Losing Isn’t Easy, Especially for Donald Trump

[Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] thank you thank you very much enough with that not only are we taking the white house back we're taking that song back too thank you thank you very much oh that was uncomfortable everybody thank you for joining in tonight i'm jimmy i'm the host i'm the captain of the dance team here at the show for the first time in about four years it's looking like there's no need to feel down ding dong the witch hunt is almost dead the winged monkeys are about to fly out of the white house the cowardly liars hitting the yellow brick road i don't know about you but i would not want to be donald trump's my pillow tonight he is liable to chew right through that thing what a day for the president pennsylvania georgia turned out to be bluer than mitch mcconnell's hands the presumptive president-elect joe biden addressed the nation tonight and this is unprecedented a spokesperson for joe biden said the united states government is perfectly capable of escorting trespassers out of the white house in other words hit the road mar-a-lardo you're gone that's right imagine if he got charged with trespassing on top of everything else in the event that trump does have to be removed from the white house this is how they'll do it by the biggest trade you've ever seen my underpants are going right up they go out through the roof we're doing incredible wedgie oh i can see my own hotel yeah and uh well there you go the end is near they're still tallying up the votes in a few states the results are not looking good for kanye west that's for sure or for his friend donald what i want to know is why is counting these ballots taking so long this is longer we had to wait between seasons of game of thrones what went on in with nevada even florida was able to get their votes counted on time their state bird is a lizard nevada is the only place in the world where it takes six days to count 50 000 votes two seconds to lose 50 thousand dollars it's ridiculous and how about alaska they still haven't finished counting how many votes could there be couldn't they just ask for a show of mittens we have robots mopping our floors but we're still counting votes like we're picking up prom queen in high school the silver lining uh though of having to wait this long is it's been very very good for wolf blitzer's fitbit jon you fixed that map for us we're watching it closely uh this is still a nail biter got a lot going on you gotta look at all these battleground states and give us a sense of the latest we're looking at the suburbs in kentucky john it's pretty significant what's going on you know florida and georgia two very critically important states we're looking at all these races 89 right now very very early but totally expected big picture where we are right now wisconsin a little while ago lots of excitement going on but let's take a look at the big picture let's go back to john king over at the magic wall john the wolf is on the hunt and by the way john king has been fondling that wall for 72 hours straight now it's like hands on a hard body without the truck the writing is is on that wall and mexico still refuses to pay for it but abra scam lincoln is not going to go quietly he's moving on his second term like a they say trump is planning to carry on with business as usual as if he won the election he's expected to continue firing people tweeting ignoring the virus and watching tv basically all the stuff he's been doing all along and this is good fox news has put out a memo instructing their anchors not to call joe biden president-elect even after the network calls the race for biden which i don't know i'm planning to do the opposite i'm not even going to call him former president trump i don't want to be reminded of any of this i will be calling him former pizza hut spokesman donald trump or future reverse mortgage spokesman donald trump trump and his minions continue to claim he was robbed you know when he plays golf on the scorecard he just writes down any number he wants and he can't understand why they won't let him do that for this it's nuts apparently these people were totally unprepared for losing which why i don't know everyone else was very prepared for them losing and i get that he's upset and wants to take us all down with him i just don't understand why anyone else would go along with that it's like we're all on the bus from speed and half the passengers voted against keanu reeves it makes no sense part of the reason why this is so hard for donald trump to swallow is because he went around telling everyone how easy it will be to beat joe biden i'm running against the single worst candidate in the history of presidential politics and you know what that does that puts more pressure on me can you imagine if you lose to a guy like this imagine it i've been touching myself to it for a month now fortunately we don't have to imagine it matter of fact i say we impeach him again just for old time's sake before he leaves what the hell a handful of prominent republicans have begun to distance themselves from trump's plan to squat the government including mitch mcconnell who tweeted here's how this must work in our great country every legal vote should be counted any illegally submitted ballots must not all sides must get to observe the process and the courts are here to apply the laws and resolve disputes that's how americans votes decide the result trump also got a shout out from his pal mitt romney who wrote the president is within his rights to request recounts blah blah blah he is wrong to say that the election is rigged corrupt and stolen doing so damages the cause of freedom here and around the world weakens the institutions that lie at the foundation of the republic and recklessly inflames destructive and dangerous passions that's the closest mitt romney gets to writing porn but it's right and what's going on is wrong trump's stupid sons keep tweeting stupid things totally irresponsible things they know this election wasn't rigged and for those who keep saying the democrats cheated i want to remind you that in order to prevent people other than him from voting by mail donald trump had the post office uproot mailboxes okay he's embarrassed and desperate and here's the thing losing is never fun especially for a guy like donald trump but he did say we'd get tired of all the winning and look he was right we did i think donald trump needs to look at the bright side millions of people voted for him tens of millions of people he finished second he got the silver medal it's not so bad being number two it's pretty good ivanka's your number two kid we know she's your favorite clay aiken was number two justin guarini was number two when was the last time you took a test and they required a number one pencil never alexander hamilton came in second in a duel he went on to star in a major broadway musical there are a million great number twos barney rubble mashed potatoes chong tanto oats you ever hear of r2d1 of course not embrace it you're number two you're a steaming pile of number two and you should be happy about that right guillermo is that what it is in spanish i didn't