The Marvel Cinematic Universe - All Movies Reviewed and Ranked (Pt. 1)

[Music] hey guys uncle cosmonaut here now I'm gonna level with you guys right now last year I planned on making a video titled why the Marvel Universe sucks or the problem with the Marvel Universe and you know what something magical happened to me I had so much to say I was gonna talk about how all these movies are the same how they're all so unoriginal but I couldn't do it you want to know why because I saw infinity war four times and you know what I'd probably see it a fifth time yeah if anybody wants to go see it with me I'm free all weekend so you know what I'm not feeling mean today I'm not feeling bitter no no today we're gonna do something different today we're gonna be nice or we're gonna we're gonna try our best to be nice so you know what today we are going to review every single Marvel Cinematic Universe movie ever made on this little flash drive here I have all of the movies even the ones I don't really like that much now before we start I'm gonna have to set some rules okay so listen up I'm going to be going in release order that means we're gonna go from Iron Man 1 all the way to Black Panther no I'm not doing infinity war because I literally reviewed that movie like a week ago now yeah I did review Black Panther and homecoming in some of the other movies but we're gonna be revisiting them to see if my opinion has changed at all because I've really only watched most of these movies one time I have never really gone back to rewatch any of them you guys should probably buckle up cuz I think this is gonna be the longest video yet so let's start things off and dive right into Iron Man 1 Iron Man one actually isn't really that bad I mean go figure it's actually pretty good now I'll be real with you guys I never really liked the Iron Man that much I don't even like him in the comics I'll be reading new Avengers and it's all dark and depressing and Tony Stark's over here making jokes and ruining everybody's mood listen man you really gotta grow up Tony Stark is a huge [ __ ] and it took the movies like eight years to figure this out now this is before the Marvel movies got all quippy and jokey so instead of being funny Tony's kind of just a jackass you intimidate them good god you're a woman when I saw this movie I did not like it at all but I was also like 15 at the time I think I'm not gonna do the math so I wasn't nearly as critical about movies back then but to be honest that's not really fair because this movie is actually decent watching this movie with today's current context is actually pretty fun in the new movies Tony's basically [ __ ] invincible he's got robots everywhere he never seems to be in much danger compare this to the first scene of this movie where he can clearly see how he reacts when he's in a helpless situation he doesn't even need to put his suit on in the new movies cuz it's like grafted onto his skin and [ __ ] like in the comics so it makes scenes like this a lot of fun to revisit remember when it took him a while to get everything done remember when he could barely [ __ ] fly I mean I think the new Ironman stuff is pretty cool but I've also grown an appreciation for this movie just because it's really cute in comparison plus the story is also engaging to a certain degree the first act takes its time telling the story about how Tony breaks out of his captivity takes him a long-ass time before he gets back to America and that's a good thing it makes the situation feel more desperate and dire Tony returning to society with a new outlook on life offers a good little character art form plus we get a lot of scenes about him making his first suit remember in superhero movies when we had montages of the hero making their costume and training yeah I missed that [ __ ] also real quick I loved the scene when he goes back to the Middle East just to exact his revenge on the terrorists who kidnapped him earlier in the movie like he goes [ __ ] nuts he's a straight savage in the scene however this movie is not perfect and that is because of the third act it's [ __ ] horrible the last chunk of this movie goes down the toilet pretty hard this is because of giant robot Jeff Bridges this movie drops the ball by making Jeff Bridges the main villain his motivations are there yeah but this isn't the kind of movie that needed a big dumb super villain in a giant robot suit his plan also makes absolutely no sense that's because he doesn't have a plan he kind of just gets annoyed and then he jumps in the suit and he tries to kill Tony and Pepper Potts he also tries to kill a car full of innocent people I don't understand his plan he wants to take over Tony's company but doing stuff like this is just gonna get you sent to prison what are you what are you trying to do now this is a problem that a lot of these movies have if we're being honest most of the Marvel movies in this video are going to fall victim to the shitty messy third act dilemma so we're gonna make a codename for it from here on out we're gonna call this the evil robot Jeff Bridges problem or the ER JB for short so anyway despite the shitty last chunk of this movie I think it's a pretty fun flick it's got some interesting characters Coulson's actually really important which is weird but it's cool Tony and pepper actually have the