Some of The Best of President Joe Biden | JEFF DUNHAM

[Music] so Walter it's time for a brand new video oh good what are we gonna do this time well this time it's a compilation video oh we take a bunch of videos from the past and make one big long video yeah it's me and lazy no it's great these are videos from years past how far back well all of them are you playing Joe Biden uh no not that they're great videos no they're not they are we put a little makeup on you grade your hair a little bit put some sunglasses on you it's ridiculous everyone thinks I look just like Jill Biden you do shut up it's one of the ones where I delete grunt yep you debate yourself we uh Dressed you up like Trump and you play Grump and then you also play Joe Biden in a debate genius yeah okay that one is kind of funny I'll give you that are you gonna watch hell no okay yeah here we go la la [Music] greetings I am Ahmed the Dead journalist and welcome to another edition of gift as crap election news I am currently at an undisclosed location in one of the big cities in the United States where peaceful demonstrations are now taking place very peaceful pay no attention to the peaceful explosions All Around Me holy crap it's just celebrations of peace I think I would say for as a suicide bomber oh okay moving on today I have the honor of hosting a debate for the upcoming presidential election between two gentlemen we all know very well first the winner of the 2016 election the outspoken and sometimes what the did he just tweet president of the United States foreign and his opponent the most questionable presidential candidate in the history of this country mainly because he lives in the basement and we're fairly certain his wife has him on a shock collar to keep him from saying random crazy stuff please welcome the former vice president Ben Haydn where the hell's a teleprompter I can't see it with these damn glasses on how can I give good answers if I can't read them oh hey who turned on the lights greetings gentlemen hello again Ahmed oh Ahmed look at you you wanna fight I'm ready there's no Woodshed down here but I'll take you behind it Jack squirrel what Gentlemen let's start right away with some questions he's lying every question Haydn has answered so far has been a lie there have not been any questions yet I knew that you know cheerleaders are more fun to watch than the actual football game but Jill says no Huggy touchy squeezy but I say it's okay if you're sure there are no cameras around wow the pandemic has been devastating to this country and to the world pandemic starts with a P see I got my facilities faculties I got my faculties you know like teachers teachers like when they write out a chalkboard in their arms jiggle underneath makes me feel kind of like Mr President yes you are not the president yes I am no you're not hey you still hosting Wheel of Fortune Jill and I love you holding that van away I'd buy her Val president Grump what will you do to prevent any future pandemics that's easy no more testing none at all see no test means no one is sick uh the Fantastic American public will vote for it trust me plus all these terrible viruses come from China I plan to charge Joyner and import tax on each case of kovid and then I'll build a wall on our border with China uh Mr President there is no border between the U.S and China yeah sure is no there isn't well there will be and Mexico will pay for it what why because they still owe us for the other one did I ever tell you about the time I got a fortune cookie that said made in China at least that's what the little piece of paper said only it was a sticker and it was on my cell phone case no cookie just a fortune for sure that was a sneaker on your phone case that said made in China yep if we had that wall on the China border no more fake fortune cookies phone cases I'm gonna make that an executive order law listen here bub you're done building walls I remember when I told Gorbachev to tear down that wall best speech I ever made Jill said that speech made her horny oh oh that was a good one you know you better hope that China never buys the United States because if they do then the abbreviation for Virginia would be the don't say it vagina he said it here we go everybody tell you about the time I went to China I went there with Hillary Hillary loves China about the time when I was fighting in the Korean War I was stationed in kimchi those guys use deadly force on me 72 times one for every state and every time I took him behind the Woodshed I stripped down Nick and I said come get me kimchi guys you what does anyone here really think I'm the crazy one Mr Haydn do black lives matter you mean in general or when picking a running mate both answers are yes Mr Haydn how do you pronounce Senator Harris's first name you can't trick me I know there's no such person as Senator Harris never heard of him she's your running mate you should mate wow president Grump what do you have to say about rioters in Portland being grabbed and thrown into unmarked Vans where'd they grab them Portland oh not the p word I was thinking of Carmella it's Carmela we have moved on Mr Vice President sorry Alec 4 500 who is Carmella Harrison I'm sorry Mr Vice President it's Kamala you dimwit it's Kami law as in communist