[ROCK MUSIC] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> John: WELCOME WELCOME, WELCOME TO "LAST WEEK TONIGHT." I'M JOHN OLIVER. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR JOINING US. AND LET'S BEGIN WITH OUR FIRST AND ONLY STORY: THE 2016 ELECTION OR, AS YOU MAY KNOW IT, "I THOUGHT I WANTED IT TO BE OVER BUT NOW THAT IT'S OVER I WISH IT WAS STILL GOING ON BECAUSE IT TURNS OUT THE ENDING IS EVEN WORSE..." 20-FUCKING-16. THE RESULTS ON TUESDAY WERE A LITTLE DIFFERENT THAN WHAT JUST OVER HALF THE VOTERS WANTED. >> WE CAN NOW PROJECT THE WINNER OF THE PRESIDENTIAL RACE. CNN PROJECTS DONALD TRUMP WINS THE PRESIDENCY. DONALD J. TRUMP WILL BECOME THE 45TH PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES. >> John: IT'S TRUE! THAT HAPPENED! IT TURNS OUT, INSTEAD OF SHOWING OUR DAUGHTERS THEY COULD SOMEDAY BE PRESIDENT, AMERICA PROVED THAT NO GRANDPA IS TOO RACIST TO BECOME THE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD. "LOOK PAPA. SOMEDAY THAT COULD BE YOU!" IF YOU'RE LIKE ME, THE IMPLICATIONS OF THIS HAVE BEEN HITTING YOU IN WAVES. ONE MINUTE YOU'RE NUMB AND THE NEXT MINUTE YOU REALIZE DONALD TRUMP -- THIS MAN -- WILL SOON HAVE ACCESS TO THE NUCLEAR CODES. AND THEN MAYBE YOU GET DISTRACTED BY DAILY LIFE UNTIL IT HITS YOU. OUR FUTURE PRESIDENT WAS SUPPORTED BY A FORMER GRAND WIZARD OF THE KLAN, AND 60 MILLION PEOPLE VOTED FOR HIM DESPITE THAT AND THEN MAYBE YOU FINALLY MANAGE TO GET SOME SLEEP. BUT WAKE UP REALIZING, "OH, SHIT. THE SUPREME COURT!" BECAUSE REMEMBER MERRICK GARLAND? WHO THE REPUBLICANS HAVE REFUSED TO CONFIRM ALL YEAR? THE GUY WHOM WE ASKED YOU TO CHOOSE A SUPREME COURT DOG? YOU PICKED THIS ONE, BY THE WAY. WE NEVER ANNOUNCED IT, BECAUSE WE FIGURED WE'D TELL YOU WHEN HE WAS CONFIRMED. WELL, HE'S NOT GETTING CONFIRMED, AND THAT DOG IS DEAD NOW. ACTUALLY NOT REALLY. SHE'S ACTUALLY FINE. BUT SHE'S NOT GETTING ON THE COURT. >> DONALD TRUMP WILL FILL THAT SEAT AND MAYBE MORE. RUTH BADER GINSBURG IS IN HER 80s. ANTHONY KENNEDY IS OVER 80. AND THERE ARE OTHER JUSTICES WHO HAVE TALKED, BANDIED ABOUT THE IDEA OF RETIRING. BOTTOM LINE, DONALD TRUMP IS GOING TO SHAPE THE SUPREME COURT FOR DECADES TO COME. >> John: WOW. THAT IS ONE OF THOSE PHRASES YOU JUST ASSUMED YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE TO HEAR. LIKE "VANILLA ICE IS PICKING UP HIS NOBEL PRIZE IN PHYSICS" OR "HENRY KISSINGER JUST CAME OUT WITH A LINE OF SKINNY JEANS. THEY GO WITH ANYTHING." IT'S BEEN WAVE AFTER WAVE OF NAUSEA ALL WEEK. I WOKE UP ON THURSDAY FEELING SLIGHTLY BETTER BUT THEN TURNED ON THE TV AND SAW TRUMP IN THE OVAL OFFICE WITH PRESIDENT OBAMA. JUST LOOK AT PRESIDENT OBAMA'S FACE. HE CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT HE'S LOOKING AT EITHER. JUST LISTEN TO THE ACTUAL AUDIO IN THE ROOM. ♪ ♪ FUN FACT: THAT'S THE NEW NATIONAL ANTHEM. SEE? WE'RE LAUGHING! WE'RE HAVING FUN! AND THEN YOU REMEMBER: TRUMP'S GOING TO BE IN CHARGE OF THE MILITARY AND LEADERS THERE DO NOT KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. >> THEY HAVE SEEN DONALD TRUMP'S STATEMENTS ON THE CAMPAIGN TRAIL, TALKING ABOUT WATERBOARDING, TALKING ABOUT BOMBING WITH LITTLE REGARD TO CIVILIAN CASUALTIES, TALKING ABOUT TAKING THE OIL IN IRAQ. ALL OF THESE THINGS POTENTIALLY