Sister Demands I Give Back MY House I Bought From Her Years Ago Bc She's Struggling Financially

how do you deal with toxic brothers and sisters i 32 female and sister 35 inherited this apartment from our grandmother we owned it 50 50. it wasn't in a very nice part of town a bit run down when i was 28 my sister ran into a bit of financial trouble i helped her as much as i could but it just wasn't feasible for me to keep giving her cash in the long term her credit was shot so she couldn't get a loan either i ended up buying out her share of the apartment at market rate i got the apartment and her financial troubles were eased in the past four years the neighborhood has gone through a lot of changes increased government funding better schools etc has made crime go down and driven property prices up so the value of the apartment has risen substantially compared to when i bought her out this has created a lot of conflict in our relationship she wants me to a either pay her the difference between what i paid her for the apartment back then and its value now or b let her buy back 50 but at the price i bought her out four years ago or c pay her half of the rent i get from tenants i refused i don't want to go through that again due to global situation the government is paying me my rent so that tenants don't have to pay and landlords can continue to pay their mortgages we've been bickering back and forth over it and it's honestly very exhausting you are not wrong ask her if the value of the property had gone down if she would have refunded you the portion you lost wow that's a good point and i hope opie brings this up with her sister also even if it had remained at the same value i bet op's sister wouldn't be willing to refund her for property maintenance costs taxes labor etc that opie put into the apartment not sure if it's relevant to the story but my sister is 32 and i am 29. me and my sister are very different people and despite the fact that we love each other we never got along all that well part of that is largely because of our different roots in life i think when i was a kid my sister got pregnant got kicked out by her parents and i didn't see her much for a long time after that when i moved out at 18 and started going to college contact between my sis and i became more regular she had two kids at this point both from the same guy but he had walked out on them a year prior she wasn't doing well psychologically or financially skipping way ahead i since graduated got a great job and have been working my way up the ladder since that is to say since i do not have kids yet i have way too much disposable income as a result i decided to arrange for a three-week dream vacation for me and my sister as into a location she'd been talking about since we were children my girlfriend was fine with us going our parents were gonna watch her kids i made sure to arrange everything before even inviting her and deciding on a final date as she had to get off work when i told her she was excited beyond belief she even cried we agreed on a date to leave and return problems started a few weeks after when i found out she had invited two of her friends they were to pay for their own tickets but stay in our hotel rooms so i asked her about it and she told me about it i immediately shot it down i had no interest in spending three weeks as a fourth wheel and i was also not gonna share my room with a random female friend of hers we had a massive argument since apparently they had already ordered their plane tickets again i told her no this turned into a larger fight about me apparently never doing anything for her since apparently i'm supposed to use my money to make her life easier and to make a long story short we started yelling and i disinvited her at the end of the call afterwards she tried to guilt me in just paying for the vacation for her and a friend of hers i declined when that didn't work she started apologizing i told her to fly off again to make it short me and my girlfriend had an amazing vacation my relationship with my sister is pretty much over though was i the idiot here should i have given ground not the idiot your sister took too much for granted it's like she saw it as a gift to her when really it was a vacation for the both of you but you and the girlfriend had fun so don't worry about that also for clarity are you a girl if you're not that makes it a touch stranger your sister just inviting girls to sleep in your room while you're in a relationship is a weird one no i am a guy that is why i absolutely refuse to even consider it i mean awkwardness at least from my side to side my girlfriend would have a major issue with that obviously my youngest sister 25 has severe body dysmorphic disorder and depression she's been in therapy for years over her body image issues it's only gotten worse over the years she had a baby last year and her depression also intensified possible postpartum anyways a lot has happened over the past few weeks my sister has decided apparently with therapist support that she will get rhinoplasty and breast lift procedures to deal with her two biggest insecurities nose and chest as a final targeted solution i was really surprised this is an official recommendation because i've rarely heard of plastic surgery being a remedy to bdd but my whole family supports it so the two surgeries together will cost around seventeen thousand not covered by insurance my parents plan to contribute ten thousand and my brother and i are expected to contribute much of the remaining seven thousand my sister has little in the way of savings because she's a single mother with a young child my family sees this as all of us coming together to rescue her because she just keeps getting worse and this is the first real solution we've been able to arrive at i just feel kind of ambivalent and i've been feeling really guilty about it my whole family is also getting more and more upset at me for dragging my feet three to four thousand is still a lot of money for me at this time since my fiance and i are planning a wedding next year but on the other hand i know my sister's issues are more than superficial and these procedures could really really improve her quality of life and mental health by a lot i also don't know where she'd be able to come up with the difference if i refuse am i the idiot for