The Enneagram: Help For Type 1

hey what's up guys I want to thank you for joining me for another video my name is dr. lihiot and I am gonna be looking this time at the recommendations that I might make for any gram type one people first of all I want to sandwich we appreciate you guys we couldn't run our businesses our organizations our churches and all of that if it wasn't for your dedication but let's let's go through a few things about the one and then I want to make some recommendations at the end of this video of what I think you know ones could do to better their lives and make their relationships more stable and stronger you know why we begin this discussion on type ones and say this you know just kind of ask you this thing you know wouldn't it be nice if everybody did what they ought to do you know if everybody did what was expected of them and did what they ought to do wouldn't the world be a better place of course I mean and that's really the way once think perfectionist or the reformers they think if everybody would just do what they're supposed to do everybody would cut their grass if everybody would take out their trash if they would keep their kids in school you know keep to themselves mind their own business and do what was expected of them the world would be better if everybody stopped at the stoplights if everybody took their shopping carts back and put them in the shopping cart Corral instead of leaving them all over the parking lot wouldn't the world just be a better place type ones are by nature desiring to be good people they want to do the right thing they want to do what's expected of them they want to be dependable they want to be thought of as reliable respectable people and so they're very concerned with how other people are perceiving them they are in the compliant type category but it's not necessarily compliant like they want to go along with everybody but they're compliant to the inner voice in their head that's telling them that they need to do more that they need to show up early they need to stay late they have what's called an inner critic in their head that just is compellingly telling them that they're not measuring up that they're not getting it right they could have done that they should have started earlier they could have tried harder and so when they wake up in the morning their feet at the bed or their feet hit the ground from the bed they're thinking through a list of what needs to get the fact they probably thought that list you know the night before and they may not have been able to sleep very well because they've got this list in their head of what needs to happen today get up get these tasks done do what's expected of you and they're complying with that inner critic and no matter how hard they work at it they never really feel like they got it right they kind of go to bed at the end the night feeling like well you know kind of frustrated that they didn't maybe measure up they didn't quite live up to the expectations and they're frustrated their sin is anger it's a it's a bubbling cauldron of frustration that I should have tried harder I should have done better and then much less look at all those fools out there that I have to work with that don't take their job seriously look at all those people out there doing all these shenanigans and not getting their work done and I've got to cover for them and there's that frustration that comes from feeling like you're the only one that really cares about doing the job right all these other people they cut corners and they take shortcuts and they don't follow through on their commitments and ones you get very frustrated with that kind of behavior so their desire is to be good but here's the tricky thing is goodness always seems to be somewhat elusive from them it's like it's like the gold brass ring they can never quite grasp they never quite feel like they are good they never quite feel like that they've measured up to the standard that that they've set for themselves they are very ethical reliable productive self-discipline people I'm looking at my notes here they may come across sometimes as judgmental because that inner critic that's in their voice sometimes gets verbalized to other people what others ought to and should be doing key words for one's what you ought and what you should they live by what they ought to be doing and what they should be doing and sometimes they'll verbalize that especially if their managers or have some kind of position of leadership or authority they verbalize to others what others ought to and should be doing and it's hard for them I think to realize that a lot of people don't live with Ott's and shoulds in their heads they just kind of do whatever they feel like doing or they do whatever the crowds doing or they do whatever will make them fit in and I think once think you're crazy how can you just do whatever feels good for the moment don't you need to do what you should do if the sign says don't walk on the grass how can you walk on the grass if the if the assignment was due on Thursday why would you not finish the assignment on Thursday even if it's not done complete turn something in and so they're very frustrated with people that don't necessarily think and oughts and shoulds and I don't think they can really understand or grasp how people can live without Ott's and shoulds so they can come across very judgmental or inflexible or controlling or hyper critical but I think what you need to realize is that however critical they may be of you it's probably nothing compared to the criticisms that they're mounting against themselves so if they verbalize a criticism of how