The WORST things people have EVER done! - r/AskReddit

fellow scumbags have read it what's the worst thing you've ever done after a house round around a Petrelli rally party multiple people slept over my friend was on a queen-size bed by himself I grabbed him and put him on the floor and then pushed him under the bed he was round around us a Parral around he's super wasted he woke up in the morning still wasted and screaming for a couple of seconds he thought he was in a coffin college friend burnt a whole apartment building to the ground not a joke about ten minutes after the fact while we are literally sitting there watching the whole building engulfed in flames I tried to lighten the mood and turn to her and said what the hell were you trying to cook or something it was a grease fire she was cooking bacon she started crying and I felt terrible I stole the legend of zelda links awakening from a classmate when i was seven years old my guilt reached fever pitch when the game itself started calling me theif I went to an ultimate frisbee tournament as a coach one year in middle school in the finals match the opposing coach asked why I wasn't playing I told him my make-a-wish was to coach a frisbee team assuming he would get that I was joking he replied by telling me his son was getting his wish in the coming month he's faced when I said I was joking and apologized still haunts me I still one piece from a thousand jigsaw puzzles at a naming ceremony I attended with my parents when I was a kid I put some dishwashing liquid and water in a squirt gun when the ice-cream man came he asked what I wanted I said I wanted a drumstick so he reached into the freezer and waited for the money I didn't have any so he asked why I did that I said I do want it I just don't have any money he got mad and I squirted him in the eyes with the soapy water why did I do it I think I was mad that we never had money for stuff like that and here he was parading it in my face every day it's been about 50 years and I still feel bad about it I started dating this girl in high school that went to a different high school she had a few friends who went to my school including this guy named Darin I never really talked to Aaron but he was in one of my classes and seemed like a nice guy so I started trying to talk to him on occasion I didn't really know what to say so I would just casually bring up my girlfriend around him but it never led to any conversation which was surprising because he was a pretty charismatic guy about a year later my then girlfriend and I were watching TV and a character but dialed someone on accident and she said ugh that happened to me when I was dating Aaron this surprised me because we had already talked about all of our exes and Aaron was never named I mentioned this and she swore up and down that she told me that her and our undated I'm still convinced she never told me I was a little mad but I knew she wasn't hiding that from me and just must have forgotten to mention it that's when I remembered how I was trying to become friends with this dude by constantly rubbing in his face that I was dating his ex he must have really thought I was a total scumbag I never seeded my torrents after completion in college I attended a house party with a group of my friends about three hours into the party I notice everyone is flocking to the back yard I follow the crowd and realize that my group of friends has gotten into a fight with another group of guys as I approach I hear a girl say this is ridiculous I'm calling the police I look at her and say you're obviously wasted you're slurring your words let me talk to the police she hands me her phone and I throw it as far as I possibly could yelled to my friends oh we gotta get outta here now and we all bolted always kind of felt bad about throwing her phone but hey I'm a problem solver I introduced my brother to his wife I'm so sorry man on holiday in a hotel I didn't know very well and had to look after my little brother I needed to poop but couldn't find where a toilet was so dragged him into an empty jacuzzi and took a dump in it we both screamed and ran out as it floated to the top and managed to convince him it was already there when we got him broke up with my college girlfriend over the phone a week after saying I love you to get her to do em all so I was playing Warcraft 3 on mute while she cried I was 17 picked up weed for a friend smoked some of it then put some parsley in and said it was just shake he was in the car with us and smoked a bowl you could hear him smack his lips with a weird taste I laughed told him and never reimbursed him for it at that age you are the worst version of yourself to preface this it's important to note that I ate a ton of Taco Bell right before bed the night before the funeral showing not sure of everything I had but there was definitely a burrito supreme in there anyway let's back up a couple of days I was looking forward to a weekend in Chicago for an annual trip for people in our major unfortunately my own against slash off-again ex-girlfriends grandma passed away despite X being a general bummer of an individual I offered to pass up the trip and be by her side cut to the post t be morning I awoke and felt a small cavernous rumble of gas that shall not pass you know when it's going to be bad the relatives house we stayed with her big-ass family was not large so I couldn't even find an unoccupied room nor a walk-in closet to fartin so it sits in my stomach and churns we get rest