Even Vladimir Putin & Mitch McConnell Know Trump Lost

we are coming to you from los angeles home of the number one and two highest paid celebrities in the world the end of the year lists are here every year forbes puts out a list of the hundred celebrities who made the most money and for this year 2020 the number one highest earning celebrity any guesses who is maybe oprah tyler perry adam sandler guillermo the rock the rock is not correct the highest paid celebrity of the year for 2020 is kylie jenner wow she's one of the uh them you know the uh the family kylie jenner took home 590 million dollars this year you know how she did it she knits sweaters and she sells them on etsy right behind kylie at a distant number two with 170 million dollars in earnings is her half brother-in-law kanye west kanye did well while running for president some of his money came from music some came from adidas but a lot of it came more than half actually came from his wife every night kim pays him two million dollars to stop yelling and go to bed so kylie is number one and kanye's number two kim was only number 48 on she only made 49 million dollars this year she's poor guy she's really poor what do these people do again i don't this year the fourth most popular member of the kardashian family made more money than lebron james has made playing basketball in his whole life i'm starting to think maybe my lips aren't plump enough president trump did not make the list this year i'm sure he loves that donald trump could use a good spanking from a forbes magazine right now this is day 42 of squattergate the trump train has a lot of empty seats today yesterday the electoral college made it official for joe biden and some republicans have finally started to congratulate joe for winning an election he won six weeks ago even that turtle-faced son of a mitch mcconnell took a break from blocking covert relief to congratulate biden today mcconnell said as of this morning our country officially has a president-elect as if we hadn't had one for the 40 more things before that but these people they're so scared of donald trump most of them still refuse to acknowledge what is very clear to everyone that joe biden is the next president one republican in the house paul mitchell of michigan announced yesterday that he's so upset about this enabling of trump's bogus claims of election fraud he's leaving the republican party he's an independent now so not only are republicans losing paul mitchell in that spot they're also losing the friends and family discount on all his hair care products this must have been a punch in the macrib joe biden got a congratulatory message today from trump's kg bff sugar vlady putin put out a statement acknowledging biden's victory he said for my part i am ready for cooperation and contacts with you which should be easy because russia just hacked all of our contacts but wait if putin's offering a congratulatory handshake to joe biden then what is trump eating pellets out of it was kind of strange watching the coverage yesterday it was like watching an old world series on espn classic first of all as far as i know the electoral college has never been televised before certainly not on cnn because usually they're mind-numbingly boring and the outcome is already known but nothing is normal anymore and this time around some of the electors i guess knew they were going to be on tv they had one last chance to give trump a little stroke before he goes so they put on a show this guy is an elector from texas who describes himself on twitter as a christian conservative sportsman and jeweler and get a load of how giddy he is it is my honor to report to you that we have finished tallying the votes for the presidential electors of the pres of the state of texas and the vote totals are as follows all 38 votes for president donald j trump for president of the united states of america wow that is that is a one happy loser [Applause] maybe he'll be our attorney general next month who knows um why these people think trump still has a chance i have no idea but our el capitan bed keeps telling him he's gonna win this morning he wrote tremendous evidence pouring in on voter fraud there has never been anything like this in our country that's true that part is true but the rest was immediately flagged by twitter i can't twitter i can't believe they're still bothering to put up the little warning under every one of his bogus tweets at this point why not just post a banner at the top of the whole feed that says this space is condemned like it or not 36 days from now we will have a new president but don't tell white house press secretary kaley macaroni because she seems to think they're there to stay now that the electoral college has voted does the president acknowledge that joe biden is the president-elect the president is still involved in ongoing litigation related to the election i will leave that to him and refer you to the campaign for more on that litigation reaction to uh leader mcconnell today congratulating joe biden and calling him the president-elect i haven't gotten the president's reaction to that yet but the president again is pursuing ongoing litigation would refer you to the campaign for further and by the way you know who the spokesperson for the campaign is her she is on that i will refer you to myself i think the subtext there was when the president stops throwing legos and punching little holes in the wall i'll ask him about it but until then i'm not going to yesterday we learned that attorney general bill barr is stepping down but trump still has plenty of only the best people in his corner including his main man mike lindell the ceo of my pillow has been out there lindell in it like it is so many votes came in for our president that the algorithms and machines broke in 11 15. they shut everything down at the exact same time which is impossible that somebody had to order that i'm going to call my hand fraud and i'm going to call my foot that there was no fraud all nine of those supreme court justices are going to vote 9-0 because they here's your is that a hand or a foot and they're going to go it's a hand well why is there a shoe on it thanks my pillow guy no go now go back to sleep please crack is a hell of a drug isn't it meanwhile uh president-elect biden is stalking his cabinet today he announced a notable nominee for secretary of transportation none other than mayor pete buttigieg who uh you can see here he loves transportation running his little buddha choo choo around the track if confirmed by the senate mayor pete will be the first openly lgbtq