Trump Emerges for Crazy Self-Love Fest at CPAC

thank you for watching oh we've got a lot to get to eddie murphy and arsenio are standing by but first don't get too excited the return of the mythical creature known as donald trump who was at cpac yesterday which sounds like the antibiotic you might get after being exposed to ted cruz in a hot tub but it's not it's the conservative political action conference where things got off to a magnificent start was still there oh say doesn't that start spangled [Applause] [Music] of the frame [Music] [Applause] and that was the best part of the whole thing that was that was the highlight the main event was fibarachi himself after weeks of hibernation donald trump emerged from hiding he was more than an hour late getting started but once he got on stage not only was the magic back he was surprisingly diplomatic some might even say supportive of his successor in the white house joe biden has had the most disastrous first month of any president in modern history that's true so says the president who spent his first month arguing over crowd size ordering a muslim ban rage tweeting the woman's march firing sally yates mocking arnold schwarzenegger for ratings on the apprentice and golfing six times but the elvis went on and and on and on and on for more than 90 minutes he was yelling my wife was yelling at me for watching him you know it's kind of like it's kind of like that show dr pimple popper all this disgusting stuff keeps coming out and you're like oh my god when is this going to end but until it does you can't look away that's him that's donald trump he was in good spirits he was ready to reminisce he even shared warm wishes from melania when i made the first remarks when i came down the escalator with our great future first lady who says hello who loves you as much as i love you which is not at all not interesting which is you could all fall into the sea and neither one of us would bat an eye but it was quite a self-love fest highlighted by trump's delightful delusion that he is more beloved than ronald reagan we had 56 unbelievable packed rallies and nobody's ever had anything like we had it we started hearing we love you and i asked somebody you know because we really liked ronald reagan right he was a great president we had others but i said did anybody ever say that to ronald reagan or to any of our great and to the best of all of these political professionals knowledge and pollsters nobody's ever heard that chant before man so it's an honor it's believe me it's an honor one i am very humbled by he is something else he's competitive with dead people it's crazy trump also took shots at the supreme court he said they didn't have the guts or courage to overturn the election which that's the draft dodger who can't open his own diet cokes is talking about guts and courage and of course the big question many have been asking is will trump run again and the answer is maybe probably okay yes but who knows who knows i may even decide to beat them for a third time okay didn't germany say the same thing after world war ii now look at this crowd and i want you to watch uh this guy here going this guy yeah going absolutely bananas over this just jumping up and down like his cheer squad won i don't regionals never been that excited about anything in my whole life he's never gonna love you eric anyway let's you know what let's just give donald trump florida and say goodbye let's cut it right here there are a lot of crazy speeches but trump outcrazed all of them which was no mean fee considering that one of the speakers is part of a japanese cult that believes its founder is an alien from venus and another was don jr but to his credit trump did urge everyone to get vaccinated he did not mention that he got vaccinated in himself the new york times reported that donald and melania were vaccinated at the white house in january why they would need a vaccine for a virus that disappeared that washed away on its own last summer i don't know they probably had to vaccinate him by covering the needle and peanut butter and making him eat it and as far as we know trump did not get paid to speak at cpac even though it is a for-profit event they sell all kinds of great stuff this is really a great place to do your christmas shopping this best part of waking up is donald trump flag there are shirts showing joe biden as hitler and donald trump is the undefeated impeachment champ and this guy wearing a trump mask like a chin strap is selling products via maga hammocks.com he sells donald trump themed hammocks this one goes for 1500 bucks there's a fake news hammock for the unusual price of 499.20 and this one says deplorable on it also 499.20 all proudly made in el salvador you know i was looking through the website there's a frequently asked questions section the questions here are the questions how do i get in and out of a hammock how to sit in a on a hammock chair and can i use my hammock when is wet yes but when is wet why you be in rain who buys it's like they opened a dollar tree in a mental institution speaking of hammocks guess who else showed up to cpac there's no other country that has a dream have you thought about that there's no french dream or canadian dream or nigerian family there's only an american dream and so as someone who sleeps 14 hours a day dr carson knows a thing or two about dreams not only were philosophies exchanged at cpac not only were principles and values cemented and shared there are a lot of laughs too fifteen thousand fans three nights in orlando c packed with laughs featuring the funniest whites in the republican party orlando is awesome it's not as nice as cancun the kings of conservative comedy but it's nice you won't want to miss the comedy event fox news calls the most hilarious thing since hillary collapsed on the sidewalk no masks apparently the protocol has changed again no censorship fauci me found you no