TOM HOLLAND Gets Vulnerable About Mental Health & Overcoming Social Anxiety

I just felt like I was so addicted to this kind of false version of my life that it was just taking over and the thing that really upset me is the Press ran with that they were saying oh look he's not the perfect happy-go-lucky kid you think he is he's having a nervous breakdown in New York if I was having a mental breakdown that's not for you to report on they took the story in the wrong direction and they kind of painted people looking for help in the wrong line the best-selling author and post the number one Health and Wellness podcast on purpose with Jay Shetty a lot of studies show that how we were loved or unloved between the ages of zero to five impact the next 15 25 50 years of our life Wow and how we give love to ourselves and how we give love to others and so I was thinking do you have a core memory or an experience with your family from childhood that kind of embodies the feeling you have about them now or that keeps you tied close to them I'd say sort of More Than A Memory is just a feeling that we I could say all of my brothers and I had was that because our dad's a comedian his job only ever existed once we had gone to bed and our mum worked from home she was a photographer so to us as kids our parents didn't really work they just were always home so we had this amazing Foundation where no matter any time of the day either mum or dad would be at the house and we felt so kind of solid as a family which is why like I kind of have this dream of one day having kids and putting my work to bed and just kind of being there as a dad because I really admire how my dad was around you know being a comedian is a very very volatile job the the highs and lows are so extreme and as kids we never saw that the only version of my dad I ever saw was the happy Dad let's go to the park we used to play this game called golf goals where we would go down to the park there's like this big blue metal goal and we would just fire golf balls into that goal every day and he would give us 10p every time a ball went in the goal and that was kind of the foundation of our Golf and and all that sort of stuff so for me broader than a core memory was the idea of always feeling connected and safe within my family unit and I think a large portion of that is that my mum and dad have always been such a solid team and they've always been there for us yeah wow have they as you've grown older have they kind of opened up about some of the challenges that they were going through that they obviously didn't show you in your family when you were kids because I can imagine we always talk about this right like being a comedian is extremely difficult because you're making everyone else laugh at the same time it's it's a career path that like you said is completely volatile sure have they opened up as time's gone on and how has that felt when you've gone from like seeing your parents always been happy to being like Oh wait there was all this other stuff going on absolutely they have and and it's not even sometimes thing that they've told us it's just things that we've grown up to recognize as a young kid you know you're not looking to how's my mum feeling how's my dad feeling and now as an as an older person you know those are things I care about I want to call my mum because I know it will brighten our day so that's all part of growing up I guess so seeing the way in which my dad's job affects him or my dad's job affects my mum is something we've all sort of come to terms with and he's amazing at it I mean to be honest I say effect it doesn't really affect anyone he's so good at handling it and which is a lot of why I feel like I am the way I am for example the crowded rooms come out the critics absolutely hated it they thought it was the worst thing they've ever seen and it doesn't really upset me and I think a large part of my feeling towards that has come from my dad being able to do a gig the gig not going well him brushing it off his shoulder and just right onto the next one yeah well and and first of all I want to point that out as well so I've been watching the crowded room right and me and my wife been watching it together and we're actually really enjoying it thank you we're actually loving it because I love a show that has Mysteries sure that's trying to like get me to figure it out and get me to think about I'm kind of confused and I love stuff like that like I'm a massive uh Christopher Nolan fan yeah so all my favorite movies are Nolan movies and the reason why I love them is because I have no idea what's going on sure and that's you've got to figure it out and you've got to figure it out and I love puzzles and I love escape rooms and I love anything yeah of anything that's got me thinking what is going on here and why can't I figure it out right you know what you should watch I I admittedly watch it to go to sleep if I'm ever feeling stressed or like overstimulated I watched this guy called Chris Ramsey okay he's like a YouTube guy he's a magician but I just watch him solve puzzles he like buys these Japanese like handcrafted puzzle boxes wow and he just solves them and I've started buying them and they come to the house and you sit down for four hours put it down pick it up and try and solve this puzzle and it's amazing have you are you any good at them no I'm terrible at them absolutely terrible I've had an unsolved Rubik's Cube since I was at 11. but I am but yeah so I watch his videos because there's just something about like the sound of the wood I'm a carpenter so I love like craftsmanship and that sort of stuff so I love the way that these pieces are put together so watching him solve the puzzles I find so relaxing yeah I think for so many of us you know getting bad reviews perceptions people talking about us whatever maybe whatever scale we live at can actually affect us sure and you're saying that actually seeing your dad letting him seeing him shrug it off and seeing him move on actually really helped him do you think that you've been able to create a bit more of a skill around that now or is it something that happens naturally for you because I'm guessing that there's a lot of people who are listening and watching going Tom that's pretty amazing that you can do that at your scale and your level but you know I'm still affected by that or I really struggle when my mate says something like I know the number one thing I hear is like most people don't chase their dreams because they're scared of what their mates will say let alone what the world what the world will say yeah like I had this late I was I was flying back last night as I was telling you so I was on a plane from DC to London last night and the air hostess she was wonderful her name was Jeanette she said to me she was like gee I really want to start a YouTube channel but you know you just gotta block out what your friends are gonna say right and she was just worried about it so that it's a very real thing so I guess have you kind of figured out a little formula for it or is it just natural because you saw your dad and it's become easier that way I think it's a little bit of both really you know I think it's something you definitely get better at I'm really lucky that I have an incredibly strong group of friends like one of my best mates just called me up earlier to say seen the fifth episode and he's like I know what happens in the show and I'm Still Loving It the people I'm watching it with have no idea what's going on but they can't wait for the next one so you know I really really hold High the opinions of people that I really care about I'm also really lucky to have an amazing group of fans who are so supportive they are die-hard they are there day one and that makes me feel really good but I I do think a lot of my lessons in life have come from my dad and the ways that he can deal with things things that he hasn't done very well in the past that he's passed on to me and I sort of I live by this really I don't actually know if Christian Bale did say this but I love Christmas yeah but I think the quote is if you have a problem with me text me and if you don't have my number you don't know me well enough to have a problem with me that is so good and I think that that is such a great piece of advice because as a celebrity you live on this stage you live out there you kind of give out a version of yourself that you want people to see and that can be the version of yourself that they can have a problem with or they can love and there is a you know I feel like I'm quite authentic in my public persona but I just try to really care about what my family thinks what my friends think what the people in my local community think I live in Kingston I know everyone that lives there I can't walk five feet without bumping into one of my mum's friends so yeah so it's something I've been working on I try my best to not let that stuff affect me it does yeah of course I'm not cold-hearted or anything like that it does affect me but I just try to to move on and focus on the positives yeah absolutely absolutely what what was uh did you ever see your dad deal with everything and you thought wow that was incredible was there anything specific that you remember that like seeing him like tackle something and you thought wow that really impressed me even if it was something really small in hindsight I think the thing I admire most about my dad is his resilience you know he's someone who has had an incredibly successful career in his earlier life and then later in life his career sort of plateaued and he struggled and he's never stopped he's never given up he's still gigging to this day he's still writing books he has a patron he has a podcast he's constantly grafting to get to where he wants to be and I think being a young kid and seeing your dad continually working as hard as he can to kind of put his best foot forward for me has been a huge drive for my work ethic I'll give it 100 or I'll give it nothing and I think a lot of that has come from my dad and seeing him deal with that the funny thing about my dad is you talk about doing a bad gig I must have seen him 20 times I've never seen him do a backing he always seems to absolutely rip it um but maybe that's just because we're in the audience but he um but no I I owe a lot to my dad and a lot of the teachings are things he's told me and things I've just witnessed him do yeah and was there ever a piece of feedback or a rumor or something you saw that did affect you where you actually thought well or at least made you stop and go God I'm trying to see the positives but this one's tough like like this actually made me have to pause and figure it out something that did really upset me I was in New York I was shooting the crowning crowded room and I was having a really hard time with the job just because of how taxing it was the emotional capacity that I was having to get to every day and I decided to delete my Instagram because I just felt like I was so addicted to this kind of false version of my life that it was just taking over I would be on set working I'd come and sit in my chair and just scroll scroll scroll scroll and it was it was becoming a problem I was just obsessed with it and I was obsessed to find out what people were saying and how people what they thought about me so I decided to make an announcement which unfortunately we have to do and say that I'm taking a break from social media and and I try to position myself and say like I'm taking a break from social media because I feel like my mental health will benefit from it and the thing that really upset me is the Press ran with that and they tried to make out that I was having this mental breakdown and what upset me was if I was having a mental breakdown that's not for you to report on they they took the story in the wrong direction and they tried they painted again this negative light on Mental Health rather than saying oh he's doing it it's okay that he's doing it so we should all feel okay to do it too they were saying oh look he's not the perfect happy-go-lucky kid you think he is he's having a nervous breakdown in New York and I think that that was a really unfair line of Journalism let's say because I just think it again kind of painted people looking for help in the wrong light if you know what I mean yeah yeah absolutely absolutely it almost sounds like you were actually preemptively going I'm doing this so that I don't right go in that direction totally at least I'm not trying to put words in your mouth but absolutely it's almost like I'm proactively seeing that I could end up in a position where sure I might have a breakdown I don't want to be in that position and so I'm responsibly saying guys I'm taking a break right in order to protect myself a hundred percent yeah which makes a lot of sense and actually is quite admirable again totally and that's kind of what the message of the show is about like the the message of our show is that asking for help should be something that we celebrate yeah if you're struggling if you need help if you feel bad and you wake up and and you go to a friend a therapist a teacher an employee or a colleague and say I'm really struggling I need some help that should be something that we give you a pat on the back like I would love to help you that I'm delighted that you asked me and that for me that announcement was kind of my Olive Branch and the Press ran with it how they ran with it but to be fair it kind of gave me a great drive to finish the crowded room in the way that we did to like if you're not going to listen to my personal message then you have to listen to the message of my show yeah so it kind of went hand in hand yeah yeah absolutely you've you've reminded me actually when you said that because I think we naturally today think of therapists or doctors but you you mentioned teacher there and I was thinking when I was going through a really rough time at school once I remember my walk to school from the bus stop I'd see a teacher every day that I was really close with at school but you never talk to your teachers walking to school crazy person yeah and then but I was so low only at the time that I remember like almost thinking like well he's the only person I can talk to because of other stuff that I was going through at school and I remember I started talking to him on the way to school his name is Mr buckeridge he knows I go on about him everywhere and he avoids it because everyone's always like oh Jay's been talking about yeah yeah and but it was it was that exact feeling where it was like he was someone that I felt I could open to it that opened up to at that point in my life without feeling judged without feeling like he was going to see me through another lens and just having that space to be seen for as a human who is going through stuff by a teacher was a huge huge win and so you know it's you are right that that help can come in all different forms and it does it doesn't have to come in the ways that we expected to come in yeah it doesn't have to be a professional yeah I go to my friends a lot and and you know some friends are better than others in certain situations I've got some friends that are very much like pull your socks up and get on with it and then other friends were like come here and have a cry on my shoulder but like it it varies so I I just really hope that that's what the show could do is yeah it's sort of paint this positive picture of asking for help is something to be proud of well that's a great message and and I think we we all need to hear it and I want