VERY SERIOUS VIOLATIONS OF INTERNATIONAL LAW, VIOLATIONS OF THE GENEVA CONVENTION. >> John: YES. OUR PRESIDENT-ELECT HAS, AT VARIOUS TIMES, SAID HE'D BOMB CIVILIANS, LOOT OIL, AND WATERBOARD, WHICH ISN'T A MILITARY STRATEGY SO MUCH AS THE SERIES OF WORDS DONALD RUMSFELD MUTTERS SO HE CAN STAY HARD WHILE HE'S MASTURBATING. AND LOOK. TRUMP WON THIS ELECTION, BY WHICH I MEAN HE WON THE ELECTORAL COLLEGE, WHICH, FOR REASONS I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES IT'S EXPLAINED TO ME, IS HOW THINGS ARE DONE. AND MANY PEOPLE ARE HAPPY TO SEE HIM IN OFFICE. SOME ARE VOTERS WHO THINK HE'LL BRING JOBS BACK AND SHAKE UP WASHINGTON. OTHERS ARE HAPPY SIMPLY BECAUSE HE ISN'T HILLARY CLINTON. AND OTHERS, OF COURSE, ARE VLADIMIR PUTIN AND SCOTT BAIO. BUT FOR THE REST OF US, WE ARE FACED WITH THE SAME QUESTIONS AS A GUY THAT WOKE UP THE DAY AFTER A VEGAS BACHELOR PARTY DEEP IN THE DESERT, NAKED, TIED TO A CACTUS AND A DEAD CLOWN, NAMELY "HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET HERE?" AND "WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO NOW?" BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP WILL BE PRESIDENT. AND RESPECTING DEMOCRACY MEANS ACCEPTING THAT. ALTHOUGH THERE'S ONE SENTIMENT THAT I'D ARGUE TAKES THAT A LITTLE TOO FAR. >> THE MAN HASN'T EVEN BEEN A PRESIDENT FOR A DAY YET. LET'S GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO BE THE PRESIDENT. >> GIVE DONALD TRUMP A CHANCE. >> WE NOW HAVE TO GIVE HIM A CHANCE AND SEE HOW HE'LL GOVERN. >> THE AMERICAN PEOPLE SHOULD GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO GOVERN BECAUSE IF HE SUCCEEDS, WE SUCCEED. >> John: NOW, IN THE BROADEST SENSE, I GET THAT IMPULSE. HOPE FOR THE BEST IN THE FACE OF VERY LONG ODDS. IT'S LIKE WE'RE ON A PLANE AND WE JUST FOUND OUT OUR PILOT IS A WOMBAT. I DON'T LIKE THIS, I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW IT HAPPENED, AND I'M PRETTY SURE WE'RE HEADED FOR DISASTER, BUT WHAT THE HELL. COME ON, BATTY! PROVE ME WRONG! AND OPTIMISM IS NICE IF YOU CAN SWING IT. BUT YOU'VE GOT TO BE CAREFUL BECAUSE IT CAN FEED INTO THE NORMALIZATION OF DONALD TRUMP. AND HE IS NOT NORMAL. HE IS ABNORMAL. HE IS A HUMAN "WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?" HE STICKS OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB AND FRANKLY HE EVEN LOOKS LIKE A SORE THUMB. SO GIVING HIM A CHANCE IN THE SENSE OF NOT SPEAKING OUT IMMEDIATELY AGAINST POLICIES HE'S PROPOSED IS DANGEROUS. BECAUSE SOME OF THEM ARE ALARMING. >> JUST SOME OF TRUMP'S PROMISES: REPEAL AND REPLACE OBAMACARE, BUILD A WALL ALONG THE SOUTHERN BORDER WITH MEXICO AND GET MEXICO TO PAY FOR SAID WALL, DEPORT ALL 11 TO 12 MILLION UNDOCUMENTED IMMIGRANTS IN THIS COUNTRY, INCLUDING CHILDREN, APPOINT A SPECIAL PROSECUTOR TO INVESTIGATE AND POTENTIALLY JAIL HILLARY CLINTON, TEMPORARILY BAN MUSLIMS AND IMMIGRANTS FROM TERROR-PRONE NATIONS FROM COMING INTO THE UNITED STATES. >> John: OKAY, STOP. BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE READING THE TO-DO LIST ON SATAN'S REFRIGERATOR, WHICH, OF COURSE, SATAN NO LONGER NEEDS NOW THAT HELL HAS FROZEN OVER. AND WHILE SOME ARE ARGUING TRUMP MIGHT NOT HAVE MEANT ALL THOSE THINGS, THAT LEAVES US WITH TWO DEVASTATING OPTIONS: EITHER WE