>>Russell Peters: Where the Arabs at, tonight? Arabs, in the house, where are you? [Audience members cheer] All strategically placed, I see. [Laughter] [Laughter and Applause] That's no accident, huh? [Laughter continues] All in the center. [Arabic accent] "This way we all go, "boom," in the middle, over everything." [Laughter and Clapping] [To audiene member] "What kind of Arab are you, bro? [Inaudible] Moroccan? And Iraq? [Inaudible] Just-- Just Iraq? So, not Moroccan? You're Iraqi. I've been to Iraq-- To perform, but obviously, not for, you know, the Iraqis. It's not a very-- you know, comedy filled place, you know? [Laughter] It's not like there's comedy clubs, in Iraq, you know, like-- [Arabic accent] "Welcome to Saddam's Ji-HA-HA-HA-had Hut!" You know, it's not like-- [Laughter and Applause] [Arabic accent] "Our comedy is, "the bomb!" [Laughter] "Watch us EXPLODE with laughter!" [Laughter] [To audience members] So, you're Iraqi. What are you guys, over there? [Russell off-screen] Kuwait! Saudi! Is it, "Saudi," or, "SA-OODY?" [Laughter] 'Cause I did shows, in Bahrain, once, and there were Saudi people, in the audience, and I go, "Oh where are you from?" The guy goes, [Arabic accent] "SA-OODY!" [Laughter] And I thought he hiccuped, or something, whilst he was saying, "Saudi." I thought he was like, "SA- [mimicks a hiccup] You know, but like, I go, "What did you say?" He goes, [Arabic sccent] "SA-OODY!" And I go-- "What the fuck," and I ask somebody, after, I go, "Why is he saying, 'SA-OODY," and they go, [Arabic accent] "That is, actually, the correct way, of saying, 'Saudi." "It's 'Sa-oody." [Laughter] I go, "So, do I drive an Audi, or an, 'A-OODY?' What do I-- What am I driving?" [Laughter and Applause] I always have fun in the Middle East. I always have a good time. [To audience] My white friends, have you gone to the Middle East, at all? No? You should go check it out. [Low laughter] I like that. You shave your head, but you kept the unibrow. That's very cool, I like-- [Laughter] That's pretty insane, looking at that thing. Look at that! [Laughter continues] [English accent] Well, I was going bald, but if I had hair, it would come down to here, wouldn't it? [Laughter] You should go check out the Middle East. It's not, at all, how the media makes the Middle East seem, You watch the news, especially the North American news, they have some sort of hard-on, for the Arabs. Whenever they show you Arab people, on the news, they're always-- They make them look crazy! That's the thing. Don't they? When you watch the news, and you watch, like, CNN, don't you get mad? They just make Arabs look like they're exploding, every five minutes, you know what I mean? [Laughter] They make it look like they're walking around, going, [Arabic accent] "Yes, I'm going shopping. What are you going to do?" "Oh, I'm going to blow up." "Okay, well-- [Laughter] I'll see you, in paradise, okay?" [Chuckles] [Laughter] "Hey! Save me a virgin! I'm kidding, I'm kidding." [Laughter] "You earned them. You earned them. They're yours." [Laughter] You go to the Middle East - very friendly people! I always have fun, with the Arabs, they're-- they're, actually, very nice. They're rich as shit. [Audience members cheer] The ones I've seen-- and you know what i'm talking about Saudi guy, He-- he's like, [Arabic accent] "I know. I am very rich, it's ok." [Laughter] And, like, Arab rich-- brown guy-- Arab rich-- very different, than anybody else's rich. I may be considered American rich-- That's cute, to Arabs. [Low laughter] Like, American rich: "I have 10 million dollars." Arab rich: "I don't know which pants I put the 10 million dollars in, I don't. [Laughter] "Oh, they're maybe in the washer, I find it one day." [Laughter] Their rich is, different! [No audio] They keep trying, to sell us different places, on the news, too. They'll, like, shit all over the Middle East, but then, they'll keep trying to sell Dubai, to us, you know what I mean? [To audience member] You're Indian, right? Yeah, don't clap for Dubai, then, 'cause-- [Laughter] First of all, they won't let you have citizenship, even if you're born there. [Laughter] Second of all, they treat us, like shit! [Inaudible] And listen, let's be honest. You go to the Middle East, Indians are the Mexicans, of the Middle East. That's what we are. [Laughter] We build everything, for them, over there. All those fancy buildings they have, we fucking built! And I don't know what part of India they went to, to find these Indians, but i have never seen them before. [Laughter] I've been to India. North, South, East, West-- The whole place, and I never saw these Indians. They bought an entire race, of Indians, that doesn't exist, in India, anymore. [Laughter] I swear to God. I went to Dubai, I went to a construction site-- Little Indians, like, this big! Full-grown men! Not midgets, just-- short. [Laughter] And scrawny! And I was like, "Where did you find them?" [Arabic accent] "We bought all of them." [Laughter] "They were very cheap. We took-- How much? Give me the whole race, I'll take it." [Laughter] "I have something, I need built, so--" [Laughter] And I'm not making this up. I went to a construction site. A full-on, proper construction site, with cranes, and tractors, and there's these little Indian guys, I swear to God, the guy was wearing a wife-beater - a tanktop, boxer shorts, flip-flops, [Laughter and a hardhat. [Laughter] I go, "You've got a hardhat - Where's your steel-toe boots?" He goes, [Indian accent] "You see--" "We can only have one, or the other." [Laughter] "I have 10 toes." [Laughter] "I only have one head." [Laughter] "Protect your head!" [Applause] ♪ ♪
