Terrible Kung Fu Panda Knockoffs

this video was sponsored by honey we'll get to that later ah yes Kung Fu Panda the movie that sweep the nation the world love Kung Fu Panda and so did their producers you know who else like Kung Fu Panda though other movie executives and they wanted money too why don't we get money for making a movie about fighting panda that's a part of thats probably a conversation someone had I mean what's not to like about Kung Fu Panda you've got Jack Black who by the way nacho libre got robbed at the 2007 Oscars okay I'm not over it something that I've noticed on my quest for terrible movies is that there is an abundance of Kung Fu Panda knock-offs there's like more than seven which I don't know if you know this that's more than six today we're gonna be taking a look at two of those knock-offs today namely The Prodigy and The Adventures of panda warrior so join me let's experience pain at watching bad movies [Music] The Prodigy a movie in which all known laws of physics determined must not exist and yet here we are this movie is the only knockoff where the Panda is not actually the main character but rather a really strange and annoying supporting character let's read the synopsis to give you an idea of the film an animated action comedy that follows the quest of a young panda girl named kg the kung-fu girl okay so there's already problems in the synopsis so that's good though they say panda girl but she's definitely human and also kung fu girl you couldn't think of a name so you made her name and abbreviation of kungfu girl with the help of her brave yet zany master panda cagey must rescued the handsome prince po and restore justice to her beautiful kingdom during her adventure kg learns that there is no limit to what she can accomplish if she believes in herself hell yeah the movie starts you off with a really strange yoga meditation music intro [Music] and then it goes right into this theme song as if it's like a TV show and not an hour and 15 minute movie the first thing this is training session where the master Panda is training kg and right off the bat they start using dialog recordings right after their use as if no one would notice like did they not have enough money for the voice actor to say yeah more than once it's a single word and also a single syllable you are quite the prodigy I see what you did there that's the name of the film I'm a big fan of the animating of the pandas mouth you learned faster than all of my students it does not look like anything from my nightmares at all it's really good but the Panda immediately mentions that her father would be proud of her your father will be very proud of you if you could only see you [Music] so he's dead that's what that means and I guess the Panda promised him that he would take care of her after he died which is all fine and good if this Panda wasn't literally the only talking animal in this film besides the sassy troll but we'll get to him later and people are just letting it be the guardian of a child so the Panda tries to give cagey an example of like a fight maneuver but then he just injures himself which I guess was supposed to be like a funny moment but this is the start of the most confusing aspect of what this Panda serves in this film which is simultaneously to be the witty and goofy character but also the wise and knowledgeable one which are two traits that are pretty much just completely at odds with each other like in Kung Fu Panda Master Oogway sort of has his comedic moments but he's primarily a wise character all of his comedic bits just come from him being excessively old is something wrong this [ __ ] Panda will be being like an idiot at one moment and then suddenly spoutin life-lessons 2kg there are times when you need to release the tiger basically what happens is the kg here's some guy strumming on a rupee which is a Chinese guitar when this character plays an instrument his fingers move like they've never been used before until that moment he's like a man baby learning motor skills for the first time and then she starts playing the flute and they start having a musical flirting moment from like like a mile away from each other and then kg at the end of it is like he's the one boom bam it's a prince uh what is this Disney what is this the product of a transnational multi media conglomerate what the hell who of course is the first person in the film who has a name and of course it's taken from Kung Fu Panda because it's PO nice to meet you I'm PO you know how love works you meet someone for the first time and you're already in love come on but shoot I'm a prince they won't let me leave the palace I can't get a moment alone they keep me under watch day and night so then kg gets him to sneak out to a tavern with men and then she makes this face when he says yes what is what what is that face so the tavern scene happens and the master panda decides it'd be a good idea to come along as a third wheel because he takes no social cues and in general is an absolute menace for some reason the tavern is like entirely dead people are literally just sleeping there which of course is a perfect opportunity for the master panda to do one of his ah one-liners huh joy joy tablet I don't see a heck of a lot of joy joy going on around here that's for sure and also a perfect time to start a band [Music] it's an incredibly long musical scene you've got repeated stock crowd noises for some reason kg starts doing disco moves from the 70s in ancient China but of course Prince pose dad shows up the Emperor it's Paul what on earth do you think you're doing plumber alert guys he's grounded but then they meet up