law which is what we're going to have if she becomes vice president and then president when this guy can't remember his last name or as I sometimes color sweet cheeks time for a pop quiz what does antifa stand for I take it for incontinence antifa that's the island where Kami lies from in the light of current civil unrest how will handle antifa I can't handle antifa I'm not supposed to touch any more women at all except Jill Jill said that anytime I can touch her antifa I kind of want one of those things president Grump what has the current Administration done correctly in regard to the kovid pandemic it's gone I tweeted it away it's not gone yes it is and baseball is back you're welcome America Mr Vice President what would you have done differently in regard to kovid where is this debate going to start I'm itching for a fight you know sometimes I just ditch when do you predict the covet pandemic will be over with Tuesday holy crap this country is toast how would you prevent future pandemics to you Mr Haydn thanks Oxnard it's Ahmed Ahmed hey you know that show where that kid went down oh my you should do that then blow something up what are you talking about I just want to go on record saying there is no pandemic this is a hoax it's just bad Sushi from China it's bad vagina Sushi why do you think the Chinese have all these sushi restaurants Sushi is Japanese you my friend are a racist see that that's how you do it you call him a racist and they got nowhere to go all right we need better masks that can prevent germs but at the same time can still allow you to sniff a pretty girl's hair from behind what is happening sorry I hope Jill didn't hear that one Jill is my wife you know she looks just like my sister I get it mixed up sometimes it's actually kind of ah whoa that was a big one well you're lucky I'm not gonna remember this starting to kind of like this guy next question how can you help prevent a peaceful protest from turning violent that's an easy one just send in the military and start shooting I got that from General Patton he was our second best president another question do you think male in voting can be fraudulent of course anyone can fill out a vote by mail including all the illegals that work in my hotels we need to delay the election until we fix that problem if you don't believe me just ask my BFF Putin I already mailed in my votes whole box of them it's going to be a landslide for parole yeehaw Pros running again Mr President how will you handle foreign policy I say you grab it you grab it by the policy do either of you think you're too old for the job of President I'm still young at heart and hair seriously I still act young some say like a baby and I still got all my male hormones I mean I know how hot my daughter is we all do am I right can you repeat the question in my good ear never mind next question how will you help those who lost their jobs in businesses during kovid you mean all the folks I fired from the White House you know when I was a kid me and cream corn used to have a paper out the lesson there is you gotta pull yourself up by your bootstraps and get back on that horse horse if elected I will make sure every American has bootstraps and a I mean he meant horse storm hey Bub did you know that the donut is the state bird of Manhattan do you have a plan to ensure that all Americans can afford health care no but I'm pushing for longer CVS receipts the three foot long ones are okay but I'm saying six feet will get me reelected what are you talking about well you may not get any money off your prescriptions but you'll get a buy one get one free on corn nuts if anyone messes with my medicare I will put a boot in their ass did I ever tell you about the time I killed a man with my dentures sunshine in one hand and dentures in the other Hoya what the hell is he talking about this country is very divided how will you bring all Americans together by keeping everyone separate Mr Vice President duct tape that holds everything together he's losing it and by the way I did not pick Kamala because she's black yes you did no it didn't yes she did I picked her because she was the most qualified candidate no you didn't I picked him because she's a woman there you go black and a woman what when I was a young boy growing up in Scottsdale Scranton you grew up in Scranton Scranton you sure sounds like something you take medicine for to get rid of hey Frank you don't look so good yeah you know that woman I was going out with she gave me Scranton and boy does it itch holy crap but when I was a young boy I used to say I want to be a strong black woman ah black man God black child young black child with a taste for Mexican food unicorn I want to be a damn unicorn hard you guys are not seriously after seeing all of this one idiot would want to be president a miracleberry there's one of my borders thanks for joining us everyone America you're screwed if I'm gonna run I need to pick a vice president hey does purple kill ER it did not fall down going up the steps I dropped my keys to the plane [Music] I remember all I know is it hurt like hell [Music] uh hello this is my press conference that they told me I was going to have but they also keep telling me I'm not supposed to answer any questions so I'll just read the