to go back a little bit because there's a lot of interviews that you've done and I've watched a lot of stuff over the time but like we're talking about a lot of it's sound bites because it's quick and short and like it's entertainment you know interviews and that's why I was really grateful that you took out the time to do this but you were diagnosed as far as I read with dyslexia age seven yes and I was wondering how you know a lot of our community and our audience is diagnosed as well or some of them are not but they're finding out later on in life how did that affect you or how were you set up for success with that from because as an actor you've got to learn lines you've got to read lines there's a lot of activities that people would assume are quite challenging sure that you found a way and walk us through that a little bit I don't know I had my mum has always been really Hands-On with our education she you know really wanted us to just do our best our dad always said like look I don't care what grades you get as long as you try your best you try your best and that's all that we can ask for yeah my dyslexia it's really just my spelling I mean honestly it's just that yeah you know like those sort of games that you play at Christmas have you ever played um the one we have to write down the answers the it's such a good game is it boulder dash I don't know boulder dash is it uh it's basically a game where someone will read out a scenario or um right ask a question and then you have to answer the question to the best of your ability but you can also Bluff and lie oh I've never played this and if you write somewhat a believing answer and people vote for your answer you win oh cool okay I've never played it which is great but when I play it everyone's like what does that say that is definitely not spelled right good um but yeah so my spelling was really the biggest hurdle um I worked really hard at school I didn't do particularly well but again my parents said as long as you try your best then that's all we can ask for yeah an acting you started early too age nine right like that was something that you started pursuing really early on in life and I feel was that something that you were always sure about there's that there's that famous viral Tick Tock that always goes around if you you know I can't I don't know how old you were being asked you know what superhero would you play all right when you're older you say oh maybe Spider-Man right and it's like and and I wonder like how much of your acting career do you feel like you've manifested or there was a vision or a focus or is it more just like this was naturally what you were into and it and it grew where where did that come from I do believe in manifesting actually I really do I think what's interesting about my career is this was never something I wanted I just was a young kid I loved dancing my mum would take me to a dance class every Saturday and I got spotted through that dance class to to audition for a show on the West End I ended up doing the show I loved it Billy Elliot it was the time of my life I you know it was such a cool experience I'm just by complete fluke an agent came to see the show the night that I was on she signed me she sent me to an audition for a film I was lucky enough to get the part all of a sudden I was on set with you McGregor and Naomi Watts and we made the impossible and to be perfectly honest with you it was it was just a hobby it was something that my mum would let me do on the summer holidays she was very keen that I kept my schooling up and they sort of came that time in England where you're in between gccs and a levels and you're trying to figure out when I was going through that you could still drop out at a levels obviously now you have to do a levels and I had that moment where I was like what do I want to do I could try and stay at school and figure out what I want to do or this thing that's been a hobby for my sort of summer holiday activity which is acting I could try and do that for a living and I've been so lucky that I've been you know offered jobs and all that sort of stuff I decided to go with it I I joined the Brit school because you know my mum was Keen that I didn't go for school for an education but went to school to expand my social skills and meet kids my own age all my friends when I was 15 were like 30 year old people because they're all adults from the business um so I think my mum was Keen I had some friends that were my age who are now my best friends today so I never really wanted this I just sort of never stopped doing it and I love it I absolutely love it I love the creativity I love the building blocks that are required to put a film together I love the collaboration on set between people from all different walks of life you know a film set is a Melting Pot of all sorts of different people um so I love it I absolutely love it yeah wow and and I I read something that you said you were bullied for like doing ballet yeah right earlier which obviously got you into the playing the role of Billy Elliott because it's ballet and tap right sure it's both so was was that was that tough at that time or like were you trying to hide it and then you end up on you know you end up at the West End and you're on the main stage and everyone's seeing it or was it kind of easy to navigate and how did that go down because I feel like as a kid doing ballet and tap must have been a little challenging yeah I mean it was it wasn't easy but it also wasn't tough you know I went to a rugby school so you can imagine like the one kid in the school that does ballet there's gonna be comments here and there it wasn't the easiest thing in the world there were kids that didn't understand why I was doing it or what I was doing it for no matter how many times I explained like I'm the only guy in a class of 30 girls in tights I was like guys this is what you want to be doing like rugby is not it but I no it was tough but again like it goes back to what we were saying about resilience and keeping your head down and crowded room was the hardest job I've ever had for all sorts of different reasons and there was a point in time where we were talking about do we shut this down and walk away from it because of how challenging it was and you know I dug my heels in I put my head down and was like no I'm gonna finish this I'm going to see it through and I think you know you learn from past experiences like that so I really am proud of the way we everyone handled the crowded room and I think that stems from my childhood my dad's experiences and all that sort of stuff yeah well so I've got a confession as well to me go on so I went to rugby school as well okay I played yeah I played for my a team and I was I was pretty are you in the 80s that's pretty good okay Blind Side flanker okay yeah so I was I was really into rugby because I went to rugby school and I loved football but my school didn't play football and so I was like no I've got to be on the school's main team sure so I worked really hard to get on the team but after we play rugby on a Saturday my mum forced me to go to dance class and part of it was ballet and Taff as well although I did not end up at the West End because I don't think Billy Elliot was brown so but that wasn't going to happen yeah it wasn't the same path as you but but I also had that experience that's what I had to ask you about did you enjoy it I really enjoyed it for the community aspect of it like I love all the lads that I was there with they were just they were just a great laugh and it was really interesting because we'd go from I'd literally go from playing rugby straight to class on a Saturday and I'd go in there with all my bruises exhausted and all the rest of it but everyone's just so much fun sure and it's almost like the rugby picture was more stressful because everyone was like you know trying to be intense and trying to be this and that whereas everyone just having to laugh at the dance guys we do everything from hip-hop to Street to love it whatever but yeah I remember never telling I I think it's the first time I've ever spoken about it's out there it's been a safe space with you so but it's interesting because Rugby's regimented isn't it yeah I love it you play it you play a position that is as specific as saying The Blind Side flanker you know when you're a dancer you're just a dancer you know you you can fit in however you want to fit in yeah the teacher can ask you how are you feeling about that rather than like you need to get your head down to the left to make a proper tackle I did love playing rugby when I was smaller yeah when all the well not when I was smaller when all the kids were smaller and then there was that time where I came back to school after billilly and everyone had just become a man and I was still very much a child yeah I remember we played this school called Trinity College and it was my first game back and I was playing scrum half I came on the second half and it was a violent game it was not it was not a gentleman's game of rugby and I was standing there were kicking to us we're receiving and I remember thinking as long as the ball doesn't come to me off for the kick I'll be fine I need the game to get going and then I'll be fine I'm scrum half relatively safe position I'm a good playmaker as soon as he kicked the ball it's coming straight towards me I I'm trying to catch it I can hear the boots running towards me I fumble it knock on the game goes on I start playing well I assisted a try and then I don't remember what happened or how it happened but there was a a really tough kid on our team who will remain nameless I haven't spoken to him since I don't know what he's doing but he got into a fight with some kid on the opposing team and it was really quite ugly and then the kid's dad came on the pitch to tell off this boy that was on my team and the kid on my team knocked out his dad no like proper like it's the first time I've ever seen someone hit someone and I couldn't believe that a kid who was how old are you yeah he must have been 16 at the time but he's one of those 16 year olds that would look older than I do now when he was 16 and I just remember hearing the noise he'd like cracked this down on the jaw Hit the Floor then this whole big fight broke out I'm not a fighter I stepped away and stuff like what's going on yeah it was wild and that was the last game of rugby I ever played it was against Trinity College oh my God yeah it was really intense wow yeah that's how intense it got I my last game was similar but not not watching a fight so someone ran I had it was a big game and I was playing really well that season and everything was going really well and someone ran into a rock but with their elbow which is obviously illegal totally they ran in and they elbowed me right there like right Belen it's on this side and right below there and then next thing I know I get up and I'm like kind of feeling a bit aggressive are you cut as well but I didn't notice and then Blood starts to drip and I was like that's when you freak out because oh God I'm like I can and there's a lot of blood just dripping so I get subbed off and the nurse on the side just puts a bit of glue there like stick it together and at the moment at that time you don't really notice in you think you're all right and then literally an hour later it's just getting thicker and thicker and thicker I'm ending up with this run to the hospital on the way home because my coach was just like suck it up it's fine you'll be fine run there they're like if you were any later you would have had nerve damage and like personally potentially lost your eyesight whatever it was and they had to like glue it and a little bit of stitches or whatever it was and I for the for them rest of the month I walked around with my like you know I literally hanging over and I looked like I'd got into like the worst fight like I walked into a store and everyone would kind of back off and stuff and it was just really uncomfortable that was my last game of rugby that's why I just remembered that but yeah it was it was into it was it was intense but it was great like you said it was great regimented discipline training I love training with my mates I love playing I loved as a young man as well like having a outlet to release the energy that I had totally was good in in obviously in a way that wasn't trying to hurt others but that's what's so great about boxing yeah it's like boxing is such a great release you know you see these young kids like young kids who are angry you need to let something go like go and punch a bag for an hour oh that will make you that'll calm you down I love how boxing is such a great thing for young for young people to to release that sort of event are you boxing I love boxing it's been a few years since I've I've done any sort of training I used to go to this great gym in um in New York called Church Street boxing I just love it there had a great Pro you could sort of spar with him because you know that he wouldn't batter you because he could control himself I went to one sparring session just a General Session and I got absolutely yeah it was tough but I love it I love the sport I'm a little bit sad as to like how the sport is being run right now right um but I do love the sport and I admire the athletes I think they're amazing what's your take on YouTube is boxing and all that kind of stuff and because it's obviously bringing a lot of attention to the sport to be perfectly honest with you man I don't really mind it I think it's quite fun I think if you're doing it for the right reasons you know it's a great opportunity to raise some money for amazing Charities and I think a few of them have done a lot for charity I think it's really great I think yeah you know my brother Paddy would never have been watching boxing and now yeah because of his favorite YouTubers are boxing so yeah if it's good for the sport it's good for the sport I sort of don't really mind I think it's funny to be honest yeah because you sit at home watching you're like I could do that I can get in there and do that you're like well why don't you and you're like well yeah I don't really want to do that so we might see you in Creed Four then yeah yeah yeah yeah we'll do that we'll do the acting boxing I'd love to do a boxing movie yeah I think it would be cool to do a boxing movie but where the fighting is real walk me through that I wouldn't necessarily be in that film right but I do think that you could make a really interesting film where the outcome of the film is determined on the outcome of the real fight has anything like that ever been done like racing or any can you I'm just trying to not that I know yeah I know that's what I'm trying to think it could be really cool yeah wow but yeah I love I love boxing movies I'm a sucker for it yeah which ones which which one's your favorite I think Rocky 2 is probably my favorite I remember when we were in Billy Elliot we had this room called the Billy room and there was always a billy backstage while the show was going on because the show was so labor intensive it was very dangerous there's lots of moving Parts there's lots of acrobatics it wasn't too uncommon for a billy to get injured and then there would be someone upstairs who would replace that Billy and we would just hang out upstairs and there was an Xbox and a television and all that sort of stuff and one of the DVDs that we had the two DVDs we had was step up to the streets my favorite film of all time and Rocky too and I've must have seen that film 40 times how many times did you