The longest Scott the Woz out of context video

9-1-1 what's your emergency please [ __ ] me here we're picking up my anonymous friend joe robertson who has opted to have his identity concealed in this vlog which i happily agreed to here we've arrived at joe robertson's home address 8730 waterville swanton road waterville ohio oh my god me using the photo channel can finally drink well dinner is served and possibly edible too bon appetit why didn't my meals turn out bad it was the controller not me first empty your pockets oh man so we're gonna end up going to an actual vape shop all right so let's go to vapin hobbies let's vape on i'm not doing it my elbow was on the buy house key on the keyboard the whole time i bought 20 of them things get out of hand that's where our trusty chaperone enters the picture he's been violently conditioned to resist all forms of alcohol drugs violence and sex and most importantly sex oh we're doing this for you my brother same thing here we go just listed one soul on craigslist we have a buyer welcome [ __ ] i spelt soup need somebody to fear you when there's nobody in sight just take a tug at our patented beer meat rope you'll be beard in no time [Music] hey you that's me the two-year warranty i hate the metric system how many hours is that man i run a pumpkin patch not a clock gotta be honest with you you don't look like your pictures sorry i was shot on the way here might as well be a stereotypical frat guy because i'm way into donald trump we have the fraternity wanted a large portrait of the man for our frat house so we commissioned an artist to do so there's a bit of miscommunication uh so we got a large portion of dave coulier instead a lot of pro-scam folk out there would say well that just looks like a pyramid scheme i mean i'm no geometrist but uh that's a triangle he's right i think this is gearing me up for real life girls good learning from the best would you like a koozie yeah that's my client all right where do i fill out the application to become homeless haha i get that reference i too use words so i'm back i recently bought some itunes gift cards one for me and the others for the next homeless guy i see on the street because i'm just a giving person and you know he could use that itunes gift card much more than i could i also want an excuse to go to this hospital near me they're really cool they got a vending machine and everything oh my god this room is crazy my arteries ah you like sitting at tables too it is table season now before you get judgmental here know two things one i'm only posing as a girl to get laid and i'm only 12 virgin points away from being eligible for a v card i need to find the quickest possible way to not get laid let's pop this bad boy open cook it up and try it out you know what that's actually pretty good let me check the ingredients on this bad boy i'll hell yeah is that a pinball machine oh my god my ass is bleeding when i saw you i was like wow what i would give to see her at a table okay i'll come across women i know well that's enticing specifically because the only women i know are cartoon foxes if i wanted to get laid i'd talk about donkey kong barrel blast for 10 minutes but nope now we gotta spread these chia seeds i ran out of them halfway through i panicked and used chili for the rest it's all the same in the end wow you're so dreamy you have those i have a dead brother lips it is dead brother season what type of body turns you on ooh i love buffalo wild wings just leave the crispix on the counter as a conversation piece don't let that bill of yours is he uh related to you yep death does run in the family nope nah i don't mingle with people who associate with the dead learn to be alive for once what type do i prefer i'll say oh well bamo oh [ __ ] it's a white guy like i have this weird thing where i have to lick every controller that i see donkey kong are you bleeding yes let's discuss and you know while some races are definitely better than others we just have to realize that that's how it was always meant to be now those bears they sell at hot topic yeah they made a game out of them yes this is scott man fun from vimeo zip locks [ __ ] great i don't want any bleeders vegan oh great what am i gonna do with all my blood why is the blood yellow yeah i'm color blind please take off your shoes now the developer scott coffin made a sequel so i could definitely try out that one to see if it grabs me and if that one doesn't do it how about this one or this one maybe this one this one might do it sorry man i thought that wasn't a beer and i'm gonna use the tried and true cop and munch tactic that's n with an n wow now that's what i call consumption finally the cure for all sex minecraft i made lows all right i got seven words for you i will [ __ ] anything with a face me our scants of customers usually like to get into fights about who has the most points on the race cards we like to call them race wars doki doki literature club a horror game that isn't just due to cowering and fear when your parents walk in on you playing it i have to get laid i think it'll bump on my credit score and you're gonna also realize that that eye examination chart is a bit white well i donated blood in the car it was great hey guys condoms right why aren't you [ __ ] i'm only one virgin point away from being eligible for a v card maybe just mentioning viral games can give me that one point uh there's facade getting over it amnesia donkey kong barrel no no no no no i'm never gonna be a virgin at this rate so now we're deliberately spiking everything we're spiking the punch the food the ballot box what do you like to do tap water we supply all kids with a bunch of lead-based paint because cranes are pretty toxic and we're also not allowed to bring crayons to the kids after 2012's little incident you know one of the top 10 names for children this year happens to be sonic the hedgehog 3 because when everybody wants to be unique nobody's unique stop naming your children unique names just name your kid [ __ ] earl hi my name is jake my friends call me todd but uh my real name is scott just picture me and my mom oh which one's you just get a mop or something and clean all this up we need food pronto let's celebrate by playing a game focused entirely on oh [ __ ] it's pronounced breasts i was always pronounced beans you got your dental records on you yeah impressive well the chaperone is getting psychologically conditioned to be all for alcohol drugs violent sex and most importantly sex sorry about that guys they can just get a little hectic maintaining a restaurant okay hey hey now of course you may ask why am i resorting to real life virtual women this valentine's day i could always try out dating apps i could download bumble it's like tinder for when you run out of matches on tinder or i could try meeting somebody in person tommy's looking really good after saying that do you have a death certificate sorry not yet good i'm not [ __ ] a ghost again i need to hide my identity with a mask so then people can be relaxed this will ease the tension what a way to spend the week of valentine's day living it up playing dead or alive extreme beach volleyball while just saying that hurt imagine actually doing it it's pathetic before you ask why yes i have killed a man come on that's not it anymore i just want to be interesting you will not be disappointed in my services i mean the best playlist for kids that are half my age it's all here on my trusty laptop i thought that was a beer i should really start contributing more to the human race maybe i should start protesting and demanding changes to society we eliminate the number four and replace it with the letter h outlaw headphone jacks foot gloves penguin flight school stamps for stamps the nbaa should rate shirts reclassify aspartame as a vegetable make our a vowel like a driving range yeah but without the flirty smoking is the fifth biggest cause of virginity in the u.s alone hey y'all scott here you wouldn't believe it i was on a train it crashed and now i'm washed up on this deserted island i really shouldn't have worn this shirt today the way i see it you can't spell homecoming without alcohol poisoning no all right just tell me when [Music] that's good oh you know my brother he worked at wendy's oh the wendy's employee how's he doing oh yeah not too good he's been dead the past month what the hell he didn't tell us hey y'all future scott here and welcome to 2027 where i wear a chef hat now and where robo ebola reigns supreme it's a 2027 thing you wouldn't understand that tears it i'm ready i'm gonna wear this chef's hat like it's 20 27 and we're going to make history and to a lesser extent food all right well now i have a better idea of what kind of games i should start playing it's not like how much else to do i mean all they have here is a fight below like come on no wonder it's deserted i haven't messaged any girls on tinder and i haven't gotten any responses yet fellas i am so horny hey all scott here and tonight's the big homecoming dance not to brag or anything but i'm gonna get laid hey all scott here and tonight was the big night seven years ago not to brag or anything but i wish i got laid there's a strict no skin policy if it ain't covered up it's getting thrown out if you don't abide by this policy you must have flashlight tape to crotch yes i spelled that right this is to ensure things don't get too pg when the light's down have you considered getting a job yeah that's a huge turnout for the girls god damn i thought they liked eviction notices yeah i should get rid of this i'll take one he bought a legal porn i looked up some advanced chia pet techniques all we need is some gloves and a hammer we put the gloves on take the hammer and swing damn it you know you're happy when you have 200 nes games to cry to oh no thank you you see i prefer just questioning why a lot of seniors in high school were taking freshmen what the hell was going on there i always keep my fridge unplugged to save energy so i'll plug it back in to get these popsicles cooking great pets died in my foot hurts today but i have one last shot to make things right because i will start to raise daniel from karate kid i don't need companionship i've been a human being for 21 years why would a 23 year old need another human in their life look at this it's my integrity i will do anything for money the statement still stands you sure you don't want a funeral i'm really good at funerals if i'm free next week sure but right now i want a school dance name one time sonic spinball existed go ahead name one sonic spinball sonic spinball sonic spinball i was a different man back then no i'm now certified 9-1-1 what's your emergency yeah hi i was wondering if you guys are taking applications hey all scott here hey scott all here we can feel every madden every 08 this is truly a milestone let's take a look at my resume i am going [ __ ] nowhere hey all scott here i could certainly go for a definition right about now well times three want a bite your final breath is a beautiful thing so you better not blurt out something [ __ ] stupid like harry potter in the chamber of secrets for game boy color [Music] probably to jail for an undiscernable amount of time hey y'all 9-1-1 here motion sickness can be a blast if it's a smash brother stage ew hey y'all scott here and before you ask honestly what does it look like i'm doing i don't know man i just feel overwhelmed with what's your emergency yeah i'll call you back later congratulations that was the first use of that analogy ever listen man i don't have time for this i'm brushing my teeth because of based on past experiences that doesn't sound like you're brushing with toothpaste sounds like your brush on parade not again hey hey everybody this is a pre-recorded news segment from august 2016. i'm just gonna take a wild shot in the dark and say that all copies of madden 18 are stolen from target [Music] holy [ __ ] i called it hey y'all scott here and what am i doing you just asked well i'm currently coping with the atrocity i'm about to experience knowing star fox zero by drinking this top of the line alcohol its taste derives from my thumb placement which i refuse to change if anything i need to know is underneath my thumb well it can wait because i have stars to box in with only a few flicks you'll quickly understand madenote is a right not a privilege but i'm an [ __ ] always keep a frying pan handy you never know when a 7 out of 10 game is gonna strike hey guys look what i brought holy [ __ ] is that magnum nine god i love vegan bread pairs your little vegan coffee too so vegan water is back introducing water zex plus the cooler more anti-busy way of staying hydrated it's water z e x plus from water productions this ain't your granddad's water well i'm sold diet god is still god dear scott people constantly make fun of my eyebrows what should i do i hate facial hair get rid of them hopefully if a re-release does well we'll see a sequel to madden 08 what does that mean no matter wait is the video game to really redefine the madden 08 genre man why don't we buy a rotten watermelon off of that guy get that thing out of here to me you're basically wearing a racial slur on the shirt thank you him him and even him some of the most iconic antagonists in all media [Music] luckily i was diagnosed with a little thing i like to call street smarts here's scott not advice just a question have you ever killed somebody um no say it with me now gay conversion therapy hey y'all scott here and i'm in a predicament you see i don't want to be called a [ __ ] so i'll play call of duty but i want to be a puppy while playing call of duty black friday also referred to as holy [ __ ] i'm buying that 10 day is a holiday joining the likes of cyber monday fat tuesday and ash wednesday and that's why i constructed the mario galaxy probability formula it formulates the percent chance of the probability of giant b's in outer space it's zero oh not again kept this string tied to my finger for the past seven months i've seen what hell looks like hey y'all scott here we're gonna be talking about the wii we might as well get this out of the way dear scott which is better super mario odyssey or the legend of zelda breath of the wild oh thank god you asked that i had no idea how i was going to fill the next 20 minutes we still have get to see what the final game for my favorite console the gamecube was the prophecy and don't you just hate it when your final words are frogger for the snes hi everybody and welcome to how many amiibo can i fit in my mouth let's pick one at random here damn it this game actually reeks [Music] son of a [ __ ] i'm so lucky no how am i going to play matador now