teleprompter then go take my nap actually I'd like to take a nap now are we done a little sir we have questions you know you mean uh ones they haven't told me the answers to is this a trick no sir are the answers in the teleprompter no sir am I in the Twilight Zone what's happening here I'm more confused than usual sir can you please just answer some of our questions I don't think so I don't have that thing in my ear that tells me what to say sorry I swear all my questions are softballs can you make them multiple choice and no D all of the above that always throws me I wish I could get the vice president to help do this stuff but I forgotten what he looks like she what the vice president is a woman Mr President a woman vice president come on sugar you can't fool me woman vice president when's that going to happen not until the 21st century she's your vice president she is oh that's great is she hot does she look like my sister uh wife let me know when she shows up again I'll take a whiff yes where is she here oh you mean me I'm the president and don't you forget it Bob the questions oh sure let's go this is exciting they usually just whisk me away hang on is the thing in my ear so I can hear the answers we didn't know you had a thing in your ear oh all right it's just a hearing aid yep hearing aid good call Mr President what were your thoughts as you traveled across the globe I kept thinking are we there yet are we there yet how did you feel abroad oh well uh I didn't touch her no no tell us about your uh the G7 Summit I said that we faced new challenges you mean Russian and China no there were two flights of stairs and a stiff breeze holy moly Mr President my BFF Vladimir Putin said he does not remember you telling him he has no soul doesn't matter because by the time I finish this news conference I won't remember it either next this is exciting you know they usually just whisk me away are you angry that vice president Harris hasn't visited the U.S Mexico border who oh him no I'm angry my grandchildren haven't visited me president undocumented immigrants are reportedly simply strolling across the border can you comment on that uh uh strolling is like walking but slower and aimless I do that good for your cardiovascular or something or other oh would you please come in on last week's cringe-worthy interview by vice president Harris hey bub I saw the headline on MSNBC it said worthy interview you don't have to include all the words but vice president Harris hasn't been to the U.S Mexico border why is that I don't blame her it's too damn crowded she should just wait until the lines are shorter Mr President reportedly thousands of undocumented immigrants have been entering the U.S we're very popular if this country was a movie we'd be breaking box office records neither you or your vice president have visited the U.S Mexico border I also haven't visited Europe or the bathroom lately are we done yet do you have any plans to meet with the leader of Israel I'd be happy to meet with Moses the last time we met his bushes were on fire damnedest thing ever since you assigned vice president Harris to the Border we haven't heard a word from her really that's nuts if anyone would have wandered off I would have thought it would have been me Kamala is like a granddaughter to me she doesn't call she doesn't visit pulls away when I hug her too long what do you think about the current unemployment rate it's fallen and it can't get up Mr President since your wife is a doctor she is good for her so that's why she gives me my pills she's not a medical doctor Felder bar exam did she that college education was a waste of money no biggie she'll never have to pay back those loans yay for my plans next question you know Mr President a lot of us worked long and hard to pay back our college loans next question all on the Mexico border well sure I'd love to build a mall on the Mexico border the wall sure no one loves walking in a mall more than I do what do you think of press Corps request of daily briefs well sure great I have a different pair for every day of the week don't tell anyone but I actually have doubles of each in case you know of surprises oh what can you tell us about the first lady well her name was Eve and she enjoyed my hugs oh are you preparing for your meeting with the dreamers I'm gonna take a nap this is exciting you know usually you just whisked me away are you hoping for an investigation into the January 6th riot in the capital January January see that month is now caught somewhere between my long-term memory and my short-term memory so I actually have no idea what the you're talking about next Mr President how can we prevent another Wuhan I don't like rap music and I stay away from questions about the clan on a wider note people have noticed the groundskeepers doing a lot of work around the White House with new plants and flowers was this your idea hell no and is that who that is I keep going out on the balcony and yelling get the hell off my lawn next do you still wear a mask while in the White House yes but I'm not allowed to take it off except when I'm being fed by my caregiver Mr President which vaccine did you get Viagra keeps me up at night I get it keeps me up yes sir it does really that four hour thing is a lie took