Trump Desperately Tries to Keep Job He Doesn't Even Do

i'm jimmy i'm the host thank you for watching thank you for joining us on uh what is this week three of our election night coverage it is now day 20 of squattergate and we still haven't seen the president concede we've barely even seen the president on saturday they had a virtual g20 summit with leaders from 19 other countries instead of participating in that trump was busy tweeting 13 minutes into the summit he took a break to write the fake news is not talking about the fact that kovid in quotes for no reason is running wild all over the world not just in the u.s i was at the virtual g20 meeting early this morning and the biggest subject was coveted no kidding saint kovan is the biggest subject of the g20 is like saying i was at the uh oscars all they talked about was movies it was ridiculous and then he skipped the session that was devoted to pandemic response to play golf again you can see here his caravan of golf carts there he is uh ain't doing jack nicklaus is at it he's as graceful as a dump truck he golfed on saturday and sunday this weekend i've never seen a guy try so hard to keep a job he doesn't even do this is his schedule today this is his public schedule no public events again nothing just some eating and some private screaming into a my pillow on friday he did do something on friday he attempted to interfere with the election personally he invited the senate majority leader and speaker of the house for the state of michigan to the white house for some bigly buttering up that didn't work because today the michigan board of canvassers certified the results officially declaring joe biden the winner of michigan trump had another big loss in pennsylvania too his so-called elite strike force of lawyers has been striking out steel team 6 is now 1 and 35 in court nbc news reports today that trump is concerned that his legal team is made up of fools that are making him look bad all right they said the same thing about you one of his new characters was introduced last week and then killed off suddenly this weekend her name is sydney powell she's lawyer she was pushing a conspiracy theory that said the governor of georgia who's both a republican and a big trump supporter was bribed by the voting machine company to throw the election to joe biden i guess that was too much even for donald trump because a week after he welcomed sydney powell to what he described as a truly great legal team the campaign put out a statement saying sydney powell is practicing law on her own she is not a member of the trump legal team she's also not a lawyer for the president in his personal capacity he put it's a real crackerjack team of attorneys he put together here in that he appears to actually have found them in boxes of cracker jacks the lead attorney working for trump on the recount in wisconsin a guy named jim troupus said he wants all in-person absentee ballots to be thrown out which is interesting because he and his wife voted absentee ballots in person so when reporters asked him about it he refused to answer this is incredible this is no longer just hypocrisy this is the hypocrites this is uh this election is over trump should concede and get on with the transition everyone knows that after his gsa administrator finally signed off on the transition today after weeks of dragging her feet the president did open the door just to crack to a transition um at this point trump is like a dog that's afraid to get in the car because he doesn't want to go to the vet so the question is how do we get him out of the white house and i think i have a great idea i have another great idea all right let's hear it we want to hear it i know the other ones didn't pan out but we trick them okay we send him to a city that specializes in building replicas of famous landmarks the eiffel tower the pyramids of egypt the circus of circus you know what i'm saying what i'm saying we do is we build trump his own white house in las vegas right on the strip it's not that difficult first we build a white house quietly then we swap out his adderall with ambien the minute he conks out we load him onto air force one head straight to mccarran airport he wakes up he's right there in the oval office but even better because this oval office has slot machines in it he'd love it the weather would be better plenty of golf he'd be an elevator or ride away from strippers hookers the whole thing the white house hotel and casino if ever there was a workable plan post-presidency this is it introducing siegfried and trump think about it thank you we need to do something i you know i don't necessarily believe in signs but at the same time trump is attacking the foundation of our democracy there was a mudslide in south dakota a big mudslide and you can see the guys are not amused okay there are more new covet cases in trump sylvania andrew giuliani son of rudy and a special assistant to the president has covered and this guy has it too you may have seen it by now but uh apparently i got the rona apparently i got the verona why do bad things keep happening to good people i just don't if you refer to it as the rhona you might not deserve to get the virus but you do deserve to get it more than anybody else does dj tj will isolate for 14 days on his favorite stump you ever read the book the giving tree well that terrible boy has come to life it's interesting that donnie j got it because just last month he said the number of cova deaths in the united states was almost nothing which also happens to be the title of his autobiography almost nothing meanwhile trump's son number two might soon be the first lady of north carolina eric trump's wife laura is said to be