Supergirl - Nostalgia Critic

this episode brought to you by stamps.com why go to the store to get stamps when you can have them printed right at home for your convenience my son you don't remember you must have many questions here in this fortress of solitude we may find the answers together even though you have been raised as a human being you're not one of them there can be a great people if I wish to we only let the light to shine for this reason above all the capacity I have sent them you my son you will be I'm Supergirl oh sorry okay you've come from a beehive of hippies what your nemesis is a magical witch named Zelena Batson [ __ ] and your big fight scenes are with an invisible monster construction equipment and the bubble guy are you high no but I'm thinking about studying and you should do [Music] [Music] [Music] hello I'm the Nostalgia Critic I remember so you don't have to I love me some action ladies Ellen Ripley Wonder Woman Sarah Connor Tomb Raider Kat Black Widow Michelle Rodriguez and [ __ ] anything yes women kicking ass in movies isn't exactly a good thing but it has become more of a common thing since the beginning of film there's always been doses of women duking it out because of the times they were mostly kept in domesticated roles well times change and we have more options than ever of badass [ __ ] doing badass [ __ ] well that's cool and all it does beg the question what took so long for a while it seemed like for every 50 dude shooting a gun we got one chick in a starring role doing the same they seemed pretty few and far for quite a bit of time well that's because studios aren't exactly the biggest fans of new things I know wow and action men have proven to be big moneymakers for years so whenever an action woman's story came along they really threw the same amount of care into it because there was already a fear it just wasn't gonna work as well so a lot of [ __ ] was made and if the [ __ ] didn't do well it must have been because the lead in that [ __ ] was a dame and that because it was [ __ ] even the conversation years ago between Marvel and Sony's show that they didn't do women's superheroes because the past ones failed yeah clearly tits was the reason a lecture and Catwoman didn't do well like totally would have worked if a dude said it and one of the movies often put on that list for delaying our cinematic action ladies both figuratively and literally his Supergirl released in 1984 after the success of Superman's 3ish inst Supergirl had a budget of 35 million dollars and may back only 14 million for a long time this was pointed to as the reason people would never see female superhero movies female Shammi male I wouldn't watch the odd movie after seeing this granted this was coming off of a very campy series but there was usually an emotional weight and dignity that went along with that camp this is going to be rough so let's take a gander at how things went so hilariously wrong let's see what happens when you mix shrooms with sniffing paint this is Supergirl on ice yeah you know you're in trouble when the Masters of the Universe credits float by the writers hookah smoke filled with more green stuff that Alexa Luther's lead case we're showing what the rockbiter ships out after eating coal as a whole Kryptonian race lives in this IKEA beehive developed by a character played by Peter O'Toole as a fancy shadow of a real thing which is the most we can hope for on this lonely rock there were brando got respect playing this kind of part what's my character's name salty I'm screwed it's nice to finally know what a college safe space looks like soltahr his friends with Kara played by Helen Slater and she loves to marvel at his latest inventions while also longing to venture to earth where her cousin Superman is did you know study six dimensional geometry at school I know the equations I just can't see them in my head most great artists find mathematics troublesome color chicks and math right this will go over great today sassanids are in outer space but we we are in inner space I can explain better by lifting your shower curtain nighty what were just talking what he explains that their city has two main power sources one he keeps in his pocket I borrowed it now where are my keys here we are only four fatalities that time and he uses it for dumb stuff so I just inventing miracles you have the power to move things a bit to the left the science of hanging pictures will be changed forever better imagination explode and give it a try how much is she supposed to use her imagination and what's supposed to explode result our kids the power source over to Cara you know I'm starting to see what Krypton exploded she delights gripping her long vibrating stick on top of the ball she's currently holding in her hand okay this was a porno they kept out the dialogue the same they just never put the sex in it what your fingers here car it had to be some sort of mix-up damn it I never