KIM KARDASHIAN OPENS UP About Insecurity, Healing Your Pain, & Finding HAPPINESS | Jay Shetty

wait a minute I'm trying to make everyone happy I'm doing all this stuff for everyone else but myself let me just like pull back a second focus on myself and then it seemed like everyone else was happier the best-selling author and host the number one Health and Wellness podcast on purpose with Jay Shetty when was the last time you went somewhere where someone didn't know who you were or actually was there a moment where someone said to you who are you what do you do like when was the last time you had an interaction like that you know what in Japan it's like that you know everyone's really respectful even if they might recognize you they don't ask for photos and it's a really amazing experience I think it's important you know just to listen I love my life I love everything that comes along with it I am not complaining but um a little glimpse of that I think especially for the little ones is so good yeah no that's that's that's definitely a beautiful experience I think it's nice for everyone to feel wanted and loved and then also feel unseen yeah like we almost crave both of those I was thinking about it today you're always surrounded by film Crews and you know you have like 352 million people that follow you on Instagram I wonder do you ever do you prioritize time alone do you get time alone and what does that look like I do I get up really early my morning workout really is my I don't want to say therapy session because it's not like I'm really communicating things but even if I'm quiet and I'm in my zone that's my mental health check every morning I love my workout it keeps me sane I can't say that enough that's my time in the morning then as soon as everyone starts to get up for school the madness happens and it's about two hours of Madness from getting four kids ready in the morning fed out the door Aunt to school I drop off school every day and then I have a little bit of time I'd say about 20 minutes driving back where I just blast my music I don't take any calls that's my alone time I love it and then I get to the house and I start my full work day and I'm committed and focused and then The Madness of bath time bedtime dinner time and once four babies are asleep and I just cherish that time at night when everyone's asleep and I can watch whatever show I want and just have some alone time so I do take the time for myself I think it's really important yeah absolutely you said something beautiful before we started recording and I I definitely want to go in that direction because you were talking about the different platforms and how you can show different parts of yourself but you came here because there was something specific and I'd love to hear that because I want to go in that direction with you I love your podcast I've seen it and I've seen I think I just love seeing the the reels that pop up with just a quick message that'll get you through the day that'll remind you who you are remind you what you need to come across and see at that moment and that day and carry you through the day yeah so I think it's important for people to express like how they feel and who they are a little bit deeper and what's in their heart and I think that's kind of what this podcast is about yeah and I think thank you for trusting me I really do value that and I don't take it for granted uh but the interesting thing there is I feel like there's a beautiful statement in Japanese culture says that we have three faces one face we show to the world the second phase we show to our friends and family and the third face no one sees and I wonder when you're talking about your values and who you are what's the part of you that you think no one gets to see in all these other places that you want to share today um all my faces but I do think that people pick and choose what they want to take from you I do share journeys of mine that have been challenges whether it's like law school and different projects and how starting a business and all of that I definitely weave that in throughout but I think that anytime you have the opportunity to express yourself in a more meaningful way I think it's always a good thing to do especially since I'm just a big fan of you and what you represent and who you are so I always love to share my tips and anything that I've learned along the way because God knows it is not easy yeah like parenting is so hard family Dynamics relationships it is so hard it's really interesting you say that because when I was speaking to your mom she was saying that about you she was saying that you're the person that for anyone in your family no matter how busy you are you'll go completely out of your way she was telling me about a particular incident but she was just saying that you will just dive in book everyone on the flight get everyone there get to that person help them support them and and even when it's someone who's not directly connected to you but is indirectly connected and yeah I'm sure you know what I'm talking about but the idea of just you you reached that far out and when I was hearing that about you from her I was thinking that that takes so much compassion and care from your side and those are not two words that on some of the other platforms that people may hear about you but but that's what I'm getting talking to your mother about you and I wonder how have you I feel families the cause for so much stress for people it's the cause for so much anxiety for people and as you said it's hard how have you continued to lean in to compassion and care even when it's easier to compare and criticize and complain well with family I mean I was always raised like no matter what blood is thicker than water there's no other options so we definitely go through our things as sisters there's no other options like we will work it out like We are family we are sisters we will figure it out and I think you just have to I think also more compassion comes with age and the more things that you've been through and especially I think my heart has opened up so much in that space just spending time even with people behind bars that I'm fighting for and I might not have even had the slightest idea of what someone's gone through or even understood taking the time to listen to people more than maybe speaking and making it about yourself and my compassion has just grown and my empathy has grown on another level you can't really judge people for their Pace on when they choose to really want to dig deep into their own compassion and empathy and when people choose to grow and evolve but it's so nice to have people that support that journey and grow with you because once you realize that this life really isn't about you and it's about helping as many people as you can all these like doors open up for you and your mind just opens up and it's a really great place to be when you feel like you have enough when you would Chase things for so long and when you just feel content it's such a good place to be and it's such an like allows for so much more compassion I think and I want everyone to go back and listen to that but I feel like you just beautifully defined compassion and I'm gonna try and reiterate what you just said yeah it was just it was so well said because I think people think about compassion as care and you just Define it by pace and I think when you're patient for