Stripper interview-Orylan

all right rylan yes ryland tell me about your childhood you grew up where uh i grew up in a small town uh called cedrif texas i was born in a smaller town called victoria texas and population like less than 2 000 people just about moved to corpus christi when i was a little bit older and yeah that's brings me i live in houston texas currently though okay and tell me about your family so family i grew up with all my family most people look at me and they believe i was abandoned i don't have any family or i'm not loved or anything i had my whole family my whole family has been in my life grandma papa everybody's still alive thank god so very supportive very loving family a few not so supportive group really christian so i am i do believe in god people don't think i do i look like a demon to most people now that you would look at me i look like a vampire demon or whatever somebody would want to call me but i grew up christian so yeah so pretty good childhood stuff pretty good childhood yeah people don't think so people think about the stigmas of just looking like this or even having tattoos simply that body body modification yeah body modifications in general that you have to be abandoned or not loved or hurt but for me that wasn't it that the more hurting in my life happened later you finished high school i finished high school i graduated high school at 2017 i'm about to be 23 in april so yeah graduated high school after high school you did what so after high school i lived in corpus christi until high school and then my dad agreed to let me move in with him and he lives in houston texas so at 18 he bought me my first car and i moved in with him i had planned to go to college he wanted me to do be a nurse you're only gonna he's like you're not going to do anything good unless you go to college you have to go to college to be successful that college equals success equals the cookie cutter life which i never wanted to live ever ever in my life but that's what he told me that's the only way i'll live or i'll be homeless and i'll have nothing and you showed me a photo of yourself yes i did a couple years ago yes and you were you looked very different i looked very different nothing not nothing on me really nothing at all besides a few tattoos but so so what i mean so where did your life go after you decided not to college so the thing is i did go to college i my dad paid for my first semester i went i went for less than a week i went for less than a week and the it's funny because i actually quit because you know they do the thing when you first start what do you want to be after college what do you want to be i was in three two years for basics just saying also how to do two years basics and then three years nursing school like what is this so they went around the classroom they asked everybody well what do you want to be everybody said a nurse like there's a two kids said doctor lawyer and i was like i'm literally about to sit here in this class with kids and say i want to be a nurse i'm going to be put in this box in this hamster wheel that i literally do not want to live in i literally said i i was gonna say a nurse but i i don't wanna be i don't wanna be the same as everybody i was like how do i drop out and i dropped out like that moment never went back had to hide it from my dad for a whole semester he was so mad but i couldn't do it and how do you support yourself now so now um currently i'm a dancer and i do only fans full time both are both are full-time jobs people think it's just side it's just well that's not real money it's nothing and i mean it's it's supported me it almost came to a point where there was a point where my dad looked so down on what i was doing like i i had to kind of move out he didn't agree with it he had a really toxic girlfriend at the time so i couldn't live there anymore she was kind of abusive and stuff just mentally and they were just toxic so i had to move out and he knew i was dancing he didn't like it so i got my first apartment in downtown houston and yeah it's pretty pricey but but what i do is i don't know i like what i do my whole family knows what i do actually my grandma my aunt everybody my grandma shouted out my only fans sometimes too you're clearly just the black sheep of the family yeah that's what they like to say i do have two little sisters and they're still young so i i don't want them to follow in these footsteps so i i'm not recommending this to anybody so you're working at a strip club yeah yeah i'm working at a strip club but it's really hard for me right now because they think having all this body modification makes sense no they make me cover up my face tattoos i have to cover them up every night like i have to use this really thick foundation on my skin and every time i work i have to cover them up and houston's just not really good for dancing right now it's it's really bad i don't know why but and i try i want to try vegas i want to try here in california but it's something about the face tattoos and that's so surprising because you also have the eyes yeah i have my eyes tattooed yeah people think their contacts are in all contacts and i have my teeth banged so yeah it it's it's sad because nowadays you would think that just with the way the world is like modifications are so common they're so normal but strip clubs they don't really allow that so i'm able to express myself more and only fans like i want to say i make more and only fans than i do dancing so yeah what is it that got you to do all this tattooing and piercing and so what it really was uh how i said i had a good childhood i had an amazing childhood love my family amazing family but i got into a toxic relationship from 18 to 21 and this man like destroyed my whole mindset everything he he took my phone he would beat me he would hurt me and he i wasn't that person the way