ULTIMATE Best of Jake Peralta | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

oh hey Captain did you get my report on the Finley murder uh yeah I looked it over nice work good thanks Dad why is everyone staring at me [Applause] [Music] Amy fun thing about working cases you meet people from all over the world okay basal body temperature is optimal let's do this quickly oh Amy I'm not some faucet you can just turn on and off you got a romance me Foster Tom Let's uh I'm gonna call halt you want to come yeah too bad you're not invited I'm in charge bye I've been chasing this guy for three months I've got him dead to rights fingerprints Witnesses it's in the bag so I'm just gonna grab a healthy breakfast are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up breakfast burrito but yeah I pity your dentist ah joke's on you I don't have a dentist then we figured out how to be good parents TV and cake where are my parents come with me hey me to the dumpster me and Amy go and dive in in the dumpster no not some point maker shot taker making girls hot like oats the Quaker hey man you're wrapping yeah I had to see where it was going where's the good Drive-In in a car destination drug dealers bar pass the mic right over to Charles we forgot Charles but we can't turn back cause we've gone too far we have to turn back though we can't leave them it was a good rhyme though Die Hard is the best cop movie of all time One Cop heroically saving the day while everyone else stands around and watches it's the story of my life so Kevin I hear you're a professor at Columbia that's right yes I had the classics Department ah interesting Classics Zeppelin Hendrix die hard total Classics head over here I'm joking obviously I know what the classics are the Odyssey and the one you said when we got here the wolf one Globes are for a 25 year old Port seems appropriate I would have gone 10. I don't know what poor it is destined it's been a while mind if I asked you a few questions well well well if it isn't joke Peralta so you're under arrest removable [Music] police tactic Sarge cover every exit it was a sealed window on the fifth floor you could have just gone in the door with Charles yeah but then what would my catchphrase have been knock knock who's there Justice ooh that's actually amazing Charles write that down already did Sam straight up depressed Amy's been doing her best to cheer me up she gave me the sticker this morning just for waking up yeah it's like you're dating your teacher I know it's so hot meanwhile Holt won't even talk to me how is he by the way honestly terrible I've only heard from him once this week and that was to tell me he'd finally come up with a new non-threatening term for task forces y'all ready for this do groups wow that sucks tremendously can I have another Port you're still drinking that stuff yeah Hulk got me hooked on it I even got a bottle for my house it's really classing up the booze and take out menu's Shelf wait a minute I think I just figured something out I gotta go aren't you forgetting something uh no pay your bill damn who raised you you just called Captain hold dad he said thanks Dad what no I didn't I said thanks man do you see me as a father figure Peralta no if anything I see you is a bother figure because you're always bothering me hey show your father some respect well when you finally change lanes an hour from now you should go talk to Jake super see if there was a power outage what oh why would you do that I just broke into your car and then popped up without warning not cool two three four [Applause] wait have you never been to therapy no don't need it not even after the time your wife shot you nope what about when you were held at gunpoint and had to write your own suicide note that was crazy I forgot about that or when you were falsely accused of bank robbery and went to prison was that a big deal you joined a gang and tried math I didn't want to be anyone's let's keep it a scap cat boo but it happened Jazz Jazzy jazz jazz [Music] that's all you prepped yeah I just searched my heart and then wrote down how I was feeling I'm Gonna Eat You Alive you dumb son of a cool and then we'll have kids together yeah it's gonna be great okay the topic today here are two pictures one is your locker the other is a garbage dump in the Philippines can you tell which is which that one's the dump they're both your locker I should have guessed that he's good five years instead of 20. oh that's tough but fair I can see why you have such intense daddy stuff with him oh yeah the guy without a daddy is the one with daddy issues explain that logic hey Sarge large and in charge like El Debarge quick question Mario is doing it with Theresa Teresa is doing it with Paulie I knew that Paulie is doing it with Lisa and Lisa's doing it with Anthony I really like this song did you come up with the melody I'm pretty sure I did Freddy is cheating with Bianca G but also with her younger sister Valerie no thank you sir I'll