practice the dance in the mirror oh man I've got the whole dance down right can we see it yeah no I love that film I absolutely love that film yeah I'd say I'd say my favorite so Rocky was my favorite because I'd watch it with my dad and Rocky oh I I struggle between Rocky 3 and Rocky IV because I loved Mr T and that's four three that's three that's three I loved Ivan Drago as well which was four and they were both just such great movies yeah yeah yeah it was just yeah it's such great entertainment even though it's nothing like real boxing yeah nothing is at all but then I remember watching real boxing when I was growing up it was Prince Naseem oh man yeah yeah my dad was a big fan of his so I'd remember watching him a lot I love his style there's a video of him working with the I guess he's just it's like a swinging bag and he is so effortless because canelo's got great head movement but but he looks like he's thinking about it yeah whereas nazim is just living the dream just he's so fluid and I love the way he used to move yeah yeah and I love how he would enter the ring me I would over rotate and just slam on my face or something yeah he was brilliant there's like wrestling meets boxing yeah yeah yeah it must have been a nightmare to fight yeah he must have been like he's beating me and he's embarrassing me this is really tough terrible what do you think of lemachenko did you see his last fight I haven't no I didn't see it I didn't see it that's an interesting one go and tell me I I didn't see it at all well I think the general consensus is that he won uh but it was given the other way right right he is my favorite boxer right because of his history his background in dance he was like I guess a really talented boxer and then I guess I don't know if this is true but his dad sent him to go and study dance for sort of five years or something like that for his boxing for his boxing which is why his footwork is like on another planet there's loads of examples of where he's fighting people and they look up and he's just gone he's behind them so I I really admire him but his most recent fight he lost how did it go against him was it a vote it was a vote yeah yeah they went against him so I wonder whether they'll fight again yeah I guess they'll have to if there's it seems like this isn't a conspiracy theory that's the problem with boxing though like will they fight again yeah you know because it's a tricky it's a tricky business unlike the UFC where you know if they want to fight they'll fight that's what I love about it I took my brother and my cousin to the UFC the other night and that is such a Savage spool it is that is yeah it's terrifying I really don't want that to be a movie and a real one I've seen the Warriors The Warrior is one of the most underrated movies it's a little ridiculous the idea that they have like six fights a night getting ready for one final but I do love that film yeah yeah it's a really good movie it's really good movie oh well okay all right so we know there's a boxing movie coming somewhere yeah there's got to be one down the line there's got to be one down there absolutely yeah and we want to see you work your way up and uh think I mean we might see you like you know actually go do it for real yeah imagine for charity maybe one of the things that you mentioned recently was that you gave up drinking about a year and a half ago yes and you said it was the hardest thing you ever did yes and I wanted to know what was so hard about it for you why was it so hard it's interesting I I didn't one day wake up and say I'm giving up drinking I just like many Brits that had a very very boozy December Christmas time I was on vacation I was drinking a lot and I've always been able to drink a lot I think I get my jeans from my mum's side in that thing I can I can drink and I decided to just give up for January I just wanted to do dry January and all I could think about was having a drink it's all I could think about I was waking up thinking about it I was checking the clock when's it 12. and it just really scared me I just was like wow maybe maybe I have a little bit of an alcohol thing so I sort of decided to punish myself and say I'll do February as well I'll do two months off if I can do two months off then I can prove to myself I don't have a problem two months go by and I was still really struggling I felt like I couldn't be social I felt like I couldn't go to the pub and have a lime soda I couldn't go out for dinner I was really really struggling and I started to really worry that maybe I had an alcohol problem um so I decided that I would wait until my birthday which is June 1st I said to myself if I can do six months without alcohol then I can prove to myself that I don't have a problem and by the time I had got to June 1st I was the happiest I've ever been in my life I could sleep better I could handle problems better things that would go wrong on set that would normally set me off I could take in my stride I had so much such better mental Clarity I felt healthier I felt fitter and I just sort of said to myself like why why am I enslaved this drink why am I so obsessed by the idea of having this drink and I would look back and recognize that I would go to events for for work and you know I can't enjoy myself until I've had a few beers and I just felt so much pressure and this is one of the things why I've sort of distanced myself from the rugby Community because so much of it is about how much can you drink let's get you as drunk as possible and it's honestly been the best thing I've ever done I'm a year and a half into it now it doesn't even cross my mind I found amazing Replacements that I think are fantastic ones that are also really healthy I found this one beer that it's full of electrolytes and it's you know the carbohydrates in it are long-lasting energy so like having a beer is now actually like a really healthy thing I'm really lucky that all my friends are super supportive about it I've never run into that scenario where my friends are like I'll go on just have a beer like you're fine they've always sort of really supported me and I don't want to be that person that's saying to people you should get sober you should get sober if I could encourage someone to drink less then that's great but I I don't want to start getting into the world of you need to stop drinking because I just it's not for me to say I went on my own little journey I'm really enjoying it I'm delighted that my mum's almost has also given up she's loving it and it's been amazing I can't believe the difference that I feel from not drinking yeah I feel amazing that's amazing man I love hearing that and I love hearing that it's been great for you right I think yeah that's the point not everything has to be like look what I did you can do it too it's kind of like no this is just what's been great for me do you think it was partly that attitude for you at least in the beginning where it's like well look I can drink I drink a lot comes from my mum jeans and it doesn't affect me and then all of a sudden you realize well wait a minute it's more than that because I think there is that like I was like that as a young man as well like for me it was it was easy to drink I I didn't drink daily for me I drank a lot more socially sure and I love playing drinking games with my mates yeah absolutely I enjoyed the most probably and for me when I quit I could just quickly see how it just got me into doing things I would never do if I wasn't drunk so for sure for me it was more that but yeah I wonder for you did you find that it's there's a really fine line between like oh I know I can drink a lot and then all of a sudden you're kind of not addicted beyond that no addictive I'm happy to say a lot I was definitely addicted to alcohol not shying away from that at all I think anyone that wakes up and has not wakes up anyone that has a beer every day is probably got a little bit of a problem but yeah you're right I I would drink and drink and drink and drink and then you would just reach that moment where you're like wow I shouldn't have had that last beer and you wake up the next day and you have a terrible headache and you're suffering I bought one of those rings that will tell you about your sleep yeah or a ring yeah and it was amazing because I couldn't sleep I was like why can't I sleep I'm working 14 hours a day I'm doing two hours in the gym I'm eating really healthily and I can't sleep what's wrong with me I bought this ring and it was booze it just it was a completely affected my sleep and since I've given it up I can sleep anywhere you know it's also interesting as well going on nights out and having a great time as the sober person and then getting to that point in the night where people start you know spitting in your ear and everyone's I love you man I love you so much and you're like yeah brilliant I love you too I'll see you tomorrow I'm going to bed I love being that person now yeah I love seeing my friends on the golf course at 8am in the morning feeling fresh and ready to go and they're sort of crawling out their car and so yeah so I I'm just over the moon to be sober I love it yeah for anyone who is listening right now and it's going Tom I love that for you I want to do it too like they're listening going I'm having too much every day I can notice some of those things but I'm just stuck and it's hard because we know that addictions that way we know that this is heavy it's not easy but if someone is watching going Tom tell me like what what did you do to even get started how did you have that courage to say I'm gonna do January I'm gonna stick at it were there any moments where you actually fell back and then I had to get back on the horse again like just walk us through that a little bit more for anyone who is watching going Tom mate I I want to be in your position in like six months I didn't fall back on it I have done in the past like I've had periods of my life where I've given up drinking and then gone back to drinking um but this time I don't know it was just different I really worked to sort of change my mindset I really asked myself like why do you drink why are you drinking and a lot of the time my answer would be to feel more comfortable in a social environment yeah and I just put myself in those environments and just would force myself to be there I'd force myself to hang out and and go to a club or go to a bar go to a dinner yeah so we weren't avoiding those places I was at the beginning because I didn't feel like I could go and not have a drink because of the stress of it but then after a while I sort of was like mate you've got to pull your socks up here and you can't just live in your house all the time you've got to go out and enjoy yourself and and if you're only enjoying yourself because you're drinking then you really do have a problem but I just changed my mindset I just I found really good replacements things that I could sort of attribute to having a beer I often found with me most of it is just the ritual of cracking something open and sharing it with friends and drinking it whether it's sparkling water or a beer I now can't I don't associate like I don't see a difference yeah but I think it's different for everyone I had a great support system Jack is one of my best mates and we traveled all over the world he doesn't drink and doing it with him was was a really helpful experience for me my brother is always on the road with me he was very supportive and yeah I just really set my mind to it I was like I really want to do this I want to prove to myself I can do it yeah and then once I'd felt the health benefits and started really feeling like my full self yeah I was like oh my God this is this is the best but do you not drink I even drank for 17 years no way congratulations that's amazing amazing yeah it's incredible wow so one of the best feelings in the world and it's my my biggest like worry when I was about to quit was like how am I going to hang out with my mates that was my biggest word yes worry I was like my mates knew me as the guy who was like first of the game last to get out like that was me right you know the clown when I got drunk like life of the party kind of like that kind of guy and then all of a sudden I I decided I wasn't gonna drink anymore I was like crap I'm gonna fit in and then I remember I went into the corporate world for a bit and I didn't drink and I was like God am I going to miss out on like opportunities and networking like you know all the guys afterwards are like going to get drinks and I'm like I'll come but I'll have a water or I'll have a soda whatever it is or and what was really interesting for me is not relying on Drinking Made Me rely on qualities and skills I had sure that were actually better yeah so now that I couldn't drink as an excuse to hang with the lads I was bringing out parts of my personality that I probably would have just hidden away suppressed and all of a sudden you were actually getting respected and liked for who you were right rather than the person who you were when you were drunk sure and and actually that worked in the workplace and there was no one at the workplace going RJ doesn't drink so he's not getting promoted right it wasn't like that people were like oh yeah I really like hanging out with Jay always he's a really good guy or whatever it may be and I was still getting the same opportunities and I was still getting promoted at work and whatever it was and I think that's what I'd like to remind people that don't feel like your career or your work is going to suffer even for you like you've I'm sure as a you know with your career path you have to be at parties you have to be at events of course and the fact that you're able to do that now without having alcohol and you don't it doesn't sound like it's negatively impacting your career if anything is the opposite but mate I honestly cannot believe like the amount of times I've sat down with an actor that I've really admired or sat down with a producer or director and being like Oh you know well I don't drink anymore and they go I don't drink 10 years and you're like oh my God and I've had so many insightful conversations with people like yourself where you've heard their story their reason for giving up and there is a wonderful community of people and I love it I love being a part of that Community I'm really proud to be a part of it I hope that you know I can meet other people and chat them about it because it's really nice it's lovely to be like let's go get a lime soda together you know yeah let's get a juice yeah yeah no it is true it's true and it's really interesting because they I can't remember I'm trying to remember there was this blog that came out years ago I can't even remember it now and there was this girl on Instagram who was getting a lot of likes and a lot of comments and a lot of attention and one day she just disappeared like she stopped posting and everyone's just like all the comments were like where are you what happened are you okay like what happened to you you know everyone was frantic trying to figure out what happened to her because they loved her they were following her and all the rest of it and what they didn't know is that it was built by a team that was trying to show that what people didn't notice is that in every picture she posted she was drinking and it was a made-up it was almost like original AI that was made up to prove the point that you can love someone and you could think you're really close to them and you you could think their lifestyle looks amazing but actually they've got