The Green Room 2.3 - Dave Attell, Doug Stanhope, Janeane Garofalo, Richard Belzer

I listen I'm supposed to tell you that you cannot come in here because there's comics in here but I'm not going to say it because all provenza's over there he's gonna let you in any way she it's a bunch of comedians hanging items and friends you're not supposed to be here but if you call you to come hand if you've ever been offended by anything good but it's rare where you get to work with legends of course some of the people that I love in comedy and of course an animal adorable rescue just in case Nickelodeon picks this up you're right kidney smell laughter what's got boy can I just say one thing right yes sir this woman to me and many others is a hero and by that I mean she she went on she went on the radio at a time when the atmosphere in this country was repellent and loathsome and uncivil and she brought an incredible amount of intelligence dedication research width and passion rarely heard of the radio and she stuck to her guns she was vilified by the right I can't think of a more important person to have on your show then before and she's fun [ __ ] funny yeah I mean she's [ __ ] funny too hey Paul who brought the lube for this stroke fest you're putting on tonight do you still give a [ __ ] about all that politics I was passionate like that for about five years and I don't give a [ __ ] do you still have you given up to be quite honest a tooth fell out one of my teeth fell out on it I grind my teeth terribly a lot of people do but it's because political cultural socio-political social justice issues are so deeply troubling and not just what happened to son but everything that led up to it and you know what the rhetoric that comes from the right wing and the Tea Party movement and all that which very clearly led to that and then having to watch all the apologists for it you don't get to that kind of assassination of a liberal candidate without somebody frightening somebody into doing that the guy's a [ __ ] insane person oh yeah they're not me today he thought a colon would turn him from a person into a prepositional phrase it's not that's not because of rush limbaugh that's a man from his [ __ ] medication for sure that they messages that come from his environment don't motivate that person or from sublime or can i switch seats please get me out of here summation in summation because I grand mighty so much it cracked in half and the other night I had to just actually literally pull it out yourself bad no no I had to have help government help the government the government then put a chip in their paranoia mr. Stanhope that is a flat fact I and you are oh you guys don't know each other no I mean I know who you are but I mean why are you here I have no idea I don't know I understand you're incredibly funny yeah he's letting you guys suck each other's dicks and then I was gonna [ __ ] throw something in there hopefully that's a euphemism isn't it no I was hoping my literal start again to see [ __ ] Belzer this is this is my favorite comic Doug Stanhope he's mine as well mine is off Dave Attell but just right under the bride on the back if he's the outback steakhouse I'm the sizzler so there you go I'm sorry I didn't know it was the analogy part of the show tweet it he had a great show that after our insomnia I'm sorry oh come on don't you acting like you don't know who you Mark Twain you know what's going on what hell is happening yonder come on you son of a [ __ ] if I can get over there I'll be there in 20 minutes he's gonna beat me with a slave hey you know Belson I don't intend this is ok but you kind of look like George Burns with AIDS oh that's not that's not the only time pause a funny bone in his body's when I [ __ ] him in the ass but this is like great 80s comedy [ __ ] balls to the wall yeah there's a good cuz how it used to me there's a couple of white guys throwing down yes you know you banned me from catch a rising star in the early days just [ __ ] yeah you did you ban me of course I was probably on heroin cocaine and having a weight just blow me when I said you can't go on but don't take it personal yeah you introduced me and you and you walked offstage and I came up to the mic and there's carrying my glass of water and so excuse me can I put my water on the piano you said sure and I went and poured it all up and down yeah I'm [ __ ] cake is that true so true story can I apologize public no you don't need to apologize not on this show no one here it actually Rick I told he's great oh you're the master of carving out your particular odd he is [ __ ] to my audience scares the [ __ ] out of me it's a true story when we played canada i don't know as calgary or Edmonton or trying to find the gig and there was a like a train station right in front of the gig at a big mob of [ __ ] scary Canadians as scary as they can be but I'm feeble and I actually crossed the street to avoid going past them and then realized it was my audience waiting across the street to get away from my own audience duh go play a bowling alley in abortion clinic he doesn't give a [ __ ] he's great he honestly is he's good he's the