The Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts: Muhammad Ali - Season 1 Episode 12 (2/19/76)

[Music] the dean martin celebrity roast coming to you from the mgm grand hotel in the entertainment capital of the world las vegas nevada the glittering city of excitement and laughter provides the scintillating backdrop for tonight's star-studded rose ladies and gentlemen from the ziegfeld room of the grand hotel some of the world's greatest entertainers are here tonight as dean martin honors our man of the hour muhammad ali with tonight's guest howard costell orson welles teddy friends gabe kaplan tony orlando gene kelly isabel sanford wilke chamberlain sherman hemsley red button rocky graziano georgia angle lord patterson foster brooks lipsy russell herbert mohammed and your roastmaster dean martin with tonight's very special man of the hour mohammed ali whenever you see this guy he's always yelling either greatest are the greatest now lots of people don't agree like joe frazier ken norton and a cocktail waitress in cleveland [Music] i think he's a great fighter a great wit and a great humanitarian i say that out of respect out of esteem and out of fear [Music] no one can deny that he's a great fighter he's got all the equipment great body great legs and he's got a 21 inch reach and that's just his tongue [Music] you hit me all flattening out i'll call frank and mr freddie thank you thank you dean hello champ i'm very proud to be here because uh as a kid growing up in spanish harlem i used to watch muhammad ali on tv all the time which was hard to do while two guys were carrying it out the window [Music] muhammad ali he's i like him because he's a very moral man he doesn't smoke doesn't drink doesn't gamble doesn't go running around with wild women if i did that i could beat up everybody too and he's a god-fearing man it's nice to know he's afraid of somebody see but muhammad ali showed all us kids that it was possible for a poor boy to get out of the ghetto and that's what my mother always wanted for me she would say to me freddie what's the matter with you don't who wanted to be a doctor of my name but it's difficult to make a house call to a burning house well she would say freddy be a dentist there's plenty of teeth in the neighborhood and she was right they were over there over there anyway what's the big deal about going to college to learn how to be something especially with today's job situation what do you need college for so you can hold a better conversation in the unemployment line so you can say to the cashier may i have my weekly benefits instead of give me my money sucker why i was fascinated by a man like ali you know because he got out of poverty with his fists so i said to myself why couldn't i everybody told me i had fast exciting hands hands that could penetrate any defense and do a magnificent job if you don't believe me ask conchita louella shirley shirley silberg she was a social worker she did the best work and she was social there's a difference between a black fighter and a puerto rican fighter like a black fighter come up to you all right chump look out here i'll come show me your best stuff puerto rican fight just come out okay man see but but having ali is my idol and uh i gave up the idea of being a fighter though i did you know because uh a champ i'll tell you why in your own poetic way i thought i would take up fighting to win my fortune in fame i thought i could whop them other cats and be tops in the fighting game so i showed my stuff to my buddies and this is what they saw i was fighting just like ali but i did it like ali mcgraw looking good thank you anyway i really can relate to being here tonight because i have a history of boxers in my family first of all it was my uncle slapsie maxie kaplan you know a lot of fighters train on stakes my uncle ate nothing but pickle harry he couldn't box but he knocked out his opponents with his breath we're talking about boxes we have a lot of greats here tonight we have floyd patterson floyd is the first man to regain the heavyweight championship some people say that floyd couldn't take a punch well i don't know about that but the corning glass company is bidding on his chin the second man to regain the heavyweight championship was muhammad ali mohammed i took a poll in the lobby of this hotel just before this roast and people here hope that you retain that heavyweight championship belt for a long time [Applause] there is one condition though that you agree to wear it over your mouth and listen mohammed your poetry i mean enough already this is the only man here whoever made rod mcewen throw up mohammed is always saying that he's pretty i mean anybody would look pretty if the only man you ever stood next to a howard coast selling joe frazier but this is a man who never forgets his beginnings muhammad ali in the men's room of this hotel today he gave his cousin a dollar tip but at least he's playing it safe with his money i was talking to mohammed's chief financial advisor joe lewis and they have great plans for muhammad's money they're going to invest in a chain of howard cosell charm schools i'd like to close muhammad with a little home and you'll excuse me if the style