The Dating Game

judges chapter 14 I have no idea how that's gonna go judge shot 14 how y'all doing Tessa mines good to see you in church I saw ya I saw you at the club so it was good to see see in church you see in church judges 14 beginning their verse 1 hmm let me pray I got to get that off me this song so good father thank you so much for this time thank you for your word your word says at the entrance of your word you give light give us light today give us help give us hope we pray in Jesus name Amen god bless every one of the brothers and sisters at the DC jail and thank God for everybody tune in wherever you listening to this your radio broadcast wherever you may be right now we're excited to connect with you judges chapter 14 beginning in verse 1 says one day robbery one day when Samson was in Timna one of the Philistine women caught his eye verse 2 when he returned home he told his father mother a young Philistine woman in Timna caught my eye I want to marry her get her for me that's pretty strategic yes his father and mother objected isn't there even one woman in your tribe or among all the Israelites you can marry how about somebody around here it's you no thanks that's mine I didn't know what must you go to the pagan for listings to find a wife uh-huh let me read but Samson told his father get her from me she looks good to me by the way for the record he did marry her and the and the marriage lasted one day read the story one day by the next day he moved back in with his parents at the fair there to fight an argument it was you should read judges 14 and 15 it's really cool he's my subject today I'm gonna talk to you from this subject today what married people wished they had heard before they got married I'm in the house huh yeah there's some things you wish you had heard before you did what you did how many would agree with that you can see don't you named that you named that you ain't gonna stay she wish she had this information ahead of time when I look at what Samson did and how he saw this woman and said I want to marry her and married her it's so shallow is shocking but then I thought about all of us who had the same experience the first day the first day I laid eyes on her yawn or otama the first time the first [Music] I knew that was the one shorty when I first it happens it would I'd be remiss if I didn't say that I think you should take a deeper look before you dive in before you get all vested into a relationship with somebody that is relatively a stranger to you I think it's important that we take a deeper look now I want to preface this message by saying I am I am an al of optimist I believe in love I'm kind of like a romantic I don't know if I was always that way but I'm definitely in that space now y'all know my story we Vicky and I had you know our marriage was bad for a long time now it's like we like to eighth graders going the kings of man very rich well you can grab your white button put your tongue in her mouth you good that's what I'm saying yes I don't know how all this is coming out hey I need a little time give me some time to get back in the pastoral mode I know it's deeper than that but but even though I'm a loved optimist one of these that Vicky has helped me with her wisdom is to be more of a realist because my optimism collides with reality when some of my idealism about love meets where people really are and by that I mean most people who are single who are in the dating space if you will tend to be auditioning that's a--that's a good word right there or there most people out here who are with who are not in a committed relationship and some of you are even in a committed relationship are really performing it's really an audition an audition is always you're always on stage it's like it's an ongoing audition because you don't know when you're gonna be chosen or if you're gonna be selected and so you have to always have your best foot forward and you have to always be on top of your game and so that's why you'll see you'll see somebody who will never be caught outdoors with their hair undone or uncovered never I'm in one town I reach for woman's hat who I knew her heroine that I kind of knew her and I swear I thought she was gonna stab me for even looking like I like it's not a little game like the people who will never be caught wearing something that in any way highlights any imperfection in their body never be seen like that out in public people who work so hard to perfect their imperfection if you got a flat but you'll wear something to make it poke out or you go there people who get a surgical thing put but whatever but support or whatever if a person if a person has a protruding stomach you know all us man all the men got big shirts on cuz we don't want nothing hanging out like I'm not I'm not being condescending we all do it let me say this is the mood of a man with stomach issues if we do hold time we sit there we keep going like this with the shirt keep trying to pull that joint right there may be a good oh maybe later yeah so what you doing man was your shirt we're all conscious of our idiosyncrasies and our flaws and our shortcomings and we spend so much time trying to keep you never want to never want to be caught smelling bad never want to be caught not looking right Oh always onstage and then beyond the physical thing where some people will go through I mean starving themselves to have the look that they hoped would get them a thumbs up or or doing brutal workouts to try to get there and and sacrificing so much to try to have the look to be accepted by somebody that we hope will say we're good enough yeah just give me a nod or something like I