real deal when you played people's homes right I played a backyard in Vegas and it was [ __ ] great I mean with all this social networking is there's no need to [ __ ] involve clubs anymore much less [ __ ] comedy buffers just so many people make a [ __ ] dollar off of the talent that are just it could be cut out there middlemen their [ __ ] leeches and they don't come on you're too lazy you want to waitress to pick you up at the [ __ ] airport so you can try to bang her all right kill John too I get it money is evil but it's better it's better the devil you know because if you if you cut the clubs out then you'll just get some shyster that you don't know coming thank you and then you could say this is America that's I I thought that's what shyster meant don't dance around you know Glenn whoa a gun and I met many years ago in the men's room and he stayed in when I was changing the ice in the urinal I'm the owner gave a maid's get a gig together in Dubai you talk about that now Janine warm it up let's go okay here's middle-aged okay here we go Bell we're gonna do it down come on and well there's a lot that precedes this but the particular comedic high point for me was that we hired the services of several asian prostitute soul if she's still on the clock wow this is how funny you Lana is we didn't do anything except we made them parade around the house whistling the bridge over the River Kwai all right funny we didn't make them oh we didn't make him a little isn't it was an easy [ __ ] night for that they wanted a chore and we didn't they wouldn't want to have sex with them and I thought well that'll be fun and take their mind off of so let's get this straight you're in Dubai hookers mysteriously up here in your room and you say whistle and leave and we're supposed to [ __ ] buy it Oh what happened was that the guy who ran the gig it was a good corporate sponsorship thing and he's just used to businessman coming to town and he's like yeah the drinking's done let's go get the hookers right so he just brought a bunch of hookers and I didn't want to Janine has a similar story well what happened to me was I had asian hookers with the differences i did want to pluck them and so we did not whistle or anything like that I mean it's a business that's what did Dave yeah you landed a series about porn how perfectly without who you Piers Morgan yes yeah anyway yeah I do I I'm working on a show about old porn you know I don't have the big tissue issues that these people have here but actually one of the stars of the show can I get a another one too I didn't know you had like the kings of leon doing the bottle can you dig away it's about porn golden age like the 70s early 80s you know the the West Macaulay [ __ ] exactly ones you were jacking to when it was more arty speaking of porn I'm in a hotel room in the 80s on the road and my wife's movie was on the pay cable so I'm one of the few men who has pleasured himself watching his own wife Wow until I think most of us have jerked off to Belzer ask for it now that was a compliment I dream about my wife I found a maxi more nuts magazines the in England I started to fondle myself to a photo of a woman in it and only halfway through did I realize that it was my buddy's wife Wow and out of respect I stopped out of a nice man there's a manhunt I just imagined her humming the River Kwai you're a decent man I am I am flip the page and he came on another girl yeah real man that's what you do yeah where do we work together Cleveland and Cleveland which is like Baghdad would snow I swear to god there's only one eyebrow in that town yeah you heard what I said and well is it porn bit have you seen his porn bit uh oh I didn't do that he didn't do what he was there yeah it's about the legality of porn yeah and you get sent stuff and you're not sure if it's legal like we all know what porns illegal like kiddie porn or coma porn or Kitty coma poor and that's the worst one homo porn is illegal I thought I was making the best of a bad situation without health care you gotta make Terri Schiavo was asking for a by the way to mom's dress bad dude let's hear it you know that's illegal but there's the mid-range like you're not like [ __ ] porn yeah is that illegal do they care yeah well should it be what do you think no not all it shouldn't be leave first of all I am so sick of the [ __ ] people living our dreams porn scoring a basket halftime at a basketball game that's our [ __ ] dream you're Canadian and you love everybody these [ __ ] tarts are stealing our dreams I'm not living their dream oh I got here in the car made out of chocolate that's their [ __ ] [ __ ] dreams not porn basketball prom king I plugin I've got a whole cast on this team this were really a green room until I'd be going that wasn't funny I don't think that worked out well I hate myself none others [ __ ] i'm doing is funny I'm old now but i would call you like a four in the morning hey does anyone do tort car made out of chocolate David tell Dave Attell will call you he's so afraid of stepping on is this premise been done and i'll call you in the middle of the night do you do a bit about fat girls on pogo sticks