a drink in every picture they post and you didn't realize they had an alcohol problem so there was no real person who died but the point was that this your friends could be struggling even when they're posting these beautiful lifestyle pictures but are you aware wow and are you conscious of how much it affects you and I can't remember who built that people I think that's one of the problems with alcohol is that if you came out with alcohol right now if alcohol wasn't a thing a new lot I've invented this drink that is gonna make you like either really happy or really aggressive or really stupid and we're gonna just sell it to the masses people be like Nami keep your funky juice like we don't want that that sounds terrible and it's one of those things because it is so socially acceptable the the addiction side of it the bad sides of it really do fly under the radar yeah and that's really interesting I tell you something I do love about being a non-drinker I love being the designated driver I love being that person that makes sure that everyone gets home I don't know I just I like being a Dependable person I I think I'm quite Dependable I really like that that um thing and I saw this crazy YouTube video once this was years ago of a guy that went to a bar he got drunk and he drove home and he crashed his car and I don't know if this is real it could have been fake but it's really impactful basically what his friend had done was set up the room as if he had been in a coma for like 10 years and his friend wakes up hours after the crash and his friend is there and he had all like old makeup on to make him look older and now I'm thinking about it there's no way this could have been real because how would they have been able to pull that off but he basically is saying to him like you've been asleep for 10 years everyone's missed you like we can't believe you're awake this is amazing and it shows like how a stupid decision like driving drunk can affect the future of your life so I do love being the designated driver that is something I enjoy seeing my friends have a good time being like don't worry Tom will take you home yeah I I used to love being the designated driver until I realized that ex-girlfriend just had me do that because I was the one who didn't yeah right that wasn't a fun designated driver yeah but I've always been that guy since because so I lived as a monk for three years yeah amazing and uh when I came back after that obviously I never went back to drinking alcohol and everything and so but I went back into the workplace and I remember everyone would always open up to me and give me advice but it's what you're saying when someone was drunk they tell me their whole life story yeah next day they'd wake up and go Jay you'd actually remember what I said I remember everything please don't tell anyone you know I loved I loved that part where I was like I was able to be there for people totally just hear their stories 100 and someone that had context the next day because if they told someone else who was drunk you'd both not remember and then it'd be gone no I I think the benefits that you've just pointed out good sleep good health great mental Clarity it's absolutely huge but there's a couple of things I want to point out for everyone who's listening just as takeaways because Tom makes it so seamless when you're talking about it's really beautiful as well but one of the things you mentioned was Finding Alternatives and during my monk life we always talked about how there was there was something that we called the higher taste and it was saying you can never give up a lower taste unless you had a higher taste sure and so there has to be a switch there has to be a replacement and the fact that you found alternatives I think that's half the battle sure because most of us are trying to take something out of our lives and then you're just trying to fill it yeah and then you have to go back to what you had before because you're not finding a replacement so that was beautiful and the second thing you said which I loved which was having this conversation and dialogue with other people someone who's one year ahead of you someone who's 10 years ahead someone who's 20 years ahead who's gone through that process and they're open and honest and vulnerable about you know I did have a weak moment or you know what this was really tough for me and I think having those communities where you can talk about these things makes a massive difference so if anyone's struggling I hope that those two things can kind of you know give you the support you need and again it goes back to the message of the show is it like you should ask for help yeah and you should feel power to do so yeah but tell me about your monk life like that must have been amazing I've always been so tempted to go away and do one of those Retreats where you know you go to somewhere like India and you go to those places where you don't speak for a month or something like that like that must have just been the most enlightening experience mate now that you've said that when you when you want to go I'm going to take you please yeah I know when I absolutely love to go I met a guy I was on holiday earlier this year and he had just got back from a retreat he did two weeks where he didn't make a sound and was just explaining to me how eye-opening it was yeah yeah no I I mean to me it was one of the best experiences of my life because even the stuff that I did then I was 22 years old when I did it even the stuff that I did then I don't even know if I'd be able to do it anymore now but there was such a like energy you had as a 22 year old sure it's just opened any experience and wanting to try it all out amazing and I think for me it was because and it comes back to the people that have done things when I was 18 was when I first met a monk I never really knew what monks did or any of their practices but I met a monk who I write about in my book who just blew my mind because he was the first person I met that I felt was at ease with himself and when I was 18 I'd met people who were like rich and famous and you know beautiful and powerful and all this type of stuff but I don't think I'd met anyone who was truly happy and content with themselves not happy like oh I'm so happy life's amazing I mean more like happy with peace with who they are who they were yeah totally and for some reason at 18 that kind of like was an arrow straight to my heart where I was like that's that's real like I want that and it just it's so hard to explain because everyone's like well how did you know that 18 I was like I don't know it must have been how powerful he was it's kind of like it's kind of like you wake up when when the sun's out and the lights out and you just wake up because you feel that energy and I felt it through him and then I went to University and I'd talk to him and I'd meet him in the Summers and Christmases but I just decided I was like I want to do this because I'd met someone who I felt had emotional a mental Mastery in a way that I'd never seen before wow and so when I went out there and whether it was the meditation training or whether it was the Simplicity training of the lifestyle or whether it was the the teachings and the values that you had to live by I just got so I got so much from it that I honestly believe that anything that I'm good at doing today is because of what I learned during that time yeah and so anything I'm good at today is because of that do you think that you found what he had yeah I believe so and I would say that or has yes yeah yeah and I still see him every year amazing and he still has it like yeah it's like Swag like it doesn't go yeah he still has it and yeah definitely definitely I got a glimpse into it obviously he's been doing it for you know nearly 30 years and yeah I only did it for three but you still get to a glimpse of it if you get an experience of it so you know that it exists right and I think that's half the battle too like even with your sobriety it's like you just need to know it exists totally and then you're like wow there's this other side 100 and even though it's a challenge and even though I'm still trying to be more mindful every day and I'm still working on myself because it's of course I know this yeah it's an ongoing thing yeah I know I know and I take a lot of friends and and people I know on Retreats there because just a couple of years ago I took uh someone that I love to one of the caves in rishikesh so one of the things I love about caves is that they're equally dark and Silent yeah so it's almost like the first time like we could be silent in this room and it would be silent but the Silence of a cave is just a different level yeah and so when you go in then you can't see anything either so you can't even see yourself so you're so deep into the cave that there's no light from the mouth of the cave there's no life from the mouth of the cave oh I don't know about that right no you hold hands but it's it's just it's one of those experiences that you actually get to experience real Stillness and real silence and real real disconnection sure from everything around you and then you can actually listen to yourself yeah it's interesting yeah I would love to do something like that something that I find myself doing a lot is if I see a beautiful landscape or something I will try and see if I can find an angle of it where there's nothing man-made in The View because you know what it's like like you see a beautiful Hill or something and there's a telephone pole in the middle of it or a Lamppost or something so doing something like that where there is nothing but just mother nature and the silence and being with yourself I'm obsessed with nature it's like one of my biggest passions I'm absolutely like this new our planet show has just come out one sitting I've done the whole thing um so I would love to do something like that so the next time you go in yeah we'll figure it out no where's where's the place I love nature too I just took my me and my wife just went to Bali oh I love Harley yeah and it was unbelievable we went white water rafting and it almost felt like Jurassic Park I was just waiting for a dinosaur head to pop out and it was just beautiful it was so Lush it was so natural waterfalls everywhere and another place that I've Loved nature-wise India of course we mentioned but Iceland I would love to go to Iceland a few years ago and my friend who was filming a a documentary out there and so I got to experience it with the documentary Travelers and we went to a real Glacier and we went to amazing you know and it was incredible to just it was the first time I felt like I'd landed on another planet yeah yeah it was just I literally I was like this looks like nothing I've ever seen before in my life like I'm on another like I I could have yeah I could have gone into a space in London or another there's a reason why every single space film Iceland is the first on the list for locations I think Interstellar probably yeah so I'm sure all of those films yeah because you could do you could do Mars you could do Venus all in you know in Iceland I would love to go I don't know we were thinking about doing some climbing and I'm not sure about how I feel about glaciers and walking across them and just falling and never being found yeah we we walked across them and obviously there were teams there sure and then they had an expert and they went down into the glacier like they went into one like and it was and it was really scary because while we were walking on the glacier and we've got the I forgot what those little boots are called the ones with the kind of like the little prongs yeah yeah yeah but I forgot what they're called but anyway we had those on and uh crap ons crampons okay and so we're wearing these crampons and and literally it was like three steps further and you you would have fallen and you don't see it and you would never be found never it should never be found you'd never know and it would be like that movie was it 126 hours yeah I had to soar for his own arms 126 hours mate in 10 minutes yeah I know I that that's a bit too far for me well if you went with a group of you know experts and all the rest of it yeah but you've seen the documentary sometimes the experts go out and it's one it's a one-way story they don't ever come back you know yeah yeah yeah no you got you got to be careful I it was pretty spectacular it was really amazing no I love I love that with your journey with so bright and again the other thing we were talking about this earlier going back to it was you decided to take a break from acting yeah because you were doing this role it was really tough and challenging and and you're like you need some time and again you were saying that that was misconstrued and I just before we dive into why you needed to take a break and and what was challenging about it I just wanted to just if you wanted to give context to that and you don't have to but if you wanted sure to clarify what you meant and what was going on there it's only a break from acting because I'm an actor yeah it's not like the acting itself I just have been so lucky that in my life I've been working so much I just wanted to take a break I just wanted to be in one place for a while I wanted to be with my friends be with my family move into my house so it wasn't necessarily oh my God I need to have a break from acting because it's too much I just needed to have a break from traveling and working and and also I've done so much of my growing up on the road I needed to do a lot of growing up at home paying my water bill paying my council tax and sorting out my bins and all that sort of stuff that they don't teach you at school which I think there should be a lesson I think there should be a lesson at school that's called life which is like laundry basic cooking like I didn't realize you had to pay for your water I just thought that was a luxury of living in England yeah water comes out the sky and then it comes out your TAP I was so behind on my water bill I didn't realize I'm up to date now don't worry so yeah I just wanted to take this break and it's a shame again talking about the press and how they can spin things it's a shame that this year off has come after this incredibly hard job and that they kind of ran with this idea that yes the show did break me and yes it was difficult but I could have gone back to work I was always planning on taking this break after this job so thank you for giving me the time to sort of clarify that I am loving having time off and going back to work is something that isn't really on my radar yet I'm just loving being with my family and my friends and and enjoying you know the fruits of my labor a little bit and traveling and seeing the world because you know we get to see the world for work but it's different yeah you know going off of your own accord and and seeing these places and meeting people is is what I love I'm very social which is one of the things I found so difficult about giving up alcohol is because I was like that's my key to my social life and then I realized I was like no you're just actually naturally a really social person the alcohol is just an additive to that yeah so get rid of it so yeah so my my year off has been amazing I'm loving it I'm six months seven months into it now I have a job to go to but you know obviously we're going through this writer's strike right now yeah we're unsure as to where we are um I'm hoping that you know the writers can make a deal and will be looked after as they should be because it'd be great to get