I'm A Third Wheel In My Marriage Because Husband & His Best Friend Made Me MOVE OUT From My House

redditors who are in no contact with their former best friend for life what happened my husband and i just got into another fight because his best friend who comes over every wednesday is again staying the night my husband and this friend have had a wednesday night date where the guy comes over to our house to jam every week for the last two years and i'm getting to the point that i want to hit the guy over the head with whatever is closest at hand every time he is around at first he was supposed to come over for just a few hours on wednesday nights to play guitar with my husband while i was at work over time i have stopped working late wednesdays but the jam session continues which was fine however for the last year they have barely touched the guitars now that he is always high here he never leaves at the end of the night just expects to sleep over but he doesn't have a regular sleep schedule so instead of sleeping while we are here he is wandering around our house all night in his boxers making noises watching tv getting non-stop text alerts from other friends and act this always wakes me up and i have to pass by him on the way to the bathroom at these points he always has demands like i want to watch this random movie your husband said you had find it for me or you need to change your litter box right now because your cat just pooped and i can't stand the smell he always says he'll leave when my husband goes to work at 8 am but then complains that he couldn't sleep until 6am so he ends up sleeping in until midday at which point he just decides to stay until my husband gets home from work and then the whole thing starts over again what's supposed to be one night a week often turns into at least two every week on top of never leaving he has started showing up hours before my husband gets off work on wednesdays my husband has told him my home is your home so he just comes right in this wouldn't be a problem if he could self-entertain but no he comes in and we'll just walk into our bedroom where i'm hiding sit down on the bed take a hit of his crap and start talking to me through whatever i'm doing slash watching on tv every time he is here he eats a lot of our food gets the munchies plus regular meals but never once has had the courtesy to bring anything of his own or to share or to replace what he's eating here he just goes into our fridge and pantry and eats whatever he wants because my husband told him our home was his my husband is always begging me to be nice and not say anything while he is here because he is lonely and needs friends except he has his other best friend living with him and is constantly going on weekend trips all over the country to visit his other friends not to mention those non-stop text message alerts all night dealing with this guy is like hanging out with a spoiled brat non-stop he farts and burps as loud as possible whenever whenever is demanding and needy but completely rude at the same time saying things like dude you actually made your house look sorta nice this week as i was prepping for christmas and so do you sometimes make an effort on your looks when i had gone somewhere nice and come home with makeup on he also complains non-stop about the food i make yet eats it all anyway this year for my birthday we couldn't afford to get any gifts so i asked my husband instead to line up his days off so we could spend 4 days just us together then this guy broke up with his girlfriend and my husband begged me to let him come over just for a bit on the first evening cue two full weeks of him not going home and demanding all of my husband's time i spent our time and my birthday holed up in our room alone then christmas comes i had invited my whole family to our house and tried to make things extra special because it was the first time i got to see my parents on christmas in more than 10 years this guy's mom had just moved to another state but this guy has plenty of money and no job to work around so he could have easily made the trip to her for christmas but he didn't then his other friend housemate also went out of town and he threw a woe as me i'm all alone one christmas eve no one loves me tantrum until my husband invited him to our house he shows up and is a complete idiot to everyone then throws a fit when he decides to sleep over because he has to sleep on the couch in a sleeping bag my family were in the other beds the next morning we sit down to breakfast and he lets out this huge stinky fart right at the table like it's nothing then proceeds to dish himself up 90 of the food and just generally be a piece of crap my family was flat-out disgusted by him and his behavior and couldn't wait to leave he stayed for three days i feel like an idiot hole because he is my husband's best friend and i don't want to make them not hang out and honestly he hasn't done anything truly terrible he's just annoying i dread every wednesday and then i'm super irritated the whole time he's here which i hide from him at my husband's request but then my husband and i always end up fighting over him not leaving at the end of the night i'm honestly one or two wednesdays away from homicide with this guy and all i've told you is just the tip of the iceberg if you've made it this far please tell me am i the idiot for being upset at my husband for letting this guy stay over again tonight and wanting a substantial break from his best friend my friend invited my husband and me to a 40th birthday party for her husband the party was going to be at a fairly upscale restaurant with dancing afterwards we've been working on some remodeling projects so we've been on a strict budget my husband and i wanted to attend the party without breaking the bank so we decided to share an appetizer and entree and only have one drink a piece when we got to the party we were ushered into a private party room when we were seated we were given pre-planned menus with several options for appetizers entrees and desserts i asked a passing waiter if i could order a la carte instead of getting the pre-planned menu the waiter indicated that the meal was being paid for by the hosts and because we were part of the