one right before I came out here shouldn't be kicking in any minute well here we go nope false alarm not yet wait there it is nope that was gas oh yeah yeah no no no damn and my sister president how much Bingo we have liftoff aborted that was fun didn't feel like four hours I need a cigarette well that's it for the questions I hadn't been whisked away but I think I probably should kill can I have my pills this was fun that guy is so smart it's me again creepy Uncle Joe why am I Whispering because it's an attention grabber it's like hugging someone without the touching part and getting in trouble so this is my new thing come closer I'll take you behind the wood shed come on man just wait till the leader of Russia hears me now he'll know I mean business when I wish for quietly tear down that wall Mr Gorbachev we built a better one even though I stopped construction when it was three-fourths done that's like building a fence across your backyard and then forgetting the sides anyway hey watch this hey have you had your vaccine get it now we have no other way of tracking you oh yeah in this we've been negotiating with tic tac aliens for decades the only thing they want is our Tic Tacs and our Tide Pods because they're good eating okay gotta run they're gonna find me hey Roosevelt had his Fireside Chats let's think this a regular thing too you know under the covers with Uncle Joe okay got it guys [Music] coming to you live from our Studios yes our beautiful studios in Afghan Atlanta and today I have a one-on-one interview with the greatest U.S president that the Middle East has ever known uh that the U.S has ever known President Joe Biden and we will be discussing his much appreciated Retreat withdrawal from Afghanistan hello Mr President nice to have you and thanks for all the weapons time thank you for your time hey has anyone found Kamala yet the last time I saw her Bush was still president Mr President you are Live Well of course I'm alive folks always say that to me but it's usually wow you're alive just booking the odds I guess and my mind is like an aluminum trap steel steel Trapper steel trap of course it is what's this guy name again one minute oh yeah hello Don Lemon or wait are you the Cuomo I need to get my eyes checked again no I am Ahmed Anderson Blitzer and I need some information I mean I have some questions for you yeah it's good to see you again my old friend Ahmed Anderson how's your wife one of the best smelling women's heads I've ever had a nose full of ah yeah even where the mask on it's like roses in a trash can what the hell hey where are you if I didn't know better I'd say you were in a military vehicle what oh no no it's definitely not the tank it's an armored news van yes but if it hypothetically were an abandoned tank could someone start it hypothetically of course I have no idea but if I told you I'd have to kill you kill I'd have to kill you it's kill what never mind well let's get on with this my time's almost up you have another interview no I mean my time on earth oh I'm not kidding the other night I dreamed I was Scrooge and when I got to the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come he was like uh no yeah I feel you bro I don't think anyone likes me anymore either sure they do yeah whoo well I do and my buddies in the talent uh dig a Knights movie what never mind why would anyone like me because you gave us all this cool stuff uh nothing no stuff what was all that just some stuff that we found on Etsy Etsy and eBay who's we you know me and the Isis selated news crew isolated news crew why are you isolated because one of us got coveted I had mild symptoms just a headache a cough and all my organs are gone sorry to hear that it's okay we're getting booster shots no no don't get the booster why not you said to I was kidding and Fati changed his mind again I think he did or wait Dr fauci you're now saying that the booster shots are not recommended uh yes well I mean no yes oh hang on oh um could you ask that question again please so regarding Afghanistan what do you say to your critics who say you pulled out too quickly I say that's what she said seriously level with me what's the truth about Afghanistan you want the truth I'll tell you what happened I'm tired of these people in my ear telling me what to say so here's the deal when dodo bird has flown The Coop dodo bird has flown The Coop initiate operation electric fence zap him well and the Republicans should have some chocolate chocolate chips hey Ark Anderson I was thinking about something you know what my favorite Rock album should be no what Nirvana Smells Like Teen Spirit I can't smell anything hey I could do that magic trick to you for real what magic trick got your nose hey you couldn't make an album cover like that Nirvana one today you know with that little baby's uh sir can we talk about the Taliban yes that little baby's Taliban was showing tallywacker what forget it hey I bet there's a video on YouTube on how to start that tank but it seems like nothing is working that's Trump's fault um sorry uh PTSD post-trump stress disorder on that thought many Americans like myself have been very worried that you left some expensive and deadly weapons behind in Afghanistan oh come on man I've been assured that all we left