what I had an idea but I thought you already did it put down that bit bland go let's hear the rest of it yeah yeah [ __ ] is going yet all right go ahead yeah it's a question of whether or not it should be legal and I think it should because no one would say that it's wrong for [ __ ] people to act in regular movies well what if they're not very good actors they should have the same right that every other bad actors had since the dawn of cellular and that is to turn to porn if they can run the cafeteria at a museum haha surely they could cut a few bucks that's cool that's the charm of Canadian people there so like enchanting and everything like he's very funny dude and he's really cool and the English guys into the Australian guys right the other coming to our country and they're a charming the [ __ ] out of the audiences not with that piece of material but I was a great joke dude I'm sorry i [ __ ] blocked you [ __ ] but I told you how good it was and he recovered nicely he did great I'll give a three awkward pauses we are getting smoking oh yeah the conch look at that huh their noses are so powerful I know it's too much smoke working on this too much hope for a dog they lick their own ass come on see that's the problem like you know animal rescue and stuff like that now this is really inappropriate so you guys can grown if you want but like are you involved in animal rescue you are all right well let me just say this we've rescued more animals than Jews during the Holocaust yeah it's a true cat it's your truth back it's wrong but it's true a lot of the crowd are thinking maybe if the Jews were more helpful and confined bombs and you know we dig earthquakes like dogs they would have lived that's where I was Paul what do you think that would have been one of the cutest train fulls of puppies though I'm right I could put a puppy on a train that's wrong even the dog liked it look at on that jew-hating [ __ ] yeah that way hey that was gay with a side of [ __ ] that was the game my job doesn't like this charlie I got a question bells now I remember seeing you at the tail end in the new york comedy scene late 80s when it was fun i bet it was probably like a black dude [ __ ] at 70 s 80 whatever all right I don't know the exact year aged coke spoons around my head burns I don't know what if what either way see how he lures you in a notebook go ahead i'm supposed to you guys we're having a ball now comedy is like its oldest self-promotion and you know whatever you got to wear a funny hat you gotta wear a jacket it's just a lot of work it does it sucks really change right yeah we never we never have to deal with merch yeah what's more she doesn't even know what it is sounds fun hurt i bought your [ __ ] how to do comedy book when i started up you don't know what Murr yeah I read that thing bitchin took me 56 years to overcome that the master take I'm not that I'm not down I'm not that I was you're someone I really didn't like on this show me as using you as a good boy Oh usually use me as a punch line yes I did there was some paul provenza punch line but just I used him as an example of bad 80s comedy I didn't know at the end of the 80s there were so many just every [ __ ] comic that you knew their name but you didn't know why and they're always cut so I used Paul Provenza as only because there was an alliteration PP it wasn't him personally there's a funny maybe he was one of those or you could have said like Allan Havey or no he's great prevents appeal it was amazing i love anything you got Hades [ __ ] genius are you still performing stand-up I mean I know she the benefits you performed last Saturday night I work with a band yeah oh I do what no way no you don't filter really one thing what did I do wrong no no I mean I always remember you as like the [ __ ] no proud guy no but I was brought up on full service performers impression singing falling down we're gonna change all around at the end so I felt like I had to be full service so but I do impressions I do Jagger and Springsteen you're still doing jack I still do jack are you doing Jagger at his age now he's the same age as me oh ok so it works out do you think you're Jagger was better than Overton's Jagger oh I'm not trying to start a fight Jagger oh yeah Oh drink this Jesus Paula Abdul is here right now you would be the one that's right telephone now Janine and I were on an island together that's right we're on an island in 1992 oh this is a cool story we did a comedy we did a commie special it was for viet what is for something that chick it was a funny chick at shiksa blonde chicks but I'm actually listen Ava Braun no leaf was she there do you remember your first show after 911 Wow here we owe doug has the best one oh god this is gonna be evil oh my god this is good was that Luna on ludlow street and no it was I don't remember it was at the Houston laughs stop a month after 911 you're right you announced that it was your first show and you did say you know what I love Howard Zinn and I love Noam Chomsky but it's time for them to shut the [ __ ] I did not I swear to god you do I'm trying to fight for nothing no way no way wait a sec did say you