Suicide Squad - The Worst Superhero Movie Ever Made

welcome back to the worst superhero movies ever made a series where i re-evaluate my personal biases today is a very special occasion in honor of the new suicide squad soft reboot by james gunn i figure it's about time i finally tackle the other movie i've been teasing since i started this series now the new one isn't out yet but i think it looks like it might be pretty good but i gotta watch the original first so i can truly get the full picture for a little bit of background i've only sort of seen this movie before i watched it one time when it came out and i heard it was bad so i got drunk beforehand just so i could enjoy it to its fullest and i also turned it off about halfway through so this is mostly going to be a new experience for me oh but real quick this video isn't sponsored by anybody but i will warn you guys that warner brothers hates me and some of you already know this but occasionally they'll force me to mute clips or remove them completely if they have any kind of background music in them whatsoever so if all of a sudden the audio cuts out or there's a weird visual glitch it's them not me just giving you guys a heads up so without further ado let's decide if suicide squad truly is the worst superhero movie ever made first shot of the movie and we have black text on a dark backdrop that's right baby we're watching a real bad movie today okay so right off the bat we have one of my movie pet peeves licensed music now i don't think all licensed music is bad in a movie i think that a lot of films use licensed music very well but that's only when the person who made the movie specifically had a certain song in mind for the scene with some movies you can tell the studio just kind of threw music in there for the hell of it in this movie music is basically chosen at random so this first song is house of the rising sun which is about a brothel in new orleans i mean yeah they're in louisiana but is that really as far as it goes so anyway our first main character is will smith kellog's rice krispies and i want to say right off the bat that i don't think will smith fits this role at all i will admit will smith really does know how to get people's butts in the theater people will go see a movie just because it has him in it but whenever he plays a grizzled criminal or anybody who's stoic it always fails because he's just like a likable charismatic guy i don't see will smith as a hardened badass may i go to my room sir do not sit down and right after our introduction to will smith we get our second licensed song we are only a minute or two away from the previous song so i'd really like if we could space these out a little bit and this song is used to introduce our second main character margot robbie as the suicide girl now i think it's no secret at this point that margot robbie is pretty good at this character now after watching birds of prey i'd say that she is the most comic accurate superhero movie character next to like jk simmons as j jonah jameson yeah i don't really have any issue with claiming that she's pretty good and i can't really picture anybody else in the role however there is a big difference in harley when she's being written by a woman what you are so cool and when she is being written by a man i see where i want when i want with who i want birds of prey was made to kind of fix harley and distance herself from this movie a little bit because if you compare harley in that movie and harley in this movie she's kind of [ __ ] awful in this movie she isn't cute or funny at all so the [ __ ] that she says is a lot less bearable love your perfume what is that the scent of death anyway just three minutes in and we have song number three which is sympathy for the devil so far that's a new song every single minute that is [ __ ] insane this song is to introduce our third character amanda waller she's a strict no-nonsense government lady who wants to gather the super-powered criminals and use them for a special task force now i'm gonna be honest with you guys real quick i was putting this video off for a while because i have trouble explaining why this movie is bad and i don't think i'm alone in that you don't really see as many long video essay breakdowns for this movie as you would for say batman v superman even though i think this is by far the worst movie the thing is you kind of have to watch this for yourself to truly understand how shitty it is it's not like some of the other movies that i've talked about in this series where i can just show you a funny out of context clip and that's it it speaks for itself this movie is truly bad down to its core so far in the span of four short minutes we have three licensed songs we're introduced to three main characters we get multiple flashbacks for harley quinn then flashbacks for superman's funeral and also harley quinn does this the movie literally just started and it feels like it's rushing everything so next at five minutes in we have our fourth song which is our first rap song now this is another pet peeve of mine but i hate when a movie has a rap song and it's just to introduce the black character i don't know man like come on this song is to introduce deadshot a second time and immediately you can see where the deadpool inspiration kicks in see i didn't explain it before but the deal with this movie and the reason it feels so [ __ ] weird is that's basically two movies it's kind of the same situation as the joss whedon justice league cut this movie got made like 90 