behind were some fax machines and an Atari I wish we still had pong what about the stuff like oh I don't know Humvees tanks anything armored for all those vehicles I made sure that the Taliban would not get a single phone call with an offer to extend the warranty so the joke's on them High freaking high no one will get a call to extend their car warranty nope not a one could you accomplish that for any of us here in the U.S not a chance in Hades those B words are Relentless oh I love this tank there's so many things in it so much to do look at all the buttons too oh look missiles oh bigger missiles hello kiss your huh oh look I think my packages have arrived wow so Mr President can you drive one of these well sure I can I used to drive an 18-wheeler and monster trucks and a dump truck then I was in the Navy and drove a tank but now my family took my car keys oh what was that oh nothing I'm just in the news man sounds like I need to have the muffler look there try Amco I like their ads with the beeps always fun to say that double a MCO isn't that great it's like we're bonding yes you're so clearly like a nice guy such a nice guy hey didn't get the present I said I said is this for me well sure buddy this is fantastic and I also got you a T-shirt oh I love this thank you thank you it goes well with the gun I left you it's just like the other 8 000 you left here ah but this one is special how is that it signifies the beginning of my new program get a shot get it good that oh what the hell [Laughter] that's right so instead of getting shot by a gun you get a gun with a shot and a genius right I may be on the other side of things but dude you are off your rocker I'm out of here thanks for the interview say hi to Kamala for me thank you okay and you're welcome glad someone knows I'm doing a great job what a great fella he is I'm glad you're still with me oh look I see Timmy I see Darren I see Tammy oh and I see Danielle Sheen Taste the rainbow zoom zoom [Music] I'm Ronald Grump and I approve this interview what no now now okay all right uh greetings uh uh United people of Earth the Americans the United States us uh I'm President Joe Biden and welcome to my first edition of our Fireside Chats where you send in questions and I answered them these are all real questions submitted by you maybe not like you you but you know the next guy next to you yeah they've either submitted at Jeff's live shows on the road when we were there or done online with the clicky thingy and the mouse thing so uh here we go so there's a teleprompter somewhere oh there it is it's right where I'm looking so it looks like I'm actually looking at you but I'm not I'm reading stuff I don't see you I see the words okay the first question is from Sarah Hudson Dear Mr President what techniques are you using to combat your memory challenges well I have a really great list of ways to keep your memory sharp and I'll read it to you just as soon as I remember where I put it Dear Mr President when's the last time you didn't get distracted by an ice cream truck well you son of a squirrel this is uh from Lance a cosplay cosplay King what the hell is I don't know what that is cosplay anyway Dear Mr President if a chicken sandwich has chicken wings would it be a wing sandwich you idiot Lance chickens don't fly so that means they don't have wings duh sheesh and that has the right to vote next from Star Wars Starla star railroaders to our star star I don't know anyway uh Dear Mr President hi I'm 50 and single how do I find the man of my dreams okay you're 50. yeah keep dreaming lady hang on she's 50 and single oh uh can I uh take a whiff yeah smells like my sister okay next question Leonardo Amaya Dear Mr President what's with the gas prices oh uh nothing to find the grains everything's good as the economy is zooming and we're all doing just just fine however uh if they are a little high that uh Russia's fault the Russia's Putin yeah Putin did that and a little Trump thrown in there too it's his fault yeah Robert G Dash you I don't know what that is Dear Mr President how have you been dealing with accidental leaks uh well it depends this is from stormy I love names that are also uh adjectives it's great okay Dear Mr President what do you think the White House should be called instead of the White House oh uh unfortunately it's now becoming a graduated Care Facility but I'm fine seriously just fine I lose my way now and then but that's what the guard rails are for teacher mad has a question all right Dear Mr President could you pass a standardized test ah come on it's been years since I've had VD from Brandy with to ease Brandy Dear Mr President would you rather burn or drown oh I think Hillary's had folks eliminated both ways [Applause] [Music] from Sarah Dear Mr President who smells the best oh the easiest Nancy she smells like mothballs unless she's recently hugged her husband and then she smells like scotch and other women from Ethan thank you Ethan Dear Mr President at what point in your life did you decide you were going to spend the rest of it with another man's hand inside you oh I guess when Obama first put me on his knee well that's our first edition of Fireside shots I think that went well didn't you no do you ever work here I don't know told Cuomo once I told him