sounds a little familiar tonight we're roasting the greatest fighter live people say different things about ali some of them are really jive i'm going to tell you something that i don't know if you knew he gets to his people but it gives to other people too so i'm gonna say this right now as loud as i can sitting right over here is a mighty big man yeah why are they giving this man a roast when some of the greatest black people in the history of the world never got a dinner that's right when they never got a dinner [Applause] sidney poitier who once said the lester maddox guess who's not coming to dinner got a dinner george foreman who set for the referee during the ali fight i think he's got a razor christmas addicts the black revolutionary war hero who said at the battle of bunker hill don't fire till you see the whites will chamberlain's mother who once said kids don't look up to their parents anymore yes justice thurgood marshall who said when he was appointed to the supreme court he had come to judge jemima who once said these hot cakes are selling like hot cakes uncle remus who once said to uncle ben you're a credit to your rice [Music] baby said when she was invited to the white house i'll sing and i'll dance but i don't do windows got a dinner and certainly one of the greatest blacks of all time shirley temple black out of dinner but as ambassador to ghana she could be to dinner [Applause] a fine young singer and a great pal of the champs mr tony orlando you can't go on fighting forever muhammad i mean let's face it you're not sonny and share matter of fact he's slow enterprising muhammad one night he called freddie and i freddie prince with the house remember this one freddie calls up always creating a new business idea in case it's all over and he says tony i got it me and freddie are going into a soap detergent business we're gonna call it and shine you told me backstage that uh you wanted to make halloween a legal black holiday he did he told me that he said after all it's the only night of the year that the spooks come out to chase the honkeys this is all in good fun muhammad don't hold this against me actually good luck champ because you are without a doubt the greatest fighter since casa's clay over the years muhammad ali has taken on every heavyweight challenger except one and that fighter is here with us tonight ladies and gentlemen the beast of bayonne the great white hope billy boom boom [Applause] berkowitz i'll show you schedule this body what do you think of it tell me the truth what do you think of this body [Applause] last time i saw anything like that my dog was burying it howard you've been over avoiding me for years you get a five million dollar fight there i can't get a fifty dollar poland [Music] all you give me is her promises you're all her talk talk that's what i talk when they built your mouthpiece they made the mold from the holland tunnel that was mr charlie will chamberlain our next guest is an athlete who holds all kinds of scoring records and some of them in basketball come on up here wilt or whatever pleases you [Music] they don't have me up here because they weren't someone that was tall dark and handsome they've got someone a lot darker [Music] most people don't realize that you had a physical handicap when you were born did you know that muhammad was a girl one of favorite people and one of the nicest ladies i know is georgia engel the mary tyler moore show georgia is so kind and considerate that she leaves a nightlight on for burglars [Music] [Applause] no you you can call me by my first name all right what is it whenever i do these roasts the producer supplies me with some rough zingers to say about the guests here on the dais so here i am again once again with some more wraps slams put down sticks and a couple of rimshot hits okay my first zinger i'm glad to see howard cosell here howard recently had his own television variety show the rating was so low only the gophers were watching that was a terrible thing to say i think i think the only reason you didn't make it was because of the opposition unfortunately both of the other networks had a show on at the same time of course dean martin is here as always don't you like that handkerchief in his breast pocket it used to be white until he rubbed his eyes with it that was terrible i don't think your eyes are wet because i never really seen them open it's nice to see my friend tony orlando here tonight the way tony sings dances and does comedy they should change the name of his act to yawn and dawn it really doesn't matter that you don't have much talent you're a star and now we come to our guest of honor muhammad ali i wouldn't say that ali has an ego problem but he's the only person i know who has exact ways retouched that really wasn't nice i'm sorry um you have a right to be conceited you're the greatest why in fact you told me that if you weren't a fighter you'd be a contortionist so you could die in your own arms i haven't offended anyone that's it for the zingers muhammad ali's record in the ring is loaded with impressive words his recent knockout of joe frazier in manila was one of the most exciting fights of this decade and many sports writers have