Trump’s Stupid Idea to Arm Teachers, Fox News in Hot Water Over Election Fraud Claims & War on Woke

[Applause] watching hi there I hope you had a good weekend I hope you um how was how was your weekend Guillermo do you have a good weekend oh good good and not anything interesting happen no no nothing yeah my wife and I went to Las Vegas this weekend you know you can get really good rates at the Trump Hotel nowadays Donald Trump did something miraculous this weekend he filed a financial disclosure report you know those things you're you have to file when you're running for office he actually filed one he did it at the last minute he did it after a number of warnings and extensions but he did do it and we gathered some interesting information from that filing including the fact that Trump got five million dollars from a deal with a Saudi developer and the Omani government to build a golf resort in Oman which makes sense in case he has to flee there someday he also earned Millions from something called cic Ventures which cic stands for commander-in-chief Ventures this is the entity that handles the money he makes from uh live performances and rally events you know he makes money from though people paid between fifty and four thousand dollars do you hear him ranting and raving about witch hunts and regulation like he basically sells tickets to drama queen Story Hour and he's also collecting a six figure annual pension from the actors Union sag-aftra the guy who hates Hollywood is on the same retirement plan as Vanessa from The Cosby Show and you remember that ft's these uh well the huxers who made them they predicted a hundred million dollars in sales so far according to Trump they've only sold six million dollars which surprises me because they're so great there's also a big new income stream from Melania Trump who made between one and five million dollars from her deal with the right-wing social media platform parlor you know things are bad at home when you own a conservative social media company and your wife's main source of income is the other conservative social media company Trump made and at first I thought this was a typo but it isn't he says he made 201 from truth social not 201 million dollars or 201 like less than he would have made if he started a lemonade stand outside you know he's constantly bragging about how well truth social is performing and well you're not going to believe this turns out that's not actually true according to a company that independently measures web traffic his website right now is the 10 953rd most visited site in the world give you some context that is behind first of all the other social media sites Facebook's number three most visited in the world Twitter is number five Reddit is number 19. truth social not only is it far behind its competitors [Applause] it's more than a thousand spots behind arbys.com okay it's enough it's over five thousand spots behind his other favorite website kfc.com and almost 8 000 spots behind Wiki feet a foot fetish website is much more popular than truth social and this has got to be a real shot to the gut Trump's feed on Wiki feet they're only rated 1.2 out of 5 stars which is sad it's Savage feet have a lower approval rating than this presidency let's have a look at those feet by the way because uh yeah yeah look at those chubby little piggies no wonder he couldn't serve in the military he's got feet like a giant baby in Delaware today uh was supposed to be day one of this huge defamation trial filed by Dominion voting systems against Fox News but it got pushed until tomorrow I guess the judge needed some time to get over Mr love his blind reunion last night but Dominion which makes the voting machines suing Fox for 1.6 billion for falsely accusing them of election fraud fox is in a very difficult position right now the judge has already ruled that it's so obvious Fox lied to its audience that Dominion doesn't even have to prove that to the jury all they have to prove is that fox lied knowingly or with Reckless disregard for the truth which is of course that's their business model of course they did that but there are dozens of text messages in which Fox Executives and hosts openly talk about how dumb Trump's lawyers are and Trump the brilliant legal mind that he is this morning jammed on the all caps button to advise if Fox would finally admit that there was large-scale cheating and irregularities in the election which would be a good thing for them and for America the case against them which should not have existed at all would be greatly weakened back up those Patriots at Fox instead of throwing them under the bus and they are right there is so much proof the extra O's really sell it so much proof like Mass ballot stuffing caught on cameras FBI colluding with Twitter and Facebook State legislatures not used Etc in other words you know all that stuff you're being sued for a billion and a half dollars for saying on TV say it again give them another billion and a half dollars great idea what a play this is like if OJ tried on the glove and then turned around and killed Johnny Cochran with it okay that's how much sense it makes so um anyway in Indianapolis this weekend you'll skip Yosemite scam was at the NRA convention where once again he had all the best words and ideas for about 12 billion dollars we could fund armed security guards at the entrance every school in America and also arm every willing teacher we want to arm some of these teachers they have to go through rigorous or some people say vigorous I like vigorous better I don't like rigors they have to go through vigorous training but they were already there and they'll do better than anybody you could put in and they love our children they really love our children and take it from a guy who does not love his children they love our children he's so dumb he's and first of all the word is rigorous not vigorous okay uh and what an incredible remarkably stupid and dangerous idea arm and the teacher let me tell you something my teachers when I was in school had guns my Spanish teacher would have shot me at least 15 times I'll be here tonight and this garbage about the armed security guards in New Valley the school district had its own police force it doesn't make a difference but of course these people keep forgetting to mention that if even five percent of teachers people that are skilled with arms we want that five percent were