you didn't do something right maybe you didn't load the dishwasher the right way maybe you didn't put your socks in the right drawer or put them away right whatever they verbalize to you is just kind of a tiny little glimpse as to all of the frustration that that they tell themselves on a daily basis ones are idealistic people in other words they kind of think the world could and should be a better place if everybody did what they were supposed to do the world could be a better place when I think of the one I think of the proverbial patrol officer you know the police officer that's wearing a finely pressed uniform that doesn't call attention to itself he's not trying to stand out and be flashy you know and and really wow people know he's wearing a uniform he or she police officer they're wearing the the uniform as it designed to be worn and they are out on the streets doing the right thing and then making sure you're doing the right thing and they don't hesitate turning on the siren and turning on the lights and pulling you over and saying you're not doing the right thing pull your car over and now you're gonna get you're gonna get the consequences for not doing the right thing and I'm helping you I'm helping you learn to do the right thing in the future and if everybody would do the right thing you can hear the frustration and even the way I'm presenting this is if everybody would just do the right thing then you know we'd have safe roads we'd have Safe Schools we wouldn't have all these people getting hurt and abusing each other and they got a point there right if everybody would do the right thing of course in our culture who gets to determine what's right one of the problems with our culture so they kind of live by the idea that anything worth doing is worth doing well do it right the first time you know so they'll stick with something that's tedious and something you know that it takes a lot of concentration or something that takes details they love to organize and fix things and sort things out and make the you know make it make it right I think about like airline pilots or airline pilots or airline mechanics or the people that work in the control towers you know there's a right way to do things and you're got to do things the right way according to the procedures you can't just go out and be creative you know when you're a pilot you can't just say well no I don't know I feel like turning the controls off and doing it my own way not a commercial pilot anyway so they live by let's do things by the book let's do things the way we're expected to do them so they're just trying to get it right but they're kind of Grint gritting their teeth together you know trying to get it right and when they when they are angry they probably won't they probably won't acknowledge that it's anger they'll just say I was trying to do it right and they're just kind of upset with themselves and frustrated that they're not getting it right I think of like if you watch the office I think of Angela on the office or maybe Felix Ungar on if you're old school and you think about the Odd Couple the church lady on Saturday Night Live you know well isn't that special mr. banks you know on Mary Poppins who comes home and he's a banker bankers have to get things right and you know there's a proper way to do everything and you wear your tie and your suit and everything the proper way the right way the respectable way and you come home and you pat your kids on the head you send them off to bed Mary Poppins is also a Enneagram type one practically perfect in every way that's that's what one's want to be she's probably a one wing too and Banks is probably a one wing nine come home and after a day of work just get your pipe and Pat your kids on the head and send them to bed and then just relax for the evening where Mary Poppins is you know not only going to try to do things right but she's also got that caregiving aspect of the two King Triton on the Little Mermaid you know is the proverbial one he's upset with his daughter he wants her to follow the rules and when she doesn't she's a seven when she doesn't then he loses his mind he loses his temper and bans her and banishes her from ever going above the surface of the water again I mean you can see how ones can make enemies not intentionally but because they expect people to follow the rules and they get frustrated when people don't and so it irritates them and they get then they they show their anger when I think about a song from popular culture that really typifies the energy of the one in country music I think of Aaron Tippin and his song I got it honest I don't know if you're familiar with country music at all this is an old song from the 90s but let me just read a couple of the lines from the song I roll out of the sack every morning and head down to the mill I give them all I've got for eight hours because that's the deal and every single penny I earned I've got it honest and he says I've never turned my back on what I believe if I didn't earn it I don't want it I'm plain spoken and straight talking and proud of what I've accomplished when I die I may not leave my kids a fortune why because you know I won't cut corners I won't cut corners and and cheat and scheme and lie to make a lot of money is the implication but I hope that my kids listen but I hope that my kids knew that my life stood for things that were important okay there you got that value system that strong value system of the one and he says I'll hand out the same sturdy old values of my daddy and my mama it made me every ounce of what I am and I got it honest when you're singing songs about handing down