written it up well in glowing terms here with us tonight is one of those writers who covered this bout he's from the louisville courier ladies and gentlemen mr bill crystal [Applause] thank you mr martin you're absolutely right when you say that the manila fight was one of the greatest fights in history but it wasn't perfect ali this was missing hello once again everyone howard kosel coming to you we are coming to you live via satellite from manila to the philippines pearl of the south pacific muhammad come angelo get muhammad over here [Music] here he is now muhammad ali muhammad frazier was incredible how'd you feel about the contest everybody's talking about joel fraser don't talk about it how that's a lot of nonsense i'm still so fast and you know i'm so pretty i'm so fast i can turn out the lights in my bedroom be in the bed before the room gets dark in retrospect looking back there is only one ali there can never be another he is singularly ali solely ali that's the fact that makes him great the fact that there is only one ali numero uno there is little i can say about this man that he has not already said himself floyd patterson was always considered one of the smartest fighters in the business he knew that if you were going to fight guys like ali you needed two things a good right cross and the phone number for blue cross ladies and gentlemen a great champion floyd patterson [Applause] thank you dean it's good to be standing here because whether he likes it or not the champ has to look up to me [Music] i'm sure he invested his purses wisely by buying stock bonds and real estate but by now he must be interested in the bakery business because no fighter has ever had as much experience with cream puffs if he doesn't challenge me soon you'll have to invest in chicken delight i suppose my biggest mistake was not taking the champ seriously when i signed to fight him all i heard about him was he danced around the ring spouting poetry he kept saying i'm gonna whoop you whoop you whip you i said that's whip whip whip don't mind if you're brutal but don't be illiterate champ always says he's the greatest but he never finishes that statement if you listen to him long enough you can fill in the blanks yourself thanks floyd and after the show i'd uh love to have you stop in my dressing room i'll show you what it's like to have a real championship belt [Music] and jim here he is oh mighty mouth my pal humble howard koh sal thank you dino it's somehow right you got to call me dina the sudden resort to vocal truculence hardly becomes unique i never drove a truck in my life you know my friend it suddenly occurred to me that you and i could do a little dance act do it together the next time you play this hotel we could call it a tantalizing tandem of toe tapping terp sakori i can just see our names on the marquee humble and stumble [Music] i have admired this man ever since that fateful evening in lewiston maine when he he stopped that fearsome black specimen sunny listen like a black panther don't call him blind sit down [Music] what you want me to do call you a white tornado [Music] suddenly it was all over in less than one round the invisible punch the referee not able to kill it was jersey joel walcott he went up to 24 and that fleischer told him the fight was over the only thing that went down faster than liston that night was the ratings on my saturday night varieties many of you have criticized ali's performance in the ring but he has every right to say i am the greatest what other fighter has a heartbeat of 50 per minute and a mouth beat of 280. muhammad i don't care what any of these detractors have to say if i was shipwrecked on a desert island and i could pick one man to have as my companion i'd pick you on a desert island you need a mann friday [Applause] talks about you everybody wants to see me do something to you right [Music] i want your lawyers to sue me i don't want a tv company to sue me but i've been waiting you're always saying mohammed you're not the same man you was years ago show the people now show the american public you're not the same you wasn't two years ago you want to know the truth i found him when he was a little black kid in louisville stealing bikes i made him what he is that's it no fighter practices more and harder than our honored guest we have with us tonight the person who helps hone this great fighting machine to a keen edge ladies and gentlemen muhammad ali's sparring partner ko kelly [Music] your ko kelly no i'm his girlfriend [Music] oh i'm on to you you boozer i wasn't born yesterday i know you couldn't get that ugly in 24 hours just hold it down everybody i didn't come here to banter with this bar fly just sit down and find your own business there's something i want to say to this bronze bully this and jive turkey the man ruined my life every time my boyfriend comes over after boxing with him he's so tired doing the shuffle with ali he can't do the hustle with me he starts out in the morning skipping rope and then at night he skips me never forget when i first met k.o kelly he was fighting three rounders in the preliminaries but we took one look at each other and decided to skip the preliminaries everything was wonderful