the green room with paul provenza 2.04

you no ok no you can't come in I don't have my underwear off yet hey come here it's a bunch of comedians hanging out with some friends you're not supposed to be here but if you call you become an addict if you've ever been offended by anything don't come [ __ ] yeah you guys you guys know Jeannie yep I always introduce Jamie as the son I never aborted I'm on stage you do introduce me that way yeah but yeah like not in conversation like setting me up then the audience looks horrified and I have to win them back in the first five minutes I met Jamie he was living in his car in Albuquerque New Mexico good choice that ah dead tree you want to set up shop is no better well no we were just passing through Albuquerque we were essentially driving to any play seven books my wife and I we pretty much I was a failing comic and she was a failing writer and all we wanted to do was say we made a living as artists so we thought if we left our apartment and didn't have rent technically we would be making a living as artists so I was playing this like Poetry Festival out in Albuquerque which is when you saw me Poetry Festival could we get a little example of this come on you guys want to hear a little poetry come on what you got it alright alright this is the total opposite audience than your audience can bring up that I've had nightmares of Ron White standing over me saying read me a poem and I think it just happened good it's it let's let's Mike my favorite piece of yours and it's not poetry and it's stand up man do that one joke do that one joke about gay rights do I do you understand Ron would you like me to stand or said yes is it right where you are so you can't get away if it sucks sure to every heterosexual mentally abusive closet racist fast food feeding let your kid run around a mall like a psychopath parent why do you have like nine [ __ ] kids yet you say that gay folk can't adopt because it might screw the child up and I know America thinks that every time a gay couple adopts a child it forces otherwise straight and homophobic pastor Ted Haggard to hire a gay male prostitute and engage in a week-long meth induced [ __ ] spree I know many want to do with you guys but then a gay couple adopted and it forced him to take an injection of another male prostitute [ __ ] I know I get it but I say just because your man bits fit into some girl bits doesn't mean you have to have kids do you know how many straight parents shouldn't have children go to a movie theater or an IHOP on a Sunday and don't tell us the two men or two women in the bedroom may cause a child to question his sexuality any kid basing his sex life on the sounds coming from his parents bedroom is already [ __ ] beyond repair if God designed marriage for a man and a woman then statistics say that God is failing that is below failing just look at otherwise straight and homophobic pastor Ted Haggard who's married with children but hired a gay male prostitute to shame fist him into a meth coma when you say that being gazing moral really more moral than shame fisting because I would rather have my kids being raised by the flaming queer couple down the street then haven't spent another night of the church with father diddly hands is that why you want an option restricted Church you keeping all the young ones for yourself Church if you really think that a child should only be raised by a married couple then I have an idea but the gays marry [ __ ] these are people who will raise a child for a better reason than the condom broke you give me one valid argument besides but God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve really because I'd look stupid Adam and Eve [ __ ] up big time and maybe Adam should have explored other options so stop [ __ ] telling us that the Bible says that being gay is unnatural because I've read the Bible and there is a lot of unnatural [ __ ] that happens in that part I would say that in dude dying then rising from the dead in a zombie s fashion it's far less natural than me suck in a [ __ ] because at least [ __ ] you can prove wait I'd like for you to try it standing up that was harder than the three of us have worked in sixty years that's one joke I know and another thing I met him well at a gig we had the same manager at the time because oh I'm gonna send a tow guy up to open for you up so he and his wife come in the green room they're talking about how they're living in their car I thought well if I was this girl this guy better be really [ __ ] funny oh really good in bed because who the [ __ ] would live in a car with an opening act I mean maybe I might live in a car with a feature at a middle Jordan a high-paid middle 700 and air but he was so he went out and Bill blew my mind he was no funny right then I kept thinking we we have the same manager he needs someone better Oh like I thought wow when he's done I'm gonna be like [ __ ] central and these people are gonna be so happy to see me cuz that's like going to college James so politicized in fact he does a great podcast called citizen radio with his wife Allison Kilkenny the fact that you know the blue-collar audience is perceived at least to be right-wing your crowds perceives to be lovely if you looked at my crowd when they come in a room uh you did I gave up on judging what the [ __ ] people think I got people coming in with like spikes through their eyeballs and [ __ ] tottering entity agent 962 and in an eight-year-old that has got ADHD but he loves the word [ __ ] and so I'm his favorite person so the