and get to the showing and the thought seems to have calmed but it's still in there most of the family walks up to talk to each other and I begin to see an opportunity to release at least a portion of this tainted copy of their bud Spike's back that was now showing in my but it seemed perfect finally some relief so I remained seated as they dissipated and did the deed I knew it would be silent but I had no idea it would be that deadly pretty sure it increased the room temperature and humidity of the room it was hot dense and dank it honestly smelled like a dog did it or some sort of dog slash human hybrid the family started to notice the smell and then a ton of others nearby did as well and they started looking for the source now folks I'm pretty laid back and I was super freaking tired I'm no actor by any means but I think some kind of innate human instincts for preservation came into play to keep me from taking the blame for that anti enchilada I denied that I supplied and was acquitted of the chunk charges but what happened next made me a scumbag seconds later a dude in a wheelchair came through the crowd of us one of her family members was like do you think it was him and I composed myself and was like yeah I didn't notice the smell until he came in the room I'd say I felt bad for all of this but I still laugh every time I remember hearing ex's concerned mother say I wonder if he rolled his wheels through something tada I'm trash forever about ten years ago started dating a girl who often stayed over at my house and used my computer she was active on a modelling site and at the time myspace was a thing I went on myspace one day to check my account and I had a ton of messages and when I clicked onto the first one I realized she had left her account logged in and I was in her account found out very quickly she was cheating on me with guys and girls I confronted her and got all kinds of bullcrap denials from her so I took several of her modeling pictures and posted them on the casual encounters section of Craigslist along with her phone number she got a lot of calls from what I understand I replaced this guy's vape juice with olive oil as payback for him stealing my mother's liquor then I told his parents and told them that their son was drinking a liquor I knew they were strict because her father was a pastor last I heard of him he's registered to join the Marines this probably isn't this worst but I feel bad about it now so this was when I was in trade school the vending machines for snacks cokes and energy drinks also table cards how it worked was you slid your card punched him the code for what you wanted and then hit end to end purchase the thing was the last part wasn't explicitly stated so I'd wait by the machine for somebody to swipe their card and buy something when they left I'd get two or three things on their card free energy drinks drink some trade one for some cigarettes so yeah pretty scummy I dropped an open packet of ketchup onto the seat of a girl that made me off in middle school she had white pants on put laxatives in a can of Fanta and offered it to a girl I didn't like in high school my friend dressed up in drag for Halloween I took all his picks and operated them to a dating website detailing his story of how he was becoming a women and was in transition a co-worker of his found them and the profile and long story short it turned into a real mess people thought it was true offered support help etc he obviously denied it all as he really had no clue about it and the more he tried to deny the more people tried to be his friend and help him singers I forgot all about it and he was too mad at me to talk to me and tell me to take it down so it stayed up for months before we hugged it out over drinks and had a few good laughs when I was in Japan I recycled my plastic bottles with the cap still on I was a bit of a klepto as a kid over the course of a summer think I was seven or eight I still at least half-a-dozen Tamagotchis from various kids at summer camp I had one of my own Sena but he suspected me all the kids lamed the poor kid at camp but the counselors could never recover them I hid them in my bedroom and let them all die this girl in high school told everyone i egged her house and were sleeping with her boyfriend I didn't egg the house it just seems that apparently she was just hated by more people than me which frankly made sense and I definitely wasn't sleeping with her trashy boyfriend nor did I have any interest in doing so at first it was just annoying but more and more people were making comments or saying those were really crappy things to do or threaten to egg my house back and finally someone came into where I worked and made a comment about it while I was on shift I was so mad diag to her house and slept with her boyfriend if I was going to get blamed for it might as well make an honest woman out of someone was blocking the aisle with their bagasse cart so I moved it out the way with my cart without saying excuse me one night when I was 16 alone in the house and bored I stole a bottle of alcohol out of my parents bar I took it to my room where with great care I slowly peeled back the tax strip opened it and poured it out into a bunch of cups I then filled it with water wrestled it and put it back under the bar the perfect crime fast-forward six months my transgression completely forgotten it's Christmas time and my mom is going out to her company Christmas party before she leaves she hands me that bottle of