but i have to say i bought gravity rush remastered for a solid 20 on amazon and it's definitely worth that price i wonder if it's still that cheap i bought [ __ ] soap i decided to go forth with the world's first ever no touch speed run of the legend of zelda breath of the wild it's a work in progress hey y'all scott here [Music] [ __ ] there it is others are like no way and i'm like art academy stage and they're like well wait a second man and i'm like elite beat agent stage and then they're like good god man slow down and i'm like this anderson's house from cheap robo and they're like this man is a [ __ ] animal he must be stopped yep that's not me hey y'all scott here you ever look at a baby and you're like [ __ ] yeah and that's what i call a baby doesn't matter what game they're selling here i'm sold i thought it was a black lives matter rally so overall i give e3 2017 it excuse me that must be my doctor my results must be in yellow hey scott it's dr ebill here got your test results in and it seems you've been diagnosed with disappointment oh what did i do last night watch out mario he's behind you these buttons just look like they're up to something i give star fox zero they sell a non-very good that's where the deathy aftertaste came from i should really work on my thumb placement more i picked up some classic mario bros cigarettes oh hi i didn't see you there hey everybody um my name is scott hates breath of the wild and i really hate breath of the wild and you should hate breath of the wild too because this not a good game um please subscribe i make most mostly hourly content sometimes i get a little busy so i might miss an hour here there but please subscribe please whoa i didn't know relevancy could take the form of concrete matter [Music] the whole concrete matter thing has been a fad for eons hey y'all scott here and hey zelda breath of the wild finally came in so i can finally open this box up and talk about what an amazing game it is on the nintendo switch i repurposed all my old jeans as washcloths and oh man do i ever hate nintendo that's why i bought all these games just to make fun of them psy gosh do i loathe this dumb company and all of their stupid loser fans fans who are all more than likely mega virgins me on the other hand they call me the anti-virgin it totally slipped my mind that i have no sex waiting for me at home right now death if nintendo disappoints me it's no biggie i always have a bottle of pepto-bismol on standby just in case nintendo makes me want to vomit my feelings out in terms of future plans i would like to be 25 years old someday you know i have aspirations too you know leaky steve ended up sending me this big smash brothers league so i gotta check it out no way no ghost allowed i've had too many bad experiences with those things i'm ready to call it quits [Music] it's like nintendo thinks i'm a sucker who will buy any one of their products at any price point everybody who is or was at some point of virgin is a major loser riddle me this nintendo why can't i name my character mr ass but i can look up dead dogs on the wii u's web browser uh well everybody good luck out there and see you later hey y'all scott here tambourine selling's in my blood so welcome to the marine bazaar where tambourine selling's our specialty my tambourines i'll buy out your whole goddamn stock 50 at the basket proceed to check out oh god does this hurt this hurts me so much you know what i don't care buy now hey all scott here i've heard the requests and yep i'm finally gonna do it today we're gonna be taking a look at house arrest hey y'all scott here i don't know what happened i just kind of blacked out and here i am hey all scott here i went to a psychic and found out i'm gonna die someday jesus bloomer hey y'all hey hey scott you caught me playing madden 05 for the game boy advance see what i really like about this game is the gameplay you really can't beat it scott you really [ __ ] can't beat the gameplay i'm actually finally over buying all those as seen on tv products son of a [ __ ] hey the usual right one copy of we play motion to go thanks chief dick vitel is a myth i like dick by town more like i don't like dick vital but i drew devil horns on him that's how you know he's bad the police agree with me hey man can you drive my dad at the hospital i'm busy uh is your manager manipulative i'd say no to that if i were you all my copies of mad in a way have been by towed studies show that 9 out of 10 gamers play video games talking about madden looking at madden trading in madden don't worry guys we'll have plenty of canteens i stocked up on world of war collector's editions you fool i have a we loaded with we wear game i have a reloaded with we wear games i have a wii loader with we wear games you have osteoporosis i have a we loaded with we were games do you struggle in streams and i'm sold alexa what is the definition of a virgin someone who likes stuart little and has never owned mata 13 for the wii u oh well thank god i got my oh my every time oh god this is gonna sound so mean i'm sorry if this comes off as negative this redesign [ __ ] reeks hey all scott here all right total trade in value is going to be 10.50 well uh i got this skylanders for the wii u how much is it now 1048 ludic vitel's awesome baby collar troops is what i would personally consider to be an all-time hooping classic it's definitely the pinnacle of the dig by towel-related genesis games with awesome baby in the title nintendo taught me it's okay to be self-conscious about my appearance since they obviously were with a 3ds after changing it like 12 times hey all scott here and i can't wait to finally head to this game controller issues meeting i just found out about yeah i just heard that pretty bad hey well it's over new store open down the street some really steep competition and go back to playing some mana now this is mine i'm gonna have to give madden 99 a 7.5 out of 10. it really is the dark souls of japanese shoot em ups i'm legally obligated to state the following three hoes on a merry jesus birthday is on december 25th powerful led urine finder that's what they used to call me in high school join our membership head [Music] not you yeah i like this one we have all the perfect names to spank onto your child we have smith johnson williams for nintendo 3ds brown off to buy video games right now i have to leave my room i just want to get scared but it's just not happening look my hands been bleeding this entire time it's doing nothing for me i have another for real this time meeting about video game related issues this time on video game box art you gotta be [ __ ] kidding me i see you like piktochat ah the last two messages didn't send yeah it sounded a lot more murdery than i wanted it to hey scott it's dr bill it's my honor to tell you you have a urinary tract infection i hate when that happens before i use cheat codes i look like this and look at me now with every purchase of a tambourine you get a free copy of wee music wham damn you cheated mario 10 64. you're the playground's messiah you cheated mario tennis aces the neighbors get alerted when you move in near him zane doesn't look like a man he looks like six means playing music in a field capcom learns the mega man soccer legacy collection including all one games you know we're really looking for somebody who's into all different types of games are you that kind of guy i don't give a piss didn't do much for me but it really didn't excite me title never interested me didn't look all too entertaining i wasn't interested it doesn't appeal to my taste doesn't really appeal to me not super into mobile games way that makes me not care at all i'm not an rpg guy and i'm not a xenoblade guys i'm not really into it all i like the wii perfect you're hired that's me i don't know who else it could be i put any and all contact information on my resume including one and where i'm available on piktochat that'll set me apart and would you look at the time it's that time again for my weekly birth certificate check huh turns out my full name is officially scott will eventually take a look at the first mega man wozniack it's all starting to make sense from here on out i will never use a verb dammit two definitions eternal damnation and developing duke nukem forever night trap will never appear on a nintendo system oh [ __ ] dangerous by the monkeys so they made their own box art seriously how else am i supposed to beat wheel of fortune on nes can't beat this sucker without the moon gravity cheat damn it they never asked me to make a game in the first place they asked me to make a snickers bar e3 1998 right say goodbye to those human years because i am legally considered a building now which means i can get reviewed on yelp i wrote piss on this gallon of milk to make sure nobody drinks it miriam webster's dictionary defines devil's third as a three from gamespot rayman gino the general chibirobo vince young brett favre while also considering picking up pac-man to the new adventures but i'm still alive so you know that didn't happen on august 4 2018 i leave the shower running overnight [ __ ] hey y'all scott here and i'm just sitting here with my old pal good video game i just can't wait to tear right into you for a hearty dose of 70 or above on metacritic step one i do the work step two disaster strikes step three explaining myself in pots funny stories so uh the hard drive corrupted and finally step one i do the work this happens every two weeks i don't know what i'm doing wrong there are a few things that are certain in this world love death and devil's third being one of the most negatively reviewed games nintendo's ever published e for edible r for ranch and itlfn it tastes like [ __ ] nickels hey y'all scott here you ever love a game so much that other people say is basically the bubonic plague i've been there and i'm here to combat those people by stripping that word of all negativity i love super smash brothers broth this [ __ ] is bubonic let's go to best buy and see how many games in the mario series are on the shelf [Music] alright now let's see how many games in the sushi striker series they have what rated everyone 10 and up what i would give to one of sweepstakes dinner with that guy i've actually been using this time to read up on an old family recipe to bake my own milk for this very moment that that's probably it ah where's the rewind button here are some happy people some happy happy happy people remember it's not a phase it's a lifestyle it was a phase i had a dream that i was the sex boy just the other day i was making mayonnaise and accidentally made geist instead i hate when that happens the death of a loved one is definitely no fun especially when that loved one is chibi-robo i think it's a good idea to check and see how the cardboard industry is doing now damn it i deliberately left this one out to avoid this from happening one sec yep expected to hear that hello you've reached styrofoam productions hi yeah i'd like some packing peanuts hold the packing i'm a [ __ ] maniac hey y'all scott here and whoops i left this milk out for the past week but i haven't opened it until now so it's still brand new it's probably fine holy [ __ ] that was rotten but how could it have been that way it was new new super mario brothers it's amazing to think that a company established all the way back in 1889 made this hey y'all scott here and step right up to the birth off where we fuse illegal gambling in pregnant women which pregnant woman will squirt one out first place your bets and let's find out i have been ordered to issue an apology by the court of law there were a few other variants on the ultra machine but i believe this was the first edition from 1967 neighborhoods going to [ __ ] don't worry guys we're in an online chat room these people are wholesome with a capital h scratch that maybe things have cleared up in the past 12 minutes i'm not a shame to give this game two out of ten i always keep a spare whisk on me at all times if there's one thing that makes childbirth a drag it's a legal gambling transition from 2d to 3d is a process of physical changes through which a franchise's 2d roots mature into a 3d one capable of sexual reproduction this is the wikipedia article for puberty fire emblem whoops nintendo ran sex hotels hey scott here this is bad real bad i totally predicted the nintendo switch yeah i was in the video and even following the directions i don't know why i came out with bread watch as he avoids this swatter i had a crazy night last night this lamp didn't stand a [ __ ] chance three-pointer hey y'all scott here and well i'm stuck here for the foreseeable future i don't want to slip and fall and have to file a lawsuit against scott wozniak could it have been anything else think any of you [ __ ] can get this question right oh me me i'm a [ __ ] i think i'm gonna go heckle some dogs at the pound it's gonna be hilarious when will i ever learn everybody listened to me and at the end they gave me this slick coin and they told me to come again next time so i think we have this one in the bag son of a [ __ ] that was an aaa meeting i've gone this whole time without showing any form of dairy what the hell well thanks for bringing me thanks thanks for coming oh [ __ ] it's starting hey y'all scott here i got nothing hey y'all scott here poverty hey y'all scotty we play do you is that a threat you know i could use another emergency copy of connect adventures nothing like an existential crisis to start your day you know what i i could use a toothbrush why does this keep happening to me there's something more advanced than a wii remote this is scott wozniak's we play motion reselling studios liquidate the company i won't kill him i'll treat him like any pet should be treated oh my god there's a wii play the chia seeds gave me a yeast infection on my head i've been murdered far too many times to accept lego dimensions for christmas i bought this [ __ ] mug okay i like video games all right y'all scott here could you imagine a world where we play motion didn't exist hey y'all scott here can you imagine a world where we play motion existed yeah it's [ __ ] terrifying i was wearing a polo this is what we like to call a big replay moment what am i to do with all these maddens 25 15 16 son of a [ __ ] son of a [ __ ] and this guy's pretty cool i want to grow one yesterday was my go-to by flink smash day the day before that was by the rights to sockstake didn't pan out lost a few grand well have you ever died not personally but i'll get around to it eventually this isn't we play this is a bunch of [ __ ] look at him you just want to see him with grass in his skull that's right we plays back i don't need