percent of the way and then warner brothers panicked at the last second and they were like [ __ ] this movie's boring and batman v superman did really bad because it was dark and boring and deadpool did really well and is really popular but we need to make this movie into deadpool now so they took the movie and they [ __ ] chopped it up into little pieces and they tried to make it into deadpool which obviously doesn't work and that's also why birds of prey is basically just deadpool for girls so yeah this movie is basically two movies cut into one they re-shot and re-wrote and re-edited a bunch of stuff and it's not as obviously like egregious as justice league but i do think that the final product is much messier and more confusing i mean who knows what the movie would have looked like if wb didn't [ __ ] with it so much because apparently the director david ayer described his original cut of this movie as a soulful drama so anyway deadshot is an expert marksman who's just trying to make an honest living as a gun for hire and then batman swoops down and beats him up in front of his daughter batman please don't kill my dad and now he's in super jail after that we get our second introduction to harley and we get our fifth license song super freak by rick james harlequin i mean this one technically fits too she is super freaky i think i just find any unironic use of this song to be extremely hilarious keep in mind this movie was originally intended to be a soulful drama and you can tell that this quick montage of harley's backstory was intended to be much longer and more fleshed out but now it's cut up into little pieces with almost all the dialogue gone and none of the actors performances are showing at all and they just decided to throw a [ __ ] rick james song in for good measure also i can say here that jared leto's joker in this movie just doesn't work he straight up does not feel like the joker at all and i'm fine with different interpretations of comic book characters especially a character like the joker heath ledger's joker doesn't really feel like the joker either but he's doing his own thing and it works for that movie this joker just isn't the joker he could be any gangster character he's kind of a douchebag he isn't intimidating or creepy he's just like a [ __ ] boy one of our only scenes with him is a flashback where he's trying to get common to [ __ ] harley and it's just so [ __ ] awkward i don't want no beef you want no bees you don't want no beef you don't want no beef why is this the one scene you decided to keep in its entirety what the [ __ ] is going on anyway batman arrests harley for like a dui or something i don't know i haven't seen the movie but now we're under 14 minutes in and we're given our fifth montage this time introducing a fourth character and featuring the sixth licensed song so far and now we're one minute later at the 15 minute mark introducing our fifth character with our seventh license song and i can't even tell if this song is thematically appropriate or not because this introduction doesn't even teach me anything about this character also here's a fun product of the reshoots they say that when this guy was in prison the inmates all attacked him at once and then he killed them with his fire powers but i don't know it doesn't look like anybody was near him to me and then later we see that footage again and we clearly see that nobody was fighting him at all this is a weird thing that this movie does they clearly shot one thing but then they rewrote the backstories for these characters but didn't change the footage this movie constantly will tell us one thing and then just use a take that contradicts what we are told this movie has such bad editing that it actively lies to you oh and don't blink because it's just 30 seconds later and we have our sixth character and eighth licensed song which is they call him killer croc fortunate sun for killer croc this song is about vietnam what does it have to do with the crocodile man that lives in the sewer oops no sorry i can't focus on that for too long because just a minute later we have the seventh character and this one this one's actually important for the plot those other guys they don't really matter that much but this one is the important one honestly it's your fault for not knowing that you idiot oh look another character i actually forgot this guy was in this movie oh and by the way those last two characters from that last montage they fell in love off screen i mean yeah we haven't heard a single line of dialogue from either of them and they've only been on screen for less than two minutes but this movie wants us to be invested in their romance i cannot stress enough that this is the exact opposite way to make a movie but we still just started it is very painful for me whenever i realize how little of the movie has passed so far this movie has spent its entire first 20 minutes on introducing characters with these insane montages and after all of that we don't know any of these people anyway let me try to speed things along and try to explain the plot so this girl is the enchantress she's possessing this researcher girl and she has magical powers so the government keeps her on their payroll so she can like do stuff for them i don't know amanda waller has her heart in a box too so if the enchantress goes too crazy she can like stab the heart like a pen or whatever she has on hand and it calms her down basically this also leads to amanda waller wanting more superheroes or meta humans for her task