Testimony of SaMonna Watts | Trusting God When it Doesn't Make Sense

good evening oh good what a beautiful ministry in song we've heard this evening reminds me of my good old Oakwood days love this school has anybody in the building ever experienced trouble anybody well trouble came knocking on my door in 2014 and it wasn't just an ordinary knock it was a relentless knock that could not be ignored and as hard as I tried not to allow trouble to come into my life trouble came in like a flood and I quickly realized that the author of trouble has sent trouble my way to destroy me but praise God the author of victory had allowed trouble to come my way to refine me and teach me what it meant to trust him even when it doesn't make sense can we pray dear Heavenly Father I'm asking you actually I'm begging you to come in this place this evening and speak through me lord please Lord your name I pray amen it was February 20th 2014 at 2:00 a.m. in the morning but my husband and I we were woken by the cries of my five-year-old son he was screaming that his head hurt so we got up and we immediately rushed him to the emergency room when we got there a whole bunch of tests were done and we were there for hours and hours and we're waiting and trying to figure out what is going on with his head and after hours of waiting finally the doctor came but he asked us to step out of the room that we were in and go into a separate room where he closed the door behind us and asked us to please take a seat he had some concerning news to tell us and he then told us that he saw two masses on our son's brain after that conversation I remember walking down the hall of the hospital with knees that were literally too weak to hold up the weight of my body and a kind nurse led me into a room where I can have some privacy and when I was in the room I literally collapsed to the ground and I cried out to the Lord or this is heavy this is trouble god I need you to help me in God take it away and you know what else God I won't speak for you if it means I have to go through this trial with my son and let me rewind five months prior to this you can understand why I said that in September of 2013 I had been wrestling with God and I asked God what's my purpose not my career what's my purpose I want to be fulfilled and God showed me and it was very clear to me that God wanted me to speak for him so I was excited about this and in this conversation with God he reminded me that he had given me the spiritual gifts of faith and exhortation so I want you to speak for me but I want you to encourage other people in the Lord so I'm like okay God good so here I am in February in the emergency room and things start clicking I'm like oh oh no God because I know how you operate I've seen it happen too many times people that you use to encourage others often have gone through hell mm-hmm and no I'll pass there are enough people on this earth who have went through trouble that can speak for you you don't need me and I remember in that moment it's just like God he's so awesome you guys he's really is awesome God because when I was on my knees telling that to the Lord God literally spoke to me and this is what he said he said Simona what makes you think I won't bring you through this trial victorious and I was like Wow God Wow and he said I've been preparing you for this and indeed he had and I can tell you when I graduated from Oakwood my life up until graduation local college then it was college life was easy I did what I was supposed to do and everything just fell in order like it should I wanted good grades I wanted a scholarship I studied hard I got them it was easy but when I graduated from Oakwood I was accepted into medical school and I was excited about this but what I did not realize is that I was also accepted into another school a school that I did not apply for nor did I ask to be enrolled in and if I had received an acceptance letter it would have went something like this dear Simona congratulations you've been accepted into the school of faith and trust it's a school where the curriculum will not be easy it's going to be hard and you're going to want to quit many times as a matter of fact you're going to want to leave the school but don't worry I'm with you you'll make it through love you sine God and I can tell you this my experience like I said when I went to medical school was the beginning of trouble for me but it was a growth experience and I can remember it was just so funny my first exam in medical school I studied hard and I'm an A student I've always gotten A's and an honor roll you know all that good stuff and I studied hard the same way I studied here at Oakwood and I got my first exam the results back it wasn't an A it wasn't a B it wasn't a C it wasn't the it was a F and I was like what never failed anything in my life this has got to be a joke but then I quickly realized that the effort that I put in an undergrad to get an undergrad degree wasn't the kind of effort that you need when you're in grad school or in doctoral school you got to step it up and then there's a bigger spiritual lesson in that because says I don't care about you being a doctor that's not my concern I'm concern is growing you spiritually so now that I'm going to take you to the next level spiritually it's going to get tough and tough it was now at that point in time in my life school was everything I didn't care about being married I don't care about any of that stuff all I cared about was getting through school and no matter how hard I tried it was difficult it got to the point where just comical I studied my behind off and I was not doing well and the professors at the school I mean they they were so kind they cared so much I remember having a meeting with them and they said Simona we know how you feel about the Sabbath thing but just study on Sabbath God will understand and I was like Lord this is so humiliating Here I am upholding your name and everybody knows that I don't stay on Sabbath and I'm the one failing and then I had classmates who would not take a test unless I prayed for them go figure I'm the one praying I'm the one feeling it's like God you have a real sense