i think you've done enough of that it's time to retreat and pray it's time to find wisdom in god's word because the world also has wisdom but that's not that's the wisdom of the world and then just flow along and see what god you do sometimes you do all you can i've seen that before the person says he's going but at least you can tell yourself i did all that god asked me to do so do that and then see god change you i've also talked about the podcast i've talked about i've preached about when you go through the wilderness daughter when you are alone daughter when is hard what do you do when it's hard don't lose hope the key of acceptance and your love life surviving your wilderness i preach so many things and it's out there for you because i may not see you one-on-one but with the preaching you can turn it off when you are going out come back turn it whereas you cannot control me like that in ordinary life but in the preaching you are in control so listen to the podcast you can also go to um youtube you'll see some of the messages there just suck it in the word of god the bible says in psalm 107 verse 20 he sent forth his word to heal us and to deliver us from all our destruction may you be delivered from the destruction of suicide may you not think is the end of the world when god is with you it's not the end of the world you will win do not be overcome with evil but overcome evil with good god give you grace and i know that you'll send me a testimony of god's faithfulness receive it in jesus name amen wow i think we'll take the last two questions and then we'll be drawing the curtains down um what do you think god's mind is about staying single getting ivf done and looking after your child single handed what do i think god thinks about it what do you think god's mind is about staying single it's an ivf done having your children and it's like no no man i think just just you know the bible says in proverbs 3 that you know your ways acknowledge him and you direct your path so i'll send you back to god seek him seek his face and ask him what his plan for your life is and if he says go ahead be blessed and go ahead amen amen i think god's mind also about the ivf um option of having a child i know it solves problems for some people but it was it was god's mind then it's in genesis where he said he wanted children so he brought adam and eve together and created children so if you haven't tried that option but maybe you just want to live according to your own desires which actually is rebellion against god's um way god's creation and you want to go your own way you know so this is your prescription you know jesus when he went to get some in that prayer he started by saying that um he said father i know you can do all things you see and if it be possible let this cup has nevertheless not my prescription for life but then your prescription should happen so i think god's way is um a marriage and then the child and so on if it's not happening unless he's not saying ivf is not of god yes but he's saying that you are choosing that root not because you have a challenge but because you want to say a man is unnecessary you know but he's saying that don't choose that for yourself because you have decided that you don't want a man in your life let it be because that's the way that god has prescribed for you you see i know that would be a temptation to just be single have a child and be happy but everything looks um cut and dried like when abram was given higa it looked like oh it's a simple solution sarah said then i'll take the baby look after the bible all their projections didn't work and today israel and palestine are still at war because of that one decision so let's be careful but of course i know they are single parents i've thought about what you are saying before and i know that people lose their spouses so you tell me about their single parents can they adopt whatever if you lose your spouse you're a single parent or but when you are forcing the single would unto yourself and you still want to have the blessing of couple whatever i think that paul said it's not everything i know so i would say it's not everything i know but i think what archbishop has said is food for thought and may the lord lead you amen i think the last one just so many of them just trying to choose so okay so this one is from zambia says that my question is this i've been married for almost nine years i've been taking care of the family sons and it doesn't bother me because i knew he wasn't doing anything when i decided to marry him now he got a job almost three years now but he doesn't even care to contribute to anything unless i ask him and even when i ask him it gets to it gets even when i ask him it becomes a fight even to pay his own children's school fee so i've decided not to ask him anything anymore i think he's just gotten used to me looking after him but mom when is this going to stop me when is this going to stop because he doesn't want any advice even from anybody when we even go for couples meeting in the church and i contribute when he comes home he stands on my neck so it's so difficult for me to usually report him yeah who does your husband listen to maybe he listens to his father maybe he listens to his uncle maybe he listens to his mother who is it that when the person speaks to him he will listen you may advise yourself as to that but i don't think that you should just say he shouldn't bring anything and it's fine by you i think that you should sign up at the school that the school fees is responsible and all school fees letters and bills should be sent to him and all questions about scuffy should be directed to him so that you can also play your path find wise ways of going about it god will give you wisdom amen wow auntie mommy is so refreshing listening to you over and over and over and over again i wish we could go on and on and on and on but