force and yeah she knows about aquaman and the flash and she's friends with batman but she does not ask them to be on her team instead she just visits the super jail to pick up killer croc and diablo and harley quinn i mean yeah i guess if aquaman's not answering your calls beggars can't be choosers but here's something about the suicide squad series that i always think is a little silly i get why deadshot's here okay he's human but he has a near inhuman ability to shoot stuff with guns super well and i understand like the big shark and characters like that i get everything but harley quinn she's just a normal girl with a bat why would the government want her help she doesn't offer any tactical assistance she's not really that good of a fighter gotta work on my cardio you can do karate what are you talking about well anyway don't think about that stuff look deadshot's on the screen hey somebody put on the kanye song i think this might be the first racist soundtrack i should also bring up the fact that the dialogue in this movie is butt ass damn that is just a mean lady and i think most of it's only bad because the movie is literally out of order so far amanda waller is trying to assemble a team but we don't know what it's for because there is no threat at this point this ain't world war ii it's world war iii no it's not there is no conflict i'm fairly sure that by this point in the original draft the central antagonistic force was probably already established but in this version of the movie we have spent the first half hour just cramming in as many flashbacks and montages and [ __ ] music videos in so we can justify how many people are in this movie there's also this super weird scene where joker's sitting in his ridiculous knife room or as he calls it his knife room and his goon comes in and he's like where is she well uh you left her to get arrested by the batman she's in jail you don't remember that but then this henchman explains with dialogue that they added in post that she's being held in a super secret prison everybody's disappearing there's this new law if you're a bad enough bad guy to stamp terrorists on your jacket and it's pretty obvious to me that this scene clearly belonged somewhere else in the movie and had a completely different purpose in the story and that happens a lot man look at joker's face i feel you man i don't get what's going on either but you know i gotta say the longer i watch this movie the more jared leto's joker is growing on me because he is so [ __ ] stupid but it's kind of funny and that's really all i have to look forward to in this movie so meanwhile the enchantress takes over the researcher lady's body and she flies away one night to find her brother i guess she has a brother no one told me that but he's lying dormant in this random guy was this stuff supposed to be established in the earlier scene because i think we forgot to put that in oh but i'm sorry my mistake they explained that her brother was inside a jar in this tiny little bit of text right here so wait i was actually supposed to read all the [ __ ] that was on the screen whenever a character got introduced yeah let me tell you some of this is very important information out of all those [ __ ] flashbacks and montages you didn't explain to me anything about this character's romantic subplot her brother her powers her plan and now this is happening i have no context for what i'm looking at is this a new movie did i change the channel yo can we cool it with the music whose idea was the music this is like the 10th or 11th [ __ ] song and the movie just won't slow down for a second i don't have time to process how many things are being thrown at me so you remember when i told you guys that i tried watching this movie when i was drunk well now i know why i tuned it out because this movie already makes you feel drunk so being drunk on top of that is just downright disorienting so if you're out there and you don't drink alcohol i will just tell you straight up this is what it feels like so anyway enchantress awakened her brother who turned into a monster and then the enchantress flies back to her hotel and turns back into a normal human then seconds later her and the white man just appear at the city that her brother is attacking and i don't mean seconds later from our perspective they basically teleport there i know that because he's still on the train tracks fighting people what are they trying to do well i guess they're trying to kill her brother how are they planning on doing that again i do not know he just looks at her and he says this i can't do this i can't listen there's no other way just get it done what what does that mean this guy is also fully aware that her demonic form is what awakened this monster guy in the first place so why is he okay with unleashing her again i'm even more confused because amanda waller is upset that this is happening she's like what the [ __ ] is the enchantress doing and then she starts stabbing the heart like a freak this is also the first time that the threat of the movie has appeared but amanda waller already got her team together before all this happened i mean that's pretty convenient literally hours after you assemble your team a super villain appears i just have to say again it feels like this movie was made wrong there are clearly scenes and lines of dialogue missing and the scenes that are in the movie give us zero context for what is happening because they're all out of order half of the characters that got these flashy montages haven't