back to work but I'm in no rush I'm really loving some time at home yeah because how old are you now 27 yeah and so if you've been working since you were nine or at least yeah later on into your teens I think yeah yeah and then people forget that and I I coach personally a lot of musicians and who go on tour a lot sure and I just finished a 40 City World Tour for my second book and we did like 40 cities maybe in like 75 80 days maybe like it was intense and we went all over the world so we did like we've never done anything like that yeah did 15 cities in the US and then 25 cities around the world and so we did everyone from Paris Amsterdam Berlin Melbourne we did three shows at the Sydney Opera House Brisbane did Singapore did five shows in India did Dubai wow but it was and it was amazing I had one of the best experiences of my life at the same time I was reflecting on my music clients who have to do 150 shows a lot of them pull out of doing their tours a lot of them announce kind of like you're saying I took a break sure a lot of them will announce and say you know what guys I can't I can't finish I can't do it anymore and it's really interesting because I messaged some of them straight away saying I always could understand why you needed that sure now I actually have actual empathy for you 100 because now I'm on the road and I can see how displacing it is sure and I'm older and I have a certain set of skills that help me with that based on my monk life and all the rest of it but I can imagine if you've been touring since you were 15 years old which is what a lot of these artists have done yeah you've like you just said you grow up on the road sure and then all of a sudden you're like well who am I and who are my friends and what is my life and now everyone that I pay is my friend and that's the only friends I have totally you know and so it's really interesting how when you get a little glimpse into someone's life and then on my the last show I had was in Barcelona yeah it was amazing the night before my our show Live Nation who is doing my show there they also do uh Coldplay's tour and they were like do you want to come to cold watch Coldplay I'd love to watch Coldplay so when the night before to watch Coldplay it's unbelievable they did four sold out shows of 65 000 people each night in Barcelona and Chris I went towards the fourth night and Chris Martin and the crew were just unbelievable yeah and then I found out as the 89th show and I was thinking gosh like it is so hard like it's just so hard and all their families are with them and traveling with them and all the rest of it and so I want to touch on that with you as well that walk us through because I've talked about this with actors offline and I don't think I've fully done it online and so if you're willing to go there I'd really appreciate it sure when you're playing a role I think as a viewer we massively underestimate how hard acting is especially when the role is the kind of role that you're playing in the crowded room yeah I think we just underestimate as a viewer and I'm fortunate enough to know enough actors offline where I've had these conversations before whether whether it's people who do method acting or whether it's people who you know really try and get into character like you always hear about the stories of like how Jared Leto when he was becoming the Joker was sending people rats and human feces in their mail like literally like what if you send me human faces in my mail there'd be troubled I wouldn't be putting up with that you you and Jared Leto in a boxing match yeah there'll be a boxing movie then yeah but but you know that idea of like I think I think as viewers we don't re it's what I'm saying is like when I went on tour I was like I get it I get it now as viewers we don't get it because we don't really hear about the Deep process that actors go through of getting into a role playing someone with multiple personalities like you know that I don't know is that is that tough or is it actually or is that not as am I getting it wrong and that's not actually the tough part you're definitely not getting it wrong I think it's just different it's Case by case you know there are people like Jared who dive into their roles and they do things like sending people dead rats and stuff like that and they think that that's what they need to do I've always been really good at separating my onset emotions from my personal life emotions as a young kid I used to really heavily rely on my personal emotions to get them to come across on screen and I just found it really unhealthy I just found that like the line between my life and my character's life would be blurred and ultimately at the end of the experience of making the film I would be a very different person but not because of my experiences as Tom it would be because of my experiences as my character so I decided very early on to find certain techniques and certain ways to get into those emotions from a sort of technical point of view I never sit on set and think about my my mum getting sick or my or never speaking to my brothers again or something like that I never blur the lines with my personal life and my work life I always leave work at work there are jobs like the crowded room that are particularly taxing getting to those emotions on a daily basis is really difficult and really tiring but you know it's probably somewhat like Coldplay on their 89th show you just dig your heels in you realize you've got a job to do we're all wonderfully well paid there are people that work far harder for far less I recognize how lucky I am so I'm like if I need to cry today and tomorrow and the next 50 days in a row I'll do so yes it's difficult but I think your question I'm probably the worst person to ask that because I think I have like a really healthy outlook on how I achieve my emotions on set yeah um but I have worked with people that shut their bedroom door and just dive into the character and are pouring through the script every night and and are in character all the time and I admire them I don't necessarily think it's the healthiest way to go about it but yeah I've always been really strict on myself to leave my work at work obviously I come home and read the script and do all of my prep work but I'm not I'm leaving the character at work because it's too it's too much especially when you're playing a character like like Danny from the crowded room like you can't bring that into your personal life it's tough yeah yeah I mean that but I'm actually glad I asked it to you either way because what I'm actually hearing is you did it early on and you saw it wasn't healthy sure and so you actually found another way yeah and and it's really interesting because a lot of people may not have found another way or that is their way and that is their method and so it actually is interesting hearing it from your perspective because you're actually saying yeah I could have gone down that road sure I could see the dangers with it right and and obviously it depends on the roles too sorry you're gonna no it's just it's my acting coach Ben Perkins was my acting coach on my first film and that film's really really emotionally intense and we started off by doing things like can you imagine you know your mum passing or can you imagine things like that and I would cry instantly yeah and he was the one that actually recognized at a point this is too much for this young kid to kind of take so he devised these exercises where him and I could kind of have these fake arguments where I was as a 12 year old oh maybe I was older than that 13 year old could recognize that they were exercises and I would allow the emotion to kind of come from these kind of acting techniques let's call it so it was actually Ben that was the one that switched my my mindset I can't take credit for that yeah so you you live in L.A yeah so I moved to La five years ago yeah and I moved to the state seven years ago so I was in New York for the first two whereabouts in New York were you I was on 23rd Street near Flatiron okay nice so yeah it was good in in Manhattan and uh moved with my wife we were married for seven years together for ten fantastic and uh yeah it was it's just been really interesting mate it's like did you ever end up moving did you ever live in L.A or at all or in the US at all or have you always been in London so I thought we were talking about earlier I've kind of lived all over the place I've lived in L.A I've lived in New York I've lived in Atlanta you know I've lived in Cleveland which was amazing um so I I really like spending time in the states yeah we just obviously created a room we did a year in New York yeah we moved to drive Echo we started off in Midtown and Midtown for me was a bit of a nightmare it's all the schools are so I'd come home from work and I'd come outside and it's like all the biggest Spider-Man fans you've ever seen in your life yeah it's like the worst place all the kids we moved out to Tribeca to this amazing apartment which was really lovely we're very lucky to be down there but um but where so how do you find La I so you know it's really interesting because when I I moved to New York first yeah and I loved it I found New York to be just a big uh crazier London sure a bit more intense yeah yeah and I love London I'm a London boy through and through I went to University here my family's still here my wife's family is here everyone's amazing and so but but I enjoyed New York my wife didn't love New York and also at the same time I I started spending more time in LA for work and my wife and I just like fell more in love with each other when we were there and so that's what it was that Drew us there it wasn't really everyone's almost like oh I was it career I was like sure to be honest we went there for a month for work and we rented an apartment because we're going to be there for a month and we're living together there and we just loved living with each other there home as well at heart yeah exactly and so we were like all right we love it here why don't we pack our bags and move across and so we went back to New York two months later we moved over to L.A so it wasn't even you know and now we've been there for five years and the truth is that I I was really intentional when I moved somewhere so while I'm building my purpose and my work and my career which I absolutely love what I get to do every day and I I could never have dreamed of doing what I do to them super grateful but at the same time I was really intentional about building community and family and it was like an actual like thought process sure where I was like as well as you're always building the people you know at work you're always building relationships your high hiring employees and team members and everything at the same time I've got to think about actually making friendships because in London I got all my mates so I got my best man at my wedding I've been mates with rods for like 17 years like I've got people around me but in La I don't have that I don't have any family any friends I don't know anyone and so I really made an effort and now after five years I can honestly say you know obviously not in a wonderful way but the pandemic did help deepen some of those friendships because I was stuck with those people just like only could go deeper made some really good friends nice and so I feel happy there and I feel really connected to my purpose there and at the same time I love coming back to London right and hanging out with my mates and so I've and me and my wife made a decision when we moved that we would never say we lived anywhere we were just be allowed to go wherever we wanted to go so whenever my wife misses London she's back on a flight to London right she'll come live here for two months and come back whenever she wants amazing and it's the same for me and that kind of like not having a rule around you know obviously we're lucky to have that sure that's an amazing luxury to have yeah of course yeah and but yeah I I I share the same kind of outlook on it you know I couldn't really say I live anywhere I sort of live where the work is and when I'm not working I'm either here or in La yeah and uh and I'm so lucky to be able to sort of call the world my home I just go wherever the wind takes me yeah yeah exactly but that's glorious man yeah man yeah it's been good it's been good for me it's been good to me and and I think because of the work I do it very clearly lets people know whether I'd connect them or not I feel like my work is so obviously One Way sure that it's very easy because not everyone wants this in their life so it's kind of easy for people to be like no I'm not going to make any effort yet we're not gonna make lots of effort again so it kind of makes it very easy because my work is me do you find because of what you do and your skill set and your experiences and your life as a monk that people unload on you a lot yes like you might meet a new person and they're sort of saying well I'm feeling this way and I would love to try and get to a place of Enlightenment like that must happen to you a lot yes yeah a lot it can it can happen at the train station driving on a plane it can happen anywhere in the world yeah and do you welcome those conversations do you like having those sorts of conversations so I think it depends where we are sure and and it depends who it is and I always say to people as a disclaimer that I don't want to give you the belief that I can solve your life in 30 seconds yeah right all that I could ever solve your life for you totally just to be really clear that and I always say that to people because people are like Jay tell me what I need to do and I'll be like look I just wanted to be fully aware that I'm happy to share some insights with you but I don't have the power or gift or magical ability right right to transform your life and nothing I can say in 30 seconds I don't even want to take that responsibility on because we should really think about this like you should reflect on your life like especially when people are making big decisions where it's like Jay should I break up should I move country should I do this and I'm like we're not solving this in 30 seconds this is a bigger conversation yeah and I like people that takes the pressure off me but it also takes the pressure off them yeah because a lot it's not even about me this is about the fact that that person needs to make a really important decision and they're putting all the pressure of their life on that moment and actually I'm saying well let's just take it off and here's a few things I want you to reflect and think about sure and I know that will help you and you'll figure it out and so yeah I welcome them because I appreciate that I don't feel that I'm the one holding space and I don't believe that I'm the one who has the power to hold space I believe that the Universe holds space I believe that energetically that space is held for others and I don't feel I'm this powerful human being who's who's the one that everything rests on sure and has the answer to everything and I think that's what allows me to be liberated from it yeah or I'm not like I also don't put the pressure on myself going God I better say the most perfect thing for this I better change this person's life yeah and I can't and I don't and I think once upon a time I probably did feel that way like when you're when you're immature and you're an amateur in your work you almost feel like you have to have all the answers and I'm like you know what I don't and it's fine and actually people really appreciate it