other games psp it's like a nut you can play with outside i want that all gone my pocket there's a receipt for a hungry man meal does it look like i'm doing okay yeah you can get laid on the go technically speaking ibm owns the weather you couldn't fit the wii remote in a bun yes wednesday deals were terrible this what about the wendy's employee nobody ever suspects the wendy's employee it feels like i'm drowning or waterboarding him so i'm just gonna give him a bath you know there was a chia bull but you can't make egg demos downloadable believe me i checked you ever hear of the madden curse oh my foot you know i don't actually know if i actually got this where's my receipt i died who would have thought madden on your chest could lead to injuries so i was eating cereal this morning and it was [ __ ] dreadful thanks for asking take off your mask who are you i never would have guessed didn't luigi say [ __ ] mario golf let's just listen to some gaming mysteries about luigi and call it a night wasn't that the guy that said [ __ ] mario golf is this even legal death is the most common cause for dust it has a knife yeah for fun not for murder we have to wait all the way until the clock strikes midnight and then we can have no sex it's a murder not a tax on it we'll be fine no sex for me thanks bullsh [Music] i did it i solved the mystery sure can i take out a loan what the [ __ ] is wrong with you the guys are all getting treated for murder at the hospital they should all be fine hey all scott here and damn it i own sonic jam it's a pretty rare game but i don't want to be known as the guy who owns sonic jam when i'm dead i feel like i've been murdered all over again there i was about to get out of bed and face the challenges life had for me that day but then the trauma came back and and i just couldn't do it with this in the room well i got a question by the police i yelled at everybody beer was everywhere i got home at 4 a.m and i got [ __ ] soaked it was the homecoming i always wanted in high school [Music] this cost me a nickel i finally bought a shoelace it's really firm and on one end we have a usb connector that's pretty unique and on the other end oh damn it this always happens to me come back to me on that one i have jury duty tomorrow which means i can't die if i don't show up i'll go to prison feel free to help yourself to an old shaft family recipe this is jimmy john's which one is in fact the rarest game of all time it's sonic 2 with a line this isn't a life support machine this was just a bread box what come on why do you got to do it here hey y'all scott here i'm on life support now no reason just felt like it hey y'all scott here oh yeah garbage hey y'all scott here quick what's the first thing you think of when you think mysterious mysteries right to everybody who's like ah scott doesn't play my favorite games well [ __ ] you have you played chicken shoot looks like whoever the killer is had dark hair well good that narrowed it down a bit what's up 1999 livers here we are in the year 1999 at e3 1999 and if you need photographic proof this is 19.99 i'm gonna write that in your 2019. okay so if any of you die you have to tell me okay well this doesn't call for a celebration anymore this calls for a coping strategy oh [ __ ] what system is this for y'all scott here ever since the beginning of time in november of 2003 mankind has asked one question why is there only one game called mario kart double dash we play i've evo told the machine i'm hooked up to is doing some pretty great stuff it's efficient it's useful it's made by mad cats i should probably start proofreading my will we're all friends here who the [ __ ] are you now that is the happiest looking angry mob i've ever seen now why wouldn't they be they can go on the virtual console and buy more mania listen i just don't want to walk out of the house without this thing and constantly ask myself what if well well that is what they all say i'm going to mail this to nintendo [Music] should probably move that away from the mailbox but that's why the irs didn't receive my tax payments i'm getting audited hey y'all scott here and i'm freaking out here i was outside and i heard somebody say one of the numbers in my social hey all scott here you know people don't get that anymore combining the word scott all hay in here general population do you give a [ __ ] that yoshi's cookie never made it to wii u virtual console no you heard it here first folks how did i get here see if nintendo didn't monopolize the industry we would have like nine games called that by now see i was there i was also two at the time but i was also there i have all the necessities i need to survive right here in this bag oh man dammit this is all i brought my shoes aren't ready for this kind of commitment oh yeah hopefully e3 2020 more companies don't drop out hey all scott here i haven't checked on my birth certificate since last september that i'm really falling behind so let's see what it has in store for uh i can smell virginity and todd howard swearing in the air so it must mean e3 2019's here my favorite e3 of 2019 i've been diagnosed with not giving a [ __ ] about loot crate but thank god carnival games came to iphone nothing makes the blind more uncomfortable than a good old-fashioned game of charades ready i'm about to show you something terrifying i already pissed myself i can die now here's a message to all you serial killers out there stop christ's sakes i blur out my inkjet numbers hi gang it's scott welcome to scottsburg everybody no just scott guys look a me i played fling smash people of you hey anybody up for tennis i bought a hat i'm talking about reboots welcome back to another installment of destroying my credibility all i have to do is grab your system grab an air horn bring it close and here we have the college essentials oh [ __ ] the letters are evolving yesterday i found out i was doing laundry wrong this whole time you gotta be kidding me the only two things i'm good at discussing right now are years and games so i just gotta come up with some your base video game topics oh [ __ ] i just realized this is the box art from wario world [ __ ] the jig is up [Music] do you guys tell replay don't even get me started here's my blood type dammit i spent 250 on this system i have 20 and i need a weekend for my kid did somebody order terrible i ate here oh no if i don't do anything about this mild congestion i'm gonna die in 60 to 70 years look at me i'm the nintendo switch i sold over 32 million units yeah big whoop uh how many units did the human race sell hmm try 7 billion units that's right [ __ ] you nintendo hey y'all scott here whoa are you sick sick or just sick the [ __ ] eminem's car racing wasn't good don't look at the birds they're just a distraction chibi robo ziplash mario tennis ultra smash and catching a small fry and we play fishing are the biggest fews nintendo's ever given me but scott you may squeal you can play the hopping game again while it is true i can also get leprosy so really anything's possible hey y'all scott here and welcome to the geary's the annual yearly year of the year awards that awards the finest in years this past year had so many gaming accomplishments like i almost beat kirby star elizabeth of course you get the sight awards like best art direction best playstation 4 game most likely to get shot in an amish village but went to the doctor and they said wow you look sick you should go see a doctor play itu that was pointless and the winner for year of the year 2018 is 2018. what the [ __ ] y'all scott here yes what oh before every therapy session i made predictions i nailed that one oh hey oh scott here now this is therapy hey y'all scott here i'm an idiot turn bass battles in too much text i'd rather be out not having sex hey everybody it's todd howard i'm an arsonist oh hi you caught me in a goose this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this is furnished somebody shut them up with some duct tape my cigarettes are done old family recipe you son of a [ __ ] i love the economy i love the economy [Applause] i've had enough of this sharks are just sexy fish at the end of the day i have no idea what any of these words mean three random encounters can kiss my ass we're now putting the reason in presentation all right oh my god you got a white guy pheasant quail duck turkey and grouse grouse hey is this the place not now i think i have something to say here yeah i do too that's it i was dating his toothpaste these days just how it is damn it illegal if anybody sees these birds in the neighborhood run whoever bought shovelware should disappear this isn't america this is ohio hey y'all scott i felt like spaceships hello my name is god is this a revolt dude yeah i'll go with fling smash this time oh oh that's where my wallpaper came from i left this game on for nine days and the image only partially burned into the screen i [ __ ] hate myself it is laundry season oh boy i hope it's a snake would it be a pumpkin without a background check think for example mighty number nine no no no no if you ever see nintendo employees stand like this [ __ ] run oh boy food and place i don't want to wait to be disappointed this isn't a pregnancy sick children will cease to exist i already played chicken shoot you wouldn't know it because i'm not dead damn it i thought we got you an animal yeah i was wondering why i didn't shove this up your ass why didn't you tell me about pencils this is great oh you single my girlfriend drove you here [Music] oh [ __ ] there's gonna be girls in this game directly in front of you you will see a failure okay i did clean my pencils out with this no pre-ordering watch dogs why [Music] happy thanksgiving can i add you on linkedin i swear to god if i can crossbreed my knees i was talking to someone and they [ __ ] catfished me i'm glad i got owning a pumpkin out of the way because it'll bump my credit score up what is this it's a gourd [ __ ] i hate the [ __ ] wii what's in the crockpot cereal hear that i'm a penis it's time to upgrade no no it's freaking mario kart again my girlfriend is a mermaid you didn't know hey y'all scott here what are we sending today i am pretty hungry lost stalin [ __ ] hated rpgs but love donkey kong country tropical freeze the last part i was with was the neighbor audrey's i think i'm finally ready to present myself in front of the pumpkin demographic damn it what is this coordinates for a bomb what are you a doorway pirate no i'm dex i thought he was depressed we gotta reel this one in like a fish this is mario party i thought it was a bear oh don't worry this one's my primary wii u and these are my wii u's in case i get lasagna on this one one of the best compliments somebody could give you is damn your me is pretty hot well i did go to best buy and they did have some of the new xboxes left over and the names of these are getting so bad i swear they need the last one this scott the lack of rpgs you play is horrifying and i've seen bees we made games [Applause] and yeah oh yeah yeah okay news and forecasts are no more no wonder nothing's happened the past few years representing yourself in court always works out like and and even you know what i love about video games connecting a controller parental control airplane mode screen burning reduction auto sleep and that's it you can organize them grab them by the head mutilate or just kill them i found dig dug hopefully there's nobody living inside this thing oh man i need more space there you've got dragon ball yugioh naruto one piece bakuganda blob 2. have you seen something that looks like this if you found that that's me caring about the nintendo 64. please dispose of it immediately i know i'm putting these up and i just like the attention and a problem that gets cleaned a voyager warranty new attitude new enemies it was a yearbook contender i'll give them that [Applause] [Music] what we might be here for a while what [Applause] i don't know where i am but i have the sudden urge to not have sex it's a brand new console want to play a game no take it cheers we just can't do it one two cd three education's a scam after the french revolution in most history textbooks it just says but what would scott think the tokyo school life was pretty interesting i got to join up with dan to save australia and earth from the ultimate evil there were eight worlds 17 brawlers to choose from over 35 bakugan i might have played the wrong game they're basically the same thing yeah like uncle and daughter those are my two biggest fears it was ruthless he tried to shoot me and i'm allergic to bullets nintendo i would scream if they ever decided to publish a game called little mermaid 2 pinball fencing she gets incredibly close to me that really freaked me out on my first playthrough but by my fourth i was okay with it have you seen professional pac-man players no they live in the vatican family photo oh god that's embarrassing that's better my skin cannot get enough of battery corrosion okay so this is what it looks like when i don't get new shoes and the universe collapses on itself damn it dr jarrow's name is copyrighted run hell scott here this is it they're going to reveal really bad game i can't wait to see it maybe it'll be good but first they have to show up the game technical difficulties please wait and then after that they're going to reveal the game there is a fire backstage please exit immediately i really hope that's a working title go who am i okay i beat tokyo school life pretty good visual novel pretty bad bakugan game what city pass is best known for entertainment south carolina besides hollywood city south america hey uh here's that game you wanted back i lost the case um i i left the manual in reno um i wanted to give you that back uh i want to give you back what's right for yours so when am i looking after your daughter yeah that's right god you know there's this neat thing that happens whenever i talk about game compilations my house catches on fire hey y'all scott here i hate walls why do i live here nintendo what is wrong with you i still believe sonic spinball was a lucid dream i had once and nothing more and it gets harder and harder to believe that what the [ __ ] is that this is [ __ ] incredible i can't wait to pop open sonic mania plus y'all scout here what'll it be this is a bar which one's a remix which one's remasters which ones re-releases which ones are going to fall don't look at me i always base my decisions off of what crest does this is going in the pile this is the best mobile rpg of the year son of a [ __ ] if they replace the word good with the word chippy robo ziplash i have no problem with it you'd be okay with replacing a word just like that oh i would and