the pace at which people grow and evolve that actually is compassion there's nothing worse when someone is like so woke and they've they're on this therapy journey and they expect you to be right there with them but it's a beautiful thing to sit back and watch people make mistakes learn from their mistakes grow and evolve and just be there to hold their hand and support them I think that's what anyone would want I've seen so many people on these like self-help Journeys that just aren't as happy you know and I think you just have to like sit back and do what works for you and move at your own pace and understand that it's okay that you're not at the same level as someone else yeah I mean I'm just such a like everything happens the way it's supposed to I love just people in their own Journeys and I I never try to be so preachy or to think that someone has to be in my place and at the level where I've evolved to it's great when your friends have the same kind of epiphanies as you and you want the same things but then sometimes it's just not like that yeah yeah definitely there's you brought two things to my mind one was what real love is like when you really love your family you don't love them because they change yeah you're patient with them as they try to change that's what love is because they may or may never get to the other side and the other thing that came to mind is something my teachers would often tell me my monk teaches they would often repeat to me that you're never trying to get someone to the next step in your journey you're trying to get them to the next step in their Journey yeah and I think you're so right that when we're doing self-work we are constantly preaching to other people about the things we want to hear yeah and the things we want to do yeah and like self-work can just be so different for so many people you know like my morning workouts I swear that's my self-work my drive in the car every day blasting whatever music I want to like that is my meditation that's my zone and that works for me you know when I need help and I need help figuring out different parenting things and different methods that I can use I will reach out and get the help that I need when I need it for sure but I also think there's just there's no like right method of what works for everyone you know it's like whatever works for you good for you yeah yeah absolutely absolutely I feel like when when people see you and even even now you're talking you have so much trust in yourself or trust in your inner voice that doesn't mean you I don't believe you're saying I always get it right or this is the only way what you're actually saying is I've learned to trust my voice and I wonder was there a time when you didn't trust that voice and or can you remember the first time where you started to hear it like I remember the first time I really started to hear my voice deeply was probably when I was 14 years old and that's when I could hear this voice inside of myself that was like Jay this is who you are this is what you care about this is what matters to you you don't need to be this or be that or do it this way and I remember I started listening to it then and now that inner voice is really loud yeah it's always there but I wish I listened to my inner voice said 14. well do you remember when you first started like because when I'm hearing you now you're just like yeah like I'm very comfortable with people being themselves and I'm comfortable who I am which is beautiful but when that I feel so many people want to live that way but that's the thing we all struggle with it definitely didn't come right away you know I was a people pleaser and I would make decisions based off of other people's happiness for so long and I would say honestly in the last few years definitely at 40 you know I figured it out of just following my happiness which was really I think an important place for me to get to because I always put other people's happiness over my own and it doesn't mean you disregard other people's feelings and it doesn't mean you don't care and you don't love them but it is a great place to be when you finally put yourself first and I will say that took a long time and that was like relying on other people for confidence in business decisions and it's great to have your team and to always like bounce ideas and make sure that you're collectively picking the right choice and and work thing for you but true confidence where you feel you're making the right decisions you know you got it you are thinking about yourself first and not just in a selfish way but like in a protecting your heart way it feels really good and I might not have gotten there until I was literally 40. and what do you think it was about the last few years where you had to turn towards that that pushed you there I've never been an unhappy person I'm always really happy with my surroundings I don't need people to make me happy I'm not really ever searching for something I'm really content my babies make me happy my family my life you know experiences make me happy but when you just look around and when there's like tension and stress that is just not necessary from work from relationships from friendships and you just decide to be still and not try to please everyone it becomes just really clear and you realize that you just want to be happy and you want to share this life and these experiences with your group of people that you trust and you love and who are super loyal like life is always going to be stressful and you can't control half of it but if you can control what you put out and how you react to all of life's stresses and your response to all of that and realizing that you could eliminate a lot of those stresses with making yourself happy first and choosing yourself then you know you're on the right path and once I did that and once I chose to choose myself and be happy so many opportunities just opened up things that I never thought in a million years would come my way it seemed like clear as day that the Universe was rewarding me for choosing myself and like elevating like getting to the next level in the video game like I had to get here and I was always like here just in my growth process and once I chose myself it was like oh my God the whole the universe is opening up for you and all these opportunities are coming my way and those were the confirmations that I was heading in the right direction I remember saying that to one of my sisters I was like oh my God it is so crazy I got this opportunity this opportunity this is changing this is changing and it seemed like all these amazing things started to happen in my life when I just took a second was still realized wait a minute I'm trying to make everyone happy I'm doing all this stuff for everyone else but myself let me just like pull back a second focus on myself and then it seemed like everyone else was happier because everything was just falling into place and that was like I saw it clear as day and that would like push me and motivate me to continue to just be happy and do what I wanted to do instead of what other people wanted to do and that was like it was like a good feeling it really like showed me that I was making the right decisions I'm so happy for you thank you genuinely and it's a good place to be when you're genuinely a happy person you know like no complaints yeah like not taking things too seriously not taking