JUST ELECTED A PRESIDENT WHO DIDN'T MEAN A SINGLE WORD HE SAID OR WE ELECTED ONE WHO DID. AND IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO KNOW WHICH ONE. EARLIER TONIGHT, HE DID HIS FIRST MAJOR POST-ELECTION INTERVIEW AND WAS ASKED ABOUT OBAMACARE WHICH, REMEMBER, HE HAD LABELED A DISASTER. >> WHEN YOU REPLACE IT, ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE WITH PRE-CONDITIONS ARE STILL COVERED? >> YES. BECAUSE IT HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE STRONGEST ASSETS. >> YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP IT? >> ALSO WITH THE CHILDREN LIVING WITH THEIR PARENTS FOR AN EXTENDED PERIOD, WE'RE GOING TO... >> YOU'RE GOING TO KEEP THAT? >> VERY MUCH TRY AND KEEP THAT. >> John: OKAY. GET READY FOR A BARELY CHANGED VERSION OF OBAMACARE CALLED "TRUMPCARE," WHICH SOUNDS LIKE A HEALTH CARE PLAN WHERE DOCTORS FEEL YOUR BREASTS FOR LUMPS WHETHER YOU ASKED THEM TO OR NOT. BUT DON'T GET COMPLACENT THAT HE'S GOING TO KEEP THOSE ASPECTS OF OBAMACARE. HE MIGHT CHANGE HIS MIND ON THAT AGAIN. TRUMP IS LIKE A MAGIC 8 BALL. EVERY TIME YOU SHAKE HIM HE GIVES YOU A DIFFERENT ANSWER AND SOMETIMES THE ANSWER IS JUST "BIG LEAGUE" OR "THAT'S SOME BODY ON MY DAUGHTER, RIGHT?" SO WE HAVE TO TAKE ALL OF TRUMP'S PROMISES SERIOUSLY. AND THE TRUTH IS, THEY WERE NOT UNIVERSALLY BAD. FOR INSTANCE, HE RAN ON A PROMISE TO "DRAIN THE SWAMP," CRACKING DOWN ON CORRUPTION AND ENDING THE REIGN OF WASHINGTON INSIDERS, WHICH SOUNDS GREAT. SO LET'S TRY AND BE POSITIVE. WHAT ARE THE EARLY SIGNS ON THAT? >> SOME OF THE POTENTIAL CABINET MEMBERS BEING REPORTED BY CNN THAT ARE UNDER CONSIDERATION. RUDY GIULIANI, NEWT GINGRICH, CHRIS CHRISTIE, REINCE PRIEBUS. >> John: RIGHT. SO THAT'S THE LONG-TIME HEAD OF THE RNC, A FORMER SPEAKER WHO ENTERED CONGRESS IN 1979, A FORMER MAYOR TURNED PROFESSIONAL ASSHOLE, AND A MAN WHOSE NAME IS MORE SYNONYMOUS WITH SCANDAL THAN SHONDA FUCKING RHIMES. THAT'S SO SWAMPY, YOU'RE GONNA NEED TO SWAP OUT AIR FORCE ONE FOR ONE OF THOSE SHALLOW-BOTTOM BOATS WITH A BIG FAN ON THE BACK. AND IT ACTUALLY MAKES SENSE FOR TRUMP TO APPOINT PEOPLE WITH SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCE IN GOVERNMENT. UNTIL A FEW DAYS AGO, THE HIGHEST OFFICE HE'D EVER HELD WAS ON THE 26TH FLOOR OF A SHITTY BUILDING ON FIFTH AVENUE. BUT SOME OF THE PEOPLE HE'S BRINGING IN ARE HORRIFYING. HIS TRANSITION TEAM INCLUDES PEOPLE LIKE KEN BLACKWELL, WHO'S ARGUED THAT HOMOSEXUALITY IS A CHOICE, AND HE'S NAMED MYRON EBELL TO LEAD HIS EPA TRANSITION TEAM, MAKING HIM A FRONTRUNNER FOR ADMINISTRATOR, DESPITE THIS... >> THE WHOLE CASE FOR GLOBAL WARMING I BELIEVE IS SILLY, AND I BELIEVE THE VAST MAJORITY OF SCIENTISTS THINK IT'S SILLY, AND THEREFORE I'M A LITTLE BIT EMBARRASSED THAT I WASTE MY TIME ON A SILLY ISSUE. >> John: OKAY, FIRST OF ALL, THE VAST MAJORITY OF SCIENTISTS BELIEVE HUMANS ARE CONTRIBUTING TO CLIMATE CHANGE. SECONDLY, THIS MAN DOES NOT HAVE A SCIENCE DEGREE. HE WOULDN'T EVEN BE QUALIFIED TO HEAD THE AGENCY OF BAKING SODA VOLCANOES. SO HOW THE FUCK DID WE GET HERE? WELL, CLEARLY, THERE ARE MANY POSSIBLE ANSWERS TO THAT QUESTION, INCLUDING MISLEADING FORECASTS THAT BRED COMPLACENCY, A FLAWED CANDIDATE WHO FAILED TO APPEAL TO WHITE RURAL AND WORKING-CLASS