until he became ali's sparring partner then workouts all the time day and night night and day even in the back seat of the jeep he never laid a glove on me ollie always made fun of my boyfriend just because his hair is turning gray it doesn't mean you have to call him whitey i just begged him to quit i talk and i talk and i talk until i'm black in the face but you wouldn't know what that means you know before i sit down i gotta say one thing it's all your fault and if you want to make something of it i want you to meet me out in the parking lot and we'll have it out man to me [Applause] ready hmm that was the fabric ruth buzzy so [Music] ladies and gentlemen one of hollywood's truly great talents actor dancer singer director superstar mr jean kelly [Applause] thank you dean your introduction to me was very nice it may not have been hilarious but at least you knew who i was ali you're truly a magnificent fighter and i can say this because i've seen some of the great ones the unforgettable joe lewis billy khan fight the knock down dragomat rocky graziano tony's ale fight and probably the bloodiest of them all the classic battle between sonny and share [Music] i suppose the reason that fighters in general and you in particular have always appealed to me is because in every great fighter i visualize a dancing master with tony galento it was the beer barrel polka with you it's the alley shuffle and anyone who's ever paid a hundred dollars to see you fight knows you're great at the hustle as much as i respect you as a fighter i respect you more as a human being because i'll never forget the time when you held that press conference in beverly hills and i brought my two children bridget and tim down there because they wanted to meet you and although a lot of reporters were bombarding you surrounding you and asking you questions you stopped everything and held a private little quiet session with my two kids and neither i nor my children will ever forget your warmth and your tenants now ladies and gentlemen [Applause] the stars of the jeffersons sherman hensley and isabelle sandcard thank you dean oh that's all right i hope anybody's going to thank demar and i'll do it oh all right go ahead but who wants to thank that turkey you want to step out in the alley alley too bad you're not more like muhammad ali look at him tall handsome and he has the manners of a gentleman big deal it so happens that i have the manners of a gentleman really what gentlemen do they belong to we will sell this once and for all stand up to him stand up jump what you gonna do no you lucky i can't stand the sight of blood especially your own blood ladies and gentlemen at 170 pounds and still a champ and boy i love this man he italian too rocky graziano we've got so much of common mohammed i read a book you read a book of course my book was wrote before yours [Music] my book was called somebody up there likes me they made a movie from it with paul newman i could have done the part you know but i wanted to give that paul newman a break it's real literature to me when they list the literary men awake on the paper your name will be there with all the other great litterers rocky you are beautiful but the book wasn't rotten it was rotten [Music] with us tonight is the trainer and bodybuilding genius who made the champ what he is today let's give a warm welcome to foster brooks [Applause] it's amazing he's a fighter and you have the alcohol rub the first thing i did to build up muhammad mohammed mom and almond you know this brown clown here the first thing i did was to change my hammer's diet he was he was here he he was eating collard greens but that's what colored folks eat i filled this plum little body with wheat germ and when i ran out of wheat germ i gave him diseased wheat after i built his body i had to eat i had i had beauty to eat him the famous ali shuffle how to move around the ring how to dance you know these people they haven't any rhythm [Music] before i change the champ into a super great jewish super fighter yesterday he he was he was a different man he was young inexperienced a 97 pound weekly and oh yes one other thing he he was white when i changed the man i go all the way all the way all over [Applause] our next guest is the brilliant orson welles who will ever forget that scary radio show he did it drove thousands of people into the streets screaming the last time i heard such screaming was the night howard cosell walked into the casino of the mgm grand without his hair piece [Music] i thought i was getting laughs these two guys were getting them my good pal and a genius and when i say a genius i mean i mean a genius if there ever was one mr orson well [Applause] i'm most grateful for that very eloquent and laudatory introduction it's just a pity you're not here to enjoy it [Music] on this solemn occasion for justice once there's no real chance for muhammad ali to blow his own horn and therefore since he can't be the honker i will be the honkey [Music] did not come here to bury this sepia caesar but to praise him on the other hand every time he opens his mouth he buries himself so muhammad muhammad ali the author seriously the the diversifier the poet that i'd like to