The Jack Benny Program: Jack Is A Contestant (With Groucho Marx)

from television city in Hollywood the Jack Benny program of the special guests remarks presented by Lucky Strike oh oh yeah boss I just did some of your shirts not blowing the mail important are the doors anything important serviceberry yeah on your last trip to Europe did you go as an ambassador no have you ever been down bastard order well of course not then I think I lost one of your shirts a little for heaven sakes watch it next time yes say I see him that box they sent over here from the wardrobe department yeah they send me a lot of costumes over to try on but don't bother hanging him up I picked one up once sure is excited about that costume party mr. Darryl salads given I'll now forget the last time he went to a masquerade party he disguised himself as a waiter he fooled all the people and kept all the tips you want me to help you with your claw skills you know I've got it on I'm on I'll be right out no kidding where's the mail only on the table you're looking at I don't know what he's supposed to be little boy blue of course how are you I would wear that costume why not your legs are too skinny they are not look at look at that muscle where right there that's your kneecap oh yeah oh well Oh Rochester I wish you talked to them to the postman and tell them about my mail always being late Leigh yeah look at here here here's the letter I got notifying me that my option was picked up well that's the one you've been waiting for but this is from jello imagine us being rattly say here's a costume you might like to wear a cowboy outfit okay here's the Hat here's the shirt ya nah paint oh yeah this best hey they left belong to Gary Cooper do you think so yep a rock says look what it says here in the television she's in the paper says Bob Hope was sensational at the Academy Awards he was never funnier which only proves once again that hope is the best master of ceremonies and the greatest comedian hmm why don't they print news instead of opinions see what's on the television here says the plot of this week's General Electric Theater will deal with a lady lecturer high-pressure agent the jackpot on Groucho Marx on you bet your life program tonight will be $3,000 Robert Montgomery will $3,000 imagine giving $3,000 just for for answering one question - I you know I I'd like to go over there and get on Groucho Marx program for the boss he'll recognize you emphasize they'll use actors on that show yeah but look Rochester I can disguise myself so even Roger won't recognize me yeah well what about the costume part I'd rather go on Groucho Marx's yeah anyway you know mr. mr. zanuck won't miss me at his party no especially since you weren't invited well good luck boss and this is my night off I'll just turn you that down down I think I'll leave her okay she $3,000 maybe I can win it ought to get some soup here that would fit maybe this might be it hey boss do you think you're doing the right thing oh sure sure he'll never recognize me I think Oh another hole in the mattress what are you laughing at boss with you sleeping on a Sealy is like sleeping on a bank take it up a little bit and make room for $3,000 I'm going to change my clothes I'll see you later this makeup that we're wearing we hope will look familiar we couldn't feel much sillier it's really quite bizarre they said put on some glasses a mustache and black eyebrows and though you look like eyebrows you'll still know who you are and so with no concession and not the least discretion we offer this impression you see the man whom we are playing is one who's always paying is one who's always saying we caught you hey that's me that's me that's me that's me hooray for our friend Groucho his ad-libs are the quickest his repartee the slickest of anywhere we know when Groucho meets Jack Benny Benny better penny that ki can answer any of the questions on the show but Raj will meet his master will Danny be the faster it might end in disaster who knows we'll bet that Groucho hollers if Benny really collars the whole three thousand dollars with my how the tension grows and now it's time to light up a better-tasting lucky and cleaner fresher lucky that smoother Lucky's right you simply cannot measure that deep down smoking pleasure you say that it's a treasure it's lucky that you like less FFLs FFT LLS fftt it's light of time all over from Timbuktu is over with Lucky's we're in Dover you see and just to keep you posted how better taste they're toasted and that is why we've posted and always say it is lucky time for me welcome back and welcome now tell me miss Johnson how old are you 19 19 are you engaged married or anything okay oh do you have a boyfriend no sir well do you have a DeSoto no well go to your DeSoto Plymouth dealer and tell them Rancho Santa I'm sorry but you don't send me tell me say hello how come you have no decorations or ribbons well sir I just enlisted in the Navy and I've never been on a battleship I've never seen action you got a lot to learn sailor sailor sea action they're not on the battleship they're on shore leave anyway don't worry about it few years you'll probably have your whole chest covered with medals oh I don't think so sir I don't think so either I just threw that in in case your girl I didn't want to embarrass you you needn't have bothered I