know you've got to be quiet in here just just wink at me and then then it goes beyond that to the to the to the financial and professional game we play like we have to we have to kind of kind of kind of perpetrate a fraud about what we really do for a living to try to make you know you because you can't just say you know I do you can't just tell me what you really do you got it that's why some people won't even apply for a job that doesn't have a title or a label that's impressive to society like you don't hear any people talking about they have servant jobs even though that's a high thing before god the people want to even if they're in service they'll say you know I'm in management yeah I'm a man what is that I'm in management because because I have to and then we we lie about how much money we make we lie about all of those things and then we try to impress people by we drive cars the car is not even out of our price range it ain't even in our name because our credit was too bad to get the car so we're driving the car that ain't even in our name and then and then we have all clothes that that are not based on a budget because we don't even have a clothes budget but clothes budget is not based on what it's economically prudent our clothes budget is based on what will give me the higher likes and the higher thumbs up amongst people who may take interest in me are y'all follow me and then it goes to a whole different level when you go to social media because social media gives you an opportunity to actually filter digitally and you know strategically filter your stories to create a world and a lifestyle that's merely a fraction of what the truth is about your life so now in fact some of us are so good at posting stuff that ain't really the real life that we're impressed with it like that's a bad you you can press yourself with that post and then beyond that then you have the person who tries to or they're always auditioning with their mind in their mouth so they always have a comment on the latest news on the hottest topics on the latest information because they have to be impressive intellectually and so what I'm saying is because everybody's auditioning you really don't know who you're dealing with stay with me stay with me it's really difficult to find out who are you now who are you really beneath the surface of this this facade because whenever you're auditioning you're trying to be selective and the reason why we don't have to audition with God is because he already tells us with all of our imperfections but because people are not like God we tend to show our best selves to them so our best foot is always forward and whenever you're auditioning whenever you're auditioning you tend to take less interest in others and put more emphasis on being interesting to others ok let me do it like this so let's say for example let's say for example if I told you you only have five minutes to impress somebody that you wanted to impress and you'll have five minutes to do it you're going to do whatever it is you're great at doing if you're a singer you're gonna sing during that fight if you're excellent singing if you're if you're a chef you're gonna prepare a meal that would impress the person if you're a great parent and you want to impress somebody with your parenting you're gonna introduce them to your favorite child and tell all their accomplishments if you're a physically fit person you're a bodybuilder you're gonna probably take your shirt off or do something if you're a guy and you're gonna wear something to accentuate your muscle groups here's the thing if you're a poet you guys you wanna drop some lines on the person but here's the thing the poet will probably not take their shirt that wouldn't make sense right and then the singers not gonna go get on the drums and then the drummer is not gonna speak like I'm speaking everybody's gonna put their best foot forward and what I'm saying is there is a way to discover thank you Lord there is a way to discover who a person really is and is through the art of curiosity curiosity is a gift that will give us information about a person through asking the right questions that will reveal who we're really dealing with the problem is is that curiosity is suppressed when I'm on auditioning because when I'm auditioning I'm more interested in being interesting than I am interested in knowing who you are so what happens is come here Kenny and Josh what I want you to see is I want I want to demonstrate this by saying this is what it's like when two people are dating and let's just say one happens to be a musician and what happens to be a singer man they're both auditioning trying to press each other here's metaphorically what a date would look like between a musician and a singer go ahead let me see how this goes who's gonna go first [Music] that's where I work mm-hmm anima aka okay go ahead go ahead what you're gonna do with that [Music] and I'm a gs-15 here's what I'm saying I can let them go back and forth but I don't want y'all to start lusting over them what I want to what I want to say is is that the only thing that will come out of that date is is that both of them will say oh he bad and he got swag or she's a beast or he's fly or whatever they come out with this she's sort of like Samson and this woman from Pip Nam Samson said she looks good I want to marry her obviously Samson was a good-looking guy because all they presented to each other was their shrimps but but what Samson didn't know about her was he didn't know what kind of families he came from he didn't know how she would handle pressure he didn't he didn't know her about her background and she didn't