if you were here and halfway through Medical School here comes the board's and I didn't pass and I got the letter from Howard saying sorry you are dismissed and I was crushed I was crushed but I can tell you with all confidence that I know God was blocking it I literally know that God put me there for a purpose so I could experience that so he can grow me now God is a merciful guy when he takes you down he always brings you back up because within a year I was in law school on a full scholarship having received many letters from Ivy League schools asking me to apply God was restoring me he was fixing the pain that I had experienced through the failure but I really really got a chance to understand God because I was desperate so I was learning what it meant to really depend upon him so that was just the beginning of my troubles and there were many many troubles after that but that was the pivotal moment in my life so here I am in February with my son complaining about his head and the ironic thing about it when I was talking to the Lord about it I said God you can't let anything happen to this son because guess what when my husband and I decided it was time for us to start a family we tried we tried and no matter how hard we tried or how much fun we had trying it didn't work it was as if God said no the womb was closed so it's like god this is not fair again you do what you're supposed to do and it doesn't happen so we started praying we're praying we're praying we're seeking God God what is the deal and God let's tell you this if you bless us with a child we will dedicate this child to you we will do everything in our power to raise him in a way where he will please you he'll be different from other children god this is what we'll do whatever sacrifice I have to do my sacrifice my career I don't care I will do what's necessary if you bless us with a child and God while we're asking please give us a boy and God answered that prayer he gave us the gift of braden and I can tell you I know Vann will say the same God answered our prayer above and beyond a beautiful child happy child me he awesome child but here we are in February in the hospital so after they gave us his news we were immediately transported to Children's National Medical Center for further testing and we got there here they come yes this is serious we need to have surgery to resect these two masses as soon as possible Lord it doesn't make sense but I'm going to trust you so surgery went well and when the surgeon came out I remember as clear as day he came out he said everything went fine but this is cancer I was like god this doesn't make sense but I'm going to trust you there were several days later we found ourselves sitting in front of a medical team after all the test results had come back and we were there so they could tell us exactly what we were facing and they informed us that yes our son did have cancer it was a pediatric brain cancer called medulla blastoma but it wasn't just any old medulloblastoma it was one of the most aggressive forms any child could have Lord this doesn't make sense I will trust you we're going to trust you life or death we're going to trust you and then they informed us that because what we were dealing with if we wanted to give Braden a shot at life he was going to have to undergo high doses a proton radiation treatment and several high doses of chemotherapy and the worst part about that was they tell you this is a work them do to treat him but he's going to lose part of his hearing and his mental capabilities will be diminished from the medication lord this doesn't make sense God but we're going to trust you we're going to trust you anyhow as difficult as it was so before they sent us off to Philadelphia because the radiation treatment wasn't available to us in the Maryland DC area I was having a conversation with God and God really impressed upon my heart he said you know what in the good times or in the bad praise praise praise praise you don't wait we all say that stuff don't wait till the battle is over shout now we say it but when you're in the midst of the storm God says you do it right now because I'm worthy of the praise regardless of your situation I'm worthy of your praise so he put together a corporate praise we call it the praise party and we got together and we praise the name of the Lord on Braden's behalf and it was such a powerful powerful powerful service that I really felt that God had empowered us so we could make it through the next stages so we went to Philadelphia and we went to the treatment there and we came back from Philadelphia we were preparing to start chemo and the doctors said okay there was a lump on Braden's neck and I remember the conversation and our doctor said now it's probably a lymph node because this type of cancer doesn't come outside the brain that's highly unlikely okay don't don't worry about it so they did the test and here we go again please come into the room close the door sit down we won't be starting chemo this is very rare but the cancer is all over your son's gonna die and they sent us home with a referral for hospice I'm just like lord I was so weak but I said God I'm gonna trust you no matter what and at that point god I know what the doctor said but I know the kind of guy that I serve if he decides he can heal a child who the doctor said will not live another day will not live another second if he decides that's what's best so at that point we found a doctor in Mexico who practiced alternative therapy who said he could treat Brayden at least try the cost of the therapy was fifty thousand dollars and we received the news on Friday Friday they told us go home there's nothing we can do we sent out a war-cry on Facebook let me tell you how good god is he's a merciful and kind God we had fifty thousand dollars and were on a plane on Monday morning fifty thousand dollars and some of you in here may have donated and if you did just thank you thank you because God God is just so good he knew what we needed at that time and we went to Mexico and stuff happened lord have mercy stuff happened and then we left Mexico we ended up in California and this time we said okay we had