or you just chat to them and yeah you know and so yeah and and again you know I'm always happy to listen to someone when I can obviously there's sometimes when I'm like rushing late for a plane or yeah yeah I mean I can't I can't do it sure but I always stop and say hello give someone a hug and other questions yeah so I don't have answers your questions but no absolutely it does yeah I guess what's interesting what you're saying about making decisions something that I am constantly battling with myself is the inner battle between my gut and my brain I know that sounds really weird no like it's real I go with my gut a lot I'm very very very I think a lot of the decisions I make in life are very sort of instinctual I don't like to be bombarded with evidence and facts and all that sort of stuff I just like to feel a certain way about how I would like something to sort of transpire can be taking a film accepting a script doing a business deal buying a house like it's all sorts of different things through your monk life did you feel like you would rely on your kind of inner instincts rather than like getting the evidence of this is going to make you this much money or if you do that these are the risks how do you where do you stand with that sort of thing that's the most poorly worded question but you know what I mean no no no mate I think both I think this has been such a conversation that that is what a question sounds like in a conversation right and I've I think I've asked you fairly poorly worded questions today as well but I think that's what real Communications yeah yeah rather than like me I've got question one like right uh but no I I think I get what you're saying and if I go on the wrong track let me know but living is among you're trained to understand that everything exists in a certain mode and so I'll explain what that means and so in the monk philosophy there are three modes and the modes are the mode of ignorance the mode of passion and the mode of goodness and it's said that every decision every thought every action every intention every relationship can be in the mode of ignorance mode of passion or motor goodness and the mode of ignorance is where your relationships or any Act is based on insecurity or fear so when you're doing something out of fear or you're doing it out of insecurity or doing out of pressure that's considered the mode of ignorance and energetically we all feel that right like you know whether you be I would know whether you were being forced to do this interview today sure out of out of some sort of fear or some sort of whatever it may be the mode of passion is where you're doing something because you want a certain result you're doing it just for the reward you're doing it just because it's gonna get you what you want it's gonna get you to the goal okay and so that's considered the mode of passion and again energetically you can tell that when someone has an agenda or right someone wants something out of you I've come here to get my point across on something or right totally and then finally the mode of goodness is the energy of like I feel really at peace I feel really at ease this feels aligned with my values and therefore it feels like the right decision and so we were trained to sense energetically whether things felt like the mode of ignorance mother passion or more goodness which was a really helpful framework because sometimes things were really hard to just sense without knowing where it's at in terms of a characteristic that's so interesting and so that was really really helpful at the time and so I find that I'm I'm the same as you where I make decisions energetically yeah but I think having moved into the real world again I felt that I had to start getting used to understanding other elements kind of what you mentioned earlier which I loved which was like I wish they had a class on life at school because it's like you haven't paid your bill and you know you you know there's football players not paying their taxes or whatever it may be in like uh that may be for different reasons but anyway you get the point yeah there's some things that you just don't know and so what I've started to do and I've I've said this a few times and that's where it's a little formula that I use when I sit down with someone whether it's business whether it's relationships whether it's work even whether it's this the first thing is always energy that's my first gate that I that I want to get through and if I don't feel energetically aligned with someone then already there's no future here like it's not going really well and then the next thing I look at is strategically if it's business so if it's personal it's only energy but if it's business I look at well I like this person energetically do I think they're strategically aligned with where this has to go like do I think they can actually implement this do I believe because a lot of people have great energy but sure they don't know how to implement anything yeah and then finally I look at well does the money align does the monetary value align with the energy and strategy sure that's been my business version of what I love learned as among so what you're saying then that is a combination of both correct allowing like your gut your energy to kind of allow yourself to pursue further the opportunity yeah and then you take a sort of mental look at it to be like I'm accepting the opportunity from a emotional point of view now I need to see if it makes sort of logical sense correct and if it doesn't then we're going to stop there again right right yeah exactly so I've I've found that more useful for me because I found that energetically I can get excited about a lot of stuff yeah and the same yeah and I'm and I'm that kind of person and again I never want to block that sure at the same time I think we have to become more selective with our opportunities and know when to say no and know how to manage stuff and that's at least helped me sure so again I'm not saying anyone has to live like that I'm just no it's interesting it's really interesting I am very much like go off my gut yeah I tell you what my mum is an unbelievable judge of character wow and I think she might have without knowing what you're talking about where she can pick up on people's energies yeah because we can meet a new person as a family we've met this new person the three of us could love this new person and another three could not like this new person and my mom will be like no no don't like that person and then within six months all of us like to remember that person that we were really good friends with for a little bit she's really got a Keen Eye for people that we would get along with yeah she's amazing like that mums are like that now that you say that all my mates who let me down when I was a teenager but your mom could have pointed out yeah every time and I was like Mom no they're my best friend I'm never gonna leave them they're like a brother to me and then like seven months later the person stabbed you in the back and then you're like oh yeah like you know but the good thing about mums is they wouldn't judge you for it yeah you know they're like look I told you but you have to make your own yeah yeah exactly exactly but I it's interesting that you've been able to hold on to that and I love that do you feel like you were asking me about moving to LA and I I think what have you felt and there's a part of you that's obviously wanting to be back in Kingston be back too sure have you felt that there's been parts of yourself that have been challenged I don't feel sitting with you today that you know I I don't know you before I don't know you after I've only met you today so I I can't judge who you are or what you enjoy all I can say is that when I'm sitting with you today I feel like I'm sitting with an authentic individual and your energy comes across very easily thank you do you feel like you've had to hold on to that at times with opportunities challenges the industry or or is that all stuff that we kind of make up in our heads and it's actually just be yourself and you're fine I really don't know the answer to that question I I I've definitely walked away from a lot and I think had I not walked away from certain situations let's just put it at that I would be a very different person today I've been really good at keeping in touch with my friends keeping my family close listening to the lessons not getting caught up in the Hollywood hype like I really am a massive fan of making movies but I really do not like Hollywood it is not for me that the business really scares me I understand that I'm a part of that business and I enjoy my kind of interactions with it but that said I am always looking for ways to kind of remove myself from it to kind of just live as normal a life as possible today doing this is a very rare thing for me to do like in London to come in and speak to someone about my life is something I would not typically do but because I'm a fan of yours and I was Keen to kind of hear what you had to say and chat to you today I felt like this would be a safe space for me to do that um but yeah I definitely think it has been an ongoing thought which is Don't Lose Yourself I've seen so many people come before me and lose themselves and I've had friends that I've grown up with that aren't friends of mine anymore because they've lost themselves to this business and I just am really really Keen to focus on what makes me happy which is my family it's my friends it's my carpentry my golf um the charity that my mum runs like that is the stuff that makes me really happy and that's the stuff that I should protect my relationship is the thing that I keep most sacred I don't talk about it I try my best to keep it as private as possible we both feel very strongly that that is the healthiest way for us to to move on as a couple um so I do try to keep as removed from it as possible like you'll never see me at an award show that I don't have to be at I'm never going to a red carpet event that I'm not in the film of you know I don't want the attention when I don't need it I love the spotlight I love the pressure that comes with it just watch that tennis documentary breaking point I haven't seen it yet you've got to see it it's amazing I never realized how brutal tennis was I've always been a huge tennis lover I am now absolutely in awe of what those athletes go through but there's a quote from Billie Jean King that's on the um stand at her Stadium in New York that says pressure is a privilege and that is so true like oh my God feeling pressure on a daily basis in the capacity that we feel is such a privilege I love feeling pressure I feel like I thrive Under Pressure the best golf I've ever played in my life is when there are cameras around and people are watching I just think that that is a real amazing thing to be able to experience so I enjoy it while I can and then when it becomes a bit much I kind of become a bit of a recluse and I disappear I come back to Kingston I play golf I play tennis I hang out with my friends and my family do the pub quiz and and all that sort of stuff yeah um so yeah so it is something I actively try to do as I get older it only gets easier yeah yeah absolutely yeah and I I can I can relate to that where in in my in my small way or in my world where a lot of my friends think like I'm in a Layla always at events always applies I'm not I'm like in bed by 9 30 p.m right and I only live there because it works for me in in the world that I do and what I do and sure and and I enjoy living in LA but it's it I don't live there for Hollywood and I think that's often the perception as well it was like oh you're all Hollywood now and I'm like well no not really like I I don't re I don't really go to all the events and Gatherings and stuff unless I need to be there or sure I'm connected to a project so so I relate to that what you mentioned a few things there but if I had to ask you is Tom when do you feel most to yourself like when do you feel most connected or and what are you trying to reconnect to if you're like well I know what it is but I'm still figuring it out again I think what I feel most myself is to do with my relationships I'm going to leave that and not talk about that absolutely but I think the other thing and this is such a stupid thing but it's when I'm playing good golf like there's something about how golf is the most humbling sport in the world who you are doesn't matter how much money you've got how successful you are golf will batter you no matter who you are and I love that's what I love about it you know it's such a leveling sport I love going to a golf course and meeting new people that I've never played with before playing around a golf I struggle when I don't play badly like I've got a bit of a temper and like you're supposed to have 14 clubs in your bag I currently have nine and you can probably guess why um but I I just love being outside I've always been an outdoorsy person I love being on the golf course I love my mates they all love playing golf there's just something about the challenge of shooting lower than your lowest score that really kind of takes my mind off of the work the interesting thing about golf is that you could be having a terrible day you could be really upset about something and if you play really well you completely forget about it if you play really badly you then are playing badly because of what's happening outside of golf it's like a really weird kind of Catch-22 I guess yeah um but I love it I think when I'm playing good golf is when I feel most like myself yeah wow that's that's a that's a unique answer but I get it yeah yeah I've only ever played golf like twice in my life right and I totally get the point of how humbling it is is horrendous no matter how quickly you pick up other things in life golf is not one of those things that you pick up that easily oh man you can sign the biggest deal of your life and go out to play golf to celebrate and it'll ruin your day like absolutely rude don't go to play golf to sell them no never gonna celebrate no crazy do you play do you still play any sport I love playing football when I'm back here okay so that's one of the things my mates know that when I'm back in London okay we're gonna play a game where do you play well we'll just we we're just playing like a seven aside pitch with a five-side pitch like close to Northwest London which is where most my mates are so like stanmore edgware Watford that's like where all my men mates are and so we'll just go rent a pitch kick a ball about I'm not any good anymore sure but I still got the full kit and the size yeah I always look dressed up I've actually got Neymar's kit like from him oh wow so you best believe I'll show up to five aside in his full kick I love it I love it we went on a Lads holiday to Portugal recently to play golf and at the resort we were staying at the the people were so nice they said let's have an England versus Portugal football match there was like I think there's eight of us and there was a bunch of Brits that were working at the resort so they kind of joined our team and we literally did England versus Portugal it's a full-size pitch we did 60 Minutes 30 minutes each way I'm fit I train every day I absolutely love my fitness I really really like I'm into it by the end I could not make Five Paces without my legs cramping up they are so fit these football players it's unbelievable and we won and it's so funny how the first 10 minutes of the game was really friendly like soft fouls sorry mate like your free kick and by the end it was