that's saying something this is the kind of title that's so vague it can work across every single living product guest will be gex words mean a lot to me words have been in my family for generations but hey don't take my word for it dear god don't it's probably wrong ziplash pissed me off and makes me want dots i'm a word buff go ahead name a word any word what love that one measles are sounding pretty good right now world war ii [ __ ] that it's all about the classics no context if i saw this for the first time oh yeah that's baby vegeta son of a [ __ ] welcome to a safety hazard i like talking harshly about mario kart 7 being somewhat critical of mario kart 7 negatively speaking about mario kart 7 hiking [ __ ] despising mario kart 7. what the [ __ ] am i doing what the hell is this it's the anti-ganks no it's just a sewer monster comprised entirely of copies of zip flash i'm going with the anti-decks apparently i have to live with them i hate when that happens it's gex night and now we're on phone version because here it is here's gex we're going to play gex oh i love gex you know what i like about x consistency inconsistency is a fun quirk of x yeah yeah that lizard is so stupid i got rape shadow legs and tinder mixed up again they both have letters in their names i have to start cutting content [Music] this game blows this game blows this game blows this game blows this game blows uh this game blows oh oh my god it's worse than i thought games yeah you know me i'm a sucker for existence me too that's why i love gex coins are back [ __ ] [Music] you knew that was gonna end up happening anyways can you put the game in for me no that goes against my family's tradition they never ask me to pop in chibi-robo ziplash and i will always never do that to honor them i like candles sue me i should stop ending sentences with that i have as much confidence in this as i have facial hair you have facial hair i know that silhouette anywhere i can't believe they added grover cleveland can you always get this off of me now that me and my family did all the time no not the discard that was the one thing i thought they couldn't ruin and they did nintendo you're just like you're bad friends amiibo festival i don't care you know what the problem with chibi-robo is there's lack of empathy no over-qualification barely tax evasion that's me oh hi scott is your mom you're adopted that's understandable i appreciate your transparency oh and chibi rubble ziplash exists no oh there are my jeans nope it's the fact chibi robo isn't a 2d platformer that's my parents problem with me too such a classic gex move makes you think it's not gex and it comes out and says i'm a better tennis game it's right gex is a terrible tennis game wait no no that's impossible you don't mean no no no no no no no we played gexx at one time that was amiibo festival well then that was ultra smash but that was a car wash we went through together here's a realistic looking bag of funyuns i've been staring at this all day i still don't get it oh is it gex night i love dex night didn't you get my message about your uncle dying he died for the third time it's the dex anyone up for around gex god lines from this day forward i will only believe rumors and if those rumors ever become facts [ __ ] them you're not pregnant how did you know oh i just kind of get this stuff they call me the human pregnancy test in high school anime i couldn't even finish that word it's amazing to me that the nintendo switch is already three years old and they still haven't fixed the console's biggest issue the t is backwards picked out five anime games they really spoke to me i mean download arcade archives frogger and we'll make it six remember march 2019 the month yoshi's crafted world came out oh there's a reason that signs on my bedroom door mario tennis ultra smash did i snap her neck it was just tennis yeah it's a tennis game what were you expecting you don't understand it was just tennis oh my god press any button to continue okay oh no no i'm not playing it no no it looks fine japan is one of the most amazing countries out there they made wario i am forwarding this message to everybody in my contacts list if you stop by tonight we can play gekks just because sega made one oopsy doesn't mean they'll make another one any time soon this pesky little thing won't come off [Music] oh [ __ ] remember strategy guides you can still find positives in hell you don't understand i have to play most luigi-based products you see i get this such an amiibo chibi rompo ziplin game tv robo ziplash is a stupid [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] definitely need more frog based animes today i bought new clothes that's why they always call me new clothes scott sony kind of tattoo one plaid we're turning this dex knight into a gex year what the [ __ ] is this buy more useless trash if i run out of money i'll just sell another kidney i don't care look i bought another rice cooker for the collection he said words pick mo's without you i wouldn't be an alcoholic it's wrecks not even past the menu i hate rumors ever since the dawn of time they've been used to spoil major reveals lifting isn't spanking i don't trust any logo that doesn't use impact font dragon ball z budokai 10k2 oh thank god what the [ __ ] was that hey y'all scott here and i'm on a quest mushroom gorge the title of my bedroom fake 3d makes the perspective difficult to judge at times and [ __ ] tales so this one game that i'm working on right now i always believe that having a protein filled healthy dose of madden 07 for the wii really starts your day off right oh i mean i don't need waluigi he's not shelter bad no five peta approved even you can come up with positives for satan we know what girls want air ever wanted to drive as a caterpillar don't lie he did bleed all over me where the [ __ ] are the guys i have hobbies i'm only human what are you talking about we made a new character woohoo island you try to tell them how badly you want to [ __ ] them nintendo found me lurking in the bathroom hey what's up losers your weeaboos like soccer he did the unthinkable wario unlockable worth fifty dollars though and spend the last two hours of the day looking in the mirror asking yourself where it all went wrong [Music] you get the right to shy guy tinder does have a pay to win option though this is beautiful i think through the grand prix is like playing with a paddle ball backwards proof that god doesn't exist 2011 here we have sex wall warren harding my favorite 29th president of the united states the pedal mario you know metal mario metal mario van gogh's got to be rolling in his grave right now i bought nba live 04 because of the mario kart bonus disc the back is a soap dish mario kart and the number seven walk into a bar what did you think would happen pizza hut you know pizza hut eat fresh the rapture let's head up and find out oh my god we might as well take a good pre-swig before everything goes downhill pikachu has nipples yeah this is all starting to make sense oh yeah it's june i am a climax buff hey guys my crotch is huge i swear blue 42 hike hike barack obama is a part of the kirby canon well don't mind if i do look at all the ping-pong balls this is what a bc is driving my net worth your car grows a tail finally who needs vision anyways well heat stroke struck nice there's gonna be [ __ ] stages yeah i failed anatomy at least that's what this napkin i found at arby's tells me october is prime piss yourself season jesus christ that's tart where did you guys leave the cream and sugar i hate things and that includes clutter clutter scares the piss out of me hi my name is scott and i'm not an alcoholic my name isn't scott and this isn't an aaa meeting i already told you this is a no coughing dance i just couldn't believe my uncle died again he's gone [ __ ] mad i know a guy with a nasty shirt okay i earned this job this is my pick you're a therapist where do you go to therapy mario kart wii is the best mario kart for the week but at that point it's also the worst and i contracted super circuits more people have mario kart weave than scurvy i'm paying you with a coupon you know what it's like to go to therapy you guys know the we right everybody has one and if you don't think you do check your couch cushions one probably slipped in there holding a gumball it's wednesday all right step three wheel well what if you could do the same for traffic violations can you do this the easy way or the hard way did you see the wheel that's why i chipped my games now i was so happy and pissed oh damn it yeah this was my hell nintendo went through way too many prototypes for a wheel a wheel why did you do that so then people are too distracted by the punch stand and realize it looks like i pissed myself here bam it's a wheel it's plastic you're stalling i'm sitting look at funky kong his elbows could open cans ocean controls are [ __ ] right i bought a second we wheel for friends i could have bought food this is like trying to tie your shoes while driving this title is a [ __ ] lie you hear that it's anarchy i play mario party mini games sexier than this three two one it's annoying i had to think about this one a lot regretted to what i think a hormone looks like and his name is sebastian toot baby peach and baby daisy are here say it with me thanks [ __ ] god hey gang king hand job here just showing how much experience i have i need to stop stunning people who cover wars currently in the process of converting all my movies music photos clothes water trees and documents to a hard drive me what do you like about mario kart wii luigi circuit yeah is this uh stale pretzels i'd like to place an order yeah those stale pretzels nothing screams dk something like a giant statue of mario really think for a few hours there oh my god yeah rainbow road gives me an aneurysm i'm free i'm free yep they're onto us i contracted something depression so i was thinking you could tackle ultra smash snacks why are you here do i get up and contribute to society or do i talk about the game boy color replace the word night with eternity and family with the devil and you have a confusing sentence that can only mean one thing you're playing with music i acted a little prematurely oh god this is inside me where's the spanking game that was twenty percent of why i bought it now i'll gladly tell you about mario and why are you on the super famicom i don't care and my collection wouldn't be complete without personal trainer walking wanna know how much i paid for it you know it's rude to ask people what their salary is just consider myself a big fetus with hair there's a virgin tax i should probably unplug one of these yeah i own brutal pulse of fury i'm not the man i want to be no oh get some ribs no it's stale pretzels all they have are stale pretzels this is how you get on a list you have to sit and think sometimes like hmm how do i want this man to gut me sex or slight embarrassment at this point i'll take anything just like life get to the end you guys needed proof i was good at sonic heroes here max rings and points one second into playing what's the goal here i can do anything now i can stomach playing final fantasy i have always wanted to feel like a walmart look at these players online these are my type of people we all know how to use menus you can catch me every week commissioning the fire department to put out the fires i start and there's nothing wrong with that some of my best friends are a fantasy hey y'all scott here i just killed snails for 20 minutes i'm ready to take on satan jesus humanity oh my god i meet jesus in a target employee in the same week one day you're hanging out with brink seven years later what happened to me homicide my foot's turning purple over nike socks and use axe body spray damn it i'm cool i swear hook a frog gladly but i mean gay conversion therapy here we go super mario sunshine with cheats medical bills please i've had this dark spot on my thigh for the past six years and nothing's happened i don't need a doctor fun fact this game is bad mr scoliosis dictionary in turn to the page with the definition for micro console fire man i looked at my copy of forza 3 and said i'm keeping this it was a big moment i haven't played it since i was also diagnosed with libel plastic deficiency to get a free rezapper syndrome this is amazing but hey i do have the sudden urge to buy car insurance donald's treacherland adventures ghostbusters castlevania bloodlines get out of my life comic zone oh please god help i don't want to look like a jackass playing wii music today we're going to be preparing a meal consisting of food so get those digestive systems ready because they're gonna have to work overtime as we're preparing a banquet meal today we're falling for the chicken tenders ploy too bad but i guess it could have been worse yeah if i die i wanted a hug i can play sonic it's midnight regrettably no i wish today we're making food hey i don't even like pokemon there's beef doing not bad hey y'all scott here where the [ __ ] is gobble ever since i was a little kid i wanted to waste money great i love red dead 2 merchandise but i just refused to own the game you ever just play soccer game and you're like there's just not enough screens hey y'all scott here and do i ever have a beef with the national calendar society months are opinions not statements all by [ __ ] anything have you ever realized there's a reason for these things to exist that's right you haven't because there isn't any also it's been reported that if you do touch a controller like this you will most definitely contract bed bugs damn it atari said [ __ ] gave us a bun and a stick do you think this is waiting for an excruciating amount of time and possibly some of the worst conditions imaginable offer something you have no idea if it's worth it or not a pregnancy what you're hopefully looking at right now is one of my favorite water bottle brands out there lake on the go from water productions we can put in a wheel put it in a gun put it in a kid [Applause] i'm a [ __ ] genius that gave me craps and i think i'm gonna spread it this generosity needs to go all over the island always happens to me so here we are at best buy for the launch of pokemon sword and shield where's my bug spray what the [ __ ] is this i'm gonna be saying that on my wedding night now what if you're playing xbox 360 and your hands start to bleed bam terrorism yep it's official i'm certified worthless since many high schoolers take homecoming as an excuse to get slashed with their friends before and after the dance this will be the first alcohol indoor school dance one where you don't have to worry about the chaperone knarking on your addiction listen