even said or done anything yet and despite that the movie feels like it's halfway done already i'm really remembering why i put this video off for so long i don't know if i can do this i cannot analyze a movie that isn't interested in making sense maybe i am a fraud maybe that makes me a bad critic you know no i can't do this cut the [ __ ] mic i'm done i'm gonna go watch other movies there's other movies out there that are actually good and worth watching okay so uh it's day two of me attempting to watch this movie uh this isn't a bit either i legitimately had to go take a break but i'm here now i'm ready to dive back in i'm in a much better mood i'm hydrated i'm feeling good and uh and immediately we have another licensed song [Music] is this music i love i can't get enough of that sweet music you know seven nation army doesn't fit this scene either would you pick it because it has army in the title of the song and this scene has army men oh and if that's not enough we get another character for our suicide squad oh my god you can't do that i'm pretty sure so at this point in the movie our heroes are being recruited to go in and stop the enchantress and her brother except they aren't that's right even though amanda waller specifically made this task force to fight against other superpowered individuals she's using them to extract somebody from the city [Music] i'm sorry i can't keep commenting on the music or i'll be here all [ __ ] day also right as they get on their helicopter and leave to go to the city another [ __ ] character shows up at the last minute it's like she was late they even immediately rushed to like this quick flashback montage for her so she can get one just like everybody else this is so sloppy and it feels like a mistake it feels like they forgot to put this character in the movie until now i would advise not getting killed by her her sword traps the souls of its victims honestly if anything i should just at least be happy that her montage didn't have any licensed music man come on see this song is called spirit in the sky and in this scene they are in the sky so now every single one of our stupid-ass characters are introduced and the plot has actually begun and at this point this starts to feel like a real movie up to now it's basically been a music video but this is where things level out a bit and right off the bat one of our characters decides that he wants to get the hell out of this movie oh his head blew up see now this is the only guy that didn't get a montage or a flashback or anything so yeah it's pretty obvious he was gonna die right away he literally dies like a few minutes after he's introduced now if this was actually done better i think this would be kind of funny and like i said the new suicide squad movie isn't out yet as of the time of me making this video and there are a shitload of characters in that so i kind of hope that more of them die just to show that they are truly expendable i also hope that movie has actual characters in it because this movie notably has very bad character work in trying to cram all of these characters in and waste time on flashbacks and stupid [ __ ] like that we are left with nobody to latch onto emotionally the character that has the most development at this point in the movie isn't deadshot and it isn't harley it's [ __ ] rick flagg and saying that he is a developed character is like saying bob the tomato is a developed character actually i'm sorry that was an insult to bob i don't even have examples to show you guys how these are bad characters because there's no evidence in this movie for me to show you anything i can't show you something that isn't there most of the character work in this movie was montages or characters bickering or characters boasting and trying to show how cool they are every character feels like the same character i thought maybe captain boomerang was gonna be like the comic relief but he doesn't [ __ ] say or do anything in the whole movie i don't even know why he's here and you know what i changed my mind i think the joker really is the only character in this movie that i like because he's the only one who's doing something different than everybody else but either way these characters [ __ ] suck they're dull they have no soul and they say stupid [ __ ] i don't even have enough time to point out how many dumb lines are in this movie stay evil doll face we're bad guys it's what we do what we some kind of suicide squad that's the name of the movie but hey check it out we actually have an action scene now i mean we gotta get some shots for the trailer so let's have our characters fight some generic power rangers villains for a little bit and seriously again why is harley here you guys have trained soldiers and people with superpowers why did we bring the naked girl with the baseball bat and the destiny pistol also seriously what the [ __ ] are they fighting is this movie allergic to giving us context oh sorry no my mistake they tell us what these guys are in the scene after they fight them why is everything out of order even some of the worst movies i've ever seen have had their scenes in the correct order that's like the first thing you learn it is such a weird thing to [ __ ] up and also i think it's really funny that the power rangers putties are super [ __ ] vicious when they kill the unnamed soldiers but they act like they don't want to hurt the main characters they tear the normal people to pieces but when they get to flag they try to carry him away like they're left for dead