to take him to Loma Linda this whole thing is painful it's painful it's like god this stuff hurts I've never experienced anything like this in my life and while we're at Loma Linda the doctor came back for the tests and Van and I were just sitting like I mean what what else could they tell us I mean honestly you told us the worst but this doctor had one better Wendy Kay I mean the situation is not funny but sometimes you just got laugh because he came in he stood before us and I know he was so worried about telling us this but he said it's horrific I was like oh really that's a new mad term it's horrific it was like God like really and the whole time believing and trusting that God is going to heal Braden because in my mind what would make sense is this God you have thousands of people praying for this child God we're trusting you no matter what God isn't it time that you do a miraculous healing like you did in Bible days so all the hospital workers and everyone will know that there is still a God in Israel who heals that made sense to me and God this is the child that you gave us as a result of our earnest prayers you know with Brady has a work to do God and how speaking Braden will be my testimony he'll be right there with me God what an awesome testimony that will be that makes sense but two weeks later my husband and I we had a conversation and just like just like light balls went off this whole time you've been praying believing that it was God's will cuz I truly believed it to you Braden and it was like whoa what if it's not God's will to heal Braden so we talked and we got on our knees and we prayed next to his bed and this is the prayer that I prayed I said God if it's your will to heal Braden please heal him if it's your will for him to die we accept it but whatever your will is lord please do it now it was too painful y'all it was too painful I it's my child and watching this torture and in 15 minutes he breathed his last breath 15 minutes and let me tell you why God is merciful this went on for almost six months and based upon what the doctors are saying Braden he honestly he should've been gone long time ago but God knew my mind and my heart was not ready he had to wait until I got to the point where I truly accepted it and let me tell you God's peace filled that room I couldn't I would never imagined that I would be in the room with my child going to sleep in Jesus hallelujah in Jesus in Jesus and we would be okay we weren't screaming weren't hollering we were praying and trusting God through the pain trusting God when it doesn't make sense now several months ago one of my friends told me about this show called married at first sight has anybody heard of it she told me about it I was like that show sounds crazy but she got me and I started watching it and it's a very very interesting show and here's the premise of the show they have a bunch of singles who are looking for love you know it's a matchmaking show they're looking for loves they go to these experts and these experts consists of a sociologist a clinical psychologist a sexologist and a spiritual adviser these four experts who do extensive studying and testing on this group of singles and the idea is they have the knowledge and expertise to find a mate for you that has characteristics that will allow you guys to have a good healthy marriage so the catch is and they match you up you don't meet this person until your wedding day hence the title of the show married at first sight it's some arranged marriages at its finest so I'm watching the show and one of the couples really stood out to me and if any of you had saw this program Jamie and Doug Jamie and Doug and here's the situation Jamie she is looking for a mate and matter of fact they say she was on The Bachelor she's all over in reality TV trying to find a spouse and she comes to the point where she realizes or she thinks you know what I can't do this for myself let me go to the experts because maybe they can do something for me that I can't do for myself so she goes and she puts her trust in these experts and so here comes the wedding day Jamie is looking beautiful in her dress her hair is done just right her makeup is beautiful and she's anxious she's nervous she's excited natural for anyone about to get married and then the moment comes where she lays her eyes on her groom Doug and Jamie's smile fades away she is horrified now we don't know exactly why Jamie was horrified I don't know if it was how Doug talked his swag or lack of swag or how he we don't know but Jamie was not happy with the choice that the experts had made for her and in the next scene in her wedding dress you see Jamie on the floor crying crying at the sight of Doug but the interesting thing is as time goes on if you watch the show as the week's go by Jamie starts to like Doug then Jamie starts to fall in love with Doug and by the end of the show Jamie is happily married to Doug and here's the thing the experts knew some things that Jamie did not know they realized that Jamie came from a you know kind of shaky background and dug him from a very stable background the kind of background that she was longing to have they knew that Jamie had trust issues and that Doug was so committed and so googoo gaga over Jamie that he would be there with her no matter what the experts knew what was best for Jamie even though Jamie didn't realize it at the time and I tell you that because so often you and I are Jamie we go to the expert god of everything in our life he is the expert and we trust him we ask him to do things in our lives but then when we see the expert move and in the way that he's moving does not make sense to us we like Jamie find ourselves on the ground crying out and our trust is wavering in the expert but if we would commit to trusting him just like Jamie in the process of time we will see that the expert made all the sense in the world all the sense in the world even if you don't come to that conclusion until glory trust the expert and here's what God wants you to know God says I'm trustworthy I am you can trust me I'm trustworthy because in isaiah 55:8 through 9 i tell you that my thoughts are not your thoughts my