mulling a run for the senate in the tar heel state laura trump if you don't know is one of these women i'm not sure which she's one of these women she's from north carolina it's weird because i never considered lara trump to be from anywhere i just assumed someone left a a box of parts from broken bratz dolls in the the playroom of a mega church and somehow it came to life but this is exciting senator lara trump what american citizen wouldn't want to be represented in congress by the wife of the only trump son who still wets the bet we are now only three days away from the strangest thanksgiving of our lives last week the cdc urged americans not to travel so of course uh we're traveling the airports are absolutely packed at chicago o'airport this is sky harbor in phoenix arizona what do they expect we're the same people they had to tell not to eat tide pods but here's what's so crazy you know every year we look for an excuse to get out of spending thanksgiving with our families we finally now have one and everyone's complaining embrace it how much cranberry jell-o can you eat the safest way to celebrate obviously is to stay home and video chat with your family zoom is even lifting their free 40-minute time limit on thanksgiving so families can talk for as long as they like great don't tell anyone tell my family about this okay we need a time limit otherwise thanksgiving goes right into christmas guillermo what is your plan for thanksgiving you stay at home with my wife and my son just stay at home just the three of you yes who will be cooking uh my wife your wife will be cooking will she make a turkey no she will not no we don't like turkey tomorrow you don't like turkey no she'll be cooking chicken at one time oh we're making chicken yeah yes now correct me if i'm wrong didn't you used to go to boston market and get a chicken jimmy uh is out of business right now is that a business yeah they're out of business they close it [Applause] [Laughter] see i wanted to ask you and i'll tell you why i wanted to ask because last year i asked you if you were going to go to boston market and you denied ever having gone to boston market for chicken uh no i did i went wow one time i went oh how fast can we get that tape from last year also i know guillermo's got some special christmas decorations on oh yes i put it last night i put it yesterday okay so this is a video guillermo texted to danny one of our writers here and let's take a look hi danny what's going on look i got my baby yoda here and there over there [Music] i think that's rtb22 and that guy i don't remember who it is but he's from star wars look at the guy and text me who it is thanks danny that's your heart yeah that's my guy yes you put all that stuff up yeah yesterday who did it you and my wife and my son wow all that star you were star wars crazy yeah thanks to my son attends to my good friend danny oh danny got you into star wars yeah well he got me to watch the movies and everything how much was all of that stuff uh i think my wife paid like like what like uh 400 and something 400 yeah by the way we looked up the prices for all of those items quite a bit more than 400 dollars yeah oh yeah you sure she i text her i swear i got it you say oh like 450. i believe that she lied to you i don't that i'm not yeah i'm not questioning that oh my god does she love star wars also actually right now yes because of my son yes we watched all the star wars movie mandalorian and everything yeah well i would hope so yes we we love stars you remember jesus the guy the christmas guy yeah what happened to him no i gotta put him next weekend oh okay step by step r2d2 chewbacca bb8 jesus yes no no i appreciate it next weekend i spent the whole day doing that so i didn't i didn't have time for jesus and santa claus yeah well explain it to jesus anyway what we're trying to say is please be safe this holiday season but if you're looking for an even more high-tech way then zoom to make your thanksgiving festive and family-friendly you might want to take a look at this thanksgiving without your family is tough but thankfully there's a solution uncle rental oh tofu on thanksgiving what is this vegan crap wow it's like uncle dean is really here uncle rental is here to make thanksgiving great again with over 6 000 ignorant sayings oh this is that mr rogers movie i love tom hanks tom hanks is a pedo drinks children's blood i learned it on facebook and uncle rental is completely customizable adjust the bigot spigot to set your uncle's racism level as high or low as you like from microaggression halle berry's my favorite actress why'd you feel the need to tell me that to full-on stephen miller i say nuke them and let god sort them out okay that's way too high in this country we speak english perfect how is that perfect what's it smell your synthetic uncle releases lifelike odors mimicking the sensory experience of an authentic uncle visit i think he's drunk tell all the legal votes corona is a hoax wake up sheeple uncle rental from the makers of homophobic nana gays available at walgreens you should put those in two weeks thanks for watching if you liked that video click the subscribe button and if you didn't like it will you hurt my feelings

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 3,147,715

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Trump, Donald Trump, POTUS, 2020 election, Presidential race, Joe Biden, Trump tweets, White House, Squattergate, G-20 Summit, Trump Legal Team, Sidney Powell, Jim Troupis, DJTJ, Donald Trump Jr, Laura Trump, Airports, Uncle Rental, Thanksgiving, Michigan, Guillermo, Starwars

Id: 7losS2kf_OM

Length: 12min 52sec (772 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 24 2020