take it from here very poetic if I might offer a counter Toast of sorts captain dozerman and I we weren't together for very long in fact his co-workers our relationship was only six days but that's not nothing it was long enough for me to know that we had something special and sure there may be obstacles him having passed away for example but I'm not giving up on us and I don't care if I get demoted I just care about being with you captain dozerman an adult man who's passed into the Netherworld number one could you please sing the opening to I Want It That Way really okay you are My Fire number two keep it going the one desire number three believe when I say number four I want it that away tell me why ain't nothing but a heartache tell me why ain't nothing but a mistake now number five I never wanna hear you say [Applause] ah chills literal chills it was number five number five killed my brother oh my God I forgot about that party so how did you two finally get together after all these years oh uh you know I just been crazy about her forever and then one day I picked up my battered old guitar and I sang her a song how did it go oh you don't want to hear it yes I do well I don't have my guitar here sing the song Rosa Rosa Rosa Rosa Rosa Rosa d s t s d s d s d s d s d s d s Rosa Diaz Rosa Diaz Diaz Rosa Rosa Diaz Diaz you are so cool sounds better with a guitar what is that smell that is the absence of urine you gotta leave Brooklyn to get that no urine I could get used to this oh yes and that's just the beginning my friend just wait till you're sitting Fireside sipping on a premium Chinese scotch and smoking a sweet Rwandan cigar okay okay I probably could have done without the countries of origin but that sounds great yeah what else do you have planned ah so much I'm talking fishing I'm talking poker I'm talking frisbee boy what else am I talking Wildflower picking so we can make our own cologne nope I was talking bonfires and s'mores but that's my fault for throwing to you how much to take this bad boy home actually that's one of our more reasonable models yeah holy Moses that is much too much money well you spent twice that for Mr Met to come to your birthday party yeah and it was worth it Mr Met used my bathroom number two that's a memory I will cherish forever I left food everywhere this drawer is completely full of maggots now want to get a drink no I think I'm just gonna stay here and stare into the maggot drawer hey that's a good name for a death metal song stare into the maggot draw please don't call me there okay fine I'll just call you the Mish no wait Missy Elliot no wait Mitch's doubt fire oh my God what what is it look atomi Plaza it's the most important monument in all of America the building from Die Hard can we go in can we pair our specs oh our flight leaves in three and a half hours and but it's like what is time even hashtag Legalize It can we go in sir fine just make it quick yes pull it over there Argyle before this is the name of the driver in the movie we're going to Dr Tommy Plaza there's gonna be role play Amy Santiago I want to change mattresses for you that's the best thing I've ever heard I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner I think I was just scared that you were gonna realize you're way better than me like your Orangina and I'm orange soda are you kidding you're Orangina ugh don't say that Jake Karen is a grown woman with a pretty respectable credit score I'm sure she knows what she's doing Amy I know that you have a binder But You Don't Know Her Like I Do she's too trusting for her own good she's fallen for more Nigerian scams than Scully she's fallen for 20 Nigerian scams 20 that's insane no she's fallen for two scully's fallen for 20s got bad guys it's barley and James barley and jams are on the case please hey everybody a couple things about my management style number one don't nobody ask me about what's in my cut we ain't gonna have no problems uh two I believe in the power of nicknames smile face senorita swag and you my friend we will call Mr Fart seems rather unprofessional he called you Mr Fart Mr Fart thanks Kahuna guys can I get real with you for one sec I used to work for a real stickler type of guy that just got off on telling me what to do one time he invaded my private space and stole my stuff why would he do that perhaps he had a good reason wrong Mr Fart he was a jerk and he sucked but he was the one who motivated me to get off my ass and get this job so in a way we really have him to thank for all this happening give it up how great is this guy Greg wait that's Greg the stoner yeah look at him he's such a roster oh total roster hey Bob sweet Bob Bob and the mob mob bub fine he's still on the case and Jay got cops with the wise truck and kept it all over the ride they'll have the pictures wherever they go the talking dog flies in outer space hey everyone sorry I'm late so what's this secret meeting all about you guys know I'm not medically cleared for