Trump Votes, Fake Melania & Barrett Confirmation

i'm jimmy i'm the host of the show thanks for not turning the tv off when you saw me oh wait no no we are now we are eight days away from something what i don't know nobody knows election day is a week from tomorrow we don't even know if we'll know who won on election day according to the polls joe biden has a big lead you know it's interesting the republicans keep saying don't pay attention to the polls we're going to win and the democrats keep saying don't pay attention to the polls there's a good chance we'll lose so finally something we agree on i guess the republican reelection strategy seems to be centered around making it as difficult as possible for us to vote in texas the governor even though we're in the middle of a pandemic banned additional mail-in drop-off boxes there's only one ballot drop box per county in texas the biggest county of texas has almost five million people one box for them the governor greg abbott is apparently worried that if each county has more than one ballot box people might put their ballots in them and have those ballots counted which could lead to democracy and then who knows what and of course trump because he needs an excuse if he loses keep screaming that the early voting effort is fixed by the government that he runs meanwhile guess who voted early ivanka trump today tweeted i'll give you one guess who we're voting for oh could it be the man bankrolling your life and there they are jared and ivanka with their mail-in ballots that go directly into the river the president himself decided to vote in person this time around for a change the president cast a vote of confidence for himself on saturday at a library in west palm beach guessing it was his first visit to the library trump usually votes by mail but he took the plane to florida to once again cast a big orange shadow of doubt on those who choose not to vote in person any complications in there no not much it was a very secure vote much more secure than when you send in a ballot i can tell you that everything was perfect very strict right by the rules when you send in your ballot could never be like that you could never be secure like that they've done a fantastic job over here great people inside this president who did you vote for today i voted for a guy named trump thank you very much everybody thank you melania voted for a guy named kanye trump was in the booth in the voting booth for 16 minutes what could possibly have taken him 16 minutes there's no way he voted on anything other than himself right i mean how long does it take to fill in a bubble next year it probably took him 30 seconds to vote for himself and 15 and a half minutes to soften his erection before he came out did you know that i didn't know this i learned this this weekend did you know donald trump calls his penis lou dobbs that's true and uh one other question i have because i'd like to see i want to see the top of that voting clip again now this is the library those are all dvds it's a huge dvd section there are hundreds of dvds in florida they put up signs that say library on all the old blockbuster video stores president first lady we're were tricker treating it up last night at the annual south lawn halloween bash no reason to cancel that trump did a fun thing though he had them turn off all the lights at the white house then he put eric and donald jr in a bucket on the porch with a sign saying please take both they did extra precautions this year because of covid while they handed out candy the children were disinfected for safety of course and you know you can't be too careful nowadays there you go it was oh sorry kid it was a family event guests older than two were required to wear a face covering which explains why the president did not the one holiday where everyone wears a mask still can't put one on president's busy rallying very hard he had a triple header in pennsylvania today on friday he stopped by the villages which is a retirement community in florida to warn seniors of the horrors the biden administration has planned biden's plan would mean america's seniors have no air conditioning during the summer and he will remove the orthotics from your shoes at least his lies are getting funnier yesterday regen or don was in londonderry new hampshire where all on their own the crowd came up with an exciting new chant i took something called regeneron the following morning i felt so good i felt like superman i wanted to get back i didn't want to cancel anything [Applause] now no we didn't want to be canceled super trump fatter than the speeding bullet able to bankrupt tall buildings with a single bound this was not super for trump not only is the president trailing joe biden among seniors he's also polling poorly among the deceased georgia may adkins died of a stroke on september 28th an obituary published in the saint paul pioneer press included in lieu of flowers georgia preferred that you do not vote for trump good for georgia florida listen to georgia will you it was her dying wish the main event in washington today was the confirmation of judge amy coney barrett who is america's next top supreme court justice tilting the balance of the court even heavier to the right mitch mcconnell rushed this one through faster than his morning dunklex kicks in he republicans made a big power grab before an election that could very well wipe out their majority in the senate you know usually when this many white people get together for one last heist it's an ocean 11 movie but our oceans 11 movie right guillermo that's right that one up all right mike pence did not as was planned preside over the confirmation because at least five of his aides have tested positive for covet 19. even mike pence's aides has coveted 19. i don't know what that means fortunately the vice president himself tested negative again as far as we know the virus cannot be transmitted between humans and poodles so he should be okay any but even though pence is surrounded by highly infectious people he's still out on the road the white collar comedy tour was in lakeland florida this weekend slaying the crowds the way only mike pence can he's not going to tell the american people whether he'll pack the court until months after the election well to borrow a phrase come on man then he did clinton he did austin powers his pb herman is incredible he's very gifted meanwhile the white house's new plan to stop the virus is to stop trying to stop it yesterday trump's chief of staff mark meadows went on cnn and