Savage it was really intense wow at least you won there we won I got an assist it's actually a glorious assist as well actually I just I pinged the ball over the top my brother made a run and it bounced and he managed to get his foot to it and he chipped The Keeper in school it was but there's no footage there's no footage yeah no proof yeah no proof I sometimes think when the whole no-proof thing like we had the craziest experience of my life the other day I'll tell you about it because our lives are so crazy like there's no why would I lie but the other day we went swimming with killer whales in Mexico I said the other day it was last year and it was one of the most humbling experiences of my life there's no proof of it there's no evidence because it was so off the cuff we weren't planning on doing it so most people I tell are like you definitely didn't do that but we we were in we were in Mexico and we were on a boat and we just so happened to see this pot of orca Jack my security guard thought it'd be a good idea to jump in he jumped straight in flippers on goggles on and we were driving to keep up with the whales because they were kind of following our boat so by the time Jack had jumped in he was like this he was like 100 meters away and you could see him and the whales were like swimming around him so I'm starting to freak out because he's a good friend of mine and he's just securing yeah and he's my security I'm like Jack we gotta get back to the hotel bro um so I said to the guy like excuse me sir can you turn around and go and get my friend because we now can't see him anymore like he's gone we found him we got him back in the boat and he sort of said like Lads you have to get in there it's unlike anything you've ever seen before my brother Harry's like Googling whether or not it's safe to swim with them and it's sort of the general consensus online is don't go swimming with killer whales you can there's never been a recorded attack in the wild but they are wild animals as big as a bus and also Jack's giving it like don't worry Tom I'll be there I'll look after you I'm like Jack what are you gonna do bro like what's this whale decides to eat me so anyway we put the flippers on put the goggles on we find the whales they're sort of interacting with the back of the boat they're clearly curious and I just thought like I guess it goes back to what you're saying the mode of ignorance I just was like I'm gonna try it see what happens I jumped in my brother jumped in Jack jumped in we kind of came together with 30 miles out of the coast so it's literally like dark blue water nothing below us and to my relief the whales had gone we couldn't see them so I'm sort of thinking oh well that's actually a bit of a touch at least I can say I jumped in and they have gone but then Jack said look down and we look down and it came from beneath us and what has been such an interesting experience for me was as soon as I saw the whale I wasn't scared anymore because I could just tell that it wasn't going to eat me you I don't know I don't know how to explain it but you could just see from its body language I remember it so vividly it swam up to us it was maybe 10 meters below us and it was kind of motionlessly sort of just looking at us and then it kind of rolled on its back it did this weird thing where it kind of put its head like this and you could see its eye like we were having this crazy like moment and then it just swam off and it was gone and then for three hours afterwards I couldn't speak I had the biggest adrenaline dump I just basically was asleep but it was such an amazing experience to sort of meet the apex predator of the world and it kind of look at you and just swim away most people don't believe me because I believe you there's no evidence but it was I think about it now and then you know it's so funny as well I see these ice like our planet there's there's more footage of orcas hunting and another way in which they hunt there is no way I would do that again yeah there's no way I'd get in there again but yeah it was amazing hearing you explain it is like you're so present yeah that you can tell that you just you were so present in that moment like you stopped thinking about like oh well you know if I tell this Afters and no one's gonna believe me or whatever it is you're just like wait a minute yeah you know nature makes you present like that and that's what I love about nature is it's completely unbiased as well like if that whale wanted to have a snack then you know it's not looking at you going oh no but that's a famous person and I've got to leave him alone or it just you are at one with Mother Nature we're in the middle of the ocean there's nothing we could do and we just were able to enjoy somewhat maybe like being in the cave like you were saying it was just about us and this whale my brother and I were holding hands but then as soon as it presented itself to us any stress just dissipated yeah and it was just this unbelievable experience and it was so leveling it was so humbling that it makes me feel like I can take on certain things so is it honestly even thinking about the experience down my heart is racing yeah I can imagine yeah it was it was wild yeah it was a coolness unbelievable that's that's an incredible experience and it is different from the cave though because I do think it's it's different when you're with another living being sure and so that's what I found like my my closest experience to what you're talking about is I went trekking with well looking for mountain gorilla in Rwanda last night oh that's have you been on top of my list I would love to okay yeah we we should do it I would do that again any day because it was unbelievable so you're not again these gorillas are not like in a park or something no no they're mountain gorilla they're in their world and you go and look for them and there's no tagging devices or any Tech there's people who've watched the gorilla for so many years that they know where their droppings are they know where families hang out they know what their routines are so depending on what time you're going out there's someone who's just around them who's calling their friend uh calling your guide saying walk this this is where you've got to go exactly just just to make it very very clear that you know among the gorilla is being treated very well uh so you're literally looking around and you could be on the lookout for them for like two to six hours wow you may not find them you're just hiking see I love that yeah you might not find it you might not find them so we found them in two hours one group that we heard about because you go in smaller groups of like 10. the other group that we're friends with they took eight hours to find gorillas but they saw them too and when I went I was kind of like oh we're gonna see one gorilla whatever like they're gonna be far away like I was a bit skeptical because I didn't know how it was going to be and it was incredible because we looked around for two hours and I'll show you the video afterwards but we got and we just saw them like hanging out kind of like oh I'm looking at everyone here just hanging out still and then all of a sudden they all started walking together and there was a family of 20 gorillas wow it's got two silver backs that are like you know they're like they're fists are like you know they're just huge yeah exactly and and it was really interesting because the guides who were there with us they said to us that when you go most of them kind of like and this is why I remembered it and why I'm telling you it's because when you were talking about the way the whale looked at you and it was kind of like you knew it wasn't going to eat you yeah yeah and today we're saying that when you get close to these gorillas the only thing you can't do is you can't touch their kids and you can't touch them yeah so you can't drop something near their kids and then try to get it back because they'll think you're trying to harm their kids but what they recommended was they said you had to make this sound when you see them and this sound means we come in peace and so the sound was we'll play around with it yeah and so I'm walking around so we go to the gorilla and we get close to them and I made that sound because we were told they will make that sound and then the gorilla did it back and it was just unbelievable and then there was this one moment where we were walking and we were literally surrounded by Gorilla now I was getting it and that's when I was like a bit scared because they were like all around us and like literally if they ran at you like I'm done yeah you know nothing you can do nothing nothing you can do and so we're walking they're walking around us and this massive Silverback came up so I'm uh my business manager was with me as well and so he's there he's like my godfather in L.A like he really takes care of me so very close to him and so this big um this big gorilla that walks behind him and I'm looking at him going oh man like he stopped and we're all looking at him because he's got this massive silver back behind him and I'm and we're all like how do we tell him to move and the guy's like just be still like just you know be really present like you can't freak out and the gorilla just went wow behind him way and just walk fast wow and it was just it was that same presence that you're feeling that I felt with them and that's what I mean the living being with another living being is is spectacular so do you think that level of ease comes from the helpless nature of being in the presence of an animal that could do to you whatever they want to like I think part of the reason why I felt so calm when the whale had come up was because there was nothing we could do should it go sideways yeah and I think being almost finding that kind of inner piece of like I've made my mind this is the choices I've made I'm here now there's nothing I can do it's almost like you should make peace with your choices I guess yeah I don't know no no no I think that's I think you've actually taken it somewhere really beautiful mate I I think for me as well it's humility yeah that's what and like when you when you meet someone new rarely are we humble sure we we often feel the pressure to be like well look at who I am you know or we're trying to create even if it's not out of ego there's a certain sense of like wanting to gain people's like and respect yeah whereas your last people no matter what I do this whale or gorilla is not going to like or respect me sure so I better just be humble about it yeah and at peace as you said and it levels you and it levels you and it and it allows that human being that that being also of course it's not you know of course we're not record there's no we're not recommending that you just go into these places oh yeah yeah but the idea being that I do think there's something magical about nature where humility is kind of Nature's Way and it is that what you're saying that when you're at peace with your choices and you're at peace with here we are here I am I can't do anything and guess what it's okay right that's what I'm saying yeah yeah it's somewhat sort of like I've made a decision if the decision is a mistake you've got to live with it because you made it yes I want to talk about um Sports because I was thinking so I I play a lot of tennis play a lot of football love it I play a lot of pickleball now you play because guys that's have become a theme yeah but I'm massively more into paddle I don't know if you've ever I love paddle time I love paddles so I found that to blow up in the US but it's not going to so when I went to Dubai and I went to Miami and I went to Madrid because they're big in Spain mate are they playing it here yeah my local Tennis Club has got two courts no like you can't book them they're so sold out all right honestly paddle tennis I love tennis yeah I think tennis is one of the best sports in the world yeah and I think that you know they are the highest performing athletes some of in the world but it's really hard doing this yeah like I find unless I'm playing with someone who's much better than me I don't play well like I really I I need to be chasing someone yeah paddle tennis is so social it's it's easy to have great rallies you still get the the uh the satisfaction of really smacking a ball because pickle is it's all about placement and and trying to kind of one-up your opponent whereas playing at the kitchen and just yeah exactly yeah why is it called a kitchen I have no idea and I do that's so I play pickle like paddle right because I'm I'm like no I'm in Wisconsin yeah it's like why I do like pickle um but paddle tennis that is amazing next time yeah yeah paddles paddle's one of my favorite favorite I was in Dubai uh with a client for work for months a couple of years back I played it every day for three months that's great exercise yeah it's the best workout the most fun like time just flew is amazing but I was bringing it back to sports because I was saying I was saying you know you you personally tried to recruit and for Tottenham I did yeah and and I just thought that was amazing because I was like I've never seen this ever happen before where you know someone's using their clout in the right way listen I saw him I'm a mad Tottenham fan and I just thought now's my chance and he said no the deal didn't go through no signing bonus for myself that was a crazy trip that going to the Ballon d'Or yeah we were there for Spider-Man Spider-Man was coming out I'm not really sure how that was promo for Spider-Man but like it was part of our trip for some reason but it was amazing meeting these players and and I admire them so much it's incredible when you can notice other athletes and other greatness and I see that at the top we're talking we've talked a lot today about and you're really good at this like you really I feel like I feel like you're quite tuned in to like admiring and observing greatness and like the one percent and trying to figure out what they're doing differently and I think that's one of the things I've definitely seen of the one percent is that there's a humility in that they have the ability to appreciate other people's greatness and skills and values and purpose like they're not looking at it going I'm the best of all time sure there's a part of that they may have to say that for the cameras or they may have to say that before they go on the pitch but actually if you talk to them and you ask them about someone else they'll be like yeah best best player I've ever seen like they're incredible yeah so who did you admire growing up in acting who do you admire today like who have been the people that and maybe on a mindset level or maybe on a or a performance level as well there are definitely performances of people that I look up to there are there are the types of careers of certain actors that I really admire they're also like the the types of lives that certain people lead that I really admire and that I really aspire to sort of be like um I tend to let all of my admiration go towards athletes I'm just so blown away by what they can do Under the pressure that they're under me as an actor I realize that my job is a high pressure job because it reaches millions of people but that said there are so many people that help me get to where I need to be I get picked up someone makes me breakfast someone writes the words I'm supposed to say someone chooses my costume someone does my hair and makeup someone sets the camera up ultimately I walk onto set and I do my bit but I'm a small part in a massive machine