value systems from your parents you know you're a1 okay that's one language in the prodigal son and that story if you're if you're a Bible reader than the one I think think of the older brother and the story of the prodigal son you know he kind of got his arms folded and he's mad that his his stupid brother who's probably a seven went out and squandered all the wealth and squandered all the inheritance and ruined the farm and ruined everything and then when he decides that he can't make it in life and he comes home and dad forgives him well the one is upset you know he's angry because his brothers been stupid and he should receive these consequences for being so stupid ones have a unique ability to spot errors and flaws and imperfections they notice when they walk into a room if the music's too loud the air temperatures not right if you know the food service isn't what it ought to be or the food items you know aren't cooked thoroughly all of that anything that is just not what it ought to be it's just irritating to the wine and it's hard for them to go with the flow if the table isn't set properly and if people god forbid leave their trash on the table you know the ones gonna not only be upset by that but then feel the responsibility here's the thing they'll hear a voice in their head that says you need to go pick that up not only their own trash but somebody else's you know I didn't you pick that up if I was a good guy if I was a good boy if I was you know worth anything then I'd go over there and I'd pick up that trash and put it now I'm that idiot over there that fool he should have done it himself but he didn't but if I'm a good guy and I do the right thing I should go over there and I should just go over there and go pick it up for them so they're very critical of themselves if they get a report card back and it's all a's and 1b what do you think they're gonna notice as the seven I was just you know glad that I could get a report card when I was in middle school and early years in high school I was just glad that I got a report card back that wouldn't get me grounded that's so when you have a a one you know they want to get it perfect they want to get it right they can always think of how something could have been better you know I my brother is a one-winged 9 my older brother and guess what he was in law enforcement and a fire department okay so that's the world of ones is law enforcement and Fire Department and I asked him one time I said you know if if everybody got together and they said hey let's go out to eat and they said let's go to the Chinese restaurant or then let's go to the Italian the you know the Mexican restaurant whatever let's go to the Chinese restaurant what's the first thing that goes through your mind is a 1 and he said the very first thing that goes through my mind is is that really the best option really I mean is the Chinese restaurant which is five miles away a better option than the Mexican restaurant that's three miles away and and it just typifies well what I'm saying here with the ones is is that really the best is that really the best that could be done is that the best choice is that the best decision and for the rest of us just think of just have some compassion for a minute for ones you know they look so put together they can be leaders their dominant voices you know they're compliant to their lists and compliant to that critic but they can be kind of dominant people sometimes they seem very secure and sure and they're not going to go along with the crowd they're gonna do what they believe is right it comes from the gut remember they're one of the gut types eight 9s and ones there there are gut types so they intuitively know what what should be done and what shouldn't be done then they're not going to necessarily care what the poll says or what the group says they they're gonna listen to their gut and they're gonna say in their heart this is what needs to be done and and they're gonna think let's do this regardless of who's with me or who's against me like that Aaron Tippin song I'm gonna do it honest okay but have some compassion for a minute this should move all of us to a little bit of compassion for ones when you think about the fact that you know they're always telling themselves I could have done better I mean think how self-defeating that is I should have tried harder I should have given more I should have left more on the field it's just never satisfied with with good enough I think most of the rest of us on the india graham you know the other types we we kind of understand a little better that you do your best and you just leave it and you just walk away from it and if it measures up it measures up if it doesn't I mean threes probably have a hard time with this too but you go to bed at the end of the night you can't stay up worried you know did I make a good enough supper for my kids you know did I what about that one paper I forgot to get done at work well it'll wait you go tomorrow and there'll be more work to do tomorrow but you know every interaction you have with people always grading it and saying wow you know maybe I you know maybe I should have done that better maybe I should have handled that better maybe either maybe I really upset them I mean it's just constant constant frustration and constant grading yourself and really you know it's it's like as a child I think one's sort of got the idea that if they would parent themselves then their parents wouldn't have to parent them maybe they got in trouble and got yelled at and that was such a terrible feeling for them that they thought I don't ever want that to happen again I don't ever want