yourself too seriously is also a little key to happiness yeah I think the energy that gets lost in worrying about something versus working towards fixing it or solving it yeah can just worrying the worrying if you worry about something it's not going to change the outcome let's just come up with a solution like let's say what the problem is not complain I'm not a complainer so it's like let's just get to the solution let's figure it out and let's move on absolutely nothing worse when you complain every step of the way yeah and and it's and it's natural and it's easy but it we all know it doesn't get you to where you want to go yeah and and I think that's that's a big reason what's the uh I wonder with what you were saying one of the big things that comes out as you were talking about family and people in your life and you talked about your life as chat like there's this loyalty is such a big value for you yeah across your life it seems yeah what have you learned about people that you wish you learned sooner was there something that you started to learn and recognize patterns in people and that has made you better now but you wish like ah if I learned this a couple of years sooner than it could have saved me a lot of the stress and challenges that came up don't take anything personally I've been really blessed to have really great solid relationships I have the same group of best friends we went to preschool together we talk every single day my best friend is my best friend since the day I grow up you know when I was born the people I work with my family my sisters but my best friends sisters also you know and everyone I trust a hundred percent everyone is so loyal a hundred percent you can't come up to me and tell me something about one of my friends if like someone were to say oh this person said this about you and they're in my circle I would be absolutely not like I would trust that a hundred percent and I think that's so rare or what I've seen is so rare and I just feel so lucky to just love everyone around you trust everyone around you they trust you my friends know they can call me any hour I'll be the first one to pick up and help all of my friends would drop everything to help me in a situation and to have that real support and love I think is everything in life to have loyal supportive people around you and I think you can also tell so much about a person that has really long-standing relationships that stability When I Look to hire people I look at their previous jobs and how long they've had those relationships for and think about it if there's someone that's bouncing from job to job obviously there could be other situations that come into place but I value people that have these long-standing relationships with people whether it's their employer or family and that's super important to me to have all my friends have really important relationships in their life I think that says a lot about you and the family because I wonder what it takes to hold on to a relationship like that when you're on a rocket ship right I feel like all of us deal with shifts in our life Transitions and family and friends that we want to hold on to but it gets harder and harder especially when there's success when there's Envy when there's competition and sometimes it's not because someone doesn't love you or doesn't care about you it's so natural in the world we live in and so what does it really take because I think this will help a lot of people what does it actually take to hold on to someone you love and continue with all the noise and all the challenges and all the stress that comes with it what does it actually take because but then there's those friends that you don't have to talk to every day I mean thank God for group chats where you can chime in and heart something really quick you know but like your real best friends will also support you and it takes but it's it takes that mutual respect because what my friends are doing if they have something that's important to them it's just as important for me to show up for them as it is for them to show up for me I might have a more colorful life and a bigger event that I'm asking them to show up to but it doesn't mean that theirs isn't just as important so I think just having that mutual respect treating people with respect is just a given I truly think someone is such a solid person when they have really grounded relationships grounded in love and and relationships can be different things you know sometimes you have your group of girlfriends that you love to go on vacation with and then sometimes you have you know your other friends that you work really well with every relationship can be different if you have just a mutual respect around the across the board that's I think the number one thing yeah it takes two yeah it takes two that's the point it's you're not going to be able to create it or falsely hold on to it someone who doesn't totally want to give you that respect yeah it's not going to happen yeah you talked about earlier about parenting and you brought up a few times and I wonder how you you don't have kids do you I'm not yet not yet okay we'll have this conversation again yes absolutely that's what I'm asking that's what I'm asking parenting questions what was your vision like for what you thought parenting was going to be like versus what it actually is everyone says the days are long and the years are short and that couldn't be like a more true statement so like when you're in it I mean especially when they're babies and you're feeding and you're there's Madness going on it's like full Madness it's the best chaos though like my mornings you have no idea what's going on it's like I always have to do one of my daughter's hair and it has to be perfect and it has to be a certain way and then this one needs me to put his shoes on and that they all need you and they all it's like full crazy Madness cooking running around like it's it's wild that's why I need my workout in the morning just to like prepare for the two hours of craziness I'd say parenting is the thing that has taught me the most about myself it has been the most challenging thing there are nights I cried myself to sleep like what just happened you know with all the moods and the personalities and sometimes they're fighting and there's no one there like it's it's me to play good cop and bad cop so like that is definitely a challenge when you know something I'm working on is being a little bit firmer you know there's nothing that can prepare you anyone any person that says oh we're waiting to have X amount of money in the bank oh we're waiting to have a home before we have kids oh I'm waiting for this job to come in before we have kids I don't care how long you wait I don't care what you're waiting for you are never prepared but you will figure it out and it will make you so proud of yourself that you figured it out and that you got through the day and sometimes it's nights where it's just we are going hour by hour to see if we're going to survive Night by night if a tantrum comes in oh my God your life is completely upside down but it teaches you so much more about yourself than I think anyone any parent could have ever anticipated I mean there is nights when you don't wash your hair for days as a mom and you have sped up all over you and you're wearing the same pajamas you know and there's just nothing that can prepare you