Mom Used Dad For Money Until He Passed & Now Demands I PAY Her Money Because She Gave Birth To ME

people who don't have a good relationship with your mom why so i've got two other siblings and growing up my parents were mostly comfortable for a long time when we were young my mom was a stay-at-home mom her entire life when i was the youngest my dad lost his job during the financial downturn and we really struggled my mom could have worked but didn't even though my brothers and i were all in school my dad never got as high paying of a job subsequently but my mom never cut down on her spending and never got a job i distinctly remember coming home from college and seeing my dad break down over bills because they were heavily in debt at this time my mom still never worked and would resort to very nasty answers as to why she wouldn't i.e i gave him three kids the least he could do is support us three years ago my dad passed away because of a largely stress lifestyle induced heart attack my mom encouraged him to move six hours away to work a high pressure job in a new city to try to earn more money between never seeing his family living in a tiny apartment and getting terrible sleep because of his hours he passed alone and we never got to say goodbye the worst part is i found out recently my mom didn't allow him to fly home as frequently as he liked to save money i suspect he was heavily depressed the last few months of his life starting last year my mom started begging my brothers and i for money because she has no job and no source of income obviously my brother sent money home every month but i refuse to i tell her she could do anything to support herself she's only 52 but she very pitifully asks me if i want to see her bagging groceries my brothers think i need to contribute because she's mom and she's just how she is i don't want to and occasionally feel like an idiot for saying no my boyfriend supports me but it feels like he's the only person who does note i was almost 24 and living in the dorms as an advisor while in grad school she had just turned 23. we have less than a year apart she is not a child and neither am i i was adopted before i was born and put into the arms of my adopted dads when i was an hour old and my birth mom had disappeared from the hospital already i grew up happy i didn't want for anything i was all successful and fine it was all good in my hood my birth mom recently arrived to my on-campus dorm with my younger birth sister because apparently my younger sister is pretty sick and needs a kidney and a lobe of liver to survive we have the same father and so we're a blood match and we should be a perfect donation match as well but that doesn't matter because i don't owe anyone anything and i'm not giving up parts of my body that i need man i blew up they were standing on my doorstep like they had some sort of a right to even find or speak to me and i blew up she had the audacity to bring her child who if the number runs right was born almost exactly 10 months after me she gave me up for adoption and then found me without my permission or consent because her child was sick and she thought that because i was her blood that she had the right to ask me for parts of my body for her baby if i wanted to give my kidney and a lobe of my liver away i would no need to turn up and try to guilt me i screamed that she didn't have the right to ask me for anything that she was disgusting that i'd never met her in my life yet here she is trying to ask me for parts of my body that she was a waste and that by having more children after she'd put me up for adoption she'd gotten rid of the right to ask me for anything am i bitter about being adopted out no but i take offense to being hunted down and found by a woman who birthed me and then dipped i had lots of issues from the fact that she drank during her pregnancy with me and now that i'm older i've shaken them off my birth sister said i'm dying and i said that sounds like a personal issue shut my door called campus police and then put all of my social media to private and locked everything down no need to have anyone else trying to find me i recently told my dads and they said that i was the idiot because i shouldn't have blown up but she was the bigger idiot because she arrived from atlanta where i was born and where she lived to uc berkeley where i go to school with no heads up to anyone i've also been getting messages from my birth family begging me to reconsider and sending me long letters but i don't care i need those parts of my body and i don't owe anyone anything my mom and i have had a lot of issues with each other throughout my life part of it being our cultural differences she's from a spanish-speaking island in the caribbean i won't name right this moment while i'm the spoiled american and the other part being her untreated mental illness and the fact she not only dislikes me but also wants to control my life now my mom was the last person to find out about my pregnancy i didn't want to tell her as she makes literally everything about her and how i'm ruining her life i knew it would get to her eventually but it wasn't coming from me because i didn't want that discussion while i was already dealing with other stressors i had a very complicated pregnancy with my son i fainted three times while at work and a couple of times went home that coupled with a few other problems and i spent more time in and out of emergency rooms and ambulances than i ever cared repeat when my mom finally found out from worried relatives she went from sending me a massive tirade of a text about how horrible i was to omg i get to have a grandbaby i went from no contact to low contact to trying to push her away into every aspect of my pregnancy in the third trimester now the early morning of the day my son was born i woke up incredibly sick i.e explosions out of both ends and agonizing back pain i called the hospital to speak to the midwives i was seeing at the time and was told i needed to come in as i may be in labor this is where i made a huge mistake i told my fiance the doctors wanted me to check if i was in labor but that he could go back to sleep as i was going to have my mom drive me i got ready to go and waited for my mom and waited and waited an hour and a half passed and i'm wondering where she is she lived 