to get in trouble again I don't ever want to get yelled at again so I better do everything that's expected of me or I'm gonna be in trouble or I'm gonna you know the people are gonna reject me people aren't gonna love me they're not gonna be there for me and I think it helps us be a little bit more compassionate with with the frustration that maybe they're feeling because it would be it would be difficult for any of us to to live that way you know it's impossible to think that there's gonna be every area of your life is gonna be perfect and right you know I mean if you decided right now then okay you're gonna be a 1 which you you know you can't beside them if you're gonna be a 1 or you're a 1 you're gonna you're gonna get everything organized get everything right get everything straightened out where do you start I mean is it your family is that where you're gonna focus and get all of that right and how are you gonna get your kids right you know what I mean think of the pressure that you're putting on yourself around your kids that they have to conform to everything that you all of your values all of your they are their own minds too they do what they want to do or what about it work are you gonna choose work are you gonna choose with the garage so you're gonna organize the garage and get everything in the garage the way it should be all right well what about your bedroom what about your closet what about you see I mean the list goes on and on and on a never-ending of what needs to be improved and so you were going to exhaust yourself and everybody else around you is gonna be exhausted because your continual need to make things right to make things good to make things organized and the very thing that we applauded about you your desire to make everything right and your desire to make everything good is in a sense what's destroying you because what's true of the world around you the world around you is broken it is it's broken it's flawed from a biblical perspective the Garden of Eden is no longer where we live we live in the wilderness we don't live in the Garden of Eden everything is broken and something's wrong with everything maybe it could be enough for you instead of trying to always be right and good to just try to make a difference to just be content with making an impact in the world what if what if you could shift in your thinking from I need to do everything right I need to do everything perfectly - can I make a difference can I bring some healing can I organize and make things better and then realize that I can't fix everything not only that but I can't fix myself I can't fix myself I can't fix my marriage I can't fix my children I can't fix my job I can't fix work but I can make a difference I could make an impact and that's far healthier then I've got to fix everything it's just I can make a difference I can make an impact so let's see win ones do something wrong and they need to apologize it'll be very hard for them to apologize because it's hard for them to admit that they were wrong that's the whole deal for a1 is that you don't do wrong things you do the right thing so when they do the wrong thing which invariably we all will do they may try to minimize and be hard for them to verbalize their apology so when they do apologize to you you should receive it and accept it and thank them and be grateful for that apology because it's not easy for them I'm a seven I give apologies all the time I live in the world of apology I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry but for once it's so difficult to say I'm sorry I was wrong what they will probably say is something more like I don't know what got into me see how you distance yourself from that's not me that did that I don't know who that was that got control of me and did those shameful things they'll say things like I don't know what got into me I just wasn't myself III don't know what I don't know what to say I guess I was just having a bad day and so it's hard for them to own that you're not I'm not perfect I'm not perfect and I'm gonna make mistakes and I'm gonna blow it and what healing could come in your life as a one if you could just embrace the fact that I am what the Bible says a sinner in need of grace I'm not perfect I'm going to fail I already have failed and I'm gonna fail again and yet even though I'm not quote-unquote good I can still be loved man that is so powerful but that's really what the one is struggling with can you really be loved can you really be accepted if you're not if you don't measure up well yeah anything about your own kids they're not perfect you would you don't even expect them to be perfect you want them to try their best but you still okay maybe if you don't have kids think brothers and sisters or friends none of your friends are perfect I mean they all have their problems they all do their weird things your brothers and sisters or whatever they weren't perfect and yet what you loved them you learned to just you know give some grace and give some room and and just love people anyway right why can't we love ourselves if God loves us even though we're not perfect and even writes a book to tell us we're not perfect maybe we could learn to love ourselves and accept ourselves and in fact here's the thing it's not our goodness that at the end of the day will get us right with the universe let's just say that it's not our goodness that gets us right with the universe okay it's our fallenness our brokenness that recognizes that helps us to recognize our need for help right Jesus would say I didn't come to call the healthy you know I came for the sick the healthy don't need a doctor you know