another week it's not a secret meeting Jake it's an intervention the tips have to go what why take we're worried about you and you look very stupid come on guys I think they're kind of cool retro no they're terrible Amy come on you're digging the tips right no I feel like I'm kissing Vanilla Ice there was a time you would have jumped at that chance you have to go all right you guys got me I did it as a joke I kept them ironically pretty funny right I'm just gonna head out yeah [Applause] thank you okay okay wait wait wait okay I'll admit it I went too deep down there at one point I think I forgot where the tip of me ended and the base of the tips began before we just chop them off would anybody like to say some final words no that was one word that counts thank you Rosa okay I'm ready sorry I'm late everyone but trust me it's worth it me and Jake are chip buds what no [Applause] no you know what I do see it it's bad it looks bad uh I wish you were alive dog today God will give you a high five oh he gave himself a keychain [Music] look your dead friend in the eyes and say his name Robert okay maybe say his full name Robert his middle name's Henry Robert Henry Tupper his wife called him Rob work that in robbed up work it in the full name Robert Rob Henry tough now say it with a frown on your face Robert Rob Henry now try not to Blink so tears come into your eyes Robert Rob Henry tough man this guy is a good murderer there's gonna be some way to break him wait a minute I just had an idea two three four [Music] [Applause] [Music] yeah I really gotta stop trying that it never works he's gonna transfer out of the Nine-Nine that's what this is all about he's still trying to undermine the man what no the opposite of anything I want to see him succeed I'm trying to over mine him oh you know I hate it when you make up words Peralta are you still mad at me for saying snack accident yes very so you heroically fought off three guys and that puts you in a bad mood if I did that I would literally write a song about myself it would be like Jake the hero abs of steel remember what you gonna do with all that hunch all that hunch inside your brain we're gonna solve this case solve this case right in your face should probably leave this prison you see the food in prison was inedible all I thought about day and night were the things I wished I was eating and you Amy I thought about you a lot sex with you just us doing sex with foreplay great safe babe thanks you're right thanks Terry oh my man what are you doing whatever it takes to make Amy happy you told me to do this now let's get these gift bags to the menu oh my God why did you do that because I care oh it feels so good why'd you bring a second window fool you know you're really stepping on my moment here Terry I love Amy baby names I like that I thought you would Doug and Jake rolling down the street PB and J a tasty little tree two cool dudes making sandals for your feet what I was going for the rhyme but now I kind of feel like it's a good idea love it making sandals that last is our ideology Made Real by our patented strapless technology it's magnets oh okay yo you can wear him on the beach wear them on a hike wear them on a Peloton exercise bike Doug and Jake all right that was crazy he never even rehearsed it just did it perfectly all right so I was unable to get the CDs however I can sing you a very soothing tune something like going to get that feeling I need Sexual Healing oh boy [Music] [Music] no applause wow okay so we are way behind picking out napkins took up a shockingly large part of the day which is funny because of my regular life I don't use napkins ever that's gross but the good news is your groom gut is all fired up she sure is and she's hungry for tasks your groom gut is a woman yeah why I think it's really cool oh thanks all right let's crush this list calla lilies do you think I'm planning a funeral I want dahlias oh no no Brown sprinkles at the ice cream bar do you think I'm planning a funeral give me rainbow mini lamb shanks do you think I'm planning a funeral swap them out for some tiny tuna tacos understand a few funeral thing because my groom gut has a catchphrase look at this I cleared all my alarms we're amazing should we start a business where we just become professional choosers we could call it pro-choice industry you're right that name is needlessly political but the business idea is solid no I'm not talking about that all those decisions you made you are way over budget oh no break my heart say you love me again you know what I like this song wait shut up shut up the nerve unbelievable [Music] do you think he killed her and dumped her body in the park sounds like couples counseling is going really great for them sorry my partner doesn't believe in therapy oh that's fine it's hard for some people that title you're sex tape are you normally so Cavalier around murder investigations yes we see a lot of darkness in our line of work and humor is one of our coping