most chemistry in this movie out of the whole series they're fun action sequences and this movie has probably my third favorite ending in the Marvel Cinematic Universe only because they end this movie with Iron Man by Black Sabbath they didn't have to do that but they did that they did that for us 7 out of 10 not bad coupon so um the next movie is Incredible Hulk yeah The Incredible Hulk is probably the most out of place movie in the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe for obvious reasons it's the only one made by Universal and it has a super weird tone throughout the movie which makes it not feel like the rest of the movies in phase one Edward Norton was obviously replaced by Mark Ruffalo as the Hulk for the rest of the movies and I think that's probably a good thing now Norton isn't really bad in this movie but he's pretty forgettable he's really not bringing anything interesting to the table here his line delivery is kind of flat and boring but for some movies that works I'm gonna change my answer in fact this is my real job scoutmaster true 55 math teacher on the side in this movie he's just playing a guy like a normal guy the good thing about Mark Ruffalo is that he adds a vulnerability in a bit of a mystery to the character he adds a little bit of dr. Jekyll to the role if you know what I mean but everywhere Norton is playing a regular [ __ ] guy you are the man also Tim Roth is in this movie and he kills a dog now we're supposed to believe that Tim Roth is this highly trained super soldier but then we see him with his shirt off and he has a serious case of dad bod one weird thing about this movie that I should probably mention is that the soundtrack is actually strangely good like while Bruce Banner is hiding in Brazil the soundtrack takes a lot of unique percussion during the tense scenes and then there are just really nice pieces of the soundtrack that's straight up make the movie more enjoyable to watch [Music] it's sad that people didn't watch this movie because the soundtrack is actually pretty good it's like the only good thing about the movie for being honest anyway let's talk about the actual content of the movie the worst thing about this movie and you've probably noticed already the effects are [ __ ] they look like garbage now yeah I expected some of these movies to have pretty dated effects but most of them actually looked pretty good except for this one now the effects are even worse when put next to normal footage and I'm not talking about having CGI ugly Hulk next to Arwen that's obviously gonna look bad but whenever the shot changes between an entirely CG shot to a normal natural shot it's really a weird looking it's super jarring honestly this movies at its best when Hulk isn't [ __ ] in it which is a bummer because it's a Hulk movie it's also a bummer because the actors aren't doing a very good job I don't really feel comfortable calling Liv Tyler a bad actress because I haven't really seen her in anything except for that one movie you may have heard of it however she is just [ __ ] horrible in this film she like whispers all of her [ __ ] lines in this breathy Airy voice but then there's this really hilarious scene where she just starts screaming out of nowhere what it's so out of character for her to like this is the only time she screams it's really weird it's just a weird movie like overall this whole movies just weird this is a really odd scene where the two main villains are talking and nobody's mouths are moving what the [ __ ] is up with that there's also a shitload of fanservice and it's kind of obnoxious like they thought people were gonna go into this movie and lose their [ __ ] if they saw him holding up a pair of purple pants look how long this scene goes on for now this movie does kind of have an ER JB Tim Roth turns into a giant [ __ ] ghoul and he destroys the city but it's actually sort of justified in the story and it's built up naturally I mean he doesn't have motivations because he's just kind of crazy so this result doesn't even bother me that much however the problem with the final battle is that it looks so bad that I can't even tell what the [ __ ] is happening half of the time any words oh I seriously can't make this [ __ ] up one last thing worth noting there is no post credit scene for this movie this is the only one without a post credit scene Tony Stark just shows up as the last scene I guess they weren't that confident that they get people to sit through the credits so yeah this movie's [ __ ] strange get drunk and watch it with your friends four out of ten you Iron Man 2 is [ __ ] boring I don't have a lot to say about this one it's probably the most forgettable movie in phase one the most important elements are the introduction of Scarlett Johansson and Tony replacing his heart with a new heart sorry circles triangles are my new best friends so Mickey Rourke is in this movie and he's not doing a very good job you want a Burton with my bullet I can get you a Ferengi den Berg I bump my boy there really isn't a lot going on in this movie if we're being completely honest I actually like the scenes of Tony being an emotional wreck but that doesn't really last that long these scenes are a lot of fun but I feel like the rest of this story should have been more cleanly woven around these elements this should have