i looked before that every day was a daily reminder that that's who he wanted me to be he wanted my hair short blonde cut like that he didn't want me to have any tattoos he wanted me to start removing my tattoos believe it or not he made me get his name tattooed but i cut it out but he said he would leave me if i didn't tattoo his name and then i did it and then he said it was a test you're so stupid and then he made me cover it up so yeah and then he was trying to make me start getting them removed and then eventually i had a nanny job that's what i was doing from 18 to 21 and then after 21 i started doing only fans right on my 21st birthday i went to the strip club and i started dancing and only fans but before that i was a nanny i was a nanny to two families i made less than like 400 a week for my two jobs i was giving all my money to him for no reason he had two kids he said it was for his kids but slowly a year or two added up he had accumulated taken over ten thousand dollars from me and uh i couldn't take it anymore i went to my breaking point he broke my phone i had nothing my dad told me you have to move out if you're gonna be with him and i i hit my breaking point to where i had to leave him and then after that i got into the dancing and that and then it kind of just blew up from there and i was able to support myself but do you think all this modification you've done is a reaction to that relationship or so or is it something you just always had in you i want to say it's almost i've always had it in me i always said since i was a kid i would want to be tattooed i always wanted to be but i didn't know what that meant to me i didn't know i was going to do this to my face interestingly enough i want to say i really did my face after my own father his business kind of crashed a little bit love him to death but his business crashed a little bit and he had to borrow money from me and at first i was like wow you need to borrow money from the daughter you said will never be nothing will never be anything the way i look ugly trashy and after that i was kind of like society doesn't mean you don't have to go to college to win in life you don't they want you to think that in school but you don't but i don't knock college anybody that wants to go to school go to school but after that i was like i'm gonna express myself however i want and after that i started loving myself so much after i did this really yeah there was no self-love before i really hated myself the way i used to look and i would why did my eyes almost a reason i would look in my eyes and i would see my ex i would just see what he wanted me to be and i didn't even want to look at my own eyes anymore i just wanted them like gone in a way and i discovered eyeball tattooing eyeball injections it's very dangerous but if you get it done by the right person it's it's pretty nice it doesn't really hurt or anything you talk about the eyes yeah the eyes it doesn't it there's really no pain in it it's very expensive it's perfect it's permanent it's forever it's gonna last the rest of my life you can't even get it removed like the ones on your face if you wanted to you could get them removed yeah if i wanted to get my face tattoos removed i definitely could uh the eyes the eyes there forever can't change them at all interesting decisions you've made interesting yeah people always ask will i regret it that's one of the biggest ask questions why regret it well i regret it when i'm older the thing is i don't want to be cliche but i don't live life thinking i'm going to regret things because you only live once and i don't personally want to live my life looking like everybody else on the street i don't want to look like that i want someone to look me at me and question me why does she have that butterfly on her head why does she do this it's healthy to ask questions but if i'm just someone that's just you just pass by on the road i don't want to live life like that would you describe the other parts of your life as fairly conventional or are you non-conformist across the board um meaning like i mean like like the kind of relationships you have the the the life you know where you live the lifestyle you lead so i honestly i want to say i feel like i lived like a fairly boring life uh i had drugs no drugs no drugs involved in my life i did uh synthetic marijuana one time when i was 14 years old i had a seizure in it i had to go to the doctor and they diagnosed me with bipolar depression ptsd anxiety disorder they wanted to put me on medications i took medications when i was 16 but they made my body hot and it scared me so after that i never took any medication again so and do you have bouts with depression anxiety anything every day uh to this day i still have chronic depression anxiety but i i just live with it i have my cats they help so much i don't look towards drugs or alcohol because my mom and my dad were both alcoholics my dad had like five dwis heart but he owns a business now he's great my mom she's in a wheelchair now actually she got really sick two years ago and she lost her legs and it got her off the alcohol really so she doesn't really drink anymore but i told myself i didn't want to end up like that ever and just i i couldn't become an alcoholic or a drug addict so people wouldn't think but i'm pretty i'm pretty straight edge and as far as relationships i kind of like swore off relationships now um the last two i was in one ten thousand dollars from me the other wanted money for me or they didn't want to be with me anymore because they think i got it like that and that's not what you should be like in a relationship so are you happier now than you were before you did all this stuff definitely 100 more happier but depression doesn't care if you change your looks it doesn't care if you have money doesn't care where you live it'll follow you as long as it wants