for this experience it is the most challenging rewarding job on this planet when was the moment when you were looking into your baby's faces and said I want to run away I'm I need to hide for a night every night I'm just kidding no no yeah no thank you it's I mean it's honest I think there's a there's a little bit of Truth in that feeling that a lot of parents have what's what's the hardest when you've been looking when you look into their faces and you had one of these moments where you were learning these lessons what was the hardest lesson you had to learn about yourself that made you go whoa I didn't I didn't see that before if it wasn't for that kid I wouldn't have seen that yeah it happens all the time I always think everything in life comes our way to really teach us something and it's a really hard task when you have four kids and you know they all want to be put to bed at the same time by the same person and they all want to do it individually and have that experience and no one wants to wait and I'm locked in a room with kids banging outside of the door because they want me to put them to bed and I'm like I can't cut myself in four pieces so we're gonna have to schedule this out and we're coming up with a schedule and none of them want to listen to the schedule and then they all start crying and that's like a typical night you know and so I like sit them outside of my one daughter's door and I'm like I'll pick you up next we're doing this for 15 minutes and they can't be patient and they're banging on the door come on it's been five minutes you know it's like those nights are every single night big school projects big things that are happening and they don't understand that I work or I have a school schedule too or you know stuff kids will never understand so I think it's just those nights when you can't divide yourself and you have to just work with what we have and try to bribe two of them to get put to bed at the same time you know I think unless you're a pain like so much respect to parents so much respect to people also that aren't parents that want to live their free life enjoy it while you can I was at Easter on Palm Springs and I looked at my mom's house and she had her table set for all of her kids all of her grandkids and we're all staying in her house and I was like it's it's a forever thing it's not like hey okay you're 18 and you're on your own it's a forever thing and we're in our 40s and we're still coming at her and fighting and asking my mom to resolve everything and I look at her and I'm like how did you do it I personally can't wait for my kids to get a little bit older everyone like is so afraid of the teenage phase I'm so excited for it play this back for me when they're teenagers but I see the relationship I have with my mom and I knew the relationship I had with my dad and how comfortable we were talking to them about all of our problems and all of our friends stuff and all of the drama and all of the high school stuff and even the stuff I talked to my mom about now and how open I am about life and relationships and how close we are even if we didn't get it as a kid I can look at her now and say I get it as a mom now as an adult now I know why you made those decisions and I love having that relationship and that is why I wanted to have four kids I saw my mom you know and my dad had four together before she had my two little sisters and I loved the big family and I always knew I wanted to have four kids and I I just love so much our relationship with her and my grandma and I just can't wait to have that with my kids I can't wait till they're old enough to understand so much that I can never explain to them now that they'll get one day and we can laugh about it that's so beautiful yeah you reminded me of uh a beautiful old saying that says the day you realize your parents were right your kids are telling you that you're wrong [Music] so true yeah and it's like that idea of just your when you're a little boy you like adore your mom at least I did them until like 13 years old then you become a teenager and you think you're too cool for your mom yeah and then in my time yeah I have like contracts with myself I'm like you're Never Gonna Leave me we always have to be besties you're never gonna be too cool for me and they always say yes yeah I'm like you can live with me in your 20s your 30s never move out they said okay they've signed the contract yeah yeah and they have no idea they'll breach it yeah it'll it'll be okay yeah you won't sue them yeah but the I wonder how in your position like you know what you just described is what so many people go through and like you said it's so hard for them to experience that but when you're expanding things like the paparazzi or like you're saying that when you're in Japan like you didn't have that experience and that was so nice for the kids like how do you walk them through the nuances of the life that you lead and I'm guessing a lot of their friends also have similar lives but I'm sure they have some friends who who don't have parents like yourselves and so how how do you help them reconcile or what are the kind of things that you talk about with them or what can they understand at this age and what are you like well that's just gonna have to wait I'll talk to my kids about anything they want to ask me about I am so open and honest with my kids I think that's the only way to be and it could be things that they might not understand and I'll wait to find the appropriate time to talk about it I think they grew up seeing the cameras and they grew up seeing that even as babies you know we'd walk out and there'd be Paparazzi so it's not really something that they acknowledge a lot but you know my daughter's really vocal she'll tell them when she doesn't want them around and to leave her alone and to stop and I love that they use their little voices but they also have such a normal life in such a different life away from all of that too and that's why I love that my sisters and I all had babies at the same time so they can be with each other and have these experiences together absolutely I when I'm you know there's all the words that come out from you are like togetherness loyalty it's it's incredible to see it in family but I think what you've then done which when I saw you do this it it really moved me when I saw you kind of move into that direction of Justice Reform and using your voice and training to be a lawyer to make this these changes in the world out there because I find that you know there's there's a natural sense of survival as a family but then when you start taking into account the survival of others there's an extension of love and you know what goes out to the world and yeah I think it was really special to see then this podcast has got on purpose for a reason because I think everyone's searching for their purpose would you say that that was a expression of purpose or absolutely I mean I think that's one of those moments like by chance I happen to be looking on social media and seeing a case that I just didn't understand and I'm always a really curious person so I'll never let something go if it's Weighing on my heart to not at least try to figure out how it happened I've always been really interested in crime stuff and solving things and figuring things out so when I saw a case of a woman that just didn't make sense to me I was really curious and I sent