spectrum the people who watch me are not really uh I've got just as many conservatives watching me as I do the other side I'm curious about something particularly with you you're a blue-collar comic you're sure right and why didn't you do the series I got a work ethic problem and they they were all really aware of it hi what are you saying you didn't get her done I didn't get her done I did not people have put more effort into tubing a river than I put into this career the thing that's fascinating to me about the whole blue-collar comedy phenomenon correct is that most of us associate it with a particular political philosophy we consider it as being right-wing Christian America the antithesis of what we imagine your crown to be but nobody on that blue collar tour does political material right I didn't watch it I was an opening act on that tour and so was Larry the Cable Guy we did 10 minutes apiece I would go on first then Larry would go on and then Bill Engvall would do 50 minutes and then Jeff would do 50 minutes now I drink on stage no matter what and I drink this drink scotch and Ice Cube's so I go on I have a drink by the time it came came for me to come back on stage and do the little encore at the end I was baked you are in fact an alcoholic right I only had drink when I work which meant and I'm a workaholic it's my impression of the blue-collar comedy crowd true you think you know I don't know yet Larry and I Dan and I did a tour after that called the dirty Collar Comedy Tour or some kind of version of the original one but it was gonna be he and I that headlined only had a big time like a licensing conflicts yeah right it was then so you'd have my fans and there's a big crossover group but it's a little bit different because the die-hard Larry the Cable Guy fans dressed like you mean they look like it and they have literally sleeveless t-shirts a long time ago I went somewhere to work with him for the night and they had a Larry the Cable Guy look-alike contest and they were like 10 of them and I go but that's their quote they pick him out of a lunch shouldn't get a prize we're just showing up in your real clothes I've it's not like gay guys doing shareware there's a lot of effort going on there so I want you to character is Larry it's really damn ok you know it's a it's a little bit of a key he was his father was a preacher and a pig farmer from Nebraska so you add those two together you get Larry the Cable Guy and he's a great guy I just watched him write a check to Arnold Palmer's children's home for 5 million dollars and I was like really just to teach kids golf these kids are struggling with their games Paul you know I wrote the intro to his book that's right you did I did and the rest I did it was as I was pissed two people giving him [ __ ] for busting his hump and [ __ ] getting to a point where he's successful and then saying that you know he was a right-wing lunatic now he is but you know you don't call somebody out for that because it's not really his act and his act is like you know he hard to the tenth power and I don't think they're any sides left anymore to be honest because both sides to me both sides are so deeply mired and yet that it is beyond my comprehension how to do what it is I'm supposed to [ __ ] do anymore but here's the thing the whole right-left thing is a bell but most of us are at the top of the Bell but we don't hear about that we only hear the extremists position so we assume everybody's lives of late um I don't think we are on a bell I don't know what we're at I do know this I do know that there's a certain group of people in the country who believe in the individual to the point of it's the most important [ __ ] thing on the planet is the individual and me I'm at and then there's another group of people who believe the government the collective the group and that's the most important thing on earth so that you have a group of people who read iron ran and [ __ ] took a piece of fiction how do you read fiction and come up with a political philosophy ask us in second it's fake kid Christians I don't give a [ __ ] that's a book that somebody at least comes up with some mumbo [ __ ] jumbo and stands there in a hat does some [ __ ] shaky thing ha ha and it makes it work yeah I'm talking about somebody by themselves reading a goddamn book and then coming out with this libertarian thing and the beyond that debris or dick I am the most important thing on the [ __ ] planet and that we are teetering at that position now where these people believe that the individual is so profoundly important and the government and the collective is a piece of [ __ ] and that's because of communism if you allow this group of people actually work together we're [ __ ] because the next thing you know we all be on farms [ __ ] working together and singing those shitty communist saw here at this great now I think we're the it's not liberal conservative it's psychotic and idiotic Jamie yeah Jamie that's poetry I've got a poem tent cake can you stand up stand up okay um I turned down a three-way last night because it was one of those things where it was two guys and me so you work more in the Haiku vein yeah I do ha ha ha I don't know what that is I'm not sure either but lumina I do sushi all right yeah haiku that's like whatever fish they caught yesterday I like that joke better than the ground [ __ ] you ha ha Huey seriously a lot of my actors now [ __ ] you you didn't laugh [ __ ] you I thought it was funny I worked on it where at least for ten minutes [ __ ] you you know when