VOTERS, AND -- AND THIS IS WORTH REPEATING -- DEEP RACISM AND/OR INDIFFERENCE TO IT. AND FOR THOSE, INCLUDING US, WHO WERE SHOCKED BY TUESDAY, WE'RE GOING TO BE EXAMINING ALL OF THIS FOR YEARS. BUT FOR TONIGHT, LET'S LOOK AT ONE NARROW ELEMENT THAT MAY HAVE HELPED BRING US HERE, BECAUSE IT WILL BE IMPORTANT GOING FORWARD: THAT IS OUR MEDIA. SPECIFICALLY, HOW A SYSTEM THAT'S SUPPOSED TO CATCH A SERIAL LIAR FAILED. AND I'M NOT JUST REFERRING TO MAINSTREAM TV NEWS, ALTHOUGH SOME DID WAIT FAR TOO LONG TO TAKE TRUMP SERIOUSLY, GIVING HIM BILLIONS OF DOLLARS' WORTH OF FREE MEDIA. CNN SOMETIMES RAN HIS SPEECHES ALMOST IN THEIR ENTIRETY, AND THEIR PRESIDENT JEFF ZUCKER NOW ADMITS THAT MIGHT NOT HAVE BEEN A GOOD IDEA. >> I'D SAY THAT IF WE MADE A MISTAKE LAST YEAR, IT'S THAT WE PROBABLY DID PUT ON TOO MANY OF HIS CAMPAIGN RALLIES IN THOSE EARLY MONTHS, UNEDITED AND JUST LET THEM RUN. AND I THINK, IN HINDSIGHT, WE PROBABLY SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE THAT AS MUCH. >> John: YEAH. IT TURNS OUT HINDSIGHT, MUCH LIKE THE YEAR WE'RE ALL NOW DESPERATELY LOOKING FORWARD TO, IS 20/20. AND THAT'S NOT TO SAY THERE WASN'T SOME GREAT COVERAGE OF TRUMP IN THIS ELECTION, FROM OUTLETS LIKE THE WASHINGTON POST AND THE NEW YORK TIMES. EVEN CNN EVENTUALLY PIVOTED AND BEGAN CORRECTING TRUMP IN LOWER-THIRD GRAPHICS, SUCH AS: "TRUMP: I NEVER SAID JAPAN SHOULD HAVE NUKES. PARENTHESIS, HE DID." AND THAT'S GOOD JOURNALISM. IF I GAVE A SPEECH SAYING I'M THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE, IT WOULD BE FAIR TO TAG THAT WITH "PARENTHESIS, LOOK AT HIM." THAT'S A MEAN JOKE TO LAUGH AT. THE PROBLEM IS, THE IMPACT OF CORRECTIONS LIKE THAT WHICH MIGHT HAVE SUNK A CANDIDATE IN ANOTHER ERA WAS COMPROMISED. BECAUSE THERE IS NO LONGER A CONSENSUS ON WHAT A FACT IS. TRUST IN MAINSTREAM MEDIA OUTLETS HAS BEEN FALLING, AND PEOPLE CAN CHOOSE TO GET THEIR NEWS FROM ECHO CHAMBERS THAT VALIDATE THEIR VIEWS. AND THERE'S NOTHING INHERENTLY WRONG WITH MEDIA THAT HAS A VIEWPOINT. THIS SHOW HAS A VIEWPOINT. WE FACT-CHECK EVERYTHING WE SAY, BUT I DON'T PRETEND TO BE NEUTRAL ON THINGS LIKE CRIMINAL JUSTICE REFORM -- I'M FOR IT, COLDPLAY -- I'M AGAINST IT, OR DEWALT LADDERS -- THEY'RE A SEAMLESS BLEND OF STYLE AND PERFORMANCE. WALKING UP ONE IS LIKE ASCENDING TO HEAVEN ON A GOLDEN CLOUD. I'M NOT BEING PAID TO SAY THAT. I'M JUST A FAN. BUT A HEALTHY MEDIA DIET HAS TO BE BROADER. UNFORTUNATELY, THE WAY MANY OF US CONSUME NEWS NOW IS MICRO-TARGETED. >> THE MAJORITY OF AMERICANS, 62%, SAY THEY GET THEIR NEWS FROM SOCIAL MEDIA, ACCORDING TO PEW RESEARCH. 44% OF ALL ADULTS SAY THEY GET NEWS SPECIFICALLY FROM FACEBOOK. >> John: IT'S TRUE. NEWS IS NOW ONE OF THE THREE THINGS WE GET FROM SOCIAL MEDIA, THE OTHER TWO BEING OUR ENTIRE SENSE OF SELF-WORTH AND PICTURES OF SHAVED ALPACAS. AND FAKE FACTS CIRCULATE ON SOCIAL MEDIA TO A FRIGHTENING EXTENT. YOU MAY HAVE SEEN THIS QUOTE FROM DONALD TRUMP ONLINE ABOUT REPUBLICANS BEING DUMB. HE NEVER SAID THAT. IT'S NOT TRUE. JUST AS IT'S NOT TRUE THAT THE POPE ENDORSED TRUMP. OF COURSE HE DIDN'T. BUT THAT STORY WAS SHARED ALMOST A MILLION TIMES, WHICH IS ABSURD. EVERYONE KNOWS THE CANDIDATE THE POPE ENDORSED WAS JOE EXOTIC. THEY HAVE VERY SIMILAR VIEWS ON DEREGULATING TIGER