a thousand times sniff don't touch what why are you pointing at me I didn't do it I'm on I'm on what oh oh I'm on right good afternoon morning evening I don't know Trump sucks vote for me Joe your next president president you're already president I am I am I am I knew that uh welcome to my news conference and Welcome to our esteem press course they're all here wow what a turnout wow look how giant that text is okay here we go uh my fellow Americans I know many of you I you have questions recording regarding our most concerning issues like is kovid a thing is the job market stable or is it a born exactly also is Britney still hot or what please remember only one question at a time or uh you get confused well or you might have a stroke no yes wait that's too many questions wasn't it just one at a time twice what that's three come on man this is gonna be more fun than I thought yeah we should have some popcorn okay first question hey don't I know you from somewhere nope nope no you know you look a lot like Donald Trump shut your kofifi whatever but you should have worn a disguise hmm not a bad idea anyone uh sir I have a question and who are you Bubba J from the trailer park Tribune and beer daily I didn't know beer daily was a publication oh it's not my bed beer daily is my hobby but my question your majesty is even though many of us have been getting stimulated by you you have I swear I didn't touch anyone that was Cuomo no stimulated by you with your stimulus checks will you be stimulating us again with more checks and when I say us I mean me Bubba J hey man I like smelling a gal's neck but sometimes life throws your lemons next and who are you I am Don Lemon that is how you pronounce it right lemon lemon who the hell cares well you know what they say when life throws you lemons make Dawn lemonade so was that a yes to my check question if checks and open borders will make you vote for me then bring me my pen this guy is good Mr king of the world I understand your wife went to the Olympics she did what sport did she play I'm next um I have a question and you are Rachel Maddow MSNBC oh wait uh Rachel Maddow MSNBC ah Rachel good to have you here man what's your question I heard the great president Grump is being reinstated back into office soon how are you going to handle your shame after stealing the election hmm look dude that Grump has a screw loose he needs to face facts and the facts are he lost the election and he was never president wait yes I was I mean I mean he was and I I didn't he he didn't next question how about my old friend from the daily beer hey I heard you signed an executive order to wipe out student debt but you won't sign anything to wipe out my bar tab isn't that a little up you can't say well one time you said yeah that was great wasn't it I miss Billy Bush he got hosed Excuse me yes your Excellency next question uh who are you opinionated celebrity and political expert Joy Behar yes Miss Behar my question is how do we combat rigged elections in voter fraud like we had last time by making sure everyone gets to vote including those folks who are dead it's not their fault they're dead and they should still have a say and like I always said even six feet underground their votes will keep me crowned oh our president can even rap I love this guy so much I see we still have more questions out there let's go with someone we haven't heard from uh you hi I'm Chris Cuomo you may have heard of me or my brother oh no not him nor not him I I am an only child always been an only child yes hey your brother just quit he used to be like Teflon no he's more like aluminum siding it's a good one okay who are you again oh I meant Geraldo Fox News good to have you Geraldo and by the way I don't care what team you play on in Biden's America you can be whoever you want I'm the president but sometimes I'm little old lady who lived in his shoe who had so many children I didn't know what to do does that answer your question I didn't ask one I got a question I think some folks are still confused on when to wear masks so can you clear that one up for us hey good luck with this if you've had the vaccine then you're protected but you should still wear a mask indoors but I'm protected yes but you could still get it then why did I get the vaccine to protect everyone else but I can still spread covid after having the vaccine that's right but I can't get sick no no you can still catch covid then why did I get the vaccine to reduce the symptoms so I won't die no comment but I thought that's why I got the shot exactly so the vaccine isn't working then oh no it works great just be sure to wear a mask or three because the virus can mutate but the vaccine stops the virus from mutating definitely not I'm confused that's what we're looking for Kamala you taking notes cause that's how it's done though can I ask another question I think you're a republican sympathizer so no next hey over here Sean Hannity Fox News and you are getting sleepy I have a question what's going on at the border I haven't a clue hold on someone is speaking in my ear thingy gotcha oh everything going just great we replaced the wall with a giant slip and slide so folks can just slide right into our great country bringing water with them man a little covid but don't