The Enneagram: Help For Type 2

hey what's up YouTube family I'm glad that you joined me again for today's video and we're gonna talk about the Enneagram type - the helper the giver and it's gonna be a great study it's gonna be great information and I hope if you are - or you live with it - maybe you're raising it - or you're married to it - to give you some help and some helpful advice some encouragement for you twos are called the givers or the helpers and they are wonderful people who have made being nice and being kind into an art form they are people who just reflect love everywhere that's the whole thing is they just give praise and flattery and love and attention and affection and all that just comes natural to them relationships are natural - - to givers to helpers if they lean toward the wing one and they're a - wing one they I think are called the servant so they they want to do something helpful for you they want to take care of you they want to meet your needs and they want to do it in a right way because they have that one wing they want to do things properly and they want to be helpful but they also want to be seen as dependable people that you can count on people that are responsible if you're a - and you lean toward the three with the three wing you you want to help people but maybe you want to do it in a big way or a profound way you want to help people become better people so you're interested in improving the lives of people not so much just I need to serve you but I want to help you become a better you they I think the - wing three is called the host so they're very good at bringing people together including people and creating an atmosphere of love and encouragement where people feel welcome they tend to be a little more extroverted than the two wing one maybe a little more ambitious and a little bit more image conscious or competitive and being seen as successful is a close second to being seen as loving and kind twos are people that make communities into communities they don't mind being second in command they don't necessarily have to be the the dominant leader or the dominant voice in fact they may resist that it's not that they they won't lead in fact many toos are good leaders but they don't mind playing second fiddle you might say they want to often work behind the scenes to create a more loving caring nurturing environment for everybody sometimes twos can be taken advantage of because we let them take care of us we let them meet our needs and you know in fact that's what we applaud them for and so when they're busy running around doing dishes or folding laundry or cutting the grass or whatever it is they seem to be so happy doing it that we say oh well okay if that's what they enjoy doing and they're getting some kind of you know benefit from this then we'll just let them continue doing that now they may really want you to help them they may really appreciate your help in your attention but they probably won't ask for twos have a hard time asking for help or meeting addressing their own needs so they kind of ignore their own needs while focusing on all of yours and they got at that message early on in life that that they would only be really loveable if if they didn't have any personal needs of themselves and they were found pleasing to everybody else remember the twos threes and fours are in that shame category or that shame triad meaning that they're dealing with sense of personal shame and really the question the twos threes and fours are asking is a my lovable what is it about me that makes me a lovable person and twos you know sort of come up with the the plan or the idea that if I take care of all your needs and I meet all of your needs and I put you first and I don't have any needs myself but I'm just here to take care of you then that makes me a person that is a value that makes me a person that is loveable and you will then reciprocate that love for me so it's sort of a transaction that they're not maybe even aware of themselves if you are - you're probably not even aware of this you just feel the compulsion and that's what it is it's an impulse that when you see somebody you pick up immediately on whatever needs they might have I know a lot of tools that are they can walk into a room and to go to a party maybe like a Christmas house party or something and they're surrounded by family and they'll intuitively go around the room and they'll sense who has a need they just pick up on it like they have radar for that and they'll be drawn to that person that has a need and somebody like myself I go around the room and I'm talking to everybody and you know trying to show people look at this video I found look at this you know and a - will sit over in the corner with somebody that has a need and spend the whole night maybe spend the whole night just connecting with that person and just trying to be there for them to help meet that need so twos really have this you know gift you might say to pick up on who needs help who needs encouragement who needs assistance who needs some attention and then they often will give that attention and that's what makes them you want to be around them is you pick up that that person that this person cares about you and that they want to make your life better now that can sometimes kind of backfire because you know not everybody is used to getting that much attention and all of the sudden you know this this warm loving maybe attractive person you know just sits down and and makes over you and shows you this intense intention attention you know people might think that maybe you know you're attracted