The Green Room 2.7 - Bill Burr, Russell Peters, Colin Quinn, Caroline Rhea

I'm at the Montreal Just for Laughs festival the police is crawling with comics you can come and hang with us if you're cool and you don't get offended by anything [Applause] [Music] [Applause] what is the greatest thing about hanging out with you at Montreal just relax this year is that I learned so much about you starting with how [ __ ] huge what's wrong mine I know what you're thinking he moved to LA and got silicone nuts that's not the case and on cameras going to add 10 pounds to them balls the thing that people like I don't know but I certainly like to look at the pictures [Laughter] for 22 years I have a huge penis at this time I really do you have to the stand up masculine eyes you you think I think that you know men don't really love being dominated well you know what that [ __ ] costs downtown do you know that there was a really famous dominatrix author Sabrina called Madame Hilda what do you mean on the show yes we had a dominatrix on the show because the kids like that yeah okay do you remember the show yeah it's like the demise of Western civilization tough crowd no [Applause] I still got it baby how about when you're under my control she said what the worst insult you ever got come on no is a couple of years after we're more control this girl comes up to me goes are you calling Quinn's father what was the the cathouse show on HBO yeah the brothel okay it's the demise of Western civilization I don't know if you remember this particular episode yeah you can cite a specific episode Manny I was small I ended up telling the story on Conan about this particular episode where I can't even tell this crowd because of Bill no do it no no they'll take away my green card but no really you can't do that okay if the guy goes in and oh my god are there children here that watch Sabrina I'm sorry okay nobody watched Sabri [Applause] I just gotta get on my giant pile of residuals I'm in every country for 14 years whatever yeah you have a nice day too so I it's when the guy goes in and says anniversaries but I like you and the prostitute goes oh my god this is so horrible Colin oh say it like you've never done before and then the Mohammad if like your wife in the ass with the dildo okay yeah three grands like like he just ordered the special nobody was phased or anything it was just like what he wanted he wanted her to [ __ ] him in the ass for the deal okay we weren't able to hear you so what's going on here start over and then he said and while you're doing that I'm gonna [ __ ] you in the end okay good okay so she's bugging him he's I'm gonna [ __ ] you in the ass Julia Roberts and Tom Hanks you got AIDS that was so underrated the story on Conan and the next day I'm at a club and I get this package from the guy who owns the what's his name okay apparently Tony Tony Tony you lived at the bunny ranch for a while and he said we love you here at the ranch we have a lot of comedians for regular customers Colin Quinn and Tara Tom [Applause] you know what the best part is is that the most embarrassing part of that story for Colin is carrot top I wasn't regular customer John's disillusion Liz about me he's so great if you're [ __ ] they're going who's Colin Quinn's daddy he's she doesn't react to you go tough crowd Tony Clifton scare folks Tony Clifton one more opening act of the great Andy Kaufman folks yeah is there any indian porn it's not good Bollywood movies what would the porn be Carly well they she she's about to go down on him and then she starts singing around his [ __ ] you took over this is true with the Rosie O'Donnell thing right yes it went very well it's still on in many countries look like rough Kramden or am i nothing i want to hear more about indian forms yeah I think I'm the important [ __ ] you [Laughter] I'll sit here at my [ __ ] [ __ ] and drink have some fun go ahead ah do you think Tony Clifton everybody Tony Clifton hey what's the difference between a Irish wedding and Irish funeral one less drunk [Applause] where were we indian porn indian porn there's indian porn stars in mainstream porn of course actually dated one she was a great girl did you make a movie with her and big balls [Laughter] here's actually do have a serious question for you okay you do all this stuff about being Indian but you're not actually you're Canadian very Canadian I'm apparently an exotic domestic I'm the core fan of Indians you say things about the Indian population here or Indian immigrants and people love you for it Lisa Lampanelli goes out there and she talks about everybody in the most insulting ways and people love her for but then Tracy Morgan goes out and does something and it ends up being a whole thing like what how does that happy but why doesn't that happen to one person but I I go out and talk about everybody first of all but I because I'm a non-white and I'm [Applause] Oh God yes sir the thing about the Tracy