Stupid Watergate: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)

tonight we're going to do something a little bit different because for one week and one week only the show last week tonight is actually going to talk at some length about the last week tonight and the reason we unfortunately have to do that is the last seven days have been absolutely insane so much so that by Friday night it may have broken Anderson Cooper I tell you why because Jeffrey Lord CNN contributor and diehard Trump supporter was in the middle of defending yet another indefensible statement from Trump when Cooper finally snapped he's the president the United States if he wants to say that Barack Obama wants to say whatever if George Bush says I looked in his eyes on if he dares are you open yes yes that is a professional journalist save of the president if he took a dump on his desk you were defended and more importantly Jeffrey Lords he's not immediately awesome no and look on a different night I could probably devote time to why CNN would put themselves in the position of having a professional dump defender constantly on their network but there is not going to be time because tonight we have to track the latest development in what we've been calling stupid Watergate a scandal with all the potential ramifications of Watergate but where everyone involved is stupid and bad at everything and given the exhausting pace of this week's event tonight we are simply going to try and answer a few basic questions what the is going on how big a deal is this where do we go from here and is this real life so let's begin with question one what the is going on and the answer to that is quite a lot because can can you even remember how this week began because it was actually a big story on Monday that you may have forgotten by now top secret bombshell the forks president Trump reveals highly classified intelligence to the Russians in the Oval Office sources tell The Washington Post the president was boasting to Russia's foreign minister and ambassador when he divulged the intelligence during an oval office meeting last week that's right President Trump may have inadvertently revealed codeword information one of the highest levels of classification to Russian officials and that is the kind of information you shouldn't even share with your closest friends which of course in Trump's case would be the golf caddie he called Steve even though his name is Doug a bucket of KFC chicken and the ghost of Roger Ailes and back then back then in the more innocent time of Monday it felt like they simply could not be a bigger story than that this is the most serious charge ever made against a sitting president let's not minimize it call me is in the wastebasket of history everything else is off the table this is the most serious charge ever made against a sitting president of the United States yeah it turns out Alan Dershowitz was extremely wrong about that and I would say it's hard to imagine him being more wrong about anything but fortunately we have photographic proof but the point is the point is that that Russian news was buried the very next day by this ABC news confirming that shortly after an oval office visit in February former FBI director James Comey wrote a memo saying that during that meeting President Trump asked him to shut down his investigation International Security Advisor Michael Flynn and that was a huge deal because let me give you a quick reminder about why the FBI was investigating Flynn a man whose overall demeanor says I only on top of the sheets so I don't ruin the hospital corners Michael footed was fired after the most he discussed US sanctions against Russia with Russian officials during the transition despite denying that to the press to the FBI and to Vice President Mike Pence Flynn was so floors cleaned Trump was repeatedly warned about his baggage by both then acting AG Sally Yates and President Obama and even as reported this week general Flynn himself but from kept standing by him anyway which kind of makes sense in a way because literally every decision in the Trump administration is the worst possible one paper or plastic whichever one kills the most birds soup or salad I'm going to go with the n-word favorite people it's got to be Yoko anyway anyway let's get back to this week because always day just four days ago which is the equivalent of 150 years in 2017 times Donald Trump gave the commencement address at the Coast Guard Academy and that should have been easy simply lift the cadet spirits and point them towards the future but Trump inevitably use the speech to well I'm fairly short long and Tony forget the word certainty and also generally whine about how many people were being to him no politician in history and I say this with great cheering them has been treated worse or more unfairly wait no politician has been treated worse Abraham Lincoln was shot by an actor William McKinley was shot by an anarchist JFK was of course murdered by Ted Cruz's father James Garfield was shot then to find the bullet and this is true Alexander Graham Bell devised the kind of metal detector which didn't work so doctors try to fish around in his guts for the bullet with unwashed fingers which just made his infection worse so he died in horrible pain but yeah Alec Baldwin sometimes doesn't mean impression of you on TV so yeah basically the same isn't it later that family day the same day the Justice Department appointed a special counsel former FBI head Robert Muller to conduct an independent investigation into the Trump campaigns connections to Russia which is also a massive development that was closely followed by Thursday's news concerning James Comey specifically his friends account of the lengths to which Comey went at this post inauguration meeting to try and avoid a personal encounter with the president he's wearing if you watch the video of it he's wearing a blue blazer and he stands in the part of the room that is as far from Trump as it was physical possibly and also against blue drapes that are the same color as his I chose that but he chose that spot because it was you know like almost like a chameleon camouflage there's a wall come on Comey it just six foot eight you don't hide by blending into a curtain you wear a brown suit you post a few leaves to your hand and head in your home to be mistaken for a tree that's what you do now luckily we've somehow escaped Thursday alive and on Friday the president took off for a nine-day overseas trip but the wheels of Air Force One had barely left the ground when this happened the New York Times now reporting that according to a White House document President Trump in the Oval Office told Russian officials ten days ago that James Comey the FBI director was a quote nutjob now yes that sounds rough but in Trump's defense I can't kind of see what he's coming from the guy keeps hiding in my drapes who does that he's huge I can see him dressed like a tree you've got to know that and isn't exact same document which the White House did not deny gave the even more concerning detail that Trump had told his Russian guests I just fired the head of the FBI I faced great pressure because of Russia that's taken off and it's almost difficult to believe your ears