to them they might think that you know you are they're not maybe used to somebody pouring that much attention and affection on them and so they might get the wrong idea and think this person is is maybe flirting with me and that's not the twos intention at all is not to be flirting it's just they have a compulsion and a need to to be there for you and to provide assistance and help for you and in doing that you see they go to bed at night feeling like I matter I have purpose I met somebody's need I was there for somebody and therefore I'm a person of value I therefore I'm a person who is loveable because I loved somebody that needed extra attention twos can kind of you know have rescue missions they they it might be pets or stray cats or something like that but often it can be other people though they'll be maybe drawn to people that are you know down-and-out kind of lost no hope and a to doesn't want to give up on those people maybe everybody else says you know I'm not gonna spend any time with them they they're a downer and I don't want to give my energy to that but a - sometimes can feel compelled to seek that person out and listen to them and and give them attention and show them you know attention and try to help them in that in that state and then you know they go to bed at night feeling like they they made a difference that they were useful so like a one you know wants to go to bed at night feeling like they they were responsible and they did the right thing and they followed all the rules and they got their job done the two wants to go to bed at night saying I'm a good person not because maybe I accomplished all these tasks like a one but because I paid attention to somebody that needed help so good being good defined by it too is I was there for somebody I met somebody's need I wasn't selfish I didn't call attention to myself I showed attention to somebody else and in doing that they're meeting a need for themselves to feel valuable and to feel worthwhile and we applaud them for that and sometimes like I said sometimes we can maybe abuse that will let them take care of us when we could take care of ourselves you know we could maybe pick up our own mess or clean up our own mess but we'll let them do it because well it looks like they are enjoying that it looks like that that's what they want to do chances are though that that too person in your life would like you to recognize what they're doing even though they'd probably never say that they'd like for you to recognize what they're doing and show appreciation and say hey I see what you did for us you know you uh you went out and you you know wash the cars or you went out and you planted some flowers in the flower bed or you uh you spent some time with my mom and and I really appreciate that I really appreciate you going the extra mile and and and doing that for us and then when you say that to it too they'll probably minimize it and say oh it was nothing oh it was you know I was on my way and I was going past your mom's house anyway and it was no problem I was happy to do it then they might minimize what they did but on the inside there that they're looking maybe for that for that recognition that you acknowledge what they did and you appreciate what they did and are grateful for their service so when you think about interacting with it to realize that you know they're not a robot that just is wired to want to work all the time for somebody else they're a person with feelings in fact probably extra-large feelings they're in that feeling triad really what happens I think in a - is they they see a need they see somebody standing out in front of a grocery store let's say maybe like an old older person standing out in front of a grocery store looking a little lost where most of the evening ramp types would probably just walk by that person and think that's none of my business you know I've got grocery shopping I got to do and I don't know what that person is doing there but I'm sure you know there must be some reason and we just walk right past them the two feels a compulsion to approach them maybe and and begin a conversation and and say to them are you okay do you need some help can I help you in some way do you need me to call somebody for you and other people may not be ready for that I mean maybe the person doesn't need any help at all and they're taken aback by that and they think why are you meddling in my affairs maybe the older person is completely in their right mind waiting on somebody and they would think wait a minute now why are you meddling in my affair twos can often seem like they're meddling in people's business when when they're just trying to be helpful not everybody is looking for help and if you're close to a - in your in your life my wife is it - when you're close to a - in your life you know what I'm talking about is that they'll make friends with with strangers they'll see somebody who has a need somebody who's requires a little extra help somebody that might be a little slower and they're drawn to them they're drawn to them they want to be there to provide some kind of service or provide some kind of help you know these are the people that when when a when a friend is sick or when a friend is in the hospital these are the people that want to bake casseroles that want to get on the phone and call the friends and everybody bake for them and let's let's take them meals and let's take care of them this is an opportunity to show care and demonstrate love and what do they need let's help them let's meet those needs and in doing that I mean this is what we love about them but in