LAST WEEK... (LAUGHTER)
OH, (BLEEP) JUST GOT REAL. LAST WEEK, THE OBAMA
ADMINISTRATION AND IRAN IN COOPERATION WITH RUSSIA, FRANCE,
BRITAIN, GERMANY AND CHINA, REACHED AN HISTORIC
OUTLINE OF A FRAMEWORK OF AN OUTLINE OF A
POTENTIAL DRAFT FOR A PRE-FINAL TENTATIVE NUCLEAR DEAL
ARRANGEMENT! PENDING APPROVAL. (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
BUT FIRST, CONGRESS HAS SOME CONCERNS. >> THIS DEAL DOESN'T DISMANTLE
ONE CENTRIFUGE, IT DOESN'T CLOSE ONE SITE. >> NO ONE TRUSTS IRAN. >> I DON'T TRUST THE LEADERSHIP
OF IRAN. >> THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A
CLEAR RECOGNITION ON THEIR PART THAT ISRAEL HAS A RIGHT TO
EXIST AS A JEWISH STATE. >> I WOULDN'T HAVE STARTED THESE
NEGOTIATIONS TO BEGIN WITH. >> Jon: WHAT! SO I GUESS WE'RE GIVING CEDING
TO LIARS AND ANTI-SEMITES IN A NEGOTIATION THAT NEVER
SHOULD HAVE EXISTED BUT OTHER THAN THAT,
GOOD FIRST DRAFT. WHAT COURSE OF ACTION IF NOT A
TREATY WOULD CONGRESS RECOMMEND? >> SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF
WHAT PRESIDENT CLINTON DID IN DECEMBER 1998, SEVERAL DAYS OF
AIR AND NAVAL BOMBING AGAINST IRAQ'S WEAPONS OF MASS
DESTRUCTION FACILITIES. >> Jon: OH, RIGHT! 1998, CLINTON SENT MISSILES IN
THERE IN OPERATION I GUESS THAT'S THAT. (LAUGHTER)
YEAH, THAT 1998 BOMBING FIXED IRAQ FOREVER, TRANSITIONING THAT
COUNTRY FROM A DICTATORSHIP TO AN AMERICAN-LOVING
KITTEN-AND-FUDGE-BASED DEMOCRACY. EVERYONE LOVES A
KITTEN-AND-FUDGE-BASED --DEMOCRACY. BUT THE TRUTH
IS, EVEN IF THE SENATORS -- (LAUGHTER) REALLY? HONESTLY, JUST ADDED A
[BLEEP] T. THAT'S ALL WE DID. EVEN IF THE SENATORS DID THINK
THE DEAL WITH IRAN WAS A GOOD DEAL, THE SENATORS WOULD STILL
HAVE TO FULFILL THEIR CONSTITUTIONAL OBLIGATION. >> NO SENATE OR HOUSE SHOULD
EVER LET ANY PRESIDENT DO AWAY WITH CONGRESSIONAL SANCTIONS
CREATED BY THE BODIES WITHOUT THEIR APPROVAL. >> I THINK IT'S CRITICAL THAT IS
SENATE APPROVE THIS LIKE WE DO ANY TREATY. >> IT REQUIRES THE ADVICE AND
CONSENT OF THE UNITED STATES SENATE. >> Jon: SLOW DOWN THERE, McCAIN! SENATE'S ALREADY IN SESSION,
LIKE, THREE DAYS A MONTH! (LAUGHTER)
YOU DON'T WANT TO OVERLOAD YOUR SCHEDULE, BLOW A GASKET. OF COURSE! THE CONSTITUTION ALSO GIVES
CONGRESS THE RESPONSIBILITY TO DECLARE WAR. HOW CONCERNED ARE THEY WITH
DEFENDING THAT AUTHORITY FROM PRESIDENTIAL OVERREACH? >> I DON'T WANT TO LIMIT OUR
COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF. >> THIS RESOLUTION SAYS WIN A