when you hear something that sounds so audaciously corrupt it's like if Hillary Clinton had sent an email with the subject line sub I did Benghazi so wait wait because the we still wasn't quite yet done because almost at the exact same time that the nut job news emerged there was one last startling revelation The Washington Post began reporting that the FBI investigation into possible coordination between Russia and the Trump campaign has identified a current White House official as a significant person of interest and that is also potentially enormous now some have suggested that that could be Jared Kushner but it seems unlikely because while he is technically significant and legally a person he in no way qualified as of interest he is the least interesting human on earth here's the person equivalent of an empty room painted eggshell he's like a white bread sandwich where the middle is just a third slice of white bread or as Mike Pence referred to that the devil's hoagie so so that is the shortest possible summation of the events of this week which brings us to our second question how big a deal is this because it feels like a pretty big deal think about it going into this week they were already multiple investigations into Russia's efforts to swing the election and any possible ties to the Trump campaign but there are now also strong allegations that Trump attempted in some form to influence the investigations and we now have a special counsel looking into all of this you would almost have to be trying really hard not to see this as a big deal and nobody tried harder than some commentators on Fox News this is insane where is the evidence of a crime people are now buying some of this lunacy hysteria every single day we've reached a point of madness there unhinge this is a scandal with no video with no audio with no sex with no money with no dead bodies it's a boring scandal having just ridiculous there may be Americans hidden in plain view working on behalf of Russia is not boring it's literally a emmy-nominated TV show my favorite attempt to call water on this story came from Tucker Carlson the villain from a director video Caddyshack sequel who somehow became a real boy chucks try to Jedi Mind Tricks a scandal out of existence the world is a very complicated place Washington especially what you think is happening often really isn't happening Wow what you think is happening isn't happening he's talking to his viewers like a parent whose kids just walked in on them sixty-nining this isn't what you think this isn't what you're looking at your mother and I were just listening to see if there's an echo when you scream into a but nothing is happening here you're not seeing anything here without fascinatingly as the week went on even some on Fox were struggling to hold the line because remember mister this is a boring scandal this was him just two days later I've been the first one to say you know there's a lot of smoke but I don't see any fire but now I'm getting a little concerned even I myself I've got to the point where I'm like what is going on here with this situation I'm a little worried about it that cannot be a good science a Hobbes host not being able to hold his doubt survey for 48 hours it's pretty much a canary in a coal mine but then at this point Donald Trump is basically waist-deep in dead Canaries and you can tell how serious this is becoming by the fact that when the new started breaking this week members of trumps own party was suddenly hard to find we reached out to 20 Republican senators and representatives to appear on this broadcast we also reported and requested that someone from the White House join us at any point during our two-hour broadcast to respond to the latest news all declined our invitation just trying to think about how crazy that is 20 invites 20 refusals that's worth attendance than a wrap party for the cast of the jinx oh I don't know Bob where do you think everyone is new massive creep now now some Republicans did comment on Trump this week but not perhaps in the way that the White House would have ideally wanted for example John McCain had this to say I think it's reaching the point where it's of Watergate size and scale and a couple of other scandals that you and I have seen it's a centipede that the shoe continues to drop yeah it's like a centipede that keeps dropping the shoes but it's real and people wear shoes so the Trump administration is really more like a human centipede in terms of the amount of ship passing through it and how nauseating watching it really is and while McCain was willing to cite Watergate other Republicans were willing to go even further Michigan's Justin Amash today became the first Republican to say the president's actions might merit impeachment and there we have it a member of trans own party has raised the specter of impeachment just four months into the president's first term that is almost impressive in a way and against worse because when Mother Jones ran an article citing her Marsh as the first Republican to mention impeachment a spokeswoman for another Republican representative Carlos Cabello of Florida reached out to say he was actually the first Republican who rented it although although to be fair we to be completely fair here the very first person to think Oh God he should not be President is probably some unnamed nurse in Queens in the year 1946 you know I've been doing this a long time but this baby is the worst one I've ever seen this is a terrible baby and respect of his Pietschmann is something that some in the White House are reportedly taking seriously and after days of it Cindy Airy headlines cNN has learned that White House lawyers are researching what a possible trump impeachment might look like that's actually a pretty good question what would a Trump impeachment look like coming ironically I imagine at least part of it would involve thousands of Muslims celebrating in New Jersey Oh screw Karen see of a pretty big deal which brings us to question number three where do we go from here and if you are hoping for impeachment or a resignation it is worth taking a quick peek at the presidential line of succession because Trump Joey would be fantastic but remember that would give us president Mike pace and let me write you how our perspective next president sees himself I'm a Christian a conservative and a Republican in that order I'm a Christian a conservative and a Republican in that order I'm a Christian a conservative and a Republican in that order honestly I would have loved if he just kept going often after those three I'm a Gemini I'm a furry and I'm gluten intolerant in that order that's what I am those six things don't get it wrong Mike Pence is a hard-line conservative in Congress he led efforts to defund Planned Parenthood he opposed the lilly Ledbetter Act and the ending of Don't Ask Don't Tell and championed a constitutional amendment defining marriage is between a man and a woman and as governor of Indiana his most eye-catching accomplishment was the passage of the Religious Freedom Restoration Act which could have made it easier for religious conservatives are a few service to gay couples and making matters worse when he was asked multiple times whether that's what it did