doing that they're they're meeting in need of their own to feel like they are a person that is worthy of love after all look at what I've done for everybody look how I've helped people so I think as kids you know twos got the message somewhere along the way that just being themselves is not enough just existing is is not enough you have to be pleasing you have to be of service you have to be meeting needs you have to be taking care of us in order to really be a person of value that just being you is not not enough you need to be needed for some reason and so what that causes them to do is minimize their own needs if you go up to a two and you say what do you need you know they're so busy meeting everybody's needs that they don't think about what they need if you go to a two and you say hey well what do you need how can I help you they'll probably be taken aback and and not know how to respond and now this is kind of the shenanigan of the two is they pick up on everybody else's needs oh you need me to you need me to make a phone call for you you need me to help you with your homework do you need me to bake you something to eat do you need me to run you to the doctor's office and the and and they're so attuned to everybody's needs but they themselves don't feel permitted to have any needs and so when you ask them what they need they'll probably laugh it off and say oh I need a million dollars that's what I need oh I need to win the lottery oh I I need you know and so to be some kind of minimization of their needs because they've got the message that if they have needs then they're being selfish and of course that doesn't make any sense we're humans we we need air we need water we need food we need sleep we all have needs and we all need to be loved and valued and appreciated and wanted and it's not somehow less of a lesser of you to have the same needs as everybody else and to admit those needs in fact that's really when healing begins is when you say you know maybe I don't have to meet everybody's needs maybe other people can do for themselves maybe they want to do for themselves maybe they're offended when I step in and try to manage their needs for them maybe it's okay if I have needs too maybe it's okay if I let people know what I mean and so if you don't let people know what you need but you do have needs you're kind of setting yourself up for frustration aren't you because if you have a need maybe just a need for conversation or a need for affection or a need for assistance in some way with some job but you don't feel like you can ask others to help you but then you'll be frustrated with others when they don't other people may not realize this twos and other people are not twos so they don't pick up on needs if you look like and say that you want to do all of these things for people will often let you will back up and will say great go have at it I didn't want to sit at the doctor's office anyway go ahead and take jr. to the hospital take him to the doctor's office go ahead and we may not pick up on that you have expectations and when we don't and you're frustrated with us because we didn't offer assistance realize maybe we need you to say hey I need some help okay well now that I know that's a need because maybe I don't pick up on you know with my radar I don't pick up on everybody's needs so don't be afraid to to say to somebody if you're a - look I need help did you give me some help with this now that's gonna be very humbling for you and you're gonna feel shame when you do that you're gonna feel like oh boy I don't know if I can ask for help well isn't that isn't that kind of strange when you think about it you you look for people to help but have a hard time asking for help yourself so you know when you get on the airplane and it tells you to put on your own oxygen mask first before assisting others that's really kind of what two's need to learn is you got to take care of yourself it's not wrong for you to take care of yourself if you don't take care of yourself you're not gonna be there in the long game to be able to take care of others which is what you want to do so twos you know when they're in a place of health and they're in a place of security where do they move they move to a floor what if fours think about they think about what do I like you know the crowd likes tacos well I don't like tacos I like pizza right that's the way force thing force think if everybody likes this I've got to differentiate myself in some way and like something else well twos are so tuned in to what other people want and need that this is how they lose themselves they lose touch with what they want and what they need and so when twos go to a place of health they begin saying to themselves you know what do I like what makes me happy and they may not even know because you know for the last 10 years they've been listening to their kids playlists in the car they've been listening to their husband's playlist and so what kind of music do they like they've never thought about it maybe because they just like you like I I'm gonna be pleasing to you by liking what you like by enjoying what you enjoy well what do you want to do with your spare time you know what hobby do you want to begin maybe you want to start painting portraits or maybe you want to start a photography class or maybe you want to start you know some kind of collection of some kind maybe you want to start an aerobics class but c2s have a hard time getting in touch with what they want because they're so in tuned with what other people need and what the people around them need that they they fail to think about