WAR, IT TAKES GROUND TROOPS WHEREVER IT TAKES. >> A GUY NAMED RONALD REAGAN
INVADED A SOVEREIGN, SMALL SOVEREIGN NATION CALLED
GRENADA, YOU KNOW, AND NOTIFIED EVERYBODY THE NEXT MORNING
AFTER, AFTER IT WAS COMPLETED. >> CONGRESS SHOULD SORT OF SHUT
UP. >> Jon: THE PRESIDENT NEEDS TO
FOCUS, EVERYBODY! HE'S BOMBING PEOPLE! MY ADVICE IS THAT CONGRESS
CONSENT TO A HOT CUP OF SHUT THE (BLEEP) UP! DELAWARE! DELAWARE! (CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
DELAWARE, WHEN THE PRESIDENT'S BOMBING PEOPLE, YOU SO MUCH SAY
A WORD I WILL SHOVE YOU SO FAR UP MASSACHUSETTS' ASS, YOU WILL
SMELL MAINE! (LAUGHTER) A LOT OF THE TOUGH TALK FROM -- AS A MATTER OF FACT, CONGRESS IS
SO LAX IN THEIR WAR-MAKING OVERSIGHT, THE PRESIDENT HIMSELF
IS SOMEWHAT UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THE AMOUNT OF FIRE IN HIS POWER
LIKE HIS DRONE STRIKE AUTHORITY. >> ONE OF THE THINGS WE'VE GOT
TO DO IS PUT A LEGAL ARCHITECTURE IN PLACE AND WE
NEED CONGRESSIONAL HELP TO DO THAT TO MAKE SURE THAT NOT ONLY
AM I REINED IN BUT ANY PRESIDENT IS IN TERMS OF SOME OF THE
DECISIONS WE'RE MAKING. >> Jon: STOP ME CONGRESS
BEFORE I KILL -- OH, TOO LATE. TURNS OUT, WHEN IT COMES TO
BOMBING COUNTRIES OR SENDING ADVISORS TO COUNTRIES OR DRONE
STRIKING COUNTRIES, CONGRESS IS THE GIRL WHO JUST CAN'T SAY NO. BUT WHEN IT COMES TO COOPERATING
WITH COUNTRIES, TREATIES -- HOLD ON THERE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, MISTER? LIKE THE SMALL ARMS TREATY TO
STOP THE ILLEGAL INTERNATIONAL TRADE OF ARMS RATIFIED BY 66
OTHER COUNTRIES. >> WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD
SOMEBODY WANT TO GIVE TO CEDE TO THE UNITED NATIONS OR ANY
MULTI-NATIONAL GROUP THE POWER TO MAKE DETERMINATIONS AS TO
WHOM, WITH WHOM WE TRADE ARMS. >> THIS TREATY WILL INFRINGE ON
THE SECOND AMENDMENT RIGHTS OF AMERICAN GUN OWNERS. >> Jon: BLACK MARKET SOMALI
ARMS TRAFFICKING DOESN'T KILL PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO BUY BLACK MARKET
SOMALI ARMS -- OH, FORGET IT! (LAUGHTER)
OR THE LAW OF THE SEA TREATY WHICH CREATES GUIDELINES FOR HOW
COUNTRIES CAN RESPONSIBLY USE MARINE NATURAL RESOURCES,
RATIFIED BY 167 COUNTRIES OR IT'S KNOWN, EARTH MINUS US. >> WHAT IT DOES IN JUST A ONE
SENTENCE FORM IS TO RELINQUISH OUR SOVEREIGNTY OVER 70% OF THE
WORLD. >> Jon: WHAT ARE WE THE
SPANISH ARMADA? AS YOU KNOW, AMERICA CURRENTLY
OWNS THE OCEANS. EVER SINCE PRESIDENT NIXON BLEW