i need a right quick way to prove to everybody that i have copies amounts of money and i hate sex a great homecoming dance doesn't require just blood sweat and tears just sweating too what's wrong with you don't you want to see teddies yeah see this box and end up getting catfished i always wondered what my neighbors meant when i heard them screaming pine time the answer was always here yep i finally bought into consumerism everybody needs a bag i'm a [ __ ] maniac just turn on my xbox to give my thumb something to do for five minutes hey y'all scott here and raise your hand if you've been waiting for the xbox one x for three hours at the wrong store console play and you'll be screaming awesome baby with a capital a that would look [ __ ] stupid sorry human women you've had a good run but this game may help me in my quest to complete my character arc i'm finally going to get elaine that was a fun thing to click buy on [ __ ] he's got an eye toy that's a big cute anybody who doubted me buying a wii u club nintendo was one of the only cults i was in that offered 3ds xl charging cradles when my parents give up on me 343 industries takes custody did you know hands can hold garbage and [ __ ] garbage why it's taking me this long to start committing witchcraft to hero2 makes a pretty mean play what is this an electric bill i don't know wait it's nirvana on a plane i don't like that one yeah for my patient that wouldn't stop talking about virginity whoever doesn't take my towel not satan that's for sure don't lie i've lied before and it's too fun would locate all stores with free food samples and feed off of that i would hide in ikea and sleep there overnight i would ask for money with flair and for my video game entertainment i'd only buy demo discs you're a therapy machine you're gonna therapize good tonight you're gonna be the best therapist a therapist will ever ask for you're gonna do great because it's awesome baby hey look we've made it to the infamous bathroom scene now that's what i call a resume builder i got it it's a [ __ ] sponge video games are pretty cool they got polygons and they were a waste of 40. it's rude to mock things that never officially released it's like making fun of a fetus disclaimer in 29 more games i have no idea who i am that looks like the wii shop channel closed early you have to shout to make a point properly yeah [ __ ] that stung did you eat anything today tylenol i heard about this game in 2011 god that was the europorny wii games you just want to plug and play games do i have a face food shelter love air happiness none of these played mario party six so i lost interest that hey y'all scott here i won so you have a video game console right welcome to the club first person shooters exercise games dancing games platformers role playing games [ __ ] game sonic it smells like scoliosis what if you're trying to have 40 acres of sex orangutan arms and child abduction portable video games allowing you to play games in inappropriate situations they make loitering a whole lot less obvious and give you something to do with funerals thank god for their existence what would i do on the bus without them human sh no they didn't make wary land for for me to talk to people i have to play it beethoven and voila scott here i'm you 14 minutes into the future and i'm here to warn you that you think super mario kart is just okay thank you so i just played mario kart 64. now the games you see played on youtube by screaming people with dyed hair and videos with all caps titles i don't find slender man in general scary i can be scared of something without a face you can't even [ __ ] sneeze i need video game controllers i have all the controllers i need right here you guys want to see what a nintendo fan committing adultery looks like yeah look it i lived it the seventh generation of video game consoles where the xbox 360 reigns supreme if you don't count all other consoles oh wow cures before judgment came out i am not doing well it's been a week since daylight savings date worst holiday i've changed my clocks i'm still not used to it hey loot crate sent me this i love blue crate let's see what they included in the box this month oh [ __ ] bankruptcy is in the air and i took full advantage of it at the last minute the first thing you think of when you hear super bust a move wrong this got thicker lips daisy and waluigi are back give a sh cheat codes what separated the men from the scumbags they got the ds chef in on this bedtory.com one when else happened in february that year the pulp resigned good time to release rayman namco museum remix on the wii is how i realized i wasn't deaf but it may be soon as well test it out by cleaning some forks they're bonuses last time i tried to watch anime i looked up how to and they just told me to stop so i think this is the only way i can new england clam chowder okay that's kind of funny come on what the [ __ ] am i doing what are you shooting at the ducks right there just step on it just buy a pc and get into pc gaming yeah sure when i learn the error of my ways welcome to personal trainer cooking oh thank christ before i start i should probably take all my flammables off the floor the nintendo ds era when uncles were reborn well thank god we have pirates versus ninjas dodge ball instead after i get therapy for playing all three of these games i'm gonna suppress everything forget who i am and become a therapist wow it's so realistic it truly feels like i'm gutting a [ __ ] duck my five senses are a dangerous level i created a speedy [ __ ] officer i just [ __ ] my pants then and only then will i be able to play flingsmash with a clear conscience never been able to do that before guess what neighborhoods games is no thinking just guess do it no thoughts first instinct what do you think neighborhood games do it do it what is it the worst the deer drive the damn it golden eggs okay sonic spinball why and echo the dolphin no kidding oh they got goulash in this i do love mutton oh my rotisserie chicken's done i gotta feed everybody in quick this is an eminem yep in 2016 it's coming [ __ ] i have very slow ears now this is space chimps one of my lots came with an empty jar of minced garlic well let's move on from connect launch titles there are two types of wii games out there anti-nazi and pro nazi oh yeah this one had gum in it what does luigi taste like something wrong with my warioware coney there's a gun kill a frog alright it's time to shoot whatever comes up they check the bathroom they got free soap in there but you know if things are accidents do happen what the [ __ ] it broke sega [ __ ] real bad i am the lord thy god we open up with an explosion some guy comes out on stage young [ __ ] you here's wario how are we doing in there this is just a copy of premium rush kid use a joking hazard right about now stop looking my neck and a free nipple included with every purchase finally a controller that answers my lucid dreams the nunchuck finally has an ass yeah exactly what i want to receive in the mail a [ __ ] person wario [ __ ] off [ __ ] for yeah my funeral is going to be held there that watermelon contains one of the most horrific spirits ever conceived what can i say i just get demonic arcade cabinet i'm cool with lincoln could never tell life wooden teeth here's the credit card that i used uh feel free to put that in the history books if i spend my money now i'll get bullsh and dogs i think the cigarettes extra nicotine yeah hold it tobacco thanks least favorite thing about bowser hands down is his flesh you two i got a [ __ ] star you king this may be the nicotine talking but congratulations yeah you really earned this one getting that [ __ ] right i [ __ ] deserved it you you anti me no i'm a bartender i don't even know this [ __ ] ah the age-old excuse i wanted all of this tina's great she plays donkey kong barrel blast and has salmonella i feel like i've been stuck in an auto zone the past 14 years first spray painted tomato blue this could be really any mario game and that's right it was mario party 4 this whole time what us city sells the most blonde hair dye what are you too [ __ ] stupid cover it that supported an unhealthy amount of flexibility i mean just order something the moment it's announced it's one of our two rights i want to hear some useless video games are funny they take 12 years to develop and they stink i put this near here just in case things go more downhill a lot of people took this as an opportunity to draw something crotchy but i wrote my social security number either way i got a sensor imagine stepping on this model with bare feet that would sting like a [ __ ] what do you think it would feel if they didn't pick you they picked it dead you hey scott here i'm trying new things broadening my horizons i'll try cancer why not you only live once it's about [ __ ] time it's mario kart again i'm seeing a pattern with these games i will beat the wario cpu with dignity oh nintendo we'll have to navigate by the stars just like world war two we're gonna have to navigate by the stars just like devil's third what the [ __ ] luigi's mansion oh hell yes you wake up some days really happy and then you realize there's a bunch of mud in luigi's mansion and it's inching closer you learned about them when talking about sonic 2 and sex ed hell yeah sir you won't regret your choice with me planning this to be the best funeral ever [ __ ] luigi pinball there it is the definition has been blank all these years hey it should be a poverty in all games surrounding it cutting edge graphics hasbro i love plastic shells who wants to do this fine i'll go to gamestop esrb the narcs who made us play simpson's hidden rod instead of grand theft auto 3 and i'm still not allowed to read catcher in the ride i hate this [ __ ] punk for selling his game boy player for a copy of justin's three what brings you in today back at best buy with bug spray in tow and no camouflage the pop figures take up more space than the wii u section and they'll be worth it after they get their gifts i turn my car into a walking advertising for the dance well i love plastic and discs are great too so that's why cj isn't in smash brothers i'm unemployed who the hell wants to wrangle up an employee and beg them to unchain detective pikachu for you that was uncalled for this game couldn't have possibly been rated e for everyone that's [ __ ] ridiculous oh [ __ ] i don't want game informer i want the 70 cents off darkseiders too at least the gamestop cover art for mario tennis ultra smash is better than the actual game looks like we got some trade-ins coming in knock em dead disney infinity 2.0 game only mlb the show 14 and flingsmash phoenix is luigi [ __ ] dead they ask me as i'm trying to bite chicken shoot on the wii going knee deep into this cereal [ __ ] pre-orders am i right i don't cereal for a living i'm sorry man i just want chicken shoot just ring it up it's for the kids what is this place if you're in the market to play some stellar atari games what's wrong with you we're just going to keep selling naruto shirts this no i'm good your honor i'm mad i had a little help from our friend gore gal gun double piece is a game where you shoot pheromones and girls and it's ready for everyone guys society finally accepts us it was a misprint dark souls oh yeah big m rated series okay you lied in a court of law as a joke kid walks into the store by playstation network bucks goes home buys bloody mcsexy in the game and becomes genghis khan like come on i thought we got rid of that guy guys guys guys i have a feeling this was just a repackaging of some christian candy batman arkham series he forces me to play the piano whether i like it or not and well you know what they say a good meal is never done but i just love no fork spaghetti he's a contender for family fun jesus gotta get out of here this is phenomenal sick intercourse clothing and all [Music] biased summer's almost here and you know what that means [Music] hey all scott here ever since i was a kid i wanted to be a building hello oh my god he has a face so tell me where it all went wrong thanks box cutter and a banquo meal let's get to the unboxing after cutting the box open we have a tray chicken and food some cardboard with writing on the outside and negative 1.29 take the cardboard receipt and dignity and throw it in the recycling bin me personally i couldn't care less i'm gonna love this meal regardless how [ __ ] stupid it comes out it totally slid my mind the main ingredient in banquet meals was cancer context is for suckers they show company hey y'all scott here i just got bread for a dollar sheepy robot 6 is coming i'm a [ __ ] i'm not threatened by some [ __ ] goat or some white guy with glasses or james charles oh yeah i got mario kart live show us the car they didn't account for that question a new paper mario though apparently it was going back to the series rpg roots yeah and i'm not sitting with yes rygar you're not in the 30 hours plus club get the [ __ ] out of my face i just want to see more legacy nintendo content come over faster than this and for an affordable price damn it you really think after i bought a card binder for mario sports superstars amiibo cards that switch bro would be where i draw the line oh yeah i fired them downloaded show us the [ __ ] car there was this rumor going around the spanish dub of breath of the wild 2 was complete which implied the game was close to releasing yeah and i'm still not sitting yes i don't know i played clubhouse games for 30 hours whenever a game like this comes out i am happy because that means nintendo will move on to talking about other things damn it this is coming from somebody who bought mario kart live i still think clubhouse games has enough merit to warrant a purchase and if you think otherwise all you have to do is play for over 30 hours and i'll believe you i bought this you know my opinion doesn't matter yes hey y'all scott here it's been four years since i felt joy hi scott your local friendly neighborhood resident local foodie here nintendo hates mario and to a greater extent us why is the nintendo switch not exciting me anymore why is the way i am the way i am why does this have a bitter aftertaste interesting way to say it ruin my lunch i want to wear this disc as a ring i love it the nintendo switch is officially negative one year away from turning three that's for the breach after 100 hours i got bored this game this is a lovely idea that could be phenomenal but in the end it's just good well then i'm pissed oh that explains two things we're totally gonna kill like five animals biting this thing talking to somebody really liked them turned out they weren't a person they were just an affordable price