mechanisms it's self-preservation through disassociation and another thing you should appreciate Amy Moore because she's amazing and another thing when you come to visit us you don't have to bring your own coffee our coffee is fine and another thing I know enough Spanish to understand what idiot what that means and another thing when you say I have an interesting nose I know you mean big I got lost in it Methodist hospital called this morning apparently a 38 year old investment banker was admitted last night with a broken penis it looks like whoa whoa there's a finance guy with a broken dog uh me think some Wolf of Wall Street style shenanigougals have taken place this day anyone care wager guesses to how this happened yeah I bet he dipped it in a pile of cocaine got a real numb and then hit a croquet ball with it totally possible he probably sat on it got under his butt happens all the time sure do you guys are horrible and you're wrong because he was clearly driving his Bentley naked tried to pee out the window and was then struck by a goose on the Wang is that what happened sir was he struck by a goose he was actually struck by a female co-worker who claims he attempted to sexually assault her I remember saying it can't be Henderson remember we made up that little song Can't Be Henderson Anderson's not the one back to the drawing board Henderson's on the Move Santiago is running perimeter control Peralta you're in charge of the man hunt for the shooter oh my God it's a man boy I'm gonna look strange into the camera and say if the shooter is watching I hope you like living between Saint Charles Place and Connecticut Avenue I don't get it it's for Monopoly that's where jail is whatever it was a good line keep briefing every Hotel safe has an override code in case guests leave them locked that code is kept on the concierge's computer do you know who this is this is Matt Daniel the most popular male ASMR performer on Twitch ASMR performer someone who speaks real soft we're trying to stream and the noise on the eighth floor is unacceptable I'm so sorry I can't hear you he says that's the point Georgina this is taking too long make a video tell your 25 million subscribers to never stay at this crap Hotel no no I'll take care of it let me talk to my general manager restrain your beautiful voice number eight number eight way to stay alive number eight still live number eight still alive moment of silence for the first seven though will you join me in Terry's office private Rendezvous it's still trying to make a baby thing it's got you super freaky Terry what's up dude what did you think was happening he clearly thought you were gonna have secret sex in here what what inappropes much I did not think that Amy did she texted me about it see proof anyway what do we have here it appears a crime has been committed and no one will confess doing a German accent I was going for Belgium if I can murder on the Orient Express you sound like a Nazi okay not a great note to hear I'll just use my normal voice oh we gotta put that behind us because my friend Charles the horse was a great idea but we don't have time for you to have a heart to heart with us just a very emotional Jake take care of my friend four-legged bastard you know now that I'm up here I realize I don't know how to ride a horse it's probably pretty self-explanatory right [Music] and so on to the briefcase goes the crown didn't sing it with me beefer's birthday start and then a bunch of Mets are here present day or 86. both I'm gonna escort him back well they stole their own books it's plain to see but who's on the case The Adams Family Terry is Gomez I'm cousin it you are Wednesday let's do this okay we should go you guys probably don't know this but my parents got divorced when I was a kid and it really messed me up yeah why do I talk about it a lot it doesn't matter the point is we can't let that happen to Daddy Holt and daddy Kevin so we're just dispensing with subtext now yes this workplace is my family was that not clear Holt is my dad you remind me an older sister Amy's my mom what what Franzia disappears into these crazy underground tunnels should we have to switch over to night vision and Charles it's all so awesome but I actually have to stop you because I gotta go I have to feed this baby some mushed up avocado oh my God what happened is Mac okay let's pulled himself so I wake in the morning [Music] thank you

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 767,301

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Stephanie Beatriz, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Detective Charles Boyle, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, NBC, Terry Jeffords, Amy Santiago, Sitcom, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn 99 funny moments, brooklyn 99 jake peralta, brooklyn 9 9, brooklyn nine nine, brooklyn 99 jake

Id: u7Uh2tvEBx8

Length: 23min 2sec (1382 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 30 2023