-Welcome, welcome, welcome,
everyone. Welcome to -- -Love you, Jimmy!
-I love you, too. I really do. Welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. [ Cheers and applause ]
You made it. That sounds good. Well, guys,
here's some good news. Today President Biden said that
he wants states to open up vaccines to all adults by
April 19th, nearly two weeks sooner
than his initial goal. [ Cheers and applause ] Or as Biden calls it,
Operation Early Bird Special. [ Laughter ] You know
more people are vaccinated when pajamas sales go down
and Spanx go up. [ Laughter and applause ] Yeah, this is exciting. Hopefully if we're
all vaccinated on 4/19, we'll be passing
something else on 4/20. [ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, what? Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What does that mean? Oh, hey.
-Hey. Come on. -I read that 40% of adults in
the U.S. have been vaccinated. So now when you see
someone without a mask, it's a fun game of
"Vaccinated or Idiot?" [ Laughter ]
It's a fun game. Some sports news --
baseball season is under way. And I saw that despite --
[ Cheers and applause ] I'm excited. Despite warnings
from health experts, the Texas Rangers had a full
crowd of more than 38,000 people for their home opener. Yeah, when they walked in,
all of the fans got a Dr. Fauci bobblehead
that only shook its head no. [ Laughter ] It was a strange game. It was the first time umpires were trying to get themselves
thrown out. [ Laughter ] Well, this is big.
March Madness has ended. And I want to say
congrats to Baylor for winning their first
men's basketball national title. [ Cheers and applause ] Baylor played just like
Paul Rudd's entire life -- started off hot
and stayed that way. -Aw.
[ Applause ] -Happy birthday, Paul. Of course, some of Baylor's
biggest alumni were in the game, including our friends
Chip and Joanna Gaines. Here they are. Yeah, it was a big night
for the Gaines family. Not only did their school win,
but after the game, Joanna redid the entire court
in shiplap. -Oh.
[ Laughter ] -Meanwhile, back on campus, Baylor students celebrated
after the final buzzer. Watch this. [ Cheering ] -What? -Even the drunk dudes in Miami
were like, "That seems risky." [ Laughter ] "I wouldn't do that."
-"Lucky I've had my --" -"You want to get on top of
that car and dance? Sure." Well, people were
talking about this. In response to
Coca-Cola opposing Georgia's new restrictive
voting law, President Trump has told his supporters
to boycott the company. But check out this picture
taken in his office yesterday. Yeah. See it?
[ Laughter ] -Come on. -He has a bottle of Coke
on his desk. But don't worry. Trump fixed it by taking out
a Sharpie and writing "Pepsi." -Oh.
[ Laughter ] -Could we also zoom
into the background of his office for a second? [ Laughter ] Good Lord, how many bronze
Trumps does one office need? It's like, "Just give me
one more layer and perfect." [ Laughter ]
"Perfect." [ Laughter ] Some entertainment news --
I saw that there's going to be an animated movie
based on marshmallow Peeps. [ Laughter ]
-Ugh. -Yep. The movie will be made now
but released in four years, just like the Peep
you ate at Easter. [ Laughter ]
-Oh! Oh!
[ Laughter ] -Ah, Peeps movie. Right now, candy corn is like, "Oh, you think
you're better than us?" [ Laughter ] This is cool -- Last night
NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers made his guest-hosting debut
on "Jeopardy!" Yep, Rodgers he did a great job,
but you could tell he had some say in what
the categories would be. Watch this. -Let's get to the "Jeopardy!"
round with these categories. -Okay, okay, okay, we get it.
That's enough. [ Laughter ] Get this -- A university
in Michigan is offering a very unique scholarship. Check this out. -A Michigan university is
not only offering a degree in cannabis chemistry,
it's now the first university in the nation to offer
a scholarship for it. [ Laughter ] -Yeah, it's a two-year program that takes roughly 12 years
to complete. [ Applause ] Admission will be based on
combined scores from SATs, ACTs, and THCs.
[ Laughter and applause ] That's right.
It's the only scholarship that comes with a year's supply
of Flamin' Hot Cheetos. [ Laughter ] It's exciting on day one
when like, "Please meet the new head
of the cannabis board, Professor William Nelson." [ Laughter ] "When you graduate, you move
your braid to the left." [ Laughter ] That's a new joke, right?
-Come on, man. -Yeah, no one's made that joke.
-Willie Nelson's got braids. -Out of all of the Willie Nelson
jokes, no one's made that. -Willie Nelson known
for his love of cannabis. -First time it was ever made.
Yeah. Thank you, Higgins. -I didn't think
that got enough love. -Thank you. No, it did.
It got more than enough. Thank you.
-Oh, alright. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ] It's still getting love now. -Yeah, exactly.
[ Laughter ] -Well, this is strange. I heard about a prison
in Montana that's open to the public
for a very interesting activity. Listen to this. -Brave people
can spend the night at an old Montana prison. People can stay
for a ghost hunt. It lasts from 8:00 p.m.
to 5:00 a.m. They say not everyone is
guaranteed to see a ghost. It depends on the energy
that that person brings. [ Laughter ] -Hey, Jimmy, I think a spirit
from that Montana prison is communicating with me now. -Oh, really?
What -- What's it saying? -Well, it says -- Just a second. Oh, yeah. It's saying,
"All the guests for this are going to be
probably white people." [ Laughter and applause ] -I'm with you. I agree. I want to go. That sounds fun. And finally, a former Southwest
Airlines pilot is in trouble for exposing himself
during a flight. The pilot justified his actions
by saying his pants had been put on
a no-fly list.