been a movie solely about Tony not trying to die of heart shrapnel that was really hard to say Hart shrapnel harsh heart instead we get this stupid plotline about how the government is mad at him and pepper is stressed at her new job no and Nick Fury is doing something and this [ __ ] guy is being a jackass the whole time all the way from Russia he's the main villain and I hate him you feel bad cuz that's how I feel not probably my main problem with this movie is the main conflict let me try to explain it because it's a little weird and it's kind of stupid so the government gets mad at Tony because he owns a weapon of mass destruction but he's like it's okay I'm the only guy who knows how to make Iron Man suits so you guys don't have to worry about it it's totally safe so then the government is like okay we believe you that makes sense and then they leave them alone first of all I don't know how many of you live in America but that's not how it works so then Mickey Rourke comes out he attacks a bunch of people with this little whip machine and the government's like hey Tony you said nobody could make Iron Man technology we're real mad at you right now you were full of [ __ ] and now we're pissed off except like his little whippin machine isn't really on the same level as an Iron Man suit like Tony basically says nobody's gonna have the resources and the skill to do what I do and he was still right so why are they mad at him he wasn't lying so whiplashes plan is to get revenge on Tony Stark so he goes out to the racetrack to kill Tony Stark but Tony literally decided to go out on the racetrack at the last minute like it was a spontaneous decision I didn't Mickey Rourke know that Tony was gonna be out there so then Mickey Rourke makes this big-ass Iron Man drone army and they attack a bunch of people at Tony's big convention so realistically people would be really [ __ ] mad at Tony now because it looked like he was basically endorsing these things before they turned on and went haywire but now everybody thanks him for stopping the evil robot threat and the movie ends what why is everybody cool with this now the government was literally just mad at Tony because he lied so I don't know this movie's dumb and it's boring and I was like two good scenes all right four out of ten let's watch Thor I like this drink another please get it that's what he says in the in the okay whatever now this is gonna be a personal one because I really don't like this movie Thor one is my least favorite movie in phase one and I do not say that lightly revisiting these movies has mostly been charming and fun but this movie really really bored me like I really wanted to turn it off in this movie we watch Thor jerk off in the desert with Padme for two hours while Loki whines on Asgard now you may notice that this movie also has [ __ ] Dutch angles y'all know I hate Dutch angles I hate these stupid ugly tilted angles just film it like a normal person look at these shots even the establishing shots are Dutch angles this looks like an amateur did this so anyway on to the real meat of this movie this movie introduces Thor before he started dyeing his beard plus a supporting cast of people who aren't even in the [ __ ] movies anymore I love this scene at the 15-minute mark where Thor is like hey guys you're all my friends and the audience should really care about you because we are friends like friends if you forgot to know that we have done Fandral hogan who led you into the most glorious battles this movie has a lot of [ __ ] to explain to the audience okay I understand that I'm not saying the exposition is a bad idea I'm saying that you have to do it well like look at how they explain teleportation with the Bifrost you just need to leave the bridge open would unleash the full power apply for us and destroy you - I'm with you opponent why the [ __ ] would any of these guys not know how the main teleporter works it makes no sense that this man is explaining it to them they probably know this they are 15 thousand years old they know how the Bifrost works this is bad exposition and this movie is full of [ __ ] like this so in this movie Thor goes around and he slaughters some White Walkers for no reason even though his dad told him that he wasn't allowed to be a [ __ ] psychotic maniac so he loses the hammer and he gets kicked out of Asgard for being a bad boy now here's the problem with Thor stories Thor is really [ __ ] strong like insanely strong when he has the hammer he is basically unstoppable so how do you write a story about an unstoppable demigod well you take away his powers and you give him a human girlfriend to worry about wait what a good writer can figure out new [ __ ] for Thor to deal with the best thing Ragnarok did was take Thor down a few notches the four of the current Marvel Cinematic Universe is way different than the guy in this movie he's kind of a big dumb brute but he also carries with him a lot of pain and determination now in Captain America movies and Iron Man movies you see the arc of these characters naturally occur in front of you with Thor it's like they didn't even know what to [ __ ] do with him until tyka came along and was like amen you're not doing that right he's how you do it that's as good as that accent is gonna get I'm sorry to disappoint you guys now once Thor gets