zombies so anyway after that the suicide squad wanders around and they get to that building where they have to extract somebody and then they get into another fight with more faceless zombies and then the zombies try to drag rick flag away again and after it happened the second time i was thinking okay there's gotta be something to this maybe because you know the enchantress is in love with him she told them to capture him alive or something but no there's no reason they just keep trying to drag him away damn the flag again and they also keep saying that if flag dies they die which isn't true half of the time they say that they want to overpower him and take the detonator for themselves and the other half of the time they [ __ ] love him it's like he's part of their family i lost one family i ain't gonna lose another one you guys do not know each other it's worth mentioning at this point this movie has a lot of weird moments where the team acts like they're friends harley calls deadshot her friend even though we've never seen them have a real conversation before you're my friend too but we haven't seen these guys bond or get to know one another this movie's over an hour in by now and i don't know what the [ __ ] we spent that time on but anyway after that dumb fight the suicide squad learns that the person they needed to extract from this building was amanda waller they are in fact not here to stop the super villains they are just here to give waller a ride home i wish i was making that up because none of this makes any sense firstly amanda waller assembled her squad before she entered the city she rounded them up for a mission to rescue her before she was even there she didn't need rescuing yet the team literally got brought together and debriefed before she even arrived there and what's even more baffling is that they tell us that she was there the whole time but that's not true because we heard the other government dudes earlier say for waller to get her came into the city once the incident happened but this [ __ ] guy says that they were already there this is supposed to be like a big twist or something but there's no way to interpret it in a way that makes sense and then when you realize that she assembled this strike team of super powered individuals just so they could give her a ride home it becomes laughable so anyway they call an uber for waller but the joker hijacks their ride because he's here to save harley joker grabs harley and they just slowly fly away and then waller begs deadshot to shoot her even though she has multiple soldiers that apparently aren't interested in shooting harley or the helicopter that just attacked them but whatever i can't get mad because i get to see the joker again and it makes me so happy to see him he's just so ridiculous but also there's something about his line delivery in this scene that sounds really weird this bird is baked like for some reason they re-recorded his lines and he sounds extra strange he sounds like jim carrey from the mask okay honey it's me and you hold on sugar daddy's got a sweet tooth tonight however after he reunites with harley their helicopter gets shot down and he blows up oh my god and this is truly devastating to me because now i really have nothing to enjoy in this movie but also this scene is pretty weird because it doesn't look like harley's that upset that her boyfriend died hey guys i'm back she looks more dejected it's almost like she's upset that she got dumped this is my theory if you remember in birds of prey harley says that she got dumped by the joker and we never see this happen but i think that that was supposed to happen in this movie but for whatever reason they changed it it was confirmed that in this movie the original idea was to have deadshot and harley throw a romance in this movie but obviously that didn't work out in the final cut and joker ends up staying with harley in this movie but i don't think that's how it was supposed to go i think he was supposed to break up with her at some point in this sequence because the thing is her reaction in this scene and the fact that all of his scenes have re-recorded dialogue just shows me that the story was changed at some point i think everything after the helicopter blowing up is the footage that was intended to be in the original movie harley's upset because she got dumped and then she gets encouraged by her allies to keep fighting because also in this scene it doesn't make sense that they all just accept her back into the group no questions asked because the joker tried to kill them and she betrayed them and yeah you can make the excuse that they're bad guys and they don't care if they get betrayed by their friend but why would rick flagg be okay with this he's supposed to kill her if she tries to escape but now she's back after she just got some of his men killed and he literally doesn't care he doesn't say a single word about it also harley doesn't have any reason to stay here her bomb is deactivated she can just leave but no she stays with the group and lets the government decide her fate this is possibly the most out of character thing that she could do it really feels like there are two movies smushed into one another it's very clear something is off about this but anyway amanda waller gets into her uber and then it gets shot down and then the putties kidnap her and they bring her to the enchantress so that the enchantress can be like now tell me how to destroy your armies what i don't know just stab them with magic tentacles you've been doing