The Best NSFW History Facts That Actually Happened... (r/AskReddit)

our /oscar alert NSFW what is the best NSFW historical fact you know the ancient city of Alexandria had one of the most famous red-light districts brothels in the world once the prostitutes went on a strike and the economy of the city was a risk so Cleopatra consulted one of the wise men in the library and he suggested that they built another district as a competitor then they had two districts and the prostitutes of the first district had to end their strike Oh Wiseman the wenches aren't working and we are in financial ruin whatever shall we do smash his screeing bowl on the floor more ducking [ __ ] if only they narrated history like that st. Lawrence was martyred on a grid on his last words were I am well done on this side turn me over he's now the patron saint of cooks and comedians I'm not making any of this up Godin that is legendary literally William the Conqueror allegedly smashed his testicles on the pommel of his horses saddle which eventually killed him but that's not the end of it during his funeral ceremony they had placed him in a stone coffin slash sarcophagus thing it was unusually hot that day and his body swelled well the coffin did not so during his funeral where he died by smashing his nuts his body exploded that poor tyrant just couldn't be put into the ground fast enough at the time funerals and burials were usually arranged by people who loved the deceased unfortunately for the recently dead William he wasn't too liked he died campaigning against his own son and nobody really wanted to put on his funeral and so his dead and disgustingly fat body laid naked in a medical facility in round for some time until some random Knight took it upon himself to conduct the funeral little did the knight know when he took the task but William was to be buried in Keane which is about 70 miles away so the knight decided to try to embalm the king himself though I'm sure he winged most of it and found that most of his flesh and intestines were right with decomposition brave and on stomach night then filled his body as much as he could with herbs and stuff and went about the leisurely boat ride down the Seine where the dead and bloated King it gets worse by the time they got to Keene the intestine started to liquefy and filled the abdomen with putrid gas and so a second embalming took place and then a fire broke out in the city stopping the funeral for a few days as he continued to stink and decompose even further at this time his body was swelling more each day as the flames were put out around the city and the monks could attend the burial finally it was funeral time right wrong a legal dispute broke out over whether the church was built on the land of a local farmer bring in the 11th century lawyers fortunately it was only about a week before they had decided that the church was legally built on the land and that William could be buried there good news for all the bloated and liquefying body of William the Conqueror was finally getting a funeral the monks started pushing him into his sarcophagus and then they were about to put him into the ground but wait there's more the gravity gust didn't make the hole big enough suspending the funeral to widen the hole would take a whole day but it was a combination of the residual heat from the recent fires and the putrid stench coming from the body of William the Conqueror's body forced the monks gravida cos lawyers I am stomache night and a few nobles to take a calculated decision dig a wider hole of stuff the bastard because he was called William the bastard before Conqueror get it into the hole they shoved he exploded his grubs liquefied intestines and organs blood it gray matter and visceral fat shot over and covered everybody brave enough to call themselves attendants to the funeral of William of Normandy some say that this is no way to treat a dead body even by 11th century standards some say that he was a tyrant and treated everybody like hit and so the honor and dignity of a respectful funeral isn't needed here however I say albeit I'm just some dude on reddit that this was one final duck you to anybody around him I think that on some William would have wanted to explode over everybody like that because he was a cruel and spiteful person who generally regarded people as beneath him good on him he treated people in death exactly as he did in life a burden who will ruin your day no matter how much you tried to help edit I'm fully prepared for the pro-am historians to peck holes into this stream of consciousness here I'm to Runk to taste this chicken this is the story that got me into European history my history teacher was a miserable person but she knew exactly what to do to get certain kids interested Roman Emperor Commodus had a harem of 300 women and men and spent most of his time there if you had a harem that size you'd do the same trust me you'd find spot to hide away from the harem after two years the first vibrating toy was diesel-powered brrrr t TR RT t RT T RT T what's that noise oh that nothing just my wife's treatment for hysteria is she ducking him a 10 Belarus WWII a high-ranking Nazi officer had a brothel / concubine set up obviously not consensual while some of the leaders didn't like the situation and didn't like Nazis so they put a landline under his mattress I call it the Belarusian space program still safer is a space program than my death trap machines I make in KSP who needs symmetry when you can have even more acceleration not so much as historically as biblical according to the Bible right when Jesus is getting arrested by the Romans random unnamed naked guy just runs past everyone he is never mentioned again and it is unknown why they even put in the Bible it's mark 14 51 52 if you want to check it out he's probably going to be a key character in the second coming it's one of those Chekhov's guns things so the commie guy was actually onto something mathematician kurt gödel suffered from mental illness and was paranoid he was going to be poisoned he would only eat food his wife had prepared for him in 1977 she was hospitalized for six months and could no longer prepare his food in her absence he refused to eat and eventually starve to death he only weighed 65 pounds when he died he couldn't have made himself a god damn sandwich you fool what if he poisoned his food in ancient Greece prostitutes used to press follow me into their sandals so that when they walked it would imprint into the dirt or sand so when people saw it they'd know that they could follow the trail and it would end in a prostitute and maybe some ex there's a sculpture I love called the slipper slapper that shows Zephyr Dighton