down to earth this movie is completely different because now the movie is funny now I think this movie might be more interesting if they filmed all the earth scenes in a different City New Mexico is not a good setting for an action-adventure movie it's a good setting for Breaking Bad the locations in this movie are either really pretty CG Asgard or ugly-ass New Mexico I get that that's the point like you're supposed to compare the two and in the beginning of this movie the setting hasn't really gotten annoying yet it gets old really fast everything gets old really fast if this movie was like 30 minutes shorter I'd probably like it way more see in this scene Anthony Hopkins gets really bored with the movie and he just falls asleep that's just proof right there also I think now is probably a good time to mention my favorite cliche in the Marvel Cinematic Universe because this is a cliche that I first noticed with this movie and it has remained a staple since I call it the mandatory Marvel movie shirtless scene [Music] [Applause] [Music] facing aboard the regular seven evoke a pine collectible he'll tell kids 12 butter pens that a man which part the most ship in will be American nonsense and butter break setup routine for you gonna see if you ever wonder why I say these movies are all the same just please refer back to that montage thank you now it's hard hating this movie because a lot of it is admittedly personal preference for me this movie is just everything that I don't find fun about these movies I'm of the opinion that Natalie Portman is not a very good actress that's just me please do not yell at me for saying that I just feel like she's always holding something back in her performances and this movie her character also bugs me a lot she's supposed to be like a smart scientist girl but she's really [ __ ] stupid any sane person would never talk to or hang out with Thor because he is a crazy person you think you're just gonna walk in grab her Stephanie walk out no I'm gonna fly out like to a regular earthling this guy would seem like a nutjob but she thinks he's cute so she drops everything for him like an einstein-rosen bridge more like a rainbow fish Oh crazy baby he's clearly crazy I don't know why you think otherwise I love how jeremy renner is introduced in this movie with a little cameo and he literally doesn't do anything like he climbs up on his little perch he draws his bow and then that's it that's all he does and I know people bust the nut over Loki but in this movie he's kind of unintentionally hilarious I don't know I know this is super personal but I just think he's so goofy in this movie like when he throws himself into the black hole at the end of the movie I seriously crack up now I could nitpick and complain about this movie all day but I think you guys get the idea I just don't like this movie it's not as bad as Thor 2 but it still isn't very good 4 out of 10 um up next is Captain America the first guy now I thought I liked this movie I really did I thought that I liked it back when it came out I remember for some reason I enjoyed it I think I was on [ __ ] drugs because this movie is really bad it's not horrible it's really not the worst movie in the bunch but it's got some really dumb [ __ ] in it the thing is it has some really awesome elements in the first half but once Captain America rescues Bucky in the halfway point of the movie it just kind of goes crazy from there and I know I've said most of these movies end up going crazy in the third act but this time I really mean it this movie goes [ __ ] nuts now the stuff I like about this movie is that the first half is basically a character study on Steve Rogers you follow him on this super intimate personal journey you see his ambition and his frustration is that really good scene where he jumps on the dummy grenade because he thinks it's real like it seriously is natural instinct to just die for everybody else that's beautiful I love the scenes where you see him gumming it up as a mascot for war bonds how he gets frustrated at the fact that he can't actually help and make a real difference his romance with Peggy is kind of cute because you can tell that he doesn't really know how to talk to girls because he doesn't realize how hot he is now I'm telling you the first act of this movie is so good I really wish the entire movie was like that if you ask me Captain America is the most interesting person in the whole series he's the only character whose personality never changes because his personality is already perfect that could be the subject of a really interesting movie but all these movies are just action movies they're like spy films or dumb big explosion movies they never really work on focusing on his character and that's really disappointing to me this movie really has a serious case of the ERJ B's this movie is seriously bogged down by the red skull [ __ ] it goes from being an introspective heartfelt story to an over-the-top dumb explosion movie it's like they thought it would be too boring if it was just about Steve Rogers learning how to find his place in the world I mean I would have liked that this movie also has the same problem as Thor 1 which are the dumbass pointless side characters I can't be bothered to care about these stupid pointless wait a minute what was I saying anyway this