at a point we have to bring the meeting to a close thank you very much mommy for accepting first and foremost to come and for the rich council that we have received you will agree with me that we've been blessed tonight amen the theme was the key of acceptance but she's touched on various areas temperaments kindness in marriage experiences and all and you'll agree with me that she's been such a great blessing to us i think we need to give a round of applause to appreciate her thank you very much archbishop for coming your contribution very insightful the wisdom epic thank you so very much hallelujah and so this is how we draw the curtain i believe you've been blessed as i think the fifth edition and next year during the valentine by the grace of god our mommy will be back here we would have taken the program to the next level hallelujah consider the program is growing from strength to strength from grace to grace and one day who knows we'll be having it outside somewhere after covet hallelujah so i would ask mummy to pray for marriages for relationships you know and for homes that are going through trying and difficult times we are going to ask i think she's empowered and she's rich in the grace of god to release some blessings of our lives so i want you to close your eyes wherever you are and i want you to receive every word that she says every prayer that she prays over your life because i believe that this prayer is going to transform your marriages this prayer is going to transform your hopes this prayer is going to change situations in your life and i know that after this program the enemy who had been sued into your life as a thorn is going to dislodge out of your relationship and out of your marriage amen mommy please can you just pray shall we be on our feet wherever you are watching from home i just want you to be on your feet mommy is going to pray with us amen shall we pray father thank you is not by might it's not by power but it's by your spirit thank you jesus lord as a human being there's very little that i can do but you are the one who carries all our burdens your word says come unto me all ye that labor and are heavy laden and i will give you rest amen therefore in accordance with your word i lift everyone under the sound of my voice to you i lift them up their marriages their relationships their lives their brokenness they have struggles the good the bad the ugly i bring it before your throne of grace you said we should come there to find mercy and grace to help in time of need yes for many this is the time of need jehovah show yourself strong on their behalf fight their battles in the realm of the spirit grant them divine wisdom for a city was delivered by the wisdom of a poor man let the wisdom that comes from above be the abortion amen let the legions of heaven fight for them above all in their problem use that to draw them to yourself let the attention be on you let their fulfillment be in you let their strength be in you let their self esteem be with you let their value be in you let the ability to overcome being you and father cause them to triumph on every side lord the real reason for everything you allow in our lives is so that you will draw us to yourself i pray that everyone listening and seeing will be drawn to you jehovah i pray for new priorities that our spouses will not be our priorities but you god shall be our priorities that we will find all things in you the lord when we have sufficiency in all things we may be able to be a blessing to others i speak to broken marriages i speak to ruined marriages yes i say to my just where satan has taken over and i say lose your whole life by the power of god jesus marriage is god's idea every weapon fashioned against it it shall not prosper but god will raise the standard against you in the name of jesus thank you father let people know you yes draw them to you yes let them be born again yes even if you will use a difficult marriage to turn their hearts into you that is the greatest thing for them to have a relationship with you jesus thank you let them learn to win their battles on their knees do for them things they cannot do for themselves above all let every idol in their lives in the name of jesus and let jesus be enthroned in their lives i'm speaking to you who don't know the lord i'm speaking to you who are not born again yes i'm speaking to you who are born again and yet you don't know god personally i'm speaking to you who are tired and weary yes i i just want to invite you to give your life to jesus to rededicate your life to be born again to repeat this prayer after me to begin a new relationship with the lord you may say you are a christian but word of god you don't walk in it may light come into your life amen and on that note please say this prayer after me if you are not sure where you go when you die if your marriage and your life your relationship decisions is not even based on the word of god you know how far you are from god this evening god is using this medium yes to reach out to you yes would you just lift your hands and place it on your heart and say this prayer after me lord jesus jesus tonight i come to you i come to you just as i am i come into my heart come into my heart and make me a new person make me a new person thank you thank you for coming to die coming to die on the cross to save me to save me and thank you thank you that i receive eternal life through this prayer through this prayer thank you for grace thank you for christ to be a child of god to be a child and to live the christian life in jesus name amen amen amen god bless you wow [Music] so until we come your way again next year stay fitted stay put stay blessed bye you

Channel: Lady Rev. Adelaide Heward-Mills Official Videos

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Length: 167min 55sec (10075 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 21 2021