pan and she is edit my bad this is not true holding a sandal with follow me on the bottom baguette it sorry I appear to have misunderstood a professor and then didn't follow up before posting the slipper slapper is a beautiful sculpture but does not have follow me studied on the bottom in Greek my bad for not researching the statue more before posting ancient stuck my shoes when the nice shoes wanna duck pick up lime actually worked American as a replacement went for pubic hairs prostitutes used to use after they shaved this due to pubic lice mericans are regularly used in cinema for some reason it's more acceptable to show fake pubic hair than the real deal probably the actress does not want to go full frontal I thought it was for historical accuracy as women today tend to shave more than in the past George Washington in his youth was a handsome strapping young man that all the women and officers wives wanted to screw our founding father was a bit of a poon hound I heard he had like 30 goddamn fiends had a pocketful of horses 18th century Empress of Russia Catherine the Great employed foot two colours to turn her on her furniture had actual PM's on it carved furniture beans a lady I can respect for that if nothing else define actual the one about Gandhi regularly group bathing group sleeping / cuddling and getting strip teasers and lap dances from really young women one of which was his grand or great-grand I can't recall nice to test his exhale restrained or whatever Lal Gandy was was a huge hunt that's why he looks everybody in the war for Texas Independence against Mexico after the Battle of the Alamo there was this Mexican woman who was a spy for Texas nicknamed the Yellow Rose of Texas she went and seduced the Mexican general Santa Anna and while they were hooking up the Texans did a surprise attack and slaughtered many Mexicans and won the war probably got some facts wrong law WTF they didn't teach me this in fourth-grade Texas history I was told that he was just sleeping I was told that he was just sleeping lead whit some [ __ ] Hitler had the hots for his niece jelly Robel 17 23 years old who was found dead in her bedroom after she shot herself in the chest with his own gun noting the fact that she lived with him until 1931 there are a lot of controversial aspects to that story but also a lot of interesting pieces of information some historians speculate that they had a bizarre relationship and that probably she was the love of his life he mourned her death for a week locked in her bedroom denied food and wanted to kill himself after that he kept her room as a shrine and kept her memories with him until near his death so weird when banging your underage niece isn't the worst things you did in life tbh him starting to think this Hitler guy might not be so great in 2017 Oscar world was among an estimated 50000 men who were pardoned for homo axel acts that were no longer considered offenses under the policing and Crime Act 2017 the act is known informally as the Alan Turing law not that it matters to mister will now but 130 years is a long time to wait to have your name cleared to which mr. will probably would have blithely quipped better to have been infamous than not Alterman patty Shaw selim ii died by stepping on a soap and falling while chasing girls in his hary at least his last memory was looking at bodacious bouncing buttocks and bouncy bombastic breasts after narrow how can you have a rena set W history thread without naming him kicked his wife to death he met a young boy named spores according to some spores held somewhat of a resemblance to narrows late killed wife Poppaea and so narrow had a boy castrated and married him during the marriage they appeared in public as a happy couple as Niro paraded his new bride around to grease and then back to Rome where he had married another guy named Pythagoras not the math sky narrow called pythagoras his husband and called spor as his wife spora swooz labeled the Empress a lot of people think that narrows up to spores because of the guilt he felt for kicking his wife to death as he even called spores poppier the wife he kicked to death needless to say Niro had issues and is classic in SFW history he ran the gamut of mfk with his mom killed his wife castrated boys who looked like his dead murdered wife and kept them around for his pleasure slash guilt married strong dudes not that there's anything wrong with that and ended up killing himself I'm positive a lot of his history is propaganda and I recognize how mental illness still goes diagnosed in today's world not to mention the ancient world also trying to look through the anti narrow and revisions to find the truth is supremely challenging but damn that hit isdocked most likely he didn't kick her to death that was a rumor started by the patrician class who despised him she most likely died from complications of miscarriage the lower-class folks loved him most likely hard to separate what is truth and what are rumors that became the history with any person let alone an extreme situation like narrow don't know if it's true but my history teacher told me about this one prostitute that got out of dying or something by showing the judges her boobs claiming it would be against gods to destroy something so beautiful according to the story I heard that was in ancient Greece which believed Beauty was an indicator of virtue thus her deference rested on being so beautiful she was obviously too virtuous to commit the crime edit fixed spelling if I remember correctly she was on trial for blasphemy or something akin Felicia Kaja second king in cassia dynasty in Iran about two hundred years ago had 160 wives nasarah din shot catcher had about 50 in Islam you're not allowed to marry more than four wives at the same time it is said that Nasiruddin Shah was once walking in his palace and saw a beautiful girl and asked if he could marry her everyone was looking at him weirdly and he asked why one of his servants said that she was his daughter but did he marry her gladly no I can't bear the fact that he had so many wives don't want to add incest to it ducking like and subscribe [Music]

Channel: Reddit & Chill

Views: 639,080

Rating: 4.9307747 out of 5

Keywords: askreddit funny, askreddit scary, reddit top posts, askreddit comedy, askreddit stupid, askreddit, top posts, r/, r/askreddit, best of reddit, top posts of all time, toad films, tz reddit, updoot reddit, reddit and chill, What Is The Best NSFW History Fact You Know?, The Best NSFW History Facts That Actually Happened... (r/AskReddit), history askreddit, askreddit history, ask reddit facts

Id: uEWBz2jIxrQ

Length: 14min 25sec (865 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 31 2019