MAGA Nuts Melt Down Over Taylor Swift, Trump Goes Totally Off the Rails & A.I. Joe Biden

I talked to Kristen Hagen who is enjoying the snow with her dog this snow is no joke um and it's really it takes a lot of getting used to but I'm here for it and if you're thinking about driving today be prepared and stay cautious because it's uh coming down pretty heavy from Hollywood it's Jimmy Kimmel Live tonight Elizabeth Moss Zack woods and music from Jacob CER with Cleo in the ceto and now Jimmy [Applause] Kimmel everybody show thanks for watching thank you for joining us we were we're all last night we are back on tonight oh that's very kind and I oh you know what I want to ask before we go on your fort how was your uh birthday oh it was great fantastic you liked it you had fun I did had did your wife let you lay beside her in your marital bed uh no Jimmy unfortunately she was sick she was yeah she's still sick did she get a doctor's note uh yes she get a doctor note she did she presented it to you she did she said listen nothing today look at and you had to work this weekend yeah I was in Puerto Rico work working was it was it tough was it hard uh it was a little bit half and half but yeah but it was interesting because I got a text um I got a video somebody texted me a video this is GMO in in Puerto Rico when your G that's what a work trip looks like that's what was going on which half was that the hard half or the easy half no that easy EAS yeah I love Puerto Rico it's nice yeah did you share that um video with your with your wife uh you did not no no I did not no no no I deleted right away you opted not to yeah yeah no no no no and she won't see the show right uh no I'm going to go home and delete the show too okay good yeah well happy dry January everyone it's almost over G and happy birthday you next next work trip is to Las Vegas for the Super Bowl right yeah I'm excited Jimmy we're going to go together that one that's right Jimmy we're going to have a lot of fun yeah yeah Super Bowl is two weekends away tickets as we seem to say every year are the most expensive ever the average price for tickets see Chiefs play the ners is a little over $122,000 right now but here's the thing it's not just a football game it's also a live game of where's Waldo starring Taylor Swift if you can spot him been following I don't know if you've seen this but there are some serious crazy talk about Taylor Swift and Joe Biden going around right now this is one of those things you know you expect to hear this from a couple of nuts and then it disappears but if anything it's picking up steam the not to swifties got it started like this with the tweets like this the NFL is totally rigged for the Chiefs Taylor Swift Mr fizer all to spread Democrat propaganda calling it now Casey wins goes to Super Bowl Swift comes out halftime show endorses Joe Biden with Kelsey at Midfield it's all been an OP since day one they learn the word op and they're real you're using it a lot I've never been more convinced that the Super Bowl is rigged well with all the unneeded unwanted tailor coverage at the games totally scripted next Travis and Taylor together at the Super Bowl appearing happy and in love and they announced their support for Joe Biden coincidental no bought and paid for another one my prediction Super Bowl will be rigged just like our elections it'll be Kansas City and the 409ers Kansas City will illegally win when the G so the idea even the um this clown who ran for president Viv ramaswami added his nut voice to the chorus of cuckoo he said I wonder who's going to win the Super bowl next month and I wonder if there's a major presidential endorsement coming from an artificially culturally propped up couple this fall just some wild speculation over here let's see how it ages over the so let me get this straight okay the same people who believe Joe Biden has dementia and needs kamla Harris to feed him butterscotch tapioca every night also believe that he has somehow planned and executed a diabolically brilliant scheme to fix the NFL playoffs so the biggest pop star in the world could pop up on the Jumbotron during the Super Bowl in between a Kia and a Tostitos commercial to hypnotize her 11-year-old fans into voting for Joe Biden it's I mean it makes sense it makes total sense see the people they think these people think football is fake and wrestling is real and it's not just on Twitter this nonsense is now everywhere your angry grandpa goes I think if she's smart she will just stay out of politics altogether I don't know what the incentive is for her to do this don't get involved don't get involved in politics we don't want to see you there Taylor Swift has made a career off of writing songs about picking the wrong man so I don't think we should take advice from her now some people think this is a massive scop and we're supposed to pretend we don't see the scop can she get the black vote too are you going to go get Beyonce to do I mean how much are we going to divide the public this is a little bit what idolatry I think looks like and you're not supposed to do that in fact if you look it up in the Bible it's a sin Soros might own her music but the devil surely owns her soul I've seen her songs on stage I've seen the chants I've seen the dances and it reminds me a lot of Witchcraft and that makes sense when it comes to someone so popular could it be a spell I don't know maybe we should run spell check and find out I don't know could it be a spell it's incredible these people who worship a golden pig are warning us about idolatry and spells meanwhile the tantuan candidate is completely off the rails if you're wondering whether or not the economy is strong all you need to know is that Trump is trying to take credit for it he wrote this is the Trump stock market because my polls against Biden are so good that investors are projecting that I will win and I will drive the market up everything else is terrible watch the Middle East right chaos in the Middle East Biden's fault booming economy all Donald Trump three years after he left office it's incredible you know I'm starting to feel like he might be making some of the stuff up Nelson tandel is also very proud of the fact that he's he's nominated for a Nobel Peace pricee he was nominated