alcohol and asks me to wrap it for her some really young kids were constantly harrassing my mom because when she could she would give out candy to all of the tenants that vented from her in one of the mega apartment complexes she managed they would come to the door it allows asking for candy and if she didn't have any they would call her names swear at her and throw things at her door I went to visit one day when she wasn't home but my little brother was there he was all sigh he to show me this unbelievably hot Komodo dragon chili pepper he had gotten his hands on he asked if I wanted to try a sliver and of course I said no just as he started cutting it up for himself these kids come to the door they asked if we had any candy and I said no and they asked for the F at seeking old lady that live there I said well little man you shouldn't say stuff like that and they ran laughing my little brother tells me all about these kids and he gets an idea he had some of those frosted multicolored gumdrops so we took just the green ones carefully cut them open and placed part of this pepper in the middle of him while we are performing this surgery these kids keep knocking at the door and running away finally we opened the door and say hey we found some candy I offer the bowl of these things and they grab handfuls of them and take off about 15 minutes later we hear this sound like an ambulance getting softer than louder softer than louder we look out the window and there is one of the key it's running around in circles and stuffing his shirt in his mouth booing at the time we thought this was hilarious what we didn't expect was a few minutes later when we heard the kid outside the door with his dad I opened the door and the dad looks at me and says I'm sorry but my son said you gave him bad candy I said I apologize we had some gumdrops in the back and I know my mom usually gives the kids candy but that there may be some hot ones in the mix he looks at his son smacks him on the back of the head and says suck it up you've had hot candy before the kid still crying and in between stuttered breaths manages to eke out not this heart the dad actually apologized to us I found out those kids never bothered my mom again and that one probably never ate a green gumdrop again in his life this girl who liked me but I didn't know it was on a bridge with me and there was a gorgeous sunset she looked at me and told me that the sunset was really beautiful and that her heart was beating really fast I didn't understand and told her mine wasn't I don't really like her and it was really weird when it happened in a camp sleeping in bags with other kids met myself at night so I mad on the kid next to me to blame him made it look like that this got to my side twice on the same kid I don't know if this is a scumbag thing but I headed into a public bathroom once because I was about to explode from section food but just before I was about to unleash havoc the guy in the next stall got a phone call so I held it until he answered and right after he said hello I pushed worth as much force as I could muster devastating the toilet and sending out a very satisfying and resounding diarrhea noise I don't actually feel bad about it you shouldn't answer the phone in a public bathroom but he probably thought I was a scumbag there was no mistaking they heard that crap on the other end of that call once while driving a guy hopped on the road with his car right in front of me while there was no one behind me then he continued driving under the speed limit like an [ __ ] so the first chance I had I overtook him and right as we approached a green light I slowed down so he was stuck behind me just as the light turned orange I accelerated again I was able to jump the orange he hit a red light and had to wait girlfriend called me an [ __ ] I call it payback a long time ago younger singular and dumber me worked a telephone survey job I was terrible at it but generally tried my best sometimes though I'd get bored and you know what they say about idle hands every once in a while we'd get an answering machine the thing is folks don't generally remember when they record for their message if they said their names I'd strike if the message was something like this is Bob and Sally leave a message I'd record hey Sally just wanted to say I had a great time this weekend Thanks I imagine there would be some passionate conversations after that questions to the effect of if you don't know him how does he know your name I'm not out of it looking had to chime in it was one of my favorite pranks in high school my brother and best friend were on a pranking war while in college sneak over to the other's car soap it ECT the line was finally drawn when my friend Brian dumped glitter into the air ducts of my brother's car it was a hot summer day brother jumps into his car prank see a car and the gold glitter everywhere it was all over him his hockey equipment and delivery he was working as it should meet John's delivery boy at the time still we find glitter in places in the car it was like a slipper exploded in there I tipped my hat to that one but God was I happy to be out of the line of fire I wasn't really dating this girl in college we were just seriously flirting for a few months I was even her date to a few of her sorority events a few of her friends even told me she would like to date me all had to do was just ask and she gladly accept she had strong feelings for me I could tell I had feelings for her too then her one year