this little video that popped up on my Twitter to attorneys that I knew really well that could answer questions for me and then when it seemed like I couldn't just sit there it was really Weighing on my heart when I felt like it was so unfair I didn't know that there was like thousands of cases that were so unfair I just thought oh wow like I have to help this person and then when I was successful in doing that on my journey I realized like wait there's so many more people like this like I can't not do something and I think that that also goes with whatever is meant to come to you at your own pace for your own learning levels is what's meant to be because that came to me I wasn't like searching for that and that changed my life and it changed who I am I just can't sit around and see this happen to other people that aren't deserving of um their freedom I think just everyone's on their own path and things will come to you when you need to be like elevated to that growth level and I'm really grateful for those experiences because I definitely think that that's my purpose what internal changes did you see in yourself that that maybe you didn't see before when you started doing this work like what did you have to Grapple with internally was there anything that you had to break through inside yeah what were those things I would say I always felt like I was a compassionate person and a caring person and I always cared about people's feelings but my level of empathy was at a completely different level when I started I might have been way more judgmental and I would think that someone that was behind bars especially for a really lengthy or a serious crime that they probably were absolutely guilty I had no compassion I was just really judgmental and then when I started to hear about these cases and people's backstories and their histories and realized that so many people really didn't have the opportunities to be better and didn't know better it really changed my whole life and like my level of empathy is just so different than what it was years ago and I think that's why I fight so hard for people to get Second Chances because people make really bad choices and really bad mistakes some way way worse than other people but if you're never given the chance to change that's really sad especially if you make a really bad decision as a teenager and then you're in your 40s and you're given no shot to change when you really already maybe have so much it was really important to me to express that and help people that have made those changes and I love how I'm I'm assuming that when you do something like that in the outside space it kind of applies to your whole life where all of a sudden you're so right that I think we all not even people behind bars I think we all judge people all the time yeah and when you're almost doing it in such an extreme way and raising your empathy in such an extreme environment you can now extend that and express that to so many more people yeah because you've had to do it in a way where you were like oh definitely that person deserves it yeah and all of a sudden you start realizing maybe they didn't deserve that yeah so maybe we don't deserve this I think you know but in all levels of Life of judgment I used to judge people and like their relationships and how people lived their lives and now I'm like whatever makes you happy why should we judge who are we to say how people should live their lives my my judgment is just I don't know if it comes with age or experience or just going through so many things but just be happy you know isn't that what life is about experiences making people feel heard and seen and appreciated and just having gratitude for the things in life that we're so blessed to have and work for and for surrounded by the people we love we are that's real success yeah you know I agree and and I feel that a lot of people start getting better at that with the Judgment outside but one of the things that people struggle to deal with the most is the Judgment in their head and I wonder do you find that you ever catch yourself judging yourself and being hard on yourself and being heavy and harsh on yourself yeah you've been able to give that up I'll be like competitive with myself I think I'm a really competitive person but I'm pretty I'm pretty easy on myself wow that's incredible I was always like really calm really easy going that's a real achievement yeah and I'm sure you see people judging themselves all the time yeah I was grabbing some coffees for my team a couple of months back or something and uh I remember like I was paying the cashier and she gave me the change and I was grabbing the change of walking off and she was like wait wait I'm so stupid I'm so stupid I got the change wrong and I was like I didn't even notice and I looked and I was like oh okay like I was like you're not stupid like easy mistaken you could see the look on her face like she was judging herself so harshly for something so small and I guess when you see people judge themselves then how do you how do you respond to that or how do you support them honestly I really haven't experienced that much that's fantastic yeah that's amazing and I love hearing that because I think it is so true that you can curate and create a community around you that has similar values yeah and then almost you don't even I see a lot of like determination and a lot of like creativity a lot of hard work like if I were to go on vacation with my girlfriends we'd all be getting up probably at six a.m all want to go on a workout I don't think there's that one girl that would be like I'm sleeping till 10 and I'm not working out you know so I think that obviously everyone around you is different and has different personalities but I think a lot of my core friends are really like-minded yeah and sometimes that positive positive peer pressure can be really healthy too like yeah even if you have that one friend who's struggling as soon as you're added to that group totally you see the melody I've seen that with so many of my friends that totally even if there's one person who's struggling with something as soon as they're in that pack yeah all of a sudden you start to see them break through their ceiling yeah and and it changes for them yeah I think something that I've learned maybe the Hard Way because I feel like I'm at a really good place now where the people in my life I feel really solid I think this is the first time in my life obviously I've had really long relationships with my girlfriends and friends since elementary school but something I learned is that you cannot help people that don't want the help and don't you can't force your beliefs and project that on someone that thinks something totally different and it's okay to have those different views that's why the world goes around you know but if you don't align in the same values and morals and things at your core then it's okay to realize that this life is so short and you should go and find the people that do a line with what you really believe in and I think sometimes there's so much going on that you can be blinded by so many other things that if you don't stop and think about what someone's true values and morals are and how they want to live their life so much other things are going on so I don't blame people that don't really stop and think about those things I mean those are some of the lessons that I