having second thoughts and potentially backing out my fiance says she's fine either way i choose since it's my sister and my savings but i would also feel really guilty not giving her dream wedding as a result of this i just feel crap all around [Music] not the idiot at all it saddens me that she found a therapist who had all supports this route bdd is a psychiatric and psychological disorder that cannot be cured by physical changes the vast majority of these patients go on to not be satisfied with their surgery outcomes find and blame new areas of dissatisfaction and continue the cycle from this description your sister likely needs more intensive therapy and possibly medication for both her bdd and depression absolutely not wrong top comment addressed everything from a therapeutic standpoint and it's fantastic but i cannot for the life of me figure out why you were expected to pay for this she wants cosmetic surgery to fix a psychological problem and because she's a single mom that somehow means you are roped into paying for it if you have the funds i'd offer to contribute them to a good therapist instead to address her underlying issue if not then tell them it's simply not your responsibility so i 25 male have a much older half sister lisa who's 48 and from my deceased father's first marriage as you can imagine my father was substantially older than me himself and if he was alive he would be 71. anyway my mom 51 always included lisa despite the fact there's only three years between them they developed a bond and a friendship and greatly supported each other when my dad died lisa always wanted children but for whatever reason it never happened there were times when i was younger that she acted like a mom to me it got weird at points and my mom and dad had to remind her she was my sister not my mom it hurt her but she did back off and we developed a close relationship through the years lisa did try to have children but she never had any luck dating-wise she attempted the donor route and that failed she even tried adoption it just never seemed to work out my heart really went out to her and when she hit her 40s it appeared she accepted it wasn't meant to be a few months ago lisa was having dinner with my mom and i and seemed over the moon about something we thought she'd finally had some luck dating someone she said she'd been involved with someone casually but the announcement was that she was pregnant she said it was a miracle at her age as she was close to starting menopause and i saw how happy she was and wished her well she then revealed the dad wasn't interested but seemed unfazed by it here's what the problems are lisa is now six months pregnant and in a different situation than she was in her early pregnancy she no longer has a job as her company went bankrupt due to global situation she received a small settlement payment but wasted all the money on a new car she then couldn't afford her rent and got kicked out she's now living in my mom's spare room rent-free while my mom buys her essential supplies lisa receives unemployment benefit but keeps blowing the money and hasn't thought about the baby lisa came to me in tears with the realization she can't pay for the baby she revealed she wanted my mom to pay and she flat out refused i told lisa it's not her job to pay for a kid that isn't related to her lisa then asked me for help she wants me to upon the baby's birth enter an open adoption she said it means on paper i'd be the parent but that she could still see the child and i'd be responsible for the kid in all aspects especially financially she basically wants to be a parent without any of the responsibility i said no i do not want to be responsible for a kid and i said to her it's not my fault she got pregnant and her life circumstances changed and she keeps wasting money i said if she really can't afford the baby the best thing she could do is give it to people who both can look after it and actually want it she retaliated and says i'm an idiot for accusing her of not being able to be a mom she basically says me and my mom are forcing her to give up her child but we're just trying to make her face up to reality jesus what a crap show you are not wrong i'm amazed that at her age this woman hasn't learned basic financial responsibility losing her job isn't her fault but that she keeps blowing her money even when expecting a baby is a big old red flag and then she takes it another hundred steps further by demanding you take on all the responsibilities of raising her kid that she wanted so desperately and presumably she's going to be like a cool aunt who's going to pop in and out when she feels like it what an awful woman i think it's time you and your mom cut the cord and make her sort her own life out and if she can't be a mother herself she needs to go through the proper channels and have the baby adopted an open adoption is a possibility but she needs to get it through her thick skull that she can't have it both ways she can't live a fun responsibility free life and also have a child both me 24 female and my sister 28 have inherited the same disorder from our father we didn't get it very severely we have a 50 50 chance of passing it on to any biological children we may have only requires one parent to pass it on to future kids we've had family members who inherited it so severely they passed away young while others have lived long lives she's pregnant now and is very happy she's always wanted kids of her own we were talking about the baby and she asks me when and if i want kids i said yes i do want kids but i would most likely adopt she asks why now this is where i probably went wrong i was confused and i replied i don't want to take the risk she looks offended i point out to her we've discussed this topic before and my stance on this has always remained the same she starts to get mad yeah when you were like 20 i thought you would have matured by that there's nothing wrong with someone wanting biological kids grow up i'm just staring at her at this point i never said that there was anything wrong with someone wanting biokids i just don't want any of my own yeah that didn't go over well at all sister's angry since her kid also runs the risk and she says then what are you trying to say i'm a bad person for wanting to take the chance that my kid won't get our disorder