PRESERVES. PLEASE SHARE THIS NEWS A MILLION TIMES. THERE'S NOW A WHOLE COTTAGE INDUSTRY SPECIALIZING IN HYPER-PARTISAN, SOMETIMES WILDLY DISTORTED CLICKBAIT. BUZZFEED NEWS RESEARCHED SITES LIKE ADDICTING INFO ON THE LEFT AND FREEDOM DAILY ON THE RIGHT, BOTH OF WHICH HAVE OVER A MILLION FOLLOWERS ON FACEBOOK, PUTTING THEM IN THE SAME RANGE AS ANDERSON COOPER 360 AND FOUND THEM TO BE PUBLISHING MANY VIRAL ARTICLES CONTAINING FLAT-OUT FALSEHOODS. >> OVER TWO WEEKS, 38% OF NEWS ON SOME REPUBLICAN-LEANING FACEBOOK PAGES WAS PARTLY OR COMPLETELY FALSE, COMPARED TO 19% OF NEWS SHARED ON SOME DEMOCRAT-LEANING FACEBOOK PAGES. >> John: AND BEFORE YOU SAY, "REPUBLICANS ARE TWICE AS BAD," 19% IS STILL TERRIBLE. AND IT'S NOT NEWS THERE'S MISINFORMATION ON FACEBOOK. JUST LOOK AT THE RELATIONSHIP STATUS "IT'S COMPLICATED," THE ACCURATE VERSION OF WHICH WOULD BE, "IN THREE WEEKS I'LL BE SINGLE, BUT I CAN'T ADMIT IT YET." BUT THESE SITES CAN WARP YOUR VIEWS PRETTY FAST. YOUR NEWS FEED MAY HAVE BEEN FULL OF "THE TIMES" AND "POST" STORIES ABOUT DONALD TRUMP'S ACTUAL SCANDALS, BUT MANY AMERICANS LOGGED ONTO FACEBOOK EVERY DAY AND SAW SHIT LIKE THIS. AND THIS CESSPOOL OF NONSENSE WOULD BE A PROBLEM ANYWAY WERE IT NOT FOR THE FACT THAT ONE OF THE PEOPLE IN THRALL TO IT IS OUR FUTURE PRESIDENT. BACK IN MARCH, HE CLAIMED THAT A MAN WHO'D RUSHED THE STAGE AT ONE OF HIS RALLIES HAD TIES TO ISIS, SOMETHING THAT HAD CIRCULATED ONLINE AND HAD BEEN FOUND TO BE UNTRUE. AND WHEN THAT WAS POINTED OUT TO HIM, THIS WAS HIS RESPONSE. >> THERE'S NO TIES TO ISIS FOR THIS MAN, NO LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICIAL, AND THIS VIDEO THAT YOU LINK TO APPEARS TO BE A HOAX. >> WHAT DO I KNOW ABOUT IT? ALL I KNOW IS WHAT'S ON THE INTERNET. >> John: OKAY, BEING ON THE INTERNET IS NOT A HIGH BAR FOR ACCURACY. IF I EDITED WIKIPEDIA TO SAY THAT DIANNE WIEST'S REAL NAME IS DIANNE FROSTED MINI-WIEST, OUR NEXT PRESIDENT WOULD BELIEVE THAT TO BE TRUE. IN FACT, DURING THE CAMPAIGN, TRUMP ROUTINELY USED HIS PLATFORM TO SHARE WILDLY INCORRECT INFORMATION. AND EVEN FELLOW CONSERVATIVES TRIED TO POINT OUT HOW IRRESPONSIBLE THIS WAS. >> YOU TWEETED OUT THAT WHITES KILLED BY BLACKS, THESE ARE STATISTICS YOU PICKED UP FROM SOMEWHERE, AT A RATE OF 81%. AND THAT'S TOTALLY WRONG. WHITES KILLED BY BLACKS IS 15%. >> HEY, BILL, AM I GONNA CHECK EVERY STATISTIC? I GET MILLIONS AND MILLIONS OF PEOPLE @RealDonaldTrump, BY THE WAY. >> YOU'VE GOT TO. YOU'RE A PRESIDENTIAL CONTENDER. YOU GOT TO CHECK IT. >> I HAVE MILLIONS OF PEOPLE -- YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE, BUT THIS CAME OUT OF RADIO SHOWS AND EVERYTHING ELSE. >> John: OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. "I GOT IT FROM RADIO" IS MAYBE THE WEIRDEST NONSENSE EXPLANATION I'VE EVER HEARD, LIKE IF SOMEONE SAID, "THIS SANDWICH TASTES WEIRD" AND YOU SAID, "BUT I FOUND IT IN A HOLE! IF THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH IT, THEN WHAT WAS IT DOING SITTING IN A HOLE?" AND THAT'S THE EVIL GENIUS AT WORK HERE. WEIRD CONSPIRACY BULLSHIT HAS ALWAYS BEEN BUBBLING UNDER THE SURFACE, BUT TRUMP WAS THE FIRST MAJOR CANDIDATE TO HARNESS AND FULLY LEGITIMIZE IT. IT'S OBVIOUS IN HINDSIGHT. HE CAME ALONG AND TOLD MILLIONS OF PEOPLE, "EVERY