but when you look at someone like Djokovic or Federer or you know this new alcaraz you know or the golfers or Lewis is slightly different because formula one is so much about the team and the car and all that sort of stuff they have to do it themselves at a certain point there's only so much help they can get but then when they walk onto that court for the first time when they walk into the ring or into the octagon it's them by themselves they're under that amount of pressure it's up to them whether they deliver or not and I just have always been admiring of seeing some of the greats lose their win streak and come back even stronger I've always really been an admirer of people that are able to do that I think it's a Folly when you see these win streaks of 50-0 and all that sort of stuff and you're like well that to me isn't what a champion is a champion is someone who had it all lost it all and got it right back again Tyson Fury story is a crazy one I'd love to see AJ come back and be on top again because I'd love to be alive to witness that Legacy that he would leave behind you know I feel sorry for him what happened to him when he sort of seem to really lose it a little bit in the ring when he took the microphone and I'd love to see him back on top and to to have some clarity and and To Be A Champion again because I admire him as an athlete so I saved most of my admiration for asking yes and musicians I love musicians I see someone like Ed Sheeran yeah 80 000 people in the palm of his hand I think comedians are equally as talented the ability that they can just go on stage and make people laugh that is terrifying actors for me because it's what I do yeah yeah it's like you know yeah yeah I get what you're saying I get what you're saying and at the end of the day it's just it's it's taking what you can from from what you Aspire for right like you you can take something from all these people right and what I love about it some of these people you know some of these people you don't but I always say to people who are listening and watching that you can be mentored by people you've never met you're right and I think that's a really important skill to gain because I think we live in a world right now where somewhat access has come easier and we always think we need access to people directly in order to learn from them but you don't know everyone you've just mentioned even though you may know a couple of them closely and and same with me like I was really fortunate you know growing up as a teenager I got introduced to like Martin Luther King's work and Malcolm X's work and I was reading crazy stuff for that age but it had a massive impact on my mindset I never met all those people and obviously would never have got the opportunity to do that but I feel mentored by them yeah without ever having sat in the same room miss them because you study like how they made decisions and you study what they said and what they wrote what they stood for what they stood for and how and and the parts that you don't hear through history the parts that were actually more difficult and of course the parts where they weren't the perfect hero right and so all of that kind of stuff but Tom before we go to the final five you've been so gracious with your time today I have to ask you if if you want to clarify the hurricane situation because I'll tell you what the reason why I say this is I had the dream so I'm a Manchester United Support everyone on my community knows that very well right uh I have always had the dream that Harry Kane when Wayne Rooney retired Harry Kane was going to come to Manchester United Okay and he was going to follow in the footsteps of all the great England forwards that have played okay for Manchester United that didn't happen no I'm still holding on to that dream but you want him to go somewhere else well listen listen let me just clarify right I love Harry Kane I love humans on human son is my favorite football player he is a hero I love Tottenham I'm a big Tottenham fan but I just I know that those players could Thrive and have the best careers ever I just want to see I want to see Harry lifting a trophy and I want to see son there by him and and I just don't think you're rooting for the individual yeah yeah I'll always be a Tottenham fan you know I love being a Spurs fan my brother Harry and I you know we've really bonded over it but I just you know Harry Kane's one of the best strikers in the world yeah and um he would fit into almost any team and I'd love to see him on top yeah and uh interesting question do you think he would have had a similar season to Harland had he gone to see oh oh that's uh I I personally think because I think Holland's amazing I think Harland with his age his strength and his mentality you know what's crazy about Harland is I saw this interview and you know obviously it hurts me to say it but City and all but when Harlan did this interview he just scored like can't remember which game it was he's unbelievable he scored like five goals that game and he was like I should have had seven and and the interview was like come on though take some credit like you scored five goals and he was like yeah I'm I'm happy with that but he goes you know there were a couple of assists that should have gone in and I thought that mentality yeah that's a Winner's mindset that's a Winner's mindset I was like he was he knew exactly which opportunities he missed and I was like so I think it's an AIDS thing yeah it's a strength thing I feel like Harlan's kind of like I've always compared Harlan to like Ivan Drago like he was made in the lab right right he was made like he was manufactured yeah yeah this incredible talent I think he's good with like he he admits like he scores a lot of tap-ins and I think that's his game yeah but man there's no he's on a scorecard you know not in a good way yeah totally I'm saying like he's been built in that way in City play that way I don't know if Kane's a tapping guy like sure he's he's his goals have generally been a bit more diverse in that sense yeah magic is the way I'll describe Kane yeah no I love him and obviously it's a typical thing of like the presser out saying oh Tom Holland's begging Kane to leave I'm not begging him to leave I love that he's at our club because I'd be terrified to see where we'd be without him but I'd just love to see him have the career I know he could have yeah what do you think of Jude Bellingham to Madrid I think that's a great move I love that and what's even what's interesting is that all of my friends in Spain are from Barcelona I have one friend from Madrid I've always been a big boss to support her because I used to go to Barcelona all the time as a kid I had a few weekends where I'd say to my mum and dad I'm going to my friend's house and I would go to Barcelona straight away I got caught my mum called me up and was like where are you I was I was trying to say I was at my friend's house she said no you're not because I'm here and I was in LA ramblast in Barcelona um but I just I just love players I think Drew bellum's amazing and you know I just love to see what he could do there yeah I think it's the thing for me is I love Legacy I love seeing what players can do I'm less about the teams that's what I love about tennis or golf you know it's not about the team it's about the player so I would just love to see what he could do there and you know I'm sure one day we'll see England raise a trophy and we've got such a great young team and and um I admire them all but yeah I think it's a great move for him he's only 19 or something like that it's in San Diego's 19. and that's wild incredible he's a year older than my brother Patty that's mental mate oh you've been amazing today honestly this is yeah yeah this has been some of the most fun I've had in a long time yeah thank you thank you I appreciate it I want to ask we ask everyone the final five and so these are the fast five questions okay which means answers have to be one word to one sentence maximum okay no more than that done okay uh and you don't have to write or spell them out so no no no problem you'll be a long story none of that all right so Tom Holland these are your final five uh question one what is the best advice you've ever received to turn your nerves into excitement I like that that we've never had done the show loved that all right second question what is the worst advice you've ever received move to LA get a marijuana license and buy a hot tub who told you that Mark will work that's brilliant now he told me that on a chat show so I don't know if that was legit advice but I did didn't take his advice okay good who would you have been if you took that advice who knows yeah who knows um all right question number three what's the first thing you do every morning and the last thing you do every night make my bed it's the first thing I do and the last thing I do before I go to bed admittedly is I check my emails which I shouldn't do but that is what I do yeah it's bad yeah we asked that just to make you aware of what you need to change I do need to change that making my bed is a good start I used to never do that and now like my first thing I do is I make my bed that's on my first challenge of the day it's a good it's an easy one to get done question four what's something you're trying to learn at the moment I'm currently taking golf lessons and uh we see a trending it's not going very well where are you at at the moment thing is with golf is that the golf swing is a very very particular thing so in order to get better you do have to take quite a few steps backwards I've taken maybe 25 sets backwards but I will I will benefit from it eventually are you doing every day every day every day but I practice everything I've always said that to my wife I was like I want to go away for a month and I want to get a Trader I'm going to play golf every single day oh man I know great anyway yeah that's the only I had a really so one of my clients took me to pxg in Arizona yeah which is like this beautiful place Bob Parsons place and I had a coach there for two days and I was like half decent after two days because the coach was so good yeah right and when I got back to LA I tried to get a coach and I couldn't find a good one and then I had a coach that literally he came highly recommended but it didn't work out for me he he didn't let me take like 0.7 of a swing before he gave me feedback and I was like I just need to hit a few like I need to kind of just and it was like every time I was about to hit the Boy Bill nope sure sure I was like I just need to kind of like get a feel for it and so the guy I go to is a guy called James Heath okay and he does most of his teachings off a feel so about numbers it's not about results it's more about how do you feel I he he calls it the feels so like I'm working on twisting my hips more in my backswing and he will say to me how does that make you feel like physically where do you feel the stretch where do you feel the pain where do you feel the pinch that's what I need you to feel and I coming from a dancer's background that's a really great way for me to learn because everything in dancing is about feel yeah um so if you need a great teacher in London James Heath is thank you thank you shout out James yeah shout out James Fifth and final question if you could create one law that everyone else in the world had to follow what would it be um I don't know I don't know what one law would solve the most amount of problems what would you say curious I'd probably go to something you said earlier if I'm giving a genuine answer like a real answer is I really wish there was a life school I mean like I I that would be it because I'm not saying that would solve all the problems in the world no but it would set people up and when I say life school I mean emotional Mastery I mean 100 ego master I mean the ability to be kind and empathetic and vulnerable and compassionate and create safe spaces I think a life school that taught you how to be non-judgmental sure and non-critical of others without understanding them I think sure that's what I mean by life school so not just they're like paying taxes and bills and stuff yeah but the Life School of like well what if what if we didn't have to live in a world where we just said everything we wanted to and did everything we wanted to and got away with it and you know but I think life the life lesson for me should be basic health and CPR and basic first aid training it should be like you said creating an environment at school where young people feel more comfortable talking about themselves what they're going through you know things that might be happening at home or things that are happening at school like I think that that would be an amazing way for us to be more expressive and more comfortable expressing and again like I know I keep going back to it but it's about what my show is about which is you should feel empowered when asking for help it should be something that you're proud of like you're recognizing that you have an issue it might be an internal issue it might be an external issue but you are seeking help which I think is very admirable yeah yeah absolutely yeah I do encourage and recommend everyone go watch the crowded room I I personally loving it with my wife honestly like I I barely watch TV shows if I'm completely honest and uh it's because I I like something that makes me think and reflect and you know and entertain me at the same time sure and I think it does a brilliant job of doing all three like it's gripping I'm like trying to figure out what's going on next nice at the same time I'm like it's it's amazing watching you being able to be this very different character to what we know you as sure and that's really impressive so even like even on a performance level I'm like I'm forgetting that you are Spider-Man nice right like and that's that's how I watch movies where I'm like can I forget right who this person is and or are they playing a caricature of themselves obviously and with you I'm like I don't even think to think it's you right right right now I'm talking to you and I've been watching the show I'm like oh it's not even the same person sure and and that is really really impressive on a performance standpoint so well thank you so much I really appreciate it yeah thank you mate thank you if you love this episode you'll love my interview with Kobe Bryant on how to be strategic and obsessive to find your purpose our children have become less imaginative about how to problem solve and parents and coaches have become more directive and trying to tell them how they behaviors is teaching them how to behave

Channel: Jay Shetty Podcast

Views: 1,416,953

Keywords: Jay Shetty Inspiration, Jay Shetty Motivation, Jay Shetty Video, Self help, Self improvement, Self development, jay shetty interview, jay shetty podcast, tom holland, tom holland interview, tom holland spiderman, tom holland and zendaya, mental health, addicted, addiction, the dark side of acting, sobriety, tom holland sober, the crowded room, social anxiety, drinking problem, alcohol addiction, alcohol addiction recorvery, tom holland podcast, tom holland acting advice

Id: GOqEl4ADyVk

Length: 110min 51sec (6651 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 10 2023

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[u/Ordinary_Extent5984]

I really enjoyed this episode. I am not much of a Jay Shetty podcast listener but I enjoy Tom and always love watching clips of his interviews. I still have a half hour left, but he seems like a really down to earth dude.