The Daily Show - Now That's What I Call Being Completely F**king Wrong About Iraq

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I miss Jon. He is a national treasure and taught a generation how to be critical of and be a check on the media.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ︎ 3 ๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ︎ u/EvilPhd666 ๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ︎ Oct 28 2019 ๐Ÿ—ซ︎ replies
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>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILY SHOW." I'M JON STEWART. WE HAVE A VERY, VERY GOOD SHOW TONIGHT. MY GUEST TONIGHT, HOWARD SCHULTZ WILL BE HERE. HE'S THE C.E.O. OF STARBUCKS. ACTUALLY, HE'S JUST HERE TO USE OUR BATHROOM, BUT I'M MAKING HIM BUY SOMETHING. CONGRATULATIONS TO THE U.S. WE BEAT GHANA 6-0. [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] [AUDIENCE CHANTING U-S-A!] >> Jon: HOLD ON A SECOND. I ACTUALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SCORE WAS. THEY'RE ACTUALLY, THEY'RE PLAYING RIGHT NOW. I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE OPTIMISTIC. BUT, LET'S START TONIGHT WITH OUR CONTINUING COVERAGE OF MESS 'O POTAMIA. AS YOU KNOW, WE WENT INTO IRAQ FOR ONE REASON AND FOR ONE REASON ONLY. >> THAT'S WHAT THIS FIGHT IS ABOUT IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD, PLANTING THE SEEDS OF DEMOCRACY. >> THAT SEED OF DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ. >> Jon: IT WASN'T ABOUT WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION OR 9/11. [LAUGHTER] ONCE THOSE REASONS WERE FOUND TO BE UNSUPPORTED BY REALITY. IT WAS ABOUT AMERICA. IT WAS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS WHEN ONE COUNTRY LOVES ANOTHER COUNTRY VERY MUCH. [LAUGHTER] AND THAT COUNTRY THEN DEPOSITS HIS DEMOCRACY SEED, TYPICALLY LASER GUIDED, INTO ANOTHER COUNTRY'S, LET'S SAY, FERTILE CRESCENT. BY THE WAY, IF YOU THINK... [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] IF YOU THINK THE SEEDING OF DEMOCRACY METAPHOR IS SLIGHTLY MORE TORTURED THAN MANY OF THE PEOPLE WE BROUGHT THAT DEMOCRACY TO, YOU AIN'T SEEN NOTHING YET. >> THE SEEDS OF FREEDOM HAVE ONLY RECENTLY BEEN PLANTED IN IRAQ, BUT DEMOCRACY, WHEN IT GROWS, IS NOT A FRAGILE FLOWER. IT IS A HEALTHY, STURDY TREE. [LAUGHTER] >> Jon: AND THAT TREE IS FAMILY TREE. IT'S FAMILY MAN, FOR NO MAN IS AN ISLAND, EXCEPT FOR THE ISLE OF MAN. WHERE IS THAT? YOU KNOW WHAT? [BLEEPED] IT. I'M GONNA GO PAINT A CAT. ANYWAY, THE POINT IS THIS: WE SPREAD OUR SEED ALL OVER IRAQ AND IT BLOOMED, BABY, UNTIL OLD JOHNNY O'BAMMY CAME IN, AND NOW YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT'S GROWING THERE. >> THE SEEDS OF 9/11 ARE BEING PLANTED ALL OVER IRAQ AND SYRIA. >> Jon: YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENED? THEY DONE SWAPPED OUT OUR DEMOCRACY SEEDS WITH THE SEEDS OF 9/11. YOU KNOW, I'M NOT EVEN SURE WHY BURPEE'S EVEN SELLS THOSE 9/11 