movie does lead to cap getting left in the modern world which is still a really cool ending plus even though this movie sucks for like 50% of the runtime it still has my favorite ending of the entire Marvel Cinematic Universe period the last line gives me chills it is that good right before Steve crashes he finally sets up plans to take Peggy out on a date it's really moving because we spent a good amount of time establishing these two as a couple even though we know they aren't gonna get together a week next Saturday at the Stork Club then when cap wakes up in the future he goes a little crazy and this is how the movie ends you gonna be okay yeah it cuts to black tell me that isn't powerful that's the best ending ever and this is the most annoying thing about this movie it has so many good things in it but they are hiding they're hiding under dumb [ __ ] 5 out of 10 wasted potential what do I have to watch now what it's Avengers oh okay now if you ask me this is when these movies got good I remember when this movie came out and everybody and their mom saw it it started a revolution it changed superhero movies I think this is probably the most significant superhero movie of all time you want to know why Avengers 1 is so good it's good because it is not very good this movie is corny as hell I remember when I was in the theater on opening day I seriously thought the first five minutes were horrible and I still do the beginning of this movie is strangely terrible actually remember my face when the title card came up I was looking at my friends I was like guys I think this movie I think this movie might be bad this movie is schlock it's corny it's stupid and it's somehow really awesome look at these boring shots in color grading everything is lit like a bad TV show the writing in some of these scenes is like abysmal we need a plan an attack I have a plan attack mm-hmm by all accounts this movie should be bad but somehow it isn't because this movie has the opposite problem of the other movies have this movie kind of stumbles in its first few steps but then it picks up the pace pretty quickly once the scene at the fancy party happens this movie is way more fun and creative I like that little scene where that old German guy doesn't kneel the Loki that didn't have to be in the movie but it's cute I like it I like the writing is lame a lot of the time but it's really reminiscent of a comic book corny lines and everything I think a majority of the writing is actually pretty decent somehow it's like my third or fourth time watching this movie and there are still lines that get a chuckle out of me he's not that thing though guys like a Stephen Hawking the main actors are also doing a fantastic job it should be illegal for this many a-list actors to have such good chemistry with each other I love how Bruce Banner is just nervously walking around the whole movie like he's afraid he's gonna bump into something and accidentally explode these characters are what make this movie not shitty without them you have a pretty average action movie but these characters elevate it into the most fun superhero movie ever now I've always been of the opinion that the fight choreography and Marvel movies is actually pretty bad it's usually lacking like really lacking y'all know I don't like the DC movies but at least the action scenes are well choreographed and well shot my main thing is that you can really feel the impact behind their attacks in those movies you really feel like they not been the [ __ ] out in these movies the camera is moving so fast and the attacks barely connect you can see here this guy gets incapacitated with the flowery scent of Scarlett Johansson's hair but this movie also introduces something that the DC movies don't have combo attacks and team ups where these movies lack in individual fight scenes they shine when the characters are either fighting each other or fighting with each other this movie introduces that and these team-up fights are always among the best parts of these movies even the movies I don't like have some really fun scenes because of this as a result I will take [ __ ] like this over this any day and that's why this movie works these characters are cohesive they work together we like them because they're fun to watch well there's a bad joke or the story doesn't make any sense people don't give a [ __ ] because it's just fun watching these people do things a vendor's works because of [ __ ] like this I was gonna make this video complaining about these movies at the end of the day when it comes down to it when they're bad there's still a lot of fun just like comic books a that it's an fun as hell so that's it for phase one I think about 25% of that experience was actually good and this video is getting kind of long and I drank a little bit I drink a lot of stuff so I think I'm gonna take a quick nap I set an alarm so don't let me sleep for more than an hour okay guys wake me up in an hour and I'll finish I'll finish the video I'll talk about Civil War if you want don't you night-night [Music]

Channel: The Cosmonaut Variety Hour

Views: 5,449,927

Keywords: cosmonaut variety hour, commentary, marvel cinematic universe, MCU, marvel, iron man, thor, hulk, avengers, review, the ultimate review

Id: EBdMcszVMcg

Length: 27min 7sec (1627 seconds)

Published: Sun May 13 2018