know he had anger problems he had lust problems he was disobedient he was slick and he was conniving she didn't know none of that about him so even though we know that that the musician can play and the singer can sing and the artist can paint and the parent can parent do you know how they handle their money and do you know how they respond to pressure and do you know if they cheat on their taxes and do you know what kind of secrets they have we don't know any of that so we just move forward with the surface stuff and because both people are auditioning here's what you have to understand if you're in a relationship with somebody and you're doing all the talking that means you are yielding to the temptation of auditioning because when you can humble yourself you get more curious about the other person so you start asking questions well what kind of questions do you ask I'm glad you asked let me give you some questions that can take you deeper first of all one of the things you want to do when you're in a dating context is you want to get to clarity quickly get to clarity quickly by that I mean in the first point I think or to get y'all about about when you're when you're auditioning you're more interested in being interesting but when getting the clarity Klee is important because you don't want to be tying somebody up or holding somebody up who you're not really serious about so getting the clarity means I want to know where we stand here are some clarifying questions like one of the things you can find out is I need to verify your relationship status that's called relationship status verification I hope some of this stuff helps you now what that means is I have some questions for you I need to know are you single what constitutes single that means you're unmarried it means I'm married doesn't mean that you broke up or you not living with your spouse it means you're literally unmarried and if you are and okay so you said how long ago did you break up with somebody like how recent was that and the person you broke up with are y'all still cool um do y'all still at the IR Keys each other's house [Music] okay let me let me see so you mean okay so the person we broke up with y'all still talk from time to time oh so you mean she might text you at any time at any time of the night cuz y'all still do and she still refers to you as Big Daddy see you I need to know that information yes like we need to know what what kind of nature the relationship is that is over and if you are going so are you going to a divorce are you going through a divorce like where are you on the divorce continuum I assume you only want to ask that they might say you know I'm going through it whoa hey you and he bring it up that's stupid by the way by the way and you have to do nothing I say I will tell you what I would do if I was single and I had an interest in somebody who was going to or through her divorce I used to say first of all first of all I would say if I'm not commit interested in somebody who's going through a divorce what I would suggest you say to the person is listen I'll tell you what what we gonna do in the meantime until that is completed let's work on ourselves and not on the relationship mm-hmm let's let's let's focus on personal development instead of developing this relationship until that's over the reason why and what we'll do is we'll put a placeholder on this relationship for X amount of time and make ourselves you know generally available to each other when that's over because the reason why you should do that for several reasons one is you don't really know what's gonna happen to that marriage secondly you also don't see whenever you're in a relationship during a time and space when somebody is going through a divorce that relationship appears tricky to people and it appears to be the cause of the divorce even if it's not and you don't want that kind of thing hanging over your relationship and then the bonus children don't like you and all that because their mama gonna tell them you don't want that broke mom and daddy see y'all ain't ready for this real stuff today so so what you really need to do is to say until you are really really single whoo it was kind of loud in here till I said that here's another one discover if there's mutual if there's mutual interest that's important discovery if there's mutual interest I heard this song on Instagram I can't get it out of my head I'm gonna let y'all hear too so I could be stuck in yours check this out it's PJ Morton song I don't even know where the rest of the song is [Music] nobody wants to be in love [Music] so I'm trying my best not to over what I need to know right now no not just folks if you love me just say so just I can't play these games with you know if you love me [Music] if you love me just say so because I don't want to play these games with you no more if you love me just say so nobody wants to be in love alone you know what I call that I call it a lopsided relationship when you're the one you're the only one that's vested in the relationship you do all the planning you playing all the trips you're playing all the activities you playing all the days you have to tell him what to wear put this on here like I did hey the person has shown you over and over again that they really would be fine without you what is your problem have you ever seen somebody a lopsided relationship and everybody can see it but then your friends try to tell you and the person keeps you away from your friends your family try to stop you they keep you away from the family and you still bring them to the cookout I'm saying you can save yourself a lot of drama a lot of pain if