themselves and so this is kind of how they lose themselves is they lose their identity in being there for everybody else so they're drawn to the caring professions like nurses and teachers and you know anything to deal with people that have needs you know taking care of the elderly taking care of the disabled taking care of pets taking care of taking care of somebody taking care of something meeting people's needs receptionist you know being kind and friendly to people this is what they're this is what they're what they're good at how do twos what do twos what happens to them when they're unhealthy when they're in a place of insecurity when they're under stress well they move to the eighth the Challenger so here's a two who's very compliant they're their natural state is to be compliant and when they are under stress and they don't feel loved and they don't feel supported and they don't feel cared for and they feel like they're being taken advantage and their needs are not being met themselves even though they won't necessarily tell you what they need you will see it to an otherwise compliant caregiving nurturing to move often rather quickly to an eighth to a challenger well what's a challenger a challenger is an assertive type who looks you in the face and tells you what's wrong with you and where you need to change and sometimes you know this can be a little bit disconcerting you're you're around this person maybe your mom or your your husband and your wife or your kids that is so gentle so kind so compassionate and then they'll just lose it you know and it'll sound like something like you guys don't want to help I do all this laundry I do all these dishes I make these meals I go to work every day and then when I need help you won't you're not there to help me and you'll see them blow up snap turn into a challenger and all of a sudden get very assertive very direct very straightforward and everybody just backs up and says oh my goodness you know dad's lost his mind oh my goodness mom's lost your mind snicker giggle you know everybody just kind of and then of course how does the two feel about that well they feel ashamed you know they feel like oh I really lost it you know um so but you know all of us I'm glad that twos are able to go there they think of that that number of stress which for the two is the eight is kind of like your steam valve you've got to have that there's no way that anybody can be as loving and as kind and as gracious as you guys try to be you can't sustain that put it this way people are terrible sometimes all of us are and you're dealing with terrible people maybe you love them okay but everybody gets on your nerves at times there's no way you can possibly be smiling and gracious and kind and meet everybody's needs all the time you just can't there's gonna be times when because you're around people that just drain you and demand so much out of you that you're just gonna lose your mind and when you do that the steam blows off you've got to go to eight sometimes you just have to because you got to let all that steam out you got to let all that toxic garbage out so that you can get some relief so that you can you know say what needs to be said you've been holding it all in and now it just you know comes out and and it needs to but maybe you don't need to let it get to that point if maybe you could let your needs be known ahead of time you know before you're under that much stress maybe you wouldn't have to maybe you wouldn't have to to go to such an eight I guess we could say so to s avoid their own needs they have the fear of being unworthy they feel a deep sense of shame but you know shame is something that we should feel I know it's not popular in our culture but I mean we all have done wrong we've all done things that we shouldn't do and what do you feel when you do things you shouldn't do shame so shame after all is what leads us to healing you know shame is what makes us say oh yeah I need help I need a Savior I need assistance but see twos don't want to feel that chain and so as long as they keep the attention on you and your needs and what you want and how they can help you then they can avoid feeling that sense of shame and really you know what's the sin of the two it's pride and I know that's Minh you're new to the intagram you hear this for twos and you're like how how is that pride I mean they're so helpful they don't seem probably even very humble but see when when you think about it a two is saying I'm here to help you I don't have needs I'm fine you're the one that has needs without me where would you be oh you'd be a mess you'd be a wreck if it wasn't for me if I wasn't there to take care of you what would happen to you you'd be lost and see there's the pride is I'm here and and you're here I'm here to serve you I have the apron on i I'm here to support and take care of you because you're so needy but me I'm not needy I'm content I'm fine I'm happy maybe they say it like this arm so they like grit their teeth you know and I don't have any needs I'm fine I don't need anything but so that that pride sometimes can keep the two from seeing that you also have needs you also need others to take care of you sometimes when they're really unhealthy a--to can kind of adopt that martyr complex you know I'm selflessly serving and doing for others who don't appreciate me and this often can drive twos to show more attention to outsiders than insiders what do I mean by that well when you meet somebody new and you make your connection with somebody and twos are all about making connections when you make a connection with somebody new that