you sit there with your judgement I don't need it you've never here a good suit she [ __ ] um are you aware of your audience's politics or do a shoe it completely I got a day it's all about laughs I've not made a point in 24 years and I think telling stories is a lot different you know no matter who you're telling them to you'll be one thing if you guys were like we're the Blue Collar Comedy Tour now let's go kill an abortion doctor I would say close with that close of that yeah I don't think you open I think I think that's the t-shirt what was that it's Matt kirshen very funny comedian my friend of mine came all the way from the UK tell him about the first time you ever met a Texan but I just been on Last Comic Standing and went and did a show in Atlanta I was sat next to this Texan couple the guy from the couple recognized me from from the show um he was so Texan he genuinely got me to autograph his gun magazine I think it's because he can't bring the real gun on anymore he gets to look it's like Texan porn he started listing the other people he remembered from the show and he went yeah and there was this big black fella and his wife just went ken no you know what's weird in the south and in the Midwest Lee even though like I am overtly political like I've had like some of my like best audiences ever because they're not as like a pathetic as like New York or LA would be you know but when I went to do the morning radio it was this right-wing country station that they wanted me to do did you do that for him ah no I opened the show the night before were like the mic was really high cuz the the opener was taller than me and I lowered it and I just said some dumb line where I was like let's get this down to tiny Jew height and that was it right and so we're going up and the owner of the club goes yeah when you go on the station just do the Jew jokes and he was baiting love anti-semitic stuff but then I'm like this guy's just exaggerating and he takes me aside he does like the comedy club owner thing where they've been around forever and he's like let me tell you something kid Lisa Lampanelli came to this city she was talking about the blacks she was talking about the Mexicans and we were standing right here and I said Lisa you go on that station and you talk about the Jews and Lisa said but I've never talked about the Jews and he goes Lisa get in there like a [ __ ] Little League coach get in there and you talk about those dirty [ __ ] Jews and she goes on and we sell out the entire week right and so I go in there and I'm like he's kidding he's being like hyperbolic before we go on air the first thing the host does he looks at me and he goes you're the comedian yep shakes my hand looks down at the list and goes Jamie kill steamy then the club owners trying to hike me up and he goes you know Jamie's manager manages Robin Williams and Woody Allen and this guy goes Robin Williams is huge ooh and I go I don't know man Epping he goes I know Woody Allen's at you and I was like we all know what the other wait are we making a [ __ ] list enemy went on air and and that was it but like that's how some of these stations [ __ ] wrote down there um yeah go ahead oh I was gonna do you guys still do like now that you have like such built-in audiences do you still have shows where you don't like them even though they like you and they're there to see you if somebody paid to see me live like um yeah I do I like him I appreciate it they even like my drunks like I got I got really heckled what his lady I have a lot of alcoholic fans but that's fine that's that's absolutely fine but she was really older and and quite hammered and she was yelling from the balcony in theater cuz I all I said was uh I hadn't finished anything I just said I can't listen to Sarah Palin because now you don't know what I'm gonna say right you know ever to be good bad indifferent and she loses it in the balcony she goes dad that's right deck Ellis god dammit I love you Kathleen but don't go down this road like really like my it's like my aunt Nan's gonna throw it down and this went on pretended the theater guys were like I will get her out we're gonna wreck oh no no no let her stay cuz I don't mind talking to a drunk that's my family but but other people did pay to come and see me so it's not really fair and I'm like well if you're gonna take her out keep her in the lobby I'd like to continue this after this is over maybe cuz nobody nobody nobody even how much you might like Sarah Palin can actually envision a positive joke about Sarah Palin Yeah right but I mean I didn't hate that lady I had a little flak from a Sarah Palin joke what was your joke my joke was that I was looking at you look at the Palin's ooh Sarah Palin and bristow and Levi and Willow it turns out that trig is the brains in the family I made the decision after she was nominated and I heard her speak the first couple of times after a couple of weeks and I knew she was like for me a mother lode but I was so shocked that she was running it stunned me so much I said on stage I wouldn't make jokes about her because I could not live in this world if I believed she was a real person and so I have for for the entire time that she's been around treated her as a hallucination ha ha I love talking you about the time you did the White House press corps dinner yeah you were right there in the belly of the beast yeah what was that like man well what was weird uh Dick Cheney is to my right and to my left is Mitch McConnell and it's it's really almost more than you can bear and I look