fine so far after that flag finally explains what's been going on he tells the group that the enchantress has taken over the city honestly that's the only thing that i knew for sure i did not need any more clarification there however he does show more of that flashback from earlier of the enchantress transforming and running away with her brother now i thought this extended scene would make this scene make more sense but it doesn't it doesn't explain why they sent her in because again they know that she caused this problem in the first place they know that enchantress is trying to run away with her brother but they still sent her in to confront her brother needless to say the whole thing was a bad idea yeah no [ __ ] buddy this flashback to a flashback also introduces a new stupid aspect where she leaves this bomb underground with flag before she runs away to her brother which is very confusing i wonder how he dealt with that but also it doesn't explain why waller stabbing the heart didn't stop the enchantress the heart just doesn't matter anymore she's fine without it because her brother makes it so that the heart isn't necessary this is the one flashback that somehow makes things more confusing oh and by the way if that wasn't bad enough rick flags says that all of this happened three days ago which is simply not true because that [ __ ] was happening while the suicide squad was on their way to the city it took them three days to fly a few states away this is the one time the movie tries to clarify things and it manages to make things worse so after the squad hears this they decide to leave the movie and go get a drink at a bar and i will say that this is the one normal scene in the movie the characters actually sit around and they have a meaningful conversation for once the movie is almost over but now it's finally decided to try maybe this is the soulful drama that we were promised this scene isn't perfect though for instance diablo explains how he killed his wife and kids and harley is horrified to hear this and the kids he killed them what you're harley quinn you helped kill robin in this universe why do you care if children die he killed them didn't you something tells me a whole lot of people are about to die but i still think that this is the one scene in the entire movie that is trying to be a real movie and it's very strange but this movie gets more normal as it goes on it starts to gradually slow down it has kind of like the opposite progression of a regular movie i'm starting to think that the last third of this movie is some of the least tampered with content that we've seen so far however there are still hints of a bad movie sprinkled around the editing is still very strange it's not real it's right it's not real the dialogue is still awful lady you are evil and we still have no context and no connection to the main villain we never got to know anything about her she could have been replaced with any character she's probably the worst villain i have ever seen in a superhero movie and i do not say that lightly and at the end of the day this movie does not change the trope of every dc movie ending in a dumb cgi monster fight and there are still logical inconsistencies at every turn remember that bomb from the previous scene well they use it to blow up the enchantress's brother even though they told us they can't blow him up from underground i think this is the first time a movie has attempted to gaslight me it really is just impossible to make total sense of this movie for a brief moment i gave it the benefit of the doubt but the movie is basically over and the foundations are just too broken so at this point when harley stops the big dumb erjb and she says this you mess with my friends i feel nothing because they aren't friends but hey maybe in the air cut they were friends maybe in the soulful drama cut they were friends but in this version they are not friends so that's it the bad guys defeated the suicide squad goes back to jail and the movie ends with one last licensed song [Music] i am so glad this is over i really underestimated just how bad this movie is this movie doesn't do a single thing correctly this movie is simply broken it is a franken movie it is two movies haphazardly stitched together to make something that i can't even refer to as a film even the post-credits scene is cut awkwardly the last shot of the movie isn't even cut right shut it down my friends and i will do it for you what the [ __ ] is going on the fact that the movie was released in this state is an embarrassment i usually give a lot of excuses to dumb bad superhero movies and that's why i made this series but this is truly my limit this is the movie that i now have to compare against all others from now on because this truly is in my humble opinion the worst superhero movie ever made so to wrap it up i'm gonna give suicide squad a prestigious monumental one out of ten [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] you

Channel: The Cosmonaut Variety Hour

Views: 2,688,419

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Id: a_XZE_8FmPQ

Length: 36min 35sec (2195 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 03 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/silenceandsycophancy]

Instant classic Marcus video

[u/AMeaninglessPassage]

That was hard to watch, not because of Marcus, but because of how horrible that movie seems to be.

[u/iamthemovie1992]

The bit at the end with the after credits scene had me dying.

[u/occuporn]

Cosmono

[u/ALM_nerd]

noice