♪♪ >>> ONCE UPON A TIME, A PRINCE JOURNEYED TO A FAR AWAY KINGDOM, AND AFTER BRAVELY SLAYING THE LOCAL DRAGON WON THE CHANCE TO CHOOSE A PRINCESS FOR HIS BRIDE. >> OH, PRINCE EDMUND, WELCOME TO OUR BIG COLD CASTLE IN EUROPE. >> 'TIS AN HONOR, YOUR HIGHNESS. >> GOOD JOB KILLING OUR DRAGON. NO ONE ASKED YOU TO, BUT THANK YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] YOU MAY NOW MEET OUR DAUGHTERS THREE AND CHOOSE ONE TO BE YOUR BRIDE. >> YES. SURELY ONE OF THEM WILL BE MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THE REST. OR KNOWING MY LUCK, ONE WILL BE WEIRD. >> BRING OUT MY DAUGHTERS, PLEASE. ♪♪ >> HMM. FAIR MAIDENS! SO COOL TO SEE. >> MEET MY FIRST DAUGHTER, LUCILLIA. >> 'TIS AN HONOR TO STAND BEFORE YOU, FAIR PRINCE. >> WOW. OKAY. I LOVE THAT. >> MY SECOND DAUGHTER, REGALIA. >> I KNOW NOT WHAT TO SAY, AND YET I FEEL NOT THREATENED, PRINCE. >> GOOD. GOOD. MAKES SENSE. >> AND MY THIRD DAUGHTER, BLONDELIA. >> HELLO. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY. IS THAT IT? >> NICE TO MEET YOU. >> RIGHT. OKAY. SURE. >> IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? >> YEAH. I GUESS I JUST THOUGHT THERE WOULD BE SOMETHING MESSED UP ABOUT HER BECAUSE THERE'S THREE OF THEM AND THE THIRD ONE IS HER. >> I TAKE GREAT OFFENSE! >> NO, I'M SORRY. IT'S JUST USUALLY LIKE ONE'S PRETTY, ONE'S SMART, AND ONE HAS SOMETHING LIKE REALLY WRONG WITH THEM. >> BUT YOU'VE ONLY JUST MET. GIRLS, TELL THE PRINCE ABOUT YOUR HOBBIES. >> I, LUCILLIA, ENJOY PLAYING JOLLY TUNES ON THE HARPSICHORD. >> I LOVE DANCING. AND DANCING AROUND. >> AND ME? I LIKE HARPSICHORD, AND I GUESS ALSO DANCING. >> OKAY. IS THAT WHY SHE'S WEIRD, 'CAUSE SHE COPIED HER THING? >> WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT? >> I MEAN, IT'S GOTTA BE BLONDELIA, BUT I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY! >> I LIKE PAINTING AS WELL, OR ARCHERY? I DON'T KNOW, MAN, I DON'T WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, I KNOW. TELL HIM YOUR FAVORITE FOODS. >> LITTLE CAKES. >> STRAWBERRIES. >> MUFFINS. >> ALL RIGHT. IS SHE LIKE OBSESSED WITH MUFFINS? [ LAUGHTER ] >> I FEEL LIKE PEOPLE LIKE MUFFINS. >> OKAY, NOW I'M KIND OF GETTING PISSED OFF. >> PRINCE EDMUND, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ASK MY DAUGHTERS? >> OKAY. DO A LITTLE DANCE. AS NORMAL AS YOU CAN. ♪♪ ALL RIGHT. ALL REGULAR HOT DANCING. [ LAUGHTER ] DOES ONE OF YOU HAVE, LIKE, A WEIRD LAUGH OR SOMETHING? WHAT ARE YOUR LAUGHS? >> HUH-HEH-HUH-HUH. >> OKAY. IS IT HER? BECAUSE THAT WAS AWFUL. >> HA, HA, HA, HA. >> HEY, HEY, HEY. [ LAUGHTER ] >> THOSE WERE ALL BAD. >> PRINCE EDMUND, YOU HAVE TO HURRY. YOU MUST MAKE YOUR CHOICE BEFORE THE CLOCK STRIKES MIDNIGHT. >> OOH, WHAT HAPPENS AT MIDNIGHT? >> IT'S JUST SO LATE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I GIVE UP. ALL RIGHT? MAYBE I'LL JUST LEAVE AND GO KILL A DIFFERENT DRAGON. [ CRYING ] OH, NO. NO, I'M SORRY. I'VE BEEN SO RUDE. JUST BASED ON THE PRINCESSES I'VE MET, SHE SHOULD HAVE LIKE A BIG-ASS TOE OR LAY EGGS OR SOMETHING. >> FATHER, HE'S RIGHT. SOMETIMES ONE OF THE GIRLS IS WEIRD, ON PURPOSE. SHE'LL MAKE A JOKE OUT OF HERSELF BEFORE ANYONE CAN JUDGE HER. >> MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WE HAVE TO JUMP THROUGH CRAZY HOOPS FOR PRINCES LIKE YOU, DRAGON DORK. >> MAYBE IT'S A METAPHOR FOR BEING DIFFERENT, OR UGLY, OR STUPID, OR GAY. I DON'T KNOW, I'M JUST GUESSING, I'M VERY NORMAL. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I SEE. I'M SORRY I WAS JUDGMENTAL. THE TRUTH IS, I'M DRAWN TO BLONDELIA, THOUGH I FEAR THERE'S A CATCH. >> ISN'T THAT LOVE, YOUNG MAN? >> I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. I CHOOSE NUMBER THREE, BLONDELIA. >> OH! >> HUZZAH, PRINCE EDMUND AND BLONDELIA! BLESSINGS UPON YOU. >> I LOVE YOU, BLONDELIA, AND YOU SHALL BE MY WIFE. >> AND I LOVE YOU. GOODBYE, FATHER. GOODBYE, DEAR SISTERS. GOOD-BYE. >> GOODBYE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> THERE WE GO, GOOD OLD NUMBER THREE. GETS THEM EVERY TIME. [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