should have written the super ghost script and the portal at the same time movie script is it possible you sent the wrong script to the studio oh sweet Jesus I think you're right Jesus text them hello I it's the director were a little confused about this scene where the old man touches the young girl's face yeah that's not supposed to be and everybody is dressed in nightgowns it's very modern and then she's holding a long phallic rod over both she's playing with in her hand and then places it near her crotch ladies I guess that's a good point this is the eighties do you mind if we cut co-chairs oh I think that's fair she accidentally pokes a hole in there damn poorly secured City as the power source is sucked out you took the Omega header that's not correct I lost the omegahedron oh no father I did father I've seen identical twins they have more age variations than they do no matter who without her this city can't survive more than a few days Cara feels responsible for losing the power source so she takes Zoltar machine to try and follow [Music] stop she's escaping our pasty-white cult actually is there another kind while Volterra sure she'll be saved going from the inner space to outer space he has a different fate I must be sent to the Phantom Zone your suffering will be short mine forever you seem weirdly okay with that oh yes the phantoms are where they show Joel Schumacher's Phantom of the Opera movie 24/7 actually it's a dark hellish wasteland where you'll starve to death error that's almost as bad meanwhile on earth Faye Dunaway plays Madame Selena a stuck a villain who enjoys taking picnics with her lover Nigel played by Peter Cook why reduce operating my corpse such a pretty world I can't wait until it's all mine it's a lifetime to discover the secrets of black magic from the ancient grimoire Wow you really tried to make that sound like a normal thing people say I'm pretty sure I saw that in one of those many pictures of women laughing while eating salad but the power source plunges to earth with flaming fire and powerful speed clapping look at your no cake in the men's room immortality be upon this one she is a sharer of the sun's everlasting life this world will keep her forever no I mean what's this I've just outgrown you Nigel she takes to her car and decides to leave Nigel behind but what about Mel eggs well using the radio to drop some painful product placements then easier they also decide to advertise their own lame [ __ ] Superman was indeed embarked on a special peace seeking mission still a better backstory than Superman Returns it looks like Cara also arrives in her tights and cape underwater completely dry with the string pulling her out oh my god that is way too much stupid on my plate I can't possibly handle it all I guess I'll just talk about the stupidest part the costume I mean yeah the Superman costume is silly but it was at least given to him at a very specific time after he found out who he was and it's like he's wearing the uniform of his planet what the hell is her excuse missus all talk if you've stolen my ship and you happen to be a woman please wear the spandex in miniskirt I have left for you and B I guess I'm not seeing any place I could have put it a bottom-line address hard so I can at least fantasize about you as payment for stealing my property if you happen to be a man after leaving the wonkavator behind she observes her surroundings and tries to figure this whole earth thing out hello I'm gonna call you Charlie goodbye Charlie will you be my next Charlie oh so her death vision does the exact opposite of death vision God this is gonna be so lame she flies past every romance novel cover the stock footage library head and comes across the city of Chicago but the poster says she's in New York flying out of Lady Liberty's armpit and into our hearts you're not my fine so Tonko doesn't need you superhero movie we have the Dark Knight and Dark Knight's really good she drops by the city discovers two scumbags played by Matt Frewer and Stacy Keach yeah this movie's weird enough to put them together stop that I only let father teacher figure stroke me we're out looking for a good job and you just won the brass ring baby why are you doing this it's just the way we are all e&w employees are grandpappy on the count we never get laid because we're anw employees [Music] alright it says two truckers approach her blade with her skirt and then she blows them you mean like with her super breath yes yes I do meanwhile Madame Selena and Nigel throw a party in her secret lair that's an amusement park haunted house with tons of rich middle-aged people attending please I really can't do a second helping I am considering nothing less than world domination these are my foot soldiers Nigel my army of the night weather let out of their retirement homes they're quite deadly look the Six Flags guy total world domination material Nigel I think tries hitting on one of the partygoers