you wait on somebody who has a mutual love for you because miss ISA because some people are playing games but some people it ain't even a game let me tell you what it is it's their social system it's their interpersonal relationship system that they put in place to protect themselves from vulnerability so they don't tend to open up and say I love you or anything like that because they have trained themselves not to do that that's their system and I'm saying even if that's your system you better pay at some point you gonna have to put your cards on the table because you don't mess around to lose somebody that you don't want to lose because you won't open up I understand that little system is working for you because you've been hurt three times before and your fourth grade Keisha broke your heart and then in a ninth grade Donelle went to the prom with with Rallo and now you're stealing yeah but but at some point you're gonna have to make yourself vulnerable to love that sister was not gonna have that here's another one he's another one not only discovers their menstruation discover their interest in general I'll just say this briefly find out what people like ask questions like what do you like what do you dislike do you know and find out really what you really want to find out what does the person dislike so much it makes the skin crawl it upsets them and annoys them so much that they like like is it pets is it meat is it weight you got some people that are so obsessed with weight that if you gain weight they don't they they punish you or if they don't like pets and you that dog got you through come on now y'all got you that dog ride in the car with you that dog sleep in the bed with you and this person don't like the way dogs smell they don't like dog food and like all that you need to know that because secrecy because you because you're so desperate you say well I'll be flexible so I'll make sure the dog stay outside and the dog won't be in the house and then what dog won't be in the car and the dog won't be no dog smells around and I'm saying your flexibility may turn into misery you gotta know this stuff like well here's another thing I want to give you because I'm running out of time it's what I call the airplane talk all I'm trying to do is is get below the surface the airplane talk keep this in mind airplane talk is when you get on an airplane and you're traveling and you're sitting next to somebody that you don't know a way of conversing with that person is basically you you be the conversation is based around three things all the time like one is so where you headed now you think if you're on the same plane you would know that but not necessarily because of their connections and then states are so big if I'm if we bump on the LAX air what I might be going to Sherman Oaks for the visit family you might be going to Hollywood for business we're not going the same place even though we're landing in the same Airport so where you're headed is a destiny question always ask people where they're headed always talk to people about their goals if a person doesn't know where they're going you need to be aware of that then the next question is what brings you to LAX what's your activity will you do for a living by the way when you ask somebody what they do for a living always pay attention when you ask questions to the information gaps information gaps okay in the world of curiosity in the world of curiosity God has wired our minds neurologically in a way when there's information gaps if there's a gap in information something happens in our brain that gets excited about closing the gap if it's something we don't know and it remains unknown there's something that's excites us about getting to know it that bridge or we shut it down because well you know they're not gonna tell me so I ignore the desire to get it or I'm not gonna be able to comprehend the information but for the most part we are wired in such a way to be curious it's just suppressed when we're auditioning we are wired to be curious in fact let me give you let me give you a quick thing here's a way of feeding your curiosity because you're gonna be a better person in life by asking good questions because you learn more when you ask questions there's a man named Jeff Hoffman who started priceline.com and here's a way you can feed your curiosity he says 10 minutes every day do something he calls info sponging info sponging is when you you you follow a path of your your your just your intuition and you study something did you know nothing about lately something that you have no knowledge of read something you don't understand expose yourself to something you don't know and just take 10 minutes to do it and then write down something you learn from it even if you don't understand this write down whatever you took away from it what it does is it opens your mind up to explore that's very important now let me go back to these interview questions how you talk to somebody you're in a dating relationship with when there's an information gap let's say you say what do you do for a living and the person says well I like working with kids but they say I like I like write music or we do for a living I like landscape what they're telling you is they're unemployed and what they would like to do if you know somebody who can get them the opportunity is you don't have to tell me you like it if you're doing it if you ask somebody here's another one here's another one when you go to the history question it says so is we've just say you're taking off from an airport in New York or wherever you are and you're taking off from that Airport you say so is this your home