party we needed to order from the pre-planned menu my friend is a bit wealthier than we are and has always been really generous about their parties but i was blown away that they would host 15 plus people at this restaurant as the meal was ending the main server approached my friend's husband with the check my friend's husband seemed to be a little upset and said i know this isn't how you normally do things but we are only paying for the wine we told you that i suddenly started panicking inside i was trying to catch someone else's eye to see if they were panicking as much as i was one other couple looked horrified but everyone else seemed calm i opened the check and the total was 211 dollars i thought i was going to throw up i have never spent that much on a meal i held my crap together because i didn't want to make a scene the couple that looked horrified saddled over to us and we asked if they knew how much it was going to cost and that our friend wasn't paying they said they had asked the waiter too and he had indicated the hosts were paying i ended up messaging her and said thanks so much for inviting us to the party we had a great time just a heads up for next time we really need to know if the party is going to cost more than a hundred dollars we are on a really tight budget so a heads up would be appreciated thanks again my friend said sorry should have given you a heads up glad you came and we haven't spoken or hung out since i've tried to set up coffee dates and girls nights but she just bails or never responds it's been almost three months and she doesn't seem to want to talk to me at all so i met a girl who i swore was the one at the time she was the first girl i ever dated that i had an actual real relationship with i was young and very naive she was the first girl i ever said i love you to and i thought that meant it was a forever deal things were awesome for a couple of years then she started a second job at a liquor store to make some extra money so that she could afford to buy a car and start thinking about moving out of her mom's place admirable i thought i totally supported her on that one i was still living at home with my mom and the construction job i worked at definitely didn't pay enough to move out and afford a car with her working two jobs though we could definitely afford a place of our own after a few months of working this liquor store job and one robbery that a guy punched her in the head she started acting different i chalked it up to the robbery incident that messed her up a bit it didn't ring any massive alarms but she had bought a car and started giving one of her male co-workers rides home after her shift was over i thought nothing of it it was what it was i found out from not only her co-workers but her best friend that she had been cheating on me with this guy once they left work when i confronted her about it she cried and denied it i was in love i believed her i just thought it was jealous rumors a friend of mine brought up going to mexico for a trip with the guys i had never been on a plane before let alone been out of canada so i was all over that i had a bit of money saved up from work so four of us went without my girlfriend while in mexico i cheated i feel so bad about it to this day but back then 15 years ago i guess i was just trying to get back at her when i got back to canada i felt so guilty that i went to a jewelry store and bought an engagement ring so stupid yes i chandler banged it she said yes and life was all good again we were engaged for a year and a half she was still living with her mom i was still living with mine during this time she broke up with me four times over the dumbest stuff she came over to my place once and her clothes weren't dry from when i had put them in the wash close but not quite she opened up the dryer grabbed her clothes and stormed out she dumped me when she got home that was the first time i was crushed it happened a couple of times after that but they weren't that serious i wasn't worried things went okay after those three times the final time we broke up i was out of town on a business training course i called her from my hotel on valentine's day asking how she wanted to celebrate we need to talk that's how she started every breakup by this point i was done she said she didn't know if this is what she wanted with her life yadda yadda i agreed i didn't want a girl who was going to break up with me every time she was upset i told her to come over when i got back bring me the ring and i'll give her whatever she left at my mom's place simple yes not so much this is where she goes stupid she shows up to my mom's house with her mom in tow she gives me the ring i hand her some clothes she left some shampoo and a copy of the notebook on dvd that i paid for but didn't want she looked confused i asked her what the problem was she looked me right in the face and said shouldn't i get more i thought i misheard her i asked her what she meant well we were engaged so i should get more stuff i'm entitled to half right i burst out laughing not even kidding as heartbroken as i knew i was going to be over the next little while that was the moment that i had zero love or respect for her we talked for a bit with her mom nobody else was home at my house who also thought that she was entitled to more than her belongings after about five minutes of them pointing at things in my mom's house and saying they want it i kicked them out my last words to her as she stood by the front step looking like she wanted to fix things was bye good luck you're gonna need it both of you bullet successfully dodged wow to this day that still floors me how do you think you deserve my mom's belongings especially when we don't even live together two years ago a good friend of mine lost her daughter at around 18 weeks it was a terrible time for her and it broke her a bit she chose to deal with it by starting an instagram where she documents her loss and for a while that helped she started to refer to her as having been born sleeping which is baffling to me i believe that you shouldn't sugarcoat grief death but i figured that whatever gets her through the next year was fine and i did my best to be supportive since then it's become her identity she