he admitted to jake tapper he said we're not going to control the pandemic of course trump contradicted him not even 24 hours later he said just the opposite absolutely the opposite which is interesting because president hasn't even had a meeting with the kova task force in months this is like if you were drowning and refused to meet with the lifeguard this is ridiculous cases are surging like they haven't before but donald trump is sick and tired of hearing about it it started off covered coming coming covered covered covered kovacova carving covered cove and covered government government provide coveted 19 columns you know what i think i figured it out he's jealous of the virus he's upset that kovat is getting more attention than he is melania trump has recovered and is expected to hit the campaign trail tomorrow the real melania not the fake one everybody was tweeting about did you see this over the weekend uh people were going nuts over this photo of melania boarding marine one the helicopter a lot of tweeters were convinced this is a body double the alarm went off when they saw her smiling which is this is what melania would look like if she was married to anyone else melania is headlining a campaign event in pennsylvania tomorrow she'll be sharing a stage with kellyanne conway while the president spends the day dancing with himself [Music] he hears he hears young man and he assumes they're singing about him so he gets you know this going the idea that that is his anthem is incredible to me you know almost every song they play at these rallies is puzzling to say the least and i wanted to know more about who is choosing these songs for the president's playlist so we did some investigating and we were able to get in touch with trump's music coordinator and he's with us tonight please welcome a rally dj rod trainer hello rod rod oh how you doing hey good what's up yeah i was just spinning some hot tracks on the ones and twos okay the ones and twos i can see that so so dj rod you are the guy who picks the songs for trump's rallies oh thank you no no that wasn't uh that wasn't really a compliment i was just asking if you were the guy oh yeah yeah that's me my job is to get the president's supporters so pumped that they rip off their face masks and throw them in the air like they just don't care well that doesn't sound very safe from a virus standpoint oh man you sound like one of those doctors we're always ignoring yeah well okay anyway i'm just i'm curious about the music you picked take us through some of your go-to rally songs oh yeah i'd be happy to yeah i'll show you this oh this is a great one that really gets the crowd going man you ever hear this creedence clear water revivals fortunate son of course some folks are born made to wave the flag yeah that red white and blue but hold on isn't that a song about uh rich kids whose parents got him out of serving in vietnam people like president trump i don't think so no what do you think it's about well i've i've always heard it as a song about don jr you know like how fortunate he is to be the son of the best dad ever meeting donald trump that is unfortunate and eric no in fact i heard aaron the lead singer of the song john fogerty wrote it said it's about what i said it was about oh really yeah oops daisy yeah that's a whoops all right huh yeah i guess the president was right he i am a unworthy of love what he said that to you many times he always pokes me in the chest when he does it too oh no he pops on me on purpose i'm very sorry to hear that that's not nice at all but don't you read the lyrics from the songs before you play them at these rallies what is this reading rainbow songs are from rocket not reading if that's okay with you levar burton okay fine listen what are some of the other songs you're playing at these rallies just the usual you know great songs sympathy for the devil bad moon rising everybody hurts you can't always get what you want it's the end of the world as we know it but rod don't you see any irony uh with the name at least the titles of the songs you just mentioned no i do not and i don't even know what irony is hey you know what else i play but just to show people how strong and heterosexual our president is lately i've been playing macho man by the village people yeah yes i have heard that and i've also heard ymca but have you ever like even looked at the album cover no not really i only look at the back cover because i want to know the titles of the songs and how long they are yeah take a look at the front of that and then tell me what you know hit you that's interesting yeah you don't suppose uh yes might be uh yes i do suppose that yeah yeah yeah okay that's yeah at least a few of them so that's why i thought it was a little odd that was the guy that made me think so first and then i was like maybe him too yeah anyway yeah that's interesting yeah okay and rod yeah jimmy yeah there's a cop in there yeah cop so the blue lives matter crowd could get jiggy with that yeah okay all right now with all these big crowds singing along to your songs with no masks on are you worried about getting sick oh well yeah i guess a little bit but whenever i do man i just relax by playing my favorite phil collins song in the air tonight i gotta queued up right now let's go yeah you hear that jimmy uh no we don't hear uh anything and what's that in fact the needle isn't even on the uh record there on the turntable yeah so that's yeah yeah no this is one of the new turntables they don't need needles you don't need the needle they're there comes the drum solo needless turntables now all right i'm going to leave you rob thank you for your time i appreciate it oh and look your dogs are good thanks for watching if you liked that video click the subscribe button and if you didn't like it will you hurt my feelings

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,477,082

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Trump, Donald Trump, POTUS, 2020 election, Polls, Texas, Ballot Boxes, Greg Abbott, Jared Kushner, Ivanka Trump, Mail-in ballots, Halloween bash, White House, Trump rally, Joe Biden, Judge Amy Coney Barrett, Mike Pence, Super Trump, Melania Trump, Andy Daly, Trump music Advisor, Village people, CCR

Id: BhTFfL-RXxg

Length: 14min 16sec (856 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 26 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/RandolphPringles]

Is that the dog we heard on Bonanas for Bonanza?

[u/[deleted]]

Andy should be due at least ten hours of Netflix specials based on this.