but Selena uses her newfound magic to this [Music] then the which turns the lady upside down spreads her legs and has a spinning while her dress falls over her head Lex Luthor would have done the same yes yes car flies in wearing her tights coming across a girl's college with pandas remember a time when that sounded weird and she attempts to blend in I like how Brando had to spend years training his son how to use his powers and here it's like locked behind the tree and one of our first D or FX students will take over she's a new student they're really scraping the bottom of the barrel these days consider yourself [ __ ] so she applies for the school almost as if she's totally forgotten the power source for her entire species is at stake without you the city can survive more than a few days yeah I took my time flying around looking at horsies I even applied for a few classes while I was there and that's why I'm talking to your tombstone I have never before in my life laid eyes on you'll have a young lady no sir I'm new here obviously you new here if I've never laid eyes on you before so really that weird you don't recognize a student at your giant University no I know every girl and their feet here you're just not ringing any bells she says her name is Linda Lee and she quickly writes up a recommendation letter from her cousin Clark Kent oh and give this Nigel just happens to teach there an orphan well don't expect to be treated any differently on that account miss Lee one way or another all alone on this miserable little planet isn't that what Leonard Maltin said in the description of this movie she's accepted into a and W presents College as she's introduced to her roommate Lucy Lane y-you wouldn't be related to your sister Lois what a coincidence I'm Lex Luthor's second uncle from Metropolis nigel is Perry White's chemistry teacher from Smallville and Selina's Otis's dominatrix from Eagle River so who's your cousin Clark Kent Clark Kent's your cousin you're putting me on you know him do I know am I the thought out jeans slicing of Michael Sheen and Gollum do you know him Superman my sister's got something going with the big guy yep that says close to a Christopher Reeve cameo as you're gonna get real [Music] then Superman's cousin lustfully reaches out and get ups a picture of his chest okay I'll tell you the truth oh that seems fine it is it was actually a comic where they talk about marrying each other despite being cousins yeah what I mean so what car tries to figure bras out anyways I could ask him to what are you doing nothing man Oh Sabrina tries out a love spell I'm a college landscaper named Ethan play by heart Buckner take a spider off is whim okay did that spider scream off is when there'll be a lot less dead spiders in the world if they can make cuddly little sounds like that oh thank you sir boy the nuts in oil into which has been added some of the web boy the chilling Adventures of Sabrina isn't living up to the hype like I thought it would either reaches the house of mad madam damage he sneaks him the potion to see if it works you know I thought we might get to know each other a little more before we dig in and talk real Turkey like they say milk it does a body good oh look I can get you a Rolex but that's the extent of what I can offer he gets lightheaded though and panics running away Selena uses her magic mirror because superheroes and fairy tales are the same thing and he stumbles across to where Linda is about to have lunch thank you very much look they couldn't get Superman so they got Jimmy Olsen the person you most like to see Superman punch thanks for inviting me Lucy you're glad you could come Jimmy hope I was the only original cast member you could afford hustle that tries using magic to grab Ethan and bring him back maybe if I show it my butt that'll help [Music] even for a series that has Superman drunk at a bar this is pretty silly but Supergirl appears to finally do some actual crime-fighting I'll hate Supergirl what's up you're doing such a good job I really love the review and everything thank you for that it's very kadia to say don't mention it I do have one small question if that's okay oh well absolutely what is it what is we're already halfway through this film and I'm only now doing something action related oh well I just don't think they really knew what to do with your character back then ladies superheroes for some reason we're really awkward for people to write in the past well does it get better for me in the future oh absolutely why just one year later they kill you what yeah the comic series called crisis on Infinite Earths and you don't seem to show back up for a really really really long time both but they do bring you back in the 90s really how does that go about is 90s as you would expect how are you I'm 90 Supergirl you're the badass hero everyone's supposed to get behind I know I look a little dated but people can still take me seriously