The Corporal - SNL

>>> NOW WE RETURN TO 1955. WHAT DO YOU FIGURE IS GOING ON IN THAT HOUSE? [ LIGHT LAUGHTER ] >> WELL SISTER, TODAY IS THE DAY. >> YES. THE CORPORAL IS COMING FOR A VISIT TO PICK A WIFE. >> YES, THAT'S RIGHT. HE'S GOING TO PICK BETWEEN US SISTERS, WHOEVER IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL. >> WELL, WE KNOW HE'LL TAKE ME. I'M GORGEOUS. >> YES. >> DID I MISS THE CORPORAL? >> YOU'LL TELL ME WHEN HE'S HERE, RIGHT? >> ABSOLUTELY. >> WELL, I HOPE HE LIKES LOOKING AT ME. WHY DO WE KEEP ALL THESE MIRRORS COVERED? I WISH I KNEW WHAT I LOOKED LIKE. >> NO, YOU DON'T. >> YES, YOU LOOK LIKE A TOAD. >> YES LIKE A STINKY MAN FOOT. >> YES, LOOK. WE HAVE A PHOTOGRAPH OF YOU. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, THAT'S ME? >> YES. THIS IS THE BEST ONE WE'VE GOT. >> YES, NOW GO BACK UPSTAIRS. >> YOU'RE SO GOOD TO ME. >> SEEING HER MAKES ME WANT TO PUT ON A LOT OF MAKE-UP. >> I'LL PUT ON SOME ROUGE TO IMPRESS THE CORPORAL. >> YES. WELL, SO WILL I. HE'LL HAVE NO CHOICE BUT TO FIND ME GORGEOUS. >> YES. AND I'LL PUT ON MORE. SO I'LL BE SO PINK HE'LL HAVE TO MAKE ME HIS WIFE. >> YES, WELL SISTER, YOU LOOK STRESSED. HERE, I MADE YOU A DRINK. >> WHY, THAT'S A CUP OF PILLS. >> AH SO IT IS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OH, YOU JUST REMINDED ME. CARTIER SENT A NECKLACE FOR YOU. >> OH. >> HERE, TRY THIS ON. >> WHY, THAT'S A ROPE. >> OH, SILLY ME. >> WELL, SISTER, YOU HAVE SOME LIPSTICK ON YOUR TEETH. HERE, I'LL GET IT. [ LAUGHTER ] >> THAT'S A SHOTGUN. >> OH, WELL SO IT IS. I THOUGHT IT WAS A Q-TIP. >> I HEARD A COMMOTION. HAS THE CORPORAL ARRIVED? >> PLEASE, CAN'T I STAY? I'M GOING TO SEE THE MAN. CAN'T I HAVE A PEEK? >> WHAT DO YOU THINK? >> WELL, WE CAN'T HAVE HER BARGING IN HERE. LET'S KEEP HER CLOSE BUT KEEP HER HIDDEN. >> RIGHT, RIGHT. >> SISTER, YOU CAN STAY BUT YOU HAVE TO BE A COAT RACK. >> WELL, OF COURSE. BECAUSE OF HOW UGLY I AM. THANKS FOR REMINDING ME. I'LL BE A COAT RACK. [ LAUGHTER ] >> NO, NO. >> THAT'S UGLY. >> NO, THAT WON'T DUE. >> IS THERE A DOG IN HERE? >> WE'LL PUT YOU IN THE BIRD CAGE. >> YES. GOOD IDEA. WHILE I'M IN HERE, I'LL MAKE MYSELF USEFUL AND POLISH THE BARS. >> NO. >> NO. >> NO. THE CORPORAL WOULD HATE THAT. >> WE CAN'T HAVE HER MOVE. >> WELL ITS TOO DAMN HOT WHEN SHE MOVES. >> RIGHT. >> LET'S TIE HER TO THE BED. >> YES. TIE MY HANDS ABOVE MY HEAD AND MAKE SURE MY FEET ARE FAR APART SO I CAN'T UNTIE WITH MY TOES. >> OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? HEARING THAT OUT LOUD, THAT SOUNDS UGLY. >> RIGHT, RIGHT. MAYBE GRUNT A LOT SO HE KNOWS YOU'RE A TOAD. >> OH, GOOD IDEA. GOOD IDEA. OH! OH! OH! OH! >> OKAY, MEN HATE THAT. AND EVEN I HATE THAT A LITTLE BIT. >> SHE NEEDS TO BE SILENT. >> GOOD IDEA. MAYBE -- MAYBE YOU SHOULD STUFF A BIG SAUSAGE IN MY MOUTH. >> THAT FEELS LIKE SOMETHING. >> YES. SISTER, TRYING TO HIDE HER IS MAKING IT HARDER. >> YOU'RE RIGHT. WE NEED TO TAKE CARE OF HER. SISTER, LISTEN, IF YOU WANT TO MEET THE CORPORAL, YOU'LL NEED TO KNOW HOW TO KISS. ♪♪♪ >> DO YOU THINK HE'D WANT TO KISS ME? A GIRL WITH A DEADLY SHELLFISH ALLERGY? >> WELL, THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE TO PRACTICE ON THIS MAN. >> SO THAT'S WHAT A MAN LOOKS LIKE? >> YES. THEY'RE SMALL, AND THEY'RE LOBSTERS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY. HELLO, YOU BIG HUNK. ♪♪♪ OH. OH, NO. IT IS MAKING MY LIPS SWELL. OH, NO, HE'LL HATE THIS. [ LAUGHTER ] >> OKAY. WE HAVE TO SHOOT HER. [ GUN SHOTS ] >> NO! >> NOW ITS STRAPLESS, AND SHE'S GORGEOUS! >> YEAH, BUT SO ARE WE. YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S STILL ANYBODY'S GAME. >> OH, WHO WILL HE PICK? [ DOOR BELL ] >> Together: THE CORPORAL! >> HER! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 3,275,992

Rating: 4.9404492 out of 5

Keywords: snl, saturday night live, snl season 45, snl 45, jennifer lopez, beck bennett, aidy bryant, kate mckinnon, kyle mooney, the corporal, 1940s, sisters, competition, turner classics, s45, s45e8, episode 8, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, actor, musician, Jennifer Lopez, jlo, Hustlers, Second Act, on the floor, jenny from the block, Maid in Manhattan, the Wedding Planner, DaBaby, Vibes, Suge, Kirk, Bop

Id: ExMmplQIyO0

Length: 5min 10sec (310 seconds)

Published: Sat Dec 07 2019

Reddit Comments

[u/AwesomenessTiger]

'I also hate it a little bit.' Me too, lol.

[u/punchthekeys]

“Is that what men look like? Yes, they’re small and they’re lobsters.” Easily my favorite quote of the night!

[u/ChangingFiveHundred]

Back to the attic!!!!