older sister graduated from Stanford and moved to our city for work she moved in with her and their other roommate long story short over the course of a few months after getting to know and hanging out with her sister a few times I freaked her we freaked like a dozen times over a couple of months it was so crappy because she was just so into me and was so sweet to me seriously we would partially act like boyfriend and girlfriend in public sometimes although while I was freaking her sister behind her back it was in grade 3 to 5 I will aways put a page of a sixer magazine before I return the books at the end of the semester when I was six years old my dad spent all day recording songs off the radio onto a tape he gave it to me when I got home from school I listened to one song told him I didn't like that kind of music and recorded over everything he'll assembled I still feel horrible about it I recently told him about the guilt and apologized and he doesn't know what the frick I'm talking about kept a relationship going for a few extra weeks after cheating on her she knew and wanted to give it another shot but I had cheated because I wanted out then I found out she got me an amazing birthday gift I still feel terrible about it teenagers are dumb summer before eighth grade I used to spend prolonged periods of time with friends one friend and I usually ended up feuding about the most juvenile things who got the best kill on Halo who gets the last slice of pizza weed sock each other mess with the other person's food trip each other throw dirt clods and be butthurt but laughs hysterically it was like a long-term tennis match of shenanigans before we had resolved honest recent food my mom came to pick me up from his house I was enjoying a bowl of clam chowder from his pantry and was still plotting how to strike so naturally I hit the bowl of clam chowder under his bed against the wall and nested it behind some forgotten articles of clothing and left trying not to laugh at least a whole week goes by and we are talking on the landline and he's interrupted repeatedly by his small dog growling and whimpering he interrupts me many time to shout Toby shut up I'm on the phone I forgot about the crusty chowder altogether until I hear him drag his dog away from the bed where Toby was trying to go and it gets uncomfortably quiet before I hear F clam chowder you [ __ ] and it all comes back to me and laughs until I'm hung up on we are still friends and hang out without the gimmicks fifteen years later he still brings it up and I'm still ashamed but it still makes us laugh there's more I was a menace as a kid but after confessing this to my wife she suggested I share here this still haunts me to this day despite how petty it is in reception kindergarten we would all get a carton of milk every day at break time each time two kids would go and cut the plastic encasing the cartons with plastic safety scissors this kid and I get chosen to do it and when we get there I decide to cut my jumper with the scissors for no reason really people notice and ask how it happened and because it don't want to get in trouble I say that the other kid did it of course he denied it but I was stupidly persistent I kept saying he did it but giving really dumb explanations I was asked what exactly happened and all I said was he came up to me and cut my jumper I eventually confessed crying to my mom and I felt guilty ever since also one time they were giving out oranges and I took two oranges when they said we could only take one my sister asked me to get her a bowl of cereal I poured in the milk first and then put the cereal and gave it to her when I was 13 on a really hot day in summer a girl was picking on me in science class so I chopped off a piece of liver we were dissecting and put it in her school bag apparently it stank on the school bus at the end of the day in fourth grade I sat next to this kid that had some spine deformation and it meant he was confined to a wheelchair everyone felt bad for him and was so nice to him but I didn't like him he came off as entitled I was one of those smart kids that would finish all my tests in ten minutes so I could read star wars EU books well I noticed during one math test the wheelchair kid was copying my answers I answered every question wrong and when he turned over his test to show he was done I quickly changed all my answers to be incorrect he failed the test got a zero nine years later when we were seniors in HS he ended up passing away I went to his funeral a lot of my classmates went and were so distraught but me free day off school knocked up a friend's wife middle school staff when girls annoyed me and junior high I would write notes like they were from friend to friend I would make up terrible things about them and drop them in hallways got sick at washing dishes by day two in home Eric started breaking dishes on purpose until the teacher wouldn't let me wash or dry anymore didn't want to sir the assign project so I hired a classmate spend my time sewing the same wing from a bird for the entire semester classmate would just toss me finished pieces as they were completed met with the vice principal who was trying to turn me around in life spent the hour telling him in no uncertain terms that I had planned my life already and was going to play professional sports I didn't play sports he knew I was being an ass but kept trying nope I just sat there going on and on about my sports plans like I was totally legit this definitely isn't the