CRAZY EMAIL YOU'VE EVER FORWARDED WAS TRUE." AND THAT IS, AT LEAST IN PART, WHY HE WILL BE OUR NEXT PRESIDENT. AND TO THEIR CREDIT, SOME REPUBLICAN LAWMAKERS WERE CALLING HIM OUT ON THIS DURING THE CAMPAIGN. >> I'M GOING TO TELL YOU WHAT I REALLY THINK OF DONALD TRUMP. THIS MAN IS A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR. HE DOESN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN TRUTH AND LIES. >> John: HE WAS RIGHT. HE WAS JUST RIGHT. BUT BEFORE YOU THINK REPUBLICANS MIGHT STAND UP TO TRUMP, I'LL REMIND YOU BY THE END OF THE CAMPAIGN, TED CRUZ, LIKE MANY OTHERS, NOT ONLY SAID HE'D VOTE FOR HIM, BUT WAS DOING THIS: >> HI, THIS IS TED CRUZ CALLING. I WAS CALLING TO ENCOURAGE YOU TO COME OUT AND VOTE ON ELECTION DAY. >> John: WOW, THAT IS HARD TO WATCH. "HI, THIS IS TED CRUZ, JUST CALLING TO REMIND YOU TO VOTE FOR A MAN WHO INSULTED MY WIFE AND SAID MY DAD HELPED KILL JFK. ANYWAY, LIFE HAS NO MEANING, THANK YOU, AND I WANT TO DIE. TAKE CARE NOW! GOD IS DEAD!" GOOD-BYE NOW. GOOD-BYE. SO THERE IS VERY LITTLE HOLDING TRUMP BACK. AND REMEMBER IN JANUARY, HE WILL BE SWORN INTO OFFICE. AND THERE'S ANOTHER WAVE OF NAUSEA. IT HITS YOU IN SMALL WAYS AND LARGE. FOR INSTANCE, HAD YOU CONSIDERED THE FACT PORTRAITS OF TRUMP ARE GOING TO BE HANGING IN AIRPORTS? OR THAT THE MAN WHO DISPARAGED A GOLD STAR FAMILY WILL NOW BE EXPECTED TO COMFORT THE FAMILIES OF FALLEN SOLDIERS? AND MAYBE YOU'VE TRIED TO MAKE YOURSELF FEEL BETTER, FANTASIZING THAT HE MIGHT GOOGLE "HOW MUCH DOES THE PRESIDENT GET PAID," GET DEPRESSED, AND RESIGN. BUT THAT'S WHEN YOU REMEMBER MIKE FUCKING PENCE, WHO MIGHT BE EVEN WORSE. BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S FROM THE 1950s, BUT HE THINKS LIKE HE'S FROM THE 1650s. "OH, WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY? HER PREGNANCY WAS TERMINATED BEFORE BIRTH? CLEARLY SHE IS A WITCH. HOLD A FUNERAL FOR THE FETUS AND THROW THE MOTHER IN A LAKE." AND I KNOW THIS IS ALL DEPRESSING, BUT IT DOES BRING US BACK TO THE IMPORTANT QUESTION: "WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO NOW?" AND FOR THE RECORD, THE ANSWER IS NOT "MOVE TO CANADA." LITERALLY THE ONLY EXCUSE TO EVER MIGRATE TO CANADA IS IF YOU WERE BORN THERE ORIGINALLY, IT'S SPRINGTIME, AND YOU ARE A GOOSE. THAT'S IT. THAT IS IT. NO, WE'RE GOING TO NEED TO STAY HERE AND FIGHT. AND NOT JUST POLITICALLY IN FOUR YEARS, WHEN HE'S UP FOR RE-ELECTION, BUT CONSTANTLY, MONITORING LEGISLATION AS IT MOVES THROUGH CONGRESS, AND FUCKING VOTING WHEN YOUR LEGISLATORS COME UP FOR RE-ELECTION IN TWO YEARS. BUT THAT'S STILL BELOW THE BAREST MINIMUM OF WHAT'S GOING TO BE NEEDED. BECAUSE FOR THE LAST EIGHT YEARS, WE'VE HAD A PRESIDENT WE COULD ASSUME WOULD GENERALLY STAND UP FOR THE RIGHTS OF ALL AMERICANS. BUT THAT IS GOING TO CHANGE NOW. SO WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO ACTIVELY STAND UP FOR ONE ANOTHER. AND IT CAN'T BE SOUNDING OFF ON THE INTERNET OR SHARING THINKPIECES OR VIDEOS LIKE THIS ONE THAT ECHO AROUND YOUR BUBBLE. I'M TALKING ABOUT ACTUAL SACRIFICE TO SUPPORT PEOPLE WHO ARE NOW UNDER THREAT. IF YOU CAN AFFORD THE TIME OR MONEY, SUPPORT ORGANIZATIONS THAT ARE GOING TO NEED HELP UNDER A TRUMP ADMINISTRATION. FOR INSTANCE, IF YOU'RE CONCERNED ABOUT WOMEN'S