devil's third your day will come and now they'll charge 60 for anything with a leg on the cover because [ __ ] it that's why at their worst devil may cry 5th anniversary collection because let's celebrate it being 30 years off from money for office the instructions i recycle them they're gone destroyed no return i despise deals somebody offered me a tv for twenty dollars i took them up to forty this is the best sex i've ever had and all i did was watch a splatoon trailer my worst [ __ ] nightmare i defend murderers all the time i love those little guys i'm a big advocate for murder persona 5 finally released on nintendo switch you can tell by the inclusion of the word strikers i guess i just have to wait out the storm with games like sportsman's pack two great games nintendo where do you get off this one i've seen rap for twenty dollars at walmart's everywhere usually next to nicaragua your friends you've got captain toad [Music] adding the title screen of fire and ice to nes online alongside the rest of the game's box arts isn't going to cut it oh god what about the other oh thank christ my money was on jeff keely and it was sephiroth from final fantasy 7 or less the same thing i've known this for a while that's why i keep nailed wood around my neck you know what they say if you can't make goulash give up it's time it finally happened hitman 3 cloud version released yes simulations crumbling use it for food i knew this sounded familiar should get more into eating food i heard people love that stuff god help us all i literally have to throw them in the air wait i mean ha ha these things they didn't buy bakugan champions of estroia though i'm sure even the developers are happy about that nobody ever used personal trainer cooking on an exam this was the last thing an intern ever saw i wouldn't take a sh for anything less than tetris worlds what's that nature what century is this we can't have everything but we can't have pikmin 3 deluxe for 60 dollars well i have a sudden urge to make a deviantart account who's buying these say it say it say it say it say it say nintendo what is your problem the ps1 and the ps1 oh look nintendo reduced the price of a dodo bird but i want a deal and more space for my feet that super mario brothers is selling so damn well of course we can't make a second or third or world definitely at the top of everybody's top 10 alcoholic video game squirrels list you connect it to your switch and now your living room is a mario kart track but when will it learn to love what's the worst that can happen i thought evolution was a myth turned into my religion's stomach and opinion i can't eat food so it's good i can exclude certain recipes i'll say it's better than mario 3d all-stars because it doesn't force you to use the touchscreen in galaxy yeah you see this is what us kitchen owners refer to as kitchen this just screams easter to me oh joy i almost got murdered finally i'm a victim now wait right here as i research the history of wii u rumors and leaks hi my name is 11 year old scott wozniak fishing or hunting i i don't care just give me a [ __ ] gun jesus christ let me ask you this how the hell did we learn about geistds nintendo wanted to go wild with the 35th anniversary of something like e3 but you know athletes but okay i want to [ __ ] a font who doesn't this is what elected officials feel like i wish there was a game that spoke to the country boy inside me a bit more it's the morning of august 5th 2020 you wake up with the faint feeling that something is wrong picking up your phone you see the announcement of pikmin 3 deluxe pro class track meet use the power pad all great world powers do what the [ __ ] is their problem [Music] god damn it just 12 more years until atlas puts a persona game on this thing [ __ ] you like chess yeah and i hate pointing so for every shantae or ducktales remastered or concha 4 they do there's a smurf stew right around the corner oh i love plastic and discs are great too and i feel so special it was one of the few weight milling to buy this game so yeah watch me cool party trick i can play track meet after duck hunt in record time future generations will never understand what we went through wow two and one just wait until senate passes the bill now you have to play the role of a level so i decided to upload a video me eating cereal to a pornographic website is it hell to be three-dimensional is real mario depressed look what we can do we can put resident evil 4 on your phone we're [ __ ] crazy and then the boss fights they're against office supplies and paper mario is so much better now because of it does anyone have a power pad in their trunk i'll be right back this was supposed to be my saving grace that's right i'm gonna successfully get laid with a wii game i don't think nintendo really wanted to do that and would rather push a franchise that doesn't have a dead console's name in its title they would rather not do that doesn't mean they won't there is a lot to unpack here holy [ __ ] three in one super mario brothers slash tetris nintendo world cup there were three horsemen of the apocalypse i need a cigarette if they convict you i'll just start yelling they can't convict you if you can't here that's why the death don't go to jail this one is developed by ndq the developers of modern mario parties yep that's vomit give me one good reason why the game boy color version of grand theft auto 2 hasn't been re-released i am as a table user to you maybe because it doesn't have mean bean machine i'm so annoyed i can't be confused on the go of course talking about eczema tried it again i wasn't into it anyways i'm gonna replay mario 3d land what the hell is this i live in fear now oh yes please i'll take one sweeping and four my parents met over that one well i'm [ __ ] disgusted how can anybody say nintendo's release schedule was light this year they released 51 games on one day hello this is scott wozniak owner of such cameras as this one user of such showers as one five minutes ago however of new microphones he's still working the kinks out of oh lower sales have you ever noticed ever since this release life has been sh let's revolt when twice as many people are willing to spend 60 on pneumonia there's something wrong here yeah nintendo switch pro has been a pretty consistent topic almost as consistent as topics itself thick i may not always be up for a game of luigi's mansion three but i'll never get tired of hearing hounds where's the sequel all right poindexter what am i thinking right now damn it honey please doing one super mario brothers dot com you know much like opium you couldn't buy this at the store no the playstation 5 is coming out we aren't going to get such a nintendo switch game says doom 64. i'm a simple man if i see a pokemon i'm going to squint do i look french no [ __ ] you i'm polish [ __ ] me you need rights i don't need to tell you that you're probably already sitting on five of them can't forget about the luigi's mansion three dlc because the census sure did i have never found a mate that can do this that's right i'm brave enough to stick up for cooking mama cook star they should draft me first up is jaundice name four people who cared the sooner i realized that the smaller my family tree got i can't look at a game called snipperclips the same ever again and when i say everything i don't mean it see i keep it right over there come on nintendo just do what the 23 year old white boy said what's better than one game you got me there holy [ __ ] that's a steal all by nine copies for an affordable price and you never know it may just appeal to a brand new audience plus i think animal crossing fans all hate animal crossing to some extent i could get toilet paper by itself or i could save a trip and buy it with ranch special edition animal crossing nintendo switch released thank god it didn't come with the game that would be a deal here's my glover room what the [ __ ] overall on my patented super mario ward grading skill i give super mario war a super mario war out of super mario war it truly is the true super mario war experience what are you all rpg's too and the winner is scott what the [ __ ] oh my god look at this this is great hey y'all scott here oh god i sound like that this is bad real bad hey all scott here hey scott here and i'd love to put around and talk some yoshi touch and go but i have places to do and things to be hey all scott here and consider yourself not scott hey y'all scott here and you know what i could go for right now a working kidney i have three days to live [Music] all here hey skye hey y'all scott here i've always wanted to be a remake hey y'all scott here i'm leaving the door open now hey all scott here i want to try a new thing every day so today i'm going to be self-conscious hey all scott here and uh well bing bing hey all scott here i gotta say i have no idea how you and your pesky souls in that third dimensional body of yours made it here ready for 15 minutes of this now if you excuse me i'm going to follow my dreams and begin my musical career exclusively through wii music [ __ ] can't fit the controller in my mouth well now they gotta re-release pikmin and the winner is what the [ __ ] oh there was a smudge it was joe biden [Music] he just learned an easy way to get stuff on the cheap steal it nintendo loves re-releases they would release jesus christ if they could so get your face ready it's because i'm not good enough vice versa holy [ __ ] i thought i was playing mario i'm so excited to be anything but happy i can finally tell you why you're so messed up in the head after playing a game as good as chippy robo ziplash it will definitely make you feel inadequate sure i don't know who donkey kong is but he's pissed i for one am [ __ ] pissed guess who's pissed oh don't buy the virtual boy you'll [ __ ] hate it seriously don't buy it it'll kill you for the love of god don't buy it what does it look like again uh hard to describe shapes four sides colors does it have chippy robo ziplash on it yes your honor can i win now okay turns out it's possible to get free money from corporations all you have to do is say what they want you to say [Music] ventriloquism it's [ __ ] ventriloquism so we are at best buy for the launch of pokemon sword oh come on i think ziplash is a great name if they replace the word chip nintendo i would play mario on an enema for you there they are i just thought that's what water looked like now wendy's employee where are you employed exactly why wendy's of course let's rank our cousins i've been learning all kinds of new things uh for example the letter v i can't live with myself knowing i can live with myself is it dex night i've been waiting for this for years weird name for dex what is this gex dear scott how do i ensure my party won't get stopped by the cops invite them dear scott my favorite grocery store has been shut down where should i get my food now definitely not big lots but hey if you want me to never turn my back on you then go for it i can see the headlines now murder victims innocent you don't name jaundice if only three people get it hurry and party is infamous for what it does to people like malaria if if you can't sue a person why talk to him what the [ __ ] was that no i don't need play classic gamecube games with enhanced sweet controls on my cover shocking i know yes i do need this blurb dear scott what should my senior prank be this year 40 turtles viagra freshman hallway oh yeah baby whoa whoa [Laughter] you're scott my cat's not doing too well what should i do then dude cats are like furry cockroaches they can literally survive anything like i could probably eat a cat and it would probably survive know what it looks like i wasn't looking for a pumpkin i was looking for grass oh wow even though i'm of age i still lie about my age on adult websites i know sex with me has definitely decreased in value after that little tidbit i keep all my spices here here dear scott i really like this girl but don't know how to tell her what should i say here we have my three patented guaranteed success rate non-stick pickup lines favorite barnyard animal i'll have sex with you if you have sex with me [ __ ] mommy oh yeah oh baby girls baby oh yeah dear scott can we hang out sure i have unlimited time for the next 45 minutes that's right i'm moving up the totem pole they have a whole league for that now nintendo just admit you were scared to give ohioans pikmin 2. holy [ __ ] you can pop pie you can't fake chicken in that dear scott i really want to get into more politics where do i start the only thing i know about politics is the president of russia's name is vlad the impaler [Laughter] dear scott my favorite restaurant is waffle house what's wrong with me not much the only problem with that place is i know a fair amount of people that told me they've been murdered there so watch your back what the hell am i looking at nintendo solution the new play control line nintendo that's your solution to everything can you walk into texas roadhouse oh yeah been a big fan cool so you know what this place is this is the bathroom dad you won't believe it yeah yeah [ __ ] headshot so what if somebody likes a game i dislike it doesn't matter they're wrong anyways my two favorite hearing organs ears oh i am so [ __ ] ready nah good on you i love seeing therapists start their own business all of life's problems are solved when a character is playable in mario 64 ds only recently i learned that toll booths exist so what does that make me an abuser we're swimming with rats now i'm living off of unemployment checks in fear i'm going down a bad path lately how lately about the past 23 years give or take i've finally mastered the art of beating video games all thanks to cheating just as many mysteries as it has somebody [ __ ] died leave it to nestor to give bowling the funk can't swim love rats i'm in more of a lizard guy i'm deathly afraid of circles all right scott seal wolf rex you're dead why didn't everything have that label so it's just a 2d game about a robot a bad 2d game about a robot those exists not until 2015 they didn't huh you know i've always wondered what trauma felt like you went to sonic not just that i ate there shoulda came sooner people just didn't get it like stimulus checks nice place this your couch yeah duke nukem is one of the biggest and most iconic names in all the kings i [ __ ] hate circles really think i'd play water world and say no to space squash all right rex oh hey check this out it's my first fan art of madden lucky shot honestly i was expecting a 2d shooter but what i got was connect adventures i think i put this with all the other letters i don't want to deal with all right you know what that's the last [ __ ] straw all right i don't i need this all right oh i would and that's saying something words mean a lot to me i'm a huge word buff go ahead name any word wait wait wait gexx's online wasn't this bad what the [ __ ] is this game i [ __ ] had it [ __ ] you this [ __ ] tennis i should talk about the asphalt i drove on to buy these games i knew living would get me somewhere someday hey i heard you did own dex from myself yeah word gets around it's not tennis i miss the lack of trauma yeah and as a therapist therapy generally moves the quickest when i agree with everything the patient has to say pikmin resurrected or something poverty wins again you know what they say wwgd what would gex do the g stays for jesus this game cost me 500 i hate change i've had the same feat for years thank you i'm in my living room now buy shirts go to hell will i plan on it so this is the timeline where virginity won i [ __ ] love drowning pikmin c764 i got in trouble with my parents for one reason or another because i don't know i come into larceny or something silly me almost had an opinion there i will i didn't know you have abortions and believe in thrasher magazine or scat that's me shapes [ __ ] them it's kind of hard to keep your hand perfectly still while having an aneurysm alrighty there's somebody smoking gasoline cigarettes or people are retaliating you're a big fan of numbers man you're really into seven what's up guys it's me game fan mike here and today i'm going to show you how to get through the entirety of the first level in super mario brothers it's really easy it's really simple and i'm going to show you real quick this is a classic game one of my all-time favorites and i'm going to show you how to get from point a to point b before we get started i'd really appreciate it if you give me a like a thumbs up and not really any form of respect you can give i'll take it you are what's helping me grow and make helping you all out with games my full-blown career all right ran out of time there we'll start over on the next life just a reminder guys before we get to the meat of this if you haven't yet please follow me on twitter i'll just look up how to waste money or redirected me to lootcrate.com you know what else use the dk bongos probably not geist this is an empanada blue grade sponsorships have probably funded oklahoma's government go [ __ ] yourself i'm an expert on watching the opening to battle for bikini bottom if you were going to re-release a game you had to re-release it for a good reason and out of lust doesn't count what the hell i got no coins makes you feel any better my doctor told me i have nine days to live my dad works for nintendo i'm running for senator who wants to live in the real world when you can escape from reality in the mario's tennis realm according to the irs it is a business your son only sells 21 million units that's embarrassing all of a sudden evolution was like [ __ ] you here's ogre battle 64 person of lordly caliber the famous game that everybody loves and ever since we've had a bunch of mutants walking around playing rpgs well i don't know about you but i feel an existential crisis coming on [Music] do you do when you're playing a video game but you have to get up and exist why would you do this to us are you gonna do with an n64 take it for a walk you want to be caught dead [ __ ] a gamecube oh my god this one's real i have a neck you don't see me bragging gotcha [Applause] happy halloween finally a game with a fetus opener hey everybody it's europa todd howard maker of such games as terminator future shock for dos i'm so happy to be here representing the 76th entry in the fallout series everybody is trying to be a superstar who better to mediate this debate than a tumor i want to take a moment to thank everybody who asks me what a woz is uh why i have a blue border on my screen at all times and how i should upload twice a week you guys are the best well i love plastic and discs are great too i haven't played mario kart before was that like a bear i thought this game was a bear well i can't wait to use swear words at e3 2019 every time a pumpkin claims to save geistana it's always a scam well betty stinks it's not good but it's better than my cousin betty fortnite battle royale kirby battle right playstation all-stars battle royale what do you do when your next child is taking longer than expected to conceive have one in the meantime oh what the hell i give you a pumpkin for well under a year and you turn it into memory cards i'm just here to drink that's great that man was born to be a cousin my copy of call of duty black ops on weed no my copy of call of duty black ops on wii oh oh not my leg day legs i need them for leg days his hand is bleeding his eyes aren't blinking his lips are smiling his dead is showing got the walls with the tiny little schnoz it's not that small isn't it gary not worth the height great no i'm never gonna be the first of five to die i eat virginity for breakfast i study virgin law and i'm more prepared than you and i think jeremiah the definitive cousin experience i have had one [ __ ] of a day who the [ __ ] is this guy let's get out of here wii u outsold sweden sonic the hedgehog 2 is my favorite sequel to sonic the hedgehog and then it happened the gout no virginity it couldn't even outsell maine i have it all now scoliosis mitosis bed bugs bed baths and why won't this come off let's head back to a simpler time before my conception i telling the irs i was four people would help but no i need bodies i stole my game boy for snack money oh my god he took me from my apartment just to drive me back to my apartment thank god i finally have an outlet to just effing gush about that whole facial hair down the belly button phase i'm going through right now stinky stinky mr [ __ ] this is a room yeah you can't have a party without powdered sugar in a ziploc like ants oh you don't even know what it is i always play with butter in my hands yeah i can't wait to get blackout cancer oh it's a piece of [ __ ] does it take to be this skin for one yeah that'll do this has chicken legs well this guy has more eyelashes so we'll give him the eyelash award for second place you get the grand prize video game users are disgusting we have sticky chairs and e without socks on i don't know chopsticks i mean the guy may have licked it beforehand but the bread's still good i knew i wanted a wii u because it was better than wanting meth boy used clothes i didn't know that was possible oh my god there was a 3do give you something to do in the car and then there was the wii u also known as what right after they made the english language they went oh man they're gonna make metroid aren't they the future is here [ __ ] big dude that is the best thing a therapist could say to me man i wish each p had a sock little mermaid two pinball frenzy why they settled on virtual boy wario land i don't know but it inspired the name little big planet ps vita turns out serving jury duty on our trial you're the victim an unbiased victim i smell pointless hey will what's your favorite plague super mario brothers nah x-axis antics you're really [ __ ] blocking me here dragon ball z budokai tenkaichi iii so what are we suing him for defamation good your social status does really plummet after being murdered i'm no see i want a realistic baseball game for my one video game console the virtual boy so mr wozniak that's me to you this is tetris but with an extra letter i got the cashier to think they were ringing up apples when they were really bringing up bananas with the help of my pen to 12 point skill and liquor oh man i love volleyball i want to take it too personally it probably has nothing to do with your looks he probably just [ __ ] hates you nothing personal this is warranted putting this game on my shelf may make me feel like i have to clean all games surrounding it my head's in a [ __ ] tub they got dilbert in this thing it's like my eyes are being waterboarded he dresses like it's 2005. like come on we're in the 21st century dress like you i'm pretty sure i'm infertile now then it happened nothing that's it i have to go to the bathroom they're gonna break my legs you believe i have a room for a game i never played what do you mean yes [Music] go away i hate shakes oh sweet printer ink [Music] look at this one eh hitler hey y'all scott here are you about three large footsteps away from the grave you could always use a volunteer vegan on the weekends oh boy now people know what i'm not i suggest learning to talk about video games what else would i do at my funeral i don't think i could be a vegan anymore i like gex if it wasn't for talking about video games i'd be happy i heard jesus hates hand jobs are you gonna learn how to talk about video games are you gonna have integrity at least i can go back to having no means of crotch access you're the only patient of mine that has saved the world from shapes look at this this is your life now no i'm being a video game player when you can make silly comments about them it's the same sentiment i have towards the working class i hate when this happens this game is [ __ ] the episode of eternal life [Music] some people call this a waste of time i call it a filibuster i don't know wait an espanol for playstation 2 and xbox 360. people won't take you seriously if you aren't screaming what makes the soap moist name something kids use tonsils name something parents say from a first baby to use for a second name something that's often located in the basement of the house the basement name something people start but never finish me war books of faith name one of baseball's great all-time sluggers only baseball team i know harlem globetrotters famous song made famous by elvis presley eek it's elvis name a game that all the kids in the neighborhood can play together polyamory i call this the thanksgiving dinner approach running bones to ever can tell me what this is geometry now it's really important you wasted all your time talking about stupid nintendo games i risked a lot doing that ever heard of spontaneous combustion who made this what is this game so that's what blue is the color the one to the next one which is the one after the best one the next one is the stuff it hey here's a nail swearing is a genetic staple of the video game player is that a gun no it's gex you truly play video games if you can say [ __ ] about them i've always been a vegan if you aren't willing to say [ __ ] uncensored get the [ __ ] out of here duly noted all right guys we're going to space remember your coats i'll just pick one up on the way there funny moment you gotta be funny especially if you're not funny [Music] oh this atmosphere you tell the controller's not even plugged in god that's a lot of [ __ ] space are you better than the person listening no but you have more wii u games than them so always remind them of that yeah space is a lot bigger up close [Music] oh hi i didn't see you there it looks like we have to take a left about half a mile now i forgot to carry the three don't worry i recognize this area just keep going straight oh you look like an idiot what would a wendy's employee make food all right back to the drawing board someone pays you to talk about a video game don't act like you already had integrity what what was that something hey watch yourself or i'll start a podcast i create two if i were talking about mario party i'm your moral support rep so this means a lot coming from me we're never going out plagiarism please tell me was it pay y'all or hey all the alphabet's not copyrighted go i mean it's baconators that's a [ __ ] whopper if someone disagrees with you you can always call them a [ __ ] over email please [ __ ] up more you truly have what it takes to waste your time who shot us my money's on the working class i own more wii u games than you i shouldn't have tipped over that you can't kill us it's illegal hey anything's fair game in space this round was planning to jaywalk morning correct honestly deep down i've always felt like i've been a wendy's employee i call it my wild side doctors call it a tumor holy sh it's the green bay packers organized alphabetically there's one thing i hate more than the green bay packers it's sex this is my thing thank you it used to be abstinence but this works more no everything except for gex because anything but gets his gax that includes shallots i didn't consider this a waste of time so that i was saying i'm always living oh i left my passport at home how we need two maybe three cars to hold us all i get space sick i just don't wanna do it stupid nintendo games may be my only true hobby but at least i'm not politically aware not michigan i did the math and there are a lot of stupid nintendo games other states would contact ohio to help but it seems that they would have to be convinced that ohio is real first everybody should have no life i'm in a field see that's why i don't trust the news anymore that's a yard i'm on a quest to address all the requests step two give up might i suggest not bad get the [ __ ] away from me shapes i don't trust them who wants to compare pens oh my god my aunt just died on my birthday any publicity is good publicity you got that right there's a big blue border that's going to eat you this is my one true love never finding a mate i may not have my throat documents on hand would you settle for dental take it listen hector heck may i call you hell may i call you i mean it's just like grand theft auto the characters have skin damn man stop using your throat i like this game because it taught me proper money management and we all know that's stuck i mean any official throat user's been notarized let me spend 200 in peace so you have a throat does he ever i won best threat at the state fair i won biggest ever since i was 18 i was told my throat was my best feature all the donkey kong jr fans are off the street now hey hector it's great to be on this show with the throat ever since i've gotten one this has been a short-term goal of mine why do coke when you can do math maybe we get our attention some other way like with sex appeal but we're already [ __ ] and [ __ ] this game oh damn it pinball is a [ __ ] lie and i'm tired of acting like it isn't when in doubt vomit no just lie and say it's your birthday that'll give us a sympathy vote it is my birthday this isn't pinball but when you actually play the game this is pinball you snakes okay i just got to see some assists from the other nine groups handing out papers with this exact slogan it is a popular time of year to get how do i tell them i quit metroid prime federation force mario party the top 100 drive force heroes mario sports superstar pokemon rumble blast yoshi's new island more your