discernible punchlines i hear president biden saying america's back back to what so more than two and a half hours of transphobic potato jokes mr potato head was america's first transgender doll and even he got cancelled starring kimberly guilfoyle but joe's leading from behind from behind kamala that is true story fredo the entertainer speaking of bombing the middle east have you seen liz cheney's poll numbers and headliner ted kukaracha cruz so you can sit at the table and there's no virus being transmitted but if you stand up put the mask on with a special guest appearance from robert kardashian's hologram border wall blake and introducing goldie a republican president will make a triumphant return to the white house and i wonder who who who will that be i wonder marilyna the kings of conservative comedy you'll gop your pants in the immortal words of william wallace frida all right goodbye ted all right fun was had on the other side of the political coin last night the golden globes were on nbc which is golden globes are the opposite of cpac in every way except for they don't have any black people on the board that's the that's what they have in common otherwise they are very different it was a virtual golden globes and they had technical problems but there were some highlights two weeks ago jody foster was here on our show we talked about the fact that the green bay packers quarterback aaron rodgers thanked her when he won the mvp award and she had no idea that was going to happen so i asked will you thank aaron rodgers if you win the golden globe i love my wife thank you alex and ziggy and aaron rodgers the answer was yes he would the most unexpected triumph of the night was when tracy morgan gave the award for best original score to my cousin sal instead of the movie soul and the golden globe goes to [Applause] sal [Applause] well congratulations sal it's about time you were recognized for your achievements and music today by the way today in case you just woke up it's march 1st march is here can you believe it's march guillermo time goes fast yeah well you know you're not alone in disbelief uh it's time for another montage of incredulous newscasters can you believe that it's march guys i woke up this morning and i was like wow can you believe it is march 1st already jerry can you believe it's march can you believe it's march 1st already march 1st today can you believe that march 1st can you believe it march 1st can you believe it march 1st can you believe it march 1st can you believe it's first can you believe it march 1st oh my gosh hard to believe hard to believe we are already into the month of march hard to believe we're already in a march hard to believe it's already march it's hard to believe it's already marching i don't believe it's starting march hard to believe it's already march hard to believe it is a march hard to believe it's march can you believe it's march yeah you believe we're already in march yeah i i i it's funny i was getting ready this morning and i'm like i bet you it's march by now right so i looked at the count i was like yeah there you go there you go and who knows what's next could be april you know it's it's anyone's guess at this point the end of february marks the end of black history month and the start of a new time of celebration black history month a time of reflection and commemoration for all americans is coming to a close to make way for white history months bring in sean hannity's favorite 11 months of the year march through january with an epic celebration of the caucasian persuasion we've got vape pens atvs bright red razor burn potatoes with nothing on them oakley sunglasses velveeta cheese getting off with a warning jimmy buffett and truck nuts you have a dream no i have a dream of seeing three doors down featuring gina carano in concert so kick up your socks and sandals for the white history month's kickoff spectacular hosted by paula deen and a butter sculpture of lou holt right on all right you excited about that you know marks is you know what march is you know what month march is no it's women's history month oh it is yeah wow that's good [Laughter] april is drunken sidekick month so to look forward to that all right yeah and i can think of no better way to kick off women's history month than with a bachelor women tell-all special which aired tonight here on abc all the women who were rejected by this year's bachelor got together for a long group therapy sesh led by noted psychiatrist chris harrison for the most part it was childish it was a bunch of immature people yelling over each other so we as we've been known to do gave it the toddler treatment and i think you will agree that it makes a lot more sense like this [Music] the house actually did have some great women unfortunately drama overshadows are you lumping everyone together you are friends with a lot of the girls who are the problem you said bullying is such a strong word in is the house really toxic okay what do you want to call it the house was not toxic until you made it toxic you came at sarah harder than almost anybody and they said that the next day excuse me i'm still speaking go ahead that's fake it's not it's called learning it's all growing you bedwetter such a fun age it really is congratulations on making it to the end of a youtube video why not celebrate by clicking the subscribe button you earned it

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,086,017

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Pandemic, Coronavirus, COVID-19, Social Distancing, Quarantine, Monologue, CPAC, Conservative Political Action Committee, Ted Cruz, Donald Trump, National Anthem, Joe Biden, Trump, Melania Trump, Ronald Reagan, Supreme Court, Florida, Vaccine, CPAC Merch, Ben Carson, Golden Globes, Jodie Foster, Tracey Morgan, March, Women’s history Month, Bachelor, Cousin Sal

Id: PUx9dzo_2H0

Length: 13min 36sec (816 seconds)

Published: Tue Mar 02 2021