Making Pizza but I'm a Pirate

my second youtubes figure is now available at youtubes.com right now my dude this time around it's grill master ted heir to the ancient lineage of grill masters and man does he look good he's got his trusty grill as well as a hefty supply of cram burgers don't ask me if they're fda approved they're not if you're planning on getting one then you should get one now because once these bad boys sell out they're gone forever so head on over to youtubes.com right now and get one today it's october everybody knows what season it is it's the season of fear people are out scaring each other left and right all right i was walking down the street the other day and i got scared about 11 times let me ask you a simple question what is more scary than pizza pizza's got a very long and very accurate history and i'm pretty sure that pizza's been used to assassinate at least five high-ranking politicians and don't tell me that i'm wrong because i was one of the assassins so we're making pizza today but i had to add a little bit of a halloween pizzazz to it i did some heavy research i asked around all right i looked at polls i looked at stats i even went on yahoo.com who even does that anymore without feeling like a piece of [ __ ] and without further ado folks i present to you the best pizza making costume in the world i'm making pizza from scratch but i'm a pirate and one of my hands is a hook [Music] pirate microphone you may be asking yourself ted why the hell are you making are you making pizza as a pirate pirates are made to make pizza we've been making pizza for thousands of years have you ever heard of jack sparrow yeah well screw that guy he doesn't know a damn thing about pizza let's talk about pizza beard he put [ __ ] limes on his pizza so he wouldn't get scurvy because he's a smart pirate okay today we're gonna be making a pizza from scratch and when i say scratch i mean scratch for starters we're gonna be making the dough homemade which requires the usage of yeast which i have never done before second of all we're gonna be making the tomato sauce homemade which required a lot of [ __ ] tomatoes and the [ __ ] toppings man they're [ __ ] fresh man so cheers to that my friends let's start with the dough walk the plank so why don't we go over the ingredients to make the pizza dough here we go we've got the ingredients it's going to be [ __ ] great so for starters we're going to need one and a half cups of warm water the ingredients here say 105 degrees to 115 degrees so i'm just gonna go over to this i'm gonna turn it on we need one package of active dry yeast every single time that i went to a grocery store i bought another packet of active dry yeast because i was nervous i guess 3 and 3 4 cups of bread flour 2 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil two teaspoons of your finest and sexiest salt and then one teaspoon of sugar it's time to check out the water and see how the water's doing okay oh that water is boiling oh that's uh god damn it that is that is way too warm [ __ ] okay gonna need to wait until uh the water isn't warm anymore holy [ __ ] this water's still at 176 degrees 177 178 179 place the warm water in a large bowl and sprinkle the yeast over the warm water and let it sit for five minutes until the yeast is dissolved i gotta cut this open like like that i guess all right okay it's been five minutes so we need to add the flour salt sugar and olive oil to the yeast i do not have a mixing paddle attachment okay honestly not having too much of a problem using this hook yet one two three yeah two teaspoons of salt [ __ ] oh thank god i thought i was gonna have to use a [ __ ] salt shaker this makes things a lot easier one ah so why i plugged this in you guys should be impressed in the first place that i have a mixer okay that's in itself is impressive here we go this this hook does not do very much work on holding something still this is definitely not the correct way to be going about this right now what's with all this [ __ ] on here get off how am i gonna get all this [ __ ] off of here why did i think that working with dough would work with a hook oh my god oh no no no one of my spinaru guys totally [ __ ] up by the uh by the thing does this count as dough at this point we progress onwards to the kneading it should be a little sticky or tacky to the touch that is a little sticky let me knead this with my hook this is how the original pirates did this [ __ ] i'm digging the direction in which this is going you bounce it off the hook you catch it with your hand you smack it i had assumed that this would have been the hardest part and it didn't go you know it didn't go that badly we've got to spread a thin layer of olive oil over the inside of a large bowl pizza dough is oily that's for sure how do i open this come on no i just totally cut myself on a [ __ ] plastic wrap container how to do first aid whilst pirate this is probably going worse than any video i have ever done i'm gonna do this cling wrap without the hook so the cling wrap was a disaster um you are a curse aren't you the next step that we need to do while we wait for this doe to rise is we need to make blimey it's time to make homemade tomato sauce so we've got a couple things that we need for the homemade tomato sauce why don't i just get those out right now all right here are the ingredients for the tomato sauce one medium onion two stalks of celery two medium carrots three tablespoons of olive oil three cloves of garlic i'm using the peeled version because i don't want to [ __ ] deal with garlic right now it's asking for a good handful of flat leaf parsley i found parsley i don't know what flat leaf parsley is but i got this and then finally it asks for four pounds of tomatoes that's four pounds of tomatoes add the onion carrots and celery into a food processor and then chop it into small pieces so i broke my first food processor and then i actually gave the second one to my mom so i actually don't have a food processor so this is how i will chop the food on oh no the onion's getting into my eyes oh no the onion is getting into my eyes i'm glad i started with the onions i'm making it like mama babooza like the mother of giovanni balboa used to make it there's a hole through this i can pick that up hold it like that put