he kept dodging the question ending in this exchange do you think it should be legal in the state of Indiana to discriminate against gays or lesbians George with a yes or no closure come on losers don't believe in discrimination yeah well I don't believe in losses what the is illusion that don't come from anyway it sounds like the sound Al Pachino makes when he sneezes oh yeah for sure nice job by the way if you're telling yourself well maybe Trump's impeachment could take pence down as well well think about what that would mean because then we'd have president Paul Ryan three words that I always knew I'd have to say but I didn't really expect to have to say it quite so soon sort of like remember polar bears or female entourage reboot the boys are back and this time they're girls and you know if you really want to spin this fantasy out let's say that Ryan is also somehow sitting on his own impeachable do you know who is next in line to the presidency you might not I'm not sure that you do do you it's actually mr. Kelsey Grammer I think you're probably assuming correctly that that is wrong but what is the real right answer there I can actually tell you because we would we would genuinely have president Orrin Hatch at that point yes he would be he would be present a man whose every expression says I take fiber supplements and frankly they're not working look catch if you'd only separate kind of nightmare but before we get lost any further down this paranoid wormhole let's just all take a collective breath because in reality even though some people have been getting excited this week impeachment is a longshot for many reasons not the least of which is it would require a majority of the house to vote to impeach and that is currently controlled by Republicans and then it would then need two-thirds of the Senate to vote to convict the president and it is also controlled by Republicans right now so the likelihood is that Trump will survive this and continue as president which shouldn't really be a surprise to anyone why would this be the end of the line for him Trump has seemed to reach the end of the line on multiple occasions only for nothing to happen remember when he hesitated to dinner to disavow David Duke wasn't that supposed to be the end of the line all the time he bullied a gold star family that had to be the end of the line right or the Access Hollywood tape we all thought the next stop on that bus was you guessed it the end of the life but it seems like when it comes to President Trump he's always approaching the end of the line but it never seems to come as if for him and him alone the end of the line is drawn by MC Escher and and I know I know following stupid watergate's every development can be all-consuming it feels like nothing else has happened over the last couple of weeks but that is a dangerous thing to believe because it has things have happened this administration has made significant moves that have escaped too many people's attention Jeff Sessions move to lengthen drug sentences undoing Obama era criminal justice reforms just tonight it came out that Trump is going to propose slashing Medicaid and other safety net benefits and tomorrow in court the administration may decide to end key Obama care subsidies which if that happens could immediately unravel the Obamacare insurance markets so that in 1946 nurse was absolutely right he was the worst baby and you know he's still the worst baby now and as if all of this wasn't bad enough which it comfortably is we are we are getting some heartbreaking glimpses into how this president operates for instance just this week again we learnt that this is how his own national security team feels they have to brief him on important global issues he like single page memos and visual aids like maps charts graphs and photos national security officials have strategically included Trump's name in quotes as many paragraphs as we can because he keeps reading if he is mentioned Wow that is absolutely pathetic our president can only understand the world to the extent that it involves himself meaning anything tiny possible that his security briefing reads the leader of North Trump King John Trump is making an intercontinental ballistic Trump this could seriously jeopardize not just the region but also the safety of millions of oh god we're losing you aren't we Trump Trump Trump welcome back sir this can all seem like a terrible work of fiction which actually brings us to our final question is this real life to which the answer is unfortunately yes and if you are feeling miserable about the situation that we're in right now the only consolation I may be able to offer you is I'm not sure that Trump is entirely happy either because yes you've seen him enjoy the rallies and the attention and the fact that he can save the president but I think the most telling photo taken of him so far is this one that was taken on his inauguration day and a luncheon thrown in his honor look at his face he looks like he's at the funeral for every dog and if you think I'm projecting this onto him just just listen to an interview that Trump himself gave around the hundred day mark of his presidency and tell me if this is a guy who sounds like he's happy with this situation I love my previous lab I actually this is more work than in my previous life I thought it would be easier I do miss my own wife this I like to work so that's not a problem but this is actually more work yes of course being president it's harder than your whole job of course it is your old job was basically having a name letting other people pay you to use that name and firing Dee Snider it was easy although I will say this I now actually have something in common with Donald Trump because I too prefers my previous life before he became president truly she did Watergate because no matter what we are in for an agonizingly long period of leaks allegations and recriminations all over a presidential campaign to put a man in power who may not entirely want to be there say what you want about Nixon at least he wanted the job look I don't know about you but this week has drained me at the end of last year we told you to write down this is not normal to guard yourself against getting complacent I don't think there is much danger of that happening in the foreseeable future but it is also worth remembering that sentiment just to reassure yourself but you're not going crazy and if you are tempted to believe any of what people are saying that this is all politics and every president goes through a week like the one that we just had early in our administration let me show you one of the things that people were attacking the last person for at roughly the same point in his first term as you all know President Obama is a real man of the people take a look at him ordering his burger with a very special condiment like a spicy mustard on my hair and I hope you enjoyed that antsy burger mr. president they were really mad about that that was on actual television and I would honestly give anything to once again live in a time where the scandal rocking the executive branch was a fox news host implying that the president likes metrosexual mustard and lazy fingers crossed one day we could all get there again