ON NEPTUNE'S FABLED CONCH SHELL AND BECAME PRINCE OF THE DEEP! (LAUGHTER)
OR -- AND THE ONE IS HONESTLY HARD TO BELIEVE THAT WE WON'T
RATIFY, THE TREATY TO PROMOTE RIGHTS FOR THE DISABLED
RATIFIED BY 153 NATIONS. >> IN ALL HONESTY, I DON'T WANT
TO LOSE OUR SOVEREIGNTY IN THIS ISSUE. >> Jon: OH! I DON'T WANT SOME
ONE WORLD BLACK HELICOPTER ILLUMINATI COMING HERE AND
TELLING US WHICH RAMP NEEDS TO GO IN FRONT OF WHICH LIBRARY! AND IT'S NOT ALWAYS THAT WE'RE
ALWAYS WORKING AGAINST OTHER COUNTRIES, WE DO WORK WITH OTHER
COUNTRIES, WE DO IT ALL THE TIME. >> WELL, CERTAINLY WE NEED OTHER
PARTNERS. I MEAN, WE NEED THESE OTHER ARAB
COUNTRIES TO STEP IN. >> THE UNITED STATES MUST BE
COMMITTED TO BUILDING A COALITION THAT ASSISTS THE
IRAQI, KURDISH AND FREE SYRIAN FORCES. >> DEMONSTRATE OUR COMMITMENT TO
THE GLOBAL COALITION IN DEFEATING THIS RADICAL ISLAMIC
ORGANIZATION. >> AMERICAN SOLDIERS NEED TO GO
BACK TO SYRIA AND IRAQ AS PART OF THE COALITION --
>> Jon: SEE? YOU WANT TO WORK WITH THE UNITED
STATES, HUH? WELL, THERE'S ONLY TWO THINGS
YOU CAN DO WITH RAMPS -- BUILD 'EM OR BOMB 'EM. (LAUGHTER)
AND I DON'T SEE NO BUILDING RAMP MATERIALS. (LAUGHTER)
WHICH BRINGS US TO THE QUESTION, WHY ARE WE SO (BLEEP) CAUTIOUS
AND UNWILLING TO COOPERATE WITH THE GLOBAL COMMUNITY ON
NON-MILITARY AGREEMENTS? >> WHENEVER A BILL OR A TREATY
IS PASSED, THERE ARE SOME UNINTENDED CONSEQUENCES. >> LET'S DO IT WITHOUT ENMESHING
OUR NATION INTO ANOTHER BINDING INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATION THAT
WILL CAUSE MORE GRIEF THAN BENEFIT. >> YOU ALSO NEED TO PAY VERY
CAREFUL ATTENTION TO THOSE CONSEQUENCES THAT ARE UNINTENDED
BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE THE DANGER TRULY LIES. >> Jon: YES, THE UNINTENDED
CONSEQUENCES OF TRYING TO MAKE PEACE! OUR CONGRESS IS INCREDIBLY
CAUTIOUS ABOUT TREATIES BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW THE BLOW-BACK
PEACEFUL COOPERATION CAN HAVE! WE SEE IT ALL THE TIME! MAYBE IF WE HADN'T BEEN SO
EAGER TO COLLECT HALLOWEEN PENNIES FOR UNICEF, IRAQ WOULD
BE A STABLE COUNTRY TODAY. AND I.S.I.S. WOULD NEVER GET A
FOOTHOLD. BUT THAT'S THE KIND OF GOODNESS
BAKED INTO OUR CONSTITUTION, TO MAKE PEACE, TWO-THIRDS OF THE
SENATE NEED TO COME ALONG. YOU WANT TO GO TO WAR, THOUGH? SIMPLE MAJORITY. AND A QUICK TIP IF YOU CALL IT
SOMETHING ELSE, YOU CAN DO WHATEVER THE (BLEEP) YOU WANT. WE'RE THE EDWARD SCISSORHANDS OF
COUNTRIES. WE WANT TO LOVE BUT WE ONLY KNOW
HOW TO HURT!