come on Quinn we're gonna be late for class what don't worry I won't tell your five boyfriends you weren't a human fashion accessory for a minute I am NOT a high school bimbo I'm a superhero oh of course anyway even though my outfit is like a little distracting doesn't make me any less okay Lola if you want to defeat the mean team you have to distract them with your feminine wiles dude I'm a superhero oh of course you see you're gonna be timeless wanna hear about the time you dated a [ __ ] is it twice [Applause] [Music] hi everybody I'm chaplain Hyde Schieffelin how you doing there you enjoying looking out the window I sure AM that's great hey chaplain what are your thoughts on stance calm stance calm I love stance calm so much not just about look out this window and ignore you I just think it's great all that's fantastic chaplain but tell me why do you think I like stamps.com so much well I think to myself who in the world still ghost if I want to go over here right now all this thinking makes me want to go on a leisurely stroll as I was saying it just makes me think who in the world still goes to the post office and why it makes me want to shout it on the mountain which i think is over here is there a mountain over here no but I think much better behind the couch but my great thinking couch you see stamps.com brings the convenience of the post office to you no need to interrupt your workday to fight traffic to get to the post office I'm gonna turn the light a little brighter because I'm magic there we go Schieffelin that stuff you say about stamps calm is fantastic can you tell me more I can't but over here follow me we need stamps calm because it just makes me wanna run back to where I was before because I'm incredibly calm and the camera doesn't scare me in the least but you know what else relaxes me stamps calm and saves you time and money with discounts you can't even get at the post office stamps.com brings all the services of the u.s. post office right to your computer whether your small office sending invoices and online sellers shipping up products or even a warehouse sending out thousands of packages a day stamps.com can handle it all with ease simply use your computer to print official US postage 24/7 for any letter any package any class of mail anywhere you want to send away I go to tell the world about stamps.com why I've already talked about over there I guess I'll go over here let's short-term memory lots and once your mail is ready just hand it to your mail carrier or drop it off in the mailbox it's that simple Chaplin I am riveted tell me more you get it with stamps.com you give five cents off every first class damp and up to 40% off Priority Mail not to mention it's a fraction of the cost of those expensive postage meters which are up there yeah they certainly are somewhere up there I see things sometimes you certainly do Chaplin but tell me it stamps calm a no-brainer that's exactly what it is saving you time and money it's no wonder over 700,000 small businesses use dance comm and with my promo code nostalgia you get a special offer that includes a four week free trial plus free postage and a digital scale no long term commitments or contracts just go to Stan's com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in nostalgia that's Tim's com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in nostalgia for your special offer today go to stamps.com and never go to the post office again it makes me want to yarn with joy and excitement good night chef Wade good night stamps.com [Music] hey you can see us at c2e2 in Chicago Illinois February 28th to March 1st booth 102 we have two panels this year a channel awesome panel Sunday at 3:15 and a movies everybody disagrees with you on panel Friday at 6:45 but if he can't make you throw those drop by booth 102 to say hi you can also see us at Midwest gaming classic in Milwaukee Wisconsin they prefer to the fifth we'll have a booth and panels there as well drop on by and say hello we'd love to see you guys there also don't forget to check us out on Twitch Monday through Saturday playing a lot of games telling a lot of jokes and having a lot of fun hope to see you there [Music] so Supergirl arrives to stop the panic in the streets she's so not used to our earth ways this is just what happens when Popeye runs out of chicken sandwiches honestly this is one of the better occurrences ah Jimmy Olsen the only Superman character to be defeated by hey [Music] I'll save you from this live-action Donald Duck cartoon linty changes back and naturally ethan caesar and immediately falls in love due to the spell you're gonna be alright there's no broken bones I hope this hasn't put you off construction Escovedo statistically speaking it is the safest way to travel I love you you love me with all my heart forever Linda boopie I'm your white knight bird of free and careless wing was I for many a smiling spring because repulsed the look askance