cabinet secretary and the first cabinet secretary who can actually fit in the cabinet which is nice you know who else is said to be plotting her political future ivanka trump ivanka trump is reportedly thinking about running for u.s senate in florida where she and jared just bought a luxurious home the trump's trying to become a dynasty i guess not a political dynasty uh a dynasty like the old show where women fight in water fountains but some critics say ivanka lacks experience to represent a state at the national level and those critics are right she does but what she lacks in knowledge and experience she makes up for in beans glorious goya beans so looks like the trumps are about to move on marco rubio like an elf on the shelf we are barreling towards the most depressing holiday season of our lives santa is behind plexiglass this year the elves are wearing n95 masks we'll miss her our families at christmas we'll also miss our holiday parties at work unless you work at the white house those parties have been canceled but one company is turning this unfortunate situation into opportunity as the pandemic rages on americans are missing yet another time-honored holiday tradition the office party that one magic night to get drunk in your cubicle it'll have to wait another year or does it introducing the office party party box everything you need to have a corporate celebration in the safety of home each office party party box includes eggnog no name rum and a premium red plastic cup a white elephant gift you'll immediately throw away but that's not all carol's just above room temperature deviled eggs and enough weed for a single hit in the third floor bathroom plus a cd with 90 minutes of a co-workers conversation you want nothing to do with i've been getting gluten out of my diet and i think it's really helping with my eczema so crack a few cold ones turn up the manheim steamroller and get ready to party like your boss is paying for it the office party party box please enjoy responsibly side effects may include dwi's hr violations or angela the receptionist impregnation the office party party box available wherever yankee candles are sold all right where are those though you know every year around this time uh there's a group a consumer advocacy group called world against toys causing harm or watch they release their most dangerous toys list for parents and right now guillermo is going to take us through some of the worst offenders it is time for dangerous toy warnings with guillermo [Music] thanks jimmy here are some of the worst toys you can give to your kids for christmas [Music] [Applause] happy hanukkah gary happy hanukkah i'm not gary you're silly all right i'm the hanacorn the magical hanukkah unicorn i wish i could be with you in person but i don't want to catch orona virus is uh this is one of our writers gary greenberg and for the past seven hanukkahs he's run into the studio and interrupted the monologue with this ridiculous character he came up with but not tonight gary we have a lot of safety precautions in place this year so i'm sorry we don't have time but i was born in a manger in the kitchen of the carnegie okay gary goodbye um thank you gary once again it is time for guillermo with the most dangerous toys okay jimmy some of the toys you are about to see might disturb you viewers discretion is advice the first then your choice is my first machote [Applause] these toys are dangerous shalom shalom everybody [Applause] stallone already what is going on here why are you back i'm back with exciting news jimila i have definitive proof that the hanukkorn is real yes you say that you say that every year but you never really have proof have you ever seen the 1964 holiday classic rudolph the red nosed reindeer yes a hundred times i've seen it and there's no hana corn in it at all ah that's because the conicorn deniers cut me out but i just went on youtube and dug up the original uncircumcised version you did do you guys want to see it no they don't want to here's the scene where santa meets rudolph for the first time roll it aren't you a cute one great bouncing babushkas now i'm sure it'll stop as soon as he grows up let's hope so if he wants to make my team someday have you met my other son he's special too hi santa i'm honeycorn the hanukkah unicorn [Applause] [Music] i can help schlep the sleigh too as long as my back holds up jerusalem what's the deal with his nose what you've never seen a schnoz before by the way it's very drafty in here [Applause] does anybody have a shawl i rest my case [Applause] i rest my case you do i do first of all santa is not anti-semitic oh so he just forgets to bring toys to jewish kids open your eyes man right and and secondly and secondly that clip is clearly doctored that's and that was not in the original special oh so now we're all doctors no that's not what i said all right gary thank you good night no no no no no jimmy please can i just play one more clip this bit cost me an arm and a hoof all right all right then you promise you'll leave us alone i swear we have more dangerous toys to worry to warn people about i swear i'm my boobies titsus okay roll the clips rudolph your nose can guide us to the storm christmas is back on [Applause] santa can i come too i have eight times as many lights see [Music] i'm so sorry chanakorn no jews allowed too much liability let's go rudolph more like adolf am i right and away merry christmas to all except for the you know whose who needs santa and his sleigh i'm gonna deliver i'm gonna deliver treats to all the jewish kids by myself [Music] light em up menorah [Music] hey kids who wants condition here you go here you go bombs away watch your head you wouldn't want a canish concussion and so the legend of the hanakorn was born the talkus [Applause] where is the hana corn where did the haunted horn go i got canisius who wants one finish oh [Music] [Applause] wow and the full-size ones too thanks hanukkorn you're a real men john thanks for watching if you liked that video click the subscribe button and if you didn't like it you will you hurt my feelings

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,001,284

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, Celebrities, Kylie Jenner, Kanye West, Forbes Magazine, Donald Trump, Squattergate, Electoral College, 2020 Election, Joe Biden, Mitch McConnell, Paul Mitchell, Putin, Trump Tweets, Kayleigh McEnany, Bill Barr, Pete Buttigieg, Ivanka Trump, Goya Beans, Most Dangerous Toys, Chanucorn, Gery Greenberg

Id: BxOZ4i7kL3E

Length: 16min 0sec (960 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 16 2020