that there that was a proper usage of the hook come on you know what i can't deal with that right now this whole video bad idea we're really just gonna have to go with that because i can't i can't do this much longer man let's chop this [ __ ] garlic i want binging with babish to bring me on his show i think i would do a really good job so we've got the garlic and we've got the other [ __ ] things cut up into a million pieces that's great using fresh tomatoes they will have to be prepped by skinning them straining the seeds from the pulp and dicing them into pieces that will cook evenly so i have to skin these tomatoes this is making things a lot harder pretty much every part of this is miserable this is how we're going to peel the tomato check it out god i'm going to put the hook in the tomato yeah yeah actually that works nope it doesn't work they call me the top tomato peeler in the in the academy they said hey we need you for tomato peeling and i said sure god this is getting wet for this part of the recipe it seems slightly impossible for me to use my hook you know back in the day when i was a wee pirate in a pirate training camp they taught me a little thing called um how to grow your hands back look at how much [ __ ] tomato [ __ ] i've got this is insane do you see the skins of the fallen are you looking at this let's see if this works yes definitely too liquidy that looks like that looks like a strawberry smoothie i gotta say this this is already hard even without the hook god damn it i have to skin all of these tomatoes what's up theodore roosevelt william how do you uh how do you peel your tomatoes uh what are you doing i'm peeling tomatoes for a video um and it's a pain in the ass how do you go about doing it i'm trying to make tomato sauce okay how are you what do you i don't understand how you're peeling that i'm using a good grip peeler pro swivel peeler i've never peeled tomatoes but the only time i've seen people to make like in recipes is they like they throw them in boiling water really quickly like blanching i think it's called so you throw it you take the tomato and you throw it in boiling water for like 30 seconds to a minute and then you pull it out like this really quickly to burn the skin and then you cool it down with water or ice water or whatever and then the skin just like falls off are you serious yeah i've never seen someone peel tomatoes with a potato peeler how long have you been peeling tomatoes for william i gotta go so apparently i need to drop the tomatoes in the boiling water and then after 60 seconds i take them out with this spoon and i put them in the ice bath here we go oh oh it's splitting it's splitting they're blanching we put the tomatoes in the water are you kidding me oh no i could have done this the whole time it just pulls right off to be fair the only thing the instructions said online was to peel them i knew nothing about this this is revolutionary according to the recipe that i've been looking at pureeing it is an option we could just place all these tomatoes in here and it would count as the proper situation for the tomato sauce heat two tablespoons of olive oil in a large saucepan on medium heat and saute the onion celery and carrots until they are soft and no liquid is being released from them you got it baby i don't know how much that will be so i'm just going to keep pouring until i think it's appropriate oh i need to make a handful of flat leaf parsley [ __ ] i think this is working i've got no idea honestly i have no [ __ ] clue i feel like i'm in gordon ramsay's kitchen but also it's in hell and there's like racism everywhere or something i don't even know mix in the tomatoes and herbs this [ __ ] and then the [ __ ] tomato [ __ ] here we go [Music] i'm gonna bring it to a boil i'm gonna make that chip purr what oh i gotta add in seasoning i gotta add in the salt and pepper into the no why oh god no we shall simmer it for 30 minutes while i try to figure out what the hell happened to my [ __ ] life alrighty here we go oh i'm gonna [ __ ] this up definitely i don't know why i didn't stop it will become a pizza oh [ __ ] i actually made tomato sauce why does it always work out is this a curse all right folks it's time to make the pizza i'm gonna be honest with you guys no video has taken me this long to make it is [ __ ] 12 30 in the morning that tastes like tomato sauce that looks like dough i think so first of all we have to preheat the oven to 400 475 degrees oh oh no i'm flattening it and i'm stretching it out i am the pizza man this is how they do it in their pizzeria this is how they do it in the big town this is how they do it in new york city whoa that's a 10 inch thing you know what time it is it's time to put the sauce on the pizza let's try it behold the sauce is on the pizza so what's the next step you may be asking yourself and that is the toppings cremini mushrooms feta cheese mozzarella parmesan gourmet pepperoni hopefully it'll turn into a golden glory [Music] that's a cheesy that's a cheesy pizza all right folks so now all we got to do is put this pizza in the oven for 10 to 15 minutes hopefully we'll have ourselves a pizza if we don't i'll be really disappointed [Music] that's the pizza right there we're gonna try a slice [Music] oh that i mean that tastes good that tastes like pizza i mean it looks like a nightmare let's be honest with ourselves it looks like a nightmare this is a very edible product and i haven't eaten food in eight hours this is like a message from god for me okay thank you guys so much for watching this video if you haven't already make sure to check out the youtubes that i just launched that's on youtubes.com right now and make sure to check out my second channel ted nevison live that's where i post all of the highlights of the live streams that i do at twitch.tv ted nevison make sure to subscribe to the channel and like the video if you haven't already and i will see you guys next time hopefully in not as miserable of a state [Music] [Music] you

Channel: Ted Nivison

Views: 801,990

Rating: 4.98386 out of 5

Keywords: Making Pizza but I'm a Pirate, Making, Pizza, But, I'm, Pirate, Ted, Nivison, Ted Nivison, Cooking with Ted, Cooking Video

Id: mxxDBgJvn-E

Length: 17min 3sec (1023 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 28 2020