can feel like a rush it can feel like a flush of excitement like hey this person you know this is a new relationship and they they value me and and and they seem to be helped by me and they seem to to be thankful and grateful for all the attention that I'm showing them not like you guys that I live with you guys take me for granted you guys ignore all of my my my caregiving you don't thank me you don't seem to pay attention to me you don't seem to care that I'm doing all this work for you but these other people on the outside you know they're very grateful and so like the worst image I can think of to illustrate this is imagine that if you're a to you you decide that for Christmas this year or Thanksgiving we need to our whole family needs to go down to the homeless shelter and feed the homeless that's a great thing right I mean who can argue with that that's that's super but remember everybody else in your family maybe they're not twos so they don't have that same value that we need to go help and take care of people they should okay they should but maybe they don't maybe all they're thinking about is we want to have you know Christmas at home or Thanksgiving at home we want to be with our family we want to play video games we want to you know run around the house and open presents and pet the dog and whatever which is all good stuff too but so the two dad or the two mom or the two grandma or whatever says well I'm going to the homeless shelter I don't know about the rest of you now what they're doing as a two is you're acting on your impulse your need to remove your shame by serving and helping the less fortunate the vulgarians out there that need you to provide assistance to them and so imagine a dad or a mom missing Thanksgiving with their family missing Christmas with their family to volunteer to help strangers instead or shaming which is the world of twos threes and fours shaming everybody in the family to go do what they don't want to do because it's your value as a - to take care of the needs of others and so you might miss being present to your own life because you're acting on an impulse to remove your shame by helping others and the intagram if it teaches us anything it teaches us to learn to be present to life as it is and this is how to's gets get lost is in their need and compulsion to take care of others and to feel like they're a person of value by caring for others they forget that they're valuable just for who they are just because you're a part of the family just because you're on the team just because you're a part of the organization you are a person of value regardless of what you do for us you are valuable and worthy and lovable not because of what you do or what you've done for us but simply because you exist that's hard for a to to understand who am i if I'm not needed what I what I wouldn't would I really be wanted if I'm not needed and yes you are you are wanted even if you were to become disabled and you can't do for others anymore like you've been able to do in the past we're still gonna love you we're still gonna care for you you're still going to be a person of value if you chopped off your arms chopped off your legs and there's just your body and your head and that's all you are you're still you you don't miss or lose who you are simply because you're not able to do like you would like to be able to do for others and it's our shame that really leads us to the cross at the end of the day so who's some twos in popular culture I think Ann Perkins on parks and recreation is it - maybe Pam Bea's Beasley on the office Hagrid on Harry Potter Richard Simmons mrs. Potts on Beauty and the Beast maybe Marie Barone on Everybody Loves Raymond in fact maybe Ray's wife Deborah still though she's kind of an angry - it's kind of a - at 8 all the time let's see what else do I want to say healing begins when you can say maybe somebody else could do this job maybe the other person is actually already showing love to me in their own way maybe I could do something good for myself too let's see I know there's a a list that I have for you that I got from this book understanding the Enneagram by Don Richard Reese oh good one of the things that's very helpful about this book is he gives you a list of ten things you know that you ought to think of in terms of moving toward health and so I want to read those ten things to you or cover those ten things with you real quick okay well I'm just looking at my notes here before I get to that those ten things something that would help it to is just to learn to consent to solitude okay we all of us need silence and solitude in our lives we need contemplation in our lives and stillness silent solitude and stillness solitude is about getting away from everybody else right so if a - if you're wired to find your identity and your value and meeting needs of other people or helping other people what happens when all those other people are gone well then who are you if there's nobody to help then who are you now you see then that's the point is you're still the same person of value whether there's anybody that needs your help or not so if you could consent to some solitude in your life and just get away from everybody for just a few minutes maybe 15 minutes a day just be by yourself and remind yourself even though I'm not helping anybody right now even though I'm not meeting anybody's needs right now even though I'm not making a connection with with somebody right now I'm still a person of value I'm still lovable I still have purpose that can be very helpful for it too this allows you to be filled with love unconditional