the Lightning of Love's angry glad stay young love apparently also ups your vocabulary to malkovich levels to my own proclivities are lamented meanwhile Selena and collide start to put together that Super Girl must be one of Nigel's students I worry about everything it's my job stand back oh come on she's just a teenager a 21 year old teenager seriously girls should be put in quotes take shape she unleashes an evil creature called the shadow to track her down and destroy her as Linda starts to realize she kind of likes being violated and even practices kissing in the mirror fun fact that's not Jared Leto wishes kissing worked the monster finds her and attacks and of course to save on money the monster is invisible are you telling me they didn't do enough anw shadows to afford a monster that isn't just heir Jesus what a bunch of cheapskates by the way this episode is brought to you by Dow she takes a lamppost into the sky gets it struck by lightning and uses the electricity to kill the monster like they teach you in school to do a woman's job and that's what you get you have no idea of that monsters a male I'm insulted I love how the head of the dorm sees her in the costume and tells her to go back into uniform which just confirms changing her hair color really doesn't disguise her at all get out of that ridiculous costume yes ma'am I'm cover your legs next you'll be telling me the removal of clothes doesn't camouflage a man you know what you're both missing that's better Linda locates where Selina is but unfortunately Ethan locates Linda still under the love spell lovely Linda Lee these roses pale beside me well thank you but I'm sweet chocolates for my sweet Linda I am the third season of you look surprisingly heartwarming please well alright but just for a minute I suppose stopping a satanic mistress at the Black Arts can be put aside for flirting this whole movie is based on me putting things off you know her soft caress that once renew the beating of his broken heart are you crazy marry me yow I love a romance based on a person's complete absence of free will what a touching see oh right there's like a ton of lives to save the boys Selena places Ethan in the world's [ __ ] weirdest bumper cars and performs a one-woman chorus line super girl in cages her though and gets Ethan to safety just when I thought this movie couldn't show me any more [ __ ] bizarre [ __ ] oh you thought the Superman we're always flying scene was romantic well you've never seen it in a bumper car shape like Tom Brady bookends have you she flies into those landmark Illinois mountains as Ethan tries to figure out what's going on where's my Linda take it easy Linda has brown hair you don't have brown hair you know it's like they took a promising idea and then throughout the whole thing went meanwhile Selena calls upon Nigel's talents in black magic to try and get even back in a sequence that well defies explanation honestly are they trying to hypnotize us you will tell people this is a good movie you will tell them the critics were wrong in Lynda Carter doesn't deserve to smell Helen Slater [ __ ] please which Esprit [Music] well John Waters just wished upon the star I keep the restraints around his arms but why the multitude around his crotch was Nigel like I've seen you Weinstein many a young men this one is mine I've been waiting three hours for you to kiss me wait what Selena steals Nigel's rod no the other one hey you go and uses the combined powers to create her own evil fortress in town so long Chicago still doing nothing cool with you boy those cars are driving fast [Music] I will just join apologize I might be missing some female repulsor Supergirl crashes through the window and I crash and me politely opens as Selena it traps her in an invisible wall why don't you make everything invisible look invisible dragon beware my invisible army look Martin tanner she's invisible she sends Supergirl flying through space her you and she sent to the Phantom Zone where her powers disappear that was graceless how she usually flies oh this rock has my blood in it wait my blood is my blood meanwhile the students back at home have a foolproof way of getting rid of this evil supervillain protesting yeah we're in a college town all right geez then we could protest with complete anonymity computer nerds get out of it while Selina in prisons then Supergirl comes across an old friend in the Phantom Zone so Tarr it's me it's it's Cara squirt and the young woman covered in goo approaches her touchy-feely mentor and is told to open her mouth and receive a square wave you fired me yet I'm not the smashin now back to the scene where a man's genitals are chained to a bed saltar discusses the one way out as of course it's incredibly dangerous and they'll only have one shot at it Selina watches their attempt on her magic mirror [Music] [Applause] our falls behind but Supergirl makes it through to finish off Selena you've had your fun