to so it's a battle but i have my little baby cats so do you have any regrets in your life you're you're how old you you're 22 22. so regrets oh my gosh i want to say it was you know it's almost like i can't say i regret anything because i wouldn't be where i'm at i would not be where i'm at right now do i regret maybe smoking fake weed when i was 14 and getting all these symptoms from it and being diagnosed with all this traumatic stuff yes but i i wouldn't i wouldn't be where i am in my life if i didn't do everything i've done up to now and i believe where i'm at is the best place i can be in my life right now and you you don't you wouldn't consider all these things you're doing as self-destruct many people would watch this video and say oh this girl's self-destruction yes they would say that uh no i people say it's self-destructive they say you don't love yourself and they say what happens when you get older and i'm like what do you mean we're all gonna get older you're gonna have wrinkles i'm gonna have wrinkles but i'm gonna look cool and have wrinkles like what you're gonna you know it's it's pure self-love there's no destruction in this at all i did this because i love myself because it's a part of me now and i'll continue to get tattoos i'm not done i'm gonna cover my whole body done with my face for sure but i have many more to get is it is it some kind of i'm trying to break it down as to what what motivates you to do it is it a call for like attention or just to be different or so misunderstood definitely not a call for attention it's it's for myself almost because to me tattoos are so painful they're the most painful things you'll ever get to me honestly it's almost like an accomplishment after i do them and i just don't like seeing a body that i can see on the street a million times over i don't want to be copy and pasted in any form of my life and that's kind of how i feel like we all come out it might sound dumb to some people but it's like we all come out looking the same i don't want to look like that at all it's been a couple years now that you've started doing this yeah only two years that i've completed basically the whole transformation that i've really wanted to complete yeah you've done a lot yeah i did my face like a week ago i just did the other side of my face like a week ago i did this about a week ago and then i just got a little sphinx in my palm like three days ago so i just sometimes i just wake up and i'm like i want to tattoo like my tattoo artist i told her one day i woke up and i was like i want you to tattoo my face and i don't care what it is and she just tattooed this huge sword on my face so yeah how have you changed from just from the modifications you've done in what way i mean like i'm sure you get different reactions from people i'm sure that so it affects your life in some way yes my my grandma i love her to death but she's so christian she's very christian and bless her heart but she are are you testing the the conformity of everyone around you i imagine houston must be uh fairly so interestingly interestingly people aren't very open there uh i go into some place someone notices me someone stares at me for a long time and i almost like it because i want people to almost be offended i don't know why but because it's like you shouldn't be offended you shouldn't judge a book by its cover actually i had an instance the other day i was in a cvs a woman she was on the phone with her friend i was minding my business just i don't even know what i was getting she was on the phone with her friend and she said there is this girl standing right next to me and she looks like the ugliest demon i've ever seen like this girl looks like a straight up ugly demon and i said excuse you i said what are you talking about and she was like you know you're going to go to hell like why would you do that to yourself you look like a demon and i said ma'am god says thou shall not judge i said you're going to see hell way before i do. so like i love that because you can't judge somebody you just can't judge them you really can't you don't know what's behind this like people don't really know that behind this like there is a lot of pain and hurt but i did this because i love myself so they're just judging the outside they're not judging my soul which is what really counts what are you afraid of oh what am i afraid of i used to say monsters i used to be monsters i to this day i still don't sleep in my bedroom i'm scared of things i don't i don't know i people are like well you look like the monster and i'm like i get that but i'm scared of people people are some people are the scariest things ever and that relationship kind of reinforced them and that's actually kind of why i got the butterflies i have a lot of butterflies i'm going to continue to get butterflies because people are some of the most so what it is is butterflies they're so beautiful they're so pretty i love looking at butterflies we have butterfly museums in houston love those things but what people don't really know is that their anatomy on the inside what they really are they're really gross they they eat vomit they eat spit they eat each other after they mate there's a bunch of other things about them that's just really weird like they die after like a few days or a week and i kind of look at people like butterflies because on the outside they can look so beautiful and so pretty but on the inside it can be some of the ugliest people in the world and you wouldn't know monsters so you're trying to be the opposite of that exactly exactly it's almost like i look like the monster on the outside and on the inside i just i'm the beautiful butterfly that's great are you happy is this like the happiest point of your life right now i would say right now i'm at the happiest point in my life but i'm also at the lowest point um i struggle very bad with