so if you're healthy and you're fine and you're good and you're right and everything's okay and there's no problems in your life then you don't need any help and you'll just go through life guess what alone on a team of one because nobody can measure up to your team and you may be surrounded right now with family members that want to relate to you they love you and they want to relate to you but it's hard for you to accept them the way they are because they're not perfect and they don't have everything together and so here's the thing your frustration with them for how they don't measure up is is what causing you to miss what's right in front of you in other words you're not present to life as it is because you're so idealistic about the way things ought to be and the way people ought to behave in the way people ought to treat you and the way people ought that you can't love people as they are people are broken people are fallen people make mistakes people do the wrong things and sometimes on purpose and can you love people even though they will let you down can you accept the people as they are in your life broken as they are oh well ones want to be teachers they're natural-born teachers you know they've got wisdom to instill the right way the proper way my grandfather was a 1 and he was always bringing you over and setting you down and finding something in you that needed to be corrected you know some way you need to be straightened out a little bit he was always helping you that way that's the way one's help is by straightening you out and pointing out what you could do better and they're doers ones don't want to talk about their feelings primarily they don't want to talk about what they think about things they just looking for what needs to be done what do we do what do we need to change what do we need to implement how can we make this better how can we make this smoother how can we make this more efficient what changes need to be made let's make the changes let's go they're people of action they're in that gut triads so they are action-oriented people who like to organize and make things better that's why we appreciate them we couldn't run our organization our churches our businesses without them they'll show up early stay late do the jobs nobody wants to do by the way when one's do those jobs sometimes they will do them in such a way as to be seen and not for your approval okay it's not like they want you to see them let's just say taking out the trash or washing the dishes they don't want to be seen so that you will applaud them they don't want to be seen so that you'll say oh wow Thank You Marty that was so helpful you stepped in and you stayed the hours and you did more than was expected and we're gonna honor you and someone they're not interested in that okay that's not what they're interested in a lot of times ones will do those jobs to be seen for the reason and the purpose of showing the rest of us what we ought to be doing in other words it's a lesson so they'll be over in the corner you know emptying the trash or washing the dishes and they may not ever say this but their goal is or what they'd like is for you to see them doing this work and then you feel that inner voice for a minute you hear that inner critic for a minute that says I ought to go do that I should be the one getting that job done so they're often doing things as a way of instructing us what we ought to be doing okay they'll do the thankless jobs not to be praised but to sort of coach us and show us the better way the higher path they want to be useful that's good they want to bring order that's good they'll make personal sacrifices that's good they kind of have that idea that it well nobody else is going to do this so I guess I better nobody else is going to do their duty nobody else is going to step up to the plate there's a lot of ways to say that but that's kind of the the way they think I think they have a strong sense of right and wrong they often have a very strict religious moral code of what they should and shouldn't be doing they continually compare themselves with others think like Hermione Granger you know getting on the bus or the Train first year at Hogwarts and she's already you know asking everybody have you read Hogwarts of history have you read you know are you she wants to know where she stands is she better prepared than they are is she doing the right thing faster and better than everybody else is doing it so they're they're interested in what other people are doing is a way of comparing themselves to make sure that they're okay and they're good okay they're well organized and orderly okay reliable they won't give up on a job maybe until it gets done where many of us would lose interest and quit or find something else to do they're gonna stick with it more likely to stick with it they make good leaders that way they can burn themselves out they can burn other people out they can be so frustrated with everybody that that they get they get to a point where they just can't do their job anymore and really I think that's kind of the way one's you know their path of disintegration is to a four and you know fours right there the individualist who says everybody else seems to be connected to life but not me everybody else seems to know their identity but not me everybody else seems to be you know that Envy thing they have ones I think what it is is one's imagine that they're staying late on a weekend at work because there's a project that needs to be done nobody else will stay everybody else is out gallivanting gallivanting around foolishness and nonsense right they're all out on the playground