love which think about it if you're a two and you need to be loved by others as we all do and your meeting needs and making connections in order to meet a need in your own life is that really unconditional in other words if all this attention and affection and help that you're showing others is in a sense done so that it will be reciprocated in other words you'll feel valued and you will feel valuable and you will feel connected it's not really unconditional unconditional love is when I take care of you with no thought as to what I receive back in response it's it's I don't care whether you acknowledge it or don't acknowledge it I don't need to feel anything I'm just so filled with love that I just pour it out without any thought as to whether or not it's your responding to me appropriately okay so here's some recommendations for type twos number one if you're not addressing your own needs it's highly unlikely that you'll be able to meet everybody else's needs without you know stress in your life without problems in other words you're bound to go to eight if you don't take care of yourself you got to move to four or you will move to eight okay let's say it like that you must take care of yourself before trying to attend to everybody else's needs it's not selfish of you to take some time for yourself and say I just need I need to go for a walk I need to just listen to a playlist I need to just sit down and read a book it's not selfish of you to take time for yourself okay number two try to be conscious of your own motives when you decide to help somebody before you pour out all of your attention and your affection and your whatever on another person it's an admirable trait to want to help people be aware that there may be some unspoken expectations in your heart that maybe you haven't necessarily formulated in your mind but recognize that they might be there are you expecting the other person to appreciate your service are you expecting other people who see you being of service and being helped to appreciate and maybe to learn a lesson from watching you then are you really serving the person if you're doing this for some other reason see that's the whole thing right okay because why your loved ones and strangers who ever will almost never reciprocate your expectations fully you're setting yourself up to be frustrated okay if you do something for another person and you're expecting in some way to feel something or to receive something back in some spoken or unspoken way your your Verte you're almost always setting yourself up to be frustrated upset hurt and angry okay number three if you're going to help someone maybe ask them what they need first ask them if they want your help ask them if they need help ask them to identify where they need help and if they say no thank you just accept that and say okay well they don't seem to they're not rejecting me just because they don't want my help because I know I think I know how to's are wired in that they think obviously you need help look at you just look at you obviously you need my help and the fact that you won't ask for my help or receive my help means in some way you're rejecting me and so then they feel that sense of shame which is what they don't want to feel they don't want to feel that shame and you're making me feel that shame because you won't accept my help you won't acknowledge my your need for my help but when somebody says no thanks I've got this don't take that as a rejection just say okay well maybe they don't want my help right now and that's fine the way I can help them is to not be of help to them okay number four resist the temptation to call attention to yourself and to your good works your kindness is reward in itself okay just go to bed at night feeling like hey I helped somebody I made a difference and I feel good about that and that's great that's great number five resist the temptation to always be doing something for other people don't try to get people to love you by giving them undeserved praised unnecessary attention or unnecessary service so when you feel that impulse to pour out and help and all that just process it first it's an impulse okay and so disassociate yourself from that impulse for a second and say I don't have to rush in right now and offer assistance to this person I can but I need to make a choice to decide to do that not just impulse to do it number six it's exciting to make new friends and to want to enjoy their company it's exciting to feel that rush of a new relationship but be careful about neglecting the people that are most important to you okay so we came back to that analogy of missing Christmas to go to the you know a homeless shelter there's a lot of people that already depend on you and I know you can get frustrated with them because they don't seem to appreciate it alright so make sure you take care and another thing make sure that you are aware of what the other person in your life what what their needs are and and be careful about putting your own needs ahead of ahead of theirs okay your own need to be helpful to strangers okay like for the Christmas missing Christmas you know your need to be of help to these strangers is greater than okay number six number seven beware of your tendency to look for specific signs of affection from others because probably in your head you're thinking if they really cared then they would dot dot what I don't know then they would say thank you then they would that you're probably looking for some specific they would they would they would they would come alongside of me and they would help me or they would come alongside