depression it's so bad uh it's hard to even wake up some days so it's it's like one of those things i have everything i could ever want i have an apartment i have beautiful cats i just bought a new car i have a loving family but it's like depression doesn't care i still don't look forward to things i'm not happy some days i am i have bipolar depression i have bipolar disorder some days i'm so up here and then the next day i'm down here so but i would say right now in my life this is exactly where i need to be so that's why i'm happy yeah does doing sex work the only fans on the stripping does that yeah that could undermine a woman's happiness yeah so i know i can't do it forever and there are days i wake up and i'm crying my eyes out because i'm just so depressed i'm so sad and i have no idea why and a guy wants a video of me doing explicit things and it's like he'll pay me a hundred dollars for the video or whatever you know and it's just like i i almost have to be a sexual being 24 7. because that's what it is that's my job if i'm not i'm not gonna make money does that get to you a lot because it made me realize like another thing why i wouldn't even really want to be in relationships there's so many married men on my stuff so many people that ask me oh how much for this how much for that and it it's it's degrading but i i asked for it in a way i but i'm successful at it if i wasn't successful at it i wouldn't be doing it so it is a really good thing but there's also so many down parts about it even with dancing because it's like i have to go and actually be touched by people and sometimes not make a dollar and then i have to go home and be 24 7 by messages 24 7 on my own fans and i have to respond because they pay me so do i want to do it forever no but i'm saving up as much as i can and i'm gonna hopefully figure out before i'm 25 what i'm going to do maybe invest maybe i will never conform to a regular job though i'll never do that do you long for a a relationship with somebody who just accepts you and loves you as you are you know i do actually i really do uh i just kind of another really bad relationship about two months ago he just he's 34 years old but he literally stole my xbox and he told me if i wouldn't give him money he wasn't going to stay with me so it's really sad like i feel like i'll never find it almost i feel like it's just a different world we live in now and even if they do i just don't feel like some people are very committed and want to be with one person forever but i do hope to be loved in the future by somebody do you have friends small group i want to say i have one or two friends and i need that huh that's all you need though it's all you need it's all you need i have my family i don't what i look at friends is like if we can't benefit each other and be on the same level or above me then why are we in each other's lives i don't party i don't go out i don't drink i don't do any of that stuff so i would rather have someone that uplifts me that can help me reach higher goals in life than people that are just below me and have nothing to really offer me so do your friends understand you or get you yeah yeah the ones that are really in my life like they're they're there always but are they alternative like you like yourself or no they're kind of in the scene but not really like me they're just some like honestly it's literally two people it's only two yeah that's okay though yeah so it's like nothing yeah it's it's but besides that family so it's like if they're if they're squares basically or look like that yeah but they understand you yeah oh yeah it's beautiful just my whole family too they all know crazy tattoos or anything but they love me and they go by god says don't judge so i'll never judge you because they know my heart they know the person i am so yeah so there was nothing in your childhood that really no trauma that may have led to something like this so i think i almost forgot to mention um i'm not going to really mention any names or anything but when i was younger there was an app called seeking arrangements i'm sure it's still around but you can get like sugar daddies and things like that so when i was in high school i kind of wanted to like help my family out and stuff a little bit so i would go on dates at 16 17 years old because i was able to lie on the app and i would do these dates for money uh 16 17 years old skipping school high school and um these are sexual favors i would say something like that yeah this is something you did on your own or um it was or somebody led you into it so it was more on my own but influenced that kind of like it's not not bad to do it no one was really because i kind of kept it from most my family but some people knew and wasn't really let out of it to where you know i was like let out of it because no one was really strict strict on me so i kind of skipped school a lot and i would do these things and make the money fast money and i think that's also kind of why i'm like so desensitized to like the sex industry now because i kind of did it at a younger age and i did it kind of up until i was 18 and then i got into the bad relationship you know fast money quick money but it's gone now like so fast money like that it wasn't worth it um did it mess with my mental health a little bit yeah in a way was it a little traumatic yeah uh i just try to grow from it now for sure because it was when i think about it like now i'm like oh my gosh i was 16 doing that with like doctors and lawyers and i was literally skipping school getting truancy like and you know i mean i was taking care of my little sisters too i would help them out so it was like it was good money but i i had to stop after a while but i wouldn't say it's the leading factor to why i did all this to myself i would say it's almost something that kind of gave me thick skin and made me a stronger