always talks about it her journey and her angel baby in heaven hardly anything else she even threw a birthday party twice for her daughter with a cake and candles the first one i understood but with the second one felt ghoulish i've experienced pregnancy laws one at 14 weeks another fairly early on myself and while it sucked it was no great cataclysm and i got over it rather quickly i understand not everyone is like this and that everyone heals on their own timeline but i think that something is very wrong her house has turned into a shrine for her daughter her hospital pictures are everywhere and her nursery remains untouched i would totally just let it go as harmless eccentricity except for the fact that she has a five-year-old son he's such a great kid but it's become clear that he is less of a priority to her than her grief he appears on her social media but never is like just her son it's always as her brother being graveside holding the body in the hospital posed next to a bigger picture of her face etc he's become more of a prop than a person sometimes she'll post pictures on her phone of her daughter she has so many from that day the funeral etc while the sun tugs at her begging her to play and she will ignore him it's like she cares more about someone who never even lived than the boy she watched grow up her husband works a lot and she is a stay-at-home mom so while he does his best with the sun but you can tell that the son needs his mom last week she called me in tears because the son had destroyed some of the framed photos of his sister and she had found him destroying the nursery she said that she punished him and told me she had no idea why he would disrespect his sister like that i told her that you would probably lose it too if you felt like you were competing with a ghost and that her obsession with her daughter is delusional unhealthy and endangering her relationship with her very alive son she lost it at me saying i couldn't possibly understand how she feels etc i told her that she needs to accept that her daughter is gone and work through it i urged her to get treatment or to at least have her son see someone because her neglectful actions are setting him up for psychological damage she hung up on me and though i've tried to call her back she refuses to take my calls the ring in question is timeless elegance rose gold from a popular jewelry brand in case you guys want to see it i bought my ring one year ago as an accessory ring the stone is cubic zirconia i wore it a few times at work when it complemented my outfit maybe six or seven times as most as i have other jewelry that i am more fond of and wear more often then two months ago my co-worker emily got engaged and her ring is the same timeless elegance ring i bought as an accessory i didn't say anything and just congratulated her on her engagement honestly i was surprised her fiance proposed to her with a 100 ring but maybe it had a special meaning for them and i know the fact that her future husband gave it to her makes it priceless for her last friday i wore an outfit that i thought would look well with my timeless elegance ring so i decided to wear it on the middle finger of my right hand i knew that emily would be wearing her engagement ring but i thought she knows that her ring is sold across hundreds of stores and has been purchased by probably thousands of people so if she has no problem with wearing a ring like that then i don't think she would have a problem with seeing someone wearing the same ring unfortunately she did when she saw that i was wearing the same ring she pulled me aside and asked what i was thinking wearing the same ring was i trying to make her feel that her engagement ring is just an accessory i told her i'm not trying to make her feel anything by wearing my ring that i bought way before she had hers and that i'm sure her ring is priceless because her fiance gave it to her but i think she's not in a position to tell me that i can't wear something i own just because she owns something similar she had some choice words for me and has not talked to me since but she has been telling our coworkers that i am bullying her and making her feel that her engagement ring is just an accessory some have taken her side and said i should have avoided wearing that ring in the office while some think that if she has an issue with having a common ring that she should take it up with her fiance and not the other people who have the same ring my fiance and i are planning on getting married in september and we've been together for five years now a month ago she got into an accident that has her in a wheelchair she's been seeing a physical therapist about prosthetics but for now at least there's no walking happening it's been an adjustment for the both of us and i won't say it's gone perfectly but you can't expect something like this to transition perfectly i recently went out with a couple of friends and i was talking about my fiance and how she was doing when one of them asked if i had thought about calling off the wedding i immediately said no and asked why i would and she started talking about how she's going to be a burden and i don't want to start the better part of my life with dead weight as a wife this really annoyed me off and i yelled at her that just because she got into an accident doesn't make her worthless and that she should shut her mouth if only crap is going to come out of it i'll admit i made a bit of a scene so i left and went home my fiance says that i shouldn't have been so harsh and that she can see where my friend is coming from and that she only has my best interests in mind this honestly really surprised me since my friend was talking about her and she's saying i should have been less harsh so i'm wondering whether i went overboard since the woman getting trashed even thinks i was too harsh [Music] you

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, reddit women, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit aita, reddit relationship advice, reddit toxic friend, reddit friend, reddit husband, reddit kick out from home, reddit relationship, reddit marriage

Id: lpOGt-ooe7A

Length: 18min 22sec (1102 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 12 2020