sticker star hey pikmin what the [ __ ] is this who asked for this why do i have to look between the tv and gamepad to change system settings nintendo tv now why not publish devil's third nintendo wii u microphone exists there's a goddamn mic on the gamepad why are these two cases black why is this one cream color why does this one not have the blue ridge why remake wii sports why swap between controllers so much why in super mario 3d worlds multiplayer does this big blue barter appear why is this wet why does this repel virginity isn't super bummer and are so quirky and unique and so who's running your e-shop now great a controller for rats bravely default too is that a sentence this is still medically the only game with the 60 or above on metacritic two have given me pink paper mario the origami king i woke up and my thumbs were like this one day you don't know if you have a throat forget i never took anatomy i was so [ __ ] happy i could use this controller our 15th guest today have throats everybody needs to have a few super nintendo games you're running out of excuses not to hi i'm hector and friends that's not the name of the show that's just my name damn it nice bed well those pillows real yeah we've already had two world wars might as well block while you're at it here's a flashlight to look in my ear go wild we go on the show we'll reach all cable tv users so nobody hey that's more nobody than yesterday you know the color of ass right well that's good i feel safe turns out the curtain owner hosts a talk show those demographics overlap barely so we'd be willing to do an experiment as somebody with a foot fetish would say yeah this is a fun way to annoy me holy [ __ ] i do have a head holy [ __ ] he does have a head not this plan again i'm not gonna [ __ ] a shower do you have any talents i have a foot fetish really not yet i'm trying to branch out of therapism it'd be more interesting for my epitaph i'll see you in court crucifixion's a bit harsh so this is what a brain looks like it looks fine i booked us an appointment with somebody that owns a curtain how do you find these people somebody's got a case of the mondays different tax records see no donkey making sure i don't get confused here all right here's the plan say no more oh it's just carpet and it is looking pretty good today i wish you could see it i looked at my excuses for the day and considered this to be a rewind warranty event that's when i saw a white guy that's when i was a white guy my favorite water when i was horny when i met anime when all my friends died to take me back we're not crazy you're just we're not crazy you're just we're not crazy you're just seeing a border is more absurd than murderers they make great arguments it has a map screen that eventually tells you to go [ __ ] yourself you found a blue border kick its ass oh i've heard of something like that it's called an event right never paid taxes you save a lot of money doing that it doesn't get much better than this oh no i'm not doing it you never walked over there to get me a box i know the amber alert guy i've been wanting a spotlight from him i can never compete with a shave they always win good thing i only seen five frames a second consent is the highest form of flattery i thought it was constipation humanity is hell bent on repeating itself remember that gun that shot me shape it is the quickest lobotomy i've ever had yeah sure that's just words i heard squares a cautionary tale you read the whole thing i'm up to bread my dad's killer wasn't shaking this ain't no holographic trick if it was could i do this see it's real listen i feel like i'm going crazy here yeah i remember my first time i had something to do down there and i can't see with the border in the way how about a nice pillow to the face that's killing me oh i'm sorry maybe a gun to your head i don't have a phd they forgot that you you have fud i have fun you you you you you it's me i know a lot of me what was that words wow scott next you're gonna tell us your lungs favorite food is air where does this blue border get off well resuscitate me i eat zinc now did you not before god everything nintendo's done i have something to [ __ ] about zinc just suits me you know you can only take 40 milligrams a day how much is that in pounds oh thank god oh thank god oh thank god oh thank god maybe a cold washcloth will revitalize you nope it's not wet enough i heard wendy's lacking target employees working there ah brink what do you need hobbies for you're a vegan not a man i have the new tetris now [ __ ] you we can go back to our specialized diet who wants to admit the microvision exists yeah i bought a gun for murder you know i just discovered i could take a [ __ ] on the go all i have to do is [ __ ] my pants that's something you don't want to do on your deathbed release pokemon we grow closer to my death every time i say that i'm boned i'm not so welcome to being so that's what it feels like does anybody else see squares can be blue where are the sides centimeters being obstructed centimeters see that stick that's mario god works i got no milk to drink save some no milk for me last thing the game boy player arc of my life needed was a startup disc you may not have a blue border around you but you have the equivalent in the form of crippling restrictive tropes i prefer the term silly running gags i was worried that thing was gonna [ __ ] my wife rex you hate sex more than most hate not sex so dhamma odama odama ghost is funny i like gekks you mean this no no the lizard i only do what mario tells me to why not what are you talking about you went out you're a vegan not married but you notices having a dead brother is great you should try it sometime this is one of my only cheat devices i can use it to not play mario sunshine how's it not working at big lots red well i don't eat fruit for fun but you're vegan yeah my other passion is malnutrition there are only a few things in this world i could talk about for over 23 minutes don't you ever just want to mix things up and got a [ __ ] duck a smoker's mortal enemy man you know i've never met somebody who's [ __ ] stupid before come back to me in 17 years i'll be bald and hate it i'm pretty content being miserable sports play fit trauma he said some square existed a blue square [Laughter] [Music] every story has a christ figure is that why you're in the hospital no just on my toe afterwards plus i had a coupon that was expiring go [ __ ] yourself after a mental breakdown like that you need to do something productive like join the army you're either playing one of the greatest games of all time or kroner trigger when i heard you were in the hospital i dropped everything and came straight here there's a library across the street i will never get those thirty dollars back how's our pre-corps doing oh man i've been trying to get this place for years i gotta remember this for next time called 9-1-1 i asked them how you're doing oh i have some questions for them what's your snapchat they blocked me oh but we skipped over an important console here the second master system use some junk about no sex when a beacon comes just two we seconds about stupid nintendo games will be threes guys does this ever happen to you chaos guy here let's do some math this is what we call a video game that was a short game of 20 questions oh look it's my favorite time of year to be pissed ready what do i mean to say in five minutes what's there to enjoy about the box yeah imagine what video games will look like 30 years from now holy [ __ ] it's wider after an event like e3 2019 anything was possible anything will you shoot me in the foot if you look nice the e3 2020 didn't happen because of the moleskine outbreak sometimes it's fun not to care well at least verizon's here let the records show i'm also legally blind gives up press conferences are like sponges i only saw two tattoos if nintendo wasn't gonna put smash brothers on a game boy damn it i'm gonna [ __ ] off tom clancy well we can do the color green i have never stared a tom clancy fan in the eye kazoone height and if i one lone gamer doesn't care about something in an e3 showcase that means it's filler it's unneeded and shouldn't exist and e3 is ruined i'm very reasonable this thing runs on pencil lead a hat tilt are you gonna make donkey kong junior work on atari you don't i haven't been bored in 10 minutes it's dangerous to ask me words oh [ __ ] yes [ __ ] bizarre my new store after hearing about rainbow six i thought to myself what about rainbow six maybe brazil you're doing god's work maybe they just forget i want to play with the boys on google stadia that hits the spot just dances back did it ever leave yes banana was run over by my car but still the full experience yeah i know i got the alert too i do enjoy making soundtracks with elevators oh shh take that senate so that gets a movie but not rayman advance i never said i was happy with my life you'd be so [ __ ] off with tom clancy think about how advanced society would be if we didn't spend so much time porting resident evil to game boy all right i hate ubisoft you couldn't pay me to lick them i'll save this patch of skin for verizon everybody has that more successful cousin gearbox surely they will save e3 on that day all late night with jimmy fallon viewers bought dark void zero there are certain companies when i see they're doing an e3 show i run these people scare me they must have found the gaussian blur effect but is homeworld 3 in production of course it runs better on new 3ds models but someone molasses i think they're trying to tell us something because who needs [ __ ] when you have dog alienware 3 is in production i don't want the responsibilities that come with owning a door this is a big e3 for microsoft which is what we say about every e3 but this is actually big i bought just a doorknob to put on my shelf may not do much but it reminds me what it's like to have purpose what year is it i like boxes i got nothing better to do like that sandwich i don't know how to describe it that's a fallout sandwich this is the best i could do son of a [ __ ] it's become uncool to hold things there's always going to be verizon they went to all the trouble of using plastic well if konami's not gonna do it sex wolf that's pretty cute i'll buy five xboxes i fell in the way to the shop that's a story to tell downloading a game i still felt and that's just embarrassing wow they must really care if they're lying to me digital has its advantages like a vasectomy i always win e3 bingo nobody wins except for satan you ever have those games from press conferences that you completely forgot about summerville is coming because i really needed 16 more characters in my life one it's gonna have an epic campaign this is pointless but where are the rats i get overjoyed when there's a random blank piece of paper included in the box i never thought about what next gen could do for rat tech look at all these it's more than three whoa my grandpa dumbass xbox those bastards but your xbox you only have nintendo platforms you have the luxury of buying super mario brothers nine times i have very specific turn ons damn it i chose to buy clue clueland twice come on i was trying to make a point they thought there was not a single american who wants to feel this thing phil thanks for the rats and europe let's just assume they can hate europe thank you what if they don't have internet but love buying laura croft in the temple of osiris i can only be so lukewarm please tell me more for two hours i measured this thing is in fact huge my fingers are too dirty to play mobile games just means i'm a [ __ ] look at the sandwich there's pure mucus in the middle but the bread's okay ladies and gentlemen the horror they are the cutest possible way to kill a seal yes guys i'm signing them for verizon they're gamers too it's a joke book that's really morbid i mean if she's cheating on you at least she's only doing it a little horizon z3 show on june 14th what do you think they're gonna announce it doesn't matter they're gamers we only have a few options here how much is that in square feet if anybody could resurrect christ it would be the ps3 gaming isn't a passion it's a right bam that's a sin smallpox they [ __ ] stink i just care so much about gaming and gamers and video games we can't avoid the piss stain on my xbox collection they're mega man games low calorie this was in 1964. what the hell was that and that doesn't run well good to know liars are everywhere they might even be staring you in the face i gave xbox a golf clap the rest of the conferences gave me the clap get box art that looks like i'm pecking chips for lunch and this is when i lost credibility which one should i get hopefully one of them shows wario of course being the nintendo fan i am i was expecting underdog why buy for free when buying for 30 is an option like you can put any character you want in and you chose no dignity all right there's no game card after the 14th time we've seen these games at e3 this year i think they finally won me over i bought hot dog buns and they just came with a rain check for buns after the 14th time we've seen this game at e3 this year i think they finally won me over i'm just doing some touch-ups to my high school yearbook photo you think they'd let me do re-takes nine years later where are my stock options i actually turned it down i didn't want to get too late spelling the truth what are you a [ __ ] this is great they'll [ __ ] it up somehow what the hell i'm pissing happiness garbage the mario party team are the only developers i wouldn't let perform surgery on me i'll take the single tier they say metroid prime 4 is still in development had me too if i didn't exist i don't think this ever happened in title legends what the atari thought we were idiots just dance 2022 it really blindsided me with that one under the right mindset the game will make you feel like this soul eating soap my dreams of becoming a financial advisor are crumbling so it's just being an ass i sneezed during the tattoo even my mom came up to me and said did you see they announced strange brigade for switch some of the most despicable loathsome moments in the video game industry the simpsons game verizon might have buttered me up legend of zelda breath of the wild on wii u says it supports the wii remote and nunchuck and classic controller and lying there's always next year verizon son of a [ __ ] i pray they announced their new logo and it looks like this i swear to god if they're just eggs not again well that kind of stunk [Music] [Music] you

Channel: DSK

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Id: 5gqtcjqenfQ

Length: 131min 34sec (7894 seconds)

Published: Tue Jun 22 2021