SEEDS. WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT? THAT'S LIKE, SEEMS LIKE A LAWSUIT WAITING TO HAPPEN. [APPLAUSE] IT'S LIKE WHEN THEY STOCKED ALL THOSE VENUS DOG TRAPS. IT'S JUST STUPID. [LAUGHTER] I'M GOING TO GO BEAGLE. POINT IS ALL THAT GREAT STUFF WE DID AFTER OBVIOUSLY SOME OF THE BAD STUFF WE DID IS TOTALLY UNDONE NOW BY THE ISLAMIC STATE OF IRAQ AND SYRIA, WHO ARE CURRENTLY SOWING CHAOS SEEDS. SO NOW WHAT DO WE DO? WELL, IF YOU REMEMBER IN THE ORIGINAL RUSH TO WAR, I MEAN DILIGENTLY PLANNED, INTERNATIONALLY SANCTIONED FREEDOM RAVE, THERE WERE SOME INDIVIDUALS WHO WERE WRONG, UH, ABOUT THE WHOLE [BLEEPED] THING, JUST WRONG, JUST DEAD WRONG, LIKE ABOUT EVERYTHING, ALL OF THEM. >> LET'S ACT NOW TO GET RID OF A TYRANT WHO HAS ABUSED AND KILLED HIS OWN PEOPLE, WHO IS PROCURING WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION, SUBSTANTIAL EVIDENCE TO THAT EFFECT. >> THE CHOICE IS DISARMING HIM BY WAR OR LETTING HIM HAVE THESE WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. >> YOU'RE DEALING WITH A COUNTRY THAT CAN REALLY FINANCE ITS OWN RECONSTRUCTION AND RELATIVELY SOON. >> THE BA'ATHISTS WHO USED THEIR POWER TO REPRESS THE IRAQI PEOPLE WILL BE REMOVED FROM OFFICE. >> Jon: BY THE WAY, YOU CAN HAVE ALL THESE MEMORABLE SCREWUPS AND MORE, JUST CALL NOW AND ORDER, "NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL BEING COMPLETELY BLEEP WRONG ABOUT IRAQ." [CHEERING AND APPLAUSE] >> Jon: ANYHOW, SO, BUT HERE'S WHAT HAPPENED, YOU'LL APPRECIATE THIS. I THINK YOU'LL APPRECIATE THIS, THOSE IDIOTS WERE OSTRACIZED, NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN, BECAUSE OF HOW -- I'M KIDDING. BECAUSE I THINK WE ALL KNOW FOUR WRONGS MAKE A RIGHT. AND IN THIS CURRENT CRISIS, THE NEWS MEDIA HAS CRUSHED TO GET THE BAND BACK TOGETHER AGAIN. AND THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME ADVICE. ON BASS... ICALLY WRONG ABOUT EVERYTHING, BILL KRISTOL. ON DRUM... MING UP SUPPORT FOR ENDLESS WAR, PAUL WOLFOWITZ. ON GUITAR YOU KIDDING ME, HOW DOES THIS GUY KEEP GETTING BOOKED ON TELEVISION, LINDSEY GRAHAM. >> THIS STUBBORN-HEADED PRESIDENT WE HAVE WHO THINKS HE KNOWS BETTER THAN EVERYBODY ELSE, WHO WITHDREW TROOPS. STUBBORN-HEADED, DELUSIONAL, DETACHED PRESIDENT, BUT THAT'S THE LAST BAD THING I'M GOING TO SAY. [LAUGHTER] >> Jon: MY WICKED TONGUE. [LAUGHTER] [SPEAKING WITH SOUTHERN ACCENT]: I'M SO BAD... AT FOREIGN POLICY. NOW POUR ME ANOTHER JULEP. LINDSEY FEELS A SONG. >> Jon: BUT, LIKE ANY TERRIBLE BAND, THEY'RE NOTHING WITHOUT THEIR LEAD SINGER, OLD JOHNNY ROTTEN. JOHNNY ROTTEN JUDGMENT. HIS ADVOCACY OF THE IRAQ WAR WAS LEGEND, HIS SOPHISTICATED KNOWLEDGE OF THE REGION UNPARALLELED, IN THAT IT DID NOT PARALLEL WITH ANYBODY WHO HAD KNOWLEDGE OF THE REGION. >> THERE IS NOT A HISTORY OF CLASHES THAT ARE VIOLENT BETWEEN SUNNIS AND SHIAS, SO I THINK THEY CAN PROBABLY GET ALONG. >> Jon: NOW, THAT IS A TRUE STATEMENT IF YOU DON'T COUNT THE LONG HISTORY OF VIOLENT CLASHES BETWEEN SUNNI AND SHIITE. AND HE'S