playing but I have to stay here and I got to do the work I got to do the job nobody else wants to do it and in that way one's I think kind of disintegrates into fours in the sense of like everybody's got a better life than me everybody else is out having fun on the weekend but not me I've got to stay in the office and work these long hours because I'm the only one that cares nobody cares about it like I care and I think that's kind of how they disintegrate into a four is that feeling like everybody else gets to have fun everybody else gets to goof off everybody else gets but not me I got to stay and I got to work these long hours their path of integration or their path of security or healing is guess where to a seven yeah when they can relax a little bit and they can say okay you know the works done I can relax now then they can focus on lightening up and maybe having some fun god forbid that you have some enjoyment and now they get enjoyment and getting all their job done right and their work in their productivity but there's a lot of enjoyment that can be had in foolishness there's a lot of enjoyment that can be had in life in just playing not trying to make sure everybody's following all the rules but just laughing and giggling and being a clown and once when they are in a place of security tap into that every once in a while and they get to feel that joy in that happiness and that spontaneity and that you know sort of get to shut that critic off for a minute and they get little glimpses of of just being a kid again and not carrying the responsibility of an adult or the parent you know when you parent yourself you're not acting like a child anymore and every once in a while when life is right and everything is good and all the bills are paid and the house is clean and all the chores are done ones can get a glimpse of what it was like to be a kid and that's important and you need that in your life healing can begin in a one's life when they say maybe others are right meaning I have a way I think things ought to be done and they have a way they think things ought to be done maybe maybe they're right that's hard for a one to say maybe the other person's got it right maybe someone else has a better idea than I have maybe other people will learn on their own in their own way in their own time and I don't have to teach them and I don't have to instruct them and I don't have to correct them maybe I've done everything that can be done if ones have a wing nine if you're a one wing nine then maybe you're a little bit more introverted and reclusive maybe a little more generous and kind and considerate and compassionate and you know when to shut it you know when to be quiet you know when you've said enough and it you just need to be done you need to be done correcting done instructing they can be a little more gentle a little more detached more project oriented rather than teacher oriented they may be just more willing to I'll just go and do what needs to be done rather than I'll correct those that aren't doing it they may wish to work alone because they know they can depend on themselves see they don't know about you I don't know if I can depend on you but I know I can depend on myself so I'll just do this job on my own other people are disappointing so other people complain too much other people don't take the job seriously so the one wing nine just is more maybe project oriented and more I'll do it by myself but after all they're they get that nine energy of just being withdrawn right so they can withdraw and get their job done if you're a one wing too then you're a little bit more concerned about being helpful to others you might be a little more compassionate for people and want to teach and work to improve the lot of people you're willing to get into the trenches and do this job for others for their benefit and you can get people to maybe believe in the causes you believe in and that are important to you ones just like everybody else have to accept the fact that none of us are ever going to be good enough that we do our best and we just leave it and it is what it is if they could get a tattoo you know on their arm that says good enough is good enough I think you just remember that you know I did a good job I just need to not beat myself up on how I could have done it better it might be very helpful for them to remember that if they could learn to rest and stillness rest because I got this list of all these projects that need to be done and all this angst over it if they could learn to rest and just pull away from everybody and just get some some time of serenity it would be helpful for them if they would recognize their anger and recognize that they're just human like everybody else and nurture their need for tranquility I want to make a couple of recommendations for you as a one that I think could be helpful to you in your life and I just got I want to go down this list okay number one learn to relax learn to relax take some time for yourself without feeling like everything depends on you the salvation of the world does not depend on you it's okay to relax it's okay to say I need to take a break I need to go on vacation I need a day off and whatever happens happens I got to take some time for myself number two you have a lot to teach others that's true but don't expect the world to change immediately you know you wake up with a list of what needs to be done and you act on it immediately but not everybody else is going to be that prompt or that motivated or feel that burden to the same degree you might so don't expect everybody to change right now number three it's easy for you to work yourself up