would teach my kids when they're looking for friends and partners and relationships yeah you can't really Force things upon other people you can't expect them to be where you're at at your level and sometimes that could really coexist really well but then sometimes it really can't you have to let go of the idea of molding people into what you want think about if there's something about yourself that you really want to change the expectations of going into something and thinking you're going to get a different result or thinking you have the power to change someone is so selfish and so crazy and everyone does it and everyone has to learn on their own and that's something that I've always like sat back helped friends given them advice but never really pushed because even if I were to say hey don't walk down that path trust me I've been there you don't want to go there and they say okay and they follow you and they go on a different path they'll never learn that lesson they have no clue what I'm talking about you know I could say parenting stuff to you all day long with all due respect you have no clue until you've been through it I welcome people's Journeys and their lessons and I'll always be there to the people that I love to help them through that but they got to go through that in order to grow on their own what's the biggest lesson you learned from your mom that you're trying to pass on to the kids I think just how she makes people feel really heard and welcomed she really is the most warm welcoming person and it's just like her overall it seems superficial but it's not like her party planning skills it's not even that it's just the welcomingness of I don't even know if these are words I'm saying but like just her ability to be so warm and to make everyone feel like they were invited here I'm gonna create this like special Easter dinner with like the things on the table you know that she had when we were growing up at my dad's house like she just has all this like really special nostalgic stuff around all the time and always tries to make everyone feel so special but with like a gathering so that everyone feels comfortable and can hang around like she just loves people in her space and loves to create these memories and I think that we all got that from her and we will all if I can just pass that on to my kids just the the experiences that we have as a family whether we're just sitting in our pajamas and hanging out we make the time to be together and I hope that my kids want to make the time to be together when they grow up with their cousins and their aunts and just the whole family I'm sure they will yeah I think they will too yeah I think I think you've managed to hold on to it in your entire generation and so yeah they see that I think kids mirror so much of yeah what they see around them and I remember when I met my wife her grandma is her favorite human on the planet and it's really interesting how when someone you love you know who their favorite human is yeah you automatically start loving them yeah and I wasn't really close to my grandparents but I'm closer to Riley's Grandpa like Grandma and to my own grandparents because you see your love for the person that you love and so I think when your kids see the love that you have for your sisters and your cousins and your aunts and uncles now if only all my kids can love their siblings that would be amazing they're in a fighting phase yeah yeah did you and you guys went through that phase but yeah it's still going on never ending that's never going to stop Kim I feel like you travel so much you have so many businesses you're now going to be on a TV show like you another TV show I mean you've got so much things happening in your life and I'm sure there's moments where whether the kids say something or don't I know a lot of people in my life feel a lot of mom guilt yeah and moms carry it with them have you experienced that with your friends your family absolutely mom guilt is probably the hardest thing I think that you have to also separate though and understand that you need your own bit of Sanity so you have to do what makes you happy you have to if working for me I love working so that makes me happy anytime I think something's really hard I dive into work and or if there's challenges like I love to dive into my work and that's like a bit of my therapy and my routine to keep me going but I think you know I have chats with my girlfriends when our kids are having tantrums and there could be things going on that we don't even know about and you feel like you're the worst mom if something's going on and you can't fix it you have no idea how to change it your kids are fighting whatever it is and my friends and I will text each other and be like in tears literally locking ourselves in the room like away from a kid having a tantrum when that's not what you should do you should go and lean into them and but sometimes it's so overwhelming that was probably the only time I'd be hard on myself is am I a good mom I try to do everything and I think how to balance work with that is when you're home being really present kids all they want is time they just want your time yeah you can give them all these amazing big experiences and they'll remember them and they're great but they'll always remember you being present and I think that's just the most important thing in all of your relationships think about what a kid wants a kid just wants your time so why wouldn't everyone else you have to kind of treat everyone like that if you want these like meaningful relationships in your life and you have to be present and it's okay to feel like you are not 100 percent at being the best mom I say this all the time we there's no manual they do not come with the manual everyone's doing the best that they can and I just feel so lucky that I have a good group of girlfriends and all of our kids are experiencing different things from I mean imagine all the things that they a divorce everything that they have to go through we're okay they will be okay and they will feel the love and support and that's all you can do it'll be okay and I'm sure that's hard for you because you were saying that you're so competitive with yourself you want to be the best at everything yeah but I feel like being the best mom must be the hardest hardest thing to ever live up to absolutely and I'm very confident so every year I write each one of my kids about a four or five Page Letter about on their birthday about what the year was like who their friends are silly words they're saying their favorite foods all the silly things that they do and a little journey of what the year is like and it's so fun to see from the first year now you know one of them almost 10 years old and just to I know that they'll appreciate this I know that they'll appreciate everything that they might have thought I was being a little harsh on me protecting them I know that they'll they'll get it because I got it with my mom and I know they'll get it with me you've reminded me of something beautiful that I want to share that so my mom and dad were both immigrants in London which is where I was born and raised and both my parents worked ever since I was a kid and so I'd get dropped to daycare get picked up in the evening but what I remember is something you said my mom would come and pick me up and I still remembered the look on her face when she'd pick me up