by congresswoman Claudia Tenny of New York for his efforts to broker peace in the Middle East yeah he really crushed that one he's uh it's so peaceful over there right now turns out it's not really an honor to be nominated for a Nobel Prize the rules say anybody can be nominated as long as the person nominating them is a member of a government or even just a college professor can write a letter and you're a nominee in fact the Nobel website said to Simply Be nominated is therefore not an endorsement or extended honor to imply affiliation with the Nobel Peace Prize or its related institutions being nominated it's basically a high-end World's Greatest Dad coffee mug but to his credit no one wants to restore on this planet peace through Earth more than Donald Trump we will restore on this planet peace through Earth I am the only candidate who can make this promise to you I will prevent World War II and we're very close to World War I we are so close to World War II he can almost grope it under its pageant gown there's a 100% chance that there will be a major terrorist attack in the United States he's like a magic hateball you just shake them up and something comes out but can you imagine Joe Biden ever saying that something like there's a 100% no you can't you know because he's not crazy he is nervous but he's not crazy you know Biden's Super PAC is said to be planning to spend $250 million on ads in the three months leading up to the election it's more than has been spent ever and they're getting creative have you seen these dark Brandon laser ey ads I think you should buy this mug I'll ask you nicely but he [Music] won't that that lady who thinks Taylor Swift is a witch just had a brain aneurism she it's like it's doing this to drive her over the edge but I guess to push back against the I the concern that Biden is is too old his campaign team is trying to go the other way maybe too far the other way they've been posting on Instagram Snapchat the various New Media platforms young people use and they're also experimenting with AI there's been a lot of talk lately about how AI might be used to fool voters with this deep fake technology I don't it's sometimes hard now to tell what's real and what isn't but this might be how they're planning to Fight Fire with Fire hey folks it's me President Joseph R Biden the r stands for rip thanks to AI I'm strong as a silver back gorilla I even got that muscle Lin that point straight to my trouser wer oh boy wait till Dr Jill gets a Lo of this now here's the deal I just got a look at my poll numbers it seems like half of you still prefer old Donnie elastic pants you got to be kidding me man you think those tiny little mitah his can do this so cut Malarkey America and get with the Joe Graham h on back we got a country to [Music] save finally a president with a Kung grip the other big campaign news is about me as you may know I'm the honorary mayor of a beautiful little town in Canada called dildo and last week I mentioned on the show there's been a challenge to my mayorship and already up there it's one of the biggest stories of the Year dildo's unofficial and honorary mayor is at it again this time the late night host is hitting back after someone on social media challenged Jimmy Kimmel for the position but he's not going down without a fight last night the crew at Jimmy Kimmel Live put together a campaign video sounds like Jimmy's connection to dildo still runs deep no I not no not too deep a medium like at a reasonable depth is where going out to eat might be about to become more expensive or less depending upon when you do it a number of businesses are using what they call Dynamic pricing to charge more when demand is high like uber does they've done this at golf courses at bowling alleys and even some restaurants are charging more for like a 730 spot it's can I interest you in a variable rate case ailla it's interesting concept and to show you how it might work we put together a dramatic presentation and here now we are pleased to bring you food for [Applause] [Music] thought oh well hello there I how are you tonight oh well I see you have your drinks you ready to order yes uh I'll have the chicken picata oo excellent choice that will be let's see 24 .95 oh it says here it's $15.95 well it's Peak dining hour so when's off peak dining hour midnight to 6:00 a.m. you're open that late no we are not and what can I get for you um I will also have the chicken picata all right yours will be $39.95 and uh but whenever you asked him you said it was $24.95 I know it's so popular right now okay we'll forget that then how much is the RAV RI the ravioli is uh$ 17.95 all right um I will have the ravioli okay you know what that sounds good I'll change my ra uh order to the ravioli as well yours will be $23.95 I thought you said 17.95 well for her it's $17.95 for you it's $23.95 unless you don't want that first ravioli in which case the price goes down slightly for him maybe you would like that the dinner pool instead what's a dinner pool it's when we put all the food in a bucket and you share it with another table no thanks um I think I will just go back to the chicken picata okay and you now I don't know what's the least popular item on the menu that would be the salmon Ella the salmonella mhm it's pronounced salmonella it's named uh the Chef's mother's name was Ella she died of food poisoning and it's 1995 in honor of the year she passed away okay I'll take that okay fresh ground pepper you want me to keep going it is $2 we don't have plates yes plates are $3 maybe we should leave yeah you could do that but there's a cancellation fee of $250 I've already charged that to your card we haven't even cancelled yet but let's go well thanks for coming and don't forget to give us five [Music] stars wow thank you everybody

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,038,051

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Hollywood, Los Angeles, West Coast, Donald Trump, Trump, Puerto Rico, Las Vegas, Superbowl, Football, Taylor Swift, Tswift, Endorsement, Economy, Joe Biden, Dark Brandon, AI, Honorary Mayor, Canada, Dildo, Elon Musk, Neuralink, Dynamic Pricing, SWIFTIES

Id: bDRt1ONVPSQ

Length: 14min 20sec (860 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 31 2024