HEALTH, DONATE TO PLANNED PARENTHOOD OR THE CENTER FOR REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE MANMADE GLOBAL WARMING IS A SILLY ISSUE, DONATE TO THE NATURAL RESOURCES DEFENSE COUNCIL. IF YOU DON'T THINK REFUGEES ARE A TERRORIST ARMY IN DISGUISE, DONATE TO THE INTERNATIONAL REFUGEE ASSISTANCE PROJECT. OH, AND GIVEN THESE GUYS' TRACK RECORD, I'D ALSO RECOMMEND DONATIONS TO THE NAACP LEGAL DEFENSE FUND, THE TREVOR PROJECT FOR LGBTQ YOUTH, AND THE MEXICAN AMERICAN LEGAL DEFENSE AND EDUCATIONAL FUND. THAT LAST ONE WOULD BE PERFECT IF YOUR COMPASSION FOR LATINOS GOES BEYOND, SAY, OCCASIONALLY EATING A FUCKING TACO BOWL. AND DO CHECK THE BOX FOR RECURRING DONATIONS IF YOU CAN, BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A SHORT-TERM PROBLEM. ALSO, FOR A DASH OF FUN, I'LL POINT OUT IF YOU HAVE RELATIVES WHO SUPPORTED TRUMP, YOU CAN GIVE MONEY IN THEIR NAME. SO CONSIDER YOUR HOLIDAY SHOPPING THIS YEAR DONE. HAPPY HOLIDAYS, NANA. THE TREVOR PROJECT THANKS YOU. AND THERE'S ONE MORE GROUP I WOULD SINGLE OUT FOR HELP, AND THAT'S THE PRESS. BECAUSE, AS WE'VE SEEN, TRUMP IS A MASTERFUL DENIER OF BOTH REALITY AND RESPONSIBILITY. HE IS A MAN WHO WOULD KICK YOU IN THE NUTS AND THEN TELL YOU THAT YOUR PENIS DID IT. SO THE PRESS IS GOING TO FACE CHALLENGES NOT JUST BECAUSE TRUMP'S CHIEF STRATEGIST IS STEVE BANNON OF BREITBART NEWS BUT ALSO BECAUSE OF YET ANOTHER PROMISE TRUMP MADE. >> IF I BECOME PRESIDENT THEY'RE GONNA HAVE PROBLEMS. OH, THEY'RE GOING TO HAVE SUCH PROBLEMS. I'M GOING TO OPEN UP OUR LIBEL LAWS SO WHEN THEY WRITE PURPOSELY NEGATIVE AND HORRIBLE AND FALSE ARTICLES, WE CAN SUE THEM AND WIN LOTS OF MONEY. WE'RE GOING TO OPEN UP THOSE LIBEL LAWS. >> John: OKAY, WELL, FIRST, THERE IS NO FEDERAL LIBEL LAWS. FOR TRUMP TO OPEN UP. AND AS MANY SUPPOSED RECIPIENTS OF TRUMP'S CHARITABLE GIFTS WILL TELL YOU, YOU CAN'T OPEN SOMETHING UP IF IT DOESN'T EXIST. BUT THAT ATTITUDE OF PUNISHING THE PRESS IS GENUINELY WORRISOME NOW THAT HE'S PRESIDENT. SO INSTEAD OF SHARING PARTISAN MEMES YOU FOUND ON Republigoofs.redneck AND Democrappy.cuck YOU NEED TO SUPPORT ACTUAL JOURNALISM BY BUYING A SUBSCRIPTION TO OUTLETS LIKE THE TIMES OR THE POST OR YOUR LOCAL NEWSPAPER. OR DONATING TO GROUPS LIKE PROPUBLICA, A NONPROFIT WHICH DOES GREAT INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM. THE POINT IS, IF WE DON'T GET ACTIVELY INVOLVED TO AT LEAST MITIGATE TRUMP'S DAMAGE, THINGS WILL NOT BE OKAY. AND YES, THE SUN WILL RISE EACH DAY, BUT THE CONTINUING ROTATION OF THE EARTH SHOULD NOT BE YOUR BASELINE EXPECTATION OF AMERICAN SOCIETY. AND I JUST NEED TO ASK YOU ONE MORE THING. IT'S GOING TO BE TOO EASY FOR THINGS TO START FEELING NORMAL, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE SOMEONE WHO IS NOT DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY HIS ACTIONS. SO KEEP REMINDING YOURSELF THIS IS NOT NORMAL. WRITE IT ON A POST-IT NOTE AND STICK IT ON YOUR REFRIGERATOR. HIRE A SKY WRITER ONCE A MONTH. TATTOO IT ON YOUR ASS. BECAUSE A KLAN-BACKED, MISOGYNIST INTERNET TROLL IS GOING TO BE DELIVERING THE NEXT STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS. AND THAT'S NOT NORMAL. IT'S FUCKED UP. AND THE ONLY THING THAT GIVES ME ONE DEGREE OF COMFORT IS THAT I THINK PART OF TRUMP