speak and i'm sure that dean is vitally interested in that aspect of muhammad's versatility aren't you dean [Music] don't fade innocence of the poetic art dean for once tonight drop your facade [Music] on all these people not on the family hour no no not surely surely dean you're stirred by the names of shelly keats and byron well do the name ruby beguna ring a bell never mind i didn't come in to talk sense with you nor have i come to discuss the literary quality of the poetry written by this colorful creator of cacophonous couplets amazing those kkk sounds turned nipsy russell two shades whiter mr nixon they've all told you and rhyme how he wins every time he's the greatest to ever take the cup well if he can float like a butterfly and sting like a bee why can't he imitate a clam and shut up [Music] we are roasting tonight the most illustrious the most magnificent superhuman on the planet earth he is really a big man in every respect big reputation and big in size if you wanted to appreciate our big years we were in the casino there was a little white fella there gambling he had 21 and was scared to say blackjack [Music] the dealer said what you got he said gin but he's a peaceful man i just hope he won't turn around and hit howard cosell he's ugly enough already i uh i i guess i don't have to tell you how beautiful he is but i can tell he was backstage with the looking glass in his hand he said mirror mirror in my hand who is the fairest in this land cosell leaned over and said it's still snow white baby don't you forget it [Applause] baby you can get rich if you find the doctor that delivered you i guarantee you've got a great malpractice case she said mr when i'm near you i just get so flustered and so bothered he said you may be flustered baby but you won't be bothered tony orlando we heard your jokes and we've heard you sing and we're gonna tie that yellow ribbon around your mouth freddy friends they look alike freddy and tony i guess they all look alike too don't you freddie not only looks great in this tuxedo but on the way to the desk tonight he made 15 tips waiting on the table on his wedding night here he got married over caesar's palace he asked to see the puerto rican bridal sweet and they led him to the kitchen freddie was mad when he didn't push the guy because you see puerto ricans don't like to fight just one man see when you fight one man you can only cut one way they like to fight in a group where everywhere you throw your blades you get somebody that's all right freddie the mexicans don't want you but we'll take you ain't with a spec twinner speaking of spook you know that whatever the fighting of gay kaplan show come back carter i thought it was about a convict you see where i live when we tell a guy welcome back there's only one place he's been they say he's a jew but with that afro hair dude there's a watermelon in your future somewhere coastel did one thing that has made all black people happy he was born white but we are talking tonight about i guess the most agile technician in the pugilistic history hail to thee mohammed ali you're a universal star mohammed means enlightened leader and that's exactly what you are [Applause] now it's time for the ko punch here's our man of the hour the heavyweight champion of the world ladies and gentlemen mr muhammad ali thank you some comedians up here i've heard of guys throwing fights i'm sure you all have heard about guys that throw fights but this is the first time that i've seen anybody throw a roast and isabel sanford and sherman hemsley the way he was scrabbling and scrambling you were almost as bad as white folks and floyd patterson you know when i fought you man i almost put you to sleep with that stuff you talking tonight you almost put me to sleep and you you are intelligent you two fighters intelligent most boxers couldn't even read what y'all read i'll watch y'all no kidding you get george foreman or joe phrase you're kidding no no pretty good [Music] and you you're great you are really great i mean you come here you coming high and you still can make it look good [Music] it don't seem like a man would have a big television show like this and such a world figure nice looking and he don't care nothing about these shows he don't care about the strips he came in and said hey how are you feeling i'm not so fine all right got your thing down see you all right i'm going yeah john he's serious but everybody's got some type talent cosell we've we've made it either been great uh good looks personality or connections or some type of influence but you are living proof that you don't need nothing to make [Music] so [Music] you

Channel: Shout! Factory

Views: 639,421

Rating: 4.7595992 out of 5

Keywords: muhammad ali, Shout Factory, full episode, dean martin celebrity roast, Howard Cosell, Wilt Chamberlain, dean martin, HD, Sherman Hemsley, Shout, DVD, hollywood, Nipsey Russell, Blu-ray, TV, Movie, classic, cult, brand, Orsen Welles, shout factory tv, Gabe Kaplan, Tony Orlando, celebrity, roast, laughter, ali, floyd patterson, comedy, comics, legend, freddie freeman, streaming, shout tv

Id: zcvuQ9YPzhM

Length: 52min 38sec (3158 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 21 2020