again the next day and they like hey they play tag that's their date they play tag I'm gonna catch me just a really weird chemistry between these two it's odd and then pretty much without any warning a giant burly man comes out of nowhere grabs Prince Po and jumps away at increments of a hundred and fifty feet [Music] what then when kg tries to stop him from being kidnapped you stop by Gweneth Paltrow of all people what well this is getting interesting they engage in a very intense battle scene and by intense I mean that they are literally just swinging at open air just out of arms reach of each other then after about a minute of fighting kg gets tired and then Gweneth Paltrow just like pushes her over which is a strange way to lose a fight if you've been training in kung fu your whole life and your name is also kung fu girl let me just race through this next part basically master panic comes out and he gives all this backstory those people were the disciples of the Dragon King disciples of the Dragon King and they're taking Prince PO for ransom and all man we got to get them back man we will restore peace to his palace oh shoot I don't know if I can fight him though come on do anything to save him [ __ ] dumbass you gotta believe in yourself hello okay G wait don't get mad it's pretty much what said which leads into this very confusing musical number where she sort of reminiscing about how she's sad that she lost this guy that she's known for 36 hours but I'm just gonna let it speak for itself what am i expected to say about this [Music] to bring you the person singing is like flat the whole time I don't know if that was the intention I think that she's singing the notes wrong so the master panda found a purse off of gwyneth paltrow that she accidentally left behind and then she comes back for it which is confusing at first come outside and and face me give me my perfume oh you will surely regret taking my precious things and then it turns out that she has a perfume that makes her like one and a half times larger and then you can fight better I guess but before that it just seems like this lady forgot her perfume after kidnapping someone and wanted it back and then kg and the Panda are like making fun of her would I want to be in your shoes so then kgs got the perfume power now she fights him wins and then they decide that they need to chase after Gwyneth Paltrow so they can figure out where the Dragon King lives so do you know what they do to catch up well there's a broken cart right there after the fight so the most obvious thing to do is build a two-wheeled skateboard that doesn't have enough room for the master panda so he drags along like a piece of trash at 40 miles per hour also honorable mention for this editing choice right here I did not change that at all that is in the film so they fall off a waterfall and they find a portal to what I guess is a dimension where the Dragon King lives and they portray it as like the most evil of all the evil places [Music] dragging teams it is excessively evil and there's also ghosts nobody really explains the ghosts either they're just kind of there she asked her master if they're doing the right thing here what did we get into are we doing the right thing out here I don't really know why she would be conflicted about this because someone that she knows was kidnapped in front of her next up they run into a troll which by the way turns out to be a sassy troll and then the master says this watch out he looks very mean and destructive that's a very straightforward way to say that but I I mean I agree and all of a sudden the master decides to bust out his ability to use magic like he has super powers but in the fight scene before he was using watermelon to get make people trip you can't go from being a Tom and Jerry character to then [ __ ] Vegeta which leads to this very strange scene Josh what did I tell you the trolls frickin sassy just woke up to what a way to start your day however even though these people just assaulted him he decides to help them find the Dragon Kings castle because that's just what trolls do man oh sheesh you must be very careful and I go to Chez fishway and I'll take you there now quiet coyote everyone listening ears what is next is quite an interesting development for this character okay I mean pay attention to his posture here he's a troll he's a bit hunched over that's okay he's probably a gamer but this is what he looks like in the next scene what the [ __ ] happened this dude's got immaculate posture and look at that neck dude that dude is eating Wheaties so we get a scene of Gweneth Paltrow trying to seduce Prince PO by doing this [ __ ] dance [Music] then she tries to spoon-feed him love potion and then he literally refuses it like a baby with medicine which is hilarious I won't eat your poison I won't eat your poison gwyneth paltrow you play along with me or I can be a royal pain damn okay so this parts kind of convoluted but okay so kg and master pan to enter the palace they basically go through a jade room a pearl room a silver room and then a gold room and they're all just a bunch of moments where they activate a bunch of traps accidentally they fight a bunch of ghosts that are shooting lasers and the master panda activates like every single one of the traps because he's a dumbass he's stupid he's a stupid panda that's what he is but what is most ridiculous is when they entered the Gold Room and there is literally a giant stone statue in a tee pose with a huge sign that says beware he who utters these words which is probably the most on-the-nose thing I have ever seen in the movie then of course the Panda