don't have a girlfriend you haven't got a girlfriend no so take off that uniform you can get in trouble impersonating a sailor I'm to think of it if you take off that uniform here we'll all be in trouble no friend no sir no matter of fact I haven't even kissed a girl well with miss Johnson's permission we're going to remedy that would you like to kiss miss Johnson here oh I don't know go ahead sailor there's a first time for everything go on kissing notice one of the most interesting books I've ever read pardon me just a minute I hate interrupt this but Jim have you read this book no sir well hold it I'll be right back now that we've all seen action let's have a little action on the show the category you selected is geography and I you know the rules how much you want to bet on your first question to $30 hey you know okay here we go for $30 New York is known as the Empire State what is Texas known as the Lone Star State that's right you now have a hundred and thirty dollars now what question will you try next how about fifty fifty dollars what was the last date admitted to the Union Arizona right again you now have a hundred and eighty dollars no I'd question would you try $60 $60 under what new name is the country of pleasure now known Iran it gives you two hundred and forty dollars now here's your last chance to beat the other couples what would you select we'll try the hardest $100 $100 okay what was the name of the Governor of New York who purchased the island of Manhattan from the Indians for $24 owner husband Peter Stuyvesant I'm sorry it was Peter Minuit but you have 120 dollars and was nice meeting you thanks and good luck mrs. soto plymouth dealer the second cup is now leading with 120 dollars and the secret word is telephone any of our contestants say the word telephone is divided electronic Scapa we selected a doctor and a musician will you come in please welcome welcome from the DeSoto Plymouth dealers what's your specialty doctor I'm the musician and you must be the doctor because the other thing standing here is a microphone yes I'm the doctor I'm a I'm at the classes say your face looks familiar haven't we met before I don't think so Roger and what is your name is no this is the lady leave it all up to get my glasses fixed so you'll have to do your hair differently I don't think he's kidding what is your name dr. Jeanette arminana catotti the psychiatrist well if I knew you were coming out of build accounts now getting on to you what is your name sir of foresight ronald foresight Ronald huh it was Rodney during rehearsal a cheap way of sucking around Coleman now Europe you're a musician mr. Forsyte yes sir I'm with the Los Angeles Philharmonic Orchestra I'm the first violinist there you could have been the face violinist period like he just escaped and Phil's Batali's group where were you born rod you don't mind if I call you rod no no no steady Ron I was born in chitlins which Mississippi Mississippi a well what happened to your accent oh well nothing you you all just didn't notice Joan oh okay and I think we better get started and play you bet your life the secret word is a very familiar object and it's something found around the house well what happens if I if I guess the secret word well you get a hundred dollars which you do davai davai well of course and she says the secret word she divided with you oh well I wasn't arguing about that part not only is your face familiar but so is your philosophy I'm sorry mr. Forsyte rod but the rules say you have to divide please say the secret way which is something found around the house the duck will come down and pay you $100 something around the house yes where's the duck doctor where would you find it he's up there of course oh no worries right up there what do you laughter a fraud well right now I'm living in Glendale Glendale yes I have a little home there with six rules and and windows and window shades and venetian blinds and tables and chairs and spoons and saucers and dishes and rugs knives for all that hold it why are you telling me all this you said that the secret word is something around the house I can't get over how familiar you tell me doctor have you ever seen him before no but I've treated cases like probably use a double I'll get it back to you right survive does the violin you play a Stradivarius oh no no you see I I you have to be rich to be able have a Stradivarius II I'm poor I all I have around my house or towels and run and the ashtrays look enough of that already alright new you say you don't have a Stradivarius nothing you know I heard that a lot of imitation spreads have been made and sold I know but they could never fool me because you see I could tell a phony like that's the word like I got the world hold it there's been a mistake the duck thought you said this a good way but you didn't what secret why does telephone and you said telephone but I gotta put in my speech I always say that California has baloney why I say I do I use Cologne I use Colonia NJ yeah well in the sentence you use you said you wouldn't be fooled because you can telephony well you didn't let me finish the sentence I said I was gonna telephony a friend of mine who's a violinist what I was gonna say what's his name this friend you've got a friend well okay they say the customers all right but I don't know how that applies