voluntarily armed and trained to stop active Shooters we would achieve effective deterrence and the problem would cease to exist said the man who told us covid would be gone by Easter 2020. the solution I guess is give everybody a gun maybe we should give the kids guns too pack them in their lunch box you know if everyone has a gun no one has a gun right Kindergarten Cop also treated the NRA holds to one of his classic rips on how you can't use the n-word I believe it's the most dangerous time in the history of our country because of the power of weaponry and I'm not talking about rifles now you know what I'm talking about the n-word can't use the n-word two n-words you can't use you can't use it the nuclear word he loves this n-word thing he's when he orders food at a Mexican restaurant he's like I'll have the n-word they're like huh he's like nachos can you say that but back to the guns the reason we need guns is because there are criminals out there running around with super strength when you see these gangs of hundreds of young usually young people go and attack an apartment so a department store in San Francisco and Los Angeles and Chicago and they run in by the hundreds and they're running out carrying refrigerators and carrying air conditioners and Big Stuff big little everything fur coats non-ferco everything to carry Virgo who's running out of a store carrying a 500 pound refrigerator and wearing a fur coat I mean some kind of some kind of super pimp or something none of it makes any sense none of it but they love them they love him so much Trump yammered at full speed for about an hour and so we slowed him down to half speed for the return of drunk Donald Trump the only one they wanna prosecute is Donald Trump let's get it from let's get that son of a [Music] I have a bottle of tequila but I finally agree before Trump got up to speak his old number two Mike Pence took the stage I'm guessing they didn't share a trailer but Mike Pence was there to to fire things up and really rock their Glocks off [Music] [Applause] [Music] wow [Music] [Applause] NRA [Music] I love you too thank you for the honor of serving as your vice president it was the greatest honor of my life [Applause] well you know at least no one tried to hang them this time that's progress right it says he will likely announce whether or not he'll run for president in may he wants to wait I guess he wants to wait until after Coachella to get the Ayahuasca out of his system but why would he run for president he might as well announce he's running for wide receiver for the Colts meanwhile on the Democrat side Joe Biden is suddenly Fielding a primary Challenge from another prominent Joe so what would you tell the American people what is your message why are you the guy what's your message for for the people you know what the American people get on my website joey.2024.com I answer every American person that has a question my my platform's on there My Views are on there this call is from a federal prison the Tiger King uh from federal prison sir thanks so much for joining the program wow it'd be fun to have both the Democratic and repunded is running from federal prison well then we got the pillow man Mike Lindell who uh is facing his own Billion Dollar Plus lawsuit from Dominion but he's focused on Florida Governor Ron DeSantis you wanna you wanna save your career Ron just endorse Donald Trump tomorrow morning it's you're disgusting what you're doing down there what I just talked about tonight when we talk about defamation and you're colluding with Dominion with their lawyers to make it easier to sue people for defamation defamation is when your mustache catches fire and they have to put it out it's and you know if he loses the defamation case he'll probably go bankrupt so there's a lot of defamation going on over in Newsmax right now there's thank you for that I appreciate it there is serious concern in Newsmax not just about the future of our country and Newsmax they are worried about the future of the human race the increase among Americans that identify as lgbtq has been staggering in recent years we are already having a population crisis in this world we're not going to have enough people to feed everyone and who's going to take care of all the old people we have how are we going to survive once the left turns everybody in this country gay maybe we'll have a lot of brunch I don't know I don't know there's so much fear about sexuality and gender and wokeness most of these people don't even know what woke means is just a word that gives Tucker Carlson a rage boner every night when he goes to sleep it's gotten so bad that a conservative non-profit group is launching a text alert system to notify users when a company goes woke I guess they're still not over the green M M's yet and the way it works is you submit your phone number to this woke alerts website and then whenever a company like Budweiser hires a spokesperson you can identify with every Jitterbug phone at every Waffle House in America goes off all at once and while some companies are trying to be more inclusive others are intentionally now doing the opposite are you tired of woke Brands cramming their liberal agendas down your throat then cram these down instead Mr Paul's cisgender fish sticks the antidote to the left-wing corporations who want to tell you how to think wait what's in these we start with 100 fresh Atlantic Cod then our team of marine psychologists did you say Marine psychologists quiet cook then our team of marine psychologists make sure each and every delicious unsustainably caught Cod identifies as his or her confirmed biological gender just as Jesus tweeted I don't think Fish can be trimmed not in this box they can that's not what I meant Mr Paul's cisgender fish sticks assigned delicious at Birth I think it's a boy yeah taste the penis Mr Bob [Music] [Applause] oh foreign

Channel: Jimmy Kimmel Live

Views: 2,369,229

Keywords: jimmy, jimmy kimmel, jimmy kimmel live, late night, talk show, funny, comedic, comedy, clip, comedian, mean tweets, Monologue, Guillermo, Hollywood, Los Angeles, West Coast, Las Vegas, Donald Trump, Trump, Financial Disclosure, Melania Trump, social media, Truth Social, Defamation Trial, Dominion Voting, NRA Convention, Drunk Donald Trump, Mike Pence, Joe Exotic, Mike Lindell, My Pillow Guy

Id: 0mC0A2BcbPE

Length: 13min 41sec (821 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 18 2023