Channel: LastWeekTonight

Views: 17,702,791

Keywords: last week tonight stupid watergate, john oliver stupid watergate, john oliver donald trump, john oliver russia investigation

Id: FVFdsl29s_Q

Length: 24min 6sec (1446 seconds)

Published: Sun May 21 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/Dr_Smoothrod_PhD]

What the fuck is going on?

[u/thenamesalreadytaken]

this isn't what you think, this isn't what you're looking at, your mother and I were just listening to see if there's an echo when you scream into a butt

ELI5 in the literal sense

[u/Lord_Grundlebeard]

Trump's impeachment could, ironically, cause a celebration of thousands of Muslims in New Jersey.

Fucking savage.

[u/Colossal89]

Trump and the GOP are planning to cut 800 BILLION DOLLARS from Medicaid. Yes that's 800 BILLION DOLLARS.

[u/o511]

"If he took a dump on his desk, you would defend it." will go down in history as an apt description of what brought Trump to power - Partisanship above all else. No rule of law. No common ground. No integrity. Only ego-driven, completely manufactured partisanship.

[u/kingguy459]

Even if you did take Trump down, you get 3 horrible choices for President replacement. Lol. Good luck America indeed

[u/[deleted]]

He didn't mention how the US did not attack a key ISIS stronghold in Syria because Turkey, Flynn's employer, wanted them to delay the attack.

Edit: employer, not employee

The attack was supposed to happen in Raqqa with the help of Kurdish forces (The Turkish government has committed genocide against Kurds and Armenians alike, as we saw Erdogan's bodyguards attack Kurdish protesters last week while Erdogan was visiting Trump and the Turkish ambassador to the US). Flynn, who received 500k from Turkey, withdrew the attack 10 days before trump took office.

Shit is going down y'all! Get your popcorn ready!!

[u/son_of_noah]

Scandal fatigue is definitely setting in for me.

[u/Tijenater]

It seems Saturday night live was right. Nothing matters. Feels weird watching all of this insane shit going down knowing I'm watching the beginning of the downfall of the (hopefully) most corrupt, cartoonishly evil and incompetent presidency in history.

Comey's testimony can't happen soon enough.