MIGHT BE REALIZING THAT NOW TOO. JUST LOOK AT HIS FACE AFTER MEETING WITH PAUL RYAN AND GETTING A GLIMPSE OF WHAT THE JOB ENTAILS. HERE'S THE ACTUAL AUDIO FROM THAT. ♪ ♪ I FEEL THE SAME. LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENS FROM HERE. AND THIS IS ACTUALLY OUR FINAL SHOW OF THE YEAR. AND NORMALLY, ON OUR LAST SHOW, WE MASH UP ELEMENTS FROM THE SEASON AND DANCE AROUND IN THE STUDIO. BUT THAT DOESN'T REALLY SEEM APPROPRIATE. NOT JUST BECAUSE OF THE ELECTION BUT BECAUSE 2016 HAS BEEN AN UNCOMMONLY SHITTY YEAR. FROM THE ONGOING CRISIS IN SYRIA TO ZIKA TO RYAN LOCHTE BEING A DOUCHE TO A SEEMINGLY ENDLESS STRING OF CELEBRITY DEATHS, INCLUDING JUST THIS WEEK LEONARD COHEN. SO WE'VE PUT SOMETHING TOGETHER ABOUT HOW AWFUL THIS YEAR HAS BEEN. WE STARTED IT A LITTLE WHILE AGO, BUT IT NOW FEELS MORE PRESCIENT THAN EVER. BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH THIS YEAR STILL HAS SEVEN WEEKS LEFT, I'M CALLING IT EARLY. 2016 HAS BEEN THE FUCKING WORST. SO THANKS FOR WATCHING. PLEASE ENJOY THIS TRIBUTE TO A TRULY TERRIBLE YEAR. >> 2016 HAS BEEN ONE CALAMITY AFTER ANOTHER. REMEMBERED FOR THE GIANT CALAMITY WE ALL JUST WITNESSED. WE SHOULDN'T LOSE SIGHT OF THE OTHER MULTIPLE WAYS THIS HAS BEEN A SHIT YEAR. >> ARRAYS 2016 OFF THE CALENDAR. >> A ROTTEN YEAR. >> IT BLEW. IT WAS AWFUL. >> FOR THE EU, IT WAS A CRABBY YEAR. >> BREXIT, A MESS. >> SYRIAN REFUGEE CRISIS, TERRIBLE. >> LOTS OF SEXISM BEING BLATANT. >> IT'S DISGUSTING. >> THE NEW YORK JETS SOCKET. THE YANKEES MISSED THE PLAYOFFS. >> I DON'T LIKE KEVIN DURANT GOING TO GOLDEN STATE. THAT WAS A CHICKEN SHIT MOVE. >> I GOT BROKEN UP WITH. >> HAD A GIRLFRIEND, BROKE UP WITH ME TWO MONTHS AGO. >> MY LANDLORD SAID. [SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE] SPEAK YOU >> SB 17 YEAR. >> TOO MANY DEATHS. >> PRINCE. >> DAVID BOWIE. >> DAVID BOWIE. >> MY DOG. >> TRIBE CALLED QUEST. I GREW UP ON THAT. >> WHAT HE REPRESENTS FOR BLACK PEOPLE IN AMERICA. >> FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, STING LIKE A BEE. >> GENE WILDER. >> ALAN RICKMAN. >> THIS YEAR DID SUCK. >> FUCK YOU, 2016. >> BAD YEAR. >> SHIT YEAR. >> FUCK U, 2016. >> FUCK, 2016. >> FUCK YOU, 2016. >> 2016, FUCK OFF. >> WELL BELOW MY STANDARDS OF QUALITY. >> FUCK YOU, 2016. >> HEY, 2016, GO PUNCH YOURSELF IN THE DICK. >> FUCK YOU, 2016. >> HEY, FUCK YOU, 2016 >> >> FUCK, 2016. >> 2016, FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, GO FUCK YOURSELF. >> FUCK YOU, 2016. FUCK YOU. ♪ ♪ >> John: THAT'S OUR SHOW. THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING. LET'S ALL TRY HARDER NEXT YEAR. GOOD NIGHT.
I made a gif of the best part
http://i.imgur.com/BIHAlQL.gifv
My favorite part was Weird Al being the only person who didn't swear.
"Fuck you John Oliver" made me laugh, but the best is by far Billy Eichner saying fuck you to 2017 way in advance!
The beginning part of the video was full of politics but I linked it from the starting point of the Fuck2016 segment which I feel is fitting here.
There's still a month and a half to go, he tempts fate. He fucked 2016, it will fuck back.
Who is the guy who says "You're asking ME?"
Checked to make sure this was posted.
Good job.
/sub
Youpak isn't working, any mirrors?
Absolutely 2015