into an angry lather at the behaviors of others so recognize this and when it happens just recognize it and acknowledge it and say okay I know what's happening right now I'm kind of moving from a 1 to that 4 space and I'm getting frustrated because either I'm not getting stuff done like I think or others aren't living up to my severe expectations and just recognize that that's what's happening number four get in touch with your feelings again you may kind of avoid your feelings it could be uncomfortable for you to recognize weaknesses in yourself or impulses within yourself but it's important for you to recognize them for what they are your feelings anger frustration just acknowledge it and say okay I'm feeling frustrated right now I'm feeling upset right now instead of thinking to yourself they're not doing their job bar think to yourself okay I'm getting frustrated right now because other people aren't taking this seemingly as seriously as I am just that distinction of recognizing what's going on can be helpful for you to sort out what needs to happen next number five your main weakness can be your self righteous anger it can distance you from the people that you care about and so if you want to be a good dad or a good mom or a good husband or a good wife or whatever ask yourself is it really good to push people away and isolate them with all of my frustration and anger at the end of the day is that really being good I mean think about back to that older brother in the prodigal son story was he good the that he was he a good example of what a loving brother is supposed to be number six allow people to be as they are and allow them to come to the decisions on their own people are broken you can guide you can encourage but people are gonna do what they want to do and often it's gonna be the wrong thing you can be there as a support or as an encouragement but you can't control their life we can't even sometimes seem like we can control our own lives number seven listen to others because they're often right you're listening to the critic in your head you're listening to your intuition but maybe listen to what other people are saying give them give them a minute to explain themselves remember that perfectionist Drive other people crazy number eight they drive you crazy you may be that kind of person in somebody else's life and you're pushing people away from you and you're not accepting people as they are in front of you and that perfectionistic tendency and you can just drive people nuts so that when you walk in the room they walk away and again is that a good relationship are you being good when you push people away from you number nine unhealthy ones tend to be obsessive in their thoughts and compulsive in their actions in other words they're obsessing on the way things need to be the way things ought to be I won't be able to go to sleep until all the spices are organized in my spice rack I won't be able to go to sleep until all these carpets are vacuumed again I won't be able to to rest until I get that car washed that's absurd that's a obsessive compulsive type behavior has to be done has to be done right now and I'm the only one knows how to do it right okay recognize that is compulsion and then let it pass and then say wait a minute this is one stuff I can go to I think I can rest I can go to bed I don't have to vacuum all the carpets again they're fine the way they are you don't have to act on these impulses but you need to recognize them for what they are their impulses and then you can separate yourself from it and relax number 10 remember that a person does not have to be perfect in order to be good nobody's perfect you're not perfect and if your standard is perfect then nobody is on your team and you're not on your team I think that you know ones teach us a lot at the end of the day about taking responsibility for ourselves trying to be our best selves but they also teach us that we all need grace we all need to give grace we need to show grace none of us live up to a perfect standard people are going to let you down people are going to fail you're gonna let yourself down you're gonna fail and when you can take a deep breath and you can say well thank you Lord for loving me anyway help me to love the people in my life that even though they mess up and get things wrong that's grace and you're at your best when you're gracious and when you're when you overlook imperfections you know the Bible says that love keeps no record of wrongs means you let it go and a one will give you a list of everything they've ever done wrong in their life and it plagues them and burdens them but here's the cool thing is God lets that list go and you can too with a little help a low healing a little work and a little letting go of yourself and a little patience well again if you guys want to like comment and subscribe I appreciate it you can get in touch with me my information is in the description how to get in touch with me I hope this video has been helpful to you like always be present to life don't let life pass you by because it doesn't live up to your expectations it could be better so I can't accept things the way they are be present to what is around you be present to life be a blessing to others and love the way you've been loved alright thank you guys and I'll catch you on the next video

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 21,136

Rating: 4.920228 out of 5

Keywords: enneagram, types, identity, meaning, purpose, love, personality, enneagram 1, enneagram one, enneagram type 1

Id: _3HS0t8JFNE

Length: 42min 58sec (2578 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 30 2019