she'd have this big smile she'd give me the biggest hug she'd take me home and we'd sit down together while she was cooking and we'd just talk to each other and it's almost like I never had a lot of time with my parents growing up but I felt so much presence and I honestly believe today that I have so much love to give because my mom infused me with love like my mom just like yeah you know bathed me in so much love totally that it's it's so easy for me to be loving because I've always had infinite amounts of it from my mom yeah I couldn't imagine I love on my kids so hard they are so annoyed with me and I love it what I find genuinely inspiring about you and the way you think and focus is that you want to be this incredible mom but you also want to show the kids what a passionate Purpose Driven person looks like yeah and I think we forget that that's also parenting like I'm not a parent but I can honestly say it that when I saw my mum working late at night and waking up early in the morning I look back at my mom and I think my mom is a superwoman yeah and I look back at that as Instagram my kids think that of me one day they will they will because they'll see that and I think same with my dad like I saw my dad and how much he had to work on yeah and and there was something powerful about that I think I always like to show them like I drop my kids off at school and then I have two or three hours of law school so I gotta go I'm on time because I have my school and they have been on the journey with me they saw me take the bar exam they saw me open my results and not pass multiple times they saw me open up the results and pass and I was crying and they felt my hard work and it paid off I want to show them that finding a passion and working to me is something I love to do and there's so much joy in that for me and I want them to feel that positive experience and I I encourage that from them like I want to just show them as many positive experiences as I can and show them that you know you can work hard and you can love it and I just try to live my life and be a good example for them I think it comes through and and I do believe that like when I look back at my parents all I can do is appreciate my mom that's all I can do I hope they do sometimes they tell me I'm the meanest mom in the world because I won't buy them Roblox every day you know it's like I'm like it's okay I can be the meanest mom in the world yeah you know well I think that's what moms do mom's willing to be anything their kids need them to be even if it's that for a short period of time yeah Kim you've been so uh gracious and kind with your time today we end every on-purpose episode with a final five the first question is what is the best advice you've ever received or had something that I've learned about time is just that we never have enough of time so really be present and make the most of your relationships because we're not here very long and we have one life was there a moment that made you realize that or something that happened that made you realize that I mean I think when you lose a parent you're always really mindful of time and my mom talks about it all the time I think she's like probably the one thing in life she's scared about you know and and keeps her up at night sometimes so just making sure that you make the most of everything because it'll go by so fast second question what is the worst life advice you've ever received or had I think maybe the worst advice could be almost too much advice or too many opinions if you really trust your gut and you do what you want to do and if you're in your bubble and when the world gets to that little piece of your bubble and there can be so many opinions I think sometimes all of the conflicting advice can just be bad advice that even if you're supposed to make your mistake and maybe do what you want to do with any bad piece of advice that's still a part of your journey so sometimes just do what you want to do and not take in all of the advice is really healthy I think that's great and don't ask for in the first place yeah yeah I know we all have that one friend who told us messages like 25 people with the same question totally yeah definitely good answer all right uh question number three if tomorrow not wishing this no intentions no energy towards this but if if tomorrow you had to restart what would you do if tomorrow everything went away and you had to restart what would you do business-wise like how would that shift I think I would probably be a lawyer and just focus on that and go to law school and focus on being an attorney full-time because I just think the feeling of being able to help people is really powerful and necessary and I would just focus on that that's such a heartfelt answer I love that that's beautiful I'm glad I'm glad I asked you I was like yeah I just feel like it's really interesting I was having a conversation last night with a mutual friends of us uh School abroad and oh yeah we were together last night and we were talking about this idea about how we often think that our experiences make us who we are or is it that you are just going to be who you are anyway because that's who you were meant to be I think it's both yeah think about it you can be the most talented person but if you don't have that determination and drive then what will become of it you know it's not just gonna magically happen because you're talented of course so I think so much of it is the effort and what you do with that and figuring that out and who you are and what you want to put out in the world I guess my point is that I think you have that energy of wanting to be the best of wanting to do things really well of wanting to do things with that quality and whatever you ended up doing with it yeah it would have been that and it is that already and you're doing that anyway you have to no matter even if this isn't the job that you want no matter what it is that you're doing you have to be fully your best you have to put in 200 you have no idea who's paying attention you're at that place exactly where you're supposed to be at that time there's nothing worse than someone that doesn't want to give it their all no matter what it is and it could be that's like you know business advice that I heard that always stuck with me and always was even when I was working at a clothing store I was so happy to be there I did my yeah I did my absolute best that I could selling everything and steaming everything and hanging everything and I think those experiences just show you what you want to do in your life show other people really What You're Made Of I'm just like a I'm a really competitive person so no matter what it is that I'm doing I want to be the best at that I want to learn everything about it and I'm just a super curious person beautiful uh question number four since we've been talking about values what's something that you used to value that you no longer feel your value anymore definitely material designer things I used to Value I mean stuff I live in an area where there would be fires a lot and there was probably four times we had to fully pack up the house everything out houses catching on fire property caught on fire like really close to losing everything first time packed up my entire shoe and bag closet and a lot of them because they were memory stuff from my dad stuff in high school but all designer stuff also videos photos