to you you sound like the type was never been a customer I don't care just let me at this duck look more where that came from that was they just flown in from Las Vegas Blanco let's stop requests okay hey hold a whole wait a minute wait a minute divided that money with her well as soon as I get some change I'll give her ten dollars he told me to divide it he didn't say how you know Bravo I need a mistake before I never have had a case like him all right I'll give you a half of people you run into on these programs stop whining and let's get on with the questions in there you selected the miscellaneous category now which question do you want remember the questions are from 10 to 100 dollars $10 ones are easy and they get more difficult as you progress now what question do you want to start with well we've tried the $50 one see that's a hard one all right for $70 white ship now holds the transatlantic speed record the same ship United States correct you have a hundred and seventy dollars now what question will you try it out the $80 one or $80 harder but we'll decide between you is that what you would $80 what baseball player had the highest lifetime batting average Oh Tyco that's absolutely right I'm glad I didn't answer that I would have said Crazy Legs hurt but you say nothing nothing alright you now have 250 dollars how much money do you want to bet on this 120 90 all right for $90 what is the largest living mammal well uh we're only betting $20 the whale right again for $90 now wait a minute you said 20 I said nothing it's funny I could have sworn he said Crazy Legs hey you're just trying to confuse me that's all believe me you can't fool me I can tell a phony you're wasting your neck Big Boy only wants to a contestant all right now you have three hundred and forty dollars here's your last chance to be the other couples what are you going to go for $100 all right for $100 is your last question what would be the interest on $100,000 held for two and a half years at 4% interest if the interest is compounded semi-annually ten thousand four hundred and eight dollars and eight cents that's absolutely correct it's amazing how'd you figure it out so fast well you see I have this same the same transaction we're just a couple of days ago with the California Bank you bar that much money from them no they borrowed from me I read it someplace I don't know well when you wind up with four hundred and forty dollars which meets our other couples and that gives you a crack at the jackpot question which tonight is wait a big question tonight is three thousand dollars you are 15 seconds to decide you are 15 seconds to decide on a single answer between you think carefully and please note up in the audience are you ready yeah all right there is a famous radio and television comedian who was born in Waukegan Illinois back then wait a minute we know as Jack Benny mr. Forsyte that's not the question what question is this now listen this is the question how many years this bum has been lying about his age now for $3,000 $3,000 can you tell me how old he really is only got five seconds more $3,000 what is Jack Benny's real age 39 I'm sorry but that's the wrong answer which means the big question next week will be wait $3,500 thanks and good luck into the so diploma deal thank you bye bye bye Robbie hey just a minute I want to talk to you I thought so you're Jack Benny ah Groucho I only came on for a gag and try to win a couple of dollars that's all Jack I don't I don't notice what well you know you're not 13 I know you had to do was tell you correct age and you two won the jackpot why didn't you do it Groucho let me tell you something I may not be a spent trip her brother I know a bargain when I see mark yeah where else can you buy 22 years for only $3,000 thank you thank you very very much ladies and gentlemen and now once again I'd like to bring out my guest just for Bob Groucho will be able walk tomorrow Groucho you know I do want to thank you very very much for being on my show and listen I gotta tell you something you know a couple of weeks ago when they had the Emmy Awards you know for the television shows I really was surprised and disappointed with your wonderful show that you didn't win an Emmy well what's our opinion against millions I know but that's listen I you know anybody that can give away as much money as you and still tell jokes deserve something that's an unfortunate subject you but since you did bring it up yeah when do I get paid how about money Oh Groucho I would worry about that because you will get a check tomorrow morning now how about pay me in cash why what's what's wrong with my check well I can telephone you he's a pretty cute guy you know what's so wonderful he's older than I am I think anyway one of the Marx Brothers must be older anyway ladies and gentlemen be sure next Sunday watch and southern and her wonderful show and I'll be back again in two weeks where we do a show leaving for New York thank you very much tonight's program of the sportsman quartet team Mahoney Bondurant and Irene kefir

Channel: JackBennyTV

Views: 443,446

Rating: 4.8115726 out of 5

Keywords: jack benny, groucho marx, rochester, comedy, funny, classic tv, game show, 1950s, sportsmen quartet

Id: 77EIpJprWlA

Length: 25min 54sec (1554 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 04 2012