um no i'm trying to say that i don't want bio kids that has nothing to do with you i'm not going to judge you for wanting bio children so stop reading into my reasons for not wanting them she leaves still angry i'm torn some people say she shouldn't have pushed or gotten offended when i answered honestly especially since we've had this conversation before others say that i should have just lied to her and that she's taking out her anger on me because of pregnancy hormones and i was insensitive or something yeah the sister is not soul-searching or working through her fears or the whys behind her personal decisions she's trying to offload that onto opie and blame her for the way she's feeling emotionally mature people do this all the time now instead of facing her own fears or making peace with her decision she's ignoring her own emotional struggles and instead blaming op's decision on why she feels the way she does she needed someone to lash out at to distract her from her own issues so she set up the perfect trap for op i am currently working remotely and also part-time i have two older sisters names changed kim and chloe kim has two children and chloe has one child kim is a single mom of two children both are pretty self-sufficient and not too hard to take care of chloe is married and her child is little has aspergers and a lot of food allergies both kim and chloe have to go back to work but their children's schools are not reopening for the fall semester kim asked me if i would be willing to watch her two children during the day after she goes back to work this doesn't present a huge obstacle for me because i have a large office space in my home where i can add two additional small desks and easily help the two of them with technical issues etc while still being able to do my work they're also old enough and self-reliant enough to prepare simple lunches for themselves like sandwiches or quesadillas basically kim's kids don't present very many obstacles for me chloe's child on the other hand is a bit of a handful she throws tantrums it's hard to get her to sit down and focus and because of her sensory issues will only eat certain foods and they need to be prepared in certain ways she also is too little to set up her own lunch when chloe found out i was watching kim's children she asked me if i could watch her kid i told her that i couldn't because i'm not equipped to handle a child who needs so much extra attention while i'm also trying to work she said she felt hurt and rejected like i was discriminating against her child because she has aspergers i felt like she was being a little harsh and i tried to explain it's not because she has aspergers but it's because the symptoms of it will make it almost impossible for me to get my work done she tried to argue with me and say that i just need to be more patient with her anyways chloe called her mother and now they're flaming mad at me and saying i have prejudice against special needs kids edit i don't think my mother and sister recognize how hard my niece is to deal with because they are used to her and both were special education teachers at one point but for me she's really difficult you are not wrong they are trying to emotionally manipulate you don't give in to it if your sister and mom don't recognize that the asperger's child requires extra attention they are in denial big time it's not that you don't like her it's that you can't care for her but also get your work done if they can't understand that screw them okay so i female just started my senior year of high school generally a big year for me you know all the schools in my district have the option of either being online schooled for free or going into school also for free originally my parents were gonna homeschool my siblings younger brother and younger sister and send me to school with it being my senior year and all they didn't want me to miss out i was so excited my friends and i were going to take super obnoxious senior scn pictures and take pictures and matching masks for the first day of school one day i'm out with my friends we went out to the park and were socially distant and i come home and my sister has locked herself in her room and is hysterical her backstory my sister is the middle child and has always been the center of attention and keeps my parents wrapped around her finger i asked my brother what happened and he explains that she's furious due to the fact that i get to go to school and she doesn't and it was basically a screaming match the entire time i was gone the next day my parents out of nowhere decided that they want to online school me they didn't give me any reason other than it's just the best option for us as a family no one in our family is high risk and we don't really interact with the older members of our family due to most of them living hours away so i am forced to give up my senior year with friends and my final year of marching band my mom last night finally confessed to me that my sister is the reason for all this they would rather pull me out of school and extracurricular than deal with my sister's meltdowns but here's the cherry on top my mom doesn't want me bringing this up to my sister at all because she doesn't want it to hurt her feelings or make her feel like i hate her i've been online school before it destroyed my mental health it wrecked my grades and destroyed some of my friendships and she knows this and on top of all this she's treated me like crap for the past month and is repeatedly making me feel terrible about myself so would i be the idiot if i brought it up to her or am i the idiot for being upset about this whole situation not the idiot your mom is prioritizing your sister's feelings over yours she should get your sister into therapy instead of acting like your feelings don't matter your sister needs to realize that the world doesn't revolve around her and your mom isn't helping at all agree except i think mom is prioritizing her own feelings not sisters mom said herself that she didn't want to deal with sister's [Music] tantrums

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit house, reddit property, reddit sister money, reddit share inheritance, reddit grandma inheritance, reddit sister demands my house, reddit family house

Id: TrleVaCByEA

Length: 19min 36sec (1176 seconds)

Published: Sun Mar 07 2021