Shud the Mermaid - SNL

♪♪♪ >>> TRUE TALES FROM THE SEA. FROM U.S. FIGHTER PILOT HARRISON BECKETT, 1944. >> MY PLANE WAS SHOT DOWN OVER THE PACIFIC. I FELL INTO THE SEA, AND SURRENDERED TO DEATH. YET I AWOKE ON THE SHORE OF A SMALL DESERTED ISLAND, ALL ALONE, OR SO I THOUGHT. HELLO? IS ANYONE THERE? >> NO ONE OF YOUR KIND. I AM TITACLES AND I RULE OVER THIS COVE. I SAVED YOU FROM A WATERY GRAVE AND THEREFORE I COMMAND YOU TO MARRY ONE OF MY DAUGHTERS. THE PLAYFUL OCEANA. >> HELLO, YOUNG SAILOR. SO BRAVE. SO HANDSOME. [ GOGGLES >> THE ADVENTUROUS AQUATICANA. >> OH, I HAVE NEVER SEEN A HUMAN MAN. THEY'RE SPLENDID. >> AND THE OTHER ONE, SHUD. [ LAUGHTER ] >> HEY, MAN. WHAT'S CRAPPENING? >> THE CHOICE IS YOURS. >> WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME? DO I REMIND YOU OF ANYONE? >> YES. POPEYE, IF HE MELTED. >> WELL, I KNOW I LOOK DIFFERENT FROM MY SISTERS. WHILE THEY ARE HALF MAIDEN, HALF MARLIN, I AM 15% MAIDEN AND 85% BLOB FISH, WHICH MEANS I'M MOSTLY GELATIN. >> OKAY. OKAY. I MEAN, HOW COULD I CHOOSE? TWO-THIRDS OF YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. >> IF YOU CHOOSE ME WE'LL SPEND OUR DAYS FROLICKING IN THE GROTTO. WHAT FUN! >> CHOOSE ME AND TOGETHER WE'LL EXPLORE THE WONDERS OF THE SEA. >> CHOOSE ME AND YOU'LL BE SPENDING A LOT OF TIME WITH THIS CHICK. >> OH. >> WHAT'S UP? [ LAUGHTER ] >> THIS IS MY BFF CONK, FELLOW DWELLER OF THE DEEP. >> I'M 8% WOMAN. 92 PERCENT ANGLER FISH. I'M FROM WAY DOWN DEEP WHERE ALL THE FREAKS HANG OUT HENCE THE READING LIGHT GROWING OUT OF MY HEAD. >> CONK KNOWS HOW TO PARTY NOW. IF YOU WANT COMPANY IN THE BEDROOM, CONK IS VERY MUCH DOWN TO CLOWN. >> OH, YEP. TWO WAY, THREE WAY, TWO WAY ME WATCHING, TWO WAY HER WATCHING, THREE OF US GOING SOLO, ALL WATCHING. ANY COMBO I'VE DONE, AND WILL DO AGAIN. >> HERE IS A LITTLE PREVIEW. >> OH, GOD. >> HELL YEAH. >> THAT'S HOT. >> SO HOT. >> WHEN YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH, SAY WHEN. PLEASE DON'T DO THAT EVER AGAIN. ANYWAY, I NEVER IMAGINED I WOULD ONE DAY MARRY A MERMAID. >> OH, LIFE WITH A MERMAID IS QUITE ENCHANTING. WE SING THE MOST BEAUTIFUL MELODIES. [ VOCALIZING ] ♪ THE SIMPSONS ♪ [ HUMMING "THE SIMPSONS" THEME ] >> IF YOU WERE TO CHOOSE ME, I WILL NEVER TIRE OF HEARING TALES OF LIFE ON LAND. >> IF I AM YOUR CHOICE, MY LOVE FOR YOU WILL GROW WITH EACH SUN RISE. >> TRUE TALK, I'M REALLY JUST IN THIS FOR THE BABIES. I'VE GOT ABOUT 5 MILLION EGGS THAT NEED FERTILIZATION YESTERDAY. BLOB FISH MATING FYI; MY FEMALE GONADS ARE WHERE MY MOUTH IS WHICH IS ALSO MY BUTT, BUT WE'LL MAKE IT WORK. >> PLEASE DON'T. >> A LITTLE ANGLER FISH INFO. DURING MATING THE MALE ATTACHES TO THE FEMALE AND THEN DIES. YOU DOWN FOR THAT? >> I AM NOT. >> OKAY, WELL JUST KNOW THIS, I'M AN OLD-FASHIONED KIND OF GIRL. WHEN MY MAN COMES HOME I LIKE TO HAVE DINNER READY FOR HIM. IN FACT, YOU LOOK A LITTLE HUNGRY RIGHT NOW. DO YOU LIKE SEA BASS? >> SO, NO. THANK YOU. >> IT GOT IN MY MOUTH. >> EAT UP BEFORE IT GETS WARM. >> NO, THANK YOU. I DON'T WANT IT. >> THAT SOUND! IT'S A RESCUE PLANE. I'M SAVED! I'M SORRY, LADIES, BUT I HAVE A LIFE BACK ON LAND. >> AW! >> COULD I JUST GET ONE KISS FOR THE ROAD? >> YES, SHUD. BUT ON THE CHEEK BECAUSE YOUR MOUTH IS ALSO YOUR BUTT. >> THANK YOU. GRAB HIM CONK. SORRY, GIRLS. GOT TO BE AGGRESSIVE NOWADAYS. ♪ THE SIMPSONS ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪♪♪

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 7,692,928

Keywords: SNL, Saturday Night Live, Season 42, Episode 1720, Scarlett Johansson, Kate McKinnon, Shud, Beck Bennett, Mikey Day, Blobfish, Mermaids, Cecily Strong, Sasheer Zamata, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, episode 16, lucy, ghost in the shell, black widow, avengers, rough night, sing, actress, model, lorde, singer, musician, green light, royals, liability, team, tennis court, mermaid

Id: gaoQ5mMRDhg

Length: 5min 20sec (320 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 12 2017