know George Bush might not speak well and I was out swear to God Jagger oh yeah Tiger okay but what I might I might have said something about that he might not speak well something nice about that I'm just shut of just no way I want to rush the stage so that I think you are miss remembering what what I say i only remember this clearly because i'm a drunk and I all my memories are suspect but I remember clearly because i was doing [ __ ] a [ __ ] George Bush you should have prayed on [ __ ] Tuesday there the other you have to hear but I was doing that all week to getting [ __ ] and I thought you were gonna come in and do stuff that would back me up because it was 30 days afterwards and you're like I don't like don't know and I would I was like [ __ ] I told you back from your own history I may have said something nice about George Bush that that may well be true well I cannot accept about the late Harrods and I'm Chauncey that I would have said that and also that you take such delight in bringing that up like that as if you want to burn my hash a day I'll tell you why I bring it up we did Marc Maron's podcast yes and I had made a reference I was drunk on stage the night before that and when we went up to do the podcast you were there and I felt like such a [ __ ] tool for like ah so it's a pleasure to meet you mr. Ruffolo what I had just trashed me on stage at night before and so I feel like a dick why did you trash me on stage tonight before the 911 thing came up it was in a rib I don't know what you did is you misremembered and do that group of people and now that group of people believes what you said that and I and I and I my pride will not allow me to go on record as saying Howard Zinn and Noam Chomsky should shut the [ __ ] up but Janet rocker record stand correct he said that's the group of people that he crossed the road to avoid though how much they remember it of any of that really bothers me well last time I told you how much Mitch Hedberg had a crush on you and that which delighted me exactly so we're even hey hey it's been three minutes no one said Noam Chomsky what's going on here fall we're dropping the ball we're never going to get on the cover of yon magazine you know David Feldman fail fail comedians overcoming you know I I don't want to ruin the evening you couldn't possibly ruin this evening my first wife died after 911 and I just don't think it's funny I I kissed her goodbye that morning she went to work at the towers and she borrowed my Palm Pilot what kind of vengeful God would kill my first wife and take my Palm Pilot with all the names of my old girlfriends you make jokes about something like that I'm just offended see you got us you gotta hang in with code oh good point hang in with him he'll get you there hey let's talk about the Middle East more okay all right now the turban not the most fun hat ever am I right or what all thoughts Glenn anything you look good in a turban you think so yeah I'd look more like an interpreter and not a right are you trying to get drunk I I know this I know this is starting to seem like a gag when I if I can take a leak bells take over excuse me did we walk Provenza yeah Wow who's captaining the ship hey I'll tell a nice Janeane Garofalo story I saw her at the Aspen Comedy Festival sit with Tom Lycus who is like just I he's a fraud of really he wants to be like he's not even a guy that is on the radar and I ask Jeannine afterwards how can you possibly sit there and pretend like that guy he's just such a made-up [ __ ] phony and she goes if you just treat them like what they are and that's what she did she SAT and talked to Tom like is saying you don't believe what you're and she said it calmly and nicely and I was so impressed by that Thanks is Paul ever coming back you think or know this is actually Joe Tim was just testing how this show would work without you so tell us about I seen you so tell us about kinds of Queens shout out and say gosh I'm O'Flynn to Robert genre to robert schimmel as a greg Giraldo we got one yellow Knight oh good already for those of you young people out there Schimmel is an amazing comic and he took everything god throughout him and he turned it into funny and i cannot say enough good things about i love Bob immensely and while we're at it the great rich Jenny oh there you go Janet no longer widows Jeff late I'm glad you brought that up Yeah right Richard Jeni passed away he was a huge influence on me taught me how to write a joke in a bit and when he died Anna Nicole Smith died there on [ __ ] they were showing that [ __ ] like she landed on Mars for like three weeks and there was like an Richard Jeni died he was the real deal his brains really underappreciated hey guys please mr. Richard Belzer Mr Graham yo news janeane garofalo Dennis Allen German don't stand thank you all for being here come on back again good that was

Channel: EscherReturns

Views: 49,044

Rating: 4.8913579 out of 5

Keywords: The Green Room, S02E03, Paul Provenza, Dave Attell, Doug Stanhope, Janeane Garofalo, Richard Belzer, Glenn Wool

Id: wntcwsukMsg

Length: 27min 42sec (1662 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 13 2011