drink the water it'll make you sick okay next cool pick me pick me I didn't know there were going to be so many reporters here good evening Walter Cronkite Cronkite aren't you too old to be working seriously oh right hey I guess I didn't think that were through Mr President just what does Kamala Harris do what does she do a lot such as you kidding me what does she do well uh she's the first female the first female well that's big the first 50 50 Race vice president in our history so that's what she does I mean am I right Walter Cronkite well you know a lot of folks watching this video won't get that reference so what vote Grump in 2024 there are some reporters who haven't had a chance uh how about you Craig Gutfeld the Greg Gutfeld show now that we've pulled out of Afghanistan for good looks like the Taliban is back in the hood I'm not a fan of pulling out yikes next oh hi I have a question I'm a Chelsea Handler thanks for the wig yes Miss Handler what can I do for you uh when you give a speech on your Joe Pro 2020 is it always the first time you're seeing your speech the thing in my ear is screaming no but yeah it's always new to me heck most of the time I'll learn a bunch of stuff I've never heard about when I give a speech okay oh okay the next Heidi hi Laura Ingram from Fox News my question is why is the Great Donald Grump always being targeted for witch hunts by the lib turds I mean Democrats hey I'll make you a deal let me sniff your hair and I'll see what I can do to ease up on him really okay you can sniff my hair I think this press conference is over ah hints of Oak and kitten blanket uh yeah you can keep that little shoe horn in there hey hang on this for my nap well good press conference thank you all for coming let's try to leave in an orderly fashion God bless the United States of America and Mexico our new state oh he's not an Autobot he's a Decepticon oh [Music] that reminds me we forgot to ask them about Rising gas prices so sad him no that I'm the smartest one here [Music] hello fellow Americans and also anyone else around the world watching it's uh President Biden me I'm president of the United States and uh welcome to my uh Fireside Chats this is another episode of how many of these have we done there's been a bunch of them or is it second one is number two Fireside shots number two okay all right all right so I'm reading them off the teleprompter you send them in via email and Telegraph and uh Morse code and some of them it Jeff Dunham's shows and you sent them in so here we go this is from Jackie B uh dear President Biden what are you going to do about inflation well that's easy I'm gonna vote Republican wait hey that was a trick question she tricked me though you got me well I'm really hoping I didn't answer that out loud did I okay from monsterman 37 oh I like that later monster man uh President Biden are China's nuclear weapons a true threat to the United States well first of all China doesn't have any nuclear weapon sure they they do or they do well I I'm not the they're not gonna work I mean hell they're made in China so if they do work well they'll work only once from gonna need a bigger boat oh I get it yeah he's a Star Wars fan okay dear President Biden what is a woman oh um uh that always is a tough question nowadays I would I would say this women are just like men but um you can pay them less ask my vice president if she doesn't get crap here's one from Barbara Reynolds thank you Barbara dear president Barton are you running in 2024 why not I ran in 1924 all right from Jonathan Esh President Biden what are your thoughts about prosecutors that are shocked on crime well you know uh if I'm soft on anything I take that little blue pill I can even make it rhyme Here Comes Jill I need the pill [Music] from Quentin President Biden what is on Hunter's laptop well usually it's a blonde from girl mirror or no Del Taco I think that's a fake name President Biden a Google programmer said that artificial intelligence is now sentient is that true well uh I don't know I had to Google what sentient means then I had to Google what Google means so in conclusion I think that some machines are self-aware and smarter than us I mean a lot of the time I get outsmarted by my garage door opener and hell my Administration just nominated my Roomba as Secretary of the Interior brush DT President Biden did you hear that Hillary is coming for you in 2024 well that explains the text I got from Bill it said better you than me and I think it's great that Caitlyn is way hotter than her from stanky s all right stanky President Biden are you going to run in 2024 I know I'm going to shuffle from Shelly sistrin all right Shelly dear President Biden are you now going to ban bicycles since apparently they're so dangerous to you oh really you think that's funny I don't think that's funny at all I'm sick and tired of this stupid question because you know well thanks for joining me for another episode of the Fireside Chats uh and uh this is what I'm supposed to tell you to click the buttons wherever the hell they are to like subscribe and uh where's the other one Matt share share oh yeah share share stuff yeah do that okay so uh have my ratings gone up any folks liking me a lot better now right I'm doing no still don't like reading