know all right you know there's a lot of nonsense going on right now there are protests outside ballot county centers bomb threats altered videos i guess the idea is that this is part of a widespread conspiracy by the democrats to steal the presidency but if this was a democrat conspiracy it wouldn't have included six more years of mitch mcconnell there's one like string going around right now that republican votes were not being counted for people who filled their ballots in with a sharpie that's true they're saying dead people voted they're saying the ballots had some kind of secret watermark on them and i'm sure there are many of these crackpot theories to come but it makes me wonder who comes up with them like someone's thinking of that stuff it just doesn't appear out of thin air and we looked into it it turns out there's a guy who works for the white house whose job he's in charge of conspiracies his name is eric stennerwalt and he's with us right now actually hello eric hey hey hey jimmy or should i say jimmy no you should just say jimmy i'm jimmy just regular oh yeah are you really jimmy or are you a hyper realistic three-dimensional hologram created by the gay illuminati no i'm i'm just jimmy and even if there was a gay illuminati why would they make a hologram of me what what good would that do yeah i don't know i'm just riffing you know just coming up with stuff but there's something there hang on let me write that down gay hologram kimmel oh i don't hate it okay well listen eric so you are the one who comes up with these uh shall we say colorful conspiracy theories well not as much as i used to actually because i'm the head guy now so i don't get to write as much which really sucks because my staff has given me a bunch of crap well why are they giving you crap you know these millennials they're so lazy oh look at this that kind of crap yeah look at this one here just this one just got sent to me today malians from the crab nebula are putting their testicles in our nectarines what the hell am i supposed to do with this i don't know that's uh that's outlandish yeah right i mean first of all nectarines are a stone fruit they are out of season and number two how do you put your testicles in a nectarine two very good points but you're working on these these things all day long like constantly i am you know every once in a while i have an idea i'll try to i try to keep my hand and i got a good one right now that i'm working on check this out did you know that you see this name right here you recognize that name yes if you mix up and rearrange the letters of joe biden's name you get something that is going to amaze you okay it spells i boned ej okay um who so who's ej who's ej ej elton john rocket man kim jong-un it's right there in front of our eyes i bow dj oh yeah you're more obvious eric are you ever ashamed of yourself uh to be spreading this stuff listen i started q anon out of my garage with nothing but an old dell laptop a wayfarer cabinet full of kids and two cranked up paranoid schizophrenics and now jimmy it's a thriving online family with millions of men and women trading anti-semitic memes and going through tom hanks's garbage it's really quite beautiful yeah community yeah yeah but it's a community of lies you're spreading lies about people come on stop it what is a lie a lie is just a truth that you don't believe what uh yeah that's that doesn't make any sense but that's okay well maybe maybe something that doesn't make sense is something that does make sense that you haven't made sense of yet uh besides i guess the libs are doing exactly the same thing all the time like what about this story about putin engaging in a massive disinformation campaign to elect trump come on well that that happened you know trump's own intelligence agencies uncovered that that didn't happen oh sure okay oh well all right then what about uh this thing about how the right-wing militants are plotting to kidnap the governor of wisconsin well it was not wisconsin it was michigan and i think the fbi arrested like six people for that oh did you see the fbi arrest them no but i read that they yeah you didn't right how do you know they did as a matter of fact how do you even know there is an fbi you know what happens when you rearrange the letters in fbi no i don't weekend trying to work this one out check this out okay it becomes fib ah it's still fib uh okay yes i know it does yeah there's really only one option there yeah yeah yeah well you know it now yeah i explained it to you yeah what about the secret republican plot to take away people's health care coverage who came up with that that's not a secret pod they're arguing that before the supreme court next week oh jimmy poor gullible can't get an erection without 5g jimmy don't you understand i guess not i don't know no no it doesn't matter if the conspiracy is true like isn't the world just a little more interesting place if there are two millennials i think it is but there aren't two melanias it's ridiculous yeah well of course there aren't two melanias there are 200 of her yes trump is building a clone army of cyborg melania's in secret laboratories buried under his country clubs that's why he's always golfing so wait you're saying there are 200 melanias that's right and none of them will him wow that's that i find a little easier now one of them but why because the president's plan is to unleash them to conquer the world the only person who could have stopped him was the real james bond oh what sean connery he had to be taken care of oh my god well that's true i hope that's not true it's def oh it's absolutely true and it was easy i said too much yeah i've said way too much i should go i got to get this voter fraud conspiracy thing done in time for fox and friends tomorrow oh you're working with fox and friends okay well that's exciting oh yeah yeah yeah yeah check this out do you know what you get when you rearrange the name steve ducey i did not decoys vote oh my god sometimes i even scare myself okay thank you eric that's eric stennerwalt thank you so much for an illuminating stroll through queuing on thanks for watching if you liked that video click the subscribe button and if you didn't like it you hurt my feelings

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 5,032,356

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Trump, Donald Trump, POTUS, 2020 election, election polls, Republicans, Democrats, Presidential race, Joe Biden, Trump tweets, Election day, YMCA, Wolf Blitzer, Pizza Hut, Mitch McConnell, Mitt Romney, Andy Daly, White House, Conspiracy Head Writer

Id: O2ECkVCEKtU

Length: 15min 27sec (927 seconds)

Published: Fri Nov 06 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/Mudfap]

They censored his hand motion? C’mon man.

[u/Buckle_Sandwich]

I feel like this guy would have a very interesting conversation with Dalton Wilcox and Mutt Taylor. Next Bonusnanza?

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Also: "Eric Stenerwalt" is "Newt Steal Crier," and Newt Gingrich just kidnapped a crying baby! Coincidence? I think not!

[u/bel_roygbiv_devoe]

Can someone with eagle eyes tell us any of the fun stuff in Daly’s shelves back there?