ways are not your ways as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my thoughts and my ways higher than yours I want what's best for you you can trust me and God says if you trust me and you follow the instructions in proverbs 3 verses 5 through 6 which says lean not into your own understanding acknowledge me and then I can direct your paths you'll be okay because I'm trust worthy and then if you do that you can receive the blessings that I tell you about in Ephesians 3 verse 20 which says exceedingly abundantly above all that you ask or think I am trustworthy God says even if what I do doesn't make sense to you you can trust me you can trust me now one of the verses that I've come to really enjoy on trust it's Ibaka chapter 3 verse 17 through 19 and God showed me this verse not about it two years ago and this verse really just resonated with me it says although the fig tree shall not blossom neither shall fruit being the vines the labor of the olives shall fail and the field shall yield no meat the flock shall be cut off from the fold there shall be no herd in the stalls yet I will rejoice in the Lord I will joy in the God of my salvation the Lord God is my strength what is her back and saying in this verse he's saying listen there's no food there's no figs coming out the tree there's no oil to light our lamps or to cook our food there's no wheat for us to make bread there's no sheep for us to use the wool to make clothes or to eat there are no cattle in the stalls life is jacked up but you know what I'm going to rejoice I'm going to rejoice in the Lord and it's a beautiful verse but I just want to tell you how I back I got here because if you study the book of Habakkuk it's a short little book Habakkuk is a prophet who is disturbed Judah is acting up you know you go through the Bible Judah is always acting up that's how we are always acting up and the back is like no no God hated do something about this so he goes and talks to God about it and God comes back and tells her back exactly how he's gonna fix this sin problem in Judah and he tells them yeah I'm gonna fix it I'm gonna send the child Dean's and they're gonna handle Judah so back is like Oh what did you just say you're gonna send the child dance not not that wicked nation no no no that that doesn't make sense they're more wicked than we are don't send them to chastise us and so Habakkuk comes he says you know what I'm gonna challenge God on this and ask him about his decision-making and I'll wait for his answer and for him to reprove me which is interesting because my Becca in my mind he knew he was out of line could you say I'm gonna challenge God then wait for him to reprove me so God you know he he's an entertainer entertainer sometimes and he takes the time to explain to her them his plan in that the child ends they're not going to prosper for long that's not how it works even if it seems like they're prospering here on earth they're not really prospering but this is the best part of the verse to me when the spike guy just puffs up his chest and after he finished finishes explaining things to her back and he says but the Lord is in his holy temple let all the earth keep silent keep silent God is saying don't question me I'm God I know what I'm doing I'm the one with all wisdom I'm the one who knows what's best for you and then a humbled ibaka comes out with the verse to be read though the fig tree shall not blossom he has a new attitude a new trust and a new faith in God because he understands that God's ways are the best ways even when it doesn't make sense now in our situation with Brayden I can tell you that although it didn't make sense it makes all the sense in the world it honestly does God has given us a sense of peace that I can't explain I literally can't explain it but because God saw fit to give us peace I know his way was right and what I also know is that's not going to be long every prayer that I prayed for my child I pray God I don't want this hearing to be gone God I don't want his mental capabilities to be gone God I don't want the scars I was putting stuff on his neck I wanted to have scars on his head God I want you to heal him do a miracle God said I got a miracle coming for you oh yes I do because Braden Caleb Watts oh his hearing is going to be crystal clear because going to hear my voice when I say wake up and come out the grave he's gonna hear and Braden oh he's gonna learn for eternity he's going to be mentally sharp and the scars that came from the tumors and the surgery and all that stuff I was going to be gone he's going to have a new body a new body he's going to be restored to perfection healed Simona the kind of healing you were asking for was only temporary but the kind of healing that I gave Braden it's for eternity eternity then you quickly begin to realize that God makes all the sense in the world and I know I'm not the only one who's experienced trouble I know everyone in this building has experienced trouble when you ask God like God it doesn't make sense for us to have this illness it doesn't make sense for us to struggle financially it doesn't make sense for me not to do good in school though I'm trying it doesn't make sense but hold on trust God when it doesn't make sense because it's true God is a guy that doesn't make sense because for the god of the universe to take on the form of sinful man and die on the cross for you and for me oh that doesn't make sense but hallelujah God is a God that makes all the sense in the world won't you trust him you

Channel: SaMonna Watts

Views: 1,654,593

Rating: 4.8120661 out of 5

Keywords: grief, sorrow, christian inspiration, samonna, samonna watts, medulloblastoma (disease or medical condition), pediatric cancer, brain tumor, trusting god, trust god when you don't understand, christianity, testimony, trust, god, death, trust in god, faith in god, christian life coach, christian women's speaker, growing your faith in god, where is god, trusting god in hard times, medulloblastoma, brain tumor treatment, brain tumors, jesus christ story, jesus for kids, trust god

Id: D1wswuRbdKU

Length: 30min 32sec (1832 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 14 2015