- Hi, I am Moana Sherrill. I am the head of physical
production here at Cracked. And I have also been
pregnant and had a child. And so, today ... (clapping) Oh, yeah. - Congrats for that, that's great. - Huge achievement that
no one else accomplishes. But today, I wanted to share
with my female colleagues some of the things that
we just aren't told about before we get pregnant. - No one tells you how
horrifying any of this is. - And shouldn't they tell us? Like really we should
know, so we're gonna know. - We're gonna dive in even further. - One thing that we don't
know is that some women both poop and vomit, or one or the other when the contractions start. - That's soon. - Because the contractions are there to... Dilate you. And I didn't know--
- Oh no. - Oh, yeah. I didn't know how much
you need to be dilated. But to be full dilation, you are about the size of-- - That looks like the solar system! - Yeah, you start at
one to 10 centimeters, and you open up to roughly
the size of a bagel. So that takes a lot of-- - I'm never going to be
able to eat a bagel again. (laughing) - But, that takes a lot of ... That's really intense. So some women, not all, but some women... Go to the bathroom with each contraction. - And vomit. Because of the pain? Or because of the extreme-- - Because it's basically
just squeezing your insides, like (boom sound effect)
and so it can cause it to come out either end--
- Both ends. - Or both ends, or no
ends, but it happens-- - No ends. - Before your.. No ends, fingers crossed. You cannot wear tampons,
they're really dangerous. - Oh, they're dangerous? - I was gonna say useless, but dangerous. - I was gonna be like, Yeah, I feel like probably would just-- - You know how your insides
open up to the size of a bagel? - Yeah. That also opens the capacity
for bacteria to get in you. So you cannot use a Tampax, because that makes things really risky. Oh, yeah, this is going
in the video for sure, me talking about tampons. - I mean it's all ... - It's all horrifying.
- It's all up in the air. - It's important to know. - So there's one of the things
you get told to watch out for because you might go
into labor in a few days once X happens is, losing your... Mucus plug. (Bridgett makes gagging noise) Ew. - I mean I guess I know
why they call it that, but like, why would you call it that-- - They don't need to be so literal. - I think, and it's gross. Granted it's gross, but it's not as disgusting
as what comes to mind when I hear the term "mucus plug." - Yeah, I have to imagine. - I hear that term, and I'm like, I'm gonna (beep) vomit right now. - It sounds like a snot plug,
it sounds like a snotty- - Yeah. - It's not that gross. It's not that gross. - Okay, good. - It's not like, beautiful, save it. (laughing) - What if you're collecting
like, "Here's my mucus plug. "Here's my placenta, here's my baby." (laughs) - All in jars. - Whew. When your baby comes out, so they've been in your
womb for a really long time. They haven't pooped,
they don't poop in utero. - What? - Their first poop is this thing called, I hope I'm pronouncing this right. Meconium? Which is-- - That sounds like an
element from another planet-- - Basically all this stuff that's been stored up in there
tummy and it's like tar. And they do that for a
couple, like a day or two. - That looks like if a bat molted. - I'm sorry Bridge, Bridgett's gonna barf. I'll shut my computer now. - If a bat molted, and
like shed it's skin, and just left it there, that's what that- - That looks like when in an alien movie, the alien is in the house
and then there's no sign, and then there's a sign, and
it's just goo everywhere. That's what that is, it's that. - It looks like motor oil,
but it's just really thick. - Yeah, it looks like motor
oil, like it congealed. - Also, I had no idea that
you need these things called maternity pads after you give birth. So you give birth, and... - For what? I'm gonna regret asking that immediately-- - Pads?
- Oh yeah. - I feel like it's something messy. - The whole of your of
your internal lining, that was holding your baby,
comes out of your body. And I had for some-- - Isn't that what the placenta is? - Yeah, and there's more. But for some stupid reason--
- There's more. - I thought, "Oh, that
just all happens at once." Not true. Weeks. - Weeks?
- Weeks? - So in this image I'm showing you, this is a normal sized pad. - Right, yeah, That looks familiar-- - This what you get sent
home from the hospital with. It's like a diaper.
- That's a diaper. - It's a diaper.
- That's a diaper. - It's a full diaper.
- We're looking at a diaper. - Yeah. I didn't know. - It like weirdly looks painful to me. And I know it's just a garment, but-- - I think it's because you know what's gonna happen into that pad. - Right. Like, if someone's wearing that, something horrible has
happened to their body. (laughs) - Or very natural. - Or something very natural and beautiful. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - Women often talk about how the baby, when they're pregnant, can cause them to need to pee a lot while your pregnant. What some women, a lot of
people don't talk about is post labor... Urination control. - Oh no. - Yeah. - I can see that being a
problem, that makes sense. - You pee a lot? - Some women have issues
because your kegels are ... - They just got stretched
out like rubber bands. - Battered. And so you might sneeze in Target, your first time out in
public after a long time. And just, oh it's so ... - It's a little... - A little or a lot. - It's good for those pads, right? - Yeah, thank God for those pads, right? (laughs) - Yeah. - I mean, honestly, after mucus plug, I'm not sure anything
could shock me anymore. So like, sure that one adds up too. - Sure, you pissed, sure. - Fun fact, sometimes when you pee, you get an extra mucus plug. (laughing) - It regrows and falls out again. (laughs) - Oh, a treat. (laughs) - You can plant it in your
backyard and it becomes a tree. - The mucus plug tree. - Yep. - Alien seems to be correct, in their portrayal of how
things emerge from your womb. It's just a monster that comes
out of your belly button. - Okay. - Yeah. I'm right. - So they make it scarier. - Like let's lay eggs, that seems simpler. - Yeah, that seems like the easier way-- - Can I get an egg option. - That'd be good, I
really would've like that. I really would've liked... - An egg, and I can just
crack it open when I'm ready. (Carmen makes smacking sounds) - Just keep it under a heat lamp, and then one day a little
hand's just gonna punch through. - This cute little baby. - This cute little baby hand. - That'd be so good, 'cause like, oh God. - So thank your mother. - Yeah, thank your mother. - That's insane, what she went through-- - Give your mom a real big hug. - Yeah. - 'Cause she went through a lot. (laughs)