of me and say thank you or they would come alongside of me and now remember like if for example if you're if you have a husband that's a five his way of connecting with you is by sharing information or if you have a husband that's an eight or a wife that's an eight their way of connecting is by bantering and arguing with you and here you are - you know your way of connecting is by offering service and being helpful when they don't respond by offering service and being helpful to you you're gonna think they're not loving you after all why are they arguing with me well if they're an eight they're arguing with you because they love you I know it can be a little confusing sometimes so be careful about looking for some kind of specific signs that this person cares about me because they do such-and-such okay because you're probably going to get frustrated when they don't respond the way you would like them to number eight do not be overly possessive of your friends you know real love is endless so share your friends and your family and everybody else with others don't feel like you have to be the spider at the center of the web and everybody's connected to you and we can't have Thanksgiving if you're not in the center of the web you know and everybody needs to depend on you just let everybody mingle with everybody and don't feel like everybody has to be connected to you the most share your friends with everybody your love will never run out okay if it's true love it'll never run out and their love for you will never run out they could give their love to everybody else they still love you even if they're not your quote-unquote special friend and often twos want their friend to be their special friend okay number nine beware of rescue missions your oversized heart is gonna lead you maybe to get entangled with people that are not safe okay you're drawn to the down and outers you're drawn to the people that are broken all right I know we're all broken but some of those broken people can be dangerous you know you see the stray dog on the street and you want to take him in because you have a big heart that dog might be dangerous I know he's loving and playful and you know we'll eat the Bologna out of your hand and all that and it's all warm and fuzzy and kind but then you get him in the house that dog could be dangerous you don't know anything about that dog okay and if you're a two you see these rescue missions walking along the street and you feel compelled to help be careful about taking them into your home so to speak bringing them into your big heart and sharing your big heart with them because they could be dangerous you're tempted to fix people to help people but no matter how big your heart is and no matter how helpful your help is you can't really fix people you can't change people I know you feel like you can if you just could meet their needs if you could just give them all of your attention and affection you could fix them but you can't people have to fix themselves a lot of time alone with God a lot of time in the company of supportive people people have to take responsibility for their own lives and there's plenty of people out there that will let you take responsibility for their lives for them but that's just enabling people that's not really helping them okay the last one number 10 to love people selflessly is an extraordinary achievement when you love others unselfish you'll unselfishly they will be drawn to you okay when you just love people they're drawn to you but to really love them selflessly means you don't require them to respond to you in a certain way and you're not mad and frustrated with them when they don't it's not really love if the focus is on getting something back for yourself so what do we learn all of us all of us are broken and all of us are to some degree helpless and if it wasn't for God if it wasn't for our our family and the people in our life that God's put in our life to to take care of us you know whether we would we'd be a mess and twos let me say this last thing to you there's nothing you can do that could make God need you okay but he wants he wants you he wants to be in your life he wants you to be a part of the team okay he wants you on the team just because it's who you are not because of what you've done not because of how helpful you are not because of how kind you are how nice you are because truth be told is you're not always nice you're not always kind there's times when you have your moments of weakness too right and yet you're still loved and yet you're still worthy and like you're still a person of value in spite of all that and when you can be present to life and love people and not have to be compelled to help them all the time just love them for who they are then you're growing and you're you're learning God's grace in your own life all right as always guys thank you like comment and subscribe and if you want to get in touch with me my information is in the description how to do that and be present to life don't let life pass you by simply because your impulse by your personality to act in certain ways be real be genuine if you have a need speak up share that need there's people in your life that love you share that need with others and then just love people without any expectations alright I'll see you guys next time

Channel: Dr. Tom LaHue

Views: 21,496

Rating: 4.9335179 out of 5

Keywords: enneagram, types, identity, meaning, purpose, love, personality, enneagram 2, enneagram two, enneagram type 2

Id: Rk-2rd__t9c

Length: 47min 34sec (2854 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 30 2019