okay I'm trying [Music] what year is this good evening Mr President hello Jerry Jeff Jeff we're happy to have you here uh thanks a lot yeah it's great to be here yeah and I must say sir you look really good thank you and yes that's all that really matters Jack Jeff Jeff well you should look good but you also have to do a good job running the country oh of course that that's as easy as riding a bike [Applause] and as president did you know that I had done the impossible no sir what did you do I fell up a flight of the stairs three times in 10 seconds first Senator to either do that president president [Applause] I think my son Hunter wants me to give up cycling for skiing really yeah he keeps saying the powder is great [Applause] all right sure that kid is the smartest man I know really yeah which tells you one thing what's that I know a lot of dumbasses you know I didn't see your motorcade driving here tonight nope why not uh the price of gasoline have you seen it yeah someone should do something that's yours you know a lot of folks are wondering why we don't just produce the oil that's already in the United States what you can do that aren't you familiar with our country's oil production yeah it's fallen and it can't get up Walter I want to pause here just for a minute what you you realize you're you're not really the president yes I am no you're not come on everybody says I look just like him yeah and somebody else is always telling me what to say foreign [Applause] it's your president President Joe Biden here for my next edition of the Fireside Chats where we announce the winner of the tickets and airplane fair and hotels to the taping of Jeff's next Comedy Central special that'll be at the very end of these questions and I hope you like my new set here I was inspired by uh Satan or something looks great and by the way these questions are all real these questions were all sent in by you uh either at just shows or here on the internet thing so uh yeah thanks for doing that so here we go let's get started question from Dustin comb two comb two whatever that is Dear Mr President how many crack pipes will Hunter get from you well as many as he wants I'm just glad he doesn't eat Tide Pods anymore from Rose and Jack Daniel oh really is that his name my daddy okay here we go Dear Mr President how is the world treating you how's the vice president how did the White House get its name okay this question is three questions but that's okay I can multitask for example right now I'm trying to answer all three questions stay awake and hold my bladder okay what was the question again from Captain credit Dear Mr President under what circumstances would you consider fathering a child with Kamala Harris you mean again wait what from share pero dear El Presidente oh oh an Irish person here do you think our next President should be a gay trans woman that is six foot five and plays for uswfl are you kidding next president she needs to be teaching our kids now from Wiz warto uh Dear Mr Potato Head Is it true you have the IQ of paint I know a question from Trump when I see it that guy everyone knows Mr Potato Head can't paint next question from Earls angles 55. Dear Mr President since you continue to sell out the U.S do you shop at Trader Joe's hey if that question wasn't so insulting it would be funny no it's still funny Trader Joe's I love that I want that license plate from Lillian butcher all right Dear Mr President can you define a quote woman in quote well I'm no doctor but I know one would I smell one oh well folks as you may know this has been an ongoing contest to find the best question to win tickets to the taping of Jeff's next Comedy Central special and we have a winner her name is Michelle what is it Matt oh Michelle Allen and here's her question that she sent in as videotape so let's go to that where's over there I don't know here it is hi I'm Michelle from Vermont President Biden what is the scariest Room in the White House all right Michelle what's the scariest Room in the White House that's a great question well I I would have to say oh any room I take a nap in you know why do you know how many times I've nodded off and they start the funeral arrangements you bastards I'm not dead yet I just look like it [Music] well there you go Walter that was fun I don't think so I slept the whole time no you didn't whatever so if you liked the video Hit subscribe yeah there's a lot in here somewhere up down no one knows and you better hit subscribe why otherwise it might be stuck with me playing Biden for four more years oh holy crap I'm okay it's all good right yeah sorry about that [Music]

Channel: Jeff Dunham

Views: 1,791,674

Keywords: jeff dunham, president, joe biden, press conference, donald trump, tucker carlson, Vice President, kamala harris, fox news, joe hiden, ben hiden, 2020 election prediction, 2020 presidential election, achmed, america's got talent, bernie sanders, bubba j, comedy, comedy central, commercial, controlled chaos, debate, election, funny, hiden, hilarious, netflix, peanut, presidential election, presidential race, saturday night live, snl, stand-up, trump, trump vs biden, vote, Walter, Border, 2021

Id: HXZLWWpsfb0

Length: 59min 35sec (3575 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 09 2023