says it because he has a brain made of rocks and has no value to anyone see here it says don't say Jinyoung Ming so then they have to fight this giant golem and then they defeat it by pulling a cork out of its neck and then kg of course is like you never cease to amaze me completely ignores all of the mistakes that the master has made so far basically the rest of the movie you can pretty much guess they get to the main room where the bad guys at and then kg has to fight them all here's a summary of what that viewing experience is like the little pest has come for prints he's way out of your league doesn't go well he would never be with an old hag like you so then the Dragon Kings on fire and then of course he accidentally sets on fire his conveniently placed stock of gunpowder because I guess he's stupid and then they escape with the prince before the palace blows up and then the prince is reunited with his father yay everybody win thank you all for bringing my son back to me and there will always be a special place for you in our kingdom and of course no movie of this quality would be nearly as good if they did not end the film with a dancing scene what even is that dance so yeah that was the prodigy before we move on to the next knock off this video is sponsored by honey have you ever been online shopping and at checkout you scoured through reddit posts and those sketchy websites to try to find a discount code that works but like 90% of the time they just didn't work honey gets rid of that entire process honey is the free online shopping tool that helps you find promo codes and adds them to your cart let's say you're 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Ted thanks in advance for checking it out it's actually a helpful tool and thank you to honey for sponsoring this video The Adventures of panda warrior what a film this is it's good this film is incredibly different from the previous Kung Fu Panda knock and yet still definitely a kungfu panda knockoff they're getting smarter you see they're sneaky they're little ninjas I'd like to point out that this movie has a surprisingly high tier cast of voice actors and there's a level of comedy and how that does literally nothing to prevent the film from being god-awful you've got Rob Schneider who was on SNL in the 70s and has a host of some pretty popular movies his IMDB list is huge you've got Haylie Duff older sister of Hilary Duff also known as Lizzie McGuire you've even got Tom Kenny the voice of SpongeBob SquarePants how did he get wrapped up in this the movie starts in ancient China which should be expected of any respectable Kung Fu Panda knockoff in the time of the warlords battles rage however it very much so does not stay that way like at all one of the first things that you notice about the animation quality of this film it's almost too smooth I think that the way that they animated a lot of this is that they had people in tracking suits moving around there's just some sort of uncanny valley watching the way that they move around essentially we've got this main character who's a human named Patrick also Patrick in ancient China there's a whole lot of war going on and Patrick isn't really into that but he's enlisted in the army and he's basically getting the [ __ ] kicked out of him captain sir no I wasn't really sleeping I was just closing my eyes that I could gain more insight so he starts arguing that people should be able to live peacefully to the general of the army why must we fight each other if we can live together in harmony then there's no reason to fight we can live in peace not true there is no peace here peace doesn't exist the world as we know it is hard you're wrong there is a place without any war a peaceful place where people live in harmony and it's called marry land marry land marry land I'm surprised that they just didn't kill him on the spot that is the stupidest name for a place I have ever heard that's like a guy in the military arguing to his peers that Candyland exists are you kidding me and later on he's just talking about how like Maryland is real and talking to his dead grandpa and he's got this necklace that his grandpa gave him grandpa I'll prove that Marilyn really does exist and then they get ambushed by like an army of angry bulls so he runs away and then he falls off a cliff and then his necklace activates and then there's a talking pig because you guessed it he's in marylande baby essentially what happens is Patrick is transported to Mary land and in the process of doing that he is also turned into a panda do not ask me why he turned into a panda because I do not know Mary land is probably the most ridiculous rendition of any reality I've ever seen none of it makes sense he's a little baby boy so he's freaking out about how he's oh he's a panda now and he's in this weird place what a weird dream don't tell me I really turned into a panda get a grip man so then he starts talking to this supporting character named Peggy sky flier who is the worst character that has ever been written she is the worst she's a pig but look at this look at her ears I don't even know if they are ears there's no ear canal they are literally like tendrils coming out of her head like why would you design a character this way it's horrendous and they flop around like giant meaty triangles it is distractingly off-putting and to make matters worse as if they could get any worse is that the way that this pig flies is that she propels herself by [ __ ] turning herself into a toot rocket like I can just imagine in the writers room there's that one guy in the corner who's hi and he's just like haha guys you know be