Morgan thing it's like that old thing that's always [ __ ] look Tracy more less than absolute ridiculous [ __ ] I can't stand people who everything's funny then the [ __ ] comes around to them and then all of a sudden they still you know they stop saying it's jokes they say it's statements and I'm not saying cuz I wasn't there he got like try look you weren't there I wasn't there and I just felt like he didn't get a chance to say he just immediately went into apology mode and then all of a sudden they parade them around like this trophy I know I just don't feel I don't feel he got a fair shake that's awesome but here's the thing and this is the only thing I'll say about this no it isn't but go ahead you get to say whatever you want we all get to right absolutely but the second it comes out of our mouths it's no longer in our control about how it's supposed to be interpreted people can hate it they can do whatever you want so every time you say something like I always say the only thing I promised my audience is that I wrote something I care about I say it because I believe it the second it comes out of my [ __ ] mouth all you can hate it you can write your Congress people you can call your network and that's the bottom line is that we all have to deal with the [ __ ] that comes to us from saying what we say right and with Tracy Morgan how did you feel should he apologized or not do you think that like you said he was a stupid listen like the person said it knows what they meant by it if you process in a fucked-up way ask him how he meant it I realize that but here's what a really rests on is that the whole thing came off a one guy's blog every guy's an item about it and how do we know he's not a dick we weren't there sometimes some audience people can't see irony from a million miles away but Tracy deny saying it know did the guy get it wrong no those who that I know that because Tracy didn't say wait dude that's not exactly what I was like whether he said something offensive or not I just thought it was [ __ ] up that one guy went home like what I guess the greatest memory ever like a stenographer and typed it out and everybody's like that's what he said and that's what he meant because guy in seat number 5f said it and next thing you know he's going around got an apologize that's kind of a scary thing as a comedian I share what Tracy's act like his show was crazy it's shows pretty over-the-top it's genuine so it's not like he's up there like what's up with n tables and then goes in an actor when it comes to me where you're doing like this selectively getting offended I got one I get in trouble for she's got the one against in the Jew in Santa Claus Santa Claus comes down the chimney that's why I could say this this gives me the [ __ ] right to say it cuz I had a [ __ ] relative who died it outs with apparently the wrong one [Applause] [Laughter] [ __ ] hey I got one thing to say yeah I could win see mistake cry say one thing live from New York [Applause] one thing this thing yeah if I made one person happy it's all been worth [Applause] commits he commits where were we so anyway I'll try remember when he was heckling I just remember [ __ ] so I think we're talking about gay people there we go lesson here is the gay community is has a very strong activist community who in the air [ __ ] against them they take it to the mat and and guess what [ __ ] happens yep I don't agree with that guess what [ __ ] happens so like we then you have to just I mean if there's one able okay you got to take like that word it can mean other things it's just gonna be ball breaking anytime you play sweats playing hockey the other day okay and this guy he knocked me down it felt stupid I got up he asked me he goes he goes you all right I go yeah you [ __ ] like it was this oddly intimate moment he was going to you okay and we were on the ice and made me uncomfortable and I say you [ __ ] get away from me she's supposed to believe who you're [ __ ] skating around with your buddy on the ice figure skate and we're supposed to believe you see what he's doing now he's using like homophobia hey you're twirling out there and you're doing it that's what guys do this is what guys do it always it's just what is ridiculous I don't think that they shouldn't be allowed to be married I don't think they should be treated like second-class citizens I think the way the way you can say [ __ ] derogatorily when you're on the ice when there's nobody guarantee that's what you think it came out because of my childhood because of that word that then it's gonna be like oh this is how he feels about gay people and then he has to go apologize it's ridiculous reactionary words and then there's words then in fact it's one of them yeah but it's I say to my friend I'll call my friend Lee what are you doing tonight girls I gotta go with my wife a gopher good and then I'll hang up the phone and there's nothing gay about it it's just a word that seems