like is this home for you is you just like where are you from I've talked about that to y'all before where you for what's your history like like tell me about your family now here's what the system will do a person don't want you to know when you say tell me about a bunch of family maybe like what you wanna know just know that they don't want you to know anything but that they're fly that they smell good that they dress good whatever that's it they want you to go don't go in there but you say well tell me tell me about we were no but but tell me about where you grew up the home you grew up in well the father wasn't wasn't there like my mother she was doing her own thing I got two brothers he was doing their own thing my two sisters they doing their own thing that's a heck of a gap information gap right there always pay attention to the gaps because see see here's the thing most of us want to be seen want to be chosen but we don't want to reveal the secrets we don't mind revealing the secrets of things that happen bad to us because everybody's for the victim what we don't want to reveal is directly stupid dangerous criminal stuff that we've done yeah so we want reveal that cause that could blow it right off the top and I'm not saying I'm not saying go into every conversation and reveal everything I'm telling my people you're interested in you got to get to this information for Sampson and this woman to get married without any information on each other was reckless and people are doing it all the time because they fell in love they fell in love don't fall stand up I'm gonna wrap this up let me tell you how to take a deeper dive let me get let me get two single people to come up here man or a woman to come up here who who's just bowled like that just come on up here I want to do this for a second yeah only need one I know you ain't no brother gonna move he's just like man not today not today not today huh come on somebody represent for the brothers got to be single that's all just single come on if they drew you come on y'all can I come on come on mr. Peterson Thank You Man yeah how you doing good what's your name huh nada how old are you 45 okay you know women don't like you don't looked at Oh women don't like saying hi olya he too young in case I wasn't trying to hook that up you'd be a cougar for him now here's what I want to do here's what I want to do I'm gonna ask you a question both of you quick come this I want you to answer this question in three seconds that's it you ready he's gonna go first what makes you angry okay what makes you happy love mm-hmm what makes you worry being unsure all right the reason why I had you answer those questions in three seconds this is what you asked person when you we ask the person something and you make them answer it in three seconds what the answer is coming from their gut not their head it didn't give your brain a chance to censor it so when he says he gets angry about a lot of things you need to pay attention to that that means you can burn her breakfast he might throw you out the house it's just it's unlimited yeah sure I can tell it all so you want to ask something here's the last thing when I asked you both of you and I'm give you time to think about it I'll give you 30 seconds that's what i'ma give you 30 seconds you ready who wants to go first okay you got 30 seconds tell me your ideal wife right now subscriber ideal circles around someone who thinks differently than I do so we can get a full 360-degree perspective mm-hmm someone who knows deal yeah at the same time it's confident in firming it so I don't change her into something she was never strong good excellent all right you go 5 4 3 2 your ideal husband described 30 seconds loving faithful my good mind spirit goal-oriented patient understanding and most of all just being them all right you did it in like 20 seconds so listen this is why this is important see he gave a list right and let's just say someone was here day and it was interested in him so you can say well I just ain't gonna break your heart cuz I can't be there right just you know I'm saying that Depp would that brings clarity like ain't him a new truck I would I would lose myself trying to be that but then somebody else would be like you found your wife I'm all that young San Jose the same with you like like just get to it you got to know what you want and you got to be able to know what the other person was and then you can like assess like I'm not that I will never be that so let's not be miserable we were okay before we met ya know Santos and I younger by DC's thank you I'm out of time this was was that helpful so I hope it was helpful to somebody just be curious be curious in general ask more questions you'd be surprised at how much you discover because whenever you come to a situation and you feel like you have to have the information in the answers that's an indication you're performing you're performing be quiet listen ask good questions let's pray could you be surprised how many people are married and still performing they're still hiding they're still hiding and and the thing is that stuff will leak it will come out it's hard to hide forever father thank you so much for this truth thank you for your word help us to apply it to our lives and live it out in Jesus name Amen

Channel: Keith Battle

Views: 9,905

Rating: 4.9142857 out of 5

Keywords: relationships, marriage, married people, love, Jesus, God, church, Christian Church, sermon, non denominational, agape, Zion Church, Keith Battle, Pastor Keith Battle, DMV, dating

Id: AdgwEhXa4uE

Length: 36min 18sec (2178 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 04 2018