funny okay so suddenly there's cats with shockingly good posture and also swords and then they just start attacking him without any warning so fart machine comes in and saves him [Music] and then she gives him this whole thing about how the cats are being mind-controlled by the evil master and [ __ ] ain't doing as well and Mary Landis stupid Patrick thought because you know why war war never changes Patrick decides to start falling PEGI around because he's a scared little idiot and they end up fighting a giant spider which Peggy defeats with a fart like how many fart jokes are they gonna get out of this one character is that her thing that she's rude and she farts so the story of this movie is basically that mary land is at war with his evil master and it's Patrick's job to help save Mary land and put it back to normal there's just so many various confusing parts to this story and it's just so overly complicated but I'm gonna try to do my best to make this make sense but no promises you at one point they're making the fire and Peggy just whips out a lighter because they have them in Maryland wait how did you do that it's an invention called a lighter so Tom Canty comes in and he's playing like this warrior mantis sounds familiar I know any attacks Patrick just pretty much out of nowhere and then they have this whole argument about how the Mantis thinks that his grandpa is a thief because he took the dragon necklace from Maryland dragon necklace where did you get that necklace it was my grandfather's a family heirloom stop talking that is princess Angelica's necklace father stone it and for some reason throughout the film one of the only things that can get Patrick to actually fight well is when they dis his grandpa so then they beat the Mantis and they tie him up but then I'm almost immediately untie him because Patrick doesn't want him to think that he's a liar and that his grandpa is not a thief you mean you're releasing me you know nothing about my grandpa even though the Mantis literally just attacked them so next up they arrive in the onion town that's filled with these things that are like onion dogs that make these weird crying bark sounds and they're getting attacked by like an evil tree stump that shoots fire and the only way that he's defeated is that Patrick is convinced that he dissed his grandpa he just said your Grandpa's a fool what no one insults grandpa I sound insane talkin about this film this this sounds ridiculous so that turns out mr. tree stump man's undermine control and they want to get him out of it and all of a sudden a [ __ ] sentient ginseng root comes out of nowhere his name is Jimmy ginseng by the way and he plays a song and cures the tree stump of the mind control [Music] he just shows up and starts playing a song and everyone's just like yeah yeah yeah that's normal next up they have a fight against a giant muscular bull and that's when the Furious Five I mean the The Wonder seven show up Ted who the hell are the Wonder seven I'm glad you asked me well obviously they're the best fighters in Maryland you've got a chicken a bunny rabbit a hippopotamus that later for some reason insists that he be referred to as a river horse you're a hippo a fashionable goat a mad scientist monkey and my personal favorite a beagle with nunchucks we basically learned that these guys are in a resistance against the evil master and they go to meet their leader played by Norm Macdonald and there's also a random old man turtle that has a human nose I thought I'd mention that one it goes into this whole part where the Norm Macdonald line explains like all of the lore in this universe and we're like 40 minutes into the film so I'm gonna do my best to summarize that real quick okay hear me out so there's like these two whales right and there and they swim around a Dragon Ball and that's the the Dragon Ball of life right and but then one of the whales went out of control and started destroying [ __ ] and marylande but then it turns out that Patrick's grandpa was the prophesized panda warrior and he defeated the whale and turned it back to normal which is all fine and good but then the evil rat comes in but during the ceremony a despicable rat with a despicable plans the Maryland parallel dimension a despicable rat with a despicable plan that is hands-down my favorite line in the film why don't we need to add the fact that the rat is from an evil alternate dimension but then the rest of it just like gets out of control using his dark magic he merged hope oh [ __ ] oh man the evil master of all Maryland transforming himself into a terrifying 9 headed snake anyone to resist he destroyed everyone who disobeyed him and then you took princess Angelica prison citizens were bewitched and forced to form is faster okay so you can see how desperate every one of us are I mean yeah I guess that's a pretty [ __ ] up situation holy [ __ ] like you can't just throw all of that [ __ ] onto us this far into the movie okay so that evil masters a nine headed snake you've got princess Angelica grandpa panda evil rat so Patrick wants to fight the bad guy okay go figure right so then they put in these two training scenes where he's just frickin struggling ruggle City Rogel town population Patrick but then on the third scene he just starts eating all of these bamboo projectiles that are part of his training and The Lion King is like you're freaking ready man Patrick you truly are the chosen one really that fast also what portions of this training pertain to fighting a nine headed snake so he gets this giant leaf sword and it seems super it is symbolic and important to the story but that's where they get