15 minutes away at the time i've been back and forth to the bathroom for an hour and really want to get going i text her and she says that she's paying her bills and i need to wait i wait another 20 or so minutes then call her to tell her i'm going to wake the roommate so she doesn't need to come instant screaming but i'm already driving over cool i figure less than 15 minutes till she's there will be less time than waiting for my roommate to wake up and be functional enough to drive me over nope 40 minutes go by and she's still not there i call her again and she yells that she's finding parking on my street i wait outside and see her pull into one of the many empty spots right outside my house my issue started around 1am it is now just after 4 am and i'm finally on my way to the hospital during this whole thing i'm texting my fiance but my phone ran low on its charge so i had to ask my mom to plug it in over by her chair it's during this time that all suddenly breaks loose a couple nurses come in to see if i'm dilating at all when i suddenly get extremely cold like the room dropped 15 to 20 degrees in an instant i ask for a blanket and start shaking the nurses look over at the monitor and immediately bolt out of the room i'm now full on shaking when at least six different doctors run into my room and start hovering over me suddenly throwing an oxygen mask on me and moving me around in a ton of directions they start telling each other all kinds of stuff i barely understand but mention taking me to surgery i start to panic and yell over at my mom to call my fiance she immediately picks up her phone and i'm thinking she actually listened to me for once wrong instead i hear her suddenly yelling on the phone in spanish to my sweet dear abuela who lives 13 hours away this could have weighed it i am now being shoved back onto my bed while the doctors and nurses tell my mom and me that they have to take me to the or i literally scream at the top of my lungs for my mom to call my fiance right this second as they are wheeling me out of the room and into the halls at this point i'm struggling to breathe and a very nice nurse is trying to talk me through it while explaining to me that my heart is acting up and they need to do what they can to fix it she tells me they hope it won't affect the baby but if there's an emergency they'll have to take him out when my fiance and roommate get there my mom only shows up to them to say that i don't think she or the baby made it then leaves as my fiance starts to bawl his eyes out and have a breakdown so she can go to the other side of the waiting area to again talk to family my roommate had to go find a nurse to get the poor man a real update that we weren't in the all-time best of shape but we weren't dead my mom knew this my son had been born 30 minutes earlier and she'd seen him still to this day brags that she was the first person to get to touch my baby after birth apparently she thought it would be a great idea to just mess with my fiance's head and make him think that his family was dead i was in the hospital for just under a week and she made it an absolute nightmare i'm pregnant with baby number two and i swear i don't even want to tell her until that baby is out of college fiance and i have agreed that she's banned from the hospital now mother's day in my family has always had to be all about my mother no other mothers or grandmothers allowed to be honored i have a child too but to my mom and my brothers i don't count her opinion is the only one that matters on mother's day plans and everyone was expected to provide gifts to her because i was a single parent i only ever got one mother's day gift because i had nobody to buy one on my daughter's behalf but that one awful gift is a whole different post that made me glad for the lack anyway i don't count as a mother in my family until she is dead so nobody but her mattered so she was always the one deciding what she wanted for dinner and all of the gifts and all of the attention if we did something formal one year she got a second dog now both of her dogs are poorly trained and awful and were always a point of conflict but again another post entirely but to summarize i expect dogs to have some degree of acceptable behavior she does not so she gets completely offended when you don't think that her dogs are just the greatest thing to ever live so the next year she called me earlier in the week and informed me that we would not be getting together for mother's day as had been planned but that because it was the younger dog's birthday we would be having a birthday party for the dog that day instead yes apparently the fact we bought an expensive dog she wanted from a breeder the year before was a much more worthy reason to celebrate to her than the fact that she'd had three children but it got better she informed me that i wasn't invited because i was mean to the dog by expecting it to at least somewhat behave but that maybe if i was nice enough to the dog this week the dog would allow me to come i was then told the dog's preferences on treats and toys and so that's how i noped out of mother's day with my mother without the slightest bit of guilt the last year before going no contact clearly i wouldn't want to put a damper on the dog's special day obviously the dog is more important to her than i could ever be it's another of those stories that always helps me keep perspective when all of the people with decent moms act shocked that i won't be contacting her for the past three years my husband and i have been tenants in my parents rental property at the time my husband was getting medically discharged from the army and we didn't have any housing lined up in our home state my parents were buying a rental property and my husband and i had no choice but to move into said property they were awful landlords too we went 18 months with our ensuite being unusable because they wouldn't fix it we only got use of it back when my husband just siliconed it up and we've had constant rent increases over this time too it was an old house and absolutely no maintenance was done to it over the three years i was renting there other than what my husband and i did to make it livable this was all a bit of a bootleg operation there were no official documents or anything which i knew was a trap but my