RIGHT, THROUGHOUT HISTORY THERE ARE LOTS OF EXAMPLES OF SUNNIS AND SHIAS PEACEFULLY SHARING POWER LIKE WE WERE GOING TO HAVE THEM DO IN IRAQ. LIKE, UM, OKAY, HERE'S A GREAT ONE, BACK IN THE 50s, 950, YEAH, THE ONLY TIME IT'S EVER HAPPENED IS OVER 1,000 YEARS AGO IN WHAT IS NOW IRAN AND IRAQ. THERE WAS A PRO-SHIITE WARLORD DYNASTY SHARING POWER WITH A PRO-SUNNI CALIPH. YEAH, IN 950. I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY COULDN'T FIND THIS BOOK. [LAUGHTER] AND, SINCE JOHN McCAIN WAS ONE OF THE WRONGEST BEFORE AND DURING THE WAR, IT'S ONLY FITTING THAT IN THIS CURRENT CRISIS HE WAS ON SO MANY SHOWS YOU'D THINK HE JUST WON "DANCING WITH THE STARS." [LAUGHTER] >> A DECISION WAS MADE BY THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO NOT HAVE A RESIDUAL FORCE IN IRAQ. >> WE LEFT TROOPS BEHIND IN KOREA, IN GERMANY, IN JAPAN, EVEN IN BOSNIA. THEY ARE STABLIZING FORCE. WE HAD THE CONFLICT WON. WE HAD THAT WAR WON. AND WE BLEW IT. >> Jon: AND ALL WE WOULD HAVE DO MAINTAIN THE VICTORY IS STAY THERE FOREVER. IT'S LIKE WHEN YOU WIN AT A CASINO. AND TO GET THE MONEY, YOU HAVE TO LIVE THERE. WHY DID OBAMA SNATCH DEFEAT FROM THE JAWS OF VICTORY? >> PRESIDENT BUSH SIGNED A TREATY AT THE END OF 2008 THE STATUS OF FORCES AGREEMENT, WHICH SAID THAT ALL U.S. FORCES, NOT JUST COMBAT FORCES, ALL U.S. FORCES, WILL BE OUT OF IRAQ BY THE END OF 2011. >> Jon: WHAT? ONLY A SECRET MUSLIM KENYAN TERRORIST VEGAN IS SHREWD ENOUGH TO ENSURE OUR DEFEAT BEFORE HE EVER TOOK OFFICE BY JEDI MIND-TRICKING PATRIOT MAN. ACTUALLY, FOR HIM YOU DON'T ACTUALLY NEED TO USE THE JEDI MIND TRICK. YOU JUST KIND OF WAVE YOUR HAND AND HE DOES WHATEVER... ALTHOUGH, TO BE FAIR TO JOHN McCAIN, IT'S NOT LIKE THIS IS JUST HIS IRAQ STRATEGY. HE IS CONSISTENT. >> UKRAINE IS GOING TO NEED A LONG-TERM MILITARY ASSISTANCE PROGRAM FROM THE UNITED STATES. >> QUOTE, "IF THEY KNEW WHERE THEY WERE, I CERTAINLY WOULD SEND IN U.S. TROOPS TO RESCUE THEM, IN A NEW YORK MINUTE I WOULD." >> APPROPRIATE USE OF AIR POWER. AIR STRIKES ON ASSAD'S FORCE. >> YOU KNOW THAT OLD BEACH BOY SONG "BOMB IRAN," BOMB-BOMB-BOMB, BOMB-BOMB IRAN. ANYWAY... >> Jon: HA! THE JOHN McCAIN MILITARY VICTORY PLAN FOR AMERICA IS THE SAME AS THE JOHN MCCAIN MEDIA STRATEGY, BE EVERYWHERE FOREVER. WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
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Channel: Comedy Central
Views: 5,933,166
Rating: 4.9062567 out of 5
Keywords: Jon Stewart, The Daily Show, Daily Show videos, Now That's What I Call Music!, the daily show, jon stewart, john stewart, comedy central politics, the daily show episodes, comedy central, stand up comedy, comedians, comedy central comedians, comedy, funny, comedian, funny video, comedy videos, stand up videos, funny jokes, funny clips, hilarious videos, hilarious clips
Id: aqzzWr32srk
Channel Id: undefined
Length: 8min 40sec (520 seconds)
Published: Tue Jun 17 2014
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