so ridiculous to tell you stop doing that to me [Laughter] but you said some interesting about when its individual words like a lot of people will get busted just for using word and the context goes away and the iron goes away and all that sort of stuff but you made a really interesting point when I was talking to you for the books a turistas about how what it does is give a road map to racist then not get in trouble because all they have to do is avoid certain words yeah you can kind of leap across the pond because they just know what not to say and they can continue like why was it that [ __ ] was the word that came to you when he was trying to help you okay no no that's the thing that this is the point so consciously gauge what you say why are you judging that it's exact exactly right oh this right here is what these are the questions that they should ask rather than saying you said it you said it so it means this why did it come because of the way I grew up because the way guys are you you're not supposed to be I fell down are you okay yeah [Music] obviously he's from Boston Boston's gonna get [ __ ] offended and be like well what do you mean by that we're not all for Southie how did you mean you just drive Boston perfectly how did you describe its it's like a racist San Francisco that nice soda if I was gonna live in a city and raise kids I could do this it's got culture it's got the symphony and then it has all that yeah you [ __ ] quit got all that but you see when I was growing up in the Bronx right which is similar to you know vibe is where you grew up what David you from the Bronx from Parkway area Guinea bastard good now the guinea pigs are gonna be upset yeah but when I was a kid growing up in the Bronx a [ __ ] had no yeah we didn't know what a homosexual was like eight nine years old [ __ ] just meant you wouldn't like you know press the doorbell and run away right what about George Collins great routine with that because oh he's growing up a [ __ ] was guy that wouldn't go downtown with you and beat up the queers just go home [ __ ] but yeah but that's it is that that in our background I think I I literally didn't know that it had a sexual component until probably like maybe 12 13 14 now that you do know that it still comes out it actually struck me as funny and I thought it would be a great bit because the bid is actually two straight guys you can't have that [ __ ] moment of like yeah you know I was worried about you get all weird like - yeah it's [ __ ] away from me like you're just not allowed to have that moment so it's but it has nothing to do with gay people but they but then that that knee-jerk reaction is oh you said that word let's look it up on the chart oh that means this and it means that and now you have to go on TV because on the chart it means you meant that when you said it's local on you but when you did that bit it was really criticizing yourself for not being able to accept some sensitivity from another guy that's why guys drop dead like 50 from like 40 years that's not being able to emit a puppies cute you just got to keep pushing it down it's actually it's a it's a weakness but the twisted Liz asked is the way they should go about it when [ __ ] like that happens rather than having one guy who got a friend and be like he said this this is exactly what he said and this is what the [ __ ] it meant apologize here's your podium I think yeah well we got too much whoa once again who is determining how somebody's intent is who is to determine hey you know the way you said that was mean-spirited I know a lot of [ __ ] idiots I think a lot of [ __ ] is mean-spirited just because it goes against what they believe if everything is subjective to each audience so you could say one thing in front of 101 Ian's say the same thing and those people are afraid because it offends them just like me be that offends me but it's like I can't make those determinations here all right this is a bad example but I mean like I was on Twitter the other day Jake Tapper from ABC News wrote thanks LA Times because they reported that the grandson of someone famous so I can't remember who was shooting at some plane so I wrote back to him the only thing that would make this story more boring is that the person that's rias's because they were [ __ ] talking about Kim Kardashian with psoriasis endlessly on the news right the National Psoriasis people send me a Twitter thing psoriasis is [ __ ] serious and it's no joke and she goes really and he shows me a psoriasis on his elbow that's why we could say it brings up a really good point like you own say Indian people are cheap and then you tell a personal story with your dad right right so it's really a personal story but you talk about it as Indian culture in general and you don't get in trouble for it because the thing is when I'm saying these things about me or my people I'm really generalizing about everybody because at the end of the day we