alternative was homelessness anyway after years of saving for a deposit to buy our own home my husband got a payout from the army for various medical issues they caused this beefed our deposit up greatly and we bought a beautiful house we gave my parents a month's notice with the move out date being the end of april so that we could get the new house ready and move everything over a bit at a time during this time we would still be paying our rent at the old house my mother had new tenants lined up almost immediately due to how difficult it is to get a rental house in my area she decided that she would move these new tenants in at the beginning of april while we were still moving our stuff out and get full rent from both parties essentially double dipping my sister came to the new house while we were renovating it and my husband made a comment about how unreasonable it is for my parents to be getting two lots of rent for april my sister being the informer she is went straight to mom and told her this my mom got angry and told us the move out date was going to be this thursday instead and we were not ready over the past week we've been doing 12 to 14 hour days trying to move our stuff out and clean the old house we've spent a lot of money on yard workers and cleaners to help us it's been exhausting and stressful because she decided to pull the rug out from under us she even called me to tell me that she did this just to be vindictive at no point has she congratulated us for our first home or wanted to see the new house she is just punishing us for getting out from under her she now says my husband is the worst person ever for questioning her and that he's a lazy idiot who has gotten everything for nothing in regards to his compensation payout this is because she had a work compensation claim for an incident in her old workplace and she didn't get what she wanted because her request was totally unrealistic she's jealous so now we are terrible and being punished because we got money and she didn't we're so stressed and tired my husband and i both worked at the old house until 8 pm the other night and came home and cried on the shower floor because of how exhausted we are because she took three weeks off our original agreement she called me yesterday to tell me to break up with my husband she wanted me to take sides and got angry when i refused to take hers she said that my husband's behavior is going to alienate everyone in my life and when we break up i'll have nobody i just want a mum who is proud of me for buying my first home i'm 24 years old in my culture it is not uncommon for women to get married young with the current generation women tend to get married by the time they graduate from university my mom has been pushing this idea that i should be married by the time i graduate nope after six long years i finished dental school and currently doing working so hard because i love working what i do and helping out my patients it's not enough for my parents that i had just submitted a manuscript to get my paper published that i have graduated from dental school that i've grown into an intelligent woman who does her best my mom has been pushing the idea of marriage to me two problems i'm not religious and i am not financially independent i'm very liberal against gender stereotypes and because i will be contributing to the household i don't see why i have to be the one to sacrifice my dreams i've explained this to my mother in a non-triggering logical manner and outlined the important things that i'm looking for in a husband he must treat me like an equal contribute to household chores not treat me like a responsibility because i don't need a bloody handler and we need to have some sort of chemistry i even highlighted that the man is not a bad guy but he and i are not compatible and he is better off looking for a girl that fits his standards i added at the end to my mother that just because i am a woman it doesn't mean that i can't be happy without a man running the house and four children at my feet i am perfectly content waiting till later for the guy that would suit me my mom went absolutely ballistic yesterday she was telling me on the phone that i was very wise and smart and that any man would be lucky to have me accept them to today where she told me that i have some sort of sick twisted ideology where i've been influenced by something or someone to think these things and that a woman's natural place is in the home with children and that there was no such thing as an equal marriage but a fair one where my husband will let me work granted i fulfill my tasks and responsibilities she further went on to tell me that i am the product of a failed upbringing mature enough to get married but not mature enough to make decisions for myself mature enough to bear children but not mature enough to live alone and focus on my career for a few years i hate that i live like this i'm not financially independent like many girls my age and i don't live in a supportive country yet but the fact that my requests came off as unreasonable for wanting mutual respect and no hierarchy of power in my relationship is just i hate that i have disappointed my family so deeply for them to feel this way but i also cannot accept being the submissive woman that they want me to be i feel so disassociated these days and her words really hurt me my own mother is disappointed in me she wouldn't have said these things to my brothers because they're the men they're in charge they don't have to sacrifice their careers to have a family they get to have both if they want to marry someone outside of their ethnicity or religion sure my parents would object but would accept it eventually why is it that i can't have the same responsibilities just because i'm a woman i am at a loss for words

Channel: ASK GURL

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Keywords: askreddit, r/askreddit, reddit, askwomen, askreddit girls, reddit women, reddit girls, askreddit real voice, reddit stories, justnomil, r/aita, r/tifu, reddit entitled parents, raised by narcissist, reddit mom, reddit narcissiste mom, reddit family drama, reddit mom gold digger, reddit gold digger, reddit money, reddit inheritance

Id: 2n74zyXfjKI

Length: 18min 25sec (1105 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 07 2020