whatever digitized everything put everything important somewhere else here second pack up the designer stuff but leave some leave some of the clothes you know I don't really need all the clothes but I packed a hotel for months bags about every designer thing that I had had to come third time leave all the bags and shoes I don't I don't need them we got all the we got all the photos we got all the my little blankie when I was little you know the kids stuff fourth time leave everything me and my babies that's all I need you know I have all my photos digitized I have everything digital we got our passports we're good yeah and that like evolution of like they had to go in and get all my designer stuff or I'm not leaving my house you know it's gonna catch on fire yeah and now I'm like nothing is worth it nothing is important and I think that comes from Life Experiences scary experiences things shaking you to your core to make you realize that nothing is important you can't I know everyone says this but like you can't take it with you none of it is important yeah there's a beautiful Islamic proverb that says Detachment doesn't mean that you owe nothing it means that nothing owns you and I feel so often we become owned by I love that dreams our desires our Pursuits our things yeah it doesn't mean that we have to give them all away or we don't have those things it's just if and when we have to let go totally are we willing are we able to let totally even with work stuff I mean it doesn't just have to be the material things like you said like your dreams and it's okay to be able to let go but work so hard to like the Opposites are okay contradicting yourself a little bit in those ways yeah you know it's like in in relationships you can love a person miss a person so much but still have the wisdom to know they're not your person and you're better off not together that like opposite connection with everything I think is really important to have that awareness in everything in life relationships material things all of that yeah I I officiate a wedding a few years ago and someone came up to me from the audience and and said to me Jay I realized from what you were saying that they'd just gone through a breakup recently and they were saying Jay I realized that I love that person but we didn't like each other anymore and it was that essence of like they'll always be that deep love for each other yeah but we just don't like family you know like you love people and but it's okay to to feel a protection of a person but then also protecting yourself and realizing when you have to and when it's time and it's okay to feel all of the opposite emotions you know I think as long as you're really well aware and go through the motions and feel things and don't hold things in it's so important whether it's you know breakups deaths I've always been a really clear-headed and like gone through the feelings gone through the emotions more in those relationships more in those lifelong relationships that you hope for and then also be okay and calm and realizing I've always been someone like okay my dad died what why is this happening what was his purpose here and how are we going to grow and learn from this experience and I always said that like right when he passed and I was felt it and super emotional about it and you know cry all the time when great things happen that I wish she was here but also I had a wisdom at like a younger age to understand that this is like a part of our journey and a part of our like Evolution and this happens and this is why you have to hold on to relationships even more precious but don't let things destroy you at the same time if that makes sense yeah it does make sense I can tell just from your energy like I just want everyone to know who's listening and watching often people can say something but the time I've spent with you even today I can tell from your energy that you are content and you are at peace and you are I can feel that just don't worry just be at peace like that's what I'm with you I I sense peace and I think doing an interview with someone just it's a different environment that you I remember when I interviewed Kobe Bryant and I almost felt like time Stood Still and his word that I saw with his energy was gravity like it just felt like everything was just and then when I'm sitting with you I'm feeling peace and a lot of the time people try to find people when they're not at peace hoping that someone else will put their pieces back together you are at peace do you ever feel like you want to be in love again do you do you long for that or or are you so at peace that that isn't a consideration I think I'll always be a hopeless romantic and always want to be in love and definitely love sharing my life with someone and love creating a life with someone I definitely will take my time and I think there's so many factors especially when you have kids and being mindful of people that enter in your life and if I can look at everything that I did wrong and try to not make the same mistakes and really take my time I think it just has to be different for me you know it's obviously such a hard place to be in because how do you go about who do you you know it's like so there's so many factors but I'll always believe in love and I'll always want that and I think that's such a magical part of life but I think I'm so comfortable taking my time to not rush it there's so much going on that I'm not lonely and I think that that is really important and I believe like I always believe you know and I think that um whatever is meant to be will be Fifth and final question of the whole interview if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be take your time that's a good one just Second Chances and fairness I think it could be something as simple as just whether it's in our system or judgment in life just making sure that everyone had like a basic human right to what's fair I think would change a lot in the system would change a lot in life and a law for everyone to be kind it's that simple you think about like all I want to do is raise kind thoughtful grateful mindful human beings Ken thank you for being so open so honest so generous with your time everyone has been listening and watching I hope you tag us both on Instagram on Tick Tock wherever you share your insights that you gained I'd love to see what you took away from this podcast I'd love to share that with both of us uh thank you for listening to on purpose I'll see you again next week and Kim thank you so much again for this energy of yours today and being so present with us thank you for having me thank you if you love this episode you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion my fears are only going to continue to show me what I'm capable of the more that I face my fears the more that I feel I'm gaining strength I'm gaining wisdom and I just want to keep doing that

Channel: Jay Shetty Podcast

Views: 2,721,815

Keywords: Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty Podcast, Jay Shetty Interview, On Purpose Podcast, Jay Shetty Inspiration, Jay Shetty Motivation, Jay Shetty Video, Self help, Self improvement, Self development, entrepreneur, success habits, purpose podcast, Jay Shetty relationships, kim k interview, kim kardashian interview, kim kardashian, kim kardashian podcast

Id: 3I482TBLEzc

Length: 63min 26sec (3806 seconds)

Published: Mon May 22 2023