person to not be so weak so i would say your mom was an alcoholic your dad was too yeah so my mom having both parents as alcoholics probably so my mom was an alcoholic dad was an alcoholic my dad traveled a lot he wasn't in my life as much he's me and my dad are really close now my dad yeah my dad and my mom divorced when i was one they just couldn't do it and then my mom has two other daughters with two different men one of them died one of my sister's dads died and then i currently have a stepdad now and he takes care of them as of now so you're the oldest i'm the oldest yeah i have a 19 year old sister and a 14 year old sister and i try to help my 19 year old sister out as much as my as much as i can she's like my daughter because uh she's just i don't want her to go on a bad path so i try to help her out as much as i can now just try to like lead her in the right ways not to what i'm doing but just in a better path than me you must get crazy interactions with people encounters with people right so i would say i do um mostly online sure i do but at the club for sure um people with a club it it's really gross sometimes like we have five dollar tuesdays it's like five dollar dances and you know a 20 dance fully nude like we do everything and oh my gosh these men i i really it just it's really gross like so i'll be giving a dance and they'll literally try to stick their tongue out and put it all up in my private parts and i i literally always call them out and i'm like you know i could have a disease right like you don't know who i am and they get so scared they get so scared and i just think it's so funny like these people like even when i'm on stage dancing they will try to straight up stick their fingers all in your crevices and i'm just like what and then i have to still go home and deal with people wanting videos of me like putting multiple things and doing all these crazy things and it's like it's a different life it's a different life because i feel like it's almost like i'm not like this crazy sexual being like i'm really not like on the inside i really i just want love like if i was with someone i really just want love and cuddles i'm not all about this crazy stuff but people look at me and think oh i'm so extreme i must love all this insane stuff but i don't so i have to fake it like every day it's acting i'm a good actor it's almost like what you what you've done to your body and all that is just a statement against judgment exactly exactly and our preconceived ideas about each other exactly that's what it is what has all this taught you everything you're going through everything you've been through about life what have you learned what have i learned what has this taught me that one it's cliche but don't ever judge somebody don't ever don't ever judge somebody don't ever tell somebody they can't be something don't don't sit there and say because you look one way you can't do something because i've more than proved that i can do anything and be anything even looking like this so i say peace and love every day i i say to everybody i talk it i speak it into existence i don't speak negativity into the world i don't talk hate on anybody so i would say we all just need to be kind to one another and everyone just needs to be nice because this world can be so cruel so i would just say just it's all love in this world and that's what we should all be even if i look crazy and like a monster or whatever i'm all about love and i think judgment is an interesting thing because it certainly if you read the comments on a lot of the videos on this channel you'll you can see everyone loves to judge they seem to be addicted to it i believe it's an addiction yeah yeah for sure it's something that somehow it makes us feel better about ourselves or something it's an attempt to make us feel better about ourselves i had a whole lot put someone else down yeah i had a whole tick tock it got deleted tick tock is stupid to me but i had almost a million followers on it every single day people were saying oh your father must not love you oh your mother must not love you and i would pull my dad into the video with me and i'd be like here's my dad he loves me people would say the nastiest things like oh you must be forcing your family to do videos with you because they hate you like people have said things to where my grandma's watching those videos and she's crying for me because people are so hateful and i'm like for what why like are you not happy with yourself because because i don't care about judgment because it's just a reflection of them yeah that's how i say yeah i have no reason to judge anybody and i never have and i never will hate on anybody because i love myself so i have i believe that when you're making a judgment about somebody else it's really a reflection of something about yourself that you don't even understand you don't even see it is it's exactly there's something about yourself that yeah like somebody will watch your video or or someone else that i interview and there'll be something about that that interviewee that will take you off exactly and you're gonna make a judgment to knock them down or criticize them in some way but if you really broke all that down there's something about yourself that you're not looking at exactly that you need to look at and i look at it at people get mad at things they don't understand a lot or or there's something about a person that will remind them of something in themselves that they don't like so they'll knock that down exactly exactly all right thank you so much for talking with me and uh i wish you the best of luck with whatever you're doing from here thank you so much mark stay happy thank you very much bye you

Channel: Soft White Underbelly

Views: 2,114,520

Keywords: soft white underbelly, swu

Id: 9VxpxCZLhbs

Length: 30min 8sec (1808 seconds)

Published: Fri Feb 04 2022