all end up doing the exact same [ __ ] but everybody thinks they're the only ones that do it so what I'm talking about Indian people are cheap there's Romanians reading oh we had a cheap 200 whatever you're talking about they're always like everybody thinks they're the only people that do this and at the end of the day they hear me say and they go oh so it's not just us it's them too you know that's what I'm trying to tell you so you get people who just like really don't like Indian people cheering for the wrong reasons you can tell by the laughter when the laughter you know I mean and does that mess with you when you're on stage like yeah but it kind of [ __ ] with my head a little bit because I'm like even [ __ ] are missing the point here and I wonder when people talk about race and I've never seen your act so I don't know [ __ ] about race it evokes more questions and people talking so why bring up race if you don't want to have a conversation that goes on further about race why just make a joke about oh my people are stupid or my people are cheap or whatever it is what's the point of that ultimately I go for the perspective of culture because culturally it's completely different than race we're outsiders and when you're an outsider you have a better perspective of everything and the more of an outsider you are the more perspective you gain but you do this Asian character phenomenal voices but I can't believe you don't get in trouble for it no because if there's any Chinese people here they'll know they they immediately come to me and go that was the best Hong Kong accent I ever heard they recognize it immediately I remember that too watching like when I would watch Def Jam and there's a generic white voice it would annoy me but it was a specific white voice like you could picture the guy yeah and then you'd be like that [ __ ] actually happened yeah that's funny but if it was just like I'm sitting in the chair but like Richard Pryor was the first person I ever heard who was not white do white voices for the first time in my life I was in the position of being the the culture that is genericized to some stereotype that's like really not makes you feel good [ __ ] ain't [ __ ] I was like wow let's be honest they ain't [ __ ] I mean what he was saying he's probably just afraid to get into a relationship you know I got the 10:30 we started you got to go do a show yes yes I do thank you so much [Applause] it's the ballroom blitz have you ever offended your audience have you ever crossed the line you know the funny thing on one time I was on stage doing my Asian bit everybody's laughing having a good time gotta get paid I guess [Applause] it's better have my money [ __ ] ain't [ __ ] so I'm on stage doing my thing a [ __ ] white guy gets up yeah you're a racist [ __ ] for making fun of Chinese people's cuz his girlfriend was Asian and I'm like she's laughing you [ __ ] [ __ ] OPA lardo I was like who are you getting mad for because the other Asians are [ __ ] laughing you dummy that's the thing is that a lot people get mad on behalf it is insulting to the people you're defending because basically they're saying they're too [ __ ] stupid to hear what you're saying right which is doubly insulting trying to decide what people are gonna get you have to write what you believe and know and think it's funny and if people want to react and write letters and do all that [ __ ] they get to like that was very interesting too is if you listen to talk radio I listen to it all the time I monitor it constantly and the racist [ __ ] that comes out of the mouth of like Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck they have a massive audience that supports it advertisers advertise on it you know that comes into play - you know why Tracy Morgan is a comedian whose intent was to be funny get nailed when why is Glenn Beck and Rush Limbaugh and these people's dissent is to show and politicize and this inform you miss inform you make the zillions of dollars and I wonder if part of it is that people generally are like I liked him [ __ ] him instead of I hate Rush I know he's gonna say that so we get the pass she says you know somebody like Tracy Morgan they're like oh like I'm a Colin Quinn fan so I'll allow him to spew his racist hatred yeah I have tickets to Bilborough so I have to [Applause] [Music] sweet cheeks [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music]

Channel: undefined

Views: 1,341,923

Rating: 4.7085319 out of 5

Keywords: The Green Room, S02E07, Paul Provenza, Bill Burr, Russell Peters, Colin Quinn, Caroline Rhea, Lizz Winstead

Id: FeJkEMY_P3o

Length: 28min 12sec (1692 seconds)

Published: Tue Dec 13 2011

Reddit Comments

[u/thispersonchris]

The Tim Minchin episode is great as well ("brain cum...")

I was also surprised at how much I liked the episode with Roseanne and Sandra Bernhard.

[u/Lewis614]

Didn't know this existed, thank you.

[u/matchstiq]

I do now! Thanks faggot.