you the only time it comes into play again is in the final battle where he pulls it out and he immediately loses it just one chance to give yourself up right okay so Patrick and the Wonder seven they go off to fight the evil master but lo and behold they can't find his lair because it's in the sky it is almost a fruitless effort to try to explain this film so then the tree stump guy who's a good guy now he's like we gotta talk to this purple raccoon I know so Patrick and him go and talk to this freaky looking purple raccoon right and the raccoon gives him a rock that'll help him find the secret lair and then they come back and everyone's been captured and put under mind control all of a sudden there's also this weird mom where they find the goat on the ground but then the tree guy starts beating the living [ __ ] out of the goat for a couple seconds I go boom well I wasn't scared are you all right everything okay okay so they find the castle of the evil master boom but then they get attacked by mind-controlled PEGI sky flyer who now has throwing knives and how do they defeat her you guessed it probably not Patrick kicks her in the ass and she farts out of her eyeballs and passes out this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you but what the [ __ ] of the enter the lair but then they get captured by their friends who are also mind control and then they get brought to the muscular and full guy but then all of a sudden this happens hmm are you trying to repel no not rebel return wait what I thought it well you thought wrong didn't you crusher let's get you back to your own self Patrick grab the bull by the horns okay so from what I can gather here it appears that everything would lead us to believe up to this point that they were mind controlled right even going to the length of having a full-fledged battle with one of their allies however it was a ruse they were faking oh god I don't know what's going on and then [ __ ] Jimmy ginseng root comes back out of the sky and he turns the bull into a good guy and now the bull guys on their side and he gets them into the lair - and then they find the princess person right and they're like oh we're gonna save you from the from the nine headed snake oh but old boy man you're gonna be pissed it was a ruse again because it's the snake disguises the princess [Applause] rush of the Arts why'd you sell us out I would drift my own rescuers what was what was that I don't know that character it's a bug that comes in and says a line to imply that they've been fooled by him but it doesn't explain who that character is and he never shows up before or after in the film it remains a mystery to me what that who that character was so then they fight the nine headed snake right it shoots out a different element in each head because I don't know and also one of the mouths shoots arrows out of it because why and then the tree guy he like blows himself up good riddance we didn't need him anyways screw that guy honestly okay so they find the princess and then the bull guy walks through a lake of poison in order to get her and then the Mantis shows out and he's just tunneled an escape route there might be over 20 characters in this film designed exclusively to fill plot holes and it's very hard to keep track of them all there at the end there's a final battle between the Wonder seven and Patrick the Panda and the evil snake master demon thing Jimmy ginseng comes back you know the drill he's playing the old tune and I guess it weakens the snake and then all of a sudden all of the onion dogs come out and they like cry come on the [ __ ] snake and then probably the weirdest part of the film happens in these final moments now go fight the wind hit shadow feet fight the water head that despite the ice head mommy bunny fight the fire head sweetie fight the electric head fight the poison head the spirited where did that even come from why did it turn into an anime all of a sudden and then they all attack at the same time and then he gets defeated and then the rat crawls out of the snake's mouth and like runs away and so they win but not without a dancing scene and then the movie ends which begs the question is Patrick just stuck there does he just never go home he's trapped in a horrific least range nightmare land where nothing makes sense and all of the people are rude that's horrifying I think that this movie is probably worse than The Prodigy in particular because there was more on the line for this movie than The Prodigy it's definitely clear that the animation is done by more than four people and they had enough of a budget to get CB or even a less voice actors in the case of Tom Kenny so to come out with a movie that is just so incredibly confusing has so many writing problems and just looks so bad is so embarrassing so those were Kung Fu Panda knock-offs I hope you enjoyed them I didn't I had to watch each of those movies at least five times make sure to subscribe to the channel if you like this video and if you want to tell me what you thought comment below baby follow me on instagram follow me on Twitter and keep it radical my guy [Music] [Music] you [Music]

Channel: Ted Nivison

Views: 1,469,753

Rating: 4.9798074 out of 5

Keywords: Terrible Kung Fu Panda Movie Knockoffs, Terrible, Kung, Fu, Panda, Movie, Knockoffs, Ripoffs, Ripoff Movie, Knockoff Movie, Ted, Nivison, awful movie, movies, movie review, review, funny, everything wrong with, The Prodigy, The Adventures of Panda Warrior, The, Adventures, Of, Warrior, Prodigy, Jack Black, Kung Fu Panda

Id: muSANMxZ6OU

Length: 34min 1sec (2041 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 27 2020