The Daily Show - Majority Retort

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT PRESIDENT OBAMA'S SPEECH LAST NIGHT BUT FOR EVERY STATE OF THE UNION, WHICH I THINK IS THE LAW OF FISIC, THERE MUST ALSO BE THE POST SPEECH OPPOSITION RESPONSE. AND I'M EXCITED ABOUT IT. IT MEANS IT'S TIME TO HAND OUT THIS YEAR'S IMPLODE YEAST. FOR OUTSTANDING ACHIEVEMENT IN UNFORCED RESPONSE SPEECH ERROR, PREVIOUS WINNERS INCLUDE DRY LIPS McGEE. AND CRAZY EYES WHERE I DO LOOK? AND OLD BOBBY [BLEEP] I'M GOING TO JAIL. SO WHO IS GOING HOME WITH THE IMPLODIE THIS YEAR? >> JONI ERNST IS GIVING THE REPUBLICAN SPORS. >> A TEA PARTY FAVORITE. >> VERY STRONG. >> INSTANT GOP ROCK STAR. >> A WOMAN WHO RIDES A HARLEY. >> SHE GREW UP CASS STRAIGHT-- CASTRATING PIGS. >> TRYING TO MAKE THEM SQUEAL IN WASHINGTON. >> Jon: OH MAN, GOP IS BRINGING THE FUNK. WITHOUT BETTER THAN A HOG BALL BULL DOZEIN SQUEAL GENERATING HARLEY'S ANGEL TO GRAB THE ATTENTION WITH VITALITY OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE. TAKE IT AWAY, SENATOR. >> GROW-- GROWING UP, HI ONLY ONE GOOD PAIR OF SHOES. SO ON RAINY SCHOOL DAYS, MY MOM WOULD SLIP PLASTIC BREAD BAGS OVER THEM, BUT I WAS NEVER EMBARRASSED. BECAUSE THE SCHOOL BUS WOULD BE FILLED WITH ROWS AND ROWS OF YOUNG IOWAANS WITH BREAD BAGS SLIPPED OVER THEIR FEET. >> Jon: IS THAT YOU, SIRI? (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Jon: YOU KNOW, THAT SEEMED LIKE LESS OF A RESPONSE TO THE PRESIDENT'S ADDRESS THAN AN APPLICATION ESSAY TO NOSTALGIA UNIVERSITY. NOSTALGIA UNIVERSITY, IT WAS BETTER WHEN YOUR DAD WENT THERE. WHAT IS ERNST TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH BY TELLING HERR ORIGIN STORY. >> HER JOB WAS TO HUMANIZE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY. (LAUGHTER) >> Jon: WELL, IF HER JOB WAS TO HUMANIZE THE REPUBLICAN PARTY, MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. ALL RIGHT. SO THAT WAS THE REPUBLICAN RESPONSE. AND I GUESS BECAUSE SHE'S THE TEA PARTY SWEETHEART, IT COUNTS AS A TEA PARTY RESPONSE AS WELL. SO I GUESS WE'RE DONE. THAT'S ALL-- CONDITIONS CURT CLAWSON GIVING THE TEA PARTY RESPONSE. >> Jon: WHAT? I THOUGHT 14E WAS THE TEA-- ALL RIGHT, I GUESS HE BETTER HAVE SOMETHING PRETTY IMPORTANT TO SAY TO JUSTIFY A SEPARATE OFFICIAL RESPONSE. >> DECADES AGO I PLAYED BASKETBALL AT PURDUE. WE HAD A GUARD FROM THE WEST COAST, A FORWARD FROM GARY, A POST PLAYER FROM CINCINNATI,. >> Jon: A SMALL-- FROM TIJUANA AN ASSISTANT COACH FROM THE THIRD MOON OF JUPITER. AND WE HAD A JEWISH WATER BOY WITH SOME KIND OF SPEECH IMPEDIMENT. IT ALL WENT-- ALL RIGHT. INSPIRING BASKETBALL MELTING POT ANECDOTE DELIVERED. THOSE WERE THE TWO TEA PARTY RESPONSES AND WE'RE DONE. SO THAT'S -- >> RAND PAUL IS GIVING ON HIS OWN YOUTUBE CHANNEL A RESPONSE. >> LIBERAL ELITES FLY OVER MY SMALL TOWN BUT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND US. THEY SIMPLY SEEK TO IMPOSE THEIR WILL UPON US. >> Jon: LIBERAL ELITES? YOU'RE A DOCTOR AND A SENATOR WITH A 12-TERM CONGRESSMAN FATHER AND A FIRST NAME SYNONYMOUS WITH A RUSSIAN NOVELIST? THAT'S PRETTY [BLEEP] ELITE. SO I GUESS THE ENGINEER HERE, LIBERAL, FINE, WE GOT THE RESPONSE TO THE TEA PARTY RESPONSE TO THE TEA PARTY RESPONSE. I ASSUME THAT'S ALL. >> A RESPONSE FROM ANOTHER POTENTIAL PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE TED CRUZ. >> Jon: HOW MANY [BLEEP] PEOPLE ARE AT THIS TEA PARTY? AND WHAT DID THIS GUY PUT ON HIS FEET WHEN IT RAINED. >> MEDIAN INCOMES HAVE STAGNATED FOR OVER A DECADE. >> LET ME START OVER. (APPLAUSE) (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE) >> Jon: HERE'S A TIP. IF ARE YOU LOOKING TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T MAKE YOUR RESPONSE TO THE STATE OF THE UNION LOOK LIKE A RANSOM VIDEO. (LAUGHTER) OR THE PART OF THE PORNO EVERYBODY FAST TOWARDS THROUGH. SENATOR CRUZ, I PRESENT TO YOU THIS YEAR'S IMPLODIE. I WOULD LET YOU GIVE AN ACCEPTANCE SPEECH BUT NAH.

Channel: Comedy Central

Views: 2,432,025

Rating: 4.8872294 out of 5

Keywords: Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, Daily Show videos, awards, State of the Union, speeches, Republicans, Tea Party, growing up, poverty, Iowa, basketball, sports, Rand Paul, elitism, liberal, conservative, Ted Cruz, economy, porn, Joni Ernst, Comedy Central (TV Network)

Id: IKvZg2WZTDQ

Length: 5min 15sec (315 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 22 2015