Selena the game is finished back to the Phantom Zone that was too easy no she instead uses her powers to by only annoy her to death [Music] polyphony I could fly I can fly [Music] summons obviously a pretty cool looking monster but don't worry what little credit was one will be lost with this I can't watch it's too lame in effect so give this she breaks free and then shrinks down to spin around her it's the Tasmanian devil speedy Gonzalez and manpower everybody knows she has she raises Selena up to the monster which for some reason means he wants to destroy her now I'm sure this is explained somewhere but then I'd have to rewind it in I just don't have the bravery hey come on Jeannie you're Cugini the day is saved the power sources return and I guess this was a thing any super property where Jimmy gets laid is wrong ugly and wrong goodbye Linda Wow she flew right through my brain hey am I still doing that spell or what yeah who cares off to stop Batman she goes back to interspace presumably using the power source and we're done that's it yeah where Superman had a nice epilogue that took its time this is super girl humming her theme song underwater and that was one of the dumbest things I've ever seen in my life yeah as much as I've crapped on it it truly is one of those films that's so bad it's a ton of fun the choices made are so weird and baffling and the inconsistent season everything from story to acting to effects is part of what makes it a surreal joy I don't kind of feel bad as this director has done plenty of good things and even those actors aren't clearly trying I do have unique deliveries that stand out and maybe in a more focused production they could have brought a lot of charm out of these characters but as written they're laughably bad but at least they are enjoyable in their own bizarre way if you're on the lookout for it can't be madness that has no idea what it wants to be or how it wants to be then look up in the sky it's a turd it's a pain it's super good so that's it outside of comics I won't be remembered for anything other than being a campy joke well yeah no no maybe the future is something good in storage hello Supergirl long time no you I thought we had read you've ruined my life enough it's all right they're giving me another chance to turn it all around really get this you're gonna have your own live-action show watch that's amazing with musical numbers a lot of goofy humor and some of the actors from the original movie what oh and we're also giving you a cartoon show called DC superhero girls where you all go to a super high school full of heroes seriously oh and another show called Justice League action where we make you look like Betty Boop if you were an anime character stop I got it I'm done with this I've been through every crazy reboot retool and revamp that you can destroy okay I am a complicated character the deserves a little dignity and a little respect those are gonna show me that kind of courtesy if you don't do it we'll just find another Supergirl fine I'm not falling for it again mister there's no way that you can make a critical and crowd-pleasing hit with Supergirl Justice League action and DC superhero girls are critical crowd-pleasing hits with their smart riding great sense of humor and surprising respect for their characters only a fool would have passed on these projects that seems very specific but that's what they're paying me to say why here about the time you became a saleswoman for RadioShack squirt squirt hey dub Walker here AIDS Foundation Houston is this week's charity shadow this organization has been in the fight against HIV AIDS since the first cases were reported in 1981 immediately after the first cases began to surface a group of caring community members came together to provide food and clothing for those devastated by this disease as expressed in their mission statement AIDS Foundation Houston leads the innovative efforts and the prevention of new HIV infections and empowers individuals families and communities affected by AIDS to create and sustain healthy lives they envision a supportive community free of new HIV infections where individuals affected lead healthy and productive lives without stigma or discrimination with passion and creativity their staff provide direct care services to over 7,000 men women and children and prevention education with a four star rating and Charity Navigator you can click on the link and see the many ways you can help this wonderful organization achieve its goal you

Channel: Channel Awesome

Views: 967,042

Keywords: channel awesome, nostalgia critic, supergirl, supergirl review, superigrl movie, dc comics, worst comic book movie, bad comic book movies, dc comics movies, movie, film, doug walker, funny movie reviews, funny movie reactions, movie reviews, film review, review, bad movie reviews

Id: IxUnlE-iXpQ

Length: 37min 52sec (2272 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 19 2020