to my right and and Cheney is laughing his tits off and my stuff I mean wow slapping his knees and having the time of his [ __ ] life and all I'm thinking is I am evil and I'm waiting for the stench to pop and stuff he's laughing his tits off and happy and it's like mr. black you take breaks and I'm dealing with that and then I turn to the left in Mitch McConnell if I'm ever near that [ __ ] Sun I'm in a bunch I mean you know we're not supposed to be violent in what we say yeah I have a son of a [ __ ] riding on a punch in the face you I mean it cuz sides not his politics I don't give it good about it but it's an audience member and you're sitting there [ __ ] smile [ __ ] pretender having a good time you son of a [ __ ] get out the last but he's--you second and it was like he was holding a Gideon or something and I'd go from him back to him back to him and it was a horrifying experience that Silver's are because whatever comics are having like shitty sets you always find that one audience member who really likes you so every time you like this is going really bad that guy still likes me your guy was dicks change dick shame to you like you you have to shake hands with dick Jane yeah okay that's a moral dilemma for me yeah now he's a guy what he didn't know you know knows you don't know he's not just a now Mitch McConnell a goddamn dilemma he got to joke you gotta shake his hand a dick laugh the whole time and I'll tell you a really great dick tani follow-up story I am at a Larry King a benefit you know uh for you know he's got a big huge heart fun thing and they they buy hearts and shovelin people they do something and they so I'm doing this event and my mother and father they're my mother it is a moral thing for my mother cuz Dick Cheney is in the other room people are paying like five thousand dollars for a photo with Dick Cheney they come over to me and say would you like your photo take him with Dick Cheney I turned to my mother and say would you like your photo taken with Dick Cheney I'm not getting my photo taken with that son of a [ __ ] never and then she says and besides that there was a John McLaughlin of the McLaughlin group was sitting 15 feet away she says I got to get over to that son of a [ __ ] and tell him what a turd he is so so I turn to my father then I say would you like your picture taken with Dick Cheney and he goes great and he pops up so I now traipse into the room and now it's Dick Cheney his wife Larry King and and his wife and we come around the corner my father it's about 86 at the time and his hearing is kind of shot and he sees Larry King's wife for the first time and at the top of his lungs goes Jesus I didn't know that Larry King married a shiksa in that kind of that kind of takes the whole political thing out of all of the bog I would have an issue with that I would I you know I don't know he's not just a guy I mean I wouldn't rush in a room to have my picture taken with him but let's say I was at my table and kind of hammered and he sat down and somebody took a picture I wouldn't say a recent pay anything but if he's kind of half hammered and I'm half hammered and so that would be a good picture then yeah be kind of hilarious for Facebook EGH I think it's gone you're allowed to meet Dick Cheney but ironically correct I said fine but he wasn't meeting ironic no but I I took the gig I accepted the gig as soon as you accept the gig you accept the responsibility of the gig there is nothing on any level to be gained in the universe or that moment in time for me to turn to Dick Cheney who is risen and at least showed up because Bush didn't [ __ ] show up that's the only reason I got this prick sitting there plus I want every one of those people I don't care who's in charge I still maybe this is like my Missouri hillbilly side I still do respect the office so what the president of Germany was you had to respect the office even when Hitler if you're German yeah if you're German the German you said no I don't I don't respect it that's wrong that's not what Germany is you don't speak to it well aren't they the good guys go down really you know Lou knows there's nothing you could talk about World War two and the Germans that I don't know this race up to 18 hours seriously yes I just got the whole Nazi thing they advertised on TV unseen footage oh I mean here E is it the Wolf's Lair and now they've got interviews because the people are old enough in Germany they finally have said they finally I think they think [ __ ] it we're gonna die so they're being honest and now there's all these old jurors got Val people not telling the truth we kind of thought he was awesome he didn't like the Jews we were sad about being Germany matters happy a pop in German it was all great till it got VIN I just have to say it talking about the Germans I have no sense of humor when it comes to the Nazis and I won't even I went by a German car I won't either because they lost house for the record I Drive a Jewish car haha every every hey we gotta go you guys been phenomenal give it up use the runway thank you fold those brows Kathleen Madigan my buddy Jamie casting come back again hang out at the Greenham see you later just atresia get nama tears

Channel: offely

Views: 819,509

Rating: 4.5893712 out of 5

Keywords: jamie kilstein, kathleen madigan and ron white

Id: WlaCSFQ6Ljc

Length: 27min 48sec (1668 seconds)

Published: Mon Jun 18 2012

Reddit Comments

[u/Why_Is_This_NSFW]

@9m49s for mobile.

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The whole show is worth the watch.