worst but it's funny I was seven months pregnant with my son and my ex his driver-side door was broken and couldn't be opened so he had to climb over the passenger seat to get out I had just eaten a double cheeseburger and skittles for lunch and he was being kind of a pain in the ass so I thought a thought in the car upon my exiting would be funny problem was he was already halfway over the passenger seat and when I stuck my butt in the car to fart his face was really close to my ass and so I farted right in his face I laughed so hard I cried and thought it again he was screaming and yelling and I just kept laughing harder he didn't talk to me for the rest of the night in hindsight it was worth it my friend told some friends I was a virgin at 21 many girls decided to take my virginity asked a girl to date me realized I'd made a terrible mistake dumped her for days later on Valentine's Day yikes swapped out my broken PlayStation with a neighbor kids PlayStation literally ran to my house when he went down for supper and swapped them out before he came back upstairs he called my house asking if his playstation was working fine when he was gone I have course acted as if nothing seemed wrong with it felt so bad I ended up having another opportunity that weekend and swapped them back again I felt a little better when he called later that day super excited that his PlayStation worked again yeah 12 year old me was a grade-a scumbag I stole pasta sauce from Tesco was delivering pizza and pasta for a regional GrubHub thing getting out of the car the pasta spilled onto the floor of my dirty-ass Jeep Wrangler the decent thing would have been to go back to the restaurant and he pretend other dollars instead I scooped the pasta wrap and put it back in the tin with car dirt and fuzz and all and delivered it to the customers I was fired within two hours and I'm now known as pasta fingers to my friends I had one of my non banned girlfriend's pants a girl during marching practice one afternoon circa 1980 if ever a girl needed pantsing it was she this girl was pretty bossy and thought she was while a better than everyone else correcting people's technique and generally being insufferable not only did the whole band witnesses but the football team was practicing so they saw it all go down hair - she was wearing flowery full-coverage old lady Underpants and let out a shriek that made sure everyone in the vicinity looked it was glorious while in high school I attended a house party at some chicks house who sucked I stole all her TV remotes forget about controversial new is where the juicy stuff is at remember to sort by controversial in high school I dated a girl briefly Hassan tlie died she had his old car I made her drive me around to get some weed and other crap then we freaked in her dead brother's car then when she dropped me off I broke up with her because I really just wanted a ride and delay later I realized I had left my drugs in her car so I called her got back together got my drugs and broke up with her again but not before getting one last lane I was a bad person in high school years later I did make amends with her and we found a way to move past that bullcrap I pulled when I was in college and broke I used to put my parking tickets on a similar model and color car most of them got paid took a picture of my friend's car and put it on Craigslist for one half the KBB value I put a story about being called up for active duty and that I just needed to get rid of the vehicle fast put his cell phone number in Viet and said contact two four seven need car gone for three days he received over 60 calls an hour all day and night it was glorious back in high school I was dating this one girl and frankly was quite into her then I kept getting told over and over she was banging some other guys me being naive didn't believe it because we were so perfect together fast forward a couple more months and I found out the rumors were true so I figured what the hell might as well blow this bridge up I went over one night and things started getting hot and heavy I told her the condoms were in my car and I'd be right back and since she was already naked to keep playing with herself until I returned I walk out of her room and downstairs and told her dad that she wanted to talk to him I then be lined right to my car and drove home had quite the wonderful message from her when I got there I'll start things off still a chocolate bar from a shop when I was like nine to get in good with the older cooler felt so bad I went back at 16 and gave the man a chocolate bar back and paid what I owed my friend invited me over to get wasted while his parents were away we were both 14 years old this was a long time ago and we got very inebriated when he went to sleep that night I filled his eye sockets with vva glue and when he woke up in the morning he thought he had wasted himself blind it was freakin hilarious [Music]

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Views: 22,126

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Keywords: reddit, askreddit, askreddit funny, top posts, top posts of r/, r/, r/askreddit, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, top posts of